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confused_desklamp Archive

View 2 posts and 70 comments by confused_desklamp on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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2

Ah yes I meant to clarify blessing, my bad!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/11/20 02:27 PM
1

Flip side of the coin: it can be a metric of guy quality, right? like if you're not willing to talk to my parents about your plans for me, why? if my parents don't just give you the easy pass (they won't, they love me fiercely), that's a full stop for me. if you didn't ask my mom what type of ring I'd want and when you wanted to do it, or to gladly take initiative to check with the people in my life you clearly don't really care about the people intimately in my life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/11/20 05:19 AM
115

When you have to fake "interests," and your face, is it really "shallow" for the women to be interested in that fake profile? It sounds like they're just looking for a bevy of things he can't offer and can't bother to level up to, so "shame on woman for having standards!" this is gross and why i dont OLD.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/11/20 09:35 PM
15

I still say I'm single! Legally, I am. having a BF doesn't change much for me except that I'm not going to go on dates with other men (which.. let's face it.. isn't often worth it anyways)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/10/20 02:52 PM
59

I used to work at a plastic surgery office and this was how one of the male surgeons explained the appeal for other female doctors to get into gynecology. He himself didn't do any vaginal procedures but did butt lifts/etc, and there was no sexual motive or interest at all, but 90% of his patients were male. Female health is really under-studied and what is known tends to not be common knowledge. PCOS and endometriosis were really underdiagnosed even 10 years ago, I feel. For doctors looking to l…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/20 08:22 PM
8

Wasn't there a study though that showed that with age, sperm becomes less healthy and can lead to birth defects? Don't believe the next guy who tells you he'll be repopulating the earth well into his old age..... it's a scam! they hit a reproductive wall.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/20 01:25 PM
3

that's what FDS is for! vetting your dates to find partner-material who will be a 50/50 partner. providing care can be shown early and often in the dating process through flowers, nice meals, intentional together time that is effortful and well-thought out, and respecting boundaries are the green flags and metrics FDS commonly uses to find partners who care. I kind of debate how much care this guy actually does since cooking fried chicken seems to be on par with getting pearl earrings in this ch…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/09/20 04:34 PM
6

hell i watched jenna marbles make a corn-coated corn dog yesterday and she and julian tried like a handful of different methods before they got it down to a happy end result.... it isnt that hard to fry things? how did he formerly cook his chicken, boiled in salt water?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/09/20 04:27 PM
63

Literally this makes me so mad! He's like "wow I gave her sO mUcH mOrE tImE than last time and she still did not want the sex with me?!" like dude if you romanced it up at ALL and didn't look at her body like a timer needed to go off before you could jump on her and maybe sought after her with some affection she'd be interested in you. Guaranteed she leaves him because he's this whiny and complainy guy who probably hasn't had that many FWBs but just some hookups.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/09/20 03:19 PM
14

Literally i dont know any female friend my age who even has platonic guy friends long enough to be considered "like a brother" before the guys reveal themselves to be trash or looking to hook up. if someone is quality enough for me to see him as a friend he's a HVM and imma scoop that up.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/09/20 07:03 PM
5

my ex had a genuine work colleague who decided she wanted to grow her IG account... so she got really into boudoir. It became a big problem for me and he was like "she was a good friend when I was at that job, and I don't want to not be her friend because she and I are just platonic but I see it hurts your feelings so ???" and he was so unsure of what to do like dude shes not an IG thot that posts pics under the guise of "me and my friends hanging by the pool! our bodies are also amazing!" like …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/09/20 01:42 PM
74

the "howdy" plus misspelled "y'all" makes me think this is some bumpkin out in the rural parts of like texas trying to hit up recent college grads who he thinks he might be smarter than but in reality he can't even spell a very simple, common contraction slang word
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/08/20 12:10 PM
22

this comment was a trip down memory lane. i'm sorry he did that to you--good on you for getting up and getting out. but i don't think its a bad thing to still appreciate some romantic gestures. i know they can often be used as a manipulation tactic, especially when grand and public.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/08/20 08:28 PM
1

flip side of this, I think some of it is also, like i mentioned earlier, the expected narrative. The "wow she got fat, time to leave her bc i don't find her attractive," but like..... also her comment about "through thicc and thin," makes me think she wasn't unattractive at all? idk it's so weird to me. It does rub me the wrong way but I don't know if it's just largely due to the fact that it's not at all the "she's no longer 'conventionally' 'attractive' therefore she has no value to me" story …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/07/20 07:03 PM
154

