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desert_fly Archive

View 2 posts and 82 comments by desert_fly on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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–

No, it's just exasperating how many hypocrites are among us. Why does is take being personally affected to open one's eyes? We're humans, capable of abstract thinking. Just use your fucking imagination, people.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/02/24 02:27 PM
–

I disagree. If the plumber is physically attractive and shares my interests, I'd have no problem dating him. Sexy, intellectual plumber sounds pretty perfect. It's not the plumbing that makes the plumber unattractive but that he often grew up with a very different background. If we don't have common topics to talk about, a relationship is going to be difficult. Same reason a rich guy from an old money family wouldn't be a good fit for me.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/02/24 01:55 PM
–

No. A Henry Cavill type of guy could have spent his whole adult life as a priest and would still be very attractive to women.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/02/24 01:30 PM
1

No, but you can open the relationship. It's enough to inform your partner that you won't live celibate, you don't need active consent. It's now on them whether they want to leave or not.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/02/24 11:19 PM
5

Every person uses quick, emotional thinking as well as slower, rational thinking. While emotion based thinking is not the best approach for making fact-based decisions like buying insurance, it's well suited for broader problems, with a myriad of variables and no clear right or wrong. I guess in relationship matters, it's a good idea to first trust your gut feeling, then double check by introspection. If your red pill takeaway makes you become a man that's attractive to many women, where's the p…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/02/24 05:15 PM
9

My guess: this woman wanted to want you and tried to convince herself by "leaning in". But deep down, she wanted to break up. Maybe she only fully realised this after accepting your proposal. I guess the prospect of breaking up with a "good guy" made her feel guilty. By cheating on you, she transferred the responsibility of ending the relationship to you.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/02/24 04:41 PM
13

I disagree. If you're in a TRULY happy relationship, you don't end it because your partner didn't put the dirty dishes in the washer. However, if you feel that it's yet another occasion that your partner diregardes your wishes and well-being, it might be enough to walk away. Death by a thousand cuts.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/02/24 04:17 PM
13

So, we agree? Of course, it's possible that someone isn't able to articulate their desires as they aren't sure themselves and that this leaves their partner guessing. I guess it might be best (certainly most honest) to say: I want to end this relationship because I'm unhappy. Why I'm unhappy, I'm not entirely sure. I just know that I get upset by the stupidest shit you say or do. However, I have doubts this would be received well. Men often try to be "fixers". If you don't offer them the opportu…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/02/24 04:09 PM
17

Because it's not silly/inconsequential for ME. However, it's likely that the relationship isn't as good as it seems and that's why the "silly" issue is bothering so much. So, the "silly problem" is just a symptom of a far more grave issue.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/02/24 03:42 PM
-2

Correct. And it's likely that the woman in question isn't even aware of what she's truly seeking. That e.g. she unconsciously keeps picking abusive partners because that's how her caregivers treated her and that having her negative self-image getting validated is more important than leading a happy relationship.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/02/24 03:37 PM
3

Ignoring facts to feel better is perfectly logical/predictable behaviour for people who lack the resources to change their circumstances. Advisable? No, probably not. Comprehensible? Absolutely!
/r/PurplePillDebate23/02/24 03:30 PM
58

Fully agree. Seeking a certain emotion, or acting on an emotion also isn't "illogical" or "irrational". Breaking up with a partner because you absolutely can't stand a certain trait (anymore), even if it may seem petty to others, e.g. is not illogical/irrational.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/02/24 02:42 PM
2

Falling in love feels like a dance of two. You move around the dance, you push and pull a little to see how the other reacts. It's like tendrils that explore another's brain, looking for a like-minded spirit.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/02/24 02:35 PM
4

No, but men often have the impression. I suggest, you google "walk away wife". The story goes like this: Women often have higher expectations than men of what constitutes a successful marriage. For her, it's not enough to be "safe, warm and fed", she also yearns for an emotional connection. So she complains and asks for more attention and acts of services. (Maybe he also doesn't feel loved enough but, if so, rather experiences this as a lack of sex). The guy is bothered by this behaviour and acc…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/02/24 02:20 PM
–

I think it's a good idea for anyone to do some introspection WHY they want sex. That will be very helpful, especially when in a relationship/looking for a compatible partner. People want sex for all different reasons: physical pleasure, emotional connection, validation (I'm desirable/loveable/a good lover), status, stress release, boredom, as an act of service, peer pressure... I think it's advisable to do some self reflection which of these motivations are at play and if they're actually good f…
/r/PurplePillDebate21/02/24 11:47 AM
–

