divorcery Archive

Upvotes	Title	Category	Author	Subreddit	Date (UTC)

Upvotes	Comment on	Subreddit	Date (UTC)
2	Anyone had success countering the 'silver bullet' strategy? This is good advice.	/r/Divorce_Men	26/07/26 12:51 AM
2	I don't love my wife of 8 years any more This post starts off mentioning that a five-year-old kid is involved, then never mentions the kid again. So if the post is real, and knowing nothing other than what's in the post, then for the benefit of the child, you might want to consider this course of action: ask your spouse to file first for the divorce; do not hire your own counsel; voluntarily hand over 100% legal and physical custody of the child to her, along with sufficient assets so that neither of you claims child support or alimony…	/r/Divorce_Men	04/07/26 10:26 PM
1	What can I control? You are in control of your days in the parenting plan.	/r/Divorce_Men	03/07/26 07:40 PM
1	Difficulty finding a lawyer Which state?	/r/Divorce_Men	03/07/26 07:39 PM
1	Divorce in North Carolina. Just looking for thoughts/opinions. It seems that there are no kids. The marriage is not very long at just 5 years. Perhaps both of you would best be served by reverting as close as possible to your own individual assets pre-marriage: no alimony, no health or life insurance, just a clean split. The reason is that the fewer touchpoints you have for the future, the less chance for future conflict.	/r/Divorce_Men	03/07/26 07:27 PM
1	She knows. Knowing nothing except what's in this posting: China is not a signatory to the Hague Convention on child abduction, and you are still married. So if your kids are physically in China with their mom right now, and especially if they are on the younger side, then there's a high likelihood that she could keep them in China for quite some time, and that doing so would be legally allowed for her in both China and the USA. If you have not spoken with your lawyer about international travel/residency fo…	/r/Divorce_Men	03/07/26 07:22 PM
4	Any Middle Age Success Stories? So long as you are near a major metropolitan area, and you are in reasonably good physical and mental shape, you won't have any problem finding people to date.	/r/Divorce_Men	03/07/26 05:46 PM
3	Just when I think things can’t get any worse, they do! This.	/r/Divorce_Men	21/05/26 01:51 AM
2	AZ divorce: How did you handle telling your kids? There are many books available on this topic....probably worth your time to consult one or two, because they'll collect the best practices for you.	/r/Divorce_Men	21/05/26 01:47 AM
5	My STBX keeps recording everything At the risk of sounding obvious, this is a question worth running by your counsel. Recording is highly provocative and can be adverse to the party who is doing the recording.	/r/Divorce_Men	21/05/26 01:45 AM
3	How the hell do people afford this? A high-conflict divorce can easily top $100 thousand. I've seen two ways to interrupt the slippery slope. 1) If both parties are rational and willing to negotiate. But this isn't an option if either party wants to fight for the sake of fighting. 2) If one party is forced to repay attorney's fees to the other party. But this only becomes a realistic possibility after several years of litigation, after the judge can see the lay of the land. The more work you can do yourself, the less you'll spen…	/r/Divorce_Men	15/05/26 11:16 PM
1	Ex wants to introduce bf to kids This is a good answer.	/r/Divorce_Men	05/04/26 07:53 PM
1	Have any guys lost custody of their kids but got 50/50 later? How long? Anecdotally this is along the lines of what I've seen. As an example, I saw a situation where a dad reversed 0% custody to 100% custody, but it took him several years, a six-figure legal bill, and furnishing overwhelming proof that the mom had inflicted harm on the child. Once a parenting plan becomes precedent, it's difficult to change.	/r/Divorce_Men	05/04/26 05:56 PM
-2	Ex wants to introduce bf to kids Maybe consider the issue from the viewpoint of your kids -- in other words, ask yourself, what actions are most likely to protect your kids from psychological harm. The more you berate/blame/excuse/accuse/deny in front of your kids, the worse off they'll be. The more you make an issue of the bf in front of your kids, the worse off they'll be. The more you seek revenge on your ex in front of your kids, the worse off they'll be. The more you escalate legally -- and, from what the posting describes…	/r/Divorce_Men	05/04/26 04:47 PM
0	Ex wants to introduce bf to kids This is the right answer.	/r/Divorce_Men	05/04/26 04:38 PM
3	How do I shake off the feeling of missing her or missing being in a relationship? I think these feelings are pretty common among all of us. I think that one way to move forward is to focus on the even-better rewards that a new future offers. A new job, a new SO, a new dog -- in all likelihood, they will each be better (however you define "better") than the ones you had in the past.	/r/Divorce_Men	01/04/26 07:37 PM
