brightfutureforsure Archive

Upvotes	Title	Category	Author	Subreddit	Date (UTC)

Upvotes	Comment on	Subreddit	Date (UTC)
3	24yr Marriage was bad, I had an affair, decided to separate, told her last week, and now she is fighting to save the marriage. Be careful if you stay in the marriage. Once you recommit to that it will spiral again. I dealt with the same thing for several years. A year out from the divorce and as I reflect back I could see all the shifts in her behavior that sucked me back in. She doesn’t want to work on the relationship, she wants to control the marriage. She’ll hold the affair over you forever. Maybe not at first but there will be a time where she happily throws it back in your face of why the marriage is struggling.	/r/Divorce_Men	17/08/26 02:54 AM
7	What I realized - healthy relationships I’m one year into separation and I think a big difference for me is focusing on emotional intelligence. Both for me and her. I recognize the complete lack of this in my old relationship and it has put me on high alert in future relationships. But the clarity it gives quickly weeds out the crazies. And when you find it, it’s incredible.	/r/Divorce_Men	18/10/25 05:10 AM
3	I just need to vent Be careful. Sounds like she wants the benefits and comfort of a marriage without the effort. I navigated that for 2 years. Seeing now that it dragged out for too long. Too many reset buttons hit to only end up in the same place. The journey sucks but I am in such a better place now. You will see so many things differently you’ll be shocked that you lived like that for so long and didn’t realize it. And unfortunately the phrase “one day at a time” is about the only way to get through it. There wi…	/r/Divorce_Men	17/10/25 12:12 AM
2	You know what’s worse than divorce? Going through this now. Only after the split did I realize the NPD. Shame on me for not seeing it sooner but being the expert she is, she slowly pulled me into her crazy world. Once I recognized the behavior I experimented with some responses to mitigate her NPD approach and things have settled down decently. Therapy and journaling has helped a lot. It’s still no walk in the park but as we get closer to the end of this process she is learning that I am not her victim to control. Unfortunately a …	/r/Divorce_Men	28/09/25 04:42 PM
2	My wife and I decided on divorce yesterday… Get out and try new things. Get out of your comfort zone a bit. Say yes to things even if you aren’t sure. You’ll swing and miss plenty but you’ll also find yourself in new fun situations, create new friendships, and find new hobbies.	/r/Divorce_Men	28/09/25 04:26 PM
13	Biggest Fear? My biggest fear was reentering this world after having a teammate (albeit a bad one) there next to me. Didn’t take long to realize I had more figured out than I thought. Less money now than we had together—but way less stressed than I’ve been in a long time. Only see my boys 50% of the time—but they are flourishing and our times together are great and give them some comfort when spending the other 50% with her. It’s lonely—but I’ve learned to embrace it and fill many of those times with new, fun…	/r/Divorce_Men	28/09/25 04:28 AM
9	My wife and I decided on divorce yesterday… Best advice I ever received during this ordeal was “one day at a time.” The days turn to weeks which turn to months. Find routines and stick with them. Dont get lost in you head. Go have some fun, it helps the dark times feel less dark.	/r/Divorce_Men	28/09/25 04:21 AM
2	I’m Floundering Boys Get out for a walk. Even a short one. Start journaling, even one sentence. Getting started is the hardest part but it will progress. My journal is huge for me. Allows me to take all of my racing thoughts/emotions and get them out. Helps me clear my mind knowing they are residing in my journal. And it’s unbelievable to go back and reread after some time. You’ll be amazed at what you wrote. Music is another one that has been good for me. The Wildflowes album by Tom Petty got me through my darkest …	/r/Divorce_Men	27/09/25 05:18 PM
2	Weekends suck. What's your best post divorce moment? I love the weekends. Complete shift from a year ago when I would hate Friday afternoons at the office knowing I had to go home. Weekends with the kids are filled with activities and looking for something to do together and actually enjoy it not feel forced. Weekends alone are great. My favorite is waking up on Sat am with no plan but thoughts on what I want to accomplish. Start with one thing and not uncommon to have my day just be random from there depending on what I’m feeling. Might be my ADD…	/r/Divorce_Men	27/09/25 05:14 PM
1	Weekends suck. What's your best post divorce moment? I second that. Nothing better than a woman making eyes at you and you recognizing it. Was blind to it for 20 years. Many times no intention to do anything with it, but a great confidence boost. And so much fun to start chatting with someone with no intentions or expectations. Just have a nice conversation without fear of rejection.	/r/Divorce_Men	27/09/25 05:11 PM
2	Finally coming to terms and at peace, but terrified of what’s next. She’s playing you. She has recognized your committment to the marriage and knows she can always “make it right”. It’s a vicious cycle that will only create long term trauma for you. I’ve dealt with it. I feel into a deep depression for a long time. I always tried to do more to make it right. She happily accepted it only to set the bar higher. She has the best of both worlds and can sense your fear of starting over and is taking advantage of it. I know the feeling of fear starting over. So many l…	/r/Divorce_Men	27/09/25 05:07 PM
1	Managing intimacy without commitment ? Spot on. There is nothing wrong with a little fun, but don’t use that to avoid processing the end of your marriage. That will be with you until you work through it. Delay it and it will only get harder. Go into everything with a clear head on why you are doing it and keep things separated in your head as long as possible. Be open and honest with the other party so expectations are known.	/r/Divorce_Men	27/09/25 04:58 PM
1	Thanks for the support and you can do it to! Remember an attorneys job is to help you navigate the legal process and protect you. The more you let your emotions into that relationship the bigger the legal bills get. Find an attorney that knows the law well and is reasonable in their approach. Be prepared to compromise and don’t dig your heals in if it can be avoided—especially with assets. There are lots of attorneys out there that will happily bill their time going to bat for you for anything. It’s not worth it as the only winner is the a…	/r/Divorce_Men	27/09/25 04:55 PM
1	Thanks for the support and you can do it to! The process is unbelievably hard my friend but the only way to get through it is to start it. It’s a long journey and often times it’s two steps forward, one step back. But as the journey progresses you start to see the other side and you become more in sync with yourself. You see the world differently and start to realize the negative issues in your marriage were even bigger than you could imagine. You start to wonder how you missed all of the signs. But it gives you clarity looking forward and…	/r/Divorce_Men	27/09/25 04:51 PM
4	Nights Are Hard 9 months into the separation/divorce process and know the feeling. Thankfully it does get better with time and from what I’ve read/heard that’s the only remedy. As time goes on you find your new routines, friendships, and hobbies that start to fill the time. My hardest part though is just having someone to tell about day and other routine things when I get home from work. Granted it often let to an argument with my spouse so at least I don’t have that anymore.	/r/Divorce_Men	27/09/25 12:22 AM
1	Is it just me? That’s it. Suffered from the same and could never put a name to it. It’s rough stuff. Let to me pulling the plug a few weeks ago. Shook her enough to ease up. Not sure what the future holds with us but anything is better than the way it has been. Good luck!	/r/Divorce_Men	03/12/24 11:57 PM