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brettfish5 Archive

View 5 posts and 121 comments by brettfish5 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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7

You're letting her win by folding. Improve yourself and quit living a sad life. Make her regret her decision.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/26 02:00 PM
6

I'm in the same boat bro. I didn't have any kids, but I raised my stepson from 5 till 12 while his father had 4 kids from 3 different women. Apparently I wasn't good enough even though she was a SAHW/M for the entire marriage. I have the memories and they're in a much better place financially, but I'll probably never see either of them again. What was it all for? I have no idea. Let me know if you need someone to talk to.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/26 10:50 PM
9

I feel you bro, hang in there. I was just going through old papers yesterday and stupidly found old cards from our wedding and 1 year anniversary from her saying that she'd love me always and forever. Well apparently that was a lie because she asked for a divorce less than 5 years in. I still reminisce on the good times we had, but she was also a toxic narcissist so I can realize that im better without her.
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/25 02:23 AM
3

I'm heading to the Bahamas (Andros Island) in a couple weeks for a snorkeling trip! Went back in high school and it was the trip of a lifetime. Haven't been on a vacation in years mainly because I was the sole earner for us and her son. She asked for the divorce in Dec. 2023, but earlier that year I sent her and her son to Omaha NE for a baseball trip and later that year she went to Savannah for a women's retreat.
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/25 09:59 PM
6

It's definitely made up
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/25 01:41 PM
1

Fortunately I didn't dn't have a kid with her so no child support, live in NE Ohio (LCOL), and have a good salary. I can save a lot more now considering she didn't work and had a son.
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/25 12:25 AM
5

I don't think you're legally obligated to pay CS no matter what state you're in. I was married and had a stepson for 5 years and won't have to pay child support or alimony
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/25 02:27 AM
14

Sounds like my ex wife! She quit her job a couple months after the wedding. She justified it by saying we'd save on childcare and she could also get to homeschool her son (my stepson). Well 5 years later and she's divorcing me with a nice payout and 0 debt. Worked my ass off for her and gave her a great life just for her to kick me to the curb. I feel so used!
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/25 07:47 PM
1

I appreciate the post man. I'm having the same feelings about my ex a little over a year since she asked. My life has been flipped upside down ever since and I'm trying to rebuild it. I get emotional every time I think of memories or come across old photos. I ask myself how did it all go wrong. She had lots of issues, but I tried to be the man and supported her and her son both financially and emotionally, just to get discarded like I'm nothing. It's tough my man and I don't think I'll ever be t…
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/25 05:35 PM
4

Nope. I bought mine for $20 off of amazon, and have a couple silicone rings that probably cost $100 total. She kept her engagement and wedding band that probably costs aro $3k total. I cringe at how much money I would have now if I never met her. I'm 31 now and I know there's time to make it up, but I'll never get back the financial, emotional, and time investment that I gave for her to just discard me.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/25 01:23 PM
4

I'm about a year out of the house (still finishing up the divorce) and I'm scared that this will be me going forward. I've been getting so sad about losing her and thinking about all the good memories. My parents keep reminding me about all the bad stuff which helps to keep things in perspective, but if I'm honest with myself I'm depressed as fuck without her and the life we built. I was the sole provider and treated her well, but I wasn't perfect and feels like shit being discarded like she did
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/25 02:14 PM
2

You nailed it on the head as well. It was 7 years together for us. I supported her and her son financially while she stayed home with her kid. Thought she was my "best friend" and the love of my life. I still love her, but it still hurts when I remember how she told me that she fell out of love with me. How does that just happen? You spend so many years building a life with someone, and they just decide that they're done with you? Insane. Idk if it's a men and women thing, but it's crazy how man…
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/24 01:49 AM
2

I'm in Gatlinburg TN currently and just put an offer on a. Vacation rental house. It's a really cool area and the mountains are incredible. Today I hiked up to the top of a mountain. 4 hours total and kicked my ass, but the view was worth it.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/24 01:52 AM
4

I decided to forget about the sex and focus on myself and building my business.the women will come rather than chasing them
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/24 09:15 PM
6

Have you tried sourdough bread though?
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/24 02:03 PM
2

Been meaning to read this one based on all the praise I've heard. Is it as good as everyone says? I've gotten into reading more over the past couple years and got a kindle Paperwhite last year, but I've been inconsistent due to my hectic life. (Work, divorce, business, etc)
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/24 10:08 PM
3

