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devastated_dad Archive

View 1 post and 16 comments by devastated_dad on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
11

devastated_dad/r/Divorce_Men01/03/20 03:48 PM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
1

Wait…she has legal representation and you don’t? You should fix that ASAP. Find out from an attorney if the “self-incriminating” thing actually carries any weight or is just a bluff. Get an unbiased expert opinion of what’s fair and what to expect if this went all the way to court. Only then can you know what trade offs you’re willing to accept.
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/21 09:15 PM
5

Everyone’s needs and circumstances are different, but make a list of things you care about before you go in. For me the following topics were relevant: 1. Understanding separate vs community property and expectations around division 2. Child support 3. Spousal maintenance / alimony 4. Overall process & expected timelines 5. Attorneys stance: aggressive or less confrontational 6. How they charge - retainer, billing increments, do you keep any retainer balance at the end 7. Their gut take on level…
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/20 06:45 PM
4

My wife asked for quasi-separation in March, and after I got over the initial shock of it all, I decided that living separately and putting myself out in new social situations with new people was what I truly needed. A week later we're in quarantine and we've just fully paused everything about the marriage. My big fear is exactly what you've said here - that I will require real social interaction in order to heal and find new happiness, but will be unable to do so because COVID. So I haven't for…
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/20 02:31 PM
2

I'm 8 weeks in now. 8 weeks of "I'm not sure I want to work on this". 8 weeks of me doing everything I can, only to be told at each turn she could see that I was trying but that my trying was off-putting. Yesterday she asked for a trial separation. I was devastated, but what can you do. I spent the last 24 hours working through various stages of grief, finally arriving at some peace with the idea. At least I had an answer and could start planning. I came home while the kids weren't here so we co…
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/20 08:43 PM
1

A day later I find myself really gravitating to your comment. Even if she won't work on it, I'm not ready to walk away. Everyone else I know says that's insane, that I'd just be torturing myself. And it might be torture. I don't know how long I could take it. But if I try it and we still can't make progress or the progress is too slow, I can leave on my own terms at any time. If I keep trying to convince her to put in the effort knowing that she can't, she's clearly just going to end it in order…
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/20 01:07 AM
1

Thank you. I will need to come back and re-read this. I'm really struggling with recognizing that the emotions are temporary. I feel such a strong sense of impending doom. I'm terrified. My adrenaline is pumping constantly, and my mind is spinning. But then I end up distracted for a bit. Whether it's work, spending time with a friend, or at the gym and for a few minutes I feel relief. I know that whatever the outcome I will start to have more of those moments, and will eventually get to the poin…
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/20 01:02 AM
1

I believe you. Between work, kids, and my constant fight-or-flight emotions I'm having trouble getting too many other things done. I decided to tackle a few specific things first: therapy (obviously), gym, reconnecting with friends, seeking consult with divorce attorneys just in case. I'm going to rely on friends to hopefully find some new experiences for now. Do you have any book recommendations?
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/20 12:57 AM
1

Gotcha. That's how I imagine separation will be for me as well. But everyone else keeps talking about it as a potential path to reconciliation. I just don't see how that's possible, at least for us. She says she doesn't feel a connection, and so isn't motivated to work on us. It's a catch-22 - how can she feel a connection if she won't spend time with me. And so separation feels like formalizing the notion that we cannot/will not establish a connection.
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/20 10:30 PM
3

I'm going to DM you, but I wanted to also reply here for visibility. I tried to post in relationships earlier and automoderater kept killing my posts for various reasons, I nearly gave up before posting here. But a wonderful woman from Ireland happened to see my post the moment before it got removed and we've been chatting all day. I've gotten so much support already today from total strangers, anonymously on the internet. I don't want to say nobody will judge you - there are lots of assholes he…
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/20 10:13 PM
2

Oh man. I'm sorry. It sounds like we're in pretty much the same place. Have you guys talked about what separation actually looks like, day to day? Living in the same house in separate rooms? One of you in an apartment?
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/20 10:07 PM
2

Thank you for that perspective. To clarify, she is only willing to work on herself. She doesn't want to work on our relationship or rebuilding a connection with me. ​ I know that it seems like you are setting yourself up to die two deaths, but if you love your wife, you'll have regretted walking away if there was any chance. That is exactly how I feel...and everyone I talk to tells me that's just torturing myself. That's where I'm stuck. I don't know how long to live there. And I know it will be…
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/20 06:33 PM
1

What? I don't know what those acronyms mean.
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/20 06:16 PM
3

You're right. That's all I want, too. The thought of losing my wife is one thing, but losing the family concept is another. I expect 50/50 custody of kids, and I know they love me, and I know they'll be resilient. But I just feel like everything is being violently ripped apart. My entire identity. The kids' identity...their sense of safety, and home, and love. The thought of having to tell the kids and empathizing with what they will feel is just unbearable. I'd do just about anything to spare t…
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/20 06:16 PM
2

Ugh. New boyfriend and not yet divorced? I'm sorry man. I'd feel so angry, insecure, and betrayed. But at the same time I almost wish I had something that was a deal-breaker for me which would push me out of limbo and into a state where I unquestioningly wanted to move towards separation. That probably would be worse for me in the long run, but better in this moment.
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/20 04:30 PM
3

Career is in good shape. I'm extremely lucky to be in a position where I can pour all of myself into the job if I want, but I'm also being given the trust and flexibility to take random time off and put in less than 100% (at least for a while) without being judged (I've discussed this with my leadership team). Hobbies are something I need. I don't really have any.
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/20 04:21 PM
2

I agree wholeheartedly on the resolution to roommates. I'd feel better if we tried to rekindle things and failed, but she just. won't. try. How can she just throw all this away so flippantly? We both hurt each other along the way - caring and not caring at different times. For me, her asking for therapy showed me a path to fix things and I want to race down that path as fast as possible. She seems to have taken one step down that path and just turned around to walk the other way. One thing I'm s…
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/20 04:13 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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