1	Divorce If your ex is destroying your property, then you should 1) gather evidence, especially video evidence, 2) go to the police with the evidence, 3) file charges. If the evidence is sufficient, then the state government will take over; you won't have to pay for the prosecution, and it will look very bad for your ex in the family law courtroom. If the destruction exceeds a certain dollar value, the state may even bring felony charges. For all of this to happen, though, you need concrete evidence. Sur…	/r/Divorce_Men	01/04/26 02:01 AM
4	Giving up on my kids for everyone's peace? At the five-year mark, if your ex is still throwing spurious or vexatious litigation your way, you should be winning baack attorney's fees -- which is probably the most effective way to shut down such behavior. So I wonder, based on the information in the post, how effective is your lawyer.	/r/Divorce_Men	29/03/26 03:19 AM
2	Hidden cameras If you haven't sent the letter yet, consider running it through AI first to shorten it and to clarify what you're asking for -- because you are paying for lawyer time. For example, the letter could maybe be shortened to something like: Please advise on potential invasion of privacy by my ex. On [date], I found the IP addresses of two Ring Stickup Cameras on my wifi router. They were not there the previous time I checked the router on [date]. Soon after, on [date], I asked my ex about them. My ex…	/r/Divorce_Men	23/03/26 02:23 PM
2	Hidden cameras Some suggestions: - Take screenshots of the device list on your IP router. Take the first set of screenshots right now, with a date included in the screenshot, then on Monday ask your lawyer how you can take a second set of screenshots in such a way as to prove they are real (that is, show the court that you didn't fake the content or date of the screenshots). - You can buy an infrared scanner online or at a hardware store, which should reveal the location of hidden cameras. - You can also try t…	/r/Divorce_Men	23/03/26 01:29 AM
1	Very curious I have seen at least one example where, after a divorce was filed by one parent, the other parent ramped up religious involvement, then persuaded several other congregants to actively join in the litigation. When the litigation concluded, so did the religious involvement.	/r/Divorce_Men	06/03/26 04:41 AM
0	Ex is saying I violated MSA Do not apologize. Doing so will accord undue recognition to the anti-vax parent. The vaccinations were absolutely the right thing to do. The pediatric vaccine schedule continues to be standard of care in the USA. Failure to vaccinate a child is one of the cruelest and most derelict decisions that a parent can make. The anti-vax parent will find only deaf ears in the constabulary and court. If it were me, I would document what happened but otherwise minimize communication with the anti-vax parent…	/r/Divorce_Men	02/03/26 05:51 PM
13	Wife wants to meet in person My primary concern, knowing only what's in this posting, would be whether this is a setup to lay groundwork for a false charge of some kind.	/r/Divorce_Men	30/01/26 04:31 PM
2	It wouldn't be so bad if there was some level of truth. Family Court is full of perjury. The effective countermeasure is documentation.	/r/Divorce_Men	17/01/26 03:36 AM
1	Lost in court with custody change request If the parties agreed on 2-2-3 at the time of the divorce, then unilaterally trying to change to 5-2 a few months later has low likelihood to happen in Court.	/r/Divorce_Men	14/01/26 04:37 PM
3	Feeling hopeless Get a lawyer, obviously. Don't move out of the house; that would doom your claim to custody. Document everything that happened and is happening. Take precautions against possible false charges of abuse, including having family/friends visit and call you frequently, and indoor cameras if permitted by your state.	/r/Divorce_Men	10/01/26 05:29 AM
1	Does this make sense in the agreement? This schedule is close to, but not quite, a 5-2 schedule. The reason for the complexity is unclear....maybe the intent is to give just a bit more parenting time to Father, so the division isn't 50-50? I would be concerned about the 8 pm transition times, especially if the kids are younger. I think it's a lot easier for the kids if they transition at school drop-off and pick-up. You might consider adopting a standard 5-2 schedule, which would solve the issues above, and then reserve some annual b…	/r/Divorce_Men	10/01/26 04:10 AM
3	How is custody determined? If both of you can reach an amicable agreement, with or without the help of a collaborative divorce lawyer, you can submit it to the Court and the court is likely to accept it. Including assets and the parenting plan. This is beneficial to both of you, if you can pull it off, because it avoids litigation and trial. After you have a parenting plan legally in place, then you can move out. If you leave the house before a parenting plan is formally approved by the Court, then you open the possibilit…	/r/Divorce_Men	05/01/26 04:10 PM
14	Dragged to court again - how can I make it stop? As others posted here, the best way to stop legal-filing predatory behavior is to win back attorney fees. I can personally vouch that it is effective. If your ex brings you to court and comes back empty-handed, you may have a good chance to recoup some or all of your legal costs. Ask your attorney about focusing your legal strategy on winning back attorney fees.	/r/Divorce_Men	13/12/25 05:04 PM