Nice! I just dropped 2k on a Trek Roscoe 7 and took it for a weekend MTB and camping trip. It's been 20 plus years since I bought a new bike and thought I'd treat myself.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/24 09:48 PM
2

I already got married and am going through a divorce. Luckily we're going with the dissolution route and it's been amicable. Sure, I'll love half my net worth after being the sole provider for the marriage but it could be much worse. Plus I'm young enough to build it back up and we never had any kids with each other. Looking at the bright side of things.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/24 03:13 PM
2

As someone that thought they met their soul mate, but later divorced me after giving her everything I've come to the conclusion that soul mates don't actually exist. It's a fantasy that humans have come up with. There's billions of people in the world. what makes you think this individual that you start having affection for is meant to be with you?
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/24 02:51 PM
1

Yeah bumble and hinge seems like a good combo. Seems like a pay to play kind of thing. Been just focusing on myself lately, but I'm really about to start my ho phase haha.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/24 02:48 PM
4

That's crazy man. The stories I hear and read are unbelievable sometimes. Society likes to paint women as harmless and men as the aggressors, but in reality so many women can be straight up evil. I don't plan on ever getting married. one and done, learned my lesson. I'm only 30 though and I go back and forth on whether or not I want to have a kid(s). Lately I realize more and more that I'm perfectly fine living with myself and don't really want kids that much. They're such a responsibility and l…
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/24 02:44 PM
1

Good stuff, all free versions? I've tried bumble, tinder, fb dating, and hinge. The best results have been from hinge so far.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/24 02:38 PM
1

where do you meet these 40 y/o single moms that just want to hookup? LOL. I'm 30 going through a divorce myself with someone that had a kid. Never getting into a serious relationship with one again, but I don't mind just focusing on getting laid especially with a little older women.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/24 02:27 PM
2

Hey man, you sound like me in a very similar situation. I'm 30 and she's 35 with a kid that I helped raise. I'll reply with my advice or at least perspective later. So far my divorce is going amicably, but like you I'm not sure what my dating life is going to look like. I've really just been focusing on myself right now.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/24 12:16 AM
4

I am so thankful that I never had a kid with my stbx. She didn't work for the entirety of our 5 year marriage, and now she's going to have a rude awakening as far as what she costs when she actually has to pay.
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/24 05:37 PM
5

That's crazy
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/24 01:06 AM
11

I don't see anything wrong with dating her (others here might disagree), but I would never share finances and don't marry her. We've all learned our lesson. I supported a SAHM for our 5 year marriage and she threw me aside. Never again.
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/24 11:44 PM
1

It's brutal, but we're getting through the dissolution and I'm working on moving on. Were you guys married? I chalk this up to a hard lesson learned and know that I'll never get married ever again, just not worth it for us men. I was the sole earner for our 5 years of marriage while she stayed home.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/24 07:09 PM
1

I'm in that situation. Met my sk when he was 5 and I was 23. Basically helped raise him as my own son and pay for everything for the past 7 years. His father is a deadbeat father that has 3 other kids with two other women. Barely sees his son (first born), yet he files taxes as soon as possible to make sure he gets the tax credit (doesn't pay anything). So essentially the dude is profiting off of his kid. It's just sad all the effort I put in to both the relationship with her and her son, yet sh…
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/24 06:11 PM
6

Same exact thing for me. Hindsight is a bitch and I vividly remember my dad telling me that I'm moving too fast. She was 5 years older than me and had a 5 year old son. I fell in love and thought I was doing the right thing, but in hindsight it was all a mistake.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/24 07:49 PM
3

Probably. I'm just focusing on myself right now. Focusing on my health which has always been great, but also my happiness and my goals. I'm trying to build a business so I can have financial freedom and leave my 9-5 job. I know I'm still relatively young at 30, but I gave so much for her and her son and I don't know that I want to go down that road again. Not sure if I'll ever have a family of my own again. Might just stay single for the rest of my life.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/24 07:46 PM
4

What is the difference between the two? Definitely going to be researching this. I was naive and thinking that women loved men in a similar way that a man loves a woman, but after this ordeal I'm realizing that that is completely false. It's not a coincidence for the amount of single women out there that have ended the relationship. I'm not sure of the statistics, but I believe a lot more women initiate the divorce than men. I agree that it all comes down to evolutionary biology and psychology. …
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/24 03:27 PM
9

