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casual_shanter Archive

View 9 posts and 47 comments by casual_shanter on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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1

Yes I'm real. 100%. My history is there for anyone who wants to verify that. Yes it's 2 years, yes the sidebar is read, yes I lift, yes I know what a shit test is, yes I can AA, yes I can do DGAF, ... but something is either fundamentally fucked with my LTR or with me because I can hit retarded rock bottom with alarming regularity. Dude I am asking for help. Don't expect anyone to give it but right now I've got nothing to lose by posting.
/r/MarriedRedPill21/10/17 11:43 PM
1

Struggling a bit to get day 2 task down as every time I start to really dig deep I pull out what feels like a never ending list that leads to total confusion as to how to begin to prioritise and tackle. Hoping getting it down here will help get some clarity. Deep down I feel like I'm so afraid of failing in life that I'm failing to actually live. I have a good job, income, home, savings etc. but I am using a small percentage of my potential. Every day I go through the motions at work - wasting t…
/r/MarriedRedPill02/03/17 10:27 PM
3

I'd say that openly flirting with other men is definitely not a pattern of her general behaviour or certainly not when I'm around. I am as close to 100% certain as I can be that she has never cheated on me - this through a combination of keeping tabs on her phone and internet activity and also the look of abject horror on her face when I suggested she might have ever strayed in our relationship. She's an appalling liar and has no idea how to cover her tracks online so I'm pretty confident in tha…
/r/MarriedRedPill31/05/16 04:37 PM
1

Yep, realise it was relevant to be more explicit about my LTR situation - 17 years, unmarried, 2 kids. That said I was interested to read the split in the replies between "next that bitch" and "you failed a shit test" - the former of course not as straight forward as maybe it seemed given our circumstances but a valid view point nonetheless. To be honest that split pretty much sums up the situation and the reason there is probably a boring familiarity about my posts and questions. I'm not going …
/r/MarriedRedPill30/05/16 05:05 PM
2

This I agree with. The reason I posted this story is that despite being a good 14 months in and seeing personal gains that even surprise me - physique, fitness, confidence - it's a real reminder of how far there still is to go that an incident like this can throw me so much. In terms of LTR material, nexting etc. I'm very clear that I'm not in a position to call that yet if I can crumble so easily.
/r/MarriedRedPill28/05/16 01:26 PM
6

Shrug it off. Take it as a reminder to knuckle down. Don't talk about it. My track record at social occasions where I don't know many people is not great so I was on a mission to play with as many people as possible and not hang around my LTR waiting to be brought into her conversations. To that end it went well. Just wasn't expecting such a blunt reminder of how little I'm creating the tingles with my LTR.
/r/MarriedRedPill27/05/16 06:56 PM
3

Yep you know. I was orbiting them. My LTR and three other hotties were orbiting him.
/r/MarriedRedPill27/05/16 06:22 PM
1

Without doubt lifting has been the single biggest driving force of any positive changes in me since I stumbled upon MMSLP 14 months ago. Reading got me going but when you're a rock bottom chump with a type A personality LTR running your life it's pretty easy to fail shit tests early on. Moreover when you're immediately trying to measure how you're doing based on how that LTR is responding to you it's never going to go well. Enter the 5x5 app, installed on my phone in November 2015 and I can tell…
/r/MarriedRedPill23/05/16 09:09 PM
0

To clarify as per my post I smiled and shook my head in a "that's not happening" kind of way. I didn't say a word. I didn't say no. My take was I had a full gin and tonic, and she was being a bitch so it wasn't happening. The awkward silence could well have been as much to do with her cunty comment as my smiling head shake. Who knows?
/r/MarriedRedPill14/03/16 06:56 PM
2

Its crossed my mind but I haven’t given it serious thought. My own hamstering says I can happily go a month without a drink (done this a few times as a health kick) and there’s a clear pattern to when and where it feels like it’s a problem - at home, after argument or rejection from wife where I can’t find any other form of release. About 18 months ago I alternated between alcohol and online gambling as my form of release / entertainment. Thankfully I knocked the latter on the head without havin…
/r/MarriedRedPill09/12/15 12:26 PM
9

