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curiousgoblin22 Archive

View 0 posts and 51 comments by curiousgoblin22 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
118

This is a great framing and a timely reminder for me. Thank you. I have been struggling of late - as a late bloomer to dating, it's been mentally tough to cope with loneliness and the fact that others my age have had way more dating / sexual experiences. I've never been able to casually date either - so it limits my options. The pandemic has made things worse as my social life has literally become non-existent and it just seems impossible to meet anyone. Sometimes, I feel excruciatingly lonely a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/03/22 10:04 AM
111

I think this is still giving them our mental energy. Also, I don't think mirroring their behavior is healthy - it's sinking to their level. FDS encourages us to just be uninterested and move on quietly & firmly once there's a red flag.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/22 02:19 PM
347

Her husband is straight. So it wasn't just a gift for her...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/22 12:28 AM
178

Bullet dodged. Good riddance.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/01/22 11:57 PM
21

Loveboming can hit people hard and be extremely effective if you're not aware of it. Also, these women likely had underlying deep-rooted vulnerabilities that this guy was exploiting. A stranger asking for money is a huge red flag. But a loved one / partner (someone you think you "love") asking for money is a lot harder to turn down. It's the reason why so many love frauds / scams are still prevalent. I'm keen to see this documentary and my heart goes out to these women. I also think this is yet …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/01/22 02:06 PM
330

This is great advice! It also makes it super obvious if a guy doesn't want to call / meet in person and is just stringing you along. It also helps with not creating false intimacy via texting.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/01/22 01:53 PM
89

This is a great rule and I wish I'd been stronger in the past to follow it strictly. May I ask your advice for emotionally coping and sticking to this rule? Sometimes, missing someone feels overwhelming especially during dry spells of dating. TIA!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/22 08:51 AM
72

I felt every word she wrote. This was manipulation dressed up as romance & fairytale. She was young & inexperienced and he definitely pushed boundaries. I admire her for writing so honestly, even about her insecurities and inexperience. Her story will help many others who've been through similar feel less alone.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/01/22 02:18 PM
3

Thank you for pointing this out. So true. As someone who started dating much later in life, I feel even guys my age seem to want to manipulate my lack of experience. I had one extremely bad situationship experience and it's been difficult to recover from that. I struggle with how to approach dating as an inexperienced older woman - I need to date more to get experience but, dating without experience has been scary & difficult. I feel quite hopeless sometimes and don't really know how to deal wit…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/22 12:59 PM
156

But like why didn't he join OP? I don't get the thinking behind this at all. If my date spontaneously wanted to get ice cream or buy something at a store, I would definitely accompany them even if I didn't want / need to do the same.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/21 05:02 AM
12

It's entirely up to you how you want to enforce friendship boundaries. Personally, I would simply mute notifications and ignore her / reply sporadically - that may be less likely to provoke a reaction from her. If she keeps pestering you to talk, just say you're really bogged down by work and it's not a good time. With friends like these, sometimes a "calm" non-dramatic slow fade may be better. She can't get upset or dramatic if you don't engage or give her anything to react to.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/21 01:01 PM
43

Thank you so much for writing this down, especially with all the details. 100% accurate. I'd add that experienced fuckboys are also very good at giving theatrical apologies after a serious boundary violation. Learnt the hard way that is how they hoover you back into staying. Block & delete at the first sign of trying to sext is really the only way. There's virtually no way to tell apart a real HVM and an experienced fuckboy in the beginning. And the fake intimacy will tempt you to remain friends…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/11/21 01:05 AM
32

I struggle with this at times too. Sometimes it helps to remind myself that rejection, politely done, is actually a HV trait as it's respecting the other person (enough to not waste their time) and a mark of healthy boundaries for yourself. You're declining what you don't want, being upfront with the other person and not wasting both your & their future time and effort.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/21 09:13 AM
4

As it's a recent realization, it's still very much a work in progress for me. For a start, I'm trying to practice setting & enforcing boundaries better, even with friends, and prioritizing how I feel abit more (not in a selfish way, but in a self care way).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/21 06:13 AM
63

