| Upvotes | Title | Category | Author | Subreddit | Date (UTC) |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 60 | HVM will take time to consider even the smallest things they can do for you | WHOLESOME CONTENT | broogaloo | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 24/11/21 10:44 PM |
| 1 | Leaving a HV man to pursue career dreams - anxiety, sadness, hope and excitement | DISCUSSION | broogaloo | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 19/02/22 01:15 PM |
| 0 | Be A Lady They Said - I rewatch every so often to get myself fired up to make a difference | broogaloo | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/10/21 05:40 PM |
| Upvotes | Comment on | Subreddit | Date (UTC) |
|---|---|---|---|
| 4 | Don’t let men (or women) shame you for leveraging your looks.Wise words, I needed to hear that. Thank you! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 27/03/22 10:50 AM |
| 166 | Don’t let men (or women) shame you for leveraging your looks.I completely agree that looks will get you far, and attitude combined with looks are powerful tools to advance in life. BUT. I would also say its a fine line to walk around men. It can be easy (especially for recovering pickmeishas, hi) to fall into a habit of looking great in order to cater to (and therefore use) men’s attraction to you. As another commenter said, when it comes to finding real HV partners, it can be exhausting to wade through a sea of men that view me as a toy, or project their… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 26/03/22 11:15 AM |
| 108 | I couldn’t find the original source of this text unfortunately, however I felt like this has to be shared. I was groomed into ddlg as a minor & am still unlearning the collective gaslighting from the kink community. Daddy dom/little girl or caregiver/little is not harmless. It glorifies pedophelia.I am also coming to terms with the dysfunctional dynamics I was conditioned to enjoy in the bdsm community. Literally fetishizing the denial of orgasm to cope with the fact that the partners I had were too inadequate to actually provide me one. Fetishizing physical and emotional abuse to stroke their little egos. There is no way for a person to be HV and also have bdsm k!nks. I cannot be simultaneously respected as a human being and also physically abused by my partner for their pleasure, even i… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 26/03/22 10:52 AM |
| 126 | FDS seems to be catching on, on Reddit : good job ladies!I agree it can be safer to PM, but have to say that I’m a nosy redditer and often click the comments downvoted into oblivion just to see what the brigade is about. That’s how I found this sub! So if you do feel safe commenting publicly, more women are bound to see it even if its poorly received by men. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 16/03/22 07:22 PM |
| 75 | The difference between being a famous man and a famous woman…Isn’t he also leading his own “church” and calling himself God right now? No child should be subjected to their parent’s untreated mania like that, its terrifying for them. That kind if psychosis can lead a person to be violent for what they believe is the betterment of the kids ie “I can only save them by sending them to heaven” or “if I cant have them, nobody can.” Not to say everyone struggling with mental health is prone to violence of course (statistically the opposite, I believe), but this… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/03/22 03:45 PM |
| 112 | If He Wanted to He Would, God Edition: I am pissed enough to make a whole as$ post about thisThis is such a good post, I would love to see it in the handbook. I'm saving for future reference. I am coming back to spirituality after a years-long hiatus, and the question of how my romantic partner/men in general fit into my spiritual existence is huge. The point about predators flocking to spiritual spaces rings very true in my experiences - I have never encountered such insidious, purposeful, emotionally manipulative abuse as I have in spiritual groups. They know that people are more will… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 12/03/22 04:28 PM |
| 5 | Tell me you've never actually been in a relationship, without telling me:Of all the stupidity in this picture, what makes me chuckle is "free gifts". In what world are gifts NOT free? They're gifts! I dated some clown once who, when I broke up with him, decided he wanted to take back every thing he had ever given me, even jewelry and his old bicycle that I had started using to get to work. I started to wonder if the jewelry had ever been gifted to (and taken back from) another woman. I saw the bike locked to a post outside his apartment months later (college, had to … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 05/03/22 07:35 PM |
| 59 | Vet like your life depends on it, because it doesI've realized recently that my BS (read: LV) radar has always been right and will always continue to be right. There have been way too many times when it was right but I didn't listen. I trust my gut more than ever about people I meet in passing or even see on TV regardless of their gender. You don't have to explain to others why you don't like someone's vibe. If your gut tells you there's something amiss with someone you meet, trust it! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 03/03/22 09:52 PM |
