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View 1 post and 83 comments by conceptcreature3D on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
49

Dealing with the Ex / STBXconceptcreature3D/r/Divorce_Men05/07/26 08:51 PM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
0

Sorry to hear that. Definitely therapy by yourself, to start. We mostly do therapy for those in our lives that won’t. A million red flags on her financial dishonesty from the start, and if she’s borrowing from her 401(k) with that income, this will be her downfall. There’s a chronic disorder of hers that seems to manifest in rabid spending—do you have any idea in what? Vacations? Infidelity? Just a house way too big for two people to live in? Shoes? Clothing? Eating out too much? It’s not adding…
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/26 03:20 AM
3

You can, but I’d prefer to mention it after you know she’s happy with your performance. I’d probably frame it as, “I’ve been previously married to the same person for a while, so I haven’t had an opportunity to dial in on someone else’s body for a long time.” That way, they know you had a routine prior. I know when I finally hooked up with someone that wasn’t my ex, she had been with a crappy fiancé for several years prior too. We had been talking for several months together, were both in top sh…
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/26 02:43 PM
4

DO NOT give her full custody!! Fight like hell for equal custody!! Be prepared for some devastating news about where that loan & other finances have gone. Try to get that separated as much as possible immediately.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/26 01:13 AM
2

There’s a phrase I heard about political debates that makes the most sense here: when you argue with an idiot, you become an idiot, too.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/26 03:06 PM
6

It is like mental jiu jitsu: they just end up hurting themselves & you walk away unscathed
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/26 05:45 AM
5

That’s shitty that she’s: 1. Not sticking to structure 2. Not communicating and 3. Weaponizing her anger against the kids. My kid is at the age that she’s starting to realize her mom doesn’t act like a mature adult a lot of times.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/26 05:44 AM
6

Precisely what I was thinking. OP, purge or edit that statement from this post if you have no proof beyond vocal of purchase
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/26 06:54 PM
1

Gotta agree—there’s someone else in the picture that is waiting for this separation to change to a divorce. It hurt like hell to tell my kid that her mother & I were getting a divorce, but I also told her I wasn’t leaving HER—just because her mother & I wouldn’t be married, I wasn’t disappearing from her life. I already had a rental lined up and moved out within the day. It was weird & scary at first, but the priority of getting the house set up to excite my daughter & get her accustomed to this…
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/26 07:36 AM
7

Well congrats on getting protection with your own lawyer. Seen so many guys pinch pennies on not getting a lawyer—only to have that divorce cost them way more, in the long run.
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/26 08:32 PM
2

I think it’s actually more bipolar than ADHD, IMO,
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/26 12:35 AM
4

He keeps saying those words. I don’t think they means what he thinks they do.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/26 12:25 AM
10

It doesn’t burn as bad as your peepee would if you hooked up with her and her poly friends! They’re all sharing STDs on a freaky level if they’re not living in their van & not showering for weeks on end.
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/26 12:31 PM
3

Just keep strong knowing you’re doing the right thing. I’ve seen many dads have petty lying exes, & the actions of the fathers speak volumes compared to the words of the moms. If the dad keeps showing up to rehearsals & games, then the lies, “dad doesn’t love the kids” is proven false & the kids realize it faster than if you were spreading lies or screaming back
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/26 12:33 AM
18

Congratulations for avoiding future hell with her! I too need to go to a sports game where my ex is, but nobody is obligating us to hang out together—so we don’t. The kid sees & talks to us both, but there’s no need for you to be nearby when you hate her. The kids will understand & still love you
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/26 12:21 PM
3

I love that accountability aspect you’re taking. You’re right, none of us were perfect, & there’s plenty of faults from both sides. And understanding that is probably the healthiest first thing you can do. But at the end of the day, it could just be that you two of you weren’t compatible—it could be that easy.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/26 01:10 PM
1

The home would’ve been way more broken if you lived that denial with her in front of your kids.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/26 01:03 PM
4

We can’t control every situation, but we can control our RESPONSE to these situations.
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/26 06:23 PM
10

Honestly you handled that situation perfectly! Well done!
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/26 06:21 PM
3

Hang on why did she want your phone so bad? And why were you that concerned about her having it?? My wife would have to comb through a ton of texts before she found something SLIGHTLY offensive honestly!
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/26 03:41 AM
6

