c_a_l_m Archive

Upvotes	Title	Category	Author	Subreddit	Date (UTC)
17	Note on Femininity		c_a_l_m	/r/RedPillWomen	05/06/21 03:26 AM

Upvotes	Comment on	Subreddit	Date (UTC)
5	Alpha Widows and Dead Bedrooms is not entirely a choice for them. I don't know, it helped me.	/r/TheRedPill	05/01/24 05:11 AM
2	I feel like following RP advice will make me a monster. Can somebody help me get my head straight on this, and maybe help me figure out what kind of future would be worth working towards? TRP tells you what women want It often stops there and fails to say the obvious, which is that very often women shouldn't get what they want. It also often fails to highlight the next part, which is that women don't mind "not getting what they want" as much as you do. So: be normal. Do what seems like a good idea.	/r/TheRedPill	10/12/22 09:51 PM
1	Personal Boundaries Follow Up Post fair enough	/r/RedPillWomen	30/10/22 04:45 AM
1	Personal Boundaries Follow Up Post OK the sleep deprivation thing is...like, just spank the woman and be done with it, dude. I maintain that the personal belonging/kicked out of the bedroom things aren't hills to die on with a man you trust, but... Whatever else, think back carefully over his actions. There is a very good reason RPW stresses this.	/r/RedPillWomen	28/10/22 03:10 PM
-9	Help! My husband and I are at a complete gridlock as it relates to personal belonging boundaries. I think your time would be more profitably spent asking OP about her situation, than making assumptions about mine.	/r/RedPillWomen	26/10/22 09:34 PM
-3	Help! My husband and I are at a complete gridlock as it relates to personal belonging boundaries. I have not. And sure, it's partly sexual, but more than that, it's a...security thing. Remember, my wife could call the cops tomorrow and make my life very, very difficult (I have a friend to whom exactly this happened). I pay for everything: our house, (more expensive than normal) medical care, food, car. I have much less free time than I did single. That is all (easily) worth it and I don't regret marrying her. But that's because she's honest, kind, and good---and, more than that, because she'…	/r/RedPillWomen	26/10/22 09:05 PM
-13	Help! My husband and I are at a complete gridlock as it relates to personal belonging boundaries. I'll be a bit controversial here. I'll add that I'm a man, but I mean that as a DISclaimer, not "therefore I know the secrets of manhood" or whatever. The first, most important question is: do you trust your husband? Is he a good man? Like, does he love you and have your best interests at heart, or is this a prelude to you being found in a ditch? This is the internet, after all---I don't know the man. If he is a good man, I'd ask: what does submission mean to you? I was pretty clear with my wife…	/r/RedPillWomen	26/10/22 08:23 PM
5	Is it feminist of me to do strength workouts? Is that a problem if it is? guys don’t like “super muscly girls" this might be true but it is irrelevant, you'd have to be doing roids AND lifting a ton AND eating a ton to get anywhere near this	/r/RedPillWomen	22/07/22 08:00 PM
18	Had to cut my hair short, my bf prefers it long. So sad. Even more than the hair, he loves your desire to please him---which is still very intact!	/r/RedPillWomen	20/07/22 08:13 PM
2	how can i feel clean again? :(	/r/RedPillWomen	25/05/22 06:13 PM
3	Ways to shut down another man’s flirting when you’re in a relationship obligatory edit/real opinion: it's funny because it really does feel like this sometimes as a guy. You can do everything "right" and some guys may still feel rejected---which, well is accurate, because he is being rejected. Generally: the more committed you/your SO are, the less "offensive" it will be (male rejection rage increases with prevalence of hookup culture). I have hit on married women before w/o noticing the ring. Mostly I just felt stupid, but in a funny way the less committed you/you…	/r/RedPillWomen	12/05/22 04:00 PM
11	In a new relationship that is moving FAST, I’m wanting to hear the RPW perspective on my situation Cash is no substitute for a father.	/r/RedPillWomen	19/01/22 09:10 PM
4	Why are men attracted to innocence? https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/nsmkof/note_on_femininity/	/r/RedPillWomen	01/11/21 01:56 AM
15	Is it unrealistic to expect a guy to want to marry me and stay a virgin until he does? Is it too old school?😞 A man who will wait for you until marriage has very low pre-commitment risk, because you don’t have to risk adding to your N-count and you don’t have to give away any of your bargaining chips (as the gatekeeper of sex) to get him. HOWEVER, he has much higher post-commitment risk, because this is a man that was easy for you to withhold and control your sexual urges around. This assumes women are the gatekeepers of sex, and that is normally true...except when dealing with HVM, almost by definition…	/r/RedPillWomen	10/10/21 12:03 AM
