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dubbbyac Archive

View 1 post and 55 comments by dubbbyac on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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1

Or trying to off themselves attempting to escape their ball and chain.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/21 03:47 PM
5

16 years here... I loved her. Still do, but we will never be again. I've accepted that. The pain occasionally lingers but it doesn't affect my current relationship or . Eventually I found healthy ways to distract myself. Anytime I felt something negative I went to the gym. I lost 80 lbs in a year time. I started looking for a hobby that added value to me and me alone. I started Brazilian jiu jitsu and challenged myself everyday to be better than I ever was. I stayed busy, I found new freinds, st…
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/20 10:21 PM
1

Working out. Focused on me. Do things I didn't normally do. I said yes a lot instead of no. I started jiu jitsu. Seriously ine of the best things I did. Highly recommend it.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/20 12:22 PM
2

Definitely the hardest thing I've went through. It's okay to struggle and be upset, just remember this stuff kills weaker men.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/20 03:01 PM
3

You will struggle, just accept it. It gets easier, be patient with yourself. By all means man, give it a shot! I also got into a "relationship" while fresh out, my situation was much different, and the gal I got with was overall a terrible match for me, master manipulator, and compulsive liar... I was so desperate and needy I missed (or better to say IGNORED) all the red flags. Don't allow yourself to screw it up.. stay busy and stay focused on YOU. Thats the hard part. We are wired to be protec…
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/20 01:10 PM
3

First. I made a huge mistake of jumping from a relationship right into another. Give yourself time man, you don't need to end what you got by no means. However if it ends, give yourself time. Learn to be single, learn to take care of and entertain yourself. I found myself relying on someone else to take the loneliness and silence away. It got exhausting. Im 33 and was with my ex for 16 years. I never had that opportunity in life and it was my biggest challenge I ever faced. Shit does suck. It ab…
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/20 12:58 PM
1

Give it time my man. Find your own path. For me what started easing my mind was eating healthy, working out, journaling, and jiu jitsu. For the first timenin my life I invested in myself, I made decisions that were best for me. It took me a while to understand that.. but here I am. Those 4 things fit what I needed.. to overcome the silence and emptiness. Find something that adds value to your life. Not drinking with your buds, not picking up chicks at the bar, not smoking weed and playing video …
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/20 12:24 PM
5

Just reading this makes me feel like I'm about to trigger a PTSD attack... I missed it all myself. I figured we were maturing in our own ways.. little did I know my world was on the verge of being flipped upside down and screwed backwards
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/20 11:52 PM
1

Sounds like a lot of work... unless it's a hefty loan.. I'd do as previously stated... I work in the auto dealer world.. its rarely as easy as "duplicating" a key.
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/20 04:27 AM
1

Im.not officially divorced.. they asked us to be removed from to dockett due to the virus. Which is investable. We seperated in may and I moved to a new town in August. Still with all that time away.. its tough after 16 years.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/20 01:27 PM
1

Yeah. It took me awhile. I miss it.. but I dont crave it like I did. I was feeling unstoppable a month ago.. than the stay at home order came, and completely ruined my routine. It's set me back some.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/20 03:38 AM
7

I FEEL THIS. I went through all this. Still struggle with the realization our relationship is over. Still feel like "its gonna be nice when this all blows over and we can be back together again". Its tough to be alone.. I do pretty good with it now. I'm comfortable with it, but I do miss a companion. And I ain't had sex since August.. ugh
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/20 09:34 PM
3

I would have argued it before.. but now I see it. I do beleive however that they're are women whose morals are strong enough to see our loyalty and match it. This is what I hope to find. Men are guilty of infidelity as well.. but their mentality behind it is completely different, and usually sex based.. and many from my experience that I know personally, do not wish to leave their partner. Its bizarre.
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/20 07:41 PM
3

It's okay to believe and hope for truthful long term love. I do believe it's possible, but the expectations need to be realistic. This is (from my experience) what women dont have. I think many people fail to realize these days is love, relationships, and sex evolve over time. It's a cycle. It will happen, its important to accept that. Love is always most intense at the peak of the relationship. Sex is always the most exciting (even though not always the best) at the beginning of the relationshi…
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/20 06:14 PM
4

Pretty much sums it up. It really is fun when its going right, and the right person brings balance to your life....however, it doesnt mean it will last forever.
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/20 03:48 PM
5

