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donkeykong64123 Archive

View 2 posts and 123 comments by donkeykong64123 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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11

She's going to undermine you at any opportunity she gets. At custody exchanges, video record. Let her get pissed off. Make sure you have it on video and save every single video. It goes without saying but have any interaction by email or text. Have security cameras at your home. Have a dashcam in your car. If she goes and makes decisions without your consent, document them. Be the bigger person and email/text her and get her to admit it through documentation. Contact the school, the doctor and w…
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/25 01:59 PM
1

Jealousy and feeling insecure that step mom will be liked more so she felt threatened. At least those are my assumptions
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/25 01:14 PM
12

I wasn't aching for divorce, but it was something I felt was necessary. I didn't imagine my ex becoming this vindictive, vengeful and making decisions purely on anger, which made divorce incredibly costly. She took our child and didn't allow me to see her for weeks at a time. Children's services had to be involved. Failed mediation 3 seperate judge conferences. 1 successful parenting motion in my favor, which granted me 50/50. Absolute chaos and stress and wasre of money but it was worth it to g…
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/25 03:23 AM
2

Oh hey I responded to your post yesterday. I had to deal with something like this. I have 50/50 custody and parenting time, reinforced by a court order. I had known my current partner for 2 years before I introduced her to my child. I thought I'd let my ex know that my partner is part of my life and she is meeting our child. I did this because I didn't want to hide and sneak around and run the risk of her finding out through word of mouth or by our daughter. 4 days after I told her, she made acc…
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/25 03:09 AM
2

Have you seen this court order yourself, as well as these records of her behavior? Are they legally divorced in the country where the ex resides as well? How often does be travel to see his kids and ex? I'd question the validity of this conflict. In the back of my mind I'd be worried. As far as the ex goes, he is single. He comes to spend time with the kids. What if there is something going on And he's spending time with her too? I've dealt with a crazy ex. When I informed my ex that I have a pa…
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/25 02:56 AM
4

People do say it, but they are buried at the bottom with downvotes. Double standards. More often than not when you see the genders reversed, redditors are likely to doubt the story and question it.
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/25 01:54 PM
4

A lot of these posts are extremely one sided and portray their significant other like the anti christ. "My husband hits me when he's hungry. He drinks and smokes and never helps around the house. But he does walk our dog every morning and one time helped change the baby's diaper. I don't feel happy and I don't know why girls. Any tips? " 100% pure male ragebait for everyone to pitch in and denounce and generalize men as evil creatures
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/25 01:25 PM
3

Google divorce lawyers. Read reviews. Do your research Call and book a consultation. Consultations are usually free.
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/25 09:50 AM
2

2k is rather small. Depending on how your divorce proceedings go, they could take months and the costs can pile up into the tens of thousands. Talk to a financial advisor if you use one. Buying out your stbx is very significant, and that would be a hell of a loan to pay off. From my own experience, I almost maxed out my credit cards paying off my lawyer because my ex purposely dragged out the divorce. I had to sell my condo and used the money to pay off my debt and give her share of the matrimon…
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/25 09:46 AM
9

Exactly this. Divorce can be such a personal struggle people don't know how to approach you about it unless they've been through it or are familiar I had a couple of collegues who had gone through divorce so once in a while it was nice to relate. I had joined a father's divorce group too, and I did some therapy as well.
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/25 03:58 PM
6

Most self proclaimed God fearing women aren't actually God fearing women. Peoppe use catchy phrases to make themselves sound better.
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/23 07:50 PM
3

There is nothing wrong with getting married but you have to be very careful about who you are marrying. Small red flags grow. The little crankyness and being unreasonable can turn to emotional abuse and gaslighting. A girlfriend that gets bored quick can turn into a cheating spouse down the line. Recognize those little red flags, and be very cautious on who you marry.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/23 11:57 AM
1

She's got a wild past and wants to settle now. The thing is, once the married life gets boring she'll reminisce of the exciting wild years and kick you out. Western women are a gamble nowadays. You have your preferences and everyone is entitled to them. It is a relatively new relationship so get out while you can.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/23 06:18 AM
12

It's more of exaggerating their contributions and downplaying that of the man's. Redditors love to validate the stereotypical "I did everything and he did nothing." Some women like to be on the go without communicating with their partner or taking their opinions into account. "This is what I booked for us and we are going on x day"
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/23 07:16 PM
8

A person posting a rant and saying fuck all women after his ex weponized the kids and is leeching off alimony despite being able to work needs comrades to say "you know what buddy, yeah fuck all women" It's a men's support sub. People come here to rant and vent. Show some sympathy instead of judging
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/23 06:59 PM
6

