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destinationjourney Archive

View 2 posts and 61 comments by destinationjourney on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
13

DISCUSSIONdestinationjourney/r/RedPillWomen22/05/17 11:31 AM
6

PARENTINGdestinationjourney/r/RedPillWomen25/04/17 10:28 PM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
2

I agree converting to dollars isn't a good idea. I don't really like the tally system in general. The system sounds like a great idea to better appreciate your spouse's contributions if you're not seeing them, but otherwise it sounds like it could easily slip into resentment or a competition.
/r/RedPillWomen29/05/17 02:30 PM
2

What a good point you bring up. My parents could afford a home and a family on only one salary when they were really young. I can't imagine many couples being able to afford that today.
/r/RedPillWomen28/05/17 02:52 PM
2

Long distance relationships really are a hassle. There's a reason there's that common saying that they never work. I don't want to scare you off, but think long and hard about if this guy is worth it. Think hard about a future with him and if you're right for each other. Consider the difference in countries and whether one of you would be happy living in the others' country for the rest of your life. If you're both on the same page about the steps you'd have to take to make this work long-term, …
/r/RedPillWomen27/05/17 08:37 PM
8

I'm so sorry about your ectopic pregnancy. I had a friend go through the same thing. She had these issues at 26 and went through a lot of the same thoughts - what have I done wrong?? It worked out in the end for her, but it was a stressful time! I'm sending you all the good luck wishes that it works out for you, too! Regarding having kids late - so many of my friends are in the same boat. I think it's mostly ignorance. I worked in pre-pregnancy and lots of women were shocked to find out that aft…
/r/RedPillWomen27/05/17 06:50 PM
4

The question isn't whether he loves you, it's whether you will be happy with him if love is all he is willing to give. If you want marriage and he doesn't, all the love in the world won't change that.
/r/RedPillWomen25/05/17 07:28 PM
2

You can't force anyone to do anything they don't want to do, of course, so if he's not quite open to seeing a therapist, that could definitely help encourage him. If nothing else, you could talk to a therapist about how better to support and listen to your partner.
/r/RedPillWomen25/05/17 07:21 PM
2

It sounds like he just wants you to talk it out with him. He probably doesn't have anyone else he can open up to about this and wants reassurance from you. Does it feel like he wants you to talk back or does he just need a supportive listener? But if he's looking for answers and it's really bothering him, would he be open to seeing a therapist? 4-5 years is a long time to hold onto something and blame himself for.
/r/RedPillWomen24/05/17 09:38 PM
1

This is a pretty good example of women and men just having competing interests. There's nothing wrong with men wanting to get into bed with women sooner rather than later, but of course women, like men, are going to be looking out for their own interests first, which in RPW means getting commitment, not just sex.
/r/RedPillWomen24/05/17 09:29 PM
3

Sometimes you are going to have to take the reigns. But it'll probably help us help you if you explained exactly what situations make you unsure. You mention you used to seize control during a feminist bout, was that different to taking the reigns now? Edited to add - about your career differences: The best trick I know is to let him teach you things. It doesn't really matter what, but every now and then let him teach you. Make sure to listen, be attentive and show interest when he's teaching or…
/r/RedPillWomen24/05/17 08:56 AM
7

The honeymoon stage is a good point you bring up. It obfuscates potential incompatibilities/red-flags in general for both sexes. Rose-tinted glasses and all that. Which is why getting the opinion of trusted friends/parents is so valuable. Friends like that are in shorter supply these days.
/r/RedPillWomen23/05/17 06:20 PM
3

Thanks for the insight. The bigger worry for (especially) RPW is not so much about being labelled a slut if they have sex too early, but rather about whether the man wants more than just sex from her. You give some good advice on that - generally if a man is making an effort, he's open to more than just sex.
/r/RedPillWomen23/05/17 05:25 PM
8

So call him! Aren't you excited to chat to a guy you presumably like? Are you nervous about calling him? Then just text him instead.
/r/RedPillWomen23/05/17 04:53 PM
6

The best advice is to work on yourself. That's what RPW preaches. Don't dread him, he's your husband. Put some effort in on your side and you're more likely to elicit a positive response from him. Are you putting effort into your appearance? Are you happy and pleasant around him, are you making him feel good? How about trying to spice things up by trying things in the bedroom that you know he likes? Try being more playful around him and organise fun things for you to do together. If you're both …
/r/RedPillWomen23/05/17 04:25 PM
4