Idk how to feel about this because you're right, he's still putting her into a "does she satisfy me visually" box," but also, I want my spouse to find me attractive, and this is a really nice change in the narrative that happens on this website. i mean i just got out of a relationship where he rarely commented on my appearance despite all of my efforts and it'd be nice to know that i'm found attractive.... but maybe subconsciously I also put effort in to get the attention of men? idk
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/07/20 02:56 PM
52

My ex was super patient with my boundaries (from an earlier, abusive ex) regarding physical intimacy (no sex was had in either relationship) but he was incredibly patient and giving when we were intimate. There was one night he went down FOUR TIMES and asked for/expected nothing in return............. he kept offering to go again but i was starting to feel badly about it and also was getting very sensitive lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/07/20 05:44 PM
16

i'm tired of seeing beautiful radiant women with cockroach looking men whats up with this
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/07/20 09:37 PM
3

This is what I'm saying! picnic dates can be very intentional, require effort, and intimate without being crazy. then again i really just wanna be able to go outside and talk to someone which i can do without having to go out with a dude.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/07/20 09:30 PM
21

There's a flair guide. I also got hit with the pickmeisha flair a while back after a miscommunication when i made comments about not wanting to publicly trash a partner on social media and not thinking that behavior was HV for me as a woman. Obviously wasnt intending to defend the guy at all, but I guess that's how it was perceived. Thankfully, the flairs on reddit don't define how I need to act in relationships and I'm still able to participate in the sub to learn from others and discuss.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/07/20 09:27 PM
7

ew if i ever go into housewife mode u bet its gonna be because i'm cosplaying a stepford wife but even the chances of that are slim
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/07/20 09:22 PM
14

First dates should be showing intentionality. I truly think it depends on how well you know her prior to the date. A nice dinner does not HAVE to be expensive, and I know I used to feel like a guy expected something if he spent a lot of money on the first date and got uncomfortable when I had to quickly bring up "I'm waiting for marriage," etc because I did not want them to think expensive dinner = me putting out. If you know her well enough, plan an intentional date doing things she enjoys. If …
/r/askFDS13/07/20 06:49 PM
14

For me, the difference comes down to flirting. Not PUA flirting tactics, but the basis of flirting which is: making someone feel good and special. Creepy guys will earn a label for trying to do this to soon, or by focusing on intimate aspects that they should not. Most women can see through PUA and know when they are being fed lines. From my personal past experience, just kind, genuine compliments that are a little more personal than I would expect are a good way to catch my attention and creati…
/r/askFDS09/07/20 09:28 PM
15

Idk, I've heard some HVM say it and genuinely know that when they've done something to make their woman happy/proud that they know their life will be better for it. and that usually what she thinks is right/best probably... is. depends on the context and the quality of the guy saying it for me!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/07/20 02:54 PM
11

lol at "make a suggestion?" and he didn't get back to you until a whole day later! great job implementing this. It's nice to see it done assertively without giving them any room to say you're being rude!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/07/20 01:13 PM
3

did he get this confused with like care.com
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/07/20 12:58 PM
31

once wore a bikini bottom from my mom's closet (late 80s probably) in 2014 and the facebook comments from boys i didnt even know about my (covered in a high waisted, neon bottom that wasnt remotely cheeky as i was a child) ass mortified me. i don't wear bathing suits in front of guys i know who aren't my family anymore. heck, last year one of my good guy friends joined me at my apartment pool while we did schoolwork and i was standing in the pool behind a fountain feature reading to get color on…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/07/20 12:56 PM
3

Keep asking these questions in a relationship, too!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/07/20 02:33 PM
3

