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civil_scientist Archive

View 0 posts and 60 comments by civil_scientist on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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3

I personally don't care how many people they have had sex with; I care about safer sex habits and that our perspectives on sex/intimacy are more-or-less aligned.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/07/22 02:31 AM
2

Over the course of my life? I would say about 80%. Mostly because I was in a 10 year relationship where the sex was initially great and then he just....stopped trying? Stopped listening to my (very gentle) requests for things that would actually get me off. He was always talking about sex being his primary form of feeling close to me so I kept doing my part for him. Took me a long time after we broke up to even consider wanting sex again... My current partner, on the other hand, is incredible wh…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/10/21 03:27 PM
1

I think you're missing the point, though. Men are physically intimidating to most women. I think the only way you could empathize is to imagine a large man doing this to you (because, believe me, in these scenarios these women are not even remotely thinking about attraction when a guy is being aggressive, so an apt comparison would be someone to whom you feel no sexual attraction).
/r/PurplePillDebate07/10/20 09:56 PM
1

My rebuttal to this is often: if you are a straight man, imagine a large man doing to you what men are doing to these women. Does it feel fine to you? or does it feel threatening? Having someone approach you loudly and aggressively expressing sexual attraction (regardless of whether or not you have even made eye contact with them yet) is alarming, not a compliment.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/10/20 02:21 AM
10

If you switch out "excuse" and switch in "explanation" in this comment, then I would agree. Human behaviour explains these choices...but I don't think it excuse them. They can still be objectively bad decisions that we should strive not to make, despite their roots in documented human psychology.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/03/20 05:59 PM
5

Just here to back you up. I whole-heartedly agree with this statement.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/03/20 02:23 AM
2

I dream of a relationship where I'm able to find the right compromise. With the right person I love sex, but my body takes about a week to want to do it again. I've never said no to my partner when he/she wanted sex before, but if it's been less than a week...I really am just doing it for them. That is fine; I love my partner and want to keep them happy...but...good gravy, is it too much to ask to occasionally wait a week? I'll give blowjobs to keep them happy during the week with relish and gus…
/r/PurplePillDebate14/03/20 03:46 PM
2

Heh, So I had this exact thought in college and said, "Finally! I'm with fellow young adults and we can handle emotional and relationship conversations with maturity and grace!" A guy invited me over to watch a movie at his place and we had a lovely time, he put his arm over my shoulders and enjoyed a friendly movie. Great. I sent him a text message later on and asked, "Hey, have you considered us being more than just friends? Is that something you would want? I would be interested in trying for…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/03/20 09:39 PM
3

My only concern would be STDs; the penetrated partner has a much higher risk of contracting something and I would want to sit down and discuss his history, his recent test results and how they are timed relative to that wild phase. Otherwise...I would think it's kind of hot that he was able to follow his desires like that and bring up prostate stimulation since he's probably open to it and I love it. As another commenter said: I suspect that many men have issues with high n-counts because they a…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/03/20 02:01 AM
28

I really hope OP is reading and internalizing these answers rather than simply thinking, "but I'm not like that. Not all men are like that!" Just like not all women are kind of annoying and bitchy when you turn them down. It doesn't erase the fact that too many spurned men turn to violence and murder.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/03/20 06:57 PM
2

I'm a woman, and my male partners have effectively always said it first. "Love" is a huuuge deal to me. If you're on the small list of people I love, it's access to another level of loyalty and commitment. If you need me, I drop everything and I run to help. No matter what. Always. Men have, by my estimate, always said it too early...though in every case I grew to love them too and it turned into a meaningful, long-term relationship (n=3)...so maybe I just take a little longer? I don't have a di…
/r/PurplePillDebate11/03/20 03:03 PM
2

Today became unexpectedly exceptionally busy, but I wanted to take a moment to thank you so much for your feedback until I get a minute to respond in full!!!!
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/20 11:32 PM
4