Speak to a divorce lawyer. I'm sorry your husband is a lying cheater. I do hope your don't deprive your child from a father figure in some twisted way to get revenge. Don't weaponize kids. The legal system makes it way too easy for women to get away with it but at the end of the day the kid will suffer.
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/23 11:00 AM
6

Look at all the chumps giving him validation. men owning women woo-hoo good for you!
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/23 01:26 PM
19

Not emailing my lawyer over small questions/issues because every email interaction adds up. Be smart and conscious about when to contact your lawyer. They'll be happy to respond every time and take your money.
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/23 02:16 PM
0

There is a vast sea of misinformation on social media platforms. I made a post some weeks ago and majority of redditors literally think the default is 50/50 everywhere and achieving equal custody and parenting time is super easy and that fathers who don't get it do drugs or don't ask the judge. There are a number of poorly done statistics like "92% of fathers who pursue custody get some" and people assume that what they got was fair.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/23 07:21 PM
2

Not in Canada. "Despite not being legally married, common law partners are covered by many of the same laws and protections afforded to married partners. For example, common law partners are entitled to share property rights and benefits, such as pensions and insurance, and are also entitled to spousal support if the relationship ends." Depends where you live.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/23 05:17 PM
-1

Then you fall under common law. Unless you are perpetually choosing to live separately it makes it difficult to avoid the system
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/23 03:55 PM
7

You sound like an Andrew tate teen boy spewing alpha male bullshit. .
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/23 03:52 PM
2

Marriage is a gamble. Getting out of it is an uphill battle for men. People who have yet to go through divorce/separation or those who haven't married yet can't understand how fucked up it gets for men. Those lurking and judging OP for being extreme realize that women have an absurd amount of power during divorce. They get half or even more of assets. They get to establish parenting/custody status quo. They get the matrimonial home. They get alimony even when they have full-time jobs and are abl…
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/23 02:00 PM
3

It's worth going to the doctor and get prescribed what you need to stay mentally prepared. I was on a divorce fathers meet up groups as well and it helped. It may be worth looking into support groups near your area. It truly sucks and it's awful the family court system doesn't take these things as serious as they should if the gender roles were reversed. It is an absolute uphill battle, but you can do it
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/23 04:23 AM
3

This witch doesn't deserve you ending your life. This is heart breaking and I'm upset reading all these horrible things she's put you through. Little by little her bullshit is unraveling. As you said, the false allegations were dismissed. Next, the family court will take its sweet as fucking time to adjust custody and parenting time. It'd a battle of attrition and resilience. You are not done your fight and your kids are on the line. Document her social media ramblings and her defaming you throu…
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/23 04:10 AM
19

The double standard when it comes to child support and alimony aren't surprising. I made a post some days ago to discuss how men aren't treated fairly with custody and parenting time. A lot of redditors think the reason they don't get custody is because dads don't ask the judges. For reals. This is what truly takes to get fair custody. You fight and overcome everything they throw at you while having the money to keep your lawyer on retainer and not have a brain dead old fashion judge. Congratula…
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/23 04:14 AM
1

Your gf is right. I had folders and organized videos and texts by date. Texts and video and audio recordings are stored separately. It's like we have the same ex. She did that as well. Told our daughter that she only has one family. In fact, even nowadays, she tells her the same, and my daughter is afraid to refer to my family as her family in front of mom. Regardless, my daughter and I have bonded very strongly and are also very close to my side of the family. My ex's family is also very dysfun…
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/23 08:26 PM
1

Fuck man what a joke of a judge juggles parenting time every other week, then juggle a fucking dinner date every so often,and contingent on school, AND she gets to have final say on everything. What kind of bullshit these people smoking? You are a capable loving parent, not a 2nd class citizen who deserves less. I'm so sorry you are going through this. She is clearly controlling and not acting in the child's best interest. Your ex would rather depend on her mom, a third party caregiver, than the…
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/23 04:56 PM
1

What's the current custody/parenting time? Yeah they emphasize distance. That's another thing I had to sacrifice. I had to move 20 minutes from my ex. I also had to switch jobs. Basically it was only me who was forced to make concessions and uproot my job and life.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/23 03:27 PM
1

Basically my ex kept insisting our daughter cannot cope with being separated from mom, and one hour a week is enough. We couldn't come to an agreement, so we agreed to go on a conference meeting with a judge. Mind you, doing these short conference means the judge only allows one page to summarize the problems. Based on this information, the judge will give recommendations that carry a lot of influence in how to proceed. The 1st judge recommended we try MEDIATION. My ex was someone who can't be r…
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/23 01:57 PM
1

