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dance-in-the-ashes Archive

View 1 posts and 56 comments by dance-in-the-ashes on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
1

dance-in-the-ashes/r/askFDS01/04/21 06:24 PM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
31

I have zero intention of having my own kids and have been sterilized (was lucky enough to find docs more willing to do it in the last few years, it helps that I live in a large city). I would be willing to date someone who already has children, but it depends on the situation. In a perfect world, I might have liked to have had kids, but there is no way it’s an option (in my mind) given the many, many things that go along with it in US society. And I’m quite happy not having them, I get to keep s…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/21 04:14 AM
27

My experience is that even WLW dating apps are hookup fests :( I've tried HER and Lex (and OkCupid). Lex was slightly better than HER to me, I like that it's not all about swiping photos. I might give Giggle a shot. I'm pretty over OLD apps, and I also have the problem of never being able to meet women in real life, but I did meet someone via a butch-femme Facebook group! WLW or LGBTQ+ meetup/chat groups have been the most viable route in my past experience.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/21 09:59 PM
38

This! Jon became LV the minute he gave the North to Danaerys, my mind can’t be changed. (Also even if you stan Dany others have commented how he was LV in his relationship with her.)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/07/21 10:58 PM
1

Thanks for cluing me in to steer clear of S3! I watched the first episode last night and was pretty meh about it after mostly enjoying the first 2 seasons. This could have been such a good show but Jack had to duck it up :(
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/07/21 03:56 AM
75

It would be good to talk to a lawyer and a domestic violence advocate who is knowledgeable about immigration and domestic violence (they may have legal aid available). He literally trapped you into this marriage under false pretenses, and what he's doing to you is economic coercion and financial abuse, among other things. Please seek help.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/06/21 03:30 AM
25

Thank God and science for tubal ligations, holy shit. I hope she finds out and divorces his selfish, disrespectful ass.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/21 04:40 AM
86

Ugh. I wonder if she even had the same perception of “asking him out” that he did…I message people and invite them to coffee because they’re new and need support, not because it’s a fucking date or hookup (a lot of people say you shouldn’t date the first year or date anyone in their first year and I believe in that wholeheartedly). So damn thankful I am in a mostly LGBT group though (although we still have our own issues with inappropriate behavior at times). The documentary the 13th step really…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/06/21 04:06 AM
10

I want to save this and text it to anyone who tries to hit me up for casual sex. Brilliant.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/05/21 12:20 AM
7

I'm the same way, I like my free time to not be interrupted by tons of text messages. That's a healthy boundary to have. Block and delete douchebags like this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/05/21 01:15 AM
2

Thank you for this reminder.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/04/21 01:13 AM
5

Some male doctors are just...whoo lord. When I was 27 my (older male) PCP told me my eggs were dying and I should get on having kids right away - no medical concerns related to reproductive health, mind you, just because I was “aging,” and completely unsolicited, never told him I was interested in having kids. Am 33 and just got my tubes tied thank fucking God. (My current OBGYN is a dude but he’s actually decent, not pushy, and bent over backwards to arrange a convenient surgery situation and n…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/04/21 01:13 AM
4

Amazing! I could relate to so much of what you posted and wish I had found FDS when I was younger. Props for standing up for yourself and taking care of you 💜
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/04/21 01:02 AM
42

It’s definitely problematic. Like so many things, money is everything and the harms disproportionately fall on poor and working class, and POC women. One of the books on my to read list is Being and Being Bought: Prostitution, Surrogacy, and the Split Self by Kajsa Ekis Ekman. I want to read her views on prostitution but I’m also curious about how she interrogates the harms of surrogacy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/04/21 05:18 AM
13

BDSM contracts are not legally binding anyway, thank God, but I have seen cops use them as reasons not to investigate cases of abuse/trafficking (buying the line when the perp says it's consensual because there's a contract). I'm so glad this asshole is actually being investigated and tried for his shit.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/04/21 11:51 PM
10

