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dr_mcstuffins Archive

View 0 posts and 131 comments by dr_mcstuffins on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
2

No way on earth I’d remain friends with someone like her. He is just a symptom of her dysfunction. I don’t just cut off people who cheat and expect me to keep it a secret - I cut off people who know it’s happening and are too cowardly to do something about it. At the very least you could cut her off as a friend for putting you in such a morally gross position. If I were you, I’d find a way to send proof to her husband and end the friendship at the same time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/04/22 05:58 PM
10

I got permanently banned on the big against work subreddit for saying that sex work isn’t work; it’s exploitation. 80% of porn is violent - it’s where men learn violence against women. That sub is pushing the empowerment and libfem agendas because it’s run by misogynists.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/03/22 02:26 PM
190

That’s 100% cheating. If he was paying for OF for women he knows it would be cheating - just because they are strangers doesn’t mean it isn’t.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/03/22 03:59 PM
14

I got a permanent ban on the anti employment sub for saying that sex work isn’t work, it’s exploitation. I spent way too much effort stating my case and I know I’d only be preaching to the choir here so I don’t need to repeat the points I made.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/03/22 04:56 PM
40

Watching this now - it’s good. I’m shocked I didn’t realize how bad it was despite being hyper aware of it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/03/22 03:56 PM
4

Seeing a somatic experiencing professional 1-2x/week - this is a long term but extremely effective method of healing. I credit 80% of my overall healing with SE. You can learn more about it by reading Peter Levine’s books (I recommend the order Waking the Tiger, In an Unspoken Voice, and then his book on sexual healing). He has videos on YouTube as well. Trauma is stored in the body, not the mind, so talking about it will never treat it. You have to learn to listen to your body’s voice and your …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/22 05:37 PM
-9

Sometimes the way we say something is so loud that no one can hear what we are trying to say. While I 100% agree with the sentiment, it comes across so hostile that there’s no room for education or shifting perspectives.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/02/22 02:54 PM
9

You’d like Clarissa Pinkola Estés’ audiobooks. You can read them if you want but she’s such a wonderful storyteller and a delight to listen to. All of them talk about archetypes in stories and how this can not only explain the patriarchy, but also shape our journey towards authenticity and feminine power. For example, there’s a whole book on the crone archetype, The Dangerous Old Woman. I also loved The Joyous Body and, obviously, her most popular book The Women Who Run with the Wolves. Into the…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/02/22 05:17 PM
24

It’s the French tips for me, my apologies to any chicks who still rock them but those were fashionable in the ‘00s and early ‘10s. I wore chunky acrylic French tips to my prom in ‘04. There’s a whole world of nail options now, how are you gonna demand a 5’10” under 120lb model wear French tips, of all things, with her Versace? Yeesh at least go with something slightly more recent like nude colors. BRB gotta go get my bright yellow dip powder nails replaced today with another color that screams.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/02/22 05:05 PM
16

It’s not called that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/22 04:13 PM
9

It’s not called that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/22 04:13 PM
115

That isn’t true. Please don’t oversensationalize and create false narratives. It’s not called a rape rack, it’s a squeeze chute, and it’s used for everything from deworming and vaccines to keeping cattle contained so a veterinarian can examine and treat them without getting hurt. I’m a vet and literally no one calls it that. The gloved hand, in cattle, goes in the rectum. I know this sucks but it’s done for most vet visits, pregnancy check ultrasounds, and yes - AI. I’m a dog/cat vet but in scho…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/22 04:12 PM
54

This is worse than negging. It escalated to full blown manipulation and emotional abuse.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/22 04:21 PM
128

YES OP - he WILL come back because you are a form of narcissistic supply that tastes better than bacon cheese fries with aoli. You are officially irresistible to him now and he wants nothing more than to put you in the place he wants you, below him, again and again until he finally breaks your will the same way a sadist will break a spirited horse with violence. I guarantee you he masturbates to violent, humiliating, degrading porn of women crying and begging. He will be back. He will shower you…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/22 04:19 PM
88

To force you to submit is his fantasy. You’re a big, beautiful trophy fish with opinions and values you don’t compromise on. To bend you to his will is exactly why he’s with you. Do not EVER get on your knees to any man ever for the rest of your life. I did it once, 11 years ago, and it is still a traumatic memory for me. I have repeatedly had to readdress it in therapy. I recommend getting a somatic experiencing professional as a therapist who specializes in attachment work. http://www.pete-wal…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/22 04:06 PM
141

Men learn violence against women from porn more than anywhere else, even their fathers. 80% of porn is violent.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/22 03:50 PM
8

Exceptional talk, more than worth the time investment, I’m going to post it on every “sex work is work” bullshit I see on Reddit from now on.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/01/22 07:26 PM
10

The comment that men aren’t born misogynistic or violent but they learn violence against women from porn is profound and so true.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/01/22 05:43 PM
41

They’re all full of lead poisoning. Lead paint, lead pipes, leaded gasoline - they were swimming in it. The same is true for boomers. It explains (but does not excuse) so much of their gross behavior.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/22 02:52 PM
27

The celebrity worship on this sub is nauseating. She’s an heiress, and corrupted by greed.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/21 04:41 PM
30