I have a question for you, given the content of this comment. I have a friend who is in almost that same situation. He's never been interested in me (we had a frank conversation about it; I am not his type by far), but he was my gym buddy for years and in the same cohort in grad school and I care about him deeply as a friend. He has been obsessed with finding a girlfriend as long as I have known him. He is truly one of the sweetest and most talented people I have ever met. However, I am quite ce…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/20 03:30 PM
5

If you don't mind my asking: who do you feel told you these lies?
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/20 03:14 PM
1

I saw this coming. I <3 St. Louis but East St. Louis is a whoooole other story,,,
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/20 06:46 AM
1

You are awesome for seeing an issue in your original comment and making a correction! It happens too rarely, it's not easy, and I applaud you for it :)
/r/PurplePillDebate07/03/20 06:54 AM
1

Well hello there, Botrick. I'll always appreciate a good American Psycho reference..... though it does not bode well for my suggested approach...hmm...
/r/PurplePillDebate07/03/20 06:46 AM
1

I've never had any sort of cold approach work on me. Then again...I've never had someone try anything more sophisticated than "DAMN. That booty!" or something similar. I'm what some folks might refer to as a "PAWG". I had one guy buy me a drink out of nowhere with no prior conversation....but when I told him I didn't drink alcohol he just sort of awkwardly left. A random thought on the matter: carry a pen and paper/business card with you. Receiving a phone number sans any other creepiness can be…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/03/20 06:44 AM
2

I've been a masochist as long as I've been aware of sexual desire. I enjoy it to a degree that most women don't. It's certainly not because of social pressures: my first sexual experience involved my sexual partner raking her nails gently down my back and every nerve ending in my body lit up like it was Christmas. Nothing has ever given me more pleasure than pain and I don't get turned on without it. When it comes to sex, some people are most comfortable translating that to a rough fuck...some p…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/03/20 07:07 PM
1

I think a dead bed room is really bad, not because sex is the most important at all, but sex is a way to show our connection. So a dead bed room means poor connection, a lack of want to connect with your partner, what’s the nucleus of a relationship, but it’s not sex by itself. I totally agree with this. The problem lies in one or more members of the partnership desiring an important connection and one or more members being unable or unwilling to provide it to their supposed life partner. Additi…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/03/20 05:20 PM
9

In answer to your last question: my biggest complaint about discussions in this group is how often my feelings and experiences are questioned in any comments I make. By all means, let us debate my hypotheses and my conclusions. That's what this place is for. However, I don't know how anyone can have a productive conversation when someone is always explaining why I don't think and act the way I say I think and act?! I am certainly not a typical woman in many respects, but it seems as though there…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/03/20 01:53 PM
1

I am biased in that the majority of my dating is in the kinky and sex-positive world. It's an expected conversation and many people publicize the specifics of their most recent results on their profile. I feel for anyone not part of those circles because it does seem to be an awkward experience for many.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/03/20 09:45 PM
2

Looks matter. I need at least a baseline level of attraction to someone to consider anything physical, no matter the other circumstances. As other comments show: what I like may not necessarily be "conventionally" attractive. Except height; I do much prefer taller men, which seems to be a general trend for women. I'm tall (5'9") and prefer them to be an inch or more taller than me. But it's more like a checkbox: "Do I find him reasonably attractive? Yes? Great! Now on to other, equally or more i…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/03/20 07:50 PM
1

Maybe I'm wrong...but do you think it's a "bad" perspective? If so, I would be very interested to hear your thoughts. I admit, it's idealistic to the extreme and requires lots of self-awareness on both parts, which isn't as common as I'd like.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/03/20 04:03 PM
2

Someone who asks and listens without ego. If your partner is comfortable sharing about what feels good: listen and do your best not to let any requests for changes make you feel bad about your sexual skills. People like different things, and she's only sharing if she wants to do it with you again! If she's not comfortable sharing: do your best to create an environment that makes it less uncomfortable: "God, I loved it when you moaned into my ear. I want to hear that sound all the time: what coul…
/r/PurplePillDebate03/03/20 06:26 PM
3