My ex LITERALLY did that to me, but it was one hour per week, supervised. My ex basically demanded the world. I immediately got a lawyer who calculated child support to reflect the little parenting time I was allowed to have. Don't give her 2k because she told you so. We're you two sharing a car?
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/23 01:40 PM
5

"Winning" the ability to be an equal parent. Sad indeed.
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/23 12:54 AM
3

Granted, there are truly bad fathers out there just as there are bad mothers. Op had a point to an extend in that post, but generalizing that a dad who's not involved is because he didn't give a shit and redditors piling on and agreeing is fucking bs. I'm so sorry to hear that. In situations like that it's either put up with the mothers nonsense and just do the extra driving or once again hire lawyers, go through conferences with a judge who may or may not agree with what mom is doing and end up…
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/23 12:16 PM
15

Basically, it goes: "We need to split everything by half except parenting time and custody because I'm the woman, and I obviously deserve more custody than you!. Oh and I'm keeping the house too. Its only fair" That's literally where the majority of men have to start with. 50/50 parenting time and custody should be the standard period. This fucking nonsense of starting with 90/10 in favour of the mother.
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/23 12:10 PM
7

Thank you. I came through it all. Like I said, I won and got 50/50 parenting and custody enforced by a court order.
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/23 03:45 AM
17

In my case, my ex pulled my kid out of daycare, switched location and not tell me where my child was. She told daycare staff I abandoned my family. She told the pediatrician I wasn't involved anymore and not to be contacted. She told our friends I was a deadbeat dad. She got all the sympathy and condolences, and still does to an extend to this day. Lawyer said to be patient while we figure things out with opposing counsel and family court. I called the non emergency line out of desperation only …
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/23 03:21 AM
1

Your situation is so relatable I wish you all the best. Find a good lawyer who can help you get there.
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/23 10:53 PM
0

You having a daytime schedule is definitely a good reason to modify parenting time/custody. I had a similar issue. I was working 3-11pm, but I found a 8-4pm job. My ex's lawyer wanted proof that it was permanent and that it's not a significant change in income for child support. Your ex's mother helps with caregiving your kids, but now you will be available. You spending more time with your kids triumphs third party care givers including their grandma. Definitely speak to a lawyer and don't take…
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/23 12:49 PM
2

I work in the social service field and I spoke to my supervisor about adjusting my schedule. She didn't have a position open with the hours I needed, but she put out a good word for me and helped me get another position elsewhere. It meant more stress working with riskier clients. It was a sacrifice to keep 50/50, and eventually I switched jobs after a year or so. It doesn't hurt to try. Do what it takes to keep that 50/50 and more so when you have an ex spouse acting out of emotion than the wel…
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/23 12:43 PM
11

With a 70/30 schedule your ex will likely feel empowered and in control of you and your relationship with your kids. Please take time to read around this sub you'll come to find that anything less than 50/50 puts you at risk of parental alienation. Listen, it's the first day. Whether it's 50/50, 70/30, 90/10, the kids will be bothered. Guess what. Kids are freaking resilient. What will bother your kids more is having a distant dad 30% of the time while they spend 70% with a jobless unstable mom.…
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/23 02:48 AM
9

This is just sad and absolutely horrific.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/23 05:27 PM
2

I like this post. Outstanding father! Your kids will cherish you forever!
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/23 05:22 PM
1

50/50 custody. 15-20min, depending on traffic. Distance hasn't been an issue and I've made sure to stay close.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/23 02:18 AM
3

1000% this I get op and others here are commenting for getting childrens aid and lawyers and police involved But truth is, these drastic measures are likely not going to do much.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/23 10:22 AM
10

Lawyer up ASAP! record and document threats of taking the kids away. Remain calm and composed. The wifes parents are your landlord? Know your rights as a tenant in the event they try to break in, get physical or harass you to get you to leave.. If you can, install some cameras. You don't want them fabricating false allegations. Remember, your wife has her parents to witness next door to mess you up. Talk to your kids. Reassure them. Be the bigger person and don't get them involved in taking side…
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/23 04:19 AM
4

We all know marriages leading up to divorce aren't black and white matters. Dynamics, situations, and so many other factors are at play and need to be considered. For those lurking, don't just divorce right away if you are cheating. Speak to a lawyer. Yes, cheating is a shitty awful thing to do, but you do not deserve a lifetime punishment of your kids taken away. You are still a father, and you deserve the right to remain one. As for you op, yes what you did was awful and messed up. Learn from …
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/23 04:07 AM
1