You don’t overcome it by using other people. You overcome it yourself in therapy. Somatic experiencing therapy with someone who has extra training in attachment as well as kidney adrenal work has been life changing for me. It has taken 4 years but I’m no longer ruled by learned behavior from my past. If I can heal my disorganized attachment style (aka fearful avoidant), which is the hardest to fix, anyone with any attachment style can. I currently am with an avoidant SO and can’t leave due to fi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/21 11:05 AM
12

I’m the messy, chaotic one. My SO has exceptional hygiene and is very clean. He continually tidies up and always cleans up after himself. He does the dishes (because I’ve got sensory issues with the sound and grew up being yelled at for always doing it “wrong”) without complaint. He always smells wonderful, and takes pride in how he dresses. He’s very handsome, and fashionable. The reasons why are dark, though. His mother didn’t have access to therapy like we do, so she cleaned as an outlet for …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/11/21 03:25 PM
8

Agreed. IME it has always gone very badly for me every time a guy opened up about their past or about therapy early. Usually they just see someone who validates their ego as opposed to someone who challenges them and points out self sabotage and their shadow. I’ve learned the hard way to put my guard up with any male who mentions therapy. It isn’t a guaranteed red flag, but it merits paying far closer attention for signs of manipulative or narcissistic behavior.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/11/21 08:19 PM
9

Get off OLD. It’s in the handbook for a reason. It’s lowering your standards and your expectations. Men do it because they are disgusting. The thought of you seeing it, no matter what your reaction, turns them on, because they know you don’t consent. The correct response to it, is to flip out on them and ask why they sent you child p•••. It could only be a child’s, because it’s so small. Make a huge show of it, and tell them you’ve contacted the police to file a criminal report against them. The…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/21 02:22 AM
79

There are very, very few poly women here, because FDS is openly against it. It exclusively benefits single males and is also a false shield against intimacy. With multiple partners, you’re never fully vulnerable with any of them. Committing to one person is what true intimacy is, because it forces you to fully open your heart and to love and to receive their love. It’s terrifying, but no other love feels better. Polyamory is too much like polygamy, and it allows males to get away with absolutely…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/11/21 10:06 PM
18

It’s a precursor to abuse and physical violence. Never, ever interact with a male who does this. When you see it, call it out as completely unacceptable because it’s a direct threat. If that fist could be hitting your face, it would.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/11/21 09:54 PM
24

One month in is too early to be going on overnight trips. Follow the 4 month rule from the book Psychopath Free - never, ever trust anyone until you’ve known them for 4 months. Don’t sleep with a guy for that long. Don’t get emotionally attached. Don’t make projections into the future. For 4 months, all someone can be is your acquaintance. The rule exists because of your exact situation. You moved too fast, trusted too much. No shame, no judgment - I did it repeatedly until I learned about the r…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/11/21 09:53 PM
101

Males get furious no matter what we say 🤡
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/11/21 02:29 AM
10

I wish psychedelics (combined with shamanic practitioners as guides) could be introduced in arranged marriage cultures. I’ve recently gotten into Terence McKenna and it’s clear that masculine, ego driven, “dominator” cultures can’t exist in the presence of psychedelics due to their boundary dissolving nature. They reinforce the awesome power of the feminine, teach empathy, and remind people of their primal connection to Mother Earth. A woman who has had even one such experience is far more likel…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/11/21 02:16 AM
15

TIL birds are capable of parthenogenesis! I thought that was just a reptile thing! No male of any species is entitled to breed. Nature knows best, and knows some bloodlines have no place in the future.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/10/21 10:22 PM
36

Oh my god. I have long hair and just swooned. It is my greatest pride and vanity, and the idea of a man protecting my hair has me all wistful and dreamy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/10/21 10:17 PM
40

HVM aren’t on OLD. You know this. It’s in the guidebook for a reason. These posts about yet another woman being disappointed by an OLD experience are tiresome and it seems there’s a minimum of one per day. You know this community is against OLD. You know you won’t find quality men on there. You know what it will do to your self esteem and sense of worth. Get off OLD.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/10/21 10:14 PM
7

Start growing mushrooms! I’m an avid gardener and just recently got into this. Paul Stamets is an awesome person to learn from. His book Mycelium Running will teach you everything you need to know, with pictures, for every species. Your ex sounds so lame. I don’t get along with anyone who doesn’t like to nurture life of some sort, even if it’s just plants in a fish tank.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/10/21 02:48 PM
57

Aggression, and out-crazying them. Escalate to the moon. Get an Aztec death whistle. I have the carnivore one off Etsy. I also carry a taser and a little knife (which is actually for mushroom hunting). If he comes within ear shot, blow the whistle as loud as you can. The whole neighborhood will wake up and it WILL draw a huge amount of attention. It sounds like a woman shrieking as she’s being murdered. Make it clear that if he comes near you there WILL be a scene. Put door barricades on all you…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/10/21 02:45 PM
4

I also recommend an indoor door barricade. I sleep so much better with them on all my exterior doors. Feels like I’m locking up my castle at night.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/10/21 09:13 PM
12

I’ve been divorced for ten years. Take that in for a second - ten years - and I’m still healing. I experienced something way beyond the average level of trauma and abuse, but it doesn’t really matter. Healing doesn’t have a timeline because it isn’t a line at all. It’s a spiral. As time passes, you’ll come back to the same wounds over and over again throughout the years. You see them through newly mature, more adult eyes. As you heal the outer layers of your onion of trauma, you open up access t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/21 10:32 PM
59