If men who are mainly after sex no longer approach, that's a win for both of us.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/02/24 11:22 AM
1

Oh, how I wish I could build myself a man how I want 😄
/r/PurplePillDebate20/02/24 09:30 AM
–

About porn: - Lesbian porn centers far more on female pleasure than stereotypical hetero porn, that's why women find it attractive - at least in erotic heterosexual (fan) fiction, the appeal is the changing POV. The reader gets the (unreal) chance to experience the desire of both parties simultaneously. You're basically the desired and the desiring partner at the same time. I think this also applies to lesbian porn. It's not so much that the female viewer desires the actors but that she imagines…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/02/24 10:05 AM
8

Off the baby goes to the subspace rift 😄
/r/PurplePillDebate17/02/24 02:43 PM
1

No, I've got my own income.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/02/24 11:28 AM
–

Also don't mistake correlation for causation. It's likely that more healthy and happy people marry in the first place.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/02/24 07:45 PM
4

Dude, just do that paternity test without telling her for your peace of mind. But if you rub it under her nose, expect your "female" to be miffed. No fault divorce is right, because you can rarely pinpoint who's at fault when a relationship fails. He cheated? Yeah, because she deadbedroomed him, because he didn't help with the kids, because he could never do something right, yadda, yadda, yadda. Nobody profits from public mudslinging.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/02/24 09:34 AM
4

And men accuse women of basing their opinions on those of others... What does it matter if other people find her attractive? The question is if you find her honestly desirable.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/02/24 01:23 AM
–

Agree. I guess I'm among the older demographic here at mid 30ies. What I've learned so far (for me): the number of sexuals partners my SO has had before me isn't really relevant. What is relevant, is his view of love, sex and relationships now. I'm on the lower end of the libido spectrum. A partner who needed sex several times a week to feel loved and attractive wouldn't be a good match. I'd still be wary of a "body count" of zero. If the guy is on the asexual spectrum, perfect. However, if he's…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/02/24 12:24 PM
–

You involve the mother if you tell her. It's like demanding your partner to unlock their phone to go through it. I'm usually all for open communication in a relationship but I think this is one of the rare cases where it does less damage to not tell the mother as telling = accusing of the possibility of cheating.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/02/24 07:22 PM
–

You do you. I fully support you having and voicing your preferences. Everyone should do that. Like others, I've merely pointed out why your preferences won't be well received by many women. But that doesn't really matter, as you only need to find one woman who's on board with them. Edit: Everything in life has a statistical probability: that your partner cheats on you, embezzles money, has committed a crime, has kids he never told you about etc. Now, you can choose to demand proof of innocence f…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/02/24 03:43 PM
–

I'd tell my son the same: 1) Is there any reason for doubting paternity? If there is, what does this say about your relationship? Consider (couples') therapy. 2) If you want to take the test just for your peace of mind although there's no reason to doubt paternity, recognise that this is an irrational fear that has the ability to do a lot of harm. If you feel you must take the test, do so without telling your partner. Don't let her feel your nagging doubt during pregnancy and birth. Proceed as i…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/02/24 02:44 PM
–

Let's say you get your actual baby back but they can't find the swapped baby's parents. Would you be OK raising it? Of course! That poor baby. 😢 I'm curious as to what your response would be if your husband had had an honest conversation with you about wanting to get a paternity test if you got pregnant, before you had sex for the first time. That's difficult. In theory, I'd be understanding. I'd think he was irrational, but that's often the nature of fear. However, I can't really see it working…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/02/24 02:13 PM
–

Just do the test in secret to put your mind at ease. Openly requesting a paternity test DOES imply that you assume your partner might have cheated. It's a natural reaction to feel hurt if there was no basis for this accusation. I think a gender-reversed analogy would be if the wife regularly demanded to see her husband's paycheck to make sure he doesn't shuffle aside money. The baby swap example doesn't work in my eyes. I'd want the maternity test to make sure that I'd not lose my baby. I'm not …
/r/PurplePillDebate04/02/24 01:57 PM
2

Fully agree, OP. I'm not interested in hookups and drugs, but the rest is spot on. The spontaneity, flexibility and fun of this lifestyle is too sweet.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/02/24 11:53 PM
0

Great, so don't settle for women who don't want sex with you.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/02/24 12:12 PM
3

