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divorcethrowaway672 Archive

View 0 posts and 32 comments by divorcethrowaway672 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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3

Unfortunately, I think you are already in a bad situation based on the original settlement leaving the door open for all of these adjustments. That should have been baked into the settlement, to begin with, e.g. if your sales commissions or bonus drops, then spousal support would automatically drop. In my settlement we set a fixed $X/month which was not changeable except under limited conditions, and it will step down once she starts working, and will terminate under several other conditions, e.…
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/20 12:51 AM
2

I definitely recommend having both your phones on a shared cell phone plan if you don't already because that allows you to see what numbers and how often they are calling/texting other people. (Of course, they could be using something sneakier like snapchat, etc. which wouldn't show up on the cell usage data.) That is how I confirmed my ex's 2nd affair. I sensed something was wrong because of her behavior, so I checked and found she had been exchanging 10,000 texts a month with some married guy.…
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/20 02:46 AM
2

Because you have two young kids, I would at least attempt to reconcile with your wife, but at the same time you should prepare yourself in case you need to divorce. My (now ex) wife had a short affair with a younger unemployed man which I discovered. She broke it off, we reconciled, but then 3 years later she started an even more sordid affair with another married man with children younger than ours. Marriage counseling and individual therapy esp. for your wife would help, because what I found i…
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/20 02:33 AM
0

I don't see it as a bad thing she is close to her family; Talking to your family everyday is not a problem, unless it is excessive, but it does sound like she lacks proper boundaries between her marriage and her family. But at this point, I would look at her actions, not her words. For someone to go to the trouble to move all the furniture to storage (her parent's house) makes me think she is completely checked out of this marriage. If my wife did that, I'd be filing for divorce. I'm assuming th…
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/20 07:44 AM
3

Ex is receiving alimony only 7 payments left.... When does this stop. Uh, in seven months? In your settlement, wasn't there some language about her looking for a job to help support herself in some reasonable time? In most cases, that would be 1-2 years maximum. If not, at this point you won't be able to effect any change in 7 months, so you just need to tough it out. In my settlement, I am paying a higher amount for up to 3 years or until she gets a job, whichever comes sooner, and then a lesse…
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/20 08:54 PM
2

I feel like there is something missing from this story. Why would she want to suddenly move 100s of miles away, disrupting the lives of your three children. Is there another man involved? Maybe she was seeing someone at the cabin, or elsewhere. From what you wrote, your wife is completely checked out of your marriage. I would assume she is gone, and you need to think about yourself and your children. Assuming you want 50/50 custody, how would that work if you let your STBXW move 100s of miles aw…
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/20 11:50 PM
2

That calculator is only for temporary spousal support (maintenance) not the final maintenance amount agreed upon in the divorce settlement. In the OP's case, he has been informally paying temporary spousal support by paying her rent. Final negotiated spousal support is based on Marital Standard of Living (MSOL) calculations, and can differ greatly from what the temporary spousal support calculator says.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/20 07:39 AM
2

I would not be talking to the guy, and I wouldn't talk to your STBXW either until you had all the facts and based on lawyer's opinion understand what a judge would rule in your case, and then prepare a settlement and ask her to sign an uncontested divorce so everyone can move on with their lives. The key point is disproving her claim on your higher salary and stock options. If you do that, I think she will lose interest because there isn't much to get if the marriage is only 6 years. I would thi…
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/20 07:29 AM
1

If you already have a lawyer, I would ask him. I would think you have enough evidence to prove you were separated from her. In California, as soon as you are separated, all the finances are separate and spousal support would be calculated based on your salary at the time of separation. Did you physically separate 3 years ago, i.e. you or she moved out to a separate residence? Also, when did she start living with this other guy? I find it strange that she has an email address with her last name c…
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/20 11:31 PM
2

That was my thought also. Nobody can be this dumb. If it's real, then the judge will give him more of a reality check than we can.
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/20 07:00 PM
3

Knowledge is power, esp. true in a divorce; You've been forewarned, now you need to get forearmed. Figure out what a settlement would look like, e.g. split marital assets 50/50, and would you need to pay spousal support and child support? If spousal support is a major issue in your divorce (like it was for me because I was a high earner and my spouse was a SAHM -- her choice), ideally you should get advice from a family lawyer that has worked many divorce cases in your family court. Most courts …
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/20 05:01 AM
2