I've been feeling the same way, and I'm sure most of the men in this subreddit feel this way. Never again will I go through with marriage, and might not even have a family. Feel like I gave so much for this person who basically just threw me and everything we built away. Fortunately we don't have a kid together, but it's tough to realize that it was for nothing.
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/24 03:50 PM
3

This one hits deep... :(
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/24 07:20 PM
6

I've been listening to No more Mr nice guy on audible and will check out the rational male next. It's gold so far! Can't believe how I used to act trying to be the perfect husband. In hindsight I wasted so much time, energy, and money on a woman that was not worth it.
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/24 06:22 PM
5

EXACTLY! She asked me to go to counseling to "save" our marriage, and i refused. She said that I was the reason that our marriage is ending since I didn't go to counseling (and so many other reasons that I'm to blame for). If our marriage was that fragile then she was going to end anyways even though I wanted to stick it out. Looking back I would just be delaying the inevitable. You're absolutely right about catering to women. Arguable the entire marriage industry caters to women. It's a shit de…
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/24 01:29 PM
5

My stbx and I spent most of last year living separately. Tried to make it work again in July, but in December she ended it. I'm the only one working (supposedly she's looking for a job), but after a couple months I went ahead and got my own apartment less than 10 minutes from my job. I was sick of living with her and felt it'll be easier to get the house ready to sell with my stuff out of there. It'll be two weeks on my own and I'm already so much happier. She was living rent free in my head as …
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/24 01:26 PM
1

Very well put! The more I think about it the more I realize that we did have little compatibility. The way she lived her life did not align at all with what I wanted to achieve in mine. Also, I ignored tons of red flags just because I fell in love with her and wanted to be with her for the rest of my life. Well 5 years into the marriage and being the sole earner, she decides that she doesn't want me anymore. NGL it is a bit devastating knowing how much time and effort I put into a relationship w…
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/24 05:34 PM
6

Exactly, I've found that if you feed into it and get angry they get exactly what they're looking for. If I act stoic and calm, then she's way easier to deal with. Deep down I'm still pissed that she asked for a divorce, but lately I've been realizing how much happier I'll be.
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/24 05:16 PM
0

Plan on paying the $300 for the dissolution and be done with it. Fortunately she's somewhat sane and we're working through the split amicably. I've been the only one working, so I'm definitely not trying to give any of my hard earned money to two lawyers.
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/24 05:13 PM
3

Geez man. I'm bummed about losing half my retirement, but reading stuff like this makes me so happy that we never had a kid together.
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/24 05:08 PM
2

That's great to hear! It's my second week in my own apartment (paying rent and mortgage right now until we sell), and I can already tell mentally I'm getting better each day. Lately I was feeling really sad thinking about all the good times we've had, and how I'll never get those feelings back, but then when she fights with me over stupid shit and blames me entirely for the end of our marriage it reminds me of all the pain she put me through. I realize how much happier I'll be on my own. I'm now…
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/24 07:31 PM
1

I'm sure most of us would say that about our first time getting married, but if I ever feel in "love" again I will absolutely not get married nor combine finances with anyone ever again. It's just not worth it. I ignored so many red flags in the name of love, just to get tossed aside like I was nothing.
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/24 06:34 PM
1

Damn brother that's rough, I feel for you. Makes me feel better about how much I'm giving up.
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/24 05:58 PM
11

The divorce isn't finalized yet, but I'm estimating that we'll both end up with about 150k or so once the house is sold and retirement is split. At 30 it's fine and I'll have plenty of time to make up the money, but it does piss me off considering I was the sole earner for our 5 years of marriage and would've been in a much better spot if I never got married. Oh well I guess, you live and you learn.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/24 05:46 PM
7

SO TRUE! I can speak on my experience. I'm 5 years younger than my stbx. She had a kid that I considered my own since his father basically quit on him. Taught him how to play baseball. Got them out of a bad financial situation. Planned on starting a family with her. Within a few month of us getting married she quit her job b/c it was too 'stressful' and she wanted to home school her son. I paid for literally everything including a nice house and all her addictions (cigs, weed, caffeine). Even pr…
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/24 06:00 PM
7