Man that sounds rough.. I couldnt imagine This is my biggest fear as I move on... the main reason I'm dragging my feet to file and completing the divorce without a final heart to heart conversation... Goodluck and godspeed
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/20 10:52 PM
1

Men get extra stupid around women.. ask me how I know.
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/20 09:25 PM
1

She revealed it to me... Lord knows I need some luck.. Thanks
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/20 09:14 PM
1

That's part of why we are going to talk... shes been really good handling herself, but shes not very educated with finance. So I'm going to go help her and see what we can come up with. Luckily she's got a good career, she feels guilty of everything she put me through (she had an affair) and she completely lost all sense of responsibility. So She's working hard to prove herself. Our house has been on the market for months. If we get that out of the way she will be much better.. Its gonna get mes…
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/20 03:03 PM
1

I could be freinds with my stbx... and we both want that..However we are still vulnerable and navigating our feelings.. so we try to keep distance so we dont get wrapped up in eachother.. We seperated in may.. and frankly I'm not sure we want to be divorced. I dont know where we stand. We are having that conversation Sunday. I want to be with her, but I'm a better man on my own. I fear we get back together things will go back to what they were.. neither her nor I want that.
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/20 12:36 AM
2

Sign up for something social that will put you out of your comfort zone. I started jiu jitsu, you cant do it alone.. I'm not going out slinging beers with them yet... but it's a good way to hang for an hour, learn, look like a fool, all that good shit.
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/20 03:56 PM
2

Dude, so glad to hear all that. I'm stoked to see your doing well and pushing ahead. As always feel free to message me.
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/20 05:06 PM
4

Dude! You start jiu jitsu? This dude literally shared the roadmap to healing..
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/20 06:44 AM
5

Dude.. been lifting and working out since she revealed the affair. Started BJJ in December.. I'm in love.. will have my first stripe Saturday I bought a new guitar so I can grow my.love.for music again.. Focused on my job more than ever... The only thing I do you didnt saying journal. I joutnal everything. Good days. Bad days. Boring days. What I felt. Emotions. Fears. When I right it down and go back and read it.. I can see the progress. You literally laid out my healing strategy.. I can tell y…
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/20 06:38 AM
9

16-33.. I was 16 when we got together.. 33 as we wait to end it. I feel ya man. She was my best freind. I miss her everyday I do better everyday. Working out, focusing on work, trying new things and meeting new people have grounded me. I struggle everyday.. hell, I cried today. We have been seperated since May. 2019 was the worst year of my life.
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/20 04:26 AM
3

It's tough. My stbx and I were together 16 years after she revealed the affair. It shattered my world.. but I found ways to grow from it.. I become a better man everyday as time goes on. If you need anything message me. I've literally talked to dozens of guys here on reddit, from similar situations. Goodluck and godspeed
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/20 01:52 AM
3

I agree with it's better to be the one to file.. But I also agree to not rush it. Hurrying the process will not make it any easier. My ex rushed it and it just costed her money... if its amicable.. (mine is) take your time. Luckily my stbx doesnt want to take my income.. we are now 9 months seperated. It's about time for me to file.. I put it off way too long but I didnt want too do it when I was overly emotional.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/20 01:58 AM
1

She already does...16 years together, it's all catching up to her and sinking in. She tells me everytime I see her she will never find another man that treated her as good as I did.. and frankly I agree. I literally would have died for her. However I could have been a better husband. I will not argue that. I ate like a clydesdale other wise that would be 100lbs. It's an absolute victory.. my body feels good, my mind feels a little better everyday, my soul is healing. Physical activity literally …
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/20 03:49 AM
1

She revealed the affair jan 2, 2019. My new years resolution was to work on us as a couple... which quickly changed to work my ass off in the gym.. she made me change my life.. in a way I despise it.. in a way I'm grateful. Now imI do 3x a week jiu jitsu 3x a week workout in the gym... 318 lbs now down to 258.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/20 02:28 AM
1

Number 2 and number 4 are life changers.l for a man in your situation. Number 2 I still struggle.. after my wife revealed the affair and her erratic behavior leading up to and after.. she herself now agrees she was not mentally stable.. I tried to tell her his.. which usually led her to call me out for thinking she was crazy. Also, dated a girl who had an obsession and addiction to sexual attention. She literally would seduce guys and then manipulate and bread crumb them with sex while she moved…
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/20 02:02 AM
8