| 52 | Men who hide their political views from youI think this has been more common for me. I feel like I can sniff out rightwing/misogynist political views in a reasonable time frame, but a complete apathy towards world events and lack of any feeling about major human rights issues is a big fat red flag. If he doesn’t care at all about abortion rights, reparations for POC and indigenous people, land use…etc etc, it tells me he does not recognize his own privilege of being able to avoid those issues, and has no empathy towards people who are un… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 02/03/22 04:47 PM |
| 123 | I found this poem powerful…Imagine if men were expected to receive anal because thats what they do in porn! Or expected to be choked and slapped in the face and ask for more. Or any of the more extreme abuse “kinks” - being tied up and treated like an inanimate object, at the mercy of a violent sadist. Imagine if men’s discomfort, fear and pain were the goals of sexual gratification for women. Imagine if men had sex but almost never got to orgasm, pretending to enjoy the ordeal just to get it over with. Its hard to imagin… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 02/03/22 12:26 PM |
| 109 | This is why you never stay with a man who expresses interest in anal. What he really wants is to hurt and humiliate you.This is rape. It kills me that this form of rape is often unrecognized for what it is, and joked about all the time! As if its not an equally traumatic experience to be forced into sex this way. It took me a long time to realize when a man did this to me that he was a rapist. Women are so brainwashed into acquiescing to a man’s demands in the bedroom that sometimes we cant even see the abuse for what it is until months or years later. Never believe that it was an accident, they know. They know a… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 01/03/22 12:06 PM |
| 9 | Steps on becoming indifferent towards your abuser and trauma (bond)?Its been years for me and I still wish I could scrub the memory of him from my brain. I think ultimately the only thing that will help is therapy (not talk therapy necessarily, tried that). I’m not in a place to afford it right now but hope to get there sooner than later. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/02/22 05:37 PM |
| 39 | Vetting: if a worst case scenario happens to you, can you rely on him?Just want to add that you should never have to explicitly ask for most of this care. He should be emotionally intelligent to know when you need a shoulder to cry on, or some cold medicine when you’re sick. He should be able to pick up on your needs and do what he can to comfort you without you having to ask him to. Telling him you’ve had a shitty day is fine, he should act accordingly. Having to ask him for support after he’s been made aware of the situation is a red flag. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/02/22 05:31 PM |
| 216 | Red pilled Twitter caught encouraging men not to wear condoms and thinks STIs are part of a government conspiracy to keep birth rates down🤡Don’t sleep with men unless you’ve verified their screening results! These accounts are so dumb. I am unable to have children but I dont tell any man that until the relationship is established - they could easily see that as justification to have an argument about not using condoms (a nonstarter in itself). | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/02/22 05:13 PM |
| 28 | Please don't approach anybody's grown-ass son...Wow this is so well said! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/02/22 12:58 AM |
| 106 | What counts as toxic femininity in 2022Men have literally owned women for millennia. Of COURSE they’ll screech when we finally become capable of fending for ourselves and living independently (something that is truly a modern ability - our mothers couldnt even open their own bank accounts). Patriarchy is baked into every aspect of women AND men’s lives, and it takes so much more for men to realize and swallow that pill because they benefit from it, they have no need to examine the problems with the system they live in. It took me yea… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/02/22 06:40 PM |
| 0 | Leaving a HV man to pursue career dreams - anxiety, sadness, hope and excitementYou're correct - I got into this relationship before finding FDS and have been making choices to improve since coming here. I wouldn't say he's ready to let me go, but doesn't want to stand in the way of my long term goals. He can't uproot his established career to come with me. All that said, I didn't realize this post would be inappropriate for FDS, I'll remove and post elsewhere. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 19/02/22 01:35 PM |
| 6 | Recounting Tonight's L's from a Hotel Bathtub100% agreed! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 16/02/22 07:51 PM |