It is of great consolation that he will never, ever know what it is to be loved for who he is. While I doubt he cares, it soothes me knowing he’s denied the greatest joy of being human.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/09/21 02:19 AM
3

I’m not sure, I’ve read that book twice and I don’t remember this. Granted, I have a spotty memory, but this feels new to me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/21 03:49 PM
19

Why tf are we breeding impotent men? So they can have impotent sons to further bolster the fertility industry?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/09/21 06:53 PM
17

I buy trees. I’m building my first Miyawaki forest in my back yard.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/09/21 12:29 PM
93

I feel the same way. I was a daily weed smoker for 4 years. I found FDS earlier this year, and I think it’s one of the factors in being able to quit. I don’t know what happened, but one day a switch flipped and weed made me paranoid and manic. I’m 162 days sober now, and FDS has helped so much. Stories here, and FINALLY feeling validation I’ve needed my whole life, allowed me to finally face the trauma that drove me to smoke and numb myself in the first place. Finally, I could accept that it was…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/09/21 03:24 PM
14

I loved this book, total game changer. Essential reading for all women!!!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/09/21 01:17 AM
17

It’s triangulation
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/09/21 03:13 PM
2

I take myself and my dogs to an old growth forest, and then all 3 of us get takeout (just a little for them)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/09/21 01:42 AM
13

It’s incestuous. Seriously, it’s a form of emotional / covert incest for her to be that involved in who he is sleeping with. It shows horrific, completely absent family boundaries and a nightmare degree of enmeshment. He will be a worthless partner because he will continue all of these traits and then pass them on to his children. It’s disgusting.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/09/21 02:29 PM
37

I did until I did Rewind Therapy. It literally cured my visual flashbacks and nightmares related to a violent r••e several years ago. You only do 1-2 sessions, usually, and it was so valuable I would drive hours and stay overnight to do it if I needed to. I learned about it in a PHP at a mental health treatment facility and everyone who tried it found at least some benefit. It changed my whole life. I also recommend somatic experiencing therapy. It is unmatched for trauma treatment. Talk therapy…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/09/21 02:25 PM
17

They are sentient. The newly released book The Heartbeat of Trees is about exactly this. Trees have vision, they can hear, they feel pain, there are mother trees that take care of all the other trees around them and when she knows she’s dying she starts sending her nutrients to all her offspring. When I’m in my garden, I know my plants can all see me. They know me, and are like friends. Some of my roses have a fatal disease and I cried for them. I’ve never cried for a plant before, but I love th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/08/21 05:54 PM
35

Change friends. Also, I highly recommend getting a one piece swimsuit. I got one that is lace-like over my stomach and lower back, and it’s very pretty but I don’t feel so naked. It also covers my entire ass; I have no clue why swimsuit thongs are so popular right now. I feel beautiful and confident in it, without feeling vulnerable. Loneliness is better than being around people like that. They are harming you in invisible ways - especially your self esteem. You ARE beautiful, there is nothing t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/08/21 02:48 PM
74

I despise gun culture, but in 2018 got myself a little .22 long rifle and a 9mm handgun (CZ-75B, highly recommend) with 1,000 rounds ammunition each. I got one private lesson, and then had a gun nut guy friend give me a half day of instruction. I’ve spent some time at the range, though not since covid started. In my purse, I always carry a taser as well as an Aztec Death Whistle. The death whistle is a sound weapon that is terrifying enough to shock someone and give me an opportunity for escape,…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/08/21 06:43 PM
96

A single male escaping Afghanistan is one who abandoned every woman in his life. His mother, grandmother, sister, daughter - he didn’t have the decency or empathy to bring a single woman with him, knowing full well they needed to escape far more than he did. I’m with you. No single men allowed entry. Across the board, they are the most likely to be violent and cause trouble.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/08/21 06:26 PM
7

I don’t feel lower value bc I’m enthusiastically childfree. I had myself surgically sterilized in 2019 at age 33 just because I wanted to. I told my doctor it was bc mental health disaster runs in my family (2 close family members with schizophrenia, which I didn’t learn until after my procedure, yay family secrets) but in reality, I just never wanted kids. It was easy to convince my surgeon, and she was incredible. Backstory aside, our value as human beings goes so far beyond our reproductive c…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/07/21 09:18 PM
-12

Was this written by a gen Xer? Because it sounds like it was, gtfo of here with this nonsense. I’m a millennial. First, if we don’t have a life skill, it’s because a boomer didn’t teach us (or gen X for the zoomers). I’m not gonna be blamed for yet another failure of older generations. Don’t act like we didn’t have to teach y’all how to use computers. Second, we have YouTube. There’s literally nothing stopping us from learning anything we want. I went from zero knowledge to skilled horticulturis…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/07/21 10:58 PM
29

No. You aren’t. I’d dip out, and if she confronted me, I’d be honest that her relationship’s power imbalance made me too uncomfortable.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/21 05:45 PM
21

I’m 35 and I still get called young lady often. Same as you - was rough on myself in my mid to late twenties but my DNA rocks - my parents look young as well, and none of us seem to noticeably age.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/07/21 05:11 PM
6