3	Why wait to hook up? If you don't have children, probably it doesn't matter. If you do have children, it might matter a lot, and potentially create a new target for your counterparty.	/r/Divorce_Men	04/12/25 04:49 AM
8	Guys Who've Been Through Divorce: What Was the HARDEST Part to Get Used To? Years of continuous litigation. Though there is a good deal of satisfaction when you prevail.	/r/Divorce_Men	03/12/25 04:25 AM
2	My lawyer is acting really weird If you are unhappy with counsel, in my experience, the best thing to do is fire them and get someone else, sooner rather than later.	/r/Divorce_Men	01/12/25 04:14 AM
1	Custody question. Age nine is too young to be a reliable narrator.	/r/Divorce_Men	30/11/25 05:50 AM
2	Violation of the decree In my experience, right of first refusal is difficult to enforce. The statements of a young child are not reliable and are unlikely to be given weight. Circumstantial evidence is easily refuted, honestly or not. Even with solid evidence, if the other party was out of the house for, say, an hour or two longer than the clause states, going to court may backfire if the judge views the infraction as too trivial to warrant the court's attention. You may wish to reserve your energy for other battles.	/r/Divorce_Men	30/11/25 05:35 AM
1	Need perspective from men who’ve been through something similar As others have written here: 1) moving out of the house is likely the single worst action you could take and 2) you need a lawyer yesterday, because based on the information given in the post, the probability is high that an opening salvo is headed your way. The single best action you could take is probably to read one of the many authoritative advice books for men contemplating divorce.	/r/Divorce_Men	30/11/25 05:10 AM
3	The Good Person Trap: Why "Taking the High Road" Is the Single Worst Strategy in High-Conflict Divorce With respect, the text above is not the definition of putting the children's interest first. This page offers a decent state-by-state definition: https://www.divorcenet.com/topics/the-best-interests-child	/r/Divorce_Men	30/11/25 04:59 AM
8	The Good Person Trap: Why "Taking the High Road" Is the Single Worst Strategy in High-Conflict Divorce Taking the high road -- that is, putting the children's interest first -- is the single best strategy in high-conflict divorce. I would wager that every dad who has won 50/50 would say the same.	/r/Divorce_Men	30/11/25 04:36 AM
3	In the divorce process and my wife wants me to move out As others have written here, don't move out. Consider documenting how you spend your time each day, and doubly so when there any interactions with the other party. If there is a chance of false abuse allegations, then consider consulting with a lawyer, keeping a distance at all times between you and the other party, checking whether your state law allows indoor cameras, and setting up a rotation of friends to call/facetime/visit you as often as possible each day.	/r/Divorce_Men	26/11/25 02:53 AM
1	Ex suddenly agreed to 50/50 after fighting it for a year — now bringing up “safety concerns” again. Should I be grateful for what I have or push for primary custody? I am not a lawyer, but if it were me, I would probably try to lock in the 50/50. Trials are unpredictable plus it's difficult for a male to do better than 50/50.	/r/Divorce_Men	23/11/25 04:36 AM
1	Update to my previous post of my wife taking off… Unjustified protective orders can backfire spectacularly on the instigator, although it takes months-to-years and hefty legal fees. Awful though it is, it is also not uncommon. Make sure that your divorce lawyer has seen this sort of thing before (probably they have) and maps out what you have to do to clear your reputation and seek primary custody (if that's what you want).	/r/Divorce_Men	29/09/25 04:27 PM
2	Recently separated - need advice on solo parenting. There are many books on parenting. You could try "Touchpoints" by Brazelton and "Cribsheet" by Oster. Possibly the most important and best thing you can do for your son is to read to him every night at bedtime. Possibly the second most important thing you can do for your son is to keep him up-to-date on all vaccinations recommended by the American Academy of Pediatrics. Possibly the third most important thing you can do for your son is ensure that his teeth are brushed twice per day and flossed …	/r/Divorce_Men	29/09/25 12:01 AM
8	CoParent with ex who HATES you "At this point keeping documentation is pointless because things will be made up." If the other party is making things up, that is all the more reason to keep meticulous documentation. I try to keep as many communications as possible in writing. On the rare occasions that there's an in-person interaction, I make sure that it happens in a public area, and I document what happened as soon as the interaction ends, including the specific words or actions that either party said or did. Those sorts of…	/r/Divorce_Men	24/09/25 03:03 PM