1	For the Old Ladies: Laura Doyle is not real life I have aught to say on this (I know, everyone was asking, "Gee, what does c_a_l_m think?" I know, I know). The first is: women in general, as a group, are in the power position as gatekeepers of sex, and societal standards will follow what they do. However, for any individual woman, she is very likely to feel like she has no power at all! First, any guy she is attracted to will likely have other girls attracted to him who are willing to put out, and second, she is attracted to him, so she doesn'…	/r/RedPillWomen	25/09/21 02:11 AM
4	I don't want to nag...but I'd like it done! What your husband heard: "Can we get some new storage?" Your internal narrative: Overwhelmed with homeschooling messiness. He loves you. Nagging is not a function of frequency, but of shrillness. If he said he'll do it and you judge that he actually wants to do it, then he'll do it. If that's not soon enough for your time table, then: find some way to accommodate and ask again, (perhaps offering an alternative if in fact he didn't actually want to do it in the first place). The key is to ask, wi…	/r/RedPillWomen	08/11/19 12:58 AM
1	I never get approached by men, like my sister does. How can i improve my situation? I want to be like her, where i don't even have to try to get attention. Not knowing specifics, I can't say there's a single step you can take to get from A to B. In fact, I doubt there is. But I strongly suspect there are steps you can take that you will be glad you took, and that you won't regret. Do you get enough sleep? Are you eating as well as you ought to? (This is not a matter of obeying "rules," as much as being kind to yourself). Do you feel stressed? Do you have an opportunity to refle…	/r/RedPillWomen	01/09/19 04:34 AM
2	Wife Privileges You start by explaining to him that your goal is marriage. Then you follow up by explaining the difference between what he can expect of you as a girlfriend, and what will be reserved for your husband. With most people the problem is not that others don't understand them, but that they don't understand themselves.	/r/RedPillWomen	03/08/19 11:42 PM
2	Downplaying Academic Success As A Woman To Avoid Being "Emasculating" I see. I meant no aspersions on your comment, no worries.	/r/RedPillWomen	30/07/19 05:27 AM
3	Downplaying Academic Success As A Woman To Avoid Being "Emasculating" loneliness-inc should be listened to on this point. I don't have an answer to "what to do." But anyone proceeding from the intimidation hypothesis is just wrong.* If you were at a bar, and Tom Brady chats you up and declares he's fallen in love with you---are you going to believe him? Aren't you going to be pretty sure that he's just horny for the night? That's the closest analogue. It's not that he's intimidating. It's that you can make a realistic assessment of what his incentives and likely b…	/r/RedPillWomen	30/07/19 05:12 AM
4	Dressing Femininely and Negative Reactions From Other Women Let's assume you're right, that there's some passive-aggressive edging-away going on. That certainly seems possible to me. Be kind through it. Behind envy is always sadness, or insecurity. But they don't need to be sad! If they want to improve themselves (which may often be harder than it looks like from the outside), you're there to help. If they don't, you're there anyway, as a friend. It's a tricky situation, and this may not be "the answer," but it's worth keeping in mind.	/r/RedPillWomen	27/07/19 04:05 PM
3	About situationships and having a guy commit to you I think that the way the first girl handled it was wrong somewhere and that's what I am trying to figure out. You have to be careful with deductions like this. Sometimes you do nothing "wrong," but things still don't work out. Sometimes he's dumb. Guys are dumb sometimes. I mean, sure, I guess you can go over every memory with a finetooth comb, and maybe you'll even find some things, but from a practical perspective, you get the most bang for your buck by improving yourself generally, and not sh…	/r/RedPillWomen	21/06/19 08:37 PM
1	What else can I do? I really have to push back: No, they won't. They might care about some other factor that's the cause of that, they might even misspeak and confuse the two. But men are jealous and possessive, retrospectively: you win no points with a man for having slept with other men before him, and you lose none for not having done so.	/r/RedPillWomen	20/06/19 01:29 PM
1	What else can I do? Sometimes I think that a guy may view me never having been in a relationship as a red flag. They so don't care. Whatsoever. Any guy who says he cares either is lying, or is confused and actually cares about something else.	/r/RedPillWomen	20/06/19 02:08 AM
27	Obedient vs Doormat: Contradictory advice in RPW literature However in the other book - it mentioned that in order to be seen as RPW material you should always have your own priorities interests and life, and dont evolve your world around him. One way to think about this is risk management. What you want to avoid is investing a bunch in a man...and then having him leave. But if you're married to a man, then he has specifically promised he won't leave. It is then much safer to invest in him. Fascinating Womanhood is generally written for wives.	/r/RedPillWomen	04/06/19 05:58 AM
