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bnsrx Archive

View 3 posts and 46 comments by bnsrx on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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1

Oh, I follow now- you already have an approved parenting plan and you need to modify. Gosh, I’m no lawyer so I can’t speak to whether it’ll be more or less likely to succeed at this point, and judges are alllll over the map about what they will and won’t favour on a given day. If you want to do this, I would recommend making as strong a case as you can, which will involve re-engaging your lawyer. It will also ignite all kinds of new bad blood between you and your ex. But how bad are we talking -…
/r/Divorce_Men23/06/23 03:19 AM
2

Italy, France, Sweden - most of Europe - are all far, far safer than the US, but State inexplicably classifies them as L2 Increased Caution. My ex was able to restrict me from taking my kids to countries that aren't signatories to the Hague Convention / L3-L4. I don't love it, but I can live with it. I think that should be your baseline; you have better legal options if things get silly.
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/23 05:20 AM
1

Yes mate. My ex cajoled me into moving out of the house I built, across the country…. And then divorced me.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/23 04:14 PM
2

Bye Felicia!
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/23 03:59 PM
6

I think you might have touched on a bigger truth about marriage there which is that often shit will fester and each party will become increasingly angry at the other, thinking that it’s not their fault. It’s wild to think that she was seething at you about something that turned out to be her mistake. Had either of you talked about it earlier you would have saved each other a lot of anger. Not trying to chap your ass, I saw this in my marriage too.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/23 03:58 PM
6

Ha, I was just thinking about this today. She keeps the car I was paying for, the house I was paying half the mortgage on, I'm still paying her life & health insurance... but now it's IRS time and apparently I owe her 2 grand.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/23 02:03 AM
6

Same! Now she hires some old lady to help her cook and clean every few days. She would actually get mad at me when I would finally clean up her shit because "she was going to do it". Obviously you didn't!
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/23 08:27 PM
3

Get it written into the parenting plan. Mine doesn't allow the kids to call anyone but me "dad", and anyone but her "mom". It was the one thing we could agree on.
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/23 07:21 AM
9

Oh yeah dude, mine did that. Took them away on Dec 25 for a nice romantic getaway with some dipshit she's been dating for maybe 45 days. My son told me all about how he woke up in the middle of the night, couldn't find mom, finally discovered her in the hot tub with said dipshit. Said it was the scariest night of his life. But yeah, the judge still thinks I'm the asshole.
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/23 05:35 AM
2

On mother's day my ex posted an illustration of a woman hiking with her kid in a backpack, with the caption, "it's not easy being a mom. If it was, dad would do it!". It took every last inch of self control not to respond with an actual photograph of me hiking at 10,000 feet with my kid in a backpack.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/23 08:08 PM
2

Lol mine would literally throw a $150 pan in the garbage if she burnt it. I'd find them, spend ten minutes scrubbing it out clean, and put it back in the cupboard. If I had to guess, 70% of the time whatever she was cooking would burn. She'd just leave the room and come back ten minutes later and be all shocked that fire is hot.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/23 08:03 PM
5

I struggle with this one a lot. I've told her, if you think what you're doing won't come back and bite you in the ass one day, you're wrong. And if you think that I'm going to lie to the kids to cover for you, you're wrong. We'll see. They already feel that what happened wasn't fair, but the extent of it would blow their minds. Maybe by the time they're 18 enough water will have passed under the bridge that it won't matter. At the end of the day I want them to have a good relationship with both …
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/23 06:50 AM
3

Insane. Talk to your 1SG and have them tell her to leave them out of it. Your divorce has nothing to do with your employer. This must be why everyone I know who's ever been in a command role wants to defenestrate themselves.
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/23 05:03 AM
9

"I think it’s about control." winner winner chicken dinner. I thought that getting divorced would give me a greater degree of freedom. Turns out, at least in the initial phases, that the opposite is true; the ex was able to get a judge to codify all kinds of restrictive stuff that removes control from me, and gives more to her. I've gone through the same stuff about schedule. She got the kids for 48 weekends out of the year; I asked for a 50 50 split. It was only when she realized that she could…
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/23 04:41 AM
3

100%. It’s the only place I’ve ever been where a girl has asked me out on a date while I was obviously on a date with someone else. Ahhh the good old days.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/23 10:06 PM
3

Yes. The whole thing blows! Trying to figure out how to ease into the next chapter of my life now, instead of waiting 13 years and then starting from scratch.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/23 09:13 PM
3