I think about this a lot. Is monogamy the natural way of things in nature? I understand the idea of having a family structure in order to reproduce and raise kids, but I've seen that structure be decimated time and time again. I go on the dating apps and there are SO many single mothers with 2-3 kids. Some in their early 20s! For example, my ex-step-son's father has had 4 kids with three different women. Hardly any consequences besides child support for two of his kids, which isn't even that muc…
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/24 01:37 AM
10

The same exact thing happened to me. Thought I was in love and it was the right thing to do. Stressed out on how to ask her in the perfect way and also how to make our wedding day perfect. Looking back it seems pathetic in retrospect.
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/24 10:43 PM
9

Without a doubt. It's a construct and men usually are the ones that get the short end of the stick. I ignored every red flag in the book, even was the sole earner for the entirety of our marriage because we planned on having a kid together. Plus she wanted to homeschool her son and the job was too stressful. Well now 5 years later she decides that she no longer loves me. It's disgusting how much effort, time, and money I put into the relationship all for her to just throw me away. Never again go…
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/24 09:03 PM
1

That's insane man, sorry you're going through that! I guess it's easier to cut ties emotionally with the actions that she made. Part of me wishes my stbx would have cheated on me, but she gave me a dumb reason for breaking it off. Leaving me to believe she was looking for a reason to divorce me.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/24 11:19 AM
8

I will never do it again. I gave it my best try and she decided to end it. Luckily it was only 5 years and I'm 30 so plenty of time to gain back the money I lost. It just doesn't make sense from a man's perspective to go through marriage again.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/24 12:41 AM
3

That's a good idea, I've heard that tactic before. As long as I buy food from the place I'll feel better hanging out there without buying drinks. Also, there's a young adult facebook group that I'm meeting people at. It's probably better to go with a group of dudes rather than myself.
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/24 08:19 PM
4

Sorry about your situation! In my early 30s as well. I almost wish mine had one, it would be easier to move on. Can't wait to play more golf myself! I played a ton last year when we were separated. There's a family owned course near me for $400 a year unlimited golf. Can't beat it!
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/24 12:21 AM
3

I absolutely love this positive mindset and I'm going to save this for later to remind myself! Sometimes my mind is devastated thinking about losing the person that I considered to be the love of my life, and all the investment I put into the relationship (both time, effort, and money). But then I think about the stuff you're talking about. The freedom to do what I want and when I want without somebody bitching at me. I'm getting my own apartment tomorrow that's like 5 minutes away from my job (…
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/24 01:31 PM
2

Oh 100% agreed! Everyone tells me that men are in their "sexual prime" in their 30s, which women peak in their early 20s. Yes, physically I've been in peak condition and financially I'm fairly well off, so I'm pretty confident in those departments (not trying to be cocky lol). Basically I just need to continue doing what I'm doing with my body and plan on earning even more with my business. You're absolutely right, I have to be careful of the clingy women that will want to put me in a trap, but …
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/24 01:46 PM
2

Appreciate it man! In December when she asked for it I was in a rough spot mentally, but I visited my family/best friend for the holidays and have had a good head on my shoulders since. Just been focusing on myself and growing my business on the side. I've got a good job and will have a decent amount of assets when things get split, so I'm looking positively towards the future! Moving into an apartment this Friday while we work on selling the house, so it'll be good to be living separately and h…
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/24 01:34 PM
3

I made that mistake the first time around. Ignored SO MANY red flags in the name of love, and look at all the good that did to me.
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/24 01:18 PM
3

Well put. I've been thinking about this as I navigate my way through my own divorce. I feel like there's a deeper reason that divorce rates are so high and so many are initiated by the wife. I'm not even religious (she is), but proposed to her b/c I loved her and that's what you do in our society when you want to be with someone and start a family. All good that did me as I was the sole earner for our 5 year marriage, and she can choose to leave whenever she wants even though she believed so muc…
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/24 01:16 PM
1

Not a bad idea. Though, we were both trying to avoid using lawyers. Ultimately if we both lawyer up and it does go to trial, then I'm under the impression that I'll be the one paying for everything since she doesn't work.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/24 08:54 PM
2

Did you go with the dissolution route? I've been the sole earner for basically the entire marriage. We're trying to go with a dissolution, but I'm worried that she has zero incentive to move things along.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/24 08:18 PM
9