Just a suggestion - maybe try reading up on codependency and see if that's relevant / helpful for you. Personally, I realized I am quite codependent - i.e. I give way too much to other people & then resent them for not doing the same or more. Because I'm so focused on doing this, I find myself doing things I don't want to (since I'm not focusing on my feelings, only theirs) and ignore red flags, stay longer in toxic situations, etc. I have a hard time being honest about negative feelings. I also…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/21 03:56 AM
65

The red flag here isn't him rotational dating but his nonchalant reply when asked about it. If someone really likes you, they are very unlikely to actively encourage you to date others (not even as a joke). Even when rotational dating, people will naturally tend to be more careful around the one they like most - because they wouldn't wanna mess up their chances with them. A guy who really likes you and who was rotational dating likely would have answered in a more reassuring way & definitely wou…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/21 06:47 AM
5

Please don't think of this as a failure. Why not think of this as a pause / reset on your life? Also, it's a wonderful thing that you're on good enough terms with your parents that they are willing to let you move back in for a short while. Take the 6 months as time to heal in a safe space and regroup, while you save up & think of next steps. Hang in there & please stay strong during this time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/10/21 12:43 AM
9

I agree that it's okay if he is less responsive during certain times of day but the key is to watch for inflexibility and signs of him being uncomfortable with chatting outside of the regular schedule. For example: - a married / taken guy may not pick up spontaneous calls - a player may only be responsive on certain days / times - someone looking for a penpal may be reluctant to chat outside work hours If he's ONLY meeting / chatting with you at a specific time, that's a red flag and you should …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/21 04:11 PM
62

Such an important post. I would add to also pay attention if he's unavailable or only messaging you at certain times of the day. Once you've moved off app to regular texting, beware if his availability is rigid - it almost always indicates he's not looking to date seriously and/or may have something to hide (maybe he's married / taken / casually dating many ppl / using you as a penpal only). To test this, try switching up your availability and message him at different times of day. Don't share m…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/21 04:25 AM
91

There are so many movies / dramas that show women picking LVM (sometimes over HVM) - after reading FDS, my perspective on these storyline have completely changed & I don't see them as romantic anymore. A few that come to mind: The Notebook - she cheats on her HVM fiance by sleeping with her LVM teenage summer fling, they constantly argue and then makeup (hello trauma bonding), and in the end he convinces her to break off her engagement to be with him, likely alienating her from her family. Cluel…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/10/21 12:16 AM
842

Well, guys use the same organ to pee and have sex. If we're really being juvenile and negging / comparing the NATURAL body anatomy of males & females, then I think that's more disgusting tbh.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/21 12:32 AM
50

I second staying busy. It's really the only way. Some specific ideas: - Pack your social calendar by scheduling meetups with friends - Take on new projects at work - Start doing a new all/time-consuming hobby (e.g. language learning or a new sport) - Look into using meditation apps - Complete projects you've been putting off - Pamper yourself and do one self-care thing a day (e.g. bubble bath, treat yourself to something nice, do a nice vacation, etc)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/09/21 03:30 PM
37

I find complete non-reaction disarms people. He's probably doing it for a reaction - if you totally don't react & shut down, he'll have nothing to feed off and will learn that the consequence is simply the conversation ending. When he next says this: - If in person, just say "OK" and walk away. - If it's via text, just stop replying. - If it's a date, please just leave. - If it's a work situation and others can hear, just pause and let the silence be awkward. Edit to add: The above assumes there…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/09/21 06:56 PM
118

I was talking about how college is great for networking and he said that's a euphemism for US college hook-up culture. He was a US native and I wasn't so I didn't really say anything in response... 🤷🏻‍♀️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/09/21 12:57 AM
142

Great list, I'll add: Asking about your salary on the first date. Any mention of going 50/50 even in a non-financial context. Anyone who belabours the point is usually very calculative. Forgetting special occasions, even holidays, and conveniently not doing anything for you. It's not the lack of a gift, it's the sheer lack of thoughtfulness.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/09/21 11:10 AM
118

Even shy people will step out of their shell when needed. If the guy has a job, it implies he knew how to talk appropriately and enough to succeed at an interview. There's no reason why he can't do the same when dating.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/09/21 02:43 PM
22