Thank you. I am much better today but it was a long road getting here!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/04/21 01:39 PM
83

This is so eerily similar to my own story (my abuser/trafficker was 35yo than me, started grooming me and abusing me really young, and when I turned 18 the story was we were “in a relationship”). I hope and pray she gets away from his pedophile ass sooner rather than later.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/04/21 03:11 AM
1

Financial Independence Retire Early.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/04/21 02:05 AM
8

Literally the only reason I can think of for doing this is FIRE. Financial stability is nice but I don't want someone who is so obsessed with FIRE that they don't live in an actual dwelling (and the fact that dude is THIS into FIRE makes me think he's also going to be cheap AF when it comes to dates, etc.). It's funny that he invokes stereotypes of homelessness and meth use because I've been homeless (due to domestic violence) and I've also been an addict and the things that go along with that a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/04/21 07:50 PM
3

I am, thankfully! The accident was painful but didn't cause lasting damage (just a lot of bruising, the driver was rolling into a turn without looking so thankfully wasn't going very fast). I definitely still have a lot of anxiety as a pedestrian from it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/04/21 04:59 PM
23

I’ve experienced this frequently as someone who doesn’t drive and mainly walks or takes public transit or Uber. I have actually been hit by a car - and thinking back 95% of the time the drivers yelling at me or almost hitting me are men. The driver who did hit me was a man. I never jaywalk either, they are the ones trying to break the law and ignore walk signs. I’ve literally had drivers yell death threats or horrible slurs at me for delaying their left turn by 20 seconds. I never thought about …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/04/21 07:05 AM
22

Exactly fucking this. Also (speaking as a trafficking survivor) a lot of trafficking victims are groomed into saying they want it when really it’s just abuse, too. One of the most common recruitment strategies is being boyfriended in by a Romeo pimp.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/04/21 02:12 AM
4

Thank you for this. I can relate a lot and am still working on uprooting those desires in myself. So glad you are here!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/04/21 05:27 AM
43

Exactly. And it’s not even about “reclaiming” for most people...it’s engaging in a kink subculture that’s extremely degrading and objectifying. If they try to call it “reclaiming,” to me it’s just a cover for that. Like, you can enjoy femininity without going into “bimbofication” kink.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/04/21 10:39 PM
5

Choice feminism is a hell of a drug. (And I can relate to the housework woes.)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/04/21 10:53 PM
46

Thank you! Me too. It was a learning experience for sure. Took me a minute to find FDS but that situation taught me a lot about myself and what I don’t want on my way here.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/04/21 10:22 AM
229

Was in a live-in poly relationship for 4 years, legit was like having two man-children (who were also gaming and porn addicts and sometimes abusive, had mental health issues they refused help for, and no ambition). I worked full time, handled all their administrative life stuff, all the housework cooking shopping etc. Never again. I quit polyamory partly because in theory it sounds nice but in practice it often ends up being misogynist and/or just another way for hookup culture to be acted out u…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/04/21 08:24 AM
3

Fear of being more of a target, or being used for sex, is one of the things I struggle with as far as weight loss. But I do want to lose for my health. (And let’s be real...I’ve been targeted and used at this weight too.)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/04/21 04:11 AM
13

Not to mention medical trauma during birth for a lot of women. I have so many friends who’ve gone through that and enough of my own medical trauma that I have zero interest in experiencing birth. So damn grateful I found a doctor (in the south, no less) who would tie my tubes without me having had kids. If our society was different I would have wanted kids, and I support people who have them, but I definitely agree more info needs to be available so people can make informed decisions.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/04/21 07:13 AM
24

All of this. The thing that guts me the most about this is that economic problems impact women worse than men (statistically speaking overall). Like, economic problems suck for everyone, but our wages are lower, we are less likely to get hired/promoted, we are more likely to be responsible for childcare/housework/caregiving for family members that interferes with job, etc. And then if we are in a relationship we have worse health and stress outcomes because men aren't interested in taking care o…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/04/21 06:18 PM
126