0	I don't know who to pick! I just don't want to keep my options open any longer because it would seem unfair to both of them. This is not a good reason! If you feel like this is it means all three of you should probably be dating around more, either to realize you/they can do better, or that you/they can't. In addition---how exactly are your options open with the second guy? It sounds like you have the option to share an apartment with him and have sex with him. Is that an option you want?	/r/RedPillWomen	21/05/19 07:32 PM
2	How do I reconcile my (24m) and my gf(21 f) very different sex drives? This is not the place.	/r/RedPillWomen	15/05/19 11:33 PM
12	Should I tell y SO that I have hyperphagia? Tell him, and don't make it a big deal. These things are best handled by starving them of psychodrama. Keep this in context: you don't have a coke habit. You aren't running up the credit card. And it is not a good trend, but it is not actually ruining your life. So tell him, and say it's a bad habit that you're trying to stop, but don't go overboard and start catastrophizing things. That feeds it. You want to starve it. Then go do something either that is practical and you've been avoiding (payi…	/r/RedPillWomen	15/05/19 06:02 PM
6	What can a teenage girl do to prepare for dating? Ctrl-F "father" If your dad is in your life, he is a rare beast among men as far as you are concerned, as a man who will drop everything to help you, but doesn't have sex complicating things. Pay careful attention to him---the things that he does, the things that he says, etc. Ask him why he thinks what he thinks.	/r/RedPillWomen	11/05/19 02:26 AM
4	What type of women do "Chad" commit to and marry? Channeling /u/girlwithabike...Chad is not a real person. If you're dating Chad, you won't be for long, either because he'll change...or because he won't. The important characteristics of Chad are: 1) attractive to women, and 2) not trusted by men. Why isn't he trusted by men? Some sort of character flaw. Why are women attracted to him then? Because he's attractive, duh. But also because attractiveness plus a flaw is even more attractive, especially to a flawed woman (and we are all flawed). The …	/r/RedPillWomen	11/05/19 01:59 AM
1	[advice] how to not be "damaged goods"? But I just have this paranoia that there's something people can tell about me that sets me apart from the "naturals". There are some mistakes that can't be erased, but can be overshadowed by comparison to something else. You can't change the past. But you can move on from it.	/r/RedPillWomen	06/05/19 06:25 AM
1	How can a relationship survive infidelity? How can a marriage survive infidelity? By surviving. Every day is a victory, whether it feels like it or not.	/r/RedPillWomen	19/01/19 10:10 PM
1	What is the best age to get married? The data may be hard, but the interpretation is anything but. Here's an explanation that matches the data but would not support following the trend: divorce rates are higher when SMV curves are female-favored---that is, a 24-yr-old hottie is more likely to divorce for the same reason an NFL player is likely to cheat---because they can. Here's another: otherwise competent, well-put-together women follow the social trend of late marriage, equivalent to being a star student in an astrology class. H…	/r/RedPillWomen	13/01/19 08:21 PM
1	My boyfriend is very likely to move to another city. Should I break up with him? he is very serious about our relationship and he might propose to me within a year. Let him prove it then. Oh, man, this is hard to say. Look. It sounds like you guys love each other very much, and are having sex. From an outsider's point of view, you should get married. But that's a conclusion he has to come to himself. Until then, and for the duration of your relationship, you have been off the market and increasing your n-count, with no guarantee that it's leading anywhere. And for him, he ha…	/r/RedPillWomen	12/01/19 05:49 PM
1	My boyfriend always wants me around What do you want in the long term?	/r/RedPillWomen	07/01/19 12:43 AM
1	Advice Needed: How to Spend Money on Upkeep/Maintenance without Guilt Some questions: Do you feel financially secure? What "better use" could the money be put to? And, this is a weird question, but do you feel like you and your husband are net assets to your community? Do either of you volunteer in any way? I'm not trying to badger you---actually I'm wondering if that sort of thing would stop you from badgering yourself!	/r/RedPillWomen	06/01/19 12:08 AM
10	How to develop SMV and make my ex regret to leave me? We are studying at the same uni so I'm gonna see him a lot next semester and I want to make him think: " Shoot, this girl is SOMETHING....and I let her go!" and maybe revalue things a little bit in his head... Give up on this. You could do everything "perfectly" and not succeed, or he could have a vivid dream tonight, realize you're his soulmate, and come crawling back---and something still wouldn't feel right, because you're not comfortable in your own skin. You're trapped in your own head. Bes…	/r/RedPillWomen	02/01/19 12:19 AM