I'm completely baffled by the responses here. Just call or text him! A man giving a woman his number is not a red-flag, stop overthinking this! You'll know if his intentions are good or bad once you get to know him more. A man isn't leading because HE gave you his number? He's the one escalating things, that IS leading. I really don't understand how a man (that you're presumably interested in) showing interest in you is a turn-off.
/r/RedPillWomen23/05/17 04:14 PM
9

What? A man giving a woman his number is not a red-flag and if by "shits all the work on her" you mean she has to text saying hello, you're in for a surprise because relationships require a lot more work than a simple text to keep alive and happy.
/r/RedPillWomen23/05/17 04:07 PM
11

While the bonding for women occurs mainly after sex, the bonding for men occurs mainly before sex. This is interesting. Do men generally know before they've had sex with a women if they're relationship material, considering sexual compatibility is likely more important to men than women? And isn't it possible that a man's eagerness to have sex for the first time with a woman might blind him to the why nots as well? I agree that waiting to have sex during the vetting process is a good idea, thoug…
/r/RedPillWomen23/05/17 03:59 PM
1

I definitely understand that from a man's perspective you have to disregard boundaries in the sense that you have to escalate. Most men and women understand this little dance. That's not the same as disregarding boundaries in a disrespecful sense, for e.g. she says I don't like X and the man does it anyway, not necessarily caring what she wants. I mentioned in another comment that I should probably have phrased it as a "not now/not yet" instead of a "soft no" which explains it better. I'm guessi…
/r/RedPillWomen22/05/17 08:56 PM
2

That makes sense. I meant that I would call you saying no to sex too early a "soft no" but maybe it's better to call it a "not yet/not now" which doesn't shut it down in the way a hard no does. Saying no to play games isn't something I was including in that.
/r/RedPillWomen22/05/17 08:43 PM
1

I remember this being brought up before and someone mentioned Taylor Swift. By all accounts her n-count is high, but otherwise she comes across as an innocent, classy girl.
/r/RedPillWomen22/05/17 06:15 PM
4

I love your comments on this sub. This is all so spot on.
/r/RedPillWomen22/05/17 06:12 PM
1

It's not even the tinder/casual sex culture, but how long are women supposed to wait before sleeping with men they're dating? Even with good vetting skills, there are some incompatibilities you just won't find out about in the first few months of dating someone.
/r/RedPillWomen22/05/17 05:58 PM
4

Yes what does "monogamous FWB" even mean?? Isn't that what a relationship is - exlusive, friendship, sex? Except with the option of leaving easily.
/r/RedPillWomen22/05/17 05:45 PM
1

I swear the more I read your comments, the more I want to read a book about your crazy life. Edit: I meant it affectionately :(
/r/RedPillWomen22/05/17 05:41 PM
2

Hates his Mom or Co-dependent Mama's boy Definitely agree. Addiction What about former addicts? Would the risk of relapse deter you?
/r/RedPillWomen22/05/17 05:29 PM
1

Disregard for boundaries is not the same as a soft no, which is important to most women. A guy that will pursue and is a bit aggressive is good, a guy that disregards boundaries is not. OP was obviously saying the latter is a dealbreaker.
/r/RedPillWomen22/05/17 05:25 PM
2

Most men are not Brad Pitt or George Clooney, and thinking the average girl out there has to be as accomplished as the women celebrity-men date is completely out-of-touch.
/r/RedPillWomen22/05/17 11:29 AM
4

I think this heavily depends on where you live. I've never seen this being a problem in my/friends' experiences. As long as you don't have financial red-flags (reckless spending habits, lazy, no steady income, irresponsible debt, etc.) men aren't going to overlook a pleasant, hot young woman because she doesn't earn as much as he does. Especially since a lot of relationship dynamics trend toward the man being older and earning more, even if they're in the same field (also not the norm).
/r/RedPillWomen21/05/17 09:45 PM
3

I'm excited for you, this sub is a treasure trove :) Men and women are just different, and it's kind of a relief to realise that.
/r/RedPillWomen21/05/17 09:39 PM
4

No, you're 24 not 40! Don't confuse what YOU find attractive in men with what they find attractive in women. It's good to be in a sound financial position and to pursue a career you like for YOUR sake, but this isn't inherently going to be important to men as it probably is to you (which is perfectly okay). Looking after your appearance, being pleasant, loyal and respectful will all be more important.
/r/RedPillWomen21/05/17 09:34 PM
3

I was referring more to the word rape legally expanding to include things that shouldn't be counted as such, which, sadly, includes cases like drunken sex.
/r/RedPillWomen21/05/17 09:27 PM
11