When talking about relationships, not hookups or FWB: Authenticity and a desire to be the best version of yourself (in your eyes, not mine). If you're happy with yourself, and you present yourself honestly (and so do I) and we enjoy each others' company...that just seems like the best recipe for a relationship. No pretense to maintain or drop. If a man becomes someone he does not want to be in order to attract a woman, I don't see how that can lead to anything but bitterness and stress. On the f…
/r/PurplePillDebate03/03/20 05:31 PM
1

I just know that more words won't help the situation so...have a good one and feel free to leave the last word down below:
/r/PurplePillDebate01/03/20 04:37 PM
1

oookay.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/03/20 05:46 AM
3

Alarming numbers of people are having unsafe sex. Hearing stories from friends/health workers/forums it just astonishing how many people just...don't use a condom or any form of STD check beforehand for a long list of reasons.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/02/20 11:01 PM
2

Oof; this makes me sad. I think you're right, in the sense that a lot of folks find STD testing/asking for results to be "unromantic". I just so wish that wasn't the case, though. Taking care of one's sexual health should be the most romantic/sexy thing to do in the eyes of oneself and one's current/future partners.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/02/20 10:57 PM
4

Heck yes!
/r/PurplePillDebate27/02/20 10:54 PM
4

I always ask for an STD panel before I'm sexual with anyone. However, I would like to point out something super quick that not lots of folks know: - Tests for HSV (herpes) are rarely, if ever included on standard STD blood test panels unless you very specifically ask for it. - The standard HSV blood test (antibody test) is only 50-60% accurate so... Just FYI.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/02/20 09:36 PM
1

If I'm understanding correctly (some of this terminology is new to me) your point rests on a "BB" wanting the "AF" non-commitment lifestyle but being unable to obtain it without promising commitment? While I'm sure this happens...you are aware that lots of men want a committed, monogamous relationship, right? That's their ideal setup and they seek it out exclusively? I say this as someone who is currently open to non-monogamous partnerships and have been approached with "you seem lovely, but I'm…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/02/20 05:10 PM
3

I agree with this! Sure, I have physical preferences, but there's a pretty big range of what could be attractive to me. Most important is a Good Experience. I've never had a ONS or slept with someone I hadn't known for at least a few months, but the two times I was intimate with a man I didn't know /well/ (one of them was drop dead gorgeous to me) it was an...eh..experience. I want great sex, not meh sex and Average Joe can be bomb in the sack if we're compatible.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/02/20 09:52 PM
2

This all makes a great deal of sense. I honestly never understood why any women expect the man to pay. I insist on going dutch if it's a date and there aren't some kind of extenuating circumstances (ie one partner specifically offers to pay for something because they know it is out of the other's price range but they really want to go/take them). It just seems like such an antiquated notion to expect a man to pay for the date just because he's the man.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/02/20 07:15 PM
1

Your hyperbolic rehashing of my point isn't doing you any favours. Age gaps that big, regardless of gender, are red flags to me. (And I am specifically speaking about relationships, not hookups or booty calls. By all means, young women are hot, who wouldn't want to sleep with them?) I feel this way primarily because they are at SUCH different stages of life, and it is so easy for the older person to pressure the younger to conform. And if they are at the same stage of life, why? I'm less concern…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/02/20 06:32 PM
1

I mulled this question over for a while. I would feel protected by a partner I knew was physically capable, regardless of their physique. Like I said, the feelings created by the height differential aren't really logical to me. I rationally know that height is not an indicator of protective ability, nor partner fitness. I think this is one aspect of physical preference (for me at least) that simply /is/ without much rationale behind it. And, while the protective aspect is part of it, I think an …
/r/PurplePillDebate24/02/20 04:12 PM
2