Perspective shift: rather than questioning a guy pushing boundaries, seek out and wait for a guy who will enthusiastically respect and help you stick to your boundaries. One of mine is sex before marriage which is a HUGE tell as to if they care about me. My ex would actively say "Hey, this seems like it's getting a little hot and heavy, and I don't want us in a situation where we're about to have sex since you want to wait." and change the situation. THAT was so much nicer than the LVM/NVM befor…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/20 10:31 PM
3

Isn't there already r/FemaleLevelUpStrategy?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/20 10:25 PM
20

I hate this because who of us "depend" on someone else to pay for food? I expect it, sure, but I could just as easily--and probably more happily--eat a meal out by myself or with friends!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/20 10:21 PM
42

I wouldn't say that her response is curt, she's just honest. Look at her first message, she wasn't exactly engaging him or giving any signal of "wow it's good to hear from you let's talk!" I think she's just more forward thank most of us might be comfy, no? I don't want to call her curt, though.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/20 03:44 PM
2

As I've grown older and gone to therapy I recognize part of why I used to seek validation from men I valued was because of my relationship with him. It's not something I can entirely control or change, but there was an indicting Fathers Day sermon at church in which the pastor basically came out and said "If you're spending so much time prioritizing work trying to 'provide' for your family that you're missing out, you're doing fatherhood wrong." and I think he realizes he needs to make some chan…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/20 03:16 PM
4

To counter: I've lived with my dad for most of my life. I don't really know him, though! Or anything about his childhood. Sharing physical space does not always equate to sharing emotional space.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/20 03:01 PM
1

Thank you for this!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/20 02:36 PM
3

I don't understand why any woman seeking to be married would move in prior to marriage. Living with anyone is a crazy adjustment, and I'd hate to introduce that level of intimacy (same with sex) without a lifelong commitment. Plus, it makes leaving SO much harder... My ex's brother has a forever girlfriend and I think in talking through my plight and disappointment to learn of my ex's LV traits compared to what I believe my worth is, she's recognizing that she might also deserve, as I put it "to…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/20 02:27 PM
3

I appreciate the guide--I've been participating for months as a Newbie with generally positive comments, with maybe ONE questionable comment about not wanting to blast someone on social media because I didn't think of it as HVW trait. I know my identity beyond whatever the mods decide to label me as and it doesn't so much bother me as just confused me when I saw the flair after commenting.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/20 02:24 PM
20

the long sleeves in the spring/summer is for sure to hide track marks
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/20 05:58 PM
26

wait why do i have a pickmeisha flair?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/20 05:50 PM
37

My ex and I had a conversation where I mentioned that I did not want to be hanging around for 2 years without a ring in the picture and his response was "that's kinda elitist to say," and talked about how he had friends who were together for years prior to getting married and that he wouldn't want to rush into a bad choice since he'd be marrying for life and didn't believe in divorce (i don't either, exceptions being for cheating/abuse). I knew then that, 8 months into dating, I wasn't his dream…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/20 05:49 PM
40

I think this is acceptable in a committed relationship when you both are short on time and just want to see each other. I wouldn't call it a date though, this is just spending time bc its 0 effort on both sides.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/06/20 04:02 PM
22

dang i was hopeful there for a second that she was very aware he was not a contributor and wouldn't reneg her callout.....
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/06/20 07:50 PM
2

Oh I'm not saying I wouldn't talk about it with anyone period--I simply wouldn't share it on a platform of people like Facebook, where this girl (and I) have 1200+ "friends" and likely are not close with everyone who will see her "laugh" about it. I have no problem with families shaming and praising for behaviors--family SHOULD be the one to say "hey that's awesome!" or "you should maybe try to grow and be better." That one girl you went to high school with before she transferred out and knew li…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/06/20 10:48 PM
4

Eh, I don't think its an appropriate way to address problems. I use social media rarely, and my boyfriend of several months and I have only publicly posted about each other once just because we want to keep our relationship private. I would NEVER think this is a respectful way of addressing his problems and to me, I think respecting my man enough to address these things with him in private or leave him if he cannot change is part of the HVW mindset--kind to others, encouraging, uplifting, and in…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/06/20 02:44 PM
13

side note: i have no idea how to properly share this video, seem to be in an endless loop... can I link the FB source's video? edit: nvm it worked out it just had to be processed lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/06/20 10:24 PM
6