I would file now, but not only that, I would try to get her to agree to an uncontested divorce where you agree on the settlement now so everything can be over and done with. You can offer to help pay for her education as long as you agree to assume she will be working as a teacher after that, and so that should factor into the spousal support, i.e. you shouldn't have to give as much spousal support... I did something similar with my (now ex) wife who was a SAHM that didn't work (her choice), but…
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/20 12:40 AM
1

She can move out of state, but if status quo is 50/50 custody, and her moving out of state makes 50/50 impossible, then my laymen's understanding is that she is the one that would have to make concessions, e.g. give you more custody, and/or pay the increased travel costs to pickup/drop off your son. Instead, it seems she is trying to twist your arm and get you to agree to giving her more custody and have you pay for it, but I don't think the court would agree to what she is saying if 50/50 custo…
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/20 07:02 PM
1

Sorry, I don't have much experience with custody situations, because for my own divorce I got 100% custody of two remaining minors, but they are older about to finish high school, so a different situation. But my gut reaction is your lawyer is an idiot if you have told him everything you told us and he just said it's your choice. It's obvious she wants 100% full custody of your son, but if you won't agree to that, then she is now trying to float she has 100% during school year, and then you see …
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/20 06:40 PM
5

Dude, you are letting her walk all over you. You need the advice from a lawyer to see if you can salvage this. If you have been living separately, does that mean you were officially separated? And you already established a custody plan where you had your son some % of the time? If you were separated and can establish that separation date, after which you were living separately and not having any marital relations (sex) with her, then the finances are considered separate after that date in CA, an…
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/20 06:13 PM
0

From what you've mentioned, it sounds like she is already having an affair with some dude, maybe a co-worker? Going to the beach with a friend, or a boyfriend? A mother with 3 young kids at home usually doesn't suddenly say they want a divorce unless they are having an affair, or if the husband (you) is doing something really abusive, which I assume is not the case.
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/20 07:33 PM
3

I've never said my side of things to anyone. I think it's important to tell the truth to your family and close friends, but you don't need to be talking to her friends or posting on social media about it. This is esp. the case with a cheater that has been lying to your face, because they'll lie to everybody else too, if they think they won't get caught. In my case, I told both our families about her affair with this fugly married man with children younger than ours, and few other close friends. …
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/20 07:24 PM
1

Sounds similar to my (now ex) wife (49F). I (49M) was happy as a clam in the marriage (23 yrs, 3kids), there were no issues, and then I was blindsided by her affair to some married guy with children younger than ours that chatted her up. I didn't know anything about personality issues, etc., but after reading up on 'covert narcissist wife', that fit my EX to a T, and explained a lot of her behavior. She exhibits all the traits like selfish, lacking empathy (except for herself), anger/resentment …
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/20 06:41 PM
6

I know how you feel. I just got done divorcing my (now ex) wife after 23 yrs and 3 kids. She was a SAHM that wasn't doing much Mom-ing. She had affairs and she was screwing around with a married man, which makes things more difficult because she can't just go live with the jackoff, because he's married and not going to divorce his wife. (Unless she kicks him out). I don't know how long you've had since you decided on divorce. But the one advantage you have in cases like this is she is probably i…
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/20 01:37 AM
6

Pre- and post-marital assets are just that. Declare them and DO NOT mix them. If you document it, it will stay that way. If you mix a single dollar, they are no longer off limits. I think this is where people get into trouble. Often what happens is they use pre-marital assets as a down payment on a house, but then the mortgage is paid using marital money. It can get messy real fast.
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/20 06:31 PM
4

My STBX wants things to be amicable and seems willing to 'deal' so far but at the same time she is clearly not to be trusted and I want to make sure I have the law on my side when or if we end up in litigation. We're close to the point where I give up on this mediation if she doesn't start making effort to get through it and I get started on litigation even though in the end it may be worse for me. Mediation is good. You really want to avoid litigation if at all possible, unless you just like wa…
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/20 10:54 PM
1