Sort of curious for those who down-voted this: Why?
/r/PurplePillDebate23/02/20 09:29 PM
0

I honestly don't know. A mugging? Home invasion? It's a gut feeling, more than a logical thought. My last long term partner was the first person I was with who had the ability and inclination to actually protect me from physical threats. I would never have asked or expected him to put himself in danger to "save" me, but he would and could have. In future relationships, I doubt I would use "Ability to Physically Protect" as criteria to find a new partner (it's not actually that important to me), …
/r/PurplePillDebate23/02/20 05:46 PM
2

I am an (epi)geneticist, not an evolutionary biologist. That logic seems sound, but I have not done a literature review of this topic specifically. I do not really have the inclination to spend my Sunday doing said research, ergo: no conclusive answer at this time. I can't claim a scientific answer if I haven't done the research or the experiment.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/02/20 04:47 PM
1

I don't have a general answer, but I do have a strong preference for men taller than me. I'm 5'9" so this preference isn't always one I can achieve. On a base, instinctual level, I like feeling protected and "small" for lack of a better word. I don't feel this way about women I date. I tend to feel more protective toward female partners and therefore height isn't as much of a factor. On the flipside, I have definitely been turned down because I am too tall for some men. Even those that are signi…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/02/20 04:31 PM
2

This particular person has lots of friends in the kink community but he himself just doesn't understand it. At all. He has no interest whatsoever, which is fine, but definitely makes us incompatible. I uh...I might also be a little on the extreme side of things for most people.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/02/20 01:15 AM
0

Heh, I was wondering if I would get that question :) I'm a masochist. Since I've been aware of sex and sexual feelings, those feelings have been tied to pain. And, much like any sexual orientation, I can't really change it...I don't get physically or mentally turned on without it and without a partner who enjoys delivering it. I went to my first kink event on my 18th birthday and have been there ever since. I think that's a big part of why I like directness and communication so much. I'm used to…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/02/20 10:35 PM
5

I generally agree with parts of your post, and highlight a comment you yourself made: What men should have been asking is: What - specifically - is it that emotionally/sexually arouses women in the dating process. If women aren't giving the best possible answer for your purposes, why not ask a better question? Maybe I'm an atypical woman but I love it when men are direct and there is nothing that turns me off more than feeling like a man is trying to weasel his way into something other than what…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/02/20 08:04 PM
2

Nope, I wouldn't be disgusted. The local BDSM community is a huge part of my social life and kinks like these are pretty standard. It would, however, necessitate a bit of a talk, because I've tried to Top folks in the past and it simply isn't in my DNA, so to speak. If it was something he really needs, we might have to find someone else to fulfill those needs or reconsider the relationship if it must be from his primary partner.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/02/20 02:27 PM
1

My friends are very important to me, and their opinion matters. More specifically, their comfort matters. If the guy I'm with makes them uncomfortable in any way, that would be a huge red flag for me. However, I don't put too much stock in having what others want. I'm not opposed to having a partner that is coveted by others, but that doesn't make him more attractive to me personally. But...(big but)...my family is quite affluent, and men of a certain status will absolutely get along better with…
/r/PurplePillDebate21/02/20 03:30 AM
2

Oh yeah...if my choices are sex with you or losing the argument, then by all means I cede the argument. I lose either way, but this is a lot less hassle.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/02/20 11:46 PM
1

sigh. When the topic is my sexuality, I am a pretty great primary source.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/02/20 11:38 PM
1

Does sex for you include drawing blood and bruises from your partner? If not...there's no benefit to me because I'm not physically capable of being turned on without it. Is...is that all it would take for you to want to have sex with an unknown person? I'm here, and I have a vagina?
/r/PurplePillDebate19/02/20 11:18 PM
3