Well I mean are there really men wanting to travel abroad that owe that much back pay? Maybe Elon Musk?
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/26 11:44 AM
3

Yelling for years til she disconnects. Then finally (too late) having a 12 hour calm conversation followed by you…violently punching a photo. #1 thing you need to do is anger management, buddy. I can only imagine the skeletons in your closet that make you react that way.
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/26 08:41 AM
3

I mean, you’re a construction worker—isn’t that a cliche built into the job?
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/26 07:24 AM
3

Can’t rekindle what was never really there to start
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/26 04:22 AM
3

You know, I thought I could be friendly (not friends!) eventually with my ex, but I’m reminded monthly how much of a cunt she is & how there’s a reason I’m no longer with her. So we communicate via text when we need to, & we’re pleasant in front of the daughter, but otherwise I don’t communicate with her at all
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/26 05:47 AM
0

Wow, so even though the gf & I went to A THERAPIST first, were dating seriously for MONTHS & were clearly getting along amazingly, that’s what you focused on? Not all the due diligence & thought that went on prior? Gimme a break!
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/26 02:32 PM
3

It’s the worst when there’s debt attached to it all, but it sounds like you need to stop the bleeding sooner than later. I’m glad you’re displaying accountability to her—and to yourself! So take the first step. She’s definitely an addict & it sounds like you’ve been her enabler for a while now
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/26 04:50 AM
1

I had a similar thing come up with my ex. I had been physically separated for six months & emotionally separated for a year prior. I had been lucky, where I found someone pretty quickly after breaking up. I wasn’t expecting it to work out, was more interested in a fun hookup post-marriage. Turns out I got super lucky—this woman turned out to be amazing in every way & it was a downright miracle that things worked out like they did. Needless to say, ex didn’t appreciate that when she found out 8 m…
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/26 03:03 PM
1

Most succinct response ever
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/26 03:11 AM
1

Ugh, you’ve got the moody teens with attitudes AND a bossy ex-wife’s bf. That’s a perfect storm of bs from all parties. Might as well be a mushroom at that point!
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/26 09:42 AM
6

Until the head & heart are right, everything else will let you know it’s stressed. Just get around communities that have a lot of people that you can connect with: different clubs, gym groups, volunteering, church. You need to feel a connection & feel engaged with a community that lets your body relax & feel safe—especially since you feel betrayed in trusting & loving, right now.
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/26 01:12 PM
2

That almost precisely happened to me—only it was a late flight return. Weather, circumstances, etc. She had approved the trip in the first place. Let the mom know we would be four hours late to arrive due to circumstances out of our control. She threatened to have cops be there. I told her good luck with that. It was a control move on her part. I called her bluff
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/26 11:31 PM
2

Second this—civil, not criminal case. Sheriffs have real concerns & some bitter mom getting pissy over you keeping your kid safe isn’t going to be a major priority in their lives. I’ve had tiny benign bs allegations like this as well, & I always wish the ex luck in whatever she thinks she’s going to do. So far no punitive actions officially happened & I can only imagine that’s bc a sheriff or lawyer has laughed her out of their office.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/26 11:08 PM
1

And it sounds like the standard tax liabilities are in your name anyways so just make a clean break!
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/26 07:08 AM
5

Yeah it sounded like she was fabricating lies to justify her affair. On paper it sounded like you were doing everything right & it sounds like you took corrective steps, as any sane human would finding out the love of their life did this. I, too, found an amazing second wife after the first marriage dissolved. And I, too, couldn’t be happier with the upgrade!
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/26 02:34 AM
4

Well sounds like it’s at least meeting up to see if the connection is still true! Good news is that one of you can transfer pretty easily to either location—schools are always looking for good teachers!
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/26 08:50 PM
2

She emotionally checked out sooner than you realized. In your head it feels like a few weeks, in her mind it’s been a year of her thinking of a life without you. Also: it’s never just $2k. That $2k will metastasize in complications that balloon that into $10k and the judge will barely bat an eyelash at it. Let your lawyer break up assets as deemed fit by your state & go build a new & better life without her. No kids makes it easy to do so. You’ll be better off, I promise!
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/26 02:57 PM
11