We can agree to disagree whether this instance is abuse or not. You have some good points. I do agree this shouldn't be escalated to courts, children's aid, and lawyers sending letters right away. It's unlikely any of them would effectively resolve the situation, and mom will stop being immature. It will result, however, in children's aid up everyone's nose and give mom an audience to fabricate lies and get them confused. Lawyers will happily collect money to send threatening emails to intimidat…
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/23 01:43 AM
9

Forcing your children out of the house with no clothes or shoes in 90 degree weather is abuse. Worse, she is blaming the father for her behavior. Op, document every pick up and drop off. I had to do this myself for several months due to childish behavior(not to this extent). If she does it again next time, record it, and bring some clothing for your children. I wouldn't reciprocate or try to reason with a mother who acts like a child. Be the bigger person. Record and document!
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/23 01:10 AM
6

If the only thing you ex can possibly dig out to paint you as a bad person are obscure social media posts, you don't have much to worry about. Like, how is that relevant to your ability to care for your child? Unless you get some old judge who has no knowledge of social media, I highly doubt it would affect you negatively.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/23 01:04 AM
24

You are sober, hitting the gym, taking care of yourself and working. Most importantly you look forward to seeing your child. Don't devalue yourself man. No matter the hobbies or how we occupy ourselves with, we are bound to have these feelings come and go. Recognize that you matter, your child values you and loves you. I lost a lot of friends and connections. It's a complicated time. I was attending a divorce fathers meet up groups, and hiking groups. I didn't make close friends but it was nice …
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/23 01:01 AM
1

For instance if pick up or drop off are at school at 3pm, but because of covid schools are closed, then you should add a clause that specifies pick up would occur at 3pm at ex's house or your house(alternating). Anyways, it can be worded in such a way that despite routines changing due to unforseen circumstances, the pick up/drop off times should not change.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/23 01:50 AM
2

After speaking to a lawyer, and if jt's reasonable to stay in the matrimonial home, invest in some good quality cameras. Record your interactions. Don't be a victim of false domestic abuse allegations. Record and document, gentlemen!
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/23 01:42 AM
2

I had a planet fitness membership it was like 15 a month here in Canada and you paid month by month. You could cancel it at any time and no contract headaches. Peak hours are a pain because equipment is taken and you gotta plan your workouts around available equipment. Try and see if your exercise availability falls within a time when the gym isn't super packed. Otherwise it's dreadful waiting around and having people waiting on you as well to finish with equipment.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/23 01:39 AM
1

Make sure you parenting time takes into consideration unforseen events like covid. From experience, my ex utilized this as a way to establish a new status quo during covid but failed miserably.
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/23 05:03 PM
3

You are saying she is bringing guys around. Has this happened more than once since separation/divorce?
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/23 02:20 AM
1

Single men with no kids struggle to even get one match. You are killing it good for you lol
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/23 04:29 PM
2

1000% best advice right here. Her lawyer will work to gut you inside out. Your spouse will take advantage of you if you don't have legal representation of your own. Do not make any decisions or agree to anything without consulting a divorce lawyer first.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/23 04:20 PM
1

If the dude has some sexual kink with OF that jeopardizes family finances and affects the relationship with the spouse, they can try resolving it by communicating and counseling. There is a big breach of trust, however, when you get caught hiring an escort, that brings a whole lot of questions and uncertainty. Regardless, it's not at all crazy to consider divorcing under the circumstances.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/23 04:10 PM
5

Bro. He. Tried. Hiring. An. Escort. And. Got. Caught.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/23 03:51 PM
9

The post you are referring to was a dude who spent thousands of dollars on Onlyfans' personalized videos. He also tried hiring escorts on a business trips That's beyond "sexual imagery." It's not unreasonable to consider divorce in this situation.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/23 03:45 PM
7

Some women also think the same about single fathers. Alas, single fathers are not as common as single mothers since family courts make it all too easy for them to have sole custody. If I were a single father, I would also make my kid a priority. It's just common sense. I do agree though, anyone stepping into a step parent role has a lot to lose. Either the dynamic works or it doesn't.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/23 03:27 PM
1

I'm in Canada and most lawyers here offer free consultations. I suppose this will vary depending on where you live.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/23 01:32 PM
3

To be fair, it's a common rule across many reddit subs. It's a problem that can escalate to brigading, advertising, spam, and take the quality away from the sub if it's frequently allowed. Maybe it justified a warning or, at most, a 3 day ban, if this was your one and only time.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/23 01:11 PM
3

