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dunkelrein Archive

View 3 posts and 38 comments by dunkelrein on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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6

I respect that the existence of the child is a painful reminder to you. But that's not the problem. Had the child not been conceived/born, your husband would be as much of a liar and cheater (perhaps more so).
/r/RedPillWomen15/08/20 04:38 AM
9

"unnecessary drama"? No. Hell Naw. *He* created the drama with his cheating and dishonesty. Unless you have an established and recent history of impulsive arson, there's no reason why you should not be able to ride with him to pick up the child.
/r/RedPillWomen15/08/20 04:34 AM
1

Without more input from you about the overall dynamic, it's hard to say whether the sex you have is rape or not. Does he in subtle, or not-so-subtle ways suggest that you have to have sex with him, or he will harm, neglect (in serious ways), and/or disrespect you or the kids? Does he force you, at times, to have sex with him, or badger you in really intense ways until you give in? If you can say no to all of those things all of the time, then I find it hard to argue that you are being raped with…
/r/RedPillWomen10/12/19 05:16 AM
1

Having a therapist won't necessarily keep you from getting triggered in the future. If you feel like you're loving yourself and living your best life, then trust that -- especially if you have honest relationships with wise friends for feedback. Also - applause/kudos/congratulations on your self-love and healing. Even if you do have issues in the future around your trauma, I'm sure you'll have a wellspring of strength and experience to draw on from the work you've already done. FYI, if you ever …
/r/RedPillWomen22/09/19 04:12 AM
1

Maybe. We'll have to talk about that. Honestly, I'm quite open to that.
/r/RedPillWomen04/07/19 05:16 PM
1

I don't know. He's the one who came up with the idea of closing things for awhile. But maybe he's having second thoughts? I'd think he'd just say something, but maybe it's eating at him . . .
/r/RedPillWomen04/07/19 05:03 PM
2

So, we're taking a break from poly for a while, maybe indefinitely. That hasn't been part of our dynamic since we married. I've really identified with redpill thinking for the last couple of years, and it's strongly improved how I relate to my male partners, and now to my husband. But, perhaps the poly piece is playing more of a role than I realize . . . I also like the idea of giving things a definite time limit before moving to a step like counseling.
/r/RedPillWomen04/07/19 03:59 PM
1

I do know he's hit a wall with work. He's well-paid, but finds the work boring. But because it pays so well, he's hesitant to leave. I work, though I make about half of what he makes. Still, we don't live an extravagant lifestyle and we don't have plans for kids, so we could get by with much less. That's a good thought, maybe the boredom is weighing on him more than I realized. I'll wait a bit after he comes back and schedule a time to gently bring it up.
/r/RedPillWomen04/07/19 03:49 PM
0

One was a typo from a year ago (I put 33 accidentally). The other confusing post is because we are poly, and until about a year ago, I had another partner.
/r/RedPillWomen04/07/19 03:30 PM
1

It was preplanned. He and his HS friends have done a hiking/camping trip around this time every year. I don't think he's met up with anyone on the trip. The sudden loss of interest and investment is what worries me.
/r/RedPillWomen04/07/19 02:06 PM
1

That's what I keep thinking/ wondering! I asked him, and he denied that anything is going on at all. I keep a careful journal, and nothing has shown up there, either.
/r/RedPillWomen04/07/19 01:31 PM
8

I've wondered about there being someone else. Sex has been good up to the last couple times we've been together. Then I couldn't cum (which is unusual for me), but he also wasn't giving much foreplay. Thanks, everyone. This is giving me a lot to think about.
/r/RedPillWomen04/07/19 11:26 AM
3

How old are your kids? It's really hard to make good decisions and manage emotions on that little sleep. I know it's hard as a mom, but I'd encourage you to consider the sleep issue as the primary problem (at least temporarily), and try to find a way to get at least 5-6 consecutive hours.
/r/RedPillWomen29/06/19 12:07 AM
3