| 17 | "Your broke ass car" "And your craigslist couch" was on the lyrics 😂Back when I had a habit of choosing LVM who couldnt take care of themselves, a good friend gave me some funny advice that’s proven to be useful - judge him by his shoes (among other things like the Handbook, obviously). But if he only has 1-2 pairs of shoes, or the shoes he wears are nasty and falling apart, its a sign he refuses to put in the effort and $ to make himself presentable. His clothes might be fine, but if his shoes are nasty…get out of there. At the very least its a lack of social a… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 16/02/22 07:13 PM |
| 166 | Just saying that I would like *his* to mention *her* in the description… also the #1 point in *hers*… nah, sis you’re AMAZING (treat her well JO we’re watching)Sometimes I feel like I’m the only one that cringes at people putting their relationship statuses on social media like this. Pictures with your people are great, but literally defining yourself as someone’s partner? Ugh. I feel like it erases your identity and puts you in the shadow of your partner. Its like those headlines that always call women “wife of Mr Man” instead of by her actual name. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 16/02/22 06:58 PM |
| 26 | Recounting Tonight's L's from a Hotel BathtubYikes, I’m sorry you had to deal with that. He should be ashamed of himself. I would be so angry if he asked me for money after all of that, I would have told him he already spent all my money on dinner 🤷♀️ At the end of it though, glad you got a nice tub soak in peace! I hope your next trip to that city is much more pleasant ❤️ | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 16/02/22 06:41 PM |
| 70 | When a man blatantly says he's the jealous type, you better believe he's a toxic, controlling and manipulative man.Jealousy is a huuuuge red flag at any level. I will never be told how to spend my time, how to dress, who to talk to, etc. And the fact that he couldn’t immediately answer the question about exclusivity? Gross! So glad you dumped that nasty child. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 16/02/22 06:27 PM |
| 6 | Low effort men rantOof even if he was HVM, never entertain romance with coworkers! Have to laugh when men try to communicate by sending songs. Can they not voice their thoughts by themselves? | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 16/02/22 02:25 PM |
| 48 | Heartbreaking…long con revenge plan by scroteSome things can’t, especially if they’re sentimental. I don’t blame her for trying to get her things back, but do I wish she had been more suspicious of him! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/02/22 03:34 PM |
| 65 | Heartbreaking…long con revenge plan by scroteUgh this makes me shake with rage. Men will always show their true selves when they are denied what they want, always so intent on revenge. He was punishing her, and the consequences could affect her future employment opportunities, nevermind her mental health! When I left one ex, I had to go back and get some of my stuff, but I made sure to do it while he was not there (I still had a key). I discovered that he used my brand new vacuum to suck up his dog’s piss, ruining it. He left trash outside… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/02/22 03:32 PM |
| 98 | Hansel-and-Greteling my way out of a toxic relationshipThankfully yes, I escaped years ago! I hope only that the universe returns every bit of the bad juju he put into the world back to him. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/02/22 08:48 PM |
| 231 | Hansel-and-Greteling my way out of a toxic relationshipI did this too, in a journal. He found it while I was in the shower one night, and confronted me with it. I was angry at his intrusion on my most private thing in a life with no privacy. He lit it on fire and threw it away, choked me and forced me back into the shower, and turned the water ice cold. He stood there and watched me beg to be let out, in a calm voice explaining how I was being childish and when bad children throw tantrums, they get doused with cold showers until they tire themselves… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/02/22 08:19 PM |
| 22 | Trigger warning for exes of porn addictsI have a lot to learn - reading this I was thinking net positive for his gf right?! But the comments from all you queens make it clear that this is all wrong. Thanks for yet another wake up call ladies! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/02/22 02:48 PM |
| 16 | Why do so many men have bad breath?I went on a date with someone once who I swear did not brush his teeth at all. His gums were black at the edges and his breath literally smelled like roadkill. He also was against wearing deodorant, claiming that if a woman were really into him, she would enjoy his stench. I love my partner’s scent, but there’s a difference between clean person scent and rank armpits emanating such a strong odor that I was embarrassed to be in a nice restaurant with him. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 12/02/22 10:33 PM |