Nice hypothetical but I still don't get the problem. 😅 If he wants a casual relationship, that's it, as I don't do casual. It doesn't bother my in the least what he did or didn't do with other women. And I'm certainly not doubting my self-worth - why would I? I'm looking for a man who WANTS to commit to me, not someone who views it as a trade-off.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/02/24 02:52 AM
1

This kind of thinking just begs for a dead bedroom. Who has no problem waiting for sex - low libido people! Then these men tell themselves that they'll just be so good, they'll awaken her inner slut. 🤦🏻‍♀️
/r/PurplePillDebate02/02/24 10:38 AM
3

Faulty premise. Last time I checked, the families in which women earn more than their men are disproportionately poor. In other words: she has a low income job, he none. Of course, these families struggle a lot. I think that in middle/upper class families, this effect nearly disappears. So, the problem is not women outearning their men but being poor (as so often, like in the case of single mothers).
/r/PurplePillDebate30/01/24 10:47 AM
–

I love OPs dedication and scientific curiosity. What I'd like to know: how did the single people compare? If they're of comparable height and attractiveness, the whole population seems to be rather tall (more likely than the explanation of small and ugly people hiding at home). In general, I'd like to know how men rate men's attractiveness. Do you agree with women's perception that only 20% of you is attractive?
/r/PurplePillDebate26/01/24 01:34 PM
–

Kind of wholesome to see how similar the actual desired traits are: be attractive, fun and have relatable interests. That sounds achievable to work on. And even if you don't find a partner, being attractive, interesting and fun will help you in all kinds of social situations.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/01/24 11:39 AM
–

I think this supports OPs point. While all these issues are valid, men (especially in subs like these) aren't really campaigning against them. These injustices are only brought up as whataboutisms when women talk about their experiences of discrimination. What really seems to bother men (again, especially on subs like these) is that women don't desire them as they want to be desired. The issue is: no policy will change that, no changes to alimony, not rolling back no-fault divorce etc. (I mentio…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/01/24 11:24 AM
1

I've got no intention to settle. If I'm not attracted to the whole package, I don't want him. I'm rather single than with a partner I'm not attracted to.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/01/24 11:57 PM
1

Attractive confidence is when people know who they are, i.e. realistic self assessment, accepting of one own's shortcomings and strengths, having goals in life. Attractive confidence isn't domineering and doesn't require being better than others.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/01/24 11:51 PM
1

I don't view their dating preferences as malicious, I just can't relate to them. I'm simply not interested in men looking for a traditionally minded woman as I'm not one myself. Some preferences I find amusing. If you're a physically unattractive, poor man looking for a super model - good luck!
/r/PurplePillDebate17/01/24 11:38 PM
1

Depends. If I'm compromising my earning potential for the sake of the relationship/family by changing jobs, cutting hours, foregoing promotions etc. I require financial compensation. Marriage with a prenup is the obvious choice. If I don't change my professional aspirations to accommodate my partner and we don't have kids, I wouldn't want to get married myself. Because, why the hassle?
/r/PurplePillDebate17/01/24 11:18 PM
2

Equally important but for different reasons. Men seem to be willing to put up with lots of shit as long as the woman is attractive enough/has sex with him. Women need men to meet a threshold regarding several different criteria. If he's not attractive enough, his personality not interesting enough etc., he's out. There also seems to be a difference regarding what constitutes a "good personality". For women, the bar is low: be agreeable, sexually available, laugh at his jokes.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/01/24 10:27 PM
6

Since I train for aesthetics (and health) only, I wouldn't give a damn. It feels far more unfair that the 15 year old gets to eat 1000 calories more per day.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/01/24 10:11 AM
2

Fascinating insight, thank you for taking the time!
/r/PurplePillDebate14/01/24 08:41 PM
1

What do you mean by "I was speaking about the feeling, not the actions taken" if you agree that love shouldn't be self-harming?
/r/PurplePillDebate14/01/24 07:26 PM
2

I had feared that you'd draw the comparison to that of a parent-child relationship. Thank you though for the clarification. If this is how men want to be loved, then I agree that you'll be disappointed by women. And rightly so, I would add. I don't think that this kind of love is healthy in a romantic relationship as it requires the other person to sacrifice their well-being. How is it love to ask that of someone? In my opinion, the only valid understanding of "unconditional love" in romantic re…
/r/PurplePillDebate14/01/24 05:35 PM
3