This is really sweet but I can’t help but be upset at the sheer degree of material excess. It’s just going to end up at a landfill producing methane and heating up the planet even faster. Excess isn’t success. Environmental consciousness is sexy. The planet is dying; displays requiring this much stuff are a luxury the earth can no longer afford.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/06/21 06:41 PM
8

You make him feel sexy, wanted, and important. He doesn’t like you for who you are, he likes the way you make him feel. Crushes are pointless and like the handbook says we get nothing out of having them, other than pain and ruined expectations. I let myself get in a situationship identical to what you are doing, and he never made a first move so I never did either. We broke apart and several MONTHS later, I was far enough away from the situation to see it for what it really was. It’s fun to have…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/06/21 07:31 PM
31

I focus my energy elsewhere - specifically on trees. The planet is dying and the last time it got super hot it took 800,000 years for the earth to cool down again. People have literally no idea the hellscape we are in for. Whenever I feel anxious, I plant a tree. Little ones. The maple tree in my yard released a ton of seeds and I have tiny 4” baby trees all over the place. When I freak out, I mix up some soil, put it in a pot, gently dig up the itty bitty baby tree, and give it a new home. The …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/06/21 03:57 PM
29

Bilateral salpingectomy = 0.00001% chance of pregnancy. It blew my mind just how much this procedure reduced my overall day to day anxiety. Pregnancy anxiety is an existential issue, and I didn’t know how heavy a burden I was carrying until it was eliminated in one fell swoop. I’m a new woman. My sexual pleasure is also higher since the intrusive thoughts about accidental pregnancy are totally gone. My body is 100% for my pleasure. I don’t randomly think of breastfeeding when my girls are gettin…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/06/21 02:27 PM
21

Dated before separated? 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 There’s no way to ever confirm whether he’s telling the truth or lies about intimacy with people before separation. That means he didn’t even take a break after splitting up to figure out who he was and to reset himself - he dove straight into new women. I’ve been separated and divorced and to date before separation is an affair. Plain and simple. It doesn’t matter how he justifies it, or how “over” things already were, or what the circumstances were - it was cheat…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/06/21 09:08 PM
69

Being “growth oriented” might be the term you are looking for. Some people are okay with finding their happy place and staying there; some are constantly seeking it and are willing to face the discomfort of change in exchange for long term payoff.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/06/21 07:43 PM
5

Me too! I’ve had this same experience! My SO is a clean and tidy person (who also smells really nice and has great hygiene) and he knows I’ll never be like a 50s housewife. I’ve learned to keep my space cleaner because I have a family history of hoarding, and as I’ve gotten older (35) it has gotten worse, so I have to stay on top of myself to minimize my chaos. Overcoming Compulsive Hoarding is a super short little book that changed my life and taught me how to keep my space livable. I also lear…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/06/21 01:17 PM
5

None of this would have ever happened in a matriarchal society or organization. Any patriarchal organization is suspect, and religious ones should be assumed to be predatory until proven otherwise by strong female leadership.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/21 04:33 PM
12

He’ll spend that money on his porn subscriptions instead.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/21 04:21 PM
143

Great article, thanks for posting it. Polyamory is like waking up on Christmas morning and underneath the tree is a giant pile of shit. You get so excited, because it must be from the pony you asked for! You look high and low, inside and out, but you can’t find your pony. Finally you are forced to accept the truth. There is no pony. It was just a pile of shit all along. Polyamory exists to benefit single men so they can gain access to more partners. I know men who deliberately go after married w…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/21 04:13 PM
215

🙋🏻‍♀️ My whole life I’ve been disgusted by older men. It is only recently in my mid thirties that I’ve begun to find George Clooney’s earlier work (when he was closer to my current age) more appealing. It has ALWAYS been blatantly obvious that what these nasty men really wanted was my naïveté and my lack of boundaries, confidence, and experience. Why would a young, fit woman want to be with some old dude with ED, grey pubes, and joints so bad he can’t keep up with her? Why settle for a old guy w…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/06/21 09:41 PM
8

Thanks to FDS, for the rest of my life I will straight up ask people “why are you telling me to lower my standards?” Seriously, what does she have to gain? She isn’t the one who will suffer the consequences of a poor mate choice. Aim for the moon, and if that’s not high enough, straight for the stars. My requirements are identical to yours, but my list is much longer. He also has to have more than 1 year of therapy under his belt, begun processing his life and developmental traumas (ideally most…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/06/21 09:23 PM
22

Just avoid him and be sub zero cold to him. No smiling, don’t laugh at his jokes, don’t discuss anything that isn’t work related and even then keep it short. If he plays dumb, ask him to write you an email with his question. I don’t know if your boss will help you, but having rock solid boundaries will. You have every right to be all of the above I wrote with him. You have a bad vibe and while your boss may not care, you should. ALWAYS listen to the wisdom of your body. You don’t need justificat…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/06/21 10:04 PM
43

I knew FDS would soothe the anger I felt at that post. It’s such a relief to have a place to come to for validation that porn addiction is inexcusable. Women need women only spaces. FDS is a treasure.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/06/21 11:30 AM
2

thathappened
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/06/21 06:08 PM
41

I ADORE her accent! And what is said of course! I just love the occasional super short blips of hard British (or maybe Australian) like she’s about to say “bruv.” I could listen to her talk all day, I wish she’d narrate an audiobook.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/06/21 06:03 PM
43