I'm really one to reflect and see the positive that came out of it for me. Backstory. We were together since we were 16, 16 years together then she cheated.. at least twice then left after she revealed it.. I havent really pinpointed why she left. I think it was because of shame and guilt. Anyways it pushed me to change. I lost 60lbs last year. I started Brazilian jiu jitsu. I've become increasingly better at my job. It pushed me to learn to be a single self sufficient man, when I never had that…
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/20 12:58 AM
3

My story is very similar. My wife had an affair and left. However she didnt leave to be with someone else. She does see other people as I did during our seperation. Anyways when I first learned of it I put my ass in gear. Worked hard, tried to spend time, went to the gym, did everything I could... but it was too late. I did all these things at first to "save my marriage" but once I realized it was too late I realized I needed to do these things, to save myself. I lost 60 lbs sinc dec of 18. I co…
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/20 08:32 PM
1

In my situation empathy kicked in 2 times.. when she seen me upset and months down the road when she realized she had pushed the only people that really accepted her. Her REAL freinds and family. This is the stage she is in now. Something certainly changed in her. U must admit the time leading up to this I was I In a rough patch myself. I was her support and rock... when I faulted she looked elsewhere, instead of being my rock.. She felt she was suppressed for most of her life as an adult... cou…
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/20 01:22 PM
1

I dont completely disagree with some of this. If you beleive some people never have the thought of having sex with another person while married. YOU ARE WRONG. Some people just find themselves in the right situation to act on it. I also beleive that some women lack confidence until their 30s. When the realize they have a few years of sexual market place value left.. they panic. Regardless anyone who cheats has no justifiable reason to.. there is no expectations.
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/20 04:30 AM
1

Never did.. one was an internet fling that travelled for a living. He was driving through our area she met him 2.5 hours away. The second was a one night wtand.. I don't know who or what. The one she was dating.. never met.. ahe said he was "just like me" it was absolutely insulting to hear her say that.. She never had anything serious with anyone. No kids.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/20 12:33 AM
3

Bro. Its limerence not love. There is a difference. You dont know her anymore. She changed, you changed, it changes your relationship and that's why you end up where you are. You know my story. Just be as positive as you can. The pain will not stop. It will hurt, but it will lessen.. it's okay to be upset. Let yourself feel whatever it is you are feeling. Let it pass. Honestly, it's better this than her staying with you and this POSSIBLE affair continued. Emphasis on the possible, I know through…
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/20 05:56 PM
1

Thanks I'm okay. I let myself feel it and it goes away. I'm not gonna sugar coat it.. when it hits me it gets me hard. It really takes a stronger man to admit these issues versus a weaker one that suppresses it.. being alone is my biggest struggle.. I've never been a single adult male. I've never lived alone. This is all new to me.
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/19 01:34 PM
3

Eek.. her my wifes mom told her "some things you take to your grave"... not the kind of family I want to be associated with
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/19 02:59 AM
6

Man.. I dont know the specifics but it sounds very familiar to me. My wife had an affair and thata how this road started for me. We were freinds for 24 years, together forb16, and married for 10.. we are both 33. I lost my best and only freind. She brought me papers in October, however did not have our assets divided at all. So I refused until we can discuss this and put it in writing. I will say I've been seperated since may. Some days are better than others but overall I do alright. It does ge…
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/19 10:02 PM
3

One of my favorite quotes that relates to my relationship history as of late. Shes not yours it's just your turn.
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/19 06:41 PM
3

We were married 16 years.. she changed drastically... she had an affair and completely disregarded my feelings and her own reputation.. now it's sinking in. Now she realizes what she had, what she lost, and what shes now lacking in her life.. she has hit rock bottom, she is really struggling with it, she calls me to comfort her... she feels she has lost everyone she had to talk to and be there for her.. she pushed everyone away.. I would love to be back with her.. but I tried hard, I did everyth…
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/19 06:29 PM
1

She was scared, shes a pretty strong woman.. and for her to be scared from depression it was enough for me to justify myself to at least listen to her. It doesn't matter what she did to me, I'll always care about her.
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/19 04:38 AM
0

