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dr_rayray76 Archive

View 0 posts and 44 comments by dr_rayray76 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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1

I pretty much know where I am at. She would struggle without me, and I'd probably be better off. I know that objectively, the move is to leave. If she were a harpy cunt, like some wives I read about on here, I'd have left a long time ago. It's hard to give up your life. I have no family of my own (mostly dead), and I've been close with her family for years and years. Leaving would out an end to that. I have a relative, my age, divorced. He's got his two kids (my are already grown, and not an iss…
/r/MarriedRedPill05/07/19 12:38 AM
1

You're spot on here. I feel exactly the same way. I really like almost everything about my life, except the sex life. I was trained with the philosophy that "the enemy of good is better". That makes tossing what I have to rebuild from scratch seem daunting. There's no guarantee that I (or anyone who leaves a relatively good situation) will end up better off. If my wife was like some described in this sub, my decision would be easy. But that's not my case. We are a great, but sexless team.
/r/MarriedRedPill03/07/19 05:10 PM
1

I haven't consulted an attorney. I live in a community property state, so I'll lose half of everything I've worked for. My children are grown, so no issues there. Then lifetime alimony, because we've been married for so long. I don't plan to leave right now, but divorced is definitely on my mind these days.
/r/askMRP03/07/19 04:46 AM
1

I get this kind of shit thrown at me all the time. It's super fucking irritating, and I still have trouble STFU with this particular type of thing. Wife and I standing next to our coffee table, about to leave the house. She is holding a sealed cup of coffee. She goes to get her bag, and hands me the cup to hold, rather than just setting it down on the coffee table. I immediately put it down on the coffee table (like she should have done, if she wasn't compliance testing) and I head to the garage…
/r/askMRP01/07/19 10:45 PM
1

My wife has also said that she has no desire for sex. Even though the principles here are solid, as they say, they save the man, not necessarily the marriage. If she won't/can't meet that need, you need to go elsewhere for it or leave entirely. Just be prepared for the consequences if caught. Or ask directly for an open marriage
/r/MarriedRedPill12/06/19 06:49 AM
1

Also, you have to ask yourself if she is having an affair. I'm as sure as I can be that my wife isn't. But I would honestly be relieved if she was, because then I could leave without any guilt...
/r/MarriedRedPill12/06/19 06:43 AM
1

I see you are reeling. My situation is absolutely absurd, but similar to yours. No sex for over a decade. She is chronically ill, and blames her illness, although she functions pretty well in other facets of life. Part is menopause. Part is that she's not so attracted to me (our sex life was never great, looking back). I think I checked a lot of provider boxes for her, and she was attracted to me, but she's either not very sexual in general, or I"m not a "Chad" to her. Anyway, I stopped caring a…
/r/MarriedRedPill12/06/19 06:40 AM
1

Perhaps the question is how can you not think of your husband who communicated about having needs, that supports you, pays all of the bills and is always there for you - yet her being there for me is conditional to how she feels ? You're situation with your wife sounds similar to mine, including the ages (I'm slightly older). I've been in counseling to try and find answers. I'm very fucking desirable to women, and I can easily find what I want outside my marriage (and I recently have). I could e…
/r/MarriedRedPill12/06/19 05:45 AM
1

I wish... Then I could blow things up with no guilt.
/r/MarriedRedPill18/05/19 03:35 PM
1

I think this is the case with OP, and virtually any long term marriage. You can't expect sex with your wife of 20 years to be as intense as with a new woman. That's not to say that sex with your long term spouse can't be satisfying. It's just not going to be as "unbridled" in year 20 as in year 1. The reason to "put up" with that is that being with the mother of your children, and long term spouse has value, assuming she's not a crazy person.
/r/MarriedRedPill16/05/19 07:51 AM
1

I discovered Dave Ramsey’s baby steps, and we just implemented it. She agrees that it’s good (at least she says she does), but still wants to buy dumb shit. Dave Ramsey absolutely recommends a doing a monthly budget, and offers an app (basic version is free) to do this. If you're not doing a budget, you're not doing his program. If you are doing a budget, and she's buying stuff anyway, she's far from "on board".
/r/MarriedRedPill15/05/19 04:06 AM
1