5	I (25F) want children, my husband (29M) does not. should I leave him? Ok, sure, but that just transfers the discussion to making a commitment while being unsure about future aims. All one can really do is shrug. I don't mean to be unsympathetic. Children are wonderful and important. But three things stand, unchanging: 1) the point of marriage is to take it seriously 2) her actual alternatives are probably not good. There are men who will marry frivolous divorcees and have kids with then. They are generally old and/or beta. 3) By way of encouragement, 2/3 of unhapp…	/r/RedPillWomen	18/12/18 05:16 AM
1	3 simple steps to keep him smitten forever! Fair enough, it sounds like we agree.	/r/RedPillWomen	17/12/18 08:36 PM
1	3 simple steps to keep him smitten forever! Men marry for love. They feel love from sex. And respect. If you think it's just sex then he'll start feeling like a john, and you'll start feeling like a whore.	/r/RedPillWomen	17/12/18 07:48 PM
12	I (25F) want children, my husband (29M) does not. should I leave him? You vowed "for richer or for poorer," did you not? At the top of this subreddit is stickied a post: "Own your stuff." Well, hey, you married this guy. Own it. Is this something you should have vetted for? Probably. But the time for vetting ended when the marriage began. Let me ask you something: imagine a family-minded man, looking to have children. How do you think he will see someone who took marriage so lightly? For that matter, how do you see someone who would take marriage so lightly?	/r/RedPillWomen	17/12/18 07:42 PM
14	Are pretty girls not allowed to be funny? The great thing about laughter is that it's an unconscious response. That's what's great and relaxing about laughter----and also, well, a little dangerous. When you're laughing, your guard is down---which is one reason all men, even the BP ones, know that it's a good sign if they can get a girl laughing. There's a component of dominance to laughter. Men are instinctively aware that they live and die (genetically, anyway) based on relative dominance, real or perceived. What this means is that the…	/r/RedPillWomen	13/11/18 07:59 AM
1	Former feminazi searching for the truth and a better understanding of red pill To some extent RPW is about submission. This is less about "women being inferior" or similar, and more about understanding men, and understanding yourself. The prevalent lie is that men want sex. Men are very big fans of sex of course, and think it's a great hobby, and some are even slaves to it, like others are to heroin. But at the end of the day, if all you can offer a dude is sex, then one of three things will happen: he'll stay because he doesn't think he can do any better. Woo hoo. he'll r…	/r/RedPillWomen	12/10/18 04:42 AM
2	Boyfriend putting me on a pedestal Bless you.	/r/RedPillWomen	01/03/17 08:06 PM
2	Why male intellectuals who write about about sex remain anonymous. Tacos is amazing. This is my favorite.	/r/TheRedPill	01/03/17 02:41 PM
6	Reoccurring problem This is not to imply that it was "their fault somehow," because I don't know these women. How could I possibly know? I do hope, though, that this anecdote sticks in the mind, as it illustrates the importance of vetting. Sometimes you can't see it coming, obviously, but (also obviously) sometimes you can.	/r/RedPillWomen	20/02/17 03:23 AM
17	Raise your SMV. Lose weight. I just wanted to mention this: Recently I did a bit of a binge looking at the top posts of all time on /r/progresspics. What surprised me was how many crazy hot women are walking around in fat suits. To put it another way: if I see a girl who is overweight, I just assume that her present level of attractiveness is where she'll be at for the rest of her life, and it can't vary that much. I was completely wrong. To overweight women reading this who feel ignored by men: a) you probably are, sorry. …	/r/RedPillWomen	27/09/16 07:00 PM
2	How to find a boyfriend in college? A couple things at the outset: Or is it true that any man will commit given the right circumstances? No, so don't beat yourself up over this. It's discouraging and part of me has thought that maybe I'm asking for too much, or maybe it's not possible, but I know it is, of course, because plenty of women in college are in serious relationships. I know it's trite, but: remember that not all relationships are good. Some girls (and guys) you know will be in a relationship just to be in a relationship…	/r/RedPillWomen	06/09/16 12:39 PM
1	I feel like I'm wasting my youth in college As usual, Stingray nails it.	/r/RedPillWomen	27/02/16 06:45 AM
4	My last three relationship have mimicked each other, and I've ended them all for the same reason. Is it something I'm doing, or just incompatibility? which makes me wonder if my extra education is intimidating, and is maybe emasculating. You probably don't need to hear this, but I spray it out into the ether every so often so people can't mistake it: It's not the education that's emasculating, it's the assumed hierarchy that comes with it. As for the justification for RPW's general dude-leads hierarchy: generally, men hold the final responsibility in the relationship. Smart but naive dudes who are over-proud of their intelligence will think t…	/r/RedPillWomen	22/02/16 09:56 AM