Agreed. Just because it's in a book, it doesn't make it a fact. I get a lot of us here have been screwed by greedy women who want to take more than they should, including our kids, but at times there is a lot of resentment projected onto female commenters/posters outside this sub who don't necessarily deserve it.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/23 01:05 PM
2

Consultations are free. Alcoholism is a very difficult thing to endure, and a good reason to consider divorce. All the best!
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/23 12:53 PM
20

I saw the post. Woman moved out, left all household stuff behind because she didn't have room in her new apartment. She took herself off the deed of the house. Ex husband sold the house, moved out of the country, and got rid of all the household things like the toaster, dishes etc. Your comment was calling her a gold digger. To be frank, I don't see anything that would warrant implying she is a gold digger and even now referring to her as a bimbo. Sure it was shitty to say he misses material thi…
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/23 12:49 PM
13

It's mostly a formality. Same as if you had a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, and you break up. "Let's remain friends" is a phrase said too often in these occasions and means nothing in the end. Sure, there are few cases where this may be false. Maybe once the dust settles you two can re-establish some kind of friendship. I wouldn't count on it if it was me. Focus on yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/23 03:30 AM
2

Have you consulted a divorce lawyer?
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/23 03:25 AM
12

She will party, drink alcohol, meet guys etc etc. You two are divorcing, and you cannot control her or counsel her. Dynamics are changing and she won't be your best friend anymore. You need to move on just as she's doing, bud. I assume no kids?
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/23 03:21 AM
6

My dad did the same in my early teens. Basically this. My relationship with him was never the same and it affected me too. It got to the point I was relieved he stopped calling and trying because our phone calls were awkward and uncomfortable. This was back in the early 2000s so no video calls and internet wasn't as mainstreamed. Experiencing this was more of a reason I fought tooth and nail to be in my daughters life. Can't let her go through life without a dad present.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/23 04:41 PM
1

I'm so sorry, man. It is absolutely shameful for judges to dismiss fathers like that. What did your lawyer say about it? I recently heard of this case of this deranged woman who got full custody and ended up killing her 6 year old son. This was despite the father pleading for custody, stating the mom had mental issues. Judge gave this mom full custody. Family courts view us as 2nd class citizens. It's so outrageous.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/23 03:38 AM
2

In your case, do you have a court order specifying parenting time and custody? Is the mom regularly violating the court order, taking your children to undisclosed whereabouts for up to 72 hrs in which nobody, and I mean nobody knows about? If the mom is taking your kids to her house, but the kids are still attending school, and their daily routine isn't impacted(except of course not being with their dad when they should be), and to an extent you are aware of their whereabouts, it wouldn't be con…
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/23 03:57 PM
10

From experience, early in the process, judges are more prone to sit back and let lawyers work it out. This means that what you can show the judge is very limited save and except abuse/assault/serious occurrences. Judge will give some recommendations and encourage both parties to compromise and come back to court if needed. Judges have biases and often miss things as a result. What brought justice was literally a judge making time to look at the evidence rather than limit my ability to provide no…
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/23 01:07 PM
5

A lot of people are using dating apps. Dating apps are heavily skewed in favor of women. Online dating thrives on shallowness/looks for both men and women. I think men would have better luck finding women in a casual setting rather than relying on dating apps/social media alone. Women get bombarded with messages and attention on the daily and through social media/dating apps and some end up with inflated egos, and unrealistic expectations..
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/23 10:43 AM
5

So you acknowledge you were both abusive towards each other, and that has stopped recently. It's not far-fetched that if she has been in a toxic relationship, she would have these books lying around the house and they are useful for her. Sure, she could very well be purposely leaving them around for the kids to see. That is out of your control. You cannot control what she does. What will make you look like a bad guy is being confrontational and controlling her books. Like I said, she refuses, an…
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/23 01:44 PM
8

India thrives on rape culture. These articles are nothing but encouraging rape because women are not giving men what they want. This article is ass backwards. Look, it's frustrating when your spouse doesn't want to have sex. Worse, if she weaponizes sex to hurt you and get what she wants. That doesn't give any men the right to have his way and the women just allow it. Likewise if she is withholding sex then it's time for couples counseling or go your separate ways.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/23 01:21 PM
13

Keep them stored deep in a folder on a computer. You never know when any of these pictures can be useful, especially on a messy divorce where false allegations can be made.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/23 12:38 PM
3