For real man. I'm going through one myself, and it sickens me how much my net worth would be if I stayed single until I was 30. Oh well, can't live in the past and just need to focus on a better future. Already started a company on the side that I'm trying to scale. On top of that my expenses will literally drop by 2/3 overnight. Just need to get through this and sell the house.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/24 08:13 PM
1

I agree, planning on just selling it and splitting the proceeds. Agreed, during out almost 7 year relationship I carried the load the entire time. Nothing about how she went through life would make me comfortable renting a house to her. Plus at this point I don't care how she ends up. I'd rather try to get as much money as I can out of the house considering the money I put into it. what do you mean regarding the last few sentences. Show he the numbers of what it would cost for her to own the hou…
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/24 09:17 PM
1

I certainly could pay it off, but if I'm trying to go through with a dissolution and avoid paying exorbitant lawyer fees, then this would likely just piss her off and make her go towards a divorce. I have some consults with lawyers, but my understanding is that alimony is not a concern in my state for the length of our marriage. Agreed, it is a huge risk. It was a decision we made early on in our marriage. Her work was being toxic, she was having health issues, and the plan was for her to stay h…
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/24 07:55 PM
1

Agreed, also given her track record I don't feel confident being her land lord for a year. Big risk on my end, rather just sell the house and make it a clean break.
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/24 06:51 PM
1

Why do you say that? From what I've researched it won't be an issue and it's not considered abandonment. Especially since I'm the only one paying for the mortgage. It's no different than her moving out of the house for 7 months last year.
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/24 05:00 PM
1

It's pretty solid. about 3.8%, bought in 2019. Thanks for the advice, that actually sounded pretty good until I got to the good credit part lol. I have great credit (close to 800), but she was defaulted on her student loans when I met her. I'm sure it's gone up over the years, so we'll see when we run it. If we did go that route though, I would definitely need some incentive. Dropped $50k in repairs/upgrades plus the house has gone up in value close to $75k (maybe more).
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/24 03:53 PM
1

Her proposal is to get a job, so that she would basically rent from me for one year giving me the entire mortgage payment. Then after a year she would refinance it. Yes, according to her she would want the house with the equity, but it that's the case she would have to take other concessions. No child support as we don't have kids together. I'm in Ohio. She seems to think it's 1 yr of alimony for every 3 years of marriage, but that's not what I'm hearing. Plus she's using it as a bargaining chip…
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/24 03:50 PM
1

Not a bad idea, but I'm worried that if I do that then she'll either go the divorce route or rack of a bunch of credit card debt. Not a ton of equity (aro 25k), but the house has gone up in value. I think if I were to give her the house she'd have to take significant concessions or else I'd be the one losing out. Last week she was trying to convince me to since it'll be less stressful, but honestly I don't give a fuck how they end up after she's the one leaving me.
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/24 03:44 PM
2

That's what I was thinking. Since it was premarital debt then it might be risky to pay it with marital funds, but if no divorce actions have been taken I'm not sure it will matter. Either way I'll consult a lawyer. I'm the only one on the mortgage, but she's on the deed as well.
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/24 03:41 PM
1

Exactly this. I already have a rental that I'm moving in middle of this month much closer to my job. I don't need much space so the 1 bedroom fits me just fine. I'll probably rent for a year or two then buy a multifamily property. It won't take me long to build back cash reserves for a down payment if I don't get any cash in the divorce. If we do decide that she gets the house I will absolutely be getting an appraisal. If that's what she really wants then concessions will need to be made on her …
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/24 03:58 PM
2

Seriously what the fuck is wrong with that dude
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/24 11:55 AM
2

Hmm I like this idea. Honestly our STBX wive's sound similar. She's been living off of my sweat for years and pissing the day away. Waking up whenever she wants and smoking weed/cigarettes all day long. Says she wants to be a home schooler, but they barely happens. It sounds like she doesn't want to deal with the stress of moving and selling the house along with getting a job. Well guess what if she wants to keep the job then I'm going to be financially compensated for that, or else we can sell …
/r/Divorce_Men29/02/24 09:53 PM
2

Yes, a lot to unwrap. The house was bought for $175k. The 300k is my estimate of the total assets that we'd be splitting (retirement, cash, home equity plus difference between purchase and current value). She's had a professional career and she is looking for a job. The mortgage would be even less than what she'd be renting for, and affordable for what she'll likely be making. I'm not investing in a 401k right now, not sure where you got that. No my credit rating is a lot better than hers. Mine'…
/r/Divorce_Men29/02/24 09:19 PM
1