I mean, I’m a recovering kinkmeisha but I’d lose my shit if I found out my bf called me a slave behind my back and thought of me that way. Ugh. I appreciate all the red pill exposure posts here bc I am too nauseated to wade into their subs and sites.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/03/21 06:11 AM
128

I’m sorry, his slave?!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/03/21 06:06 AM
6

I believe anyone is capable of change. I don't believe I have the power to change anyone. That's up to them. (And I have a lot of wasted effort to back that observation up.) Not only can I not change a man, but trying to change a man feeds into a caregiving trauma response that is unhealthy and codependent for me. No, thanks. There are some great orgs out there trying to do work with men - there are orgs that work with perpetrators of abuse and assault, there's the ManKind project (not sure of t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/21 01:55 AM
2

Okay but hating on pickmes on SM does not really strike me as HVM behavior. I have a male friend who is mostly cool but would never date him because he talks so much shit about what women do. Even when it's along the same lines of what I'm thinking, it still hits wrong that he spends his time criticizing women (a lot of whom are acting from past trauma, cultural misogyny, etc.), because in my head I'm thinking 'if I were dating you you'd probably be a judgmental dick no matter what I did.' Judgm…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/21 01:44 AM
12

So, I have CPTSD and though I’ve gotten better with some things I still have severe emotional flashbacks all the time, and even like low level emotional flashbacks a lot. I’m talking daily. What is helping me is Internal Family Systems therapy and the structural dissociation model which basically argues that we are made up of parts that are implicit memory from our trauma stored in the body (you don’t necessarily have to have dissociative identity disorder, lots of people experience this without…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/03/21 05:04 AM
3

I'm a fan of INCITE! and find their publications and books helpful. I know some people who have been involved in the past and I highly respect their work. Culture Reframed, Fight the New Drug, and TraffickingHub are orgs doing valuable work on the issue of porn.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/03/21 10:17 PM
2

I had to get off FB the last few days because of all the "sex and porn addiction don't exist" memes circulating (including from so-called experts - like, did everyone forget how the dopamine circuits in the brain work?). I 110% believe what happened in ATL was a misogynist and racist hate crime and that sex and porn addiction are not excuses to kill people (and that how we react to 'mental health issues' in white shooters is a function of racism/white supremacy). AND...I cannot look at another m…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/03/21 03:31 PM
14

"The Muslim community is built on women getting less, living less and doing the most" FACTS.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/03/21 03:11 AM
16

I mean, not everyone thinks this way, but unfortunately it's not an unpopular take (and there is a lot of scripture and historical tradition that backs it up). I follow one Islamic meme sub and I can't read the comments because of all the toxicity. I am grateful for the feminist and LGBTQ+-affirming Muslim teachers and groups in my life for sure...we're a smaller crowd but we exist!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/03/21 03:10 AM
86

Ugh. Also Muslim and this shit makes me ill (and is why I am selective about where I engage w the community). The whole “striving for equality is ridiculous because God created men and women differently” thing needs to die a painful death.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/03/21 07:50 PM
10

Recovering alcoholic/addict with a pile of childhood and relationship/sexual trauma raises hand I’m still working through the trauma but very grateful for 12 step and SMART Recovery for giving me better ways to cope. Most addicts I know have trauma - especially women. A lot are in denial that what they’ve experienced qualifies as traumatic.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/03/21 04:07 AM
30

I started but it was hard for me to watch. Hoping to finish soon! I love Bo Burnham and Carey Mulligan is so great as the lead. It’s great so far, just so raw and real that it’s triggering. I’m glad it’s getting a lot of recognition though! My friends rave about it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/03/21 04:52 AM
3

Congratulations! This is super inspiring as someone who's at the beginning-ish stages of the journey :) Thank you so much for sharing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/03/21 08:25 PM
71