Maybe you qualify for free legal aid? In some parts, you can inquire law schools and get a student lawyer to look at your case for much less. You are assuming full custody and parenting time. You have exclusive decision-making about anything and everything in your children's lives. So yes, a change in supervised visits needs to go through you. She could refuse your conditions years from now, but you are the decision maker. She could go as far as getting a lawyer for unsupervised visits, but it's…
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/23 01:46 PM
4

So this clause is a big if about unsupervised visits. Let's say you remove the clause, and some years from now, she wants unsupervised visits. That won't just organically happen, and she would still need to jump through hoops to get unsupervised visits involving the things mentioned in the clause, especially because you have full custody. There are and will be your conditions either right now or many years from now, regardless if she signs or not. What does your lawyer say about it?
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/23 01:30 PM
1

Document every single instance you've been the primary parent/caregiver because you deserve full custody down the line
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/23 12:52 PM
5

I'm going to somewhat disagree. It's one thing to find someone attractive or have a crush. It's another thing to go behind your husbands back and act on these feelings. An emotional affair is a form of cheating nonetheless. If his spouse is mentally checked out and reluctant to try counseling, there is no sense in forcing it.
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/23 02:01 PM
3

He said he is about to start counseling. Counseling isn't guaranteed, and the success depends on both parties doing the work and recognizing their short comings and actively working on themselves. If either one walks into it with an agenda or expecting the counselor to tell you some unheard words of wisdom that will make everything ok, then it's a waste of money. Within the first couple of sessions, you can probably have a sense of where it's heading.
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/23 12:47 PM
31

It's reddit, and you are in a divorce men's group, so you can expect what the answers will be. . My advice is to try marriage counseling. Good for two reasons. One, it could save your marriage. Two, you can justify a divorce by at least having proof that you tried saving the marriage, and it didn't work.
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/23 02:51 AM
1

I'm sorry to hear that. What you can do is work on the things that might have contributed to losing 50/50 like the things you mentioned. If your ex is truly falsifying claims, be careful how you interact with her and document. Your lawyer can advise you better on this Getting 50/50 is possible, but considering the judge just modified your parenting time, it may not be any time soon. Do talk to your lawyer about it.
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/23 02:42 AM
1

You put this into words perfectly. I also came from divorced parents, and this is very much the case. I lost all trust and bond with my dad. There came a point I would dread talking to him on the phone(this was before smart phones and video calls) because I had nothing to tell him. If I could avoid talking to him, then even better. It took me until I was in my mid-20s to restore part of that relationship, and even now, it's not the same. Having this experience strengthened my resolve to be there…
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/23 06:18 PM
3

They are both cheating scumbags and it's out of your control. Therapy gets thrown around a lot, but if you can afford it, and you find a decent therapist, then it's worth trying. It was shitty not telling you about it, and you should document these instances just in case things ever escalate. Focus on your daughters safety and well being, as well as yours. Focus on what you can control.
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/23 03:46 PM
2

You posted this a few days ago. I've responded to your situation and so did other people. Look, if you think you have no choice but to leave, it will come at the cost of your kids. No matter how many videos calls/phone calls you get, or if you visit a few times a year, they will not see you the same.
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/23 03:37 PM
5

100% this. My ex is like this to this extent, so I can relate, op.
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/23 03:28 PM
2

Circumstances, family dynamics, and other factors are at play for 50/50 custody and parenting time. A big part is how far you are willing to take matters and how resilient you are mentally and financially to endure it. It's great that so many men in this sub advocate for 50/50 and encourage others to do so. However, as I said, different circumstances, family dynamics, and out of control factors influence this(country, laws, spouse, lawyers, and a judge with a brain). Ultimately, it's your decisi…
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/23 12:45 AM
3

I hear you. There are circumstances in which 50/50 asset split wouldn't be fair. My marriage was short, and the judge agreed it wouldn't be fair to split assets evenly as that would be an unfair loss for me. I did get 50/50 custody and parenting time on top of it so it can happen
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/23 12:31 AM
1

My mistake. The rule of thumb is to wait a reasonable time before introducing significant others to your kids. None of this is enforceable, like the clause you mentioned.
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/23 04:20 PM
1

Just realized op wants to enforce this on his ex. Judge wouldn't care and no one in their right mind would agree to it.
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/23 02:52 PM
1

Journaling is good. Check laws around recording. Some states don't allow recording without the consent of the other party.
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/23 02:39 PM
3

Do not speak to the police without a lawyer. You may not have anything to hide but they way you convey that can be used against you. What she is doing could be defamation. Document. And once again, go talk to a lawyer
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/23 12:46 PM
3

Ok, likewise, she has no proof of you stalking/following her around because you never have. Document threats and don't show her you are intimidated by her. There is also a possibility she is making it up to deter you from following her around(even though you are not, she likes to think so).
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/23 12:27 PM
3