7	My last three relationship have mimicked each other, and I've ended them all for the same reason. Is it something I'm doing, or just incompatibility? Then when I move to change the subject, he'll say things like "giving up already?" "I learned this all without a degree" or "guess you don't do much at the school, huh?" It makes me feel belittled. At some point, it's happened so much that I start to find him unattractive, I get frustrated, and this is around when I'll end things. In my last relationship I got fed up and actually had a full on debate with him, thinking that if he's trying so hard to talk about it then I should talk about it, rig…	/r/RedPillWomen	22/02/16 08:52 AM
2	"I want a man with balls" An article I think the point is it's not extra effort? It is.	/r/RedPillWomen	20/02/16 05:10 PM
3	Is my career intimidating or attractive to men? I feel weirdly qualified to comment on this, having dated pretty actresses, and also having gotten a perfect score on the SAT. I don't know what weird club we're in, but, uh, hi. First, make sure to differentiate between SMV and MMV. Professional success as a model and actress definitely increases your SMV. If you're worried about that, don't be. Second, this kind of worries me: Should I leverage my status to try to nail down a really high status guy? TRP and RPW sort of have this problem of hav…	/r/RedPillWomen	13/01/16 01:57 AM
1	First time starting a new relationship with a red pill mentality.. Need some advice/perspective/guidance! I don't mean to freak you out, but some time when you're not emotionally invested in the outcome, spend some time reading this post and considering the implications. He sounds like a great guy.	/r/RedPillWomen	18/11/15 01:16 AM
0	I turned 24 last week and I don't know what to do with my life Many are not very good looking, not very funny, not "the life of the party", not ambitious in terms of career. Then they're not high SMV.	/r/RedPillWomen	18/11/15 01:06 AM
5	I turned 24 last week and I don't know what to do with my life If I'm going to give up my own income it's important that he can support our lifestyle. How important? What if he gets sick and it messes up his career and he has to take a crappy job to pay the bills? What if you get sick and he has to take time off to take care of you? Money's great, I'm a big fan. I even think you should pay attention to it when looking for a husband. But it should not be at the top of the list.	/r/RedPillWomen	18/11/15 12:53 AM
1	Alpha/Beta dichotomy from the ground up Worthwhile reading is Cane Caldo's stuff...particularly this.	/r/RedPillWomen	22/10/15 03:56 AM
1	How can I support my husband in what I think is a bad financial decision he's about to make? The "top" to which the linked post refers is not within the company, but in the family unit. Being #3 in the company is endurable, as long as he's #1 in the family. Honestly the answer to "how to support him" is: support him. You know how, you just don't want to do it because you're (understandably) freaked out that you think he's going to make a bad decision. Well: back off, and scold yourself a bit for horning in on stuff that's not under your purview. If it helps: Selling is wack, yo. I'm fuc…	/r/RedPillWomen	22/10/15 03:43 AM
1	Being demanding will not help me get into a serious relationship. I know what I've done wrong in the past with this guy, but is there anything I can do RIGHT from here forward so things go the way he wants? Is there any way I could get what I want as a byproduct? It would be totally possible. It would also be possible for me to win the lottery tomorrow. Possibilities are bad foundations for decisions.	/r/RedPillWomen	14/10/15 10:26 PM
2	How can I support my husband in what I think is a bad financial decision he's about to make? You would be surprised at the (positive? it's hard to explain) burden a man feels when his wife trusts him unreservedly. Reciprocity is a thing. The other thing is: if you don't have the same goals, having the conversation will not be fruitful. And he has one goal (that you should share, but it doesn't come automatically) that can be threatened in cases like this: to be on top.	/r/RedPillWomen	14/10/15 10:22 PM
1	I'm a 19 years old redpill woman needing advices as i'm entering the dating world for the first time. making him wait? Thinking about this all wrong. If he's attractive enough, you won't be able to make him wait, because you won't want to wait. Like, you realize that over on TRP we have treatises and blog posts and specialized vocabulary, all aimed at getting women to want to have sex with us? I mean, I don't want to exaggerate this, but some of us are scary good at it. And we're the nerds for whom it didn't come naturally. If he's not on board and in support of, of his own free will, the whole …	/r/RedPillWomen	12/10/15 09:18 PM