Lol, my ex wife really wanted to move. Soon as we’d been 6mo in the new city she divorced me. Now I’m stuck here till my kids are grown up. Mid-40s
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/23 08:23 PM
6

It’s incredible. More women than men. The financial side might be tough these days, but from a dating perspective I had an absolute blast there.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/23 07:41 PM
1

Well, I'd say this. My mum is fucking amazing. Absolutely fearless, super strong, taught my brother and I to be the same. A great number of her female friends are just like her, with the added bonus of being funny. My dad on the other hand, super passive aggressive, needy space cadet, unable to express himself. I'm really sorry about your wife taking the kids to Norway - that sucks. I'm shocked she was allowed to do that. It sounds like you got a rough start and your relationship with your mothe…
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/23 06:36 PM
13

I'm on the same timeline as you, and been casually dating a girl who thought that the best way to get me to engage more with the relationship was to break up with me. I said ok. My GOD did the cling get even worse. Also been hanging out with a girl who told me that she just didn't trust men anymore, "all of them", and I thought man, we are living in wild times. But I get it. I'm happy to date, but the idea of going through this shit again? Verrrrry hesitant.
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/23 10:38 PM
11

Huge red flags here. "When a wife wants divorce, it’s because she does NOT believe you can truly change." I heard something a while ago - "men spend their lives hoping their wives will stay the same, and women spend their lives hoping their husband will change." Essentially, my wife spent our whole marriage trying to change me into some subservient version of the person she married. It's not possible. I've already lived ten incredible lives that I could never have predicted; settling down into s…
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/23 05:27 AM
12

If you think typing it helped, wait till you see the responses.
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/23 03:25 AM
1

I had a lawyer and got a way worse deal, so give yourself a pat on the back for that.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/23 04:19 AM
8

Hoo boy. We got pregnant within minutes of being married, so I never had a chance to realize that my wife was essentially what you're describing, until it was too late. On the upside I have two incredible children now. On the other hand I'll never be completely free of this sociopathic woman, and am stuck in the city she wanted to move to for the next 13 years or so if I want to be any kind of dad to my kids. Either get on the same page now, or get out.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/23 08:06 PM
2

I was under the impression that it was 50/50, but my ex's lawyer bogged my side down in an insane amount of unnecessary paperwork, didn't provide their data until the *morning of the mediation*!!!, and then essentially told my counsel that if we didn't consent to all their demands, they would go to court and tear my business apart trying to find every last cent of value in it. I ended in the same position I would have done without a lawyer, but $15k more out of pocket on legal fees. My advice to…
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/23 12:54 AM
3

Totally. This whole last year of separation has been about establishing and reinforcing boundaries. We’re getting there, but it’s an uphill battle.
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/23 03:44 PM
8

This is a great question. The divorce was my ex’s idea, but I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t thought of it too. I definitely imagined that life would be much simpler once we were done, and in some regards it is. But the downsides, at least for me, are: When I’m with my kids, the house feels full of life. We have a ton of fun, they’re happy and healthy and going great in school. But, it’s a handful picking them up from school at 2.15. Between then and 9pm I have no time to myself at all, so work i…
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/23 05:05 AM
2

Lol, I was in Paris for a thing last year and just bawled on so many people I just met. Real smooth.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/23 07:11 PM
1

"I don’t know if that’s weird but I want to see her mourn us." I'm sorry you're in a rough spot, but it sounds like you have real issues with boundaries. She owes you nothing. She wants out, and it sucks for you, but that's what it is. You playing the victim certainly won't make her want you back. I've made that mistake in the past and trust me, it doesn't help at all. Forget everything in the past, you can't change it. The best thing you can do is to get out and work on yourself. Go read books …
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/23 06:48 AM
2

Your notes on kids especially are great - thanks for sharing. These are things I wish I would have known before going through my own dumb shitshow.
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/23 06:33 AM
5

I'm not yet final on my divorce, and there's a very cool, interesting woman on my horizon, who's also about 2-3 years out from her own divorce. But she's texting me all the time - invited me to spend a week with her in Italy (I said no), "will you miss me?", "all I think about is kissing you". It's been a dopamine rollercoaster and doing my head in a bit, but if I'm objective about it, I'm very guarded. Yes, I want good times in the future. Definitely want someone interesting vs all the clones. …
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/23 06:41 AM
2