| 200 | Anyone wants to partner with a Scrote? I’m sure he’s 100% sincere“Hi I’m a pimp looking for a naive cash cow that I can use as a fucktoy too. You will have no power or agency, and if you’re unsure about my uNiQuE plan I’ll blackmail you into participating with no promise of monetary compensation.” Wow, sign me UP! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 10/02/22 07:22 PM |
| 11 | on beauty standards and wanting to opt out, way way outOh definitely, and if it isn’t an in person interaction I don’t even respond! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 10/02/22 05:41 PM |
| 27 | on beauty standards and wanting to opt out, way way outThe way a man opens a conversation with me is always so telling. I am one of those weirdly attractive people (feels uncomfortable to acknowledge) like Emma Stone - can either be stunning or a goblin. So when I do put the effort in to present as stunning, I get comments from men that come off as very transactional, as though I should automatically like them in exchange for their shallow compliment. Other lazy, bland openers include “Hey.” And “How are you?” This one bothers me because it puts the… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 10/02/22 05:27 PM |
| 20 | on beauty standards and wanting to opt out, way way outI am not a plus sized person but do love studying fashion through history. It IS harder for bigger people to find ready to wear clothes that fit well! I could get on a soapbox about it, but it isn’t needed here. I think the only important thing is feeling good about yourself in whatever it is you’re wearing. If that means a clean t-shirt and some nice jeans, then that works! I don’t think dressing up necessarily has to mean wearing a dress, nor does it have to include makeup or fancy jewelry. Si… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 10/02/22 05:18 PM |
| 61 | "What do I do when a man give me expensive gifts/do something nice for me?" - Say "Thank You", Smile, and Feel Happy that He CHOOSE to Do It.Great post. I definitely still struggle with this, even in a long term relationship. That knee-jerk fear that somehow any gift is a form of entrapment. I don’t voice my discomfort anymore because that can come across as very pickme, but the anxiety of receiving lavish gifts is something I haven’t been able to erase yet. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 09/02/22 08:08 PM |
| 66 | What are some signs someone's not over their ex?I totally relate. But in general I think as we level up, we get better and better at spotting problem behaviors before they become bigger problems. I worry too, but keep telling myself (and trusting) that I have a great bullshit sniffer now, and will never accept being taken for granted again. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 09/02/22 07:05 PM |
| 103 | What are some signs someone's not over their ex?This is a little off-topic, but I wonder about the opposite too - men that aren’t hung up on their exes, they just never loved them to begin with. Men who stay in relationships they’re not emotionally invested in/connected to, like that man that drunkenly admitted to his wife that he was just with her for consolation for 13 years. Is there a happy medium? As in past relationships that were mature and ended as amicably as possible, with healthy boundaries established afterwards and appropriate ti… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 09/02/22 07:01 PM |
| 160 | What are some signs someone's not over their ex?I was doing the same thing just now - when I think about it in retrospect, all of the men I dated who were still hung up on their exes were very obvious about it, I just thought I could be a good enough girlfriend to make them forget! 🤡 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 09/02/22 06:57 PM |
| 81 | Don’t date cops reason #2,387: female district court judge tries to rebut the statistic that cop families have 2-4x domestic violence rates. She literally is a judge and can’t grasp that her experience isn’t a statistic.I will never date anyone in law enforcement or military. The statistics are even more grim than the general population, and their professions are at odds with my moral compass. I dated someone in the national guard for a while and though he never got violent or abusive, the men he was always surrounded by were disgusting for a lot of reasons. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 08/02/22 05:44 PM |
| 3 | Reminder that this is the common behavior of husbands. Vetting is lethal and so is depending on someone other than your romantic partnerHonestly this sub has made me realize that more than anything else. We are socialized to believe marriage (and having children within that marriage) is the ultimate achievement, and that once you’re married its you and your husband against the world. But depending on each other for every social and emotional outlet is dysfunctional in the end. If you wouldn’t depend on a man for all your financial needs (another fairy tale we’re often raised with), why would your social and emotional needs be an… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 07/02/22 05:12 PM |