Escaping enmeshment is extremely hard, I’m proud of you
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/21 11:58 PM
8

Post-FDS me would have called the movers and been out of the house before he even got home
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/21 11:52 PM
76

I had myself surgically sterilized. If you go on healthcare.gov, you’ll find this beautiful little medical loophole where sterilization surgery is free for women. I’ve had issues getting the hospital to abide by that, but it can be done. Granted, I did it in 2019 so not sure if it’s still the same. Recovery is hard, but only for 10 days. If your puppy is small, you’ll probably be okay - I had issues because I couldn’t lift my geriatric 70lb dog, but I was otherwise able to care for my pets. One …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/21 01:33 PM
94

If it helps you feel better, China has begun to completely implode because of the one child policy. While boys have more cultural prestige, girls are expected to take care of their elderly parents. No girls = no elder care, and there is no plan B in place. Couples can have three kids now, but across the board women have rejected the whole idea of extra kids. They are asking for more women’s rights and a more equal workplace first before they’ll even consider it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/06/21 09:56 PM
6

The insomnia/butterflies advice is SO spot on, you’re so right. The times I’ve ignored those signs have always gone straight down the drain.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/06/21 02:57 AM
13

Oh god, this movie awakened something within me. I used to fantasize about a guy pulling me into a pile of hay to kiss me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/06/21 01:39 AM
3

I’m so sorry. In men’s domestic violence mandatory counseling groups, the very first thing they teach them is to never, ever say “put my hands on her” because it’s such a destructive euphemism. They require them to say exactly what they did. Hit, slap, punch, choke, kick, strangle, grab, shove, throw to the ground or down the stairs - “laying hands” on someone is a form of code speak that is extremely harmful to women and it allows men to dodge accountability. I recommend removing the phrase fro…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/06/21 01:36 AM
3

You need a door barricade. I have a Doorricade on each external door and I love it. You basically need an axe to get past one - even a battering ram can’t bust them down. Easy to install - all you need is a drill.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/06/21 01:20 AM
10

Omg this is insightful
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/06/21 08:22 PM
3

It was written a long time ago, though I’ve read the more recent revision and agree with you. It comes across as the author being ignorant to the truth of porn, as in she’s never been exposed to Dworkin and the like. This isn’t surprising, even for a sex educator, because they are literally taught the views they have on porn. I have a hunch future versions will correct this. I just tuned out everything she said about it because the rest of the content was so great.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/06/21 02:14 PM
32

Do you have ADHD? Because I do and this doesn’t come across as pickme behavior. I related with a lot of it. A lot of what is described is one big trauma response - we are insecure about social interaction because we’ve been so aggressively shamed starting in kindergarten. The article makes some decent points, but frankly, I feel neurodivergent women are better off being friends with each other. We live in a supremely fucked up society, completely cut off from our instincts and nature, surrounded…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/06/21 02:07 PM
10

Yeah, that’s a legacy of a traumatic childhood with tons of fighting. Still no excuse. I grew up in a violent home but I’ve done years of therapy and grown out of reactions like that. Displays like this are also a big show of their lack of therapy. It shows they don’t even think they have a problem, clearly, because they’ve done no work on it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/06/21 01:39 PM
16

It’s Lysistrata time. Nationwide - not just in Texas. I had myself surgically sterilized (childfree) and I’m still going to fight like hell. I’ve had an abortion and it was extremely traumatic because it’s so taboo and shamed. Women need to take charge, 100%, of our bodies. Until we have it, no one touches us. https://youtu.be/tgTU3iNrvOA https://youtu.be/BYY88WNC_1Q (I haven’t actually watched these but I’ve read the play - I had an amazing high school English teacher who had us compare the sex…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/06/21 01:20 PM
-11

The baby chicks die instantly and are saved a life of suffering, unlike their sisters. The female chickens have it worse. There are fates far worse than death, especially a painless one that takes less than one second. 200 species went extinct yesterday because of capitalism. Your example is such a tiny, insignificant example of suffering compared to what is happening to the animals of the Amazon rainforest. The southeastern US is being logged 4x as fast as the Amazon. THAT is suffering. Go do s…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/06/21 01:15 PM
2

Get off your high horse. Your very existence requires the extinction of countless species and ecosystems. Just because you aren’t eating them doesn’t mean animals are aren’t dying so you can enjoy your current lifestyle. Do you use products made out of wood? Supporting the logging industry kills WAY more animals through habitat annihilation. Entire ecosystems are wiped off the earth every single day. 200 species go extinct a day. 98% of old growth forests are gone, meaning you’ve never seen a re…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/06/21 01:06 PM
6

I wouldn’t victim blame her for the swimsuit stuff - it’s considered industry standard, thanks to Sports Illustrated. I’ve had a final, complete nervous breakdown and had to suddenly completely, 100% leave my professional career behind. It has been over a year and I’m still not working yet. That’s how serious a true breakdown is. You don’t choose when your ultimate, big breakdown happens. It chooses you, after you ignore your body screaming at you to stop for years on end yet you push on in the …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/06/21 11:28 PM
36

I’d dump that therapist. A therapist isn’t supposed to give you advice, especially advice this specific. Your gut instinct is so important and you don’t need your therapist’s voice making you doubt your decisions in the future. My therapist, who is exceptional and among the best of the best, NEVER tells me what to do. If I ask for advice, she helps guide me to my inner knowing so I can ask my soma that question, my authentic self. If I make bad decisions, the closest she gets to sharing that wit…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/06/21 11:15 PM
71