Do you have ample evidence your spouse cheating? Have you documented the instances you've followed her vehicle and found she was cheating? Depending on what you have on her, she may get away denying it and turning it back to you in some obscure way to blame you instead. Any instances of you confronting her, make sure you are recording, and you keep yourself composed no matter how justified you may feel letting your emotions out. If police do come, don't speak a word and call your lawyer. Follow …
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/23 12:07 PM
2

Is it limited to visitors aka one night stands/hook ups, or does it specify a partner, significant other? Regardless, it's an absurd clause and no way to enforce it. Is your ex going to install cameras or sit outside of your house 24/7? What if your mom/sister/aunt want to come over for a family visit?
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/23 11:54 AM
2

I understand. What does your lawyer say about this situation and what has he advised you to do?
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/23 11:49 AM
9

So should assets be split 70/30 because she hasn't been involved making money and paying bills? You were the provider, so of course you had less time to be a caregiver/parent, but you are still there for your kids, just not as much as a stay at home mother in comparison. Divorce opens up the opportunity to be more involved. Equal asset split. Equal custody/parenting time split. While caregiving and parenting duties can be overwhelming and not easy at times, it doesn't mean you are incapable. So …
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/23 11:45 AM
6

Divorce lawyer NOW!
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/23 11:35 AM
6

Prenaps can be disputed If you decide not to marry and live with your partner, you will be considered common law and fall under similar laws surrounding asset division, and it's the same torture for men in family court when it comes to children and spousal support. Unless you plan to have a perpetual girlfriend who lives separately with no children, it's difficult to avoid the issues that we associate with marriage. Marriage has its advantages, and those advantages vary
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/23 11:32 AM
3

I think in this support sub, we all get caught up with "MUST FIGHT FOR 50/50 NOTHING ELSE MATTERS" mentality. Cases, situations, and family dynamics vary. Never the less, fight for your kids, do what you can within your power to stay in their lives.
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/23 05:25 AM
2

I understand where you are coming from. Society and the family court system thrive on the backs of men who, like you, get taken advantage of, and are expected to quietly own up to their disadvantage and financial ruin brought by a vengeful spouse. Aside from the men's immediate support group(if any), people don't care about your pride, respect, or how manly you are for pulling yourself by the bootstraps and taking it up the ass after your ex took more than she should have. Your kids aren't activ…
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/23 05:07 AM
1

Since when is advocating for 50/50 and reasonable alimony scumbag, humiliating, disrespectful behavior when 99% of women out there do exactly the same, if not ask for more from hard workinf men? It's 2023 dude. Old fashion manly mentality is what keeps courts in favor of women. Equality.
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/23 01:06 AM
2

I don't want your private information on your divorce mate. If you are going through divorce I wish you good luck and this sub is a great support. But just understand that your only interaction is about getting people to do your survey so it does come across as sus.
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/23 12:44 AM
4

Gonna copy paste another comment about this user: "* OP gives no details of their divorce experience. * OP says this is "research" but doesn't say what study or academic institution it's for. * OP doesn't provide any information about how data collected is going to be used. I guess people are free to respond as they see fit, but this seems pretty suspect. I'm not doing it."
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/23 10:17 PM
5

1000% agree. Why I said play it carefully.
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/23 10:10 PM
24

Sounds like a her problem. Play your cards carefully. Courts are supposedly child centered. Uprooting her kids' lives out of their father, school, friends, and routine because hee boyfriend made life hard will not go in her favor.
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/23 09:21 PM
4

If roles were reversed this woman would gut you and take your carcass like 99% of women out there. Don't let the system fool you into "being nice and doing the honorable thing."
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/23 09:18 PM
5

This can be good or bad. Good for emotional healing Bad for documentation and courts. I ended up deleting stuff that later through the court process would have been useful to prove certain points. Never the less I still got 50/50. Be mindful of what you delete during these high stress and emotional times guys. Good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/23 03:33 PM
14

The courts are child and mom centered. In most cases, Mom gets away taking the child. If dad disagrees with mom establishing a new status quo, Police won't do anything, and society won't do anything. Dads are told to take it up with family court, which is an expensive and a lengthy process. Then, dads get blamed for starting divorce proceedings and forcing mom to "waste" money on lawyers. Dad gets a lawyer and is told to put his tail behind his legs while mom gives you minimal time with your chi…
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/23 03:18 PM
4