| 125 | Reminder that this is the common behavior of husbands. Vetting is lethal and so is depending on someone other than your romantic partnerThis is probably my biggest fear about getting married. You vet and vet and vet, but there’s no way to know if he’d do this when the unthinkable happens. I know I would vow to be by my partner’s side through sickness and in health, but what if they just…did this? | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 07/02/22 12:17 PM |
| 30 | Trafficking disguised as dating or job offersI’ll add mine here as well, because I think specific examples can be helpful in addition to general scenarios: I was sitting in an open area on my college campus. I was alone, but there were people milling around everywhere. A man (looked older college-aged) came up to me and after chatting for a few minutes (he said he was just trying to meet new people) asked if I wanted to go to dinner later. I said I had to go to class, so I left. Class was across campus, almost a mile away. When I got out o… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/02/22 02:21 PM |
| 26 | What are the telltale signs that he might actually have mental illness and/or personality disorder?I was with someone who literally pulled out a sharpened, rusty railroad spike one night because he was convinced he heard an intruder in the living room. It was his dog. He eroded my grip on reality, constantly twisting every little thing I said into an attack on him, or a suggestion that I was cheating. When confronted about his ludicrous behavior, he would fall down and grovel. He would fake this extreme macho confidence and possessiveness over me, but actually had crushingly low self esteem t… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/02/22 01:51 PM |
| 43 | Cosby Documentary: "Sex Therapist" Sonalee Rashatwar Claims "Sex Negativity" Caused Cosby's RapesEven in her twisted up logic, the massive missing detail is that they've just removed any consent from the picture upon "willfully" being drugged. Sure, the r*pist in this scenario could say they're only going to do x or y, but who is going to stop them when they decide they want more? That is their kink. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/02/22 01:06 AM |
| 10 | I don’t know what to say other than ewwwww!Oh lol I’ve gotten these after posting/commenting here, I figured it was some scrote’s doing but I was just confused, as I hadnt heard of it before. Like I must want to harm myself because I’m doing the work to better my life? | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 03/02/22 06:36 PM |
| 58 | Act around men you are attracted to but haven't signaled their interest in you yet as if they were takenLove this, its a good mindset shift. I also think crushes in general get so overblown (mine tend to anyways) because of confirmation bias! It can be easy to amplify the positive attributes of a person because you already want to see those traits, and it just snowballs into this unrealistic idea of who your crush actually is. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 01/02/22 05:00 PM |
| 14 | Why do men show up to our homes uninvited?With people I already know well and am not romantically involved with, sure I agree on this point. I dont love it when friends drop by unannounced (and they dont very often), but I would open my door to them. The situation is completely different when its a man I’m dating! He doesn’t get to cross that boundary. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 31/01/22 05:20 PM |
| 31 | I just learned how to be mean to men (diary of a religious woman)Good on you for realizing that nothing you say or do will change what they see you as. I'd argue that self-describing as a bitch is detrimental to your own image, but also the concept that society has of women in general. Here's why. "In pop culture and in everyday life, men and women use “bitch” as an epithet against women (and non-conventional men) as well as a means of expressing dominance over a person or object. Women who “reclaim” the term—by declaring themselves “bitches,” calling other w… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 28/01/22 02:23 PM |
| 53 | Backfooting: the Disturbing New Dating Trend Men Don't Want You to Know AboutAnd it just gets worse the more you allow it - in the worst relationship I’ve ever been in, it started out as subtle implications that I might be interested in/flirting with other people (if I talked too cheerily to a cashier or bartender), and snowballed to the point where if I was home late from work even by 10 minutes, he would accuse me of sucking some guy’s dick in the bathroom to make a few bucks! Just reading about this makes me furious, though it is validating to hear that its a known ta… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 24/01/22 05:07 PM |
| 96 | Are men seriously trying to normalize erectile dysfunction now??? 😬😬Seconded - I really struggle to get there with partners, and since I've only ever been successful by myself I don't know where to begin on that conversation with my SO. Definitely going to be doing some reading, thanks for this comment! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/01/22 11:55 PM |