Is this guy part of that 22 convention?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/06/20 06:33 PM
89

Does... does this actually work for anyone? Like, are there really women out there who are looking for casual sex and this works for them?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/06/20 05:03 PM
77

I never wait longer than 10 minutes in my current city without a heads up of "traffic was bad, I will be maybe 15 minutes, but I am on my way." and in my last city I wouldn't wait beyond 20 minutes. and I NEVER would wait around for someone who is asking to change the time after I've started getting ready (within 2 hours of the date).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/05/20 04:41 PM
29

My guess would be that the insecurity plays into what they have for traditional expectations.. how can you be the man of the house and have authority over your family if your wife is better educated, more attractive, more successful professionally? So long as you're higher value than he is, he might feel threatened and that will result in a lack of desire to commit.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/05/20 10:57 PM
9

My current bf wasn't a huge guy in the kitchen (outside of breakfast) until he realized it was important to me. He saw how well I was eating and wanted to join, and i told him he had to contribute to a meal if he wanted to eat it. Now? we've both learned to cook new things and he's gotten great at fish, a few veggies (some of which were new to us both), and all sorts of dishes. I was very cautious in sharing that load with him and "teaching" him, but he enjoys it and always does all of the dishe…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/05/20 09:15 PM
1

I never thought about countries with the "absolute equality" gender standards working out that way in dating, too, but it makes absolute sense.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/20 07:08 PM
6

Don't ever offer to split the bill, especially at a cheap restaurant. I usually don't leave the house with more than a $5 in cash when I head out to a date. I can pay for an uber if I need to and $5 is enough for emergency gas, tampons, public transit, etc.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/20 02:08 PM
64

I read this and apparently SHE paid for the sheets.....
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/20 01:58 AM
7

cleaning and changing diapers aren't feminine skills?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/04/20 04:28 PM
4

Porn is absolutely a huge issue. Especially since you're saying you use it given that you're not hooking up with other people. An interest in porn is an interest in a picky choice and entitled viewpoint on sexual intercourse. It is, as an industry, ALWAYS degrading and devaluing to women. Anal is also typically something done or sought after to dominate women and their bodies. Watching porn for whatever isn't good. Watching porn to see sex that you are "missing out on" in a monogamous relationsh…
/r/askFDS26/04/20 02:05 AM
6

I actually read some longer thread about it and it's because it lets men feel like the off-limit coworker, the off-limit best friend, the off-limit sister of your buddy could maybe plausibly be someone they could be with if that guy's brother and sister get it on. Idk. It's dumb, but it makes sense if you believe that guys look at every woman sexually before forming a relationship with them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/04/20 06:29 PM
12

I guess I would say that I have been very lazy to help out my mom, like if she asks me to do something for me, I’ll get irrationally mad on the inside, although I try to fake that I am obedient and appreciative whenever she asks me by enthusiastically doing it without grumbling. It’s almost never me going out of my way to help her. Sometimes I am able to talk to her about emotions and stuff, but other times, I just end up crying because my self-esteem is very poor. I’ll have to work on these thi…
/r/askFDS20/04/20 11:38 PM
13

Disclaimer before I start: I'm an FDS newbie. When I look at the "relationship with mom" flag for me, the biggest notes I pay attention to are: does he respect her? Does he treat her like a maid? Does he have a healthy ability to talk about emotions with her? It is normal in your young adult years for there to be tension with parents. The transition from parent-child to parent-young adult is a strange one to navigate, especially if you've made choices for yourself that they disagree with. A very…
/r/askFDS20/04/20 08:21 PM
16

OMG i had something similar happen to me! I matched with a guy who was like 150 miles away somehow and when I was like "bummer! you seem so cool and there's a lot on your profile I like," he was like "well ok guess i'll go," and of course in my pickme ways I was like "what? i didn't say I was uninterested, just a bummer we're so far apart," and he wound up doing that manipulative thing where he was like "ok bye," a few more times INCLUDING the time when I didn't text him for 2 days because I was…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/04/20 02:37 PM
8