She's not asking for alimony right now, but wants me to pay a year on the windows which is $400 per month. No child support as we don't have any kids together.
/r/Divorce_Men29/02/24 09:15 PM
2

Yes, much higher than the loan. I'm not sure about the profit. She wants to pretty much buy me out of the remainder of the mortgage. So, she would take the house value and all the money that I dumped into it if she had her way. In this case she needs to take concessions or else we can sell the house and split the proceeds.
/r/Divorce_Men29/02/24 07:51 PM
1

Agreed, I work in purchasing so fortunately I have some experience with negotiating. She actually wants to take the entire equity. Plus she wants me to pay an additional year on the windows instead of me paying alimony. I highly doubt she's going to give up her IRA. Total I estimate about 300k in assets including retirement and home equity/value. I don't have all of the numbers, but I estimate that the accounts in my name are about 160k, which is why we were thinking it might be fair to split it…
/r/Divorce_Men29/02/24 07:24 PM
1

I'm not sure that I understand what you're saying. If I sell at the purchased price then the loan would be much lower than the current value.
/r/Divorce_Men29/02/24 07:19 PM
1

I don't think I would be if I end up keeping all of my retirement accounts. We'd obviously have to run the numbers and get an appraisal, but if her assets are more I'll definitely be requesting concessions.
/r/Divorce_Men29/02/24 07:15 PM
2

Yeah it might not be a bad move especially since I don't want to keep the house. Too much house for a single guy and not the location that I want to be in. would you sell based on the current house value? Of course she wants it at the purchased price
/r/Divorce_Men29/02/24 06:59 PM
1

that's exactly what I'm thinking. We both want to go the amicable route in order to not pay a ton of money in lawyer feels, but if we're going with the dissolution then it's a negotiation with everything on the table. She tells me that getting the house ready and selling it is SO stressful and that she'd rather stay there. Well that's great, but there's going to be a price to pay for that especially considering I put 50k into the house over the years.
/r/Divorce_Men29/02/24 06:44 PM
2

No, I don't want the house. I'm moving elsewhere closer to work, and I have an apartment that I'm moving into in the next couple weeks. My thought process is that if it's going to be almost even if we do end up selling the house, then why not let her refinance it? Based on what some of the guys on here have said it's making me rethink my thought process. Ultimately she's the one that is asking for the divorce, so why should I care what happens to her afterwards. She's already caused me financial…
/r/Divorce_Men29/02/24 06:20 PM
4

Dude, never again. I met her when her son was 5 years old and was essentially his father since and he's 12 now. His bio father has basically been out of the picture and barely pays any child support. I now feel used after all these years, but she'll never admit it.
/r/Divorce_Men29/02/24 05:38 PM
3

Well sorta. There's a lot of history, but essentially she was defaulted on her student loans (I know, huge red flag) so we decided to put all our money towards her loans and the vehicle. Mine have low interest and have been paying the minimum due to various other expenses during our 5 years of marriage. Then was holding off in case the student loan forgiveness went through which it didn't. I just want to make sure it doesn't come back to bite me in the ass. We have a good amount of credit card d…
/r/Divorce_Men29/02/24 05:34 PM
4

Thanks for the advice. I like your idea. If she wants to continue living in the house, then she'll need to buy me out. With the money that I made, I dropped over $50k into the house including $20k last year on new windows that I'm still paying off. She essentially won't have any money, so I'm not sure how she's going to do this tbh. I was most concerned with us going the lawyer route where we'd pay tens of thousands of dollars in lawyer fees where neither of us would win. That's also a good poin…
/r/Divorce_Men29/02/24 05:11 PM
1

That is a defeatist attitude. Yes, it sounds like you didn't take care of yourself for 10 years, so you're not going to fix yourself overnight. Though there's plenty that you can do to improve your looks and your health. Completely focus on yourself and women will be magnets toward you. Forget about the prostitutes, that's just sad.
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/24 07:11 PM
2

So true! It was always a stressful holiday. So much pressure to do the right things and buy gifts. Glad I just pretty much ignored the holiday altogether.
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/24 04:54 PM
2