Been some months since I found this sub, read MMSLP and fired off a load of beginner questions. Got some great responses and then I STFU and got on with what needed doing. Had some improvement in my situation but still a long way to go. Still read almost everything on here daily as a constant source of motivation. Now something I realised this weekend is that my four biggest enemies are clear. 1) lack of sleep, 2) alcohol, 3) my mouth (especially when combined with 1 & 2), 4) my lack of hobbies …
/r/MarriedRedPill08/12/15 02:00 PM
1

Been some months since I found this sub, read MMSLP and fired off a load of beginner questions. Got some great responses and then I STFU and got on with what needed doing. Had some improvement in my situation but still a long way to go. Still read almost everything on here daily as a constant source of motivation. Now something I realised this weekend is that my four biggest enemies are clear. 1) lack of sleep, 2) alcohol, 3) my mouth (especially when combined with 1 & 2), 4) my lack of hobbies …
/r/MarriedRedPill07/12/15 11:27 PM
1

Been some months since I found this sub, read MMSLP and fired off a load of beginner questions. Got some great responses and then I STFU and got on with what needed doing. Had some improvement in my situation but still a long way to go. Still read almost everything on here daily as a constant source of motivation. Now something I realised this weekend is that my four biggest enemies are clear. 1) lack of sleep, 2) alcohol, 3) my mouth (especially when combined with 1 & 2), 4) my lack of hobbies …
/r/MarriedRedPill07/12/15 11:26 PM
1

Been some months since I found this sub, read MMSLP and fired off a load of beginner questions. Got some great responses and then I STFU and got on with what needed doing. Had some improvement in my situation but still a long way to go. Still read almost everything on here daily as a constant source of motivation. Now something I realised this weekend is that my four biggest enemies are clear. 1) lack of sleep, 2) alcohol, 3) my mouth (especially when combined with 1 & 2), 4) my lack of hobbies …
/r/MarriedRedPill07/12/15 10:30 PM
1

Yep. 3 times a week for past 6 weeks. Running twice a week since Jan. Phyisical improvement is pretty noticeable and I was tall and slim to start with.
/r/MarriedRedPill26/05/15 05:50 PM
1

There are definite similarities. I struggle to see where it comes from though. Her upbringing was in a solid family with a very caring and loving Mum. My wife takes after her Dad who is a dominant character who always has to be right. But he's a good man despite driving us all mad at times. Wouldn't say they had high expectations of their children - Dad is a manual labourer, Mum was SAHM. Also my wife's brother is so chilled out it's not true. We always say he takes after his Mum and my wife is …
/r/MarriedRedPill23/05/15 03:16 PM
1

So this is where I think things have gone wrong. MAP is up an running as of about 6 weeks. Gym is 3 times a week. My haircut is sharper. My wardrobe has had an overhaul . My teeth have been whitened. I finished 3rd out of 220 in the Dad's school fun run (after never having run before and training like it was the Olympics). I have started meeting up with my male friends again every couple of weeks. And she has noticed. "Are you having an affair", "I want to hold your hand"... this was a good star…
/r/MarriedRedPill23/05/15 12:25 PM
1

This resonates 100%. At work I'm actually a Head of department, six figure salary and highly rated. My role is a creative one and I'm known as an ideas guy. That means my management is more keeping the team motivated and inspired. Ideas can be pretty fucking intangible so success in my role isn't £'s on a P & L sheet or numbers on a worksheet. For my wife it was so I guess that's why I struggled to take my high status at work home with me.
/r/MarriedRedPill23/05/15 12:07 PM
1

