dckincite Archive

Upvotes	Title	Category	Author	Subreddit	Date (UTC)

Upvotes	Comment on	Subreddit	Date (UTC)
6	Am I an asshole for saying this: Agree with friends, get through it, and know that she won’t follow through anyway. It’s going to be a roller coaster and will change daily. Take care of yourself not her…and know that agreeing to small things sets the stage to agreement on larger things	/r/Divorce_Men	15/11/24 04:34 AM
2	Need Advice ! There are also mediating attorneys. Their job is to represent the dissolution of marriage. Your papers will list one person as the respondent and the other as the main character forced because of law. Mediating attorney will advise both of you right and what makes sense. This is actually a very good option if your wife and you are on good terms. It is much less expensive. And can take on many of the diverse issues of a complicated marriage. As an example, my wife and I divorced after a 40 year m…	/r/Divorce_Men	11/11/24 12:29 PM
4	Completely stuck on the past One tip that helped me was a TED talk by a therapist who said to make a list of all the things you will not miss and things that bothered you about your ex. Keep it in your phone. Mine is in my Notes app. It’s actually been helpful now and then when I’ve gone down the nostalgia death spiral to pull that out and read it. What I come to is that you can’t be with somebody that doesn’t want to be with you. You also can’t win a battle with someone who’s war with themselves. You need to take care of y…	/r/Divorce_Men	03/11/24 06:06 PM
2	It’s been over 2 years and I still can’t seem to move on My ex immediately seemed like she’s living her happy life. She told my son that she felt so happy. She feels guilty. I’d love to say it’s a crock, but maybe it’s not and I just can’t think about it. Control what you can control. There’s a great book called No More Mr. Nice Guy. It was helpful to me and it sounds like it could be something for you based on her reasoning about her connection. You’re absolutely right that there’s no use being with somebody that doesn’t wanna be with you. You’re dea…	/r/Divorce_Men	03/11/24 07:18 AM
6	Completely stuck on the past Our tendency is to create a story about the past that is really not true. We had tribute so many positive characteristics to our ex some of which are true, but many of which are just an idealization. Keep in mind your fantasy of the past is just as much of a fantasy as the future. So why not go to the future. And be realistic about the past. It will get easier. I’m three months in to end of a 40 year marriage and it’s already a bit better. Time is your best friend and your worst enemy.	/r/Divorce_Men	03/11/24 07:09 AM
3	It is said that 90% of success for relationships can be attributed to selection. Do you agree? It said that if you wear rose colored glasses, there’s no way to see red flags. And that is so true. So many of these comments resonate with me as well. The best comment that my ex and I got when we were engaged was a mutual friend that knew both of us said “I think you can both do better“ it was funny for several years and then it was prophetic.	/r/Divorce_Men	03/11/24 07:04 AM
1	Guilt is holding me back That about sums it up	/r/Divorce_Men	21/10/24 08:47 PM
2	Guilt is holding me back I was going to suggest this as well. It was a great read and embarrassing, reveal about my own behavior.	/r/Divorce_Men	10/10/24 12:33 AM
3	Guilt is holding me back I’ve been in a similar situation. Not as intense as you describe your wife’s behavior. I was doing everything and many things weren’t really necessary. Take a look at the term over functioning. It was really enlightening for me. My wife said that it made so much sense and we were married for a very long time. We are divorcing right now. But my over functioning caused her to under function which manifested as depression and insecurity. it may not apply to you, but just take a look. Like your wife…	/r/Divorce_Men	10/10/24 12:28 AM
3	She wants a divorce after 40 years I’m with you. I’d love to take the pain away too	/r/Divorce_Men	02/10/24 02:07 AM
5	She wants a divorce after 40 years I feel your pain. My wife and I celebrated 40 this past August as well and are now divorcing for similar reasons. We came to the decision mutually and the process has been amicable. It will be final in a few weeks. We used a mediating attorney which was great since she had the legal background to make suggestions and talk about what a judge would agree to or not. It has been easier with only one or two meltdowns. The thing about her wanting to be alone is real. I doubt she is cheating or even in…	/r/Divorce_Men	01/10/24 01:15 PM