| 12 | Casual Sex ConfusionI’ve had this issue for years as well - the relationship I’m in right now is great, but did move faster than I was aiming for at the beginning (pre FDS). I think for me its about a false sense of power. If I make the moves first, I’m less likely to be ghosted or rejected. In a society where we’re constantly conditioned to hate ourselves, sexual prowess used to provide me the validation that I was indeed desirable and “powerful”. This is obviously not the right way to validate oneself and as you … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 19/01/22 12:09 PM |
| 82 | Strangest icks and dealbreaker?This one gets to me and I can't put a finger on why. Maybe its because its different with different people - they speak to their family, friends and coworkers normally. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 18/01/22 10:58 PM |
| 0 | What’s with men not giving a damn about birth controlI'm sorry you've had such bad experiences with men in general, bi men included. I guess I take issue with the implied insinuation that bi people (men, women, etc) are likelier to cheat because they have more "options" i.e. friends of the same gender. Bi women get that rap as well - that they're more likely to cheat because there's more people for them to be attracted to. A person's sexual orientation does not have anything to do with being a cheater. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 16/01/22 10:38 PM |
| 13 | Let’s talk about choosing not to blockI block spam callers from my phone because they're annoying. How is blocking an unwanted person's texts any different? | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 16/01/22 12:28 AM |
| 4 | What’s with men not giving a damn about birth controlI agree on all points, but just want to state in case its unclear to anyone: being bi does not make one more promiscuous or sexually irresponsible. Like you said in your last point, it was his male-ness, not his bi-ness that caused him to disregard his, his male partner's, and my safety. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/01/22 09:56 PM |
| 2 | What’s with men not giving a damn about birth controlI have no issue dating bi men, this one just happened to be really irresponsible. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/01/22 01:48 PM |
| 22 | What’s with men not giving a damn about birth controlExactly. Also the whole pregnancy thing as a general concern for women. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/01/22 12:57 AM |
| 216 | What’s with men not giving a damn about birth controlI was in an open relationship (I know, I know 🤡) with a bi man once, and he told me AFTER we had already had sex that he had slept with a man without a condom the night before. The unbelievable level of self-centeredness and lack of consideration was mindboggling. They just don’t think of it, because the consequences for them aren’t usually lifechanging. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 13/01/22 05:31 PM |
| 16 | REMINDER: STAY MADI am ANGRY about an endless list of injustices done to women over millennia, large and small. But anger gets exhausting after a while. I pour my anger into art, but at the end of the day I need peace in my body to be able to continue the lifelong fight. I need safe spaces like this, like the book club I connect with (we only read women authors), and the solitude of my home sanctuary. Stay angry. Forever. But also allow yourself respite with other HV women so you don’t burn out ❤️ | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 13/01/22 05:09 PM |
| 106 | Do men understand the difference between flirting and being friendly?Is it possible that she meant she would replace him with another woman?? I’m hoping for your sake that that is the case! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 12/01/22 12:25 PM |
| 71 | Tired of the men obsessed with women “reciprocating”FDS made me realize that I was giving my everything in relationships (literally every romantic relationship I've been in) while it was hardly ever being reciprocated. So I started testing it out: if I start mirroring their level of effort (low, if any) towards all the things I consciously choose to do to maintain relationships, would they notice? If I stop initiating engaging conversations, stop picking up or making thoughtful gifts, stop arranging my schedule to allow for quality time together,… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 05/01/22 10:54 PM |
| 16 | Ben Affleck casts blame on Jennifer Garner for his drinking problemThis reminds me of one of my NV exes that tried to blame me leaving him for his urge to break into cars and steal things. He called me, drunk as a skunk, to moan that I had made him do horrible things and commit petty crimes, and if I had only stayed his life wouldn’t have spiraled. Gross. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 16/12/21 05:49 PM |