Yep, Hallmark holiday
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/24 12:48 PM
2

Sounds glorious and peaceful. I worked out after work, made an easy dinner, watched some of Jurassic Park, and went to bed early to get 8 hours of sleep. Probably the chillest valentine's day I've had in a while.
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/24 12:45 PM
1

Well said. I haven't been religious for most of my life, but definitely after I educated myself on the history of religions. The main reason that I proposed was that I was in love, wanted to start a dynamic family with her, and felt like that was the thing to do based on our culture. Also, it's eye opening that she's religious and believes so much in the vows we said, yet she decides to throw everything we built away in an instant. I even played the role of father to her son while his dad was ou…
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/24 11:49 PM
3

Yes, never again. Not worth the risk. Was the sole provider for all 5 years of the marriage and constantly took her shit. I'll date around but will be much happier being by myself, and will not get the state involved with my relationship ever again.
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/24 11:35 PM
11

Countries should really do everything they can to incentivize it's population to get married and have children, but it seems like the US is doing everything they can to not do this. Sure the US is a great place to live with tons of opportunities, but there are many things wrong with it.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/24 03:34 PM
13

This is absolutely correct! I'm going through one at 30 years old. I would've been much better financially and my mid to late 20s would have been a lot less stressful. Sure, I fell in love and created lots of memories (good and bad), but the sacrifices I made to have a family and for her to just throw me aside like yesterday's newspaper hurts. I have the ol marriage a try, but I will never try it again. It's just not worth it IMO.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/24 03:09 PM
2

I'm going through one myself as a 30M and have somewhat of a similar mindset. For me I'm working on exiting the soul crushing corporate grind asap. I feel as though running my own business will give me the financial freedom to live my live how I please. For the majority of our marriage I was the sole provider, yet struggled financially at times while she stayed home. My expenses should be cut by about 2/3 so it'll be easier to save/invest. I have a pretty stable job, but I'm riding things out as…
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/24 08:27 PM
3

Well put man. It's the simple things that I'm missing and just being able to hold her. The cons outway the good times and I'm looking forward to moving on. Also, BEAR DOWN!!!
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/24 04:38 PM
2

That really sucks man and I really feel for you. I'm fortunate that we're making it an amicable dissolution, and so far we've been able to work together. She asked for a divorce before the holidays so it hasn't been very long for me. My head is on straight and so far it's been good. I've been going to the gym and hitting the weights. I've always done this, but if you aren't consistently then start. I'm naturally a person that keeps to himself, but I did let a couple people know about the divorce…
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/24 04:14 PM
2

Oh forsure, I'll definitely be looking out for myself first and foremost. I thought when it comes to a dissolution that the two spouses come together, then they present it to a lawyer or court. Are you saying go first to the lawyer in order to mitigate the negotiation of marital assets? I'm not opposed, but rather not spend thousands on a lawyer for something that we can discuss on our own.
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/24 08:46 PM
2

Yes, that's exactly where my mindset is right now. I'd rather work together to set both of us up financially, than trying to ruin each other and give tens of thousands of dollars to lawyers. in the grand scheme of things we really won't have a ton of assets, so I'm okay with splitting it up 50/50. Plus I'm estimating my expenses will literally drop by 2/3, which will give me a lot of extra cash to invest, travel, etc. It felt like a constant revolving door of credit card payments or large home e…
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/24 08:35 PM
1

Yeah that's a very good point. I don't think I would do this, but let's say the divorce happens in a few months where I build up cash in my account. What is preventing me from using that cash to pay down my student loans? Obviously she might get pissed and lawyer up, which isn't the best case scenario since we want to keep lawyers out of it.
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/24 05:27 PM
1

I appreciate all the detail and you sharing your experience! We're in Ohio btw. We probably both came in around 50-60k in retirement, so it might just be better to split everything up 50/50. When we sell the house we'll likely have about 300k in assets. We can keep our own cars and split the home goods up however we want. I think this is probably the best scenario rather than try to fight over nickels and dimes in court. We both want to keep not pay a ton of lawyer fees since we know neither of …
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/24 05:12 PM
1