Life is harder for women than it is for short men. I did the same thing as OP. The first one was a super depressed, neglectful, super insecure guy who desperately needed therapy and meds but wouldn’t get them. He didn’t try, and blamed me for needing therapy after I dumped him. Second one was exactly like OP’s experience and he violently raped me 2 months after I dumped him for being a rageful, extremely mean and abusive alcoholic. Third one was just a situationship and he was extremely narcissi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/05/21 12:48 PM
12

I dunno, I don’t have social media and never will again. It warps our brain and is more addictive than heroin. I’ve been much, much happier since getting rid of it because it made me so angry. I guess technically I have an Instagram account but I never post, except the occasional one about climate collapse and the importance of reforestation. I see it as a negative if he’s posting on social media, honestly. Look what Facebook has done to human society as a whole. Plus, it’s such an insane loss o…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/05/21 03:22 PM
47

There is no group of men stronger, more cohesive, bonded, and powerful than a multigenerational sisterhood. We are the keepers of culture and civilization. It’s Lysistrata time. If you aren’t familiar with it, I’m betting it’s on YouTube. It’s a very old play about women going abstinent to force the men to stop the war and it works. I love how this is written. Posts like this are gas in my tank and provide ammo for debate and direct confrontation. Thanks for taking the time to think this up and …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/05/21 02:53 PM
25

People also mess up a normal, and important, developmental stage for their kids: when the little child develops feelings for the opposite sex parent (I’m not familiar with what happens for LGBTQ+ kids so add on if you know). Little kids are flirts. It’s super innocent and cute - things like drawing pictures for their caregiver, showing favoritism, tons of smiles, following like a puppy, seeking physical affection - cute kid stuff. They’ll say things like “when I grow up, I want to marry daddy.” …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/05/21 10:07 PM
16

I want all the major religions to also be matriarchal. Get some Mother Earth / Great Mother / Gaia worship up in here
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/05/21 12:30 AM
10

Get yourself a live rose bush, it’s so rewarding!!! They come in so many incredible varieties. My favorites are Grand Dame (it smells so good you want to bury your nose in it), Earth Angel, Queen of Sweden, and some interesting colors like Koko Loko and Hot Cocoa. I literally wake up every morning and smell my roses. There’s a great subreddit dedicated to them you can learn from.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/05/21 01:09 AM
11

I’ve been divorced for 10 years and I’m doing great! I still have nightmares about my xzvm and the divorce itself sometimes, but they’ve become less frequent each year. It took me a long time to learn how to love and trust again but that’s okay. I’ve really benefitted from somatic experiencing therapy because it has helped release frozen memories and emotions from my body, leaving me lighter and better able to move forwards with my life. The best influence in my life has been nature. I’ve devote…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/05/21 03:05 PM
8

Clint Eastwood. He was a stone cold FOX in For a Few Dollars More (which I actually recommend, it’s a fun watch) which was filmed in 1963. Literally his next movie, The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly (filmed in 1965 but released before the prior film) his looks are already fading. The sun and cigarettes take a toll FAST and it was 100% downhill from there. This movie also isn’t as good as the first and I don’t know why it’s more critically acclaimed. Men who tan turn to leather even faster than wom…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/05/21 04:04 PM
2

You didn’t even do anything wrong. I’ve reread what you and I both wrote a few times and that’s what really sticks out to me. You were so excited for a special treat (who knew you could rent a hot tub???) when out of nowhere, your brother ruins everything. I suspect he has always been jealous of you and that he sees himself as the family fuck up. He lacks the emotional maturity and inner resolve to heal his broken parts. Instead of realizing jealousy is unhealthy and comparison is the thief of j…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/05/21 02:38 PM
4

I was no contact with my parents for 3 years because they wouldn’t respect my boundaries or allow me to individuate. In that time, they changed and learned to respect me. I’ve been back in contact through text and phone for a year now. Maybe a healthier boundary would be to require he never speak to you about your brother. I had to do that with my parents because I was the scapegoat and my brother was the golden child. I’ll spare you the details, but my brother hates me and everyone knew it. My …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/05/21 02:09 PM
5

The Gift of Fear is a whole book on the science of trusting your gut - it’s amazing and I can’t recommend it enough. :( I’ve got bad knees, like most of my dad’s side of the family, from multiple dislocations by 25. Genetics aren’t kind to us all, but I totally get what you mean. My knees do better the more active I am.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/05/21 01:24 PM
9

If you see a Punisher tattoo, shirt, or bumper sticker - RUN 🏃🏽‍♀️🏃🏿‍♀️🏃🏻‍♀️ Heavily branded clothing, including anything under the Disney/Marvel/Star Wars brand - shows a lack of real personality, a desire to keep up with the Jones,’ lack of appreciation for art and true creativity, and that they’re a boring person who doesn’t value originality. White running shoes, or ugly shoes in general - nope. Just can’t do it. I ignored white, dirty New Balance shoes on a first date and he ended up being …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/05/21 01:04 PM
33