Shit I've been turning those down too.
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/19 02:07 PM
-1

I feel ya... was.married to by bestnfreind 1ldorn16 years before she had a n affair.. not much phases me after that Read my post history about my FWB... it's the wild fucking west out there.. my ass is just gonna go solo for a while
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/19 04:39 AM
1

Thank you for your service. I completely agree to that. I wont let her drag me down.. that I have already promised myself.. and I made that clear to her as well. However if simply listening and telling her what helped me lifts her up, it will lift me up too. I think it will help me heal. I'm not being her person. I havent talked to her for 3 or so days.. my last conversation was. Are you doing better? Her response was Yes. Thank you. Thanks.
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/19 06:10 PM
1

I give her VERY little. Financially we split the mortgage.. that's it. The only other thing was when she was feeling depressed I gave her an ear. Personally I'd give up anything and everything, to be known as a good man. My reputation as one means more to me than anything. Thank you
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/19 11:49 AM
1

I treat messages just as you state.. maybe a week between. Maybe a few long messages.. and if I know shes in a rough spot a follow up message asking if shes doing better the following morning. Divorce is being worked on. I'm in contact with legal counsel and it's in process. I'm focusing on making my life better, a piece of paper will not make me feel any better, but I do know it can be invaluable in these situations. We are completely amicable.. I'm not concerned about her screwing me over. Its…
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/19 11:32 PM
2

I dont know whatasking her to honor onto things menas. Please elaborate. You obviously dont understand the context of our relationship. If you did you would not call this abusive. It's not the slightest bit of abuse. I have every right and realize I do to not answer her text, or phone calls. This isnt a common occurence.. and is the first time weve had a discussion like this in MONTHS. She is not manipulating me, she is not asking for money, ahe is not begging for forgiveness or another chance. …
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/19 07:40 PM
1

I dont want to go back. Sometimes I feel I do.. and frankly I dont know if that's what she wants.. I think shes in the same boat I am which is just missing the comfort we had with eachother. Thanks
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/19 07:30 PM
3

Hmm. Kinda disagree. I ve only seen her 4 or 5 times since I moved out in august. Usually bringing me things she finds that I asked her too keep an eye out for. I live an hour away.. so it's very rare. Messages are business related, bills, mortgage, dogs. That's is it. Her well being is important to me.. however being her caretaker will not be my priority er again. I need her to be able to support herself as our credit is still intertwined. Im not involved in her drama at all. The only thing I h…
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/19 05:43 PM
1

I know exactly what MGTOW is. I am not relying on her for anything. I'm not relying on anyone woman for anything. However, she needs help. She needs an ear. She needs a shoulder. I'm trying to find a balance of being a freind for her and continuing working on myself. Thanks.
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/19 02:32 PM
2

All I need to read is MGTOW, to know what their input will be. I respect anyone who wants to live that lifestyle, but I am not that man. Thank you for the reply
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/19 05:41 AM
4

She should be happy with you.. whether your childless or with a litter, a dog or a cat, a mansion or a cardboard box... if shes not I would be questioning it too. My marriage went in a similar fashion. Let's get this, leta get that, I'm tired if this house.. blah blah blah.. eventually after we bought everything we ever dreamt of and we talked about kids but thankfully it never materialized ... we stopped back and realized we had other issues... then she had an affair.. and it all went downhill …
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/19 01:34 PM
1

Roll with it.. I had a similar dilemma.. that evolved into a clusterfuck, read my post history if you're curious. Eventually I realized she was lying an manipulating me. So I cut it off.. officially we were just FWB, but I got in so deep that I couldnt focus on actually finding a relationship as long as she and I had eachothers attention. Ahe had all of mine.. I had VERY little of hers. But it actually helped me realize these women were not my wife. They didnt have to be loyal to me. I realized …
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/19 03:55 PM
2

I'm half way between you and cali, but I feel the same way. I finally opened up to my work freinds after about 6 months of hiding the hell I was facing. It helped a lot. Good luck. Post up, message me, check in, whatever helps I'd be willing to help you out. It's been rough, she revealed the affair in January.. and its just gone down hill. We seperated in may, my home is on the market, I'm living in my camper, the divorce is proceeding, and I'm doing pretty damn good. I'm proud of myself. Give y…
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/19 02:01 AM
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