Thanks for the response. Not sure why I mentioned the debts tbh, just don't want to get screwed over financially but that'll likely happen based on what I've heard. She's not spiteful and does not want to go to court and pay a ton of money to two lawyers. Neither do I. So far she's only mentioned that she just wants half and does not want alimony. I highly doubt she's done much research, so she probably doesn't understand marital assets. I don't have all the numbers in front of me yet, but we pr…
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/24 04:55 PM
1

Gotcha, I thought it was 50/50 of marital assets at least in my state. We're not going to leave it up to the court's decision.
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/24 04:06 PM
3

Signed, fight the good fight my man. For all of us!
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/24 09:12 PM
6

Absolutely! I've been thoroughly planning my entire "new" life including where I'll be living, building a business, etc. Just turned 30 last year and I have a feeling my 30's are going to be legendary. The last few years of my 20s were pretty rough.
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/24 09:15 PM
7

Same here man. I'm seriously thinking about doing a post divorce trip later this year. My best friend runs a company in the Dominican Republic and wants me to head out there. Would be a trip of a lifetime. Oh and I'd actually be able to afford it without having to support her and her kid!
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/24 08:45 PM
4

Yeah right! Any man that I've heard is on their 3rd marriage is seriously delusional. Why would anyone want to go through that again
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/24 11:04 PM
11

Nope, one and done. Not going to let the state preside over my relationship ever again. I can't predict the future but I don't even think I'll look for a long term relationship ever again. Just date around but live by myself. It's very freeing and I plan on pursuing my dreams that I've been putting on hold as I supported her and her son. Gave it my all, but when someone can just toss you away like yesterday's newspaper it's really eye opening.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/24 11:01 PM
2

Not divorced yet, but I've been working on a painting business on the side with the hopes of going full time this year. I have a solid paying job, but there's a limit to what people are willing to pay you. There's no limit to how much you can earn in a business, and a trade business is relatively easy to start and scale.
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/24 08:59 PM
4

Can you share this program as someone who's wife also asked for a divorce 4 weeks ago? Lol
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/24 06:34 PM
2

Very good point
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/24 12:30 AM
5

Damn son....and you wonder why people warn men who get married. This thread doesn't make me feel so bad, plus I'm 30 with plenty of working years left.
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/24 12:11 AM
2

I think I'm going to seriously consider this. I'm only 30, so I'm going to wait a bit just to be sure I don't want kids, but if I don't then this seems like the best decision.
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/24 07:36 PM
1

you're spot on! I'm sitting here in 2024 saying 2023 me was a dumbass and should've proceeded when she brought me the papers early in the year.
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/24 06:04 PM
1

Cannot wait for this feeling! I've always been the more responsible one financially. Plus I've been the sole provider basically since we began our marriage, and have felt like I'm the only one that cares about finances. Even paid off all her debt and I still have student loans. She'll take have my retirement, but being able to spend your month however you want will be priceless. Plus I estimate my expenses will be reduced by 2/3, so way more money to invest, travel, and buy some things I've alwa…
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/24 02:14 PM
1

okay great, that's what I thought since they were purchased during marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/24 01:43 AM
0

It was employee stock for a private company. They gave her the option to cash out, which she did when we were married. Then rolled it over into an IRA.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/24 01:26 AM
1

I have a decent amount built up. probably 200k in retirement and 100k equity in the house at 30 yo. I'm a little salty because I've been the sole earner for the entirety of our marriage, and prioritized paying off her debt, but at the end of the day I have plenty of time to make money and build up my retirement accounts. Plus it'll be way easier without someone that spends all my damn money! LOL
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/24 01:11 AM
1

I'm going to talk to my lawyer about this, but I was wondering how rollovers work. If the contributions were before marriage then do only the contributions after marriage count as marital assets? We cashed out her employee stock and rolled it over into an IRA. Do you think this would be considered a marital asset even if most of the contributions were prior to marriage?
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/24 01:02 AM
2

Right, how the fuck does that even happen? I would just put it all into index funds and ride it out until retirement. That's what I'm suggesting my STBX when our retirement accounts are settled.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/24 12:59 AM
3

I'm in a similar position. 30 yo and no kid with her. It sucks that it's happening, but I'm looking at the bright side. Also, I'm literally going to be able to save so much more money without her spending so much.
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/23 08:39 PM
3

get the snip
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/23 09:45 PM
2

As a fellow Ohioan, WHY ARE YOU JUMPING BACK IN SO QUICKLY?!?!
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/23 04:59 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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