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derekcanmexit Archive

View 1 posts and 55 comments by derekcanmexit on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
32

Need Supportderekcanmexit/r/Divorce_Men15/09/25 12:25 AM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
3

Solid advice that I’m trying to apply in my situation.
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/26 03:50 PM
1

Man, I really feel this. I don’t have answers, and I won’t pretend I do. I’m only about 3 months into a physical separation myself and already dealing with lawyers, so I’m very early in this. Some days I’m just trying to get through the next hour. I have so much resentment towards my wife for choosing to blow up the family. What I’m learning so far is that even when you “do everything right,” the pain doesn’t just disappear. Therapy, exercise, work, being a good dad — all of that matters, but it…
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/26 04:41 PM
3

Another good video sir. I have listened to most of them and you talk about the subject in a very logical manner that helps men like me understand why my wife is doing this.
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/26 04:09 PM
0

Yeah, I get what you mean. It definitely feels like there’s a double standard — when men express heartbreak or try to hold onto their marriage, it’s seen as weakness or control, but when women do the same, it’s “finding themselves.” I don’t want to turn bitter (not doing a good job of it), but it’s hard not to feel the hypocrisy sometimes. I’m trying to stay grounded in my faith (even though I am not as devout as her) and keep my dignity, but it’s tough watching everything you believed in being …
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/25 03:27 PM
3

Well said - I have to remember this before I say anything remotely disparaging towards my wife in front of my kids.
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/25 03:07 PM
2

This is what I needed to read early this morning and in total agreement. My wife and her family are very devout Catholics and here I am the one trying to stick to our wedding vows. Meanwhile, she has lost her "feelings" for me and is wanting divorce after a decade of marriage. Or better yet, insisting on taking our kids to Sunday mass while at the same time planning to blow up the family. So hypocritical.
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/25 02:16 PM
2

I heard that same classic line, "I love you but not in love with you" over a year ago. We tried counselling and at the end she still wanted a divorce. Got nit picky at everything I did. Says that I am a great guy and a great father but basically does not love me as a husband anymore. Absolutely gut wrenching. I agree with you on the "signs". She said that she was always mentioning things to me about certain things we had to work on but that I was clueless. I told her that I cannot read her mind …
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/25 02:29 PM
2

I sympathize with you. I feel the same way. I have been talking about my marital problems to close friends, family, therapist, etc. I know they are offering emotional support and advice, but then I wonder how much do they want to really hear from me. There is nothing they can do. Everyone has their own crap to handle and our stories are not unique. I, too, am getting tired talking about it all the time. It is mentally exhausting and I need to change my mindset. Trying to get rid of the victim mi…
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/25 02:24 PM
2

This is exactly what my wife has said to me in the past several months and she now wants to push for a divorce. I have no proof that she is having an affair but it’s possible . I would understand her behaviour more if that were the case.
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/25 12:58 AM
3

Not meant as the bare minimum, just stating some context about my situation.
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/25 01:48 PM
2

I am in the same boat. My wife says that she "wants to let me go" and that she is left alone. She gave me the classic "I love you but not in love with you" line over a year ago. I have been sticking it out thinking that she may change her mind, but I think my presence in the same house (separate rooms) just annoys her more. I am beyond shocked that this is happening to me and feel helpless. It is her feelings that have changed and I cannot control it. I have been a walking zombie for over a year…
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/25 03:13 PM
1

I got the same “I love you but I am not in love with you” over a year ago - I was floored. I still am. We tried counselling and it didn’t work. I continue to fight for the marriage but she is emotionally checked out. We have 2 small kids. Several months ago she mentioned divorce and hasn’t changed her tune. We have already started talking about division of assets and other topics with the lawyer. I’m a walking zombie these days.
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/25 01:48 AM
1

Trying to take it day-by-day but this is mental torture. I never thought I would be in this predicament.
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/25 05:06 PM
1

I am living through this now. My wife is in her early 40's and I do not recognize her anymore. She has asked for a divorce for several months now and only treats me as a roommate. It is mental torture.
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/25 02:33 PM
1

I dread the day that we will have a family meeting to discuss the visitation schedule moving forward. My kids will be devastated.
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/25 01:31 PM
1

I feel for you man. I am in the process of talking about division of assets and child alimony. My wife plans to buy me out of the properties and I am in the process of looking for apartments. What hurts is that we have kids - they will be devastated. My wife is just thinking about herself now. She knows that it will affect the kids but doesn't think it will be a big deal long term as she knows many people from divorced families (who grew up fine). I disagree and feel that we need to fight to sta…
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/25 01:27 PM
1

Is there anything you can do to salvage the marriage? Have you tried everything? Is she willing to work on it?
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/25 01:21 PM
1

This is a nightmare that never seems to end. I have no choice but to face the reality of the situation. It really hurts and I am very disappointed in my wife. I cannot believe we have reached this point in our marriage. I never saw this coming.
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/25 01:20 PM
1