I've given up gaming her. give me shit if you want, but the juice doesn't seem worth the squeeze. I feel you here. Your post caught my eye, because I am in a similar position - age, years married, wife is a mess. I don't honestly know what I would do at this point if my wife actually wanted sex (dead bedroom for longer than I care to admit). I'm just not attracted to her. I think she's a good person, but my feelings are platonic. I've gone outside my marriage a couple of times, so I know I've st…
/r/MarriedRedPill15/05/19 03:52 AM
1

Although less than ideal, increasing the volume (sets/reps/supersets) to failure can help you get by until you can get to a proper gym.
/r/MarriedRedPill14/05/19 01:15 AM
1

Here's my feedback. I feel sorry for your wife. ​ You're a fucking mess. This sub and all the associated materials stresses becoming a high value man. Where does drug use fit into that? You give yourself all kinds of excuses to use, going so far as to play amateur psychiatrist on yourself, and diagnose all your first world "trauma" to justify "self-medicating". I wouldn't hire you to clean my toilets....I can't believe someone is legally bound to you.
/r/MarriedRedPill03/05/19 07:43 AM
1

Thanks for commenting. I'm taking things one day at a time. Looking to the future was driving me crazy. I have no idea how it will go for me. The ideal would be for my wife to eventually come around, but I'm not optimistic about that. My recent experience has made the outcome less important to me, as I know I'll be fine however things go.
/r/MarriedRedPill24/04/19 08:47 PM
1

OYS #2 It's been four months since I originally posted. Some things have changed, others haven't. Here is my original post: OYS 1 ​ Stats: Age 55, 6'0" 175 lbs Deadlift (hex bar) 335x5, 350x2, Bench 225x6, Squat 265x5 ​ Read NMMNG, MMSLP, SGM ​ Mission: To rediscover myself. What I like. What brings me pleasure. What interests me. What my goals are for the time I have left. Just me. Not anyone else. And to go do those things. ​ Career: I'm in a new group practice (as of Feb 2019), and its going …
/r/MarriedRedPill24/04/19 02:11 AM
13

It is amazing how delusional some can be. Every behavior OP describes in his post is pure beta, yet he sees himself as alpha.
/r/askMRP12/04/19 05:03 PM
2

The new Jedi being a female is not ironic, it's intentional.
/r/askMRP23/03/19 05:27 PM
2

I've been married for almost 30 years. I met my wife after medical school, after internship, and I married in my second year of a four year residency. I purposely never dated a female med student (although I slept with quite a few), because I was totally dedicated to school, and I knew she would be too. That would leave basically zero time for a relationship. Your girlfriend sounds like she is similarly dedicated, so she wouldn't have much time for you. My wife was not at all career oriented, an…
/r/askMRP07/02/19 08:08 AM
1

The less obvious problem here, is even if you do move with her, she will be exhausted and almost completely unavailable to you because of school and post-graduate residency training, for the next 7-10 years. Source: I lived it.
/r/askMRP07/02/19 05:25 AM
1

Why would I argue if someone is right? I'm the one here in a sexless marriage asking for advice. If I had all the answers, I wouldn't have posted.
/r/MarriedRedPill03/12/18 12:50 AM
2

I see your point about dread in older women. My wife has commented how bad she feels for her divorced 50 year old friends who have very limited options. I've gotten everyone's message loud and clear, that I need to make big changes. I've just gotten started, reading Athol Kay's book, and I should probably re- read NMMNG.
/r/MarriedRedPill03/12/18 12:47 AM
1

Very clear and detailed. I appreciate this. I'm not looking for an easy way out when I say I'm not sure that her re-engaging as my sexual partner is even possible. I won't know for sure until I get to work, but the fact that our sex life was never great, even early in our marriage. I knew going in , and it's totally on me that I went ahead and married her anyway. I thought her other good qualities (and she has a lot of those) would make up for mediocre sex. My nice guy upbringing led me to truly…
/r/MarriedRedPill03/12/18 12:40 AM
1

My profession isn't on the profile I had up (I took it down after a few days). There was a photo of me shirtless on there on the beach (even though someone else on here commented that my lifts aren't much, I look fucking great because I'm plenty muscular and symmetric, with low BF%, especially for my age), and another shot from a distance (not showing my face). I suspect if I had put my profession on there the response from the golddigger crowd would have been huge. I understand what you're sayi…
/r/MarriedRedPill03/12/18 12:21 AM
1