Bang on sir. This is her. I also sense that her sex with previous partners whether the one anal encounter or the more traditional was never mind blowingly enjoyable. She's always enjoyed sex once it's in process but never to the point where it's more enjoyable than ticking things off the fucking to do list. When we do fuck it's usually "ok but first I want to sit down and plan our holiday / show you the solution I've found for storage in our daughter's bedroom / do a quick 15 minute blitz on the…
/r/MarriedRedPill23/05/15 12:03 PM
1

That's my suspicion. My wife wasn't short of offers after we hooked up but she has never cheated. Oddly, I have. I've kissed and fooled around with 3-4 mainly in the early days. She doesn't know this. My wife actually offered me anal once in the early days but of course I declined - I wanted to make love, not fuck her. How times have changed. I don't think she was ever full on slut or 3 times a week with anyone but I always felt she didn't desire me in that uncontrollable way.
/r/MarriedRedPill23/05/15 06:03 AM
1

Thanks dude. My expectation of the reaction was based on how tragic it felt to read that back. Chin is up more than down and MAP is up and running but you're right there are big picture things at play here. I know triage isn't really the thing here so have kept comments and questions to specific situations and incidents but cool to give the full scenario and glad of any insight.
/r/MarriedRedPill22/05/15 10:24 PM
1

Thanks for offer to dig deeper. No. She will masturbate with me when we're having sex. Normal routine to warm her up is for me to start fingering her (Jesus that's such a teenage phrase!) and she'll normally take over her clit at some point. She doesn't masturbate otherwise. To bring her to orgasm it take me fingering her - both clit and inside - or going down on her (something she used to lov but these days often says she doesn't want, isn't clean etc. Generally I've been pretty consistent brin…
/r/MarriedRedPill22/05/15 09:41 PM
1

Yes, SMV is not high enough in her eyes. That I see. The improvements are coming along. The 3 times a week gym and better diet is paying dividends. I am getting out more with male friends. But it was my understanding that I should always be initiating. Sure if I get a hard "no" I leave the scene calmly. We've actually had sex twice in the past week - usual is 1-2 times a month - but it has been starfishy. I searched this sub and it seemed opinion was split on whether starfish sex is better than …
/r/MarriedRedPill22/05/15 07:48 PM
1

As I say I am aware my initiations are dreadful but I want to keep initiating. I can see that "I want to fuck you" is needy and pathetic. I'm a long way off reading SGM or much PUA material so I guess maybe a better question would be how best to initiate at an early stage. My wife is used to me being pathetic and clumsy at initiating. I've got 16 years of it to undo. But got to start somewhere.
/r/MarriedRedPill22/05/15 06:40 PM
1

I guess I was thinking more along the lines of decent cocky / funny responses that might turn a "I don't think so" into a sex session. I get removing myself if it's a hard "no" but I'm wondering if failing to have a playful response to the first line of resistance - "I don't think so", "I don't want to be under pressure like this", "this isn't just about you there are two of us in this relationship" is a missed opportunity. Maybe I've got that wrong?
/r/MarriedRedPill22/05/15 06:19 PM
2

Thanks for taking the time to write that. When you're starting out you literally cannot read enough.
/r/MarriedRedPill08/05/15 03:59 PM
1

Being realistic the happiest outcome is vacation with wife and kids. Staying at home (UK) won't give me what I like - sunshine and pool time. If I leave her behind I think it looks pouty - one thing to go down the gym after a rejection, another to leave the country with the kids for a week. And if I do leave her behind it inevitably forces an ultimatum plus kids won't be happy and I'll suddenly be caring for two kids on my own. It's not ideal - ideal is family holiday where kids have a blast and…
/r/MarriedRedPill08/05/15 03:45 PM
1

On the passive libido thing, it's not something I've come across but it sounds bang on. During our few counselling sessions this was the script "I don't want to have sex with someone I don't feel close to. I need someone who helps more round the house, comes home and watches TV with me twice a week, makes dinner once a week, tidies up more..." There were some valid points there but this isn't the stuff that's going to get her wet is it? The idea that "I can't relax if I know the dishes need doin…
/r/MarriedRedPill08/05/15 08:22 AM
1