The first red flag was when I found out she hated her father because he had an anger problem, and she wished her mother divorced him. And this wasn't normal sharing about your family's disfunction; When she talked about her father, you could feel the hatred in her voice. Unfortunately, this was already several years into our relationship (we dated in college, but only got into a serious relationship a few years after graduation), and was I already in love with her (plus she was smoking hot), so …
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/20 07:34 PM
6

I went wrong because I didn't know any better marrying a few years after college. Anger issues. Vengeful/holds a grudge forever. Hated her father, who also had anger issues. Thinks other women are bitches and competition. Almost all her friends are guys. Selfish. Impulsive and bored easily. Has ever-changing hobbies/interests. Doesn't want to work; Was a SAHM that did more shopping, gym, salon, and 'me' time, than Mom time. (The kids and I cleaned the house more than she did.). When I discovered…
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/20 10:33 PM
3

I don't think you will be able to file in Texas. I would face this head on and try to get her to agree to a settlement in your favor; She may agree in order to avoid her name getting dragged through the mud if were to file an at-fault divorce. I wish I was in Alabama or Texas because I would have had a slam dunk at-fault divorce because my STBXW was shamelessly having affairs with unemployed and married men. If you run off to Texas and put your head in the sand, she may file in Alabama, and if y…
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/20 07:53 PM
7

CA divorce laws suck, esp. in my case where the divorce is due to my STBXW having multiple affairs and she was a SAHM while I am high earner. I filed an uncontested divorce (49M,49F,23+ yr marriage, 3 kids) a few months ago avoiding lawyers, just a paralegal service to prepare the documents. It cost less than $5000 including the court fees. If you involved lawyers that want to charge you $300+/hour, the cost could have gone up to $15,000 or more, even if you end up settling. My STBXW is high con…
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/20 10:39 PM
2

The inheritance is yours. I don't see any way she can argue that is 50% hers. If she still wants to argue the point, I would just point her to the family divorce law in your state. I'm sure there is a clause there which clearly says inheritance is not marital property.
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/20 01:50 AM
2

From your description, I don't think he should bother trying to "fight for her" since she seems to have made up her mind a long time ago. Since this is Texas where evidence of adultery can impact the divorce settlement, if I were your friend I would quietly search for evidence of an affair. But if there isn't much assets or spousal support payments at stake, it may not be worth it to turn over every rock looking for something, unless he also wants to know just because he wants to know the truth.…
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/20 05:59 AM
1

Hi, I am going through an uncontested divorce with my STBXW in California which is also a community property state. Marital assets gained during the marriage would be split 50/50. You were married in 2014, so it is important to know what your husband's assets were before the marriage because those would still be his. So, for example, if he had a 401k for 10 years, and you were married the past 6 years, then you would split the gain in the account from 2014 to 2020, not split the entire account 5…
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/20 05:30 AM
1

Depends on the state's divorce laws and the length of the marriage. Since this was a 2nd marraige, I assume they weren't married very long e.g. 5-10 years? It's a good idea to understand what the law is; It could be it is not that bad.
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/20 12:20 AM
4

From the limited info, it does sound like your wife is having an affair. My STBXW was also having an affair (with a married man with kids), and rather than "going to war", I just quickly researched uncontested divorce, crunched all the finances, and proposed a divorce settlement to her, which she agreed to after 2-3 days, and then I hired a legal document service specializing in uncontested divorce to push it through the court ASAP. You have to weigh the risks vs reward of "going to war". If I d…
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/20 04:07 AM
1

https://www.calalimonyreform.org/ is trying to get support to put an initiative on the Nov, 2020 ballot to limit alimony to 5 years. https://ballotpedia.org/California_Alimony_Limited_to_Five_Years_Initiative_(2020)) https://abc7.com/politics/oc-dad-gathers-signatures-to-limit-alimony-payments/5454278/ Not sure if he got the number of required signatures.
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/20 08:07 PM
4

She’s moved on a long time ago. You’ll have to go through, mourn and grieve the loss of your relationship on your own. This was the toughest part for me, esp. since I was blindsided by the affair. I thought my marriage was fine, my STBXW never complained about anything, we were going on trips having fun, had regular sex, etc. and then I uncovered that she had been having an affair for the previous 5 months or longer with a married man that has children. I had all this anger and grief, yet she ac…
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/20 06:00 AM
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