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builttoaskquestions Archive

View 6 posts and 50 comments by builttoaskquestions on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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1

Done.
/r/askTRP23/04/15 03:13 AM
1

If anything, this is it. Being the source of good feelings. Dish out enough good feelings, and some things will naturally start flowing your way. Thanks for the insight.
/r/askTRP23/04/15 03:12 AM
1

I meant it. You gave some solid advice.
/r/askTRP23/04/15 03:00 AM
0

We had a talk today after she got home about the gist of the issue. She wants more "pleases" as a courtesy. Plain and simple. Yeah, you addressed what I was looking for. Thanks for the advice, asshat.
/r/askTRP23/04/15 03:00 AM
-3

A shitty partner who's taking time out of his day, talking with people like yourself to try and be a better man. Thanks for the encouragement.
/r/askTRP23/04/15 12:33 AM
0

When you're with others, you two should be a team and be on one "unified front". Our power dynamic is broken. I've allowed her to dominate the conversation in my presence for so long that I've forgotten how to hop in and run the conversation. I get this feeling of pressure in my chest. I've lost my place. I'm not sure where to hop back in. I get confused. I try anyways. You did not pick up on her non-direct communication of "I don't want to argue about this in front of your mom" She felt it was …
/r/askTRP23/04/15 12:22 AM
1

But it will be your consistent behavior that provides the cues for her. This is the key takeaway. There's a part of me that doesn't want to put all the effort in to reinforcing the lines over and over and over and over again. If I don't, I'll be much worse off. Squats suck, but suck less than then alternative of no squats. Thank you for the foundation.
/r/askTRP20/04/15 10:46 PM
1

It's a silly girl on the playground. That hit it home. Thanks for the insight!
/r/askTRP20/04/15 10:44 PM
1

Learning about new options is the first step. Thanks for the honesty.
/r/askTRP20/04/15 10:42 PM
1

I will check him out. Thanks for the point, fnord. We're currently seeing a relationship therapist, on my request. A close family friend who does it professionally. She helps my SO understand that I'm not trying to be an asshole (yeah, she's a woman -- I think of her as a translator). Since we've started, the relationship has improved dramatically. My SO is now capable of communicating her needs without them coming out sounding like pots and pans rattling in the cupboards. Getting close to weani…
/r/askTRP20/04/15 10:40 PM
1

It was more of a lunch-line than a restaurant. Point duly noted for future reference. Your advice is not to sit down and have a rational conversation after-the-fact, but to give her a friendly jab in the ribs when she gets out of line. This girl is constantly asking "why." Why this, why that, why is it this way, why is it that way. To radically shift gears like this loses her a lot of comfort. You're gonna say that's beta comfort and I'm gonna say it's an LTR, so there's gotta be some comfort to…
/r/askTRP19/04/15 01:42 PM
1

Instead of saying, "this is my ship, welcome aboard" or "you're being a bitch. shape up or ship out," you're suggesting to grab her hand and welcome her aboard to start with, and when she gets unruly, kick her off the boat and let her swim.
/r/askTRP19/04/15 12:38 PM
0

Ah, ok, I was thinking more on the lines if she acts disrespectful in public, then peace out and leave her wondering. Point taken. If she does her own thing, I have no qualms about going out and doing something on my own.
/r/askTRP19/04/15 12:35 PM
1

Damn. Where I come from, we call that passive-agressiveness and don't do it Because Passive-Agressiveness Is A Bad Thing To Do. The conditioning is constantly coming under question. Thanks again!
/r/askTRP19/04/15 11:54 AM
-1

She's got a habit of resisting for a damn long time. The silent resisting, where she goes elsewhere. Great opportunity to learn stoicism. Thanks for the input.
/r/askTRP19/04/15 11:33 AM
0

Call me one of the few. How do you suggest to lead in this situation?
/r/askTRP19/04/15 11:16 AM
2

Fuck it, why not hug someone you just met? "Oh, this guy touched me with his chest... uhh... I dont want to be his friend now," was said only by people you probably don't want to hang with anyhow.
/r/askTRP18/04/15 12:58 PM
1

Shit, sorry, just caught this. No, that was the problem. I created a situation where I didn't want to be seen around friends. I was shameful of being seen socially with her. It was fun in a Doug Stamper dirty-secret-on-the-side sort of way. It wasn't good for overall social growth
/r/askTRP18/04/15 12:16 AM
7