"The rule of thumb is to spend at least one month on a dread level before progressing to the next. I think for guys like us that have 20+ years of betadom to undo, even a little longer." I can see that you clearly have been where I am, and know what I'm going through, and what I need to start doing to try and change things. You're right, I can see now that I'm definitely scrambling, and going about this in an incoherent way. When I take a step back and look at myself, I see just how much of myse…
/r/MarriedRedPill01/12/18 05:11 PM
1

I hadn't noticed, but you're right. That says a lot right there.
/r/MarriedRedPill01/12/18 12:55 AM
1

You're right, and I have started to do my own thing more and more, never asking for permission, never being tied to a schedule to come home. I've also started ignoring her last second requests to do something around the house or pick something up when I'm out. Small steps. I also appreciate all the actionable suggestions, and I can see how the things you discussed would help. In this case, my wife almost never feels well enough to participate in activities. We rarely make plans, because more oft…
/r/MarriedRedPill30/11/18 10:36 PM
1

Wow, I'm really sorry to hear this. Sounds like you have been through a lot with your wife. My story really isn't nearly as serious as yours. My wife has a chronic infection that has left her with chronic fatigue type symptoms. I know it's not BS, because unlike the usual "chronic fatigue syndrome" I've seen my wife's lab test, and they show evidence of a malaria- like infection, that, like malaria, can be active or dormant. One of her reasons for not having sex is she doesn't want to infect me …
/r/MarriedRedPill30/11/18 10:29 PM
1

Sorry, you're right, I misspoke about Dread. After looking at things, it's going to be a difficult task. I've been so reliable and predictable (the quintessential beta bux provider) that there is absolutely no fear in anyone that I would ever do something "wrong", like have an affair or leave. I have to be careful though, because changing from a compliant doormat to IDGAF will cause a lot of conflict, and may end up in the end of the marriage anyway. I'm still not sure about my motivation behind…
/r/MarriedRedPill30/11/18 10:24 PM
1

Thanks for the reality check and advice. I am still running around, looking for people to tell me I'm not a bad person for wanting certain things. I'll start looking into the details of what a divorce will mean to me financially. As you point out, I'm still in the prime of my career (back end, but still at full strength), and will be able to recover. I live in a community property state with lifetime alimony after 10 years of marriage, so I think I have an idea, but if I know for sure, it will h…
/r/MarriedRedPill30/11/18 10:16 PM
1

Absolutely. I'm trying to figure that out on here, and have gotten a lot of helpful feedback so far. You are absolutely right that I did this, and that undoing almost 30 years of this behavior is going to be a long process, if it's even possible at all.
/r/MarriedRedPill30/11/18 10:12 PM
1

One thing I've absorbed by lurking here for so long is that I'm the problem, as you say. I'm going to reread the Dread materials and start from the beginning. Thanks for the kick in the ass.
/r/MarriedRedPill30/11/18 04:21 AM
1

You have distilled my situation to it's essence. How do you game someone who has become like a sister to me? How to run Dread on a sweet person, who doesn't shit test, and is incredibly honest? I feel like your last thought is exactly right. There is zero tension. I don't ever see her flirting with men, or doing anything inappropriate online. Nothing. I'm going to listen to what I'm being told, and work back to Level 1 and see what happens. Meanwhile I've got this unbelievably sexy, younger woma…
/r/MarriedRedPill30/11/18 04:18 AM
1

That's true. I do it because I like it. I have always done my own investing as well, with solid results, even through the disaster in 2007-2008. We have pretty well defined roles in my marriage, almost 1950's traditional style, and it works. I don't want to overstate, but as I go through the comments I'm realizing that we lack the conflict in our marriage that a lot of other guys report. I also wonder if age is an issue. Can you work dread on a very cute, but 56 year old Post menopausal woman. I…
/r/MarriedRedPill30/11/18 04:07 AM
1