If you have any needs that were addressed by you but not confirmed by her, the phrase that will be used is Narcissist. I can vouch that my ex and I were both equally horrible to each other at times, thanks to our own personal demons, & that it was only a matter of time before we divorced. That has not stopped her from blaming me for all of the problems in her life. At some point she’ll run out of excuses & only have herself to blame for her own problems that she’s causing for herself, nowadays.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/26 01:30 PM
4

Wouldn’t be the first nor last time that birth control has had horrific side effects on the female population that the companies downplayed or covered up.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/26 06:25 PM
16

It’s funny bc menopause gives them more testosterone & less estrogen & in their mind they’re just tired of our shit vs their tolerance levels drastically changing & them not quite understanding that & blaming us
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/26 04:56 PM
9

Woman: I’m pregnant & it’s yours. V-Guy: Uh nope that’s where you’re wrong
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/25 02:09 PM
3

Oh so easy response: you’d only be gay if you were in the NAVY! 😝
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/25 05:37 PM
2

Oh damn I had a friend who was always accused of being gay by other dudes right up to the point that he’d bang their gf. So I suggest you prove to every woman that says that about how wrong she is & make them wonder why this woman wanted to walk away from such primo sex
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/25 03:56 PM
4

Second this. Nothing worse than being in an airport having to suddenly deal with some legal bullshit they pull on you. Come back & send pics of your adventures then
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/25 01:39 PM
3

I mean, people are going to be who they are. If you’re a miserable person prior, you’ll probably be pretty miserable after! And in your case, you seem like a pretty happy person, so you’ve done what you need to do to keep the peace in the family & lo & behold you’re happy bc your kids are still around AND you get some time to yourself to find someone wonderful to spend your life with!
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/25 01:34 PM
4

Yeah I don’t know WTF you’re doing talking to your ex about this stuff!! I guess if she’s introduced to your kids that may be why, but still sounds like you’re oversharing! You definitely need to grey zone that ex.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/25 01:32 PM
5

If you’re not looking for a LTR, why not just use Tinder?
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/25 01:35 PM
11

Your children would have been fine either way, but it sounds like you have a whole new life you get to experience outside of all of this, which is truly exciting for you! I admire your clarity & discipline, but I think you’re going to realize that you should have done this way sooner, too. I’m looking forward to seeing what your new future brings & please remember we’re a great supportive group to talk to as this progresses.
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/25 04:30 PM
5

You’ve already spent more time and energy trying to figure them out than I ever did. I don’t know what you gained from putting yourself through that, especially since the wound hasn’t healed yet
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/25 09:13 PM
1

Yeah their bread & butter is controversy & ego feeding. The subtle, consistent manipulation is like the new digital Stockholm Syndrome
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/25 06:39 PM
1

Yep, second the school. Stability with their friends & school will help them.
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/25 02:53 PM
11

Yeah I needed a proper dude perspective on it all. Already had plenty of miserable women in my life hating on me prior to divorce lol
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/25 01:53 PM
5

I mean, separation is how one decides whether you need to move on. I know many that have used it as an excuse to hook up—since they’re “technically no longer together.” Regardless on the legal parameters, sounds like she’s moving on & you know it.
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/25 04:01 PM
5

Unfortunately I think this is a bit of denial on your end. I lived separated for a year before I moved out when my daughter was 7. I couldn’t move on or evolve until I was out of the house. We sat our child down & told her that her mother & I weren’t in love with each other any more, but that neither one of us were going anywhere. We would both be in her lives & that she’ll be loved as much as always. Your child is much younger, so they will adjust much faster than you think they will. And even …
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/25 03:51 PM
5

I remember the shame, rage & sadness I felt as well. This sub helped me and I’m here to help others too. You’re not alone on this journey, my man!
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/25 02:55 PM
9

Hang out with stable couples that have kids that are friends with your kids. Outside influences are going to always affect how others think & see. Also just straight up address that behavior change—why do you always come back from hanging out with your single friends & seem angry at me? Do you feel that this isn’t a life that’s fulfilling to you in the manner that you needed it to be?
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/25 09:04 PM
6