If they want us to split the bill 50/50, they need to take direct action against women being paid 70% as much as men for the same jobs. I’ve had it happen to me and had to go to my boss for a raise and back pay because I was paid less for the exact same job than a man with 100% equal qualifications, skills, and experience. Technically I was the more experienced one and was better at the job. Until our pay AND our property ownership matches that of men, we aren’t wasting time with broke scrotes w…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/05/21 12:49 PM
45

Gamers are a 100% red flag do not pass go for me. I care about trees. The planet is dying and I too strongly resent anyone who isn’t doing at least something to save what little remains or at the bare minimum appreciate it while it lasts. The globe isn’t just getting hotter - it’s so much worse. The Arctic will completely melt in the summer by 2025 according to top minds in ecology and biological sciences. Ocean animals are fleeing the equator because it is becoming too hot to survive. Ocean cur…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/05/21 01:41 AM
125

🤢 🤮
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/05/21 02:05 PM
5

I just did exactly this
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/04/21 03:53 PM
3

That’s awesome! I also learned about it from someone on Reddit and love spreading the word about it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/04/21 02:31 PM
3

I’m also allergic and can’t ever have one so I’m definitely on the same page as you. Sorry I was so extreme - you’re totally right. The whole world doesn’t have to own cats. I draw the line at hating them being a red flag. Just tolerating them is totally valid.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/04/21 02:20 PM
23

That’s great progress. Compulsive Trauma Repetition may have been at play here (worth doing an internet search on). It’s like being beside yourself and suddenly you’re doing a harmful thing you used to do and you can’t help yourself. It actually is a true compulsion - meaning discipline and knowledge alone can’t stop you from doing it. It’s okay, you literally can’t help it. If it’s this - I don’t want to assume - but it sounds a lot like it. We do the same things that hurt us over and over agai…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/04/21 07:06 PM
10

Nothing tastes sweeter than freedom. Stay strong and keep moving forwards. You can do this, and it will stun you how much better you get once you are away from an environment you aren’t happy in.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/04/21 06:39 PM
12

Not being materialistic is a wonderful thing!!! They are just things and they contribute to destruction of the planet. You don’t need to impress strangers - you impress us!!!!! You impress me!!!! An obsession with appearance and status is boring. Driving a car that is paid off is the real status move. Women only own 1% of all the land, men own 99%. That’d be a cool thing to spend money on. All I want to do with my life is plant forests and create ecosystems from scratch. I want to be able to go …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/04/21 06:36 PM
5

Once you get through the first week or so of really crappy withdrawal, you’ll start to feel a lot better. It gets easier every day - no matter what you are quitting.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/04/21 06:22 PM
6

I’ve gotten back with an ex and it was one of the worst mistakes of my entire life. You left him for a great reason. Write down all the reasons you left him in the notes app on your phone. All of them. Every single thing he did that bothered you or got on your nerves. Refer to this list every time you start to feel some kind of way about him. Continue to add to it. This has really helped me in the past whenever I’ve dumped a guy. It also helps to call a friend when you miss him. Just vent your f…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/04/21 06:19 PM
155

Omg disliking cats is a HUGE one. That’s even a red flag for women. Anyone who hates a beautiful, feminine creature that can’t be controlled is dangerous and at the very least has a personality disorder. Animals are wonderful and I distrust anyone who dislikes them. It’s an abomination of nature to be like that and they never care about climate collapse (we are past the climate change and climate crisis stages - it’s in full collapse now) or nature or the planet. I’m going off on a tangent rant …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/04/21 05:35 PM
89

I used to like Eminem a lot but only bc I was selective about which songs I listened to. I was still willfully blind then. His most recent album is one big women hating rant and permanently ruined him for me. He STILL isn’t over Kim and is just as mad at his mom as when he was a teenager. He’s never once attempted to see why she is the way she is. One of the songs on the album is ‘you used to be my favorite bitch’ and even though I hadn’t found FDS yet I was just done. He’s old as hell and clear…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/04/21 05:29 PM
38

Thank you for posting this. You put my exact feelings this morning into words. I’ve been here ~ a week and I’m also having a lot of memories of past abuse come up. I’ve also been commenting a ton because the dam has been opened and a deluge of feelings and realizations are pouring out. I didn’t realize how much I’d been holding back. Yesterday and today I’ve been in a deep state of grief but I’m allowing the waves to hit me and allowing myself to really feel the hurt and rage and deep sadness. I…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/04/21 05:03 PM
10

Your gut will never, ever steer you wrong. I never stick around to find out what’s setting mine off - I just get out. I like to think it’s one of my helping spirits or my ancestors watching over me, but my scientific mind knows that my brain is processing an absolutely enormous amount of information about the world around me and I’m only conscious of a tiny catered selection. Science has actually proven we can merge brain waves with people in close proximity (we can also merge with animals and e…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/04/21 03:00 PM
31

Not all men - but most
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/04/21 11:57 PM
25

Being with one is worse than staring into the abyss because it farts as it looks back at you. And cheats on you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/04/21 11:32 PM
2

I didn’t leave a guy who straight up told me he’d hurt me one day. Don’t be hard on yourself, we are brainwashed into accepting all sorts of horrible shit from men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/04/21 12:36 AM
5