I hear you. Honestly, my marriage gives me companionship (no sex, we are good friends), and keeps my kids liking me. They are older, so I'm not sure how they would react to a divorce - who they would side with. my wife and I are close to both our kids, so I suspect we would both be able to maintain good relationships with them, but I think I would be blamed and would have to overcome that. Not impossible, I know. Objectively, I am attractive to a lot of women right now, maybe for beta bux reason…
/r/MarriedRedPill29/11/18 11:38 PM
1

I guess I was mistaken. I thought I saw a lot of posts over there from very young guys. Just realized I was thinking of askTRP, not askMRP. My apologies.
/r/MarriedRedPill29/11/18 11:26 PM
1

What I meant by not a typical OYS, is that it's missing some of the details and sections that the typical posts I see here have. I didn't mean that I'm special, or my wife is special. If anything, I see myself in a lot of the issues guys on here post about, which is what lead my to do it (look at my history, this is the first time I've ever posted, even though I've read subreddits as a guest for years. I have also come to agree with your statement that my wife has already violated her wedding vo…
/r/MarriedRedPill29/11/18 11:10 PM
1

You are completely right. She knows I'm not the "kind of guy" that would cheat or leave. That thought brings her great comfort, I'm sure, but it also causes a platonic love, not a sexual one. She often tells me that I'm her bet friend, and I always used to think that was a good thing. Now that I've been here, not so much.
/r/MarriedRedPill29/11/18 10:53 PM
1

I guess I gave the wrong impression. I do control everything at home, but part of the reason is because my wife has no interest in the finances, etc. I wouldn't say I talk at her at all. Even though I take care of it all, I always get her input on big decisions, and she will often have good ideas that I'll use. I was just trying to point out that I'm in control in some ways, but as others have pointed out, I still live to please her and get her approval, at the end of the day. Posting here has b…
/r/MarriedRedPill29/11/18 10:51 PM
1

Good call here. It's a combination of both. But you're right, it's probably more the fear of being a "bad guy" in the eyes of my wife and others if I get caught. The money is the money, and it would suck to lose half or more of what I (and I alone) accumulated over my career. I blessed to be able to make more, but it would add a few years to my working life (no early retirement). The cheating per se isn't directed at my wife. I'm just unbelievably horny, especially since I started TRT a few year…
/r/MarriedRedPill29/11/18 10:43 PM
1

My marriage, I think, is a source of comfort. I've been married to my wife for my entire adult life. I suppose I fear the unknown, even though I know I would be perfectly fine without her. I also fear the amount the divorce will cost me. As far as being more attractive, I'm always trying to do that. I got a hot woman who I've been taking to, and we are planning to hook up as soon as I can get away (work schedule is keeping me tied down for the next few days). So, I appreciate you advice, and I g…
/r/MarriedRedPill29/11/18 10:39 PM
1

I appreciate the comment. I have read the side bar, including the 12 steps of dread. And you are correct, she has absolutely no fear of losing me, because I'm a "good guy" who would "never cheat". She has also said she would divorce me immediately if I did cheat. I am at dread level 5, but should I follow all 12 steps? I know my wife well enough to know that it is extremely difficult to make her jealous. She's just a very secure person, and I've certainly help make her that way with me over the …
/r/MarriedRedPill29/11/18 08:27 AM
1

"If you prefer to operate like a beta in my frame rather than your wife's, have at it." I appreciate your reply. Would you still say I totally lack frame if I control absolutely everything that goes on in my home at this point? I don't do any housework of any kind, I don't cook, clean, do laundry, etc (my wife does it all, no housekeeper). That I come and go as I please, and never have to answer to 'mommy'? That I not only control all the finances, but my wife has no clue as to what I do, and no…
/r/MarriedRedPill29/11/18 07:15 AM
1

OYS weekly #1 Statistics: Age 55. Height 6’0”. Weight 172. Lifts this week: Bench press 225x2, DL (hex bar) 325x2, Squat 250x5. I’ve been lifting consistently for many many years, and this is where I am in my mid-fifties. I’ve been encouraged to compete in the Master’s Physique division of a bodybuilding show this spring by my daughter, who competes in the bikini division (would need to cut to about 165 to have a decent showing). Background: I’m a physician, with over 25 years in practice. I’ve …
/r/MarriedRedPill29/11/18 12:17 AM
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