...and replicate!
/r/askTRP08/04/15 11:08 PM
4

I rode the moped. AMA.
/r/askTRP07/04/15 09:53 AM
2

It sounds like you need to let all that out, to someone, and be heard. Please don't take this as an insult -- do see a therapist. Specifically, one focused on Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. Believing that you do people a disservice by sharing your presence with them is a strong sign of a faulty mental process. This is something you can work through with Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. It's cheaper than you think. One of the better investments you can make in yourself. Find a male therapist and feel…
/r/askTRP07/04/15 09:52 AM
2

I made the same mistake you made, once, but fucked the girl anyway. Fucked her twice more that week. The sex was actually kind of hot, but I didn't want to roll around town with her on my arm and that killed it. It was fun while it lasted, but it now feels like I wasted my time.
/r/askTRP07/04/15 06:33 AM
1

Thanks for helping me root out some cognitive dissonance. I'll share a story that your response brought out of me. There was a student that came to a meditation camp in the 70's. The type of camp where you sit without talking for 10 days, without moving for an hour or two at a time. Private meditation cells with a window that the instructor can peek through. Without the ability to move, small back pains can grow into significantly more painful events that one must stoically endure. The instructo…
/r/askTRP07/04/15 06:27 AM
1

Good question. I didn't understand the nature of her question. There were 4 bins next to the front door that needed loading. She asked if I had grabbed the cardboard. Something about her tone was hinting that I'd done something wrong. I'm carrying two giant loads in my arms and that question pops out. I was annoyed that she was that far behind me in the loading process and was focused on what I was doing, rather than what she was doing. Call it latent displeasure with her level of work around th…
/r/askTRP06/04/15 11:36 PM
1

lol. This is good stuff.
/r/askTRP06/04/15 11:25 PM
1

It does feel a bit like she's wishing for the old. She tends to throw carrots of "it'd be great if you just <insert x I did 6-12 months ago> and then we'd be fine" into the discussion. I've opened up to her that I'm going through No More Mr Nice Guy and she started reading it with me. It's a lot like having a new set of boots -- you put your foot down a bit too soft or too hard until you get the feel for it. She feels the shake-up. She's a bit uncomfortable with the change of footing. There is t…
/r/askTRP06/04/15 11:24 PM
2

Good call. Understand the emotion through exaggerated metaphor. I like it. I'll try and remember this one. Thank you.
/r/askTRP06/04/15 11:16 PM
1

Girl has some latent anger issues from her past. Knowing her, this most certainly would piss the hell out of her. Then I'm dealing with 2x the anger. I don't want to tiptoe around it, but it's a sensitivity that's there. I'd rather work with it to bring her back to a place of happy.
/r/askTRP06/04/15 11:15 PM
1

Yeah, I was in a bit of a rush. Not too rushed, the timing was fine, but I was on a mission to load the car. What's an amused-mastery response there? "Yeah, go for it." ?
/r/askTRP06/04/15 11:11 PM
1

Thanks for helping me see how I got the hamster spinning against me. The whole time, in my head at least, I'm not acknowledging responsibility for the way she's feeling. Just vibing with it. What you're saying is to not vibe with her when she's feeling butthurt. When she leashes out with butthurtness, to assert my frame by explaining the intention behind my actions, i.e. "you seemed confused, so I gave you some direction" or "it was time to load things into the car." In all honesty, when she bro…
/r/askTRP06/04/15 09:45 AM
2

It comes from idiotic fucking decisions (due to me being a stagnating piece of shit mostly) The value judgements here, man. Quit fucking doing that. You're not getting results NOT because you're a piece of shit, not because you make idiotic decisions, but because of very specific actions you've taken: You haven't set proper goals. You haven't made progress towards those goals. Rip out the value judgements. You've been calling yourself a piece of shit for a long time. It's become a crutch: "I hav…
/r/askTRP02/04/15 09:23 PM
1

Glad to hear you're starting to see things in a positive light. I hear a lot of regret in your response. One of the most self-confident guys I know handled a somewhat brutal jest and I've never forgotten what he said. The gist was, "If I can't look back 30 minutes in my life and see something that now looks stupid in retrospect, I'm not taking enough risk." Being able to recognize something as a past failure is good -- it means you've grown your perspective. Wallowing keeps you where you were. A…
/r/askTRP02/04/15 07:06 AM
3