I don't know about other women...but I do? If I want sex from someone, I ask them for it? Sex is awesome, but I have some pretty specific physical needs in order to enjoy it so the list of people I want to approach is pretty small...but boy-howdy do I ask when I find a compatible human :P ETA: And as others have pointed out, sex is generally higher risk for women RE: STDs and pregnancies so there's generally a higher bar to make that risk worthwhile for women. Ergo men probably find situations/p…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/02/20 10:39 PM
2

I have...many many examples but I think they can be summed up with a little generalizing: his life story was the same repeating cycle over and over again. He made big, big mistakes in his past and, instead of learning from them, he blamed other people for what happened and continued the same behaviours that put him in difficult places. At first, I believed him, but over the years I watched it happening in huge, half-decade cycles of consistent behaviour patterns. He had issues with anger. He was…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/02/20 06:19 PM
4

I would be equally concerned about an older woman with a younger man. The OP asked about older man/younger woman so that's how I phrased my answer, but the issue is the age gap, not the gender of the older party. I also haven't personally known anyone in an older woman/younger man relationship so I have no personal experience to lean on. I have ample personal experience with older men/younger women in my personal life and in the lives of my friends and acquaintances. Why are there so many commen…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/02/20 03:29 AM
3

I don't regret my relationship. I learned a lot of valuable lessons and had a lot of good times. And a lot of bad ones. That's life, and regret does me little good moving forward. I don't really consider sex with a lot of random, hot 20 year olds to be a desirable experience so...no? As I said in my original comment: not every age gap relationship is terrible. It's simply a factor to consider when looking at potential partners. I've seen younger partners (men and women) specifically found and ma…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/02/20 02:11 AM
1

This is true. My experiences are more in the grey area and I cannot be unbiased in explaining them. I try to be objective but I've got feelings, and strong ones. I have, however, known quite a few other couples with similar age gaps (all of which were 5+ years and are now over) and saw the manipulative scenario played out again and again. It's not everyone...it's not every couple. It has, however, been significantly over-represented in age-gap relationships versus age-matched relationships in my…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/02/20 01:58 AM
4

I...am not certain that any of that is founded. But regardless, it's not a matter of molding, it's a matter of learning and growing as a human being. Making mistakes and using them to better yourself, rather than making the same ones over, and over again. And, as u/pample_meese said, there is a difference between trying to change someone once you are together and having a history of finding young, inexperienced partners (that I did not know about at the time) with the express purpose of using th…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/02/20 01:52 AM
3

Thank you for sharing your experiences! I'm happy to hear you've found someone you fit with so well, regardless of the details :)
/r/PurplePillDebate19/02/20 01:46 AM
78

^^^This. I have seen many cases of large age gaps (older guy, younger girl by >8 years) where the guy was specifically looking for less mature women who did not yet know what they want such that the man could impose his preferences and habits on the woman and mold her into his perfect partner. I am not saying that every large age gap relationship is like this....but many, many are repetitions of the same, alarming theme. I just turned 30 and I doubt I am going to be in the group of women OP desc…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/02/20 09:54 PM
2

This! I saw this after I made my own, separate comment, but I heartily second this sentiment.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/02/20 07:17 PM
1

In general, I don't often want to orgasm and I masturbate probably once a month. This general lack of interest in orgasm or sexual fulfillment is also true if I have a partner with whom I am not sexually compatible (as has been my unfortunate past experience. He wasn't willing to modify his ideal sexual routine to make sure I was satisfied as my needs changed over time). If, however, I have a partner who is able to regularly turn me on and we have great sex, I often have difficulty thinking abou…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/02/20 07:14 PM
1

It is important to me that my partner is self-sustaining. That he has lived a life and made choices that resulted in a reasonably stable situation with income that allows him to live in a way he enjoys. Other that that....extra money is a bonus, I suppose? But it isn't more important to me than basic chemistry, being treated well etc. In my experience, my male partners have been WAAAY more concerned with their income than I ever was.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/02/20 01:07 PM
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