That’s great! My wife & I both had previous rings (mine wedding; hers engagement). We ended up trading them in for our bands when we were planning our wedding! Felt nice to convert bad emotional investments in for the best marriage that we both finally got!
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/25 01:18 AM
1

Your youngest/her oldest both seem pretty strong willed. That’s a lot of personalities to try to make work. Big red flag on her wanting more when she’s got two already and you’ve got three. I’d probably really have a hard conversation about why she’s not happy with all the kids you have blended together and wants more. Sounds like it’ll be more complicated & demanding before it’s less complicated.
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/25 11:22 PM
1

Check out “The Five Stages Of Grief.” Our human brains do so much to protect us from harm it’ll even try to distort reality. Sadly sometimes it’s us or the ex that’s had the previous trauma that they need to escape. But either way, it happens!
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/25 01:25 PM
6

And therapy. Divorce is such a traumatic thing, it’ll really mess with you in ways you can’t imagine.
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/25 12:38 PM
8

Yeah it takes time. Sorry for the professional pressure too! Sounds like life is pushing you towards a complete 180 in your life in all aspects. Change sucks. It hurts, it’s painful and…eventually it’ll subside. You’ll figure out how to enjoy yourself again & appreciate the time to yourself, too. And one day you’ll be SO much happier & realize it’s because you’ve put the effort into moving on. You can’t see nor feel it now—but you will.
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/25 03:43 AM
2

Yep plenty of trauma from previous divorce & concerns for the trauma that could occur with a new relationship so quickly. It’s super hard to raise a family solo, so I’m sure this woman was thrilled to have someone great & reliable in her life that made all of her family feel cared for the way she wished someone to do. But you definitely need to work on yourself first to be the best future SO to her or anyone else. You have trust & trauma issues to tackle first before springboarding into a new re…
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/25 03:34 PM
5

Kids don’t make problems go away—they make everything worse. It’s doesn’t fix problems you have in your marriage, it’s amplifies them. All this issues only get more amplified with child custody during divorce. I’d suggest maybe doing a trial separation first. Move out of the house, see if there’s attraction you have to anybody else. This may be an early loss of testosterone (which you can get tested for) but fundamentally it sounds like your wife got huge & it’s not attractive to you. Type 2 Dia…
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/25 12:57 PM
0

I love this advice!! PIP goal-oriented probation. Show good progress, work ethic & intention & this can be a course correction. No change in behavior or improvement towards goals—sorry, this isn’t gonna work out
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/25 04:03 AM
3

No doubt this is horrible but I’ve seen way too many people try to disbar lawyers & I don’t think it’s ever worked—even with cases way worse than yours if you can believe it
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/25 12:47 AM
1

Maybe even mildly address it in the recording—“why are you recording this? We’re just feeding the baby.” That way it’s not such a “gotcha” moment that can be misconstrued later. I can’t imagine any lawyer or legal aid that wants to listen to hours of normal boring parenting conversation—even if they wanted to distort dynamics in the marriage. They’d benefit more allowing a jury to distort testimony more in their head & sympathize with a crying mom on the witness stand
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/25 06:56 AM
3

My personal answers: 1. It ebbs & flows on parallel vs coparenting. Time will hopefully make that smoother. 2. Scripts that work: use her own documents against her—per legal documents, Is this a required expense right now? She’ll say “never mind I’ll just get it”—until it’s the 50th time she’s had to “just pay” for something. It’s a control thing & you’ll have hundreds of control scenarios like this come up. Let her pay for a few unnecessary things without your financial help & she’ll probably p…
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/25 01:58 AM
1

Therapy therapy therapy. There’s a ton of different processes you can use nowadays to disconnect your trauma from the event. You may even need hypnotherapy. EMDR is an amazing tool that’s surprisingly simple but highly effective. You’ve gone way longer than the standard phase for normal trauma recovery so you definitely need to seek out professional
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/25 02:17 PM
2

I know an ex that does this all the time. He needs to feel in control even though he cheated on his wife & both are remarried. It comes down to control—it really does.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/25 01:42 AM
4

I divorced knowing I deserved better for myself and wasn’t getting it from her. Before I even left her I started the self improvement, knowing a new year was gonna be a new start for me . It took me less than a month out of the house for a hot mutual acquaintance to wanna get to know me better & it became way deeper than a post divorce hookup surprisingly quick! Within a few months, I was like, “This couldn’t possibly be this easy! I’m falling in love with a hot professional woman that I serious…
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/25 03:42 AM
1