Also, not sure if you meant to sound negative here, but maybe work on finding better, more positive ways to communicate. I was clearly not discussing physical strength in regards to confidences and competencies. The curt "got it. thanks." will never be found endearing to anyone. And instead of saying "it was a mistake to learn Mandarin, it's useless," and what other bickering you do, just turn it around in your head. Knowing languages is cool and impressive. You should believe it when you say "y…
/r/askFDS20/03/20 06:16 PM
7

Learning a language--even if its German which is the most gutteral and "unsexy" language is still highly attractive to at least myself for 2 reasons: 1. it shows intelligence and knowledge, and thats my #2 thing I look for in a guy and 2. it shows dedication and commitment. If you have no reason for learning it then, 3. it shows ambition, too. Its cool to speak multiple languages and I think most people would at the very least find it impressive. It's also likely to have great repercussions in y…
/r/askFDS19/03/20 07:52 PM
5

We didn't fight about it--sorry if I made that unclear. When he brought up exclusivity and asked me for it, I agreed. Then he asked "does this make you my girlfriend?" and I said he'd have to ask for that title, too. He immediately followed up with the question and we've agreed since that having clarified we were both exclusive and gf/bf was a good move. There was no question about if we were in a committed relationship or not.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/20 03:04 AM
14

Yeah, I think label clarification is important. I made sure I got "girlfriend," in my current relationship, but he thought "dating," was exclusive. I didn't and don't agree with his labels but he's adjusted to and adopted mine ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ edit: clarity and grammar
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/20 08:54 PM
3

I would literally cry over that gift! Thank you for the clarification--I want him to be financially responsible, but he doesn't have to be loaded rn. I'm a saver and would want someone with a similar sensibility to purchases. Thanks for your kind comments!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/02/20 02:48 AM
4

Yeah that does make sense! I'm young and still in school--as are all the men I've dated or ever been in a relationship with--and I just haven't experienced that yet bc student loans. I also do my own nails/hair/waxing. It would be nice one day to have some contribute to the costs of looking good for them! But I'm also not having sex until marriage so ¯_(ツ)_/¯ Thank you for your response!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/02/20 11:13 PM
-3

are you coworkers? bc that sounds like "you'll be a warm body and i'll be there," and sounds like he's not putting in any effort to romance the situation............... in my newbie opinion
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/02/20 10:21 PM
10

I would think the mindset of "he's my boyfriend, not my father," is like... healthy dating. In the same way I'm their girlfriend, not their mother, no? I still want my man to pay for going out and he better treat me, but idk if its fair to expect him to pay for my nails and hair? Is that pick-me of me?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/02/20 08:40 PM
1

And its moments like this when I'm so thankful I've gotten to surround myself with amazing female friends who have told me my worth and loved me so dearly that like... even when I doubt what I deserve they can remind me that 60/40 isn't a relationship when i'm like "yeah maybe i'd settle for that!" idk. I used to very much be a pickmeisha and i'm noticing that I've reverted to a lot of that mindset in this relationship. It's disappointing on so many levels!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/01/20 03:23 PM
16

yeah. it's so crappy. I can't believe i waited years to enter into a relationship again and this is what i got from someone I thought really respected me. he respects that I don't want to have sex but doesn't ever show me any modicum of affection.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/01/20 02:27 AM
27

I didn't really date for three years after being a doormat for an abusive ex. Moved back home, spent the first half of last year going on dozens of first dates via Hinge. Stopped around September when I realized I wasn't meeting people I organically would meet and there was no foundation of friendship... ie, a foundation built on mutual respect. Then I started dating one of my best friends and what started out so wonderful where I couldn't stop singing his praises to my friends and family for hi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/01/20 01:35 AM
44

estelle had a very popular song "american boy," like 15 years ago (i feel old typing that) and some of the lines are He said "Hey Sister. It's really really nice to meet you." I just met this 5 foot 7 guy who's just my type. I like the way he's speaking his confidence is peaking. but i still don't get if we're supposed to be standard shaming her
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/19 07:32 PM
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