Yes you're right. Her Mum passed 3 weeks ago. Any sort of ultimatum was last thing I wanted - had planned on a full 16 month process of improving and building dread based on the length of the relationship. The vacation thing just hit a nerve. The bedroom was dead before her Mum's illness so the issues are not related to that at all. It makes for a tricky situation because the vacation thing would have wound me up 2 years ago but I wouldn't have understood why or felt I had any control. Things ar…
/r/MarriedRedPill08/05/15 08:16 AM
1

The don't reward shitty behaviour bit I get but I'm not sure how you keep your kids best interests at heart with something like a family vacation. Sure it would be a pretty significant action if the wife didn't come but we're not divorced - might be one day but we're not yet. Just can't see how not taking the wife does anything other than fast track us to the ultimatum that I'm clearly not ready for. It's a pretty major play and given the welcome reminders that her Mum died 2 weeks ago and that …
/r/MarriedRedPill08/05/15 07:58 AM
3

Ultimatum was not intended but came from a moment of clarity - I work my ass off full time, you stay at home, you don't desire me yet you're telling me where you want a holiday and how much of my salary you want to spend on it. Just too much bullshit for me to not say something. I agree with almost everything offered back here -circumstances around her Mum's recent death mean pushing for sex or giving an ultimatum feels wrong. But as I say it was like this before and I just thought "what the hel…
/r/MarriedRedPill08/05/15 06:30 AM
1

This is get 100%. I've not had genuine interest from another female for a long time. Used to happen all the time. I'm in pretty decent shape to start with and look about 15 years younger than I am. Problem is for so long I've worn the cloak of a wife-beaten beta loser and it is clearly utterly repulsive. Need some nights out where other women are around to really get the feeling of doing this for myself and not to get my wife to fuck me.
/r/MarriedRedPill06/05/15 09:11 PM
2

On my good days I see it the way you see it - I'll never go back there. But after a 10 week drought, twice a month would feel like major progress right now. Biggest mistake I could make would be to get back to 1-2 times a month, compare it to the drought a kid myself it's not so bad. I guess this is why the question on the wisdom of NoFap. When you make your wife your only release you make it harder to have OI in the face of rejection.
/r/MarriedRedPill06/05/15 09:09 PM
1

Well she says she's unhappy too and also wants a better sex life - but then she caveats it with "but if you want it more than once a week then we might as well split up now as you're asking for something I'm not going to be able to give you." This was months ago before I discovered TRP but even then I knew it was nonsense - you can't put a quota on desire. The issue was there was no desire there hence the plan to work on me and see where we get to.
/r/MarriedRedPill06/05/15 07:50 AM
2

Reaction to "are you having an affair?" was to genuinely laugh, take her hand and lead her into the dinner party we had just arrived at. The next day when she asked the same I responded with "Are you having an affair? Because you seem obsessed with talking about it" (thanks to someone on this sub for that one). I guess it felt too early to try and cash in on my minor self improvements. My plan was to keep lifting, keep reading, remain civil to my wife but make it clear my focus is now me. I'd re…
/r/MarriedRedPill06/05/15 07:45 AM
1

Nope, nothing suspicious in phone or browser. She actually asked again and I responded with "are you having an affair? You seem intent on talking about it?" to which she replied "are you joking?". And I do believe her. She doesn't know how to cover her tracks online or on her phone.
/r/MarriedRedPill27/04/15 03:11 PM
1

I was surprised by the speed of her noticing and responding to my changes but key for me not to really pay much attention to it. I reckon there's a year or more of self improvement that needs to take place so I don't want any sense of achievement yet. It is uncanny though - we were out again last night for a friend's birthday and on the walk there she complained that I wasn't holding her hand and then reached for mine - seven days ago I had a total victim puke about her not letting me cuddle her…
/r/MarriedRedPill26/04/15 09:00 PM
2

