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dadafoot Archive

View 0 posts and 31 comments by dadafoot on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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3

If you have custody time with your kids, then you have to have a suitable place for them to live. Condo or House makes sense. If you don't have access to your kids in your home, I would honestly go the route of living in a box truck for a year or two if you can manage that. Bankroll everything. Eat ramen noodles, don't spend a penny towards yourself... all discretionary spending is for the benefit of the kids. After two years, you would have saved well over $200k I am assuming based on what you …
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/24 04:40 PM
2

Hang in there - you sound like a great dad. Enjoy your birthday with your kids, that is what really matters. If you have a good relationship with your kids, that is worth more than anything.
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/24 07:54 PM
1

I go back and forth. It's hard to be mad at someone forever. I do have 4 great kids from her, so there is that. But I'm only human, and at times bitterness does creep in. Lots of good therapy is key for any man in this situation, to keep your mental health in a good place. I try to remind myself that while my situation sucks, I don't have it as bad as some of the others on here. I was able to successfully navigate a false DV allegation and still get to see my kids, and have a good relationship w…
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/22 11:37 PM
4

Wow I'm sorry to hear that man that sounds awful. I've had some bad experiences but not to this extent. Hang in there. Keep going one day at a time. You can do this, and eventually there will be a light at the end of the tunnel. Even if you are broke and alone when you are done paying (which I will be), being free from the chains of your ex will be an incredible feeling.
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/22 06:23 PM
1

I'm going through this now. STBX is SAHM. Everything everyone is saying is correct. The courts are grossly biased towards women, and if you have a nasty ex, they will weaponize your kids and not stop until you are bankrupt. I wish this was hyperbole, but it is not. Even high earners are not immune. Lawyer up, hire a vocational expert, and get a good therapist. If you have kids, her keeping the house is a no-brainer 99% of the time. I wouldn't pick that battle, it's a lost cause.
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/22 03:56 PM
3

This is so well written and expresses so much of what I'm feeling. I was the high earner while my STBX was the SAHM and got to enjoy all the time with the kids while they were young. Now I am stuck in a miserable job, working 16 hour days when I don't have the kids so that I can be present for them on the days I do have them. It's very hard. I'm constantly exhausted and they tell me it's boring at my house and they'd rather be at Mom's. It is soul crushing. The system is so unfair. All I care ab…
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/22 06:54 PM
3

Archaic doesn't even do it justice. The laws are barbaric and cruel. It is amazing to me that this sort of thing can still go on in this country. Try to take care of yourself and your mental health as best you can. Eventually, your son will be out of your ex's control. You'll have an opportunity to rekindle a relationship. But make sure to also take care of yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/22 06:37 PM
2

All makes sense - no kids together is the key. Once she is paid off, you will be truly free from her. Once this is behind you, I bet your sleeping will return to normal.
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/22 06:11 PM
1

You are a good son. Having your support means the world to your Dad. True wealth is him having this relationship with you. I'm so sorry you are going through this; know that the divorce was not your fault and your Dad loves you very much.
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/22 05:56 PM
2

Sadly, this is very real. My STBX obtained an ex-parte TRO using false allegations of abuse. It worked, and after months of fighting like hell and having to go through humiliating supervised visits, I now have unsupervised visitation and am starting to feel like a human, instead of a criminal.
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/22 04:48 PM
1

How do you handle when your wife refuses to pay proportional share of copays, sports, etc...? I am going through that now but each of our attorneys have money of ours in escrow and we will settle up at trial with what she has refused to pay. But once our divorce is finalized, what recourse will I have if she still refuses to pay amounts that she has been court ordered to split 50/50? I won't be able to afford all the extracurriculars, copays etc...
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/22 03:12 PM
2

If you have kids and she has been the primary caretaker, her keeping the house is almost a given. That has been my experience, at least.
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/22 03:06 PM
2

So sorry to hear that story. Yes, you can live well, even after paying her, but at what cost? Mental health is important and we as humans aren't meant to work 60-80 weeks year round. The system is so messed up.
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/22 02:52 PM
3

It has been a nightmare for sure. I haven't even shared all the worst details. The good thing is I've never been particularly materialistic. I can be 65, living off mostly social security, and find ways to keep myself content, and be at peace with myself. I'm just hoping to be able to get to that point, with no debt, and be free from her. I have spreadsheets calculating how much I'll need to withdraw from my retirement each year just to be able to make ends meet. There is a good chance I run out…
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/22 02:46 PM
2