I had similar things going on in my last long-term relationship. Throughout the relationship, my ex kept saying that I didn't respect him and I didn't agree with him. It was only after breaking up, and meeting my now-husband that I realized what respect feels like: in all major areas of life, I believe that my husband can make decisions that are as good or better than mine. I might not agree with all of them, but I think that the processes and ideas that he uses to make his calls are at least as…
/r/RedPillWomen29/06/19 12:01 AM
4

I can see how the HS sweetheart thing feels awkward, but I don't think it's an insult. In the context of the other stuff, I just see it as him wanting a family life and wishing he had gotten on that sooner. This guy is probably just bad with words, and things come out wonky. Definitely agree about setting an end date!
/r/RedPillWomen07/05/19 08:37 PM
3

My fiance is very similar: I found out he loved me, because he told his mother and his mother told me! LDRs are hard when one of you has a words of affirmation love language (or physical touch), and the other has an acts of service one. Since the day-to-day aspect of your relationship consists of words, it's hard to relay love and connection. If you haven't been too naggy about it lately, you might explain exactly the kinds of things you need to hear and how often. Then just leave it at that. Fo…
/r/RedPillWomen07/05/19 08:29 PM
1

Some people feel entitled to their spouse's labor, so he may not be registering all of your work as support. To be clear: I think it's nothing less than shameful that he didn't acknowledge your contributions. As you are also an academic, you could argue that this is a real professional problem as well. You'd be justified in telling him off, and withdrawing that kind of help indefinitely. But if your relationship is your priority, then it's crucial to understand how he experienced things, no matt…
/r/RedPillWomen05/04/19 02:16 PM
2

In many ways gratitude and respect are habits of mind as much or more than they are inspired states. Sometimes I get out of the gratitude and respect habit, and I have to gratitude journal my way back in before I can even make a clear judgement about the actual merits of a relationship (or job, house, whatever).
/r/RedPillWomen04/04/19 07:48 PM
2

My fiance was like this in the beginning (with the exception of the parent thing -- I had met his parents). At about the 6 month mark, I did sit him down and say 'In order to be happy and my best in a relationship, I need x, y, and z.' Then I waited. Slowly, but surely, over the next few weeks, x, y, and z started showing up in his own way. You might also pull back from making dates with him. Keep texting him at the same rate, happy things asking him about his day, and telling him about the fun …
/r/RedPillWomen04/04/19 07:37 PM
11

I know that you've worked hard to help him through this phase, but it may be possible that he hasn't experienced you as supportive. I've been in academia, and had a partner in it before, and it's hard on couples -- especially that dissertation/job search phase. As a partner, it's easy to wear yourself out giving a partner a lot of practical support, when what your man is really interested in is unconditionally pleasant companionship. You said he was hard to live with at times. I believe it. And …
/r/RedPillWomen04/04/19 06:59 PM
2

How are you relying on him? For money? For your life organization? For companionship? For reassurance? If you stay at home and watch TV, because you like TV, you could go on meetup.com and find a group to go see movies with. There are some fun women-only groups who marathon shows and talk about them.
/r/RedPillWomen04/04/19 06:30 PM
1

No OCD diagnosis, but I've had similar issues with a partner -- insisting on being right, even about small things, wearing out conflict topics, beating dead horses, criticizing, etc. I don't like the 'screws' part. Like others have said, making an ultimatum (especially such a vague one) to woman, pregnant with your child is not conducive to your emotional safety, and does not inspire trust. Still, before you can make a call on your husband, you need to clear your side of the street as best as yo…
/r/RedPillWomen28/03/19 05:23 PM
2

This is all so true -- thank you for the perspective about the time frame, too. I've been holding back on getting myself new clothes because I've been so down on myself about the weight gain. But now I see it's a big part of feeling and getting better <3
/r/RedPillWomen28/03/19 05:02 PM
4