I wish it were that easy. But I am a foreigner living in a small Latin American country and it's generally accepted that the man leaves the home for the stability of the kids, regardless who wants out of the marriage. For my own mental health, I think I should leave but then I think I am just giving up too easy to the demands of my wife. I feel stuck and know that I can't continue this way.
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/25 01:18 PM
4

Downloading it now!
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/25 08:52 PM
1

She has noticed some positive changes in me in the last year but says it is too late for her. I need to accept and face the reality but it is so damn hard to let go. I feel so bad for my children. Like I failed them in keeping the family intact.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/25 08:50 PM
2

Same - him and Buffett.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/25 08:44 PM
1

Actually the lawyer suggested I leave the house back in March. For my own sanity. But I decided to stick it out and we are still in the same house (sleeping in different rooms). The divorce process is a bit different here compared to North America (I assume), and there is an over protection for the mother to stay with their children when it comes to family law. Regardless of who wants to leave the marriage, the court usually sides with the mother. My wife and I are aiming for a "mutual agreement…
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/25 08:41 PM
2

Thank you for this detailed advice—it really opened my eyes. I’ve been so focused on the emotional side of this breakup that I hadn’t fully considered the legal and financial risks of leaving the house too soon. You’re right, my priority has to be protecting my role as a father and making sure I’m not sidelined. We have already spoken with the lawyer so there has been some progress on division of assets. What is left are child visitation rights and child alimony. I appreciate your honesty and th…
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/25 07:01 PM
2

I need to get my power back. I agree. Thanks to everyone on this forum for their advice and support. It means a lot. I just noticed your user handle ID. Jack Bogle was a great man and has helped a lot of investors. I love Vanguard and buy their ETFs regularly.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/25 06:53 PM
1

I plan to do all of what you and other members are saying. Just need to make incremental effort every day. Right now I am in zombie mode. Analyzing our relationship in every aspect and figuring out what I could have done differently. It is a moot point now. I have to accept and move on with my life like everyone has suggested.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/25 06:49 PM
1

Yes, I have to be careful about what I say to my kids. I don't want to talk bad about their mom - and I will have to use all my willpower to not speak ill of her and her decision. We have not had the official talk with them yet, but it will happen soon. I wish it could have been different. But there is no way I want them to feel that it was a mutual decision. I don't know how we will say it, but I will never want my kids to think that their dad ended the marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/25 06:47 PM
2

I definitely learned a lot through this - but I can't help feel powerless. I need to get my power back and I like your suggestion on reframing my guilt. Thanks.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/25 06:44 PM
4

I never thought of it that way before but I see your point. This is definitely her true self after the miscarriage. She even admitted that she changed. If I wrote here all the insensitive comments she has made to me in the last years you guys would be shocked. I could not believe it came from her mouth. I do not know my wife anymore. So sad and unfortunate yet I am still holding on for some miracle. However, the reality is that I cannot stop this freight train and the divorce will proceed.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/25 06:40 PM
1

The 50/50 shared custody is something that I will fight for. Lately, she has been suggesting that I can see them whenever I want but would only have them every other weekend. That does not jive with me. The issue of me not moving out is a difficult one. Culturally, the man leaves the house regardless of who wants to end the marriage. The law here is very protective of the mother and their kids - especially for stability. I will DM you later. Thanks for offering.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/25 06:36 PM
1

Yes, I hear what you are saying. If I was still living in North America, I would have her move out since she is the one who wants to leave the marriage. Where I live now, family law rules on the side of the mother more often than not and it is customary that the man leaves the house even if he is not the one who wants to end the marriage. What I plan is to fight for 50% custody - one week on, and one week off. Many men have suggested I do not move out but in this culture, I might be creating mor…
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/25 06:32 PM
2

Yes, for me LOVE is a feeling, a choice, an action, a commitment, and so much more. My wife is a devout Catholic and for her to suggest divorce is pure hypocrisy while taking my kids to church on Sundays. I might not be as devout but I share the same values. I value that family is important and must stick together through the ups and downs(obviously extreme cases that compromises safety is another story). I believe that my wife and I should be role models of resilience for our kids. Divorce is n…
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/25 02:54 PM
2

Thanks for your response. I’ve always tried to be the best person, father and husband I could be during our marriage. Perhaps I got “too comfortable” and realize now that I wasn’t meeting the emotional needs of my wife. But it was never done intentionally. She knows that but said it’s too late. Hence, my overwhelming sense of guilt that I didn’t see the signs earlier. I’ve asked her that we not look at the past (we can’t go back in time) and how can we forgive, repair and restore our future toge…
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/25 12:44 PM
2

Trying to do this - believe me I am. But man is it ever tough to let go and say goodbye to someone that you thought would be by your side through all the ups and downs. I admit I am in a sense of denial and need to move forward.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/25 12:40 PM
3

There are times I definitely feel that way - but it is hard to let go.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/25 04:09 AM
2

When I think of her friends - a lot of them are going through marital issues and some are already divorced.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/25 03:49 AM
5

If you ask my wife, she says she is not depressed, hormonal, etc and able to completely function with work and other personal relationships. Whatever flaws she tolerated about me in the past is no longer acceptable. She just doesn’t like me anymore as a husband based on emotions. I tell her that love is not only a feeling but also a choice. And I choose to love her (despite this nightmare) and keep fighting for our marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/25 03:38 AM
2