I wish I could upvote this a thousand times. OP stop wasting time overlooking potentially great men because you think you need to advance in your career first. Your youth is your best asset here, not your career. Take advantage!
/r/RedPillWomen21/05/17 03:00 PM
2

I've met people with your kind of dynamic and their relationship seemed great! They'd often call each other really horrible names but once you got to know them you saw the humour and affection in it and couldn't help but laugh. It's not disrespectful if neither of you see it that way.
/r/RedPillWomen21/05/17 02:54 PM
3

This is crazy! It's as bad as using the word rape when they regret a drunken one-night stand. It's just diluting the meaning of these words.
/r/RedPillWomen21/05/17 02:49 PM
1

Don't know why you're getting downvoted,pretty much everything you said is true. I agree that these aren't the actions of a man committed to a forever relationship. But two years isn't a short amount of time. They should have sorted this stuff out a long time ago.
/r/RedPillWomen21/05/17 01:39 PM
9

I know it's generally RPW advice to wait before having sex, but not that long. Most men (including the good ones) are not going to wait 6 months before having sex.
/r/RedPillWomen20/05/17 07:23 PM
6

You should absolutely work on your self-esteem. Not for your boyfriend, for you. We can't give our partners 100% if we have our own issues. In a lot of these cases, the women have issues with jealousy and are insecure for no valid reason. You very likely have issues with this naturally that you have to work on. That said, your boyfriend's behaviour really gives me pause. Not shutting down "heavy flirting" is not okay, especially considering this girl knew he was in a relationship. In a work envi…
/r/RedPillWomen20/05/17 07:14 PM
3

I don't have any real insight, but I wanted to say I'm sorry you had two bad experiences in a row. That really sucks. I would suggest not keeping in contact with exes though (as you did with Jack). It seems dating for long-term, especially when you/the men are young, is a bit more difficult in bigger cities. Jack seems to have his own issues, judging by his mental health struggles and his inappropriate message, but it sounds like (if everything you wrote about yourself is true) Alex either just …
/r/RedPillWomen20/05/17 07:04 PM
12

I agree with the others that you need to relax, especially about the specific 'grumpy' incident; don't mention it. But from your comments, some of this just sounds really strange. Why did he not shut down the "heavy" flirting from the girl leaving suggestive notes on his desk? Snooping is not good for you or the relationship and respecting privacy is important. But it sounds odd that he's messaging girls who flirt with him, protesting when asked to cut contact with a girl he recognizes flirts wi…
/r/RedPillWomen20/05/17 06:40 PM
6

The point that you're missing is that you can't micromanage another person. And it sounds exhausting for OP to do.
/r/RedPillWomen04/05/17 10:47 PM
5

An ultimatum will at best get him to change his habits for a while. If he's not internally motivated to do it himself, the changes won't last, even if something important like his relationship is at stake. Hell, obese people hear their doctors telling them their lives are at stake and don't change. I agree he's probably not the best life partner though if this is important to OP. I don't see how a relationship can last if you're not sexually attracted in the long run.
/r/RedPillWomen04/05/17 10:43 PM
7

I agree that if she's not happy with his weight, she should definitely consider if he's the right partner. But I don't get the advice to have a frank conversation. You don't think her yelling at swearing at him about his food choices got the message across? He knows he's overweight. She needs to back the hell off and if he doesn't change, so be it - she can leave.
/r/RedPillWomen04/05/17 09:48 PM
19

I dated someone like this and I felt all the same frustrations. He was aslo in better shape when we got together, and let himself go. I was always fit so it was difficult to relate. I got especially upset at his complaints related to being overweight, then seeing him do things that would not help the issue. It affected my attraction, and I was frustrated that I couldn't do anything about it. So I get it. That said, WOW do you need to get your shit together. No matter how angry you are about this…
/r/RedPillWomen04/05/17 07:42 PM
4

I love these because they're all so simple and give you an immediate sense of satisfaction.
/r/RedPillWomen02/05/17 08:47 PM
2

Yes! This is a hard one!
/r/RedPillWomen02/05/17 08:45 PM
1

I agree with seriously considering therapy. I obviously don't know your exact circumstances but I suspect it's very difficult for you to relax and trust your boyfriend even if he's shown himself to be trustworthy because of your past (moreso because of your parents). Part of the problem of trying to work through this yourself is that you may just put walls up and not let yourself be vulnerable with your partner (because that's a way to protect yourself just in case) and critically, you may not a…
/r/RedPillWomen29/04/17 03:28 PM
2