Weight loss has really been a great self-reflection experience for this reason. The process is so similar to other kinds of self-assessment/responsibility taking (budgeting, for example).
/r/RedPillWomen28/03/19 05:00 PM
2

That's been my first thought -- take care of all the little details, lookswise. I had overlooked teeth whitening -- that would really help. Thanks!
/r/RedPillWomen28/03/19 04:58 PM
1

Thank you! My weight gain was very much connected to mental health issues and emotional eating (as well as meds that increased my appetite). Journaling and meditation have been my big tools in dealing with stress, but I like the idea of the enneagram and different agendas -- will look into it! ​
/r/RedPillWomen28/03/19 04:54 PM
3

5x/week workouts, calorie counting and avoiding carbs. Lots of water drinking and journaling to curb my emotional eating patterns. It's simple, but I've lost 20 already, so it works for me. ​
/r/RedPillWomen28/03/19 04:52 PM
1

Thanks for sharing that article! It'll help me this season ;-) Topics that work for me around people who aren't very like-minded: -pets and children, as applicable -food -the drive to wherever anyone is traveling -hobbies (depending on what they are) Some people want to be contentious, regardless, and will turn any topic in that direction. You just have to smile and move on from those types. ​
/r/RedPillWomen06/12/18 08:40 PM
1

Even in teams, one person takes the lead -- even if the leaders switch off, depending on who's better at a specific part of the project. Another consideration is that "teamwork" is effective in *teams*, where the point isn't as much the dynamic between team members, or the happiness of individual team members, but efficiently accomplishing one very specific result at a time. The team disintegrates once the mission is accomplished. Many people want their marriages/relationships to last over the c…
/r/RedPillWomen10/09/18 08:42 PM
1

Allison Armstrong's work was a life and relationship saver for me! I'd love to see more people on here get into it.
/r/RedPillWomen10/09/18 08:30 PM
–

If dust is a general issue, and not just the floors, try an air filter. I used to live with cats in a dusty century-old building, and running the filter a few hours daily, made it so I rarely had to dust, and I had fewer allergy issues too. Best $100 spent ever.
/r/RedPillWomen09/09/18 06:02 PM
2

You know this isn't distant past, right? He got into his promiscuous phase when he was 21, and he's just 23 now. It doesn't sound like he got intensive help, either.
/r/RedPillWomen19/08/18 10:37 PM
1

Does he do computer stuff? The chopping wood can easily be translated to building a computer.
/r/RedPillWomen27/07/18 10:40 PM
5

My partner has moody times (some difficult circumstances + mental health stuff) off and on. One of the things he appreciates during low times is me creating low-effort, pleasant evenings/weekends. For example: making food he likes and suggesting we eat in front of one of his favorite movies. it doesn't involve real effort on my part, but when you're down, it's hard to even come up with simple stuff you enjoy. Also, he likes it when I make his favorite bar cookie, wrap and freeze it in individual…
/r/RedPillWomen09/07/18 07:55 PM
4

Something that has been helpful for me and inspired by Laura Doyle and Renee Wade is to just text and say something like "When I saw X, it made me think of you. I miss you." Then leave it there and let him address the situation. You might not get to see your guy as much as you'd like (he might not want that), but approaching it like this gives you an opportunity to learn about what he needs, and also to see whether he feels compelled to meet your needs. That's useful info.
/r/RedPillWomen05/07/18 07:27 PM
1

But he did not stay with those past girlfriends. Does he seem generally interested in marriage? Has he brought up wanting a family? Has he made statements that show that he values that background for itself, or does it just happen to be his circumstances? What about his friend group?
/r/RedPillWomen31/05/18 11:54 PM
2

Have you had the actual experience of men rejecting you for one aspect of yourself or another? Are you sure that this will be a problem for men?
/r/RedPillWomen31/05/18 11:40 PM
6

If he's making choices this bad and isn't committed to changing, pronto, then it doesn't matter if he loves her.
/r/RedPillWomen19/05/18 06:28 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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