Thanks - for this to pass quickly I’ll need to do a lot self work on all facets of my life. I can’t let this potential divorce break me for the sake of my kids.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/25 03:33 AM
1

For you as well and everyone else on this forum trying to save their marriage. I’d like to think there have been a few marriages saved regardless of how dire it looked at one point.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/25 03:30 AM
2

Thanks for sharing. I was hesitant to write in this forum, but there has been a lot of sound advice. Thank you taking the time to say what you have said - it is appreciated and is helpful.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/25 02:02 AM
3

Thank you for your considerate reply. I agree, I should stay in the house considering that she is the one that wants to leave the marriage. However, I live in a Latin American country where the woman is very protected in these types of situations. I am the foreigner. So, in order to save "traditional and cultural norms" and not make things nastier between us, my lawyer suggested that "I be a man, keep my dignity, and give her what she wants". All your other points are valid and I will try to kee…
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/25 01:55 AM
1

You are right, I have to let her go. Right now, trying to win her back with reasoning and logic is not doing any good. I was not there to meet her emotional needs but she knows that I did not do that out of malice. It is just my personality. I told her that I accepted her for how and who she is. Apparently, she cannot say the same for me anymore.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/25 01:41 AM
2

I dont think I will ever get married again. This has been a wake up call.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/25 01:38 AM
4

That is a valid point and my therapist also shared the same opinion. I think she is criticizing me to validate her decision of divorce. She is scripting her narrative so to speak. I never saw this coming but yet she says that in the past, she talked to me about the things we needed to work on and that I was too obtuse. I told her that I love her the way she is - for her strengths and weaknesses. But it seems that my weaknesses are far greater than my strengths at this point in her eyes. And the …
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/25 01:33 AM
1

That is was some friends and family members say - that she may regret it. But, yeah, she wants to buy me out. She knows this is her decision and probably feels bad a bit about kicking me to the curb. I don't know. But all I know is that all of us here deserve love and respect. Right now, I am not getting that from my wife.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/25 01:27 AM
2

Yes, what I have tried lately has not been working. If anything, I think it gets on her nerves more. So, I need to change my approach and focus on me. If a new and better me peaks her interest again, then maybe I have a shot. In the meantime, I am just going through a wave of emotions and wonder if this nightmare will ever end.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/25 01:24 AM
3

My one friend going through his marital crisis many years ago reached a point of "indifference". Whenever his wife complained, he would just tune her out. After several months of separation, she asked to reconcile. They survived their marriage crisis and I remain hopeful that I can as well.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/25 01:22 AM
2

Many other men that have given me advice (after their divorce) said the same thing. That their lives were better after the divorce. There were years afterwards of grief and despair, but that life got better again. I believe the same could happen to me, but right now I just want my wife back and our family whole. That is my greatest wish.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/25 01:20 AM
1

Yes, we both work and make good incomes. We have a house and a rental property. She has agreed to buy me out.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/25 01:17 AM
1

Yes, the idea of her having someone else has crossed my mind but I have no proof. Other people that know of our situation (friends and family) also doubt she has anyone else. And even if she did, what can be done now? Might as well accept it as best as I can and move on even though I cannot seem to move forward. I feel like a zombie. Trying to be nice to her and hopeful for some sort of reconciliation that realistically will never come. We are already talking about division of assets and child c…
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/25 01:13 AM
2

Trying to be strong for my kids is definitely the only thing I can do right now. I want to enjoy every minute with them. They don't deserve this. I thought we had good family dynamics all these years. This is a gut-punch that has knocked me down. and that I never seen coming. I need to get back up for the sake of my kids and also for myself.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/25 01:11 AM
2

She is in her early 40's and the fact that we lost a 3rd child really screwed her up (i feel). She says she changed after that and is not the same person. So, there could be an element of hormonal imbalance. I wish I knew the secret formula to make this marriage be right again. Even if there was a reconciliation, the marriage will never be the same.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/25 01:08 AM
1

My wife has been critical of many things that I do - very typical of one of the 4 horseman under the Gottman Institute. (criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling). I apologize when she is irritated by me but also mention that she is not perfect in a very calm manner. It is very easy to criticize others and not look at yourself in the mirror. However, lately it seems that I cannot do many things right in her eyes and it is very draining. We do not deserve this but at the same time, I …
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/25 01:03 AM
2

I feel for you and pray that there is a reconciliation. Keep fighting for your marriage if you can - I still hope that mine will turn around. But realize that as much as I want to hope for the best, I also have to plan for the worst.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/25 12:58 AM
2

Thank you for your response. Everything you mention makes a ton of sense. My therapist has suggested all that you have said, including journaling and just focusing on "myself". Working on a new and better version of myself will take time, but I need to do it. If not, I will just spiral into a depressive state. I need to think about my children too. They need to see their father strong and mentally well - I will do my best to not disappoint them.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/25 12:55 AM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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