My ex wanted to stay in our house & had to refinance a loan under current market value & only her name. There wasn’t a huge amount of equity currently in the house ($75k) but she requested I settle for less of an equity payout so she could have a more manageable monthly payment. That seemed reasonable to me & that was still a decent nest egg to gain interest on while I rented for a year & took my time getting the divorce settled & looking for another property.
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/25 02:04 PM
2

Completely agree with this. She’s walking around with a giant chip on her shoulder. She’ll only get the attention/confrontation that she wants if you engage. She might even call the cops, claiming that “she was only cleaning” when you hostilely confronted her & scared her for her life.
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/25 06:21 PM
4

She can’t say those phrases without consequences. You’re doing everything you can & you’re pushing towards a goal. I can guarantee you it’ll be something else that pisses her off if she gets all her wishes. You can’t be that inflexible with life. She needs to understand that she’s driven you to this point. The fact that she’s freaking out & acting horribly at work isn’t a YOU thing—you just gave her what she kept saying she wanted. How did she THINK the would make her feel? She now has to deal w…
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/25 12:36 AM
8

This sounds like a chemical thing & not a personality thing. Menopause is a strange beast with women. I’m on my second marriage, the wife is a saint, but she’s in the menopause stage & it’s truly so different with her. She’s still capable of sex, but rarely initiated by her & holy shit the smallest things set her off in a way that never used to be the case. We’re 8 years into our relationship (3 years married) & this year has been more challenging than ever when it comes to our dynamics together…
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/25 02:41 PM
4

It really is about the right person. I think it’s fair to have made bad decisions with the optimism and naivety that we had with our first marriage. I can’t imagine being with anyone else & I’m on my second marriage to the most amazing woman
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/25 12:25 AM
13

I’d probably immediately transfer or withdraw the other half to an account she can’t touch—she may have second thoughts & feel she’s owed it all & she’s obviously has access to do so. Any direct deposits need to be diverted to a different account, too.
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/25 09:47 PM
2

Doing that isn’t easy. It finally got to that point. Get 50/50 custody, split up the assets in a way that makes sense, carry on. It gets better with time.
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/25 12:45 PM
1

Had to keep the house in the same school zone for consistency for the kid. With the real estate & interest rate insanity, it’s been a constant that’s ended up being appreciated, over time. Definitely did all I could to make it my own & leave the other life behind
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/25 06:24 PM
1

This isn’t your wife talking any more—this is Addiction. Addiction will lie, cheat & steal any way possible to stick around. It has your wife “possessed” & I’ve seen some of the sweetest people turn into the worst creatures under whatever influence they used. You need to get police out there next time it happens. You need way more official documentation than just your recordings. You need to get your wife out of their possession if you can & you need to get control of the retirement account—beca…
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/25 05:12 PM
3

I had a wife like this too—she came from an abusive family with an alcoholic father. I worked for a big company that had layoffs after a merger. I had a great professional support group that helped get me hooked up with a new job within two months, but it didn’t matter—the ex saw me as a loose cannon, like her father, that clearly she couldn’t rely on & insults would perpetually happen about “if I were a real man” & other bullshit like that. After years of that, I finally called it off & moved o…
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/25 04:52 PM
3

You hit the nail on the head—women in the age range you’ve consistently dated know precisely what they want & appreciate your candor. Under that age range is just emotionally immature & not much you can relate to. And I’ve experienced that empty feeling from the complete hookup. It’s hard to go back to that after you’ve had something way better with a familiarity & trust that comes from a real emotional connection. Congrats on getting back out there! I felt at my sexual & physical peak in my ear…
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/25 08:52 PM
3

Wow sounds like you get out of a toxic relationship sooner than later! Congratulations!
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/25 02:23 PM
4

A good divorce is both parties feeling like they both got screwed a little & the other one got a better deal. Remember that for the future
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/25 08:00 PM
1

100%. You can uninvite her when she “shows up.” She’s an adult—get an Uber or make a phone call. Boundaries boundaries boundaries!
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/25 04:16 PM
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