No. I think most men feel so flattered by a woman showing interest in them that they don't react in a truly negative way (shaming, ignoring, making fun of). As a side note: I agree with all people who say that you should reject someone politely if they asked you politely. A nice rejection like "I have a girlfriend" would not make me feel bad, but I also don't have a negative self image. There are plenty of fish and many reasons why someone might not be open for a relationship with me, that's not…
/r/PurplePillDebate14/01/24 05:13 PM
11

Mmh, this seems to be such an US thing. I'm from western Europe where splitting the bill is the default. And at least as long as there are no kids, most people don't have a problem with doing 50-50. Concerning this sub, I have the impression that also the men aren't really interested in egalitarian relationships. Every time the "What do you bring to the table" discussion comes up, men advertise themselves by stating values such as "stable job, good income, providing security". The same values th…
/r/PurplePillDebate14/01/24 04:59 PM
5

I'd say Jane Austen has been popular for such a long time for a reason. 😄 Attractive people, batteling with their emotions ("pride and prejudice") and lots of beautifully deep and connecting conversation (to really "get" the other person) is at the core of each good romance novel. Then, after 50 or 150 pages of struggling with their feelings, they finally succumb to their desire and it all culminates in a great sex scene with lots of sensual kissing and touching, kinky stuff not precluded. This …
/r/PurplePillDebate14/01/24 04:10 PM
2

I'm not really familiar with Anime. Do you have an example where this trope is especially explicit?
/r/PurplePillDebate14/01/24 03:35 PM
2

I think I get this - to a certain degree. I mean (most) women hope that their male partner would still love them, even if they had a disfiguring accident. And I can understand it's the same for men and their resources/provisional capabilities. They hope that their woman will still love them, even if they lost everything to bankruptcy. The problem I have with this "unconditional love" approach in romantic relationships is this: what is this "self" you want to be loved for, if everything that defi…
/r/PurplePillDebate14/01/24 03:33 PM
2

I had expected this answer but didn't mention it as I didn't want to influence replies. I'm not against porn, but in 97% of cases (mainstream porn) I just don't get the appeal. 🤷🏻‍♀️ The (over)acting is annoyingly fake. Nobody looks like they're truly enjoying themselves, the actors might as well be stocking shelves. There's little resembling true intimacy or desire, sensual touch or kissing is super rare (the sloppy open mouthed saliva exchanges I don't count). And then, there's also no context…
/r/PurplePillDebate14/01/24 03:14 PM
8

Pierce Brosnan as James Bond definitely is also a fantasy of mine 😄 The original Rocky movie is still on my watch list.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/01/24 12:56 PM
7

As long as these thoughts aren't eating you up from the inside and thus have the potential to fuck up your relationship/life, I see no problem. It's a fantasy - indulge it, wank to it, put it into a box.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/01/24 11:59 AM
5

Less contraception equals less sex, more abortions and more unwanted children. Women don't use contraception only for casual sex but it's even more important in commited relationships if you don't want a baby every other year.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/01/24 11:42 AM
11

Grass often seems greener on the other side, that's just life. The only important question is if you're happy with the life you have. I'd also recommend a different approach to this question/life: don't ask what you can get but who you want to be. Do you really want to be a man luring women into sex by giving false hope? Probably creating further fatherless children on your way?
/r/PurplePillDebate14/01/24 11:19 AM
–

You can't waive the rights of a third party (the child). The child support belongs to the child.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/01/24 05:42 PM
–

But it's a thin line, wouldn't you agree? It depends on how much a partner is willing to put up with.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/01/24 11:56 AM
–

Sounds good
/r/PurplePillDebate07/01/24 11:29 AM
1

I think a relatively small age gap (up to ten years), with the man being older, is often a good match for heterosexual couples who want children. Women seem to often feel ready for kids in their mid/late twenties, while it's a good few years later for men. Even without a desire to have kids, I wouldn't want to date a much older man (> 10 years), as it will likely result in a caregiver situation. I don't want to be a fit 60 year old (realistically: still working) with a 80 year old partner.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/01/24 10:54 AM
2

Nobody is strung along, people choose to be in a situationship. Judge people by their actions, not their words. If you don't like the relationship you're in and the direction it's taking, end it.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/01/24 11:56 AM
–

Tell me you're in the US, without telling me you're in the US 😄
/r/PurplePillDebate03/01/24 12:09 PM
5