Its easy to list all the things that you are not, and to demonize yourself for not having achieved things yet. You assume there are no others like you in real life, which further demonizes your situation. You use the word "pathetic" to describe your level of experience. You make up reasons (study computer programming, naturally shy, introverted, etc) as to why you're like this. You dump energy into rationalizing your lack of happiness. You've been to /r/seduction. You've seen the live in-field t…
/r/askTRP01/04/15 02:28 PM
5

It's easy to make up reasons not to flirt with attractive women. She tries to convince you to buy the more expensive one? Tease her that she only wants you for your wallet and buy the you want. Or leave and walk around the store and ask other girls' opinions. It's easy to act the role of the expert by pointing out difficult things without offering solutions. I wouldn't believe a word she says
/r/askTRP01/04/15 11:06 AM
3

Sounds like he found a second mom to please.
/r/askTRP31/03/15 01:57 AM
1

Sounds fair.
/r/askTRP31/03/15 12:27 AM
3

But just don't do shit and expect sex with your wife/gf, because her pussy is going to dry up faster than the Sahara. This is the lesson. If you're doing chores because you enjoy doing them, you're fine. If you're doing chores to get laid, you're a sucker.
/r/askTRP30/03/15 11:44 PM
1

What about the woman on the couch bothers you?
/r/askTRP30/03/15 11:42 PM
1

Thank you for the thought.
/r/askTRP16/03/15 10:10 AM
2

Thank you for the /r pointer. Not too surprisingly, she brought up two options tonight: She moves out so we can have some space. I acknowledge when I step on her boundaries. In all honesty, she's not looking for apologies left and right. She wants basic validation that when her feelings are exposed. I qualified her options and her reasons for wanting to offer them. I let her know that I am actively following #2 as-is and will continue to do so. I let her know she's more than welcome to leave, bu…
/r/askTRP16/03/15 10:07 AM
4

"Enough to know I don't need to answer that question."
/r/askTRP12/03/15 09:28 PM
2

Maybe the gutter ball clears out a stuck pin!
/r/askTRP09/03/15 12:04 AM
3

Mindfulness meditation. The thoughts are there because you've wound neural connections around her, denser and denser, with each passing day. Each time you allow yourself to feel pain, angst, depression, anger, sorrow, etc when the thoughts come up, it's like you're retracing the connections, giving them more strength. In mindfulness, you allow the thoughts to be without labeling them. They're just there. There's no good about them, no bad about them. Instead of focusing on the thoughts, you focu…
/r/askTRP08/03/15 11:16 PM
1

Taking the advice in heed. Had the first part of the conversation tonight. I let her know that her interrupting me is not appreciated behavior, and that she needs to wait her turn before she shares another topic. She responded in part by saying that she doesn't appreciate it when I interrupt her. "Honey, I wasn't finished speaking." It may be a bumpy road, but it's the path that's made to be followed. Thank you for the support.
/r/askTRP02/03/15 06:01 AM
1

This isn't something I've done much in the past. I've been afraid to, I'll be honest. Afraid that others will look at me and think I'm an asshole for doing so. Childhood shit on my end, for sure. Fuck. It will be done. Thanks for listening.
/r/askTRP01/03/15 11:52 PM
1

Boom. Thank you for the clear message.
/r/askTRP01/03/15 11:49 PM
1

As she puts it, she more or less raised herself. The one successful kid out of a family built on neglect and abuse. Having been through therapy myself, for a time I played the role of therapist to her. Now that she's seeing someone professionally, I tend to stay away from analysis and just ask her how her session was, then compliment her on the good work she's done on improving herself. This is 500x better, holy shit thank you professional listeners. She has some issues in asking for help. Even …
/r/askTRP01/03/15 11:48 PM
1

I like this. I can see it working AFTER the talk, as a gentle reminder.
/r/askTRP01/03/15 11:40 PM
1

I've treated her like a toddler in the past when it was necessary, and I honestly didn't enjoy doing it. I see now that it's a rock-and-hard place decision. Either treat her as she is behaving in the present moment, or build up an inner storm and hold frame after vomiting out lightning for a time.
/r/askTRP01/03/15 11:39 PM
1

Thank you. This is exactly what I intend to do.
/r/askTRP01/03/15 11:37 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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