This is purely hypothetical for me since I got myself permanently sterilized at the end of 2019 at 33yo. I’ve had one abortion in 2018 - how awful that was absolutely contributed to my decision to get sterilized. 2020 was one massive affirmation I did the right thing. Getting sterilized is one of the best things I’ve ever done for myself - got a bilateral salpingectomy and it was awesome. So anyway, in a pretend world where I could conceive - I would have already had this discussion with a man a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/04/21 10:03 PM
16

NGL I’ve stopped worrying so much about retirement and the future. The climate is collapsing - it isn’t just a crisis anymore. We are in global ecosystem collapse. I can’t imagine what the world will look like even just ten years from now. Plus I’m a millennial and my generation was completely robbed - first to grow up with credit scores, graduated college in ‘08, house prices are so high it may as well be for land on the moon, prior generations NEVER paid as much for health care as we have our …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/04/21 09:24 PM
4

This is why I carry an Aztec Death Whistle, a little knife, and a taser everywhere I go. I’m also wired to be feisty and confrontational. I’m 35 (the age when women get their wings) so that also makes me way more open to some necessary aggression when I need to protect myself. For real, everyone get an Aztec Death Whistle. It’s a sound weapon. I have the Carnivore version on Etsy. When you blow it, it’s extremely loud and sounds like a woman being murdered. It will draw a HUGE amount of attentio…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/04/21 07:17 PM
24

YES omg it’s like a protective inner part of me rears up and gnaws at my insides until I sort shit out in my personal life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/04/21 05:40 PM
22

This has blown my mind right open. I’ve only been on this sub for a week and it’s wild how radically I’ve changed on a deep, permanent level. It feels good knowing I’ll never go back to how I used to think about men and women. This is so true. Wtf do I get out of the arrangement? Renewed hypervigilance waiting to see what menial bullshit he flips out over? It takes time and trust for the sex to get good and I’m the vulnerable one in that situation. I’ve done so much for scrotes who never deserve…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/04/21 05:22 PM
12

What do they think is going to happen with the grandparent with a caregiver role? They’re older than parents and can’t live forever. Anyone who hasn’t prepared for the inevitability of death of a grandparent is asking for the shock and pain they experience. I practice Tibetan Buddhism (which is a way of living, not a religion!) and Meditations on Living, Dying, and Loss - aka the Tibetan Book of the Dead - would help so many people if they’d give it a chance. It teaches how to help a loved one w…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/04/21 05:04 PM
4

YES! My own mother was violent and we had this horrible enmeshed dynamic when I was growing up, so I went 3 years no contact and focused on myself and finally individuating. I needed to meet my authentic self. When I resumed contact with her (beginning of the pandemic), we had both grown and changed so much. We now have the healthy, close, loving relationship we’d both wanted the whole time. We’d each gotten a bunch of therapy and overcome the worst of our codependency and anxiety while simultan…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/04/21 11:25 PM
7

I second this. Untreated mental issues exclusively get worse over time. What you’ve experienced has rewired how your brain works and you need some professional reprogramming. There’s so much you can’t do on your own because you aren’t aware of your own cognitive distortions, biases, or the lens you view the world through. Many places have CBT and DBT groups for like $20/week. TONS of therapists have a sliding scale. I didn’t specifically look for a radical feminist therapist - I found one who is…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/04/21 08:01 PM
17

OP these books are incredible and are absolute must reads! Also agreed on finding a therapist who isn’t kink or polyamory friendly. It has been so healthy for me to simply learn what “normal” is.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/04/21 07:52 PM
4

I’m glad you found this place. I’m new but already my entire concept of kink has permanently shifted. Learn from other women, just like you are now. Find relationship role models in your real life and really pay attention to how the woman acts. I’m sure other people here have good suggestions for books and movies you could learn from. Personally I liked the Clan of the Cave Bear saga of 7 books (took me months to get through the audiobooks) for male/female behavior because the author showed a di…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/04/21 07:46 PM
2

Awww fluffy boy is sad women don’t want him. Decides he’s an authority on what others should like and what a good woman is. His poor, poor, poor SO (if he has one). If she’s lucky she’ll find her way here and escape this child. Techno is full of exceptional women artists who outperform men. Ellen Alien, Charlotte de Witte, Ida Engberg, I could go on and on. They make deep, hard, aggressive music and while they happen to be conventionally stunning, they are loved for their music - not their beaut…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/04/21 04:52 PM
3

“Not all men” needs to be followed by “but most.” It truly is most. If you have a man survey any group of 20 men, most fundamentally disrespect women and see us as less than. There has never been a time or place in my life when this wasn’t true. Yeah, of course there are good men, but they are the minority and they aren’t doing enough to stop other men from being predators.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/04/21 04:42 PM
5

Not the answer you’re looking for, but my dad never did and never would. It was a boundary my mom put down very early on in their relationship (she’s the one who told me this, not him) and he has always respected it because he loves her. I learned yesterday (from a post on this sub) that the average life span of a porn actress is 37. Not their career life span - on average they die by that age. I looked it up and it’s true. I’ve looked at it occasionally in my life but now that I’ve learned this…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/04/21 04:38 PM
2

Woman here - what you're saying is absolutely true. One of the biggest things that attracted me to my SO was that he just seemed so incredibly sure of himself. He knew who he was and had strong, well thought out and researched opinions that he could back up without being a dick about it. He didn't force his opinions on me and he is open to change if presented with strong enough evidence.
/r/seduction27/03/15 12:19 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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