| 45 | Here is what being single will get you:Congratulations!! This makes me so happy to hear. I left a nasty, emotionally abusive ex several years ago that left me essentially bankrupt. Since then I've leveled up and continue to, while he's stuck in the middle of nowhere all by his lonesome like he deserves. Leaving him was the hardest, most expensive, most dangerous thing I've ever done, but it was so worth it. When you know, you know. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 13/12/21 09:40 PM |
| 54 | US-based women who are actively dating/in relationships: Protect your wombI was so terrified of getting pregnant that I was unable to enjoy sex with my partner. I've known I don't want children for over a decade, and was taking birth control that I knew was contributing to mental health issues and weight gain. I know too many people who's contraceptive failed. And then this looming court decision. Luckily I found an awesome female doctor that performed sterilization for me, and its made a huge difference. I know I'm fortunate to have the opportunity to remove that anx… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 02/12/21 02:24 AM |
| 110 | US-based women who are actively dating/in relationships: Protect your wombYour thoughts on whether abortion is morally right or wrong are not relevant to the argument on whether women should have bodily autonomy. Abortion will happen regardless of its legal status. Making it illegal (or extremely difficult to obtain) just forces women to put their lives at risk in unregulated, desperate and dangerous situations. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 02/12/21 02:14 AM |
| 16 | PSA Holiday Gifts that both of you use does not count as a gift!Worst "gift" I ever got from a NVX was a plastic bag (yeah like a trash bag) full of damaged clothes from a warehouse sale his workplace had. He worked for a clothing store and they were giving away the clothes that had holes, makeup stains, broken zippers, missing straps etc. They weren't even my sizes. He just bagged them all up like a goodwill donation and said Merry Christmas. Another dingus I dated clearly just went to Target and grabbed anything cheap he could find off the home goods shelv… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/11/21 10:00 PM |
| 18 | PSA Holiday Gifts that both of you use does not count as a gift!This sounds like he googled "gifts for women" and came up with that - totally tone deaf. That said, I once received a gorgeous wooden cutting board from an ex (who did turn out to be LV) that I still love and use all the time. It was a great gift because at the time I couldn't afford something like that for myself, it will last a lifetime, and I love to cook. I also love gifts that are useful to me, rather than just more stuff. If he pays attention to you and what you enjoy or mention wanting to… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/11/21 09:51 PM |
| 4 | Porn users will always be NVMInteresting, I hadn’t considered that. It still seems to have remnants of toxic masculinity lurking…on the one hand, I can see how a new sexual interest as a result of porn addiction would be troubling but on the other hand, it suggests attraction to the same sex is inherently bad. Especially in the religious context this person works with. All that said, I admit I am biased against religious “reform” of homosexual people and could be reading into it too much! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 02/11/21 01:35 PM |
| 11 | Porn users will always be NVMThis isn't relevant to your post, because I think the specific page you linked is refreshing and positive, but the guy that runs that site helps people with "Unwanted Same Sex Attraction". I just wish these data were couched in a less problematic site! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 01/11/21 11:42 PM |
| 8 | I did it. (TW: r*pe)We are here with you. I have so much respect for you, and I think I can say for all of us that we will be here to cheer you on and support you the whole way. You thank us, but thank you for what you're doing for yourself, for us, for every woman. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 25/10/21 05:15 PM |
| 11 | PSA: For the love of God, STOP faking your orgasms ladies!Oh I agree! This is all from the PickMeisha days. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 20/10/21 05:05 PM |
| 83 | PSA: For the love of God, STOP faking your orgasms ladies!Honestly? There is one time where I orgasmed with a partner, and it was by accident (I didn't expect it). This is partially because I've had some real asshats for partners, but even in long term relationships where my partner knows I don't orgasm from sex, there was no initiative to change that fact, even when I asked specifically for actions that would help me get there. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 20/10/21 01:11 PM |
| 30 | Bachelor Party And Strip ClubsOP I am so sorry you're having to face this - but as many other commenters have said, its not looking good. You do have time to think about it, let it settle in your mind: will you ever be able to take him at his word if he has so openly admitted that lying and specifically going against one's spouse's desires is acceptable? You know what his friend(s) would do for his bachelor party - do you trust him to decline a stripper? If he were to decline a strip club or stripper, do you think he will de… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 18/10/21 10:21 PM |