Which bit is petty blue pill behaviour? Progressing goals is the aim for sure but I'm at the lift, read, focus on yourself stage so wasn't really set for this confrontation and didn't naturally feel a better response than to smile and try and shrug it off. What was your suggestion for a more goals orientated response? (I'd imagine I'm going to get the question again soon so might as well be prepped).
/r/MarriedRedPill25/04/15 06:54 AM
6

I like this but there's part of me that is quite happy tucking myself away, lifting, reading, improving without being too overt just yet. Kind of hard though when you get a "look me in the eye and tell me you're not having an affair" question.
/r/MarriedRedPill24/04/15 10:56 PM
1

Projecting? I don't understand what you mean. I can't 100% rule it out but I am pretty sure she isn't. She doesn't delete her browser history and I see nothing of concern. Same with her Facebook messenger and e mail.
/r/MarriedRedPill24/04/15 10:54 PM
2

Only about 3 weeks so very early days. Relationship is 16 years old so I'd factored in almost a 16 month plan of self improvement before hitting ultimatum (hence the confusion over whether to talk first, improve later or vice versa). Interestingly I've had a good week of self-focus on fitness, coming home and going straight out to gym 2 nights out of the last 4. Wife fumes "I suppose this is for your new chick?" last night and then gives me "is this all to improve your online dating profile?" to…
/r/MarriedRedPill23/04/15 11:11 PM
1

I've told her straight that it's bullshit. I've told her I need sex in my marriage in the same way she needs conversation and companionship. Her response wasn't to disagree. She said she needs sex too - but of course then said that she didn't need it as much as me and that if my expectations were more than once a week then she'd sooner we split up as she wouldn't be able to satisfy me - blamed age (39), having had kids, stress of running a house. To me that was just more words, more bullshit. Bu…
/r/MarriedRedPill22/04/15 01:00 PM
4

And this is where I'm getting it wrong. I lack the alpha traits, the cockiness, the confidence. I chose to read and discover what the underlying issue was at a time when implementing these things means I'm not acting compassionately. Getting the balance right is proving very difficult. In my own time the compassion is there - I've sat on my own and cried my eyes out over the impending loss of my mother-in-law who is a great woman who did so much for us and our kids. But when I'm with the wife an…
/r/MarriedRedPill13/04/15 03:13 PM
1

Yep it feels like we don't really know each other at all. I'm surprised that seems surprising. That's why counseling started and that's why I'm here. It's amazing how long you can withstand being in an unhappy rut before you realize things should be so much better in or out of this relationship and you need to change things. As soon as counseling stopped I went looking for a better understanding of why we were so dysfunctional and found it in NMMNG and MMSLP. The challenge is that I need to add …
/r/MarriedRedPill13/04/15 03:08 PM
1

I am right at the start of the self improvement / MAP process so I realise I need to get the basic first steps right. So much good advice here so thanks. One last question, I can see that when I next run into this situation and suddenly remove myself from the scene and go do something else unplanned that she is going to say that I'm sulking at her rejection that tit for tat is childish, not attractive etc. As its a clear reaction to not getting sex I want to show strength and I still don't see h…
/r/MarriedRedPill28/03/15 08:05 AM
1

Since reading MMSLP my moves for sex have usually pegged the sex to some sort of reward - "I'm going out for lunch. Be lying on the bed wearing nothing but a smile and I might let you come with me". If I'm up front like that is it a covert contract? My feeling was no, I'm injecting some fun and that if sex didn't happen then I just go have lunch without her. The complaint I get however is that I'm putting pressure on her all the time with these pre-emoted offerings. No doubt at all that I need t…
/r/MarriedRedPill27/03/15 11:40 PM
1

Where I struggle is if I've set up the intention for sex followed by a meal / watching TV / a glass of wine, if she rejects the sex bit then isn't walking out to do something else and abandoning the rest a bit sulky?
/r/MarriedRedPill27/03/15 09:09 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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