As a therapist she can go to hell. There is legit scientific research stating the opposite. Fathers are crucial in their kids life. She's bullshitting you. I would still utilize a free consultation with a lawyer. 30-40 min to break down the situation and how they would proceed just to have a sense. You are entitled to her money as well. Look into divorce fathers groups. I found one myself using meetup.com in my city. They are of great help and support. It's been a decade since you looked for fre…
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/23 04:10 PM
11

Your ex has done a hell of a job wearing you down and blamed you for absolutely everything. I'm so sorry you've had to go through that. First of all, consult a divorce lawyer. They offer free consultations to hear the jns and outs of your situation. Your ex can say whatever the hell she wants in terms of custody and parenting time. It doesn't mean she will get it. You as a father have the right to 50/50. He can whine and complain and be manipulative. This is where a lawyer will back you up. If s…
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/23 03:09 PM
1

Yes, but the point is a year or so is a more reasonable time to wait to start introducing significant others.
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/23 10:09 AM
3

It is recommended to wait a reasonable amount of time to make sure this significant other is a safe person who can be trusted, and also won't run off out of the child's life after bonding. Introducing significant others who may or may not last more than a year impacts the child. There is nothing you can do about it, but this blunder by your ex could win you a few points with a judge down the line. You requested something reasonable in a polite manner and she declined. Document document.
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/23 12:32 AM
2

I'm in Ontario and you can hire therapist students(on their last term or something) for like half the price. I went through about 3 people before finding one that was the right fit. I recommend a hobby that keeps you physically active. A lot of people here recommend the gym, but it's not for everyone. If you like walking, walk! If you like a particular sport, explore that! Personally, the gym and lifting kept me mentally sharp and feeling good about myself. Physical activity is underrated for me…
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/23 08:43 PM
12

Don't let her win. Doesn't matter what she says to your kids. Deep down inside, they are confused, missing you and stressed in their own way because of how mom is handling this. A lot of us are or have been where you are, my friend. If you haven't done so, get a lawyer. Perhaps you can qualify for free legal aid. Document everything. See a doctor, get anti depressants, sleeping meds or whatever you need to keep you going. Your kids are worth it. You are worth it!!
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/23 09:33 PM
0

Similar situation for myself, and I achieved 50/50 eventually after some years, and a lot of money spent. Sadly, a lot of fathers do fight hard and end up screwed anyway. I don't think it's right to say everyone else who didn't sacrifice as much as you didn't try hard enough, and it's their fault. The majority of fathers aren't easily walking away, and this sub is proof of how much pain a lot of fathers endure. I think some sympathy is due. No one should have to endure this fucking bullshit, or …
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/23 09:22 PM
7

I got a recent divorce as well and I can tell you it's not outdated. 60k spent on lawyers after a few years in and out of courts. The way I got 50/50 custody and parenting time was a result of luck and my ex making mistakes. I had just as much of a chance to get weekends or partial custody if my ex wasn't so stubborn and difficult to compromise. Courts are far from being fair.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/23 09:13 PM
1

I assume that if this inheritance of yours is worth surrendering custody and a house, it's a significant amount of money which she would want part of as well. Look, my ex also promised me I can see my little one anytime I wanted, and turns out that was far from the truth. My ex also said she wouldn't touch my house and finances, yet that all turned out to be a lie. When the process starts, verbal agreements often go out the window. Really think about custody and parenting time. You should be abl…
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/23 02:24 AM
5

Sounds like you wanna peace out and live your single life with that large inheritance with no significant time with your kids In another comment, you said you don't care about custody. You are trying to blind side your spouse with the inheritance and compromising on the house with custody. While this might make sense in your head, first thing is to speak to a lawyer. Second, are you absolutely sure you want to give her full custody? Really think about this one especially when you have a 20 month…
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/23 02:08 AM
1

I fought for 50/50 and won after a long and expensive battle and for me it was worth every penny. However! I was lucky my ex was vengeful, spiteful and made very dumb mistakes like making threats, cancel visits and express ill intend via text messages. Had she taken a less emotional and more tactical approach, it would have been a different story I think. From experience, judges hold their own bias and personal preferences. Even my lawyer said so. Some judges are old-fashioned and conservative a…
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/23 01:56 AM
5

This is exactly what happened to me. Got 50/50 after tens of thousands of dollars. Court conferences, failed mediation with a ex refusing to compromise from the getgo. It's a damn uphill battle while you are forced to crawl. My ex made stupid mistakes. Putting abuse on text, being extremely stubborn and refusing to listen to judge or lawyer recommendations. I thank her for that as that ultimately worked in getting 50/50.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/23 03:26 AM
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