Man, I wish I had known this in hindsight. My ex is being a real piece of work as regards the children.
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/23 01:28 AM
3

Also - plenty of people, women and men, in big cities don't settle down until their 30s. I didn't meet my wife until I was nearly 40, she was mid-30s. Then to be fair I ignored all kinds of red flag behavior and married her anyway. Womp womp.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/23 09:20 PM
1

I know we all agree here on how parasitic the family law industry is, but it’s still kind of shocking to me how shameless they are. My ex wasn’t insane before she filed for divorce, but during the process her lawyers put the fear of god into her about “things I might do”, and she went legitimately batshit crazy. It’s a real shame.
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/23 04:13 PM
3

Honestly, the most surprising thing to me in the process was that the judge wasn't even interested in hearing my side of the story - not even the pretence of a fair shot. The ex had her 30 minutes before I did in mediation, and painted a picture of me as a poor decisionmaker (for example: I had wanted to discuss the possibility of language immersion school, god forbid). Once she'd done that, nothing I had to say had any weight whatsoever. We spent a whole day negotiating and got nothing. I'm in …
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/23 07:39 AM
4

Same position - my ex also insists on signing the kids up for a bunch of stuff, often stacked on top of each other (physically impossible), during "my time". The intent is for you to fail. Once she's called attention to that, you're on the defensive, and in my experience with an absolute loser judge, it's impossible to regain the advantage. If you point out her failings once she's done that, it just comes off as vindictive. Talk to your lawyer about ways to get ahead of this. Hopefully they'll b…
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/23 07:07 AM
3

You feel shit because you have ten years in it. No matter how bad it was, there were still some good moments, and you're fixating on them. There's also shame associated with divorce. I feel like I failed somehow, despite objectively being a wonderful dad to my kids. The dating scene is also a bit of a shitshow these days, and frankly I'm not enjoying it yet. But. If it's broken and you can't fix it, you have to move on. It's going to suck for a while. But if you can find a way to better yourself…
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/23 07:26 AM
3

I'm in the opposite situation - have been wanting to take my kids out of the country for a month every summer, because it's the only time they get to connect with their family in Europe. Ex has been pulling all kinds of BS to try to prevent it. What are you afraid of with regard to the health and safety of your child?
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/23 07:20 AM
5

What I would say is that the time we are living in is very tribal and adversarial. Most people identify as part of some group, and identify everyone else as the enemy. It’s exhausting.
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/22 01:46 PM
10

Man, this sucks. I just fought for joint custody a few days ago and was told that because my ex won't agree to it, that's that. Unless she robs a liquor store while on a meth binge, she'll automatically get full legal custody. My parents divorced when I was 6 and have been coaching me through this, and the one thing that's abundantly clear is that neither of them actively tried to screw the other one over with regard to parenting. Each of them wanted to make sure that we had as much time with th…
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/22 03:41 AM
2

If you're dating to date, who cares. Date as widely as possible. Figure out what you like and what you don't. If you're dating in the hopes that it turns into something longer, potentially marriage which, in theory, is forever, be really honest with yourself about who that person is. I married someone who was pretending to be someone I'd like. In my gut I knew she wasn't the real deal. We got married within a year. It was stupid, and 9 years later, we're on the outs.
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/22 07:19 AM
2

Lol no, I added the ring to my existing insurance policy.
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/22 10:41 PM
6

Oh man. I had almost the same experience - my fiancee took the ring I gave her - I forget if it was $10,000 or $20,000 - to her family jeweler. He told her that he could have given her a much better stone for the price, so she came back home and told me the exact same thing. Not one gift I gave her over the course of our marriage was good enough. Trips to Europe, South Africa. Always something to complain about. While the initial shock of her asking for a divorce sucked, now I can't wait to be d…
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/22 10:05 PM
2

Some time ago I found myself on a job with an Air Force officer who I didn't know at all. He told me that he'd made a poor choice of wife, and ended up having a kid with this woman who turned out to be a drug addict. He fought for full custody and eventually won it, but he said to me, "If I had to do it all again today, I don't know it I'd be strong enough." I never saw him again after that, but it really stuck with me.
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/22 03:46 AM
1

Thanks for that. Obviously everyone's scenario will differ, but can you give me a sense of where you netted out, from a fees (or other) perspective?
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/22 01:40 AM
1

Thank you. Much appreciated!
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/22 01:25 AM
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