The other way around is a problem too - they'll say "I'm poly / open with my SO" while dating a monogamous woman and expect her to give her blessing for him to openly sleep with others. Because "it's not cheating if I'm upfront about it". If you're truly poly, why are you dating a monogamous person?!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/08/21 08:20 PM
40

Seconding this! For this to work, you have to make the effort to socialise before / after the actual event - e.g. show up early & chat with people, linger after or walk with people to the carpark / subway so you can chat a little more. You could also ask to exchange numbers after awhile and eventually suggest catching up outside your usual meetups for coffee.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/08/21 01:25 AM
40

Agree fully with this. Generally, dating when you're vulnerable (in any way) is not good because it limits your ability to leave and may make you over-reliant on others too quickly. Also, at an older age, it's easier to date seriously when your own life is more settled and in a healthy space. If everything is in flux, I'll likely be less committal and may not be as clear on what I want / what my dealbreakers are.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/08/21 11:34 PM
40

Thank you for this reminder. Personally, I struggle with mixed signals the most. If I have a one-sided crush or the guy ignores / avoids me, it's clear the guy isn't interested and I dwell on that to move on pretty fast. But when there's mixed signals, it usually means I have to decide to walk away (even though I have strong feelings for him). I want to move on ASAP and simply put it out of my mind, but really struggle at times even after months of no contact. I generally try to distract myself …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/08/21 04:44 AM
137

Thanks for sharing & I'm relieved you didn't get sucked further into this. I had this happen to me too (eerily similar to how you describe it - lovebombing, bombarding texts and personal questions & sudden pull back). At the time, I was very naive and not aware of lovebombing / trauma bonding. It was also long distance so I thought it would be harmless to chat. Unfortunately, these tactics are truly effective and can be traumatizing if the victim doesn't realise what's happening. It took me mont…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/21 05:02 AM
23

I don't think this is salvageable. This is a massive breach of trust - and he likely had opportunities to tell her before & didn't. Presumably, they would have talked about relationship histories during 6 months of dating and not mentioning a divorce is a huge omission. If she never found out, would he have married her without telling her? If he lied about this, what else did he withhold or not share? She's valid to be questioning everything. If he truly cares about her, he should respect her de…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/08/21 06:16 PM
52

"Emotional lasso" is a such a great way to describe fuzzy / flexible boundaries. Sigh I definitely have been guilty of emotional lasso-ing and hoping my big speech / well-crafted text will magically get the other person to change. It rarely works and usually, if I am emotional lasso-ing, I kinda already know I'm probably too invested in a person that isn't worth that effort. At that point, it's typically the beginning of the end.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/08/21 02:34 PM
10

I agree a text by itself doesn't matter. If a guy calls you frequently and sees you for dates regularly, but they're a bad texter ==> to me, that's okay since they are keeping in touch in other ways. This is a genuine case of texting not being their preferred mode of communication. But if a guy doesn't text and there's no other ancillary effort to keep in touch, it is what it is - he's clearly not interested and/or low effort.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/08/21 03:02 AM
1

Thank you mods! I'd like to request a flair too, if possible.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/08/21 01:52 PM
164

It is a subtle manipulation tactic that is sadly quite effective. They assume something bad will happen (you may ghost them) and this causes the listener to scramble to reassure them of the opposite. It also makes it harder for the listener to leave later because they'll feel guilty & won't want to be inconsistent with what they "promised" not to do earlier. This tactic preys on the listener's instinct to be nice and not rude, and is especially effective on people who are empathetic or have poor…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/06/21 04:41 AM
15

Preach it sis. I've realised being a pickme is easy - you stay, compromise, keep rose tinted glasses on and never leave. Being FDS requires inner strength because you have to overrule your heart (& loins) to set boundaries, say no, make tough changes and leave asap when red flags appear. It's difficult and society will say you're being too harsh & should give people second chances. But after becoming adults, people don't truly change honestly. Being FDS is a no nonsense way to prioritise yoursel…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/06/21 02:01 AM
61