This. I had similar (though not as far in the hypersexuality and bestiality direction) fantasies since childhood and spent most of my adult life in the kink community, and only started to realize in the last 3-6 months that for me it's repetition compulsion and it's keeping me traumatized. (And I have this sub to thank for getting me started on learning more about that and investigating what it meant for me.) When there's a part of you that is still obsessed with being stuck in the trauma and re…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/03/21 07:24 PM
79

FACTS. I wish someone had told me that when I was younger in a compassionate way, because it would have saved me a lot of grooming and abuse.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/11/20 10:45 PM
10

The fuck. I love how he says he's "the most lenient one" like he's an authority figure who has to discipline you. WTF.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/20 02:34 AM
72

What you are experiencing is abuse - at the very least financial, sexual, and emotional. I don’t have kids but I have left a relationship where I wasn’t working and started over with nothing in a DV shelter. I have my own place and a good job now. It was a hard couple of years but a million times better than staying in that relationship for another second. I would ask if you can get on the waiting list for any of the shelters there, and/or unless you have other people who can support you or take…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/09/20 06:32 AM
5

It’s me! I’ve learned that 98% of the time men will not notice or care, frankly (at least not to the degree that respects the amount of thought/effort I enjoy putting into acts of service). So not only am I training them to expect to have a servant, I’m also building resentment. It is not a good time. Spread some of that around with other people in your life (not to extremes) and with yourself. I made a rule that I won’t do anything for a man that I would feel resentful about if he didn’t notice…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/09/20 02:41 AM
9

Ugh yes! That's awful.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/09/20 09:50 PM
15

Absolutely, was just assuming metabolic disease based on the post but that too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/09/20 09:50 PM
50

LOL his ED is likely because his circulation is impaired from early arteriosclerosis (the most common cause). The audacity to try and make her feel insecure about it. Ugh.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/09/20 09:16 PM
3

Yes, that is scary. My ex was “just” a chronic liar and mooch (and manwhore I found out later) up until the last several months. Eventually he would lovebomb just to keep me hooked enough that he could keep playing me, and I let him because I was young, afraid of leaving him or being alone, and hadn’t had the best examples in my life before that. I wish I had had FDS then. If you’ve been in a relationship for two years, he’s already shown you the kind of person he is. It does feel terrifying and…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/09/20 07:18 PM
4

In my case it ended with a stint in the hospital and a domestic violence shelter, and the financial coercion piece made it much more difficult. Part of the reason it ended where it did (it did not get physically/emotionally abusive until near the end) is because I barrelled right through massive red flags and thought it was my responsibility to try to fix things, and I was terrified of setting boundaries or of change. This was several years ago, thankfully I'm doing much better now in all respec…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/09/20 07:00 PM
5

FACTS. My pattern used to be staying way too long in situations thinking I had to put in the work to work things out (or just being too scared of change). I'm so, so glad to be done with that now. I definitely regret the time/energy/money wasted more than I'd ever regret leaving.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/09/20 06:38 PM
9

Throw the whole boyfriend out! Seriously. I had an ex who was very similar, down to the video games, not taking care of himself, and relying on me to work when we lived together (even though he was more physically capable of working than I was). I wasted four years on him in my mid-twenties, and moving in with him put me in bad financial straits that made it much harder to leave when shit got really bad because I supported both of us for a long time. Regardless of whether you dump him (and I wou…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/09/20 06:25 PM
1

I dove into other hobbies and social groups (many of which are meeting online right now due to COVID) and that helped me cut back on social media. I have to keep Facebook for community groups and groups related to work that I do, but also unfollowing most people (and getting a chrome extension that blocks the news feed) realllllly helped too. Just some thoughts if you're wanting to find a middle ground instead of deleting. r/nosurf is an awesome resource too!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/09/20 10:43 PM
2

Um, no. Fire his ass. I have a similar background to this girl and am honest about it (although since finding FDS I've wondered about waiting longer to tell people), and any decent human being (boyfriend or otherwise) will see this as trauma and not something to be disgusted by/jealous of. But if you are honest about it you have to develop a bit of a thicker skin to ignore anyone who judges or invalidates.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/09/20 09:18 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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