Thanks for sharing that story. That really is a tough thing to hear. This is such a screwed up system, I have to believe that karma eventually comes through. If it helps, try not think of that as your Mom's legacy; think about it like she raised a strong, resilient man who is able to come this crappy deck of cards he'd been dealt. Hang in there.
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/22 02:40 PM
2

That's awesome - good for you bro. I wish I had that same confidence to just take that attitude. Someday maybe.
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/22 02:36 PM
2

I paid over that last year, got it reduced to $6k/month in 2022.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/22 09:50 PM
2

Right now I'm paying over 50% of my net take home. 60.5% to be exact.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/22 09:48 PM
1

Yes but if CS is that much you are probably working an awful job and have the golden handcuffs that mean you can't leave until kids are emancipated. It's not as rosy as it sounds and there is an enormous amount of pressure knowing that if you leave your current job over 50 years old, opportunities are far less, and you may be taking a $50k+ pay cut, while still having to pay same amount in support.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/22 09:46 PM
4

Good luck - you have a long road ahead of you but you can do this. My divorce is over two years in the works and should hopefully be finalized this fall. Get yourself a good therapist and take things one day at a time. I earn similar to you and was the sole provider. It is not going to be easy and I am going to have to liquidate what's left of my 401(k) (and pay taxes and penalties for early withdrawal) just to pay alimony & CS.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/22 09:43 PM
3

With 4 kids ages 5-11, moving out of the country is not an option. Perhaps when they are grown and I’m done paying alimony/CS, it could be an option. My social security will go much further overseas than in the US.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/22 08:15 PM
4

Don’t give up. Esp if you have kids, keep taking things one day at a time. I have to believe that karma in one form or another exists. I have a similar timeframe - 13 years. When I’m having a bad day, I daydream about 13 years from now - I’ll be broke and probably living in a shack, but I’ll have my integrity and hopefully my kids will see the truth when they are adults. And I will be free from the chains that keep me tied to my STBX.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/22 08:13 PM
5

It's insane. I have to step outside myself from time to time and just shake my head and the whole system. My STBX screwed around in college, never had a real job, and is horrible with money. I was valedictorian in college, busted my ass, saved money, and now she will end up much more well off than me. She has mastered the system and has being mentored by several other divorced SAHM's in the neighborhood.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/22 06:06 PM
7

Funny you should say that - Majority of my career has been in institutional investing. STBX timed her filing to be right before when she knew I was planning to get out of this rat race. Now I feel stuck in a job/career I hate (for at least 13 more yrs). I am focusing on one day at a time like you suggest. It’s all I can do right now.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/22 04:39 PM
2

Wow that is rough. I'm staring at 13 years worth of payments ahead of me as my youngest is only 5. I'll easily be paying over $500k during that period, but more likely closer to $750k.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/22 04:01 PM
2

I would say that it is more accurate to say that paying more means you are a higher earner, not necessarily wealthier. My STBX is far, far wealthier than I due to family money that she has in a trust account. However I am the higher earner, therefore stuck paying a large ($6k) support number. The stress that comes with that support number is enormous, because if you lose your job you have much farther to fall. Fewer options to change jobs at high income levels.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/22 03:59 PM
2

Good to know. That's what I'm thinking will happen in my case. I"m thinking $15/hour full time should net her $2-$3k/month, bringing our combined net take home to $12-$13k/month, which we'll split equally. We have 4 kids, youngest of which is 5 yrs old.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/22 03:44 PM
16

Feeling hopeless because once the kids are emancipated I'll be 60 years old. Not much time to restart. Already burnt out from a 25 year career (so far) with long hours and lots of stress. Not sure there will be anything left in the tank at 60. Plan to find a job at that time to get me to 65, move to a rural area, and live off social security at that time.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/22 03:42 PM
8

$6k here also. Been paying it for last 2 years while waiting for the divorce to play out. My youngest is 5 so I've got 13 long years ahead of me. Will likely drain my entire 401(k) in that time just for alimony/CS and will consider my situation a success if I have $0 in my bank account by the time youngest is emancipated.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/22 03:23 PM
2

This is me exactly - $185k salary, STBX is SAHM. Thinking $3,500/mo is reasonable, though I'm hoping for less than that (trial in September). Did they impute income to your ex in order to arrive at the $3,500 amount?
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/22 03:19 PM
3

I pay $6k/month right now. Not divorced yet. Trial in September. Vocational Rehab expert has been hired so that an appropriate income amount can be imputed to ex.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/22 03:17 PM
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