This is very true, thank you for this post. A breakup is hard enough. A breakup where one party continues lying, stonewalls having a breakup conversation, refuses to take responsibility for what they did and/or tries to guilt-trip you into staying is horrible. The dumper's guilt in such situations is overwhelming and the trauma bond makes it hard to leave. If you were or are facing a similar situation, please remember it isn't a regular breakup. Regular breakups hurt badly too but usually there …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/05/21 04:32 AM
9

Is he pushy? Is he negociating ("so maybe just a lil peck? So maybe just a hug") If yes,he's more likely to push your sexual boundaries later on. Is "negociating" a typo or a clever pun on negging + negotiating? If the latter, it's such a great pun!! It needs to be a legit word :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/05/21 12:05 AM
46

This is so, so true. I'd add that some guys may selectively reply quickly to things they like and take hours / half a day to reply back when you actually need their support or want to discuss things. The delay may not be days-long but will be just long enough to cause you to worry they're ghosting. And when they finally reply, they'll gaslight you into believing their valid reason. Don't fall for it. Pay attention to patterns of "convenient unavailability". A partner should always be there for y…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/05/21 11:48 PM
8

You absolutely did the right thing. You spoke up to warn other women about this guy. The fact that another woman in the FB group recognized who you were talking about (when you didn't name him) is proof that you weren't overreacting, he's clearly done this before and other women have also felt unsafe around him. So sorry you had to go through this :(
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/05/21 07:52 AM
29

I greatly admire your presence of mind to deal with this situation so decisively and rationally. I still have a ways to go, need to learn from you!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/05/21 02:43 AM
206

Thank you for this reminder. Even the guys who aren't cheating may not be looking for a relationship - many are emotionally unavailable for various reasons (recently divorced or broken up, separated but not yet divorced, or just looking to hookup). I've met so many guys who seemed good on paper but were looking to casually date as a way to pass time, make "friends" or simply bide time while they healed from past trauma. Some like having female attention & company. Some like to keep their options…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/05/21 05:48 AM
252

I've realised the so-called "harsh" women actually get married to better quality men. So it works!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/05/21 12:31 AM
1

Agree totally. Also if women are truly empowered, then every woman gets to decide what she will and will not accept. No one should be shamed for setting their own standards. If women who follow FDS are viewed as "high maintenance", then so be it. It literally doesn't impact anyone else, except the guys who actually WANT to date a FDS woman and yet don't meet her standards - in which case, there is a fundamental incompatibility and both should simply move on.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/05/21 10:10 AM
154

"You're not easy." Damn straight I'm not!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/21 04:24 PM
5

You think too much, relax. Just feel, don't think. You're just missing the sex positive vibe.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/21 12:37 AM
48

Seconding your post! It's also a red flag when a guy tells you unprompted about the "good things" they do. It's unnecessary and essentially humble bragging. Truly HVM and HVW usually don't bring up how they treat partners, the importance of consent, doing good things, volunteering regularly or the like - they just DO IT and show via their actions. They're secure that their actions speak for themselves. Honestly, be cautious with smooth talking men who'll talk themselves up - my rule now is SHOW,…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/05/21 11:52 PM
192

Great post! I'd add constant all-day texting and good morning / good night texts in the early stages when there's no defined relationship yet. It's so easy to mistake consistent texting as interest when it's really just the lowest form of effort, disrespectful of your time and can become addictive (beware trauma bonds!).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/05/21 02:11 PM
2

"I'm usually pretty open and don't lie. And if you ever feel like I lied, check with me first and let's talk about it." Translation: I have already lied to you and you may catch me out. When you do, I want to make sure you don't just leave and will cOmMuNiCaTe so I can word salad, subtly gaslight & keep stringing you along with some bullshit explanation.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/04/21 12:30 AM
7

This line really hit me hard because I've totally been there myself - "I deleted all of the photos of him... and none were of us together." Just shows how little he valued you and your friendship, let alone anything more. So glad you finally got out, it's never too late and don't buy into the sunk cost fallacy. He never deserved you and never will since he failed to see your worth in 7 years! Level up, glow up and sending lots of love your way!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/04/21 11:30 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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