There's a blog called The Rules Revisited and I found a youtuber called Amy Young through him. She actually has a great video about meeting men. High-quality men are all around, but you're still going to meet men you're incompatible with while you're looking. Be a bit proactive and you'll find a great man! :)
/r/RedPillWomen29/04/17 03:05 PM
8

If more women realised career ambitions weren't the be-all end-all of being happy, the world really would be a more cheerful place! It's funny we ascribe so much importance to it and at the same time, my girlfriends are always more excited to talk about relationship stuff than job stuff.
/r/RedPillWomen29/04/17 01:16 AM
3

Ha! Between you and /u/Willow-girl I'm going to end up on a farm with a dozen furballs.
/r/RedPillWomen26/04/17 08:54 PM
1

Your advice has been really helpful! I will definitely spend more time around children and this will be one of the first steps I take in the timeline I'll create. Having some direction and something actionable (instead of just mulling this over) is so helpful, thank you!
/r/RedPillWomen26/04/17 08:50 PM
2

Okay ma'am, you're free to go. This sounds like a great setup, I love gardening and furkids. Thanks for the insight!
/r/RedPillWomen26/04/17 08:44 PM
1

I'm sorry about your miscarriage and ectopic pregnancy, that's hard to go through. I used to work with pre- and post-natal women and complications on the road to getting pregnant were never easy. I hope you find some optimism again <3 You're right to give my husband an opportunity, of course. I just wanted to be careful in showing that even though it would be great to have a family with him, I would never guilt or manipulate him into it.
/r/RedPillWomen26/04/17 05:57 PM
1

I don't think anyone can know how hard being a parent is until they experience it. But a lot of things in life are hard and still rewarding. In an idealised world there would be no downsides to anything we enjoyed.
/r/RedPillWomen26/04/17 04:10 PM
1

Thanks and you're right in that I should talk to him. Honestly I was/am hoping this is just a phase and it goes away. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't worried about what would happen if I opened this topic up. I can see the definite pros, but I grew up helping raise a bunch of siblings so I'm also very aware of the challenges. Can definitely relate there. Probably part of why I didn't think children were for me.
/r/RedPillWomen26/04/17 03:57 PM
2

It seems like motherhood is often presented as one of two extremes: romantisized or sacrificial like your example. How did/does life look for you with no children? Do you have lots of family and friends or travel a lot? Do you prefer the solitude of a quieter house and life? Did you ever have any doubts about your decision that you overcame? I hope this doesn't sound too much like an interrogation :)
/r/RedPillWomen26/04/17 03:53 PM
2

Don't just think about the next five years but about the next twenty or thirty. Thanks, this is definitely something to keep in mind. It's difficult to imagine because life would be so different to how I have been picturing the future up until now.
/r/RedPillWomen26/04/17 11:18 AM
3

Thanks for this, I appreciate the wishes!
/r/RedPillWomen26/04/17 11:05 AM
2

you fucked up... you should never have compromised on that. Yeah that's been my thought, too. Though I didn't intentionally compromise on having kids. I remember feeling confident about my answer when my husband asked my opinion on kids all those years ago. But that doesn't change the position I'm in now. Thanks for the detailed reply. I'm definitely not going to try changing my husband's mind - that seems a sure road to resentment and an unhealthy marriage. I can't picture my life without my hu…
/r/RedPillWomen26/04/17 11:04 AM
1

Thanks for this! I can relate to all of this: fear of missing out on a normal human experience, being on the fence about children and having been childfree not because I hate children. But I think you need to make a list of pros and cons for having/not having kids. This is something I've done years ago and honestly not much has changed. The only difference now is that I see the sacrifice and work of children as probably worth the reward of raising children. But I think I'll make a new list and g…
/r/RedPillWomen26/04/17 10:49 AM
2

And TIL I'm a cool girlfriend (sorry, I'm easily amused). We would have been besties! Honestly, this has come on quite gradually for me, it wasn't a sudden realisation so I'm still working through how "strongly" I want children. It's been really nice to hear how normal this feeling/conflict is, so that's a comfort, if nothing else.
/r/RedPillWomen26/04/17 10:39 AM
2

Thanks for the reply. It's definitely true - you can't know what the future holds. If we learn anything in life, it's definitely that you can't control or plan for everything to go a certain way.
/r/RedPillWomen26/04/17 10:35 AM
1

Or are babies just cute? This is something I've thought about as well. I haven't had enough time to process everything yet, but overall I think the draw is having a family, not just children (I hope that makes sense).
/r/RedPillWomen26/04/17 10:34 AM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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