This issue reeks of insecurity. A person is who they are, not least because of their past experiences. I'm not losing any sleep over the question what they did for a prior partner but aren't willing to do anymore. People change. If I like the status quo, they're dating material.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/01/24 09:22 PM
2

Spending lots of time with a person I dislike just to extract sex from time to time sounds like a miserable experience - for both parties involved. Honest question: if you are only interested in women for sex, wouldn't it be a better option for you to just regularly visit a prostitute?
/r/PurplePillDebate20/12/23 11:48 AM
2

Of course they can. They just didn’t seem to want to drink a lot.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/12/23 02:47 PM
-2

Went to a party thrown by art students last weekend, that was 90% female (the guys were probably either gay or much younger than me). I've never felt better dancing. It was amazing that there was zero sexual context. I didn't have to worry about my dance moves and went bolder than ever before. Would such an event be a commercial success? Probably not, since not a lot of (alcoholic) drinks were consumed that night. Doesn't mean that there's no demand for such an event. Regarding the attention asp…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/12/23 02:39 PM
37

I'm not interested in dating men who don't want to date me. You do you. I wish everyone was as upfront with their preferences as possible. If you're not compatible, it's best to find out as soon as possible. No hard feelings if no bond was established.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/12/23 02:10 PM
3

It's the fear of losing autonomy. I can only recommend looking into attachment theory. At least for me, it explained so much about (romantic) relationships. There are some helpful subs here on Reddit (one overarching, as well as those for the different types). Not sure about future relationships. Only if I find a super compatible partner.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/12/23 11:24 PM
3

The number of guys I find attractive personality wise AND sexually desirable is infinitesimal. But I also have an dismissive attachment style, so it's easy to find fault within a partner when things get uncomfortable aka too close. I could work on that - or just spare myself the hassle and don't date at all. Since I also have some major hang-ups about sex, that might be for the better. While I miss someone holding me close, investing in other social relationships (friends, family) and hobbies is…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/12/23 10:20 PM
5

Forced to work. I'll likely lose desire for my job and my man. First one is easier to change.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/12/23 09:27 PM
1

Hugging me tight, eventually muffling in my hair: "Tell me about it" Bonus points for cupping my face with his hands, deeply looking into my eyes.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/12/23 09:07 PM
2

Wittyness is a good indicator of intelligence, social competence and communication skills - all three highly desirable traits in a man. Plus: flirty banter is fun.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/12/23 11:27 AM
2

I think most people are unconsciously drawn to a partner who's on a similar maturity level as them.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/12/23 12:15 AM
1

Fair point, thanks for the effort!
/r/PurplePillDebate01/12/23 12:06 AM
1

Did you read the second study? Because, the authors findings are completly different from what you state. They write that in the Nordic model (which outlaws prostitution to a great extent), socioeconomically disadvanted women marry more often (instead of choosing prostitution), as the conditions for prostitution are less attractive. This means that in a prostitution positive society, poor women rather prostitute themselves to undesirable men than marrying them.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/11/23 03:06 PM
5

If that's true, it makes me even more in favour of prostitution. Purchasable sex that filters out all men who only want sex - fantastic!
/r/PurplePillDebate30/11/23 02:33 PM
3

I think it is because most European countries are more socialist. If childcare costs a fortune, he'd better be making six figures.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/11/23 03:47 PM
1

You're not abnormal, but most people, especially men, put a lot of value on sex. I would be upfront about being ace.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/11/23 08:15 PM
2

Most women don't want to commit to anyone in their 20ies - be it a "Chad" or a "beta". Having fun is just more attractive than playing house. And why should they? According to the red/black pill, they won't get permanent commitment from "Chads" anyway. So why shouldn't they have fun, if even for a while, if they have to eventually settle or stay single anyway?
/r/AllPillDebate10/11/23 07:44 PM
3

I don't get the American thing of paying for your date's meal. It just creates unjustified expectations on both sides and is therefore detrimental. With developed social skills, you should be able to spend an interesting evening with anyone. I'd suggest: Don't go into the date with the thought "will they be a match?" Instead, keep an open mind and be curious about the person in front of you. We can learn something from anyone and if it's only how we never want to be. View your dates (and basical…
/r/AllPillDebate06/11/23 01:56 PM
2

It's not delusion though if the women are totally fine with remaining single if they can't get what they want regarding men. 🤷
/r/AllPillDebate04/11/23 04:41 PM
2

Being tied to a specific city/small area is a no-go for me, so B is out.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/10/23 10:00 AM
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