| 2 | FDS is BACK!I missed you (all)! And really appreciate your efforts to keep this sub what it is intended to be. Also excited for a more "positive" direction re:post tags. While the examples of scrotery and the dangers of dating are generally very helpful, it can be overwhelming to constantly see the depravity we all know is there. Cheers ladies! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 13/10/21 02:14 PM |
| 1 | What abusers believeCheck, check, check and…check. I got tangled with someone who literally checked off this entire list. I was in deep. Saving this to remind myself of the truth when I need it. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 24/09/21 12:38 PM |
| 4 | FDS is not the place for you if you’re not willing to examine your own attitudes, beliefs and behaviours100% agreed! The truth can hurt, but I'd much rather have the truth than live in a glass lie. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 13/09/21 08:04 PM |
| 147 | FDS is not the place for you if you’re not willing to examine your own attitudes, beliefs and behavioursIt feels like a slap in the face to be called out for pickme behavior, especially when you've worked hard to level up on your own pre-FDS. But that's exactly what I'm here for! It wouldn't be a pursuit of a better self without learning how to change my behavior and swallowing hard pills in the process. I love this sub and the knowledge herein. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 13/09/21 02:12 PM |
| 21 | Attempting to “heal” my trauma set me up for more abuse.This resonates - I've not been able to seek therapy yet, but realized that I have continuously gaslit myself into relationships with men that I should never have met in the name of "giving him a chance". Thinking that maybe my past hurt and heightened sensitivity to being mistreated was causing me to see it where it didn't exist, or that I was projecting my fears onto potential partners, creating an unhealthy cycle for myself. Essentially believing it was all my fault. The truth is that manipula… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 08/08/21 12:57 AM |
| 38 | If a man has a beef with another womanI'm sure I'm several of my NVX's "evil ex girlfriend". Makes me want to cackle, because I know better. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/07/21 02:04 AM |
| 12 | Lingerie is NOT a giftI have to agree - I wouldn't want anything like this as a birthday or holiday gift (especially Valentine's Day barf), but I really enjoy wearing lingerie for my own benefit, and it is fun to see my partner's eyes widen if he sees me in it. Is it a thoughtful gift? No. Is it fun? I think it can be! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/07/21 01:34 AM |
| 7 | Hard truth: Long distance and/or online "relationships" are not real relationshipsUgh I've made the mistake of entering into online "relationships" like this more than once (cringe). Each time, months into it when we did finally get to meet in person, they were (surprise!) nothing like I had imagined them being. In speaking with and developing any kind of relationship with someone online, both people will unwittingly project positive traits they desire onto the other person. And then when you meet, the dream either crumbles immediately or shortcomings are ignored and each con… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 19/06/21 09:10 PM |
| 5 | It's time for the Saturday Strategy Spotlight! I hope you enjoy this week's picks!I would have missed these if not for the spotlight, so glad this post is here. Especially liked the romantic narrative one, much food for thought. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 19/06/21 07:49 PM |
| 5 | “50 Shades of Grey” was horrible and it’s tragic that it led so many young women to BDSMFor what it's worth, a lot of the "good" BDSM community reviles this series. Many people involved with the BDSM community were/are angry that this series has become so popular specifically because of the abusive/manipulative/boundary pushing behavior that is romanticized in it. People will say iTs JuSt FaNtAsY but that's exactly the problem - it introduces people otherwise unfamiliar with BDSM to unhealthy, unrealistic dynamics from the get go. All that said, I've realized since coming to this s… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 18/06/21 07:49 PM |
| 2 | This is Lilith from the FDS Podcast. I'm deleting my Reddit account because I'm tired of misogyny and harassment on Reddit.I’m brand new here but love the community the more I read. I’m sorry (and angry that I’m not surprised at all) that its come to this for you, but so glad there are other places the FDS community is reachable and strong. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 09/06/21 06:29 PM |
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