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edu-ellie Archive

View 1 post and 49 comments by edu-ellie on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
7

edu-ellie/r/RedPillWomen16/01/26 06:59 PM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
1

That all makes sense. It's hard to have a block you can't identify. Maybe try doing some work to figure that out? I'd also have a hard time accepting his comments, and would want to talking with him about what kind of talk I expect in the bedroom. For example, let him know you want more desire and give examples of the comments that will help you explore more. Honestly though, I can only suggest any of this because I had a very non-judgmental and patient first partner, which set my expectations f…
/r/RedPillWomen06/08/26 06:26 PM
2

Having a strong foundation of love with your husband is huge. Honestly, a major part of the issue might just be that sex isn't feeling good or involving orgasms for you. Do you know what gets you there solo? Having a personal roadmap makes it so much easier to guide him. From there, is he open to focusing on your pleasure? Are you both open-minded to experiment as he explores your body? Leaning into a long, drawn out buildup of flirting and foreplay can make a night-and-day difference. You deser…
/r/RedPillWomen06/08/26 05:44 PM
10

This. I spent some time in my 20s with a man who, after a year, started acting like OP's husband. Eventually I learned the source of his thoughts was his own infidelity, and I learned the word projecting.
/r/RedPillWomen17/07/26 08:50 PM
3

When things are feeling this intense, it can be helpful to look at other areas of life. Back to basics. If you pull up maslows hierarchy of needs, assess how you're doing with sleep, eating well, physical activity, being financially secure, social beyond marriage, having educational outlets and hobbies. I know that's A LOT, and that's the point. That's everything I had to sort out before landing here. If those things slip, it can feel (and maybe actually be) overwhelming or impossible to apply R…
/r/RedPillWomen25/06/26 07:55 PM
1

Sorry, I went silent for fear of this until "commenter expected..." was said.
/r/RedPillWomen23/06/26 07:37 PM
1

I think it's rare that essential vetting is done by date 5, and essential vetting includes learning about family of origin, vision for future home, etc. That comes before an exclusivity convo for me. My suggestion to OP is next time consider an expanded and slower definition of vetting, referring to docs in this subreddit. Vetting doesn't always mean asking; sometimes it's more observant and discerning. She might re-evaluate what information she gleans next time before entering a "first relation…
/r/RedPillWomen23/06/26 07:14 PM
1

So you're saying you did vet that he envisions a future for you *before* this discussion? And then in the discussion he revealed more information about his family?
/r/RedPillWomen22/06/26 06:18 PM
3

You switched the order of vetting > exclusivity. It's an important vetting step to be certain he sees a future with you and will co-create it. He's not sure yet - he said that clearly - so it's not wise to do exclusivity or a relationship. I would find a kind way to dial back the exclusivity agreement - You need security before you can comfortably focus energy on one man.
/r/RedPillWomen22/06/26 04:41 PM
6

I have a line in my profile about finding "a teammate and a co-creator of a shared future." It's a huge green flag to me if a man takes that and shares his ideas. If he asks about mine I'll go into story mode (i.e. I'm obsessed with making homemade sauces right now and have almost mastered siracha mayo from scratch, spicy and tangy!) and then ask him what he's building towards. You might be thinking that this isn't finances, but the qualities I'm looking for are ambition and discipline. I check …
/r/RedPillWomen26/05/26 10:50 PM
2

Before a first date, only DM on an app for basic vetting or if you met in person a short call phone for basic vetting. Then during early dating, stay away from daily texting. Tell him why, because a lot of people are texting every day so you need to give him your positive reasons. I say on a 2nd or 3rd date "You probably notice I'm not immediately in my phone responding" (pause & listen) "I only use my phone for daily texting or long calls with my loved ones, but to connect and get to know each …
/r/RedPillWomen25/05/26 05:57 PM
11

"He doesn't have a job" = we aren't going on a first date. This is something you vet for before meeting. (Only exception is if you're both minors.)
/r/RedPillWomen25/05/26 04:10 PM
1

The silent treatment is highly abusive. I've lived through it, and ended up in couples counseling with the therapist pulling me aside and giving a breakdown of how extremely harmful the silent treatment is, and she suggested I do an assessment of my boundaries. Because you and him are dating, and not married, I am now passing this advice along to you.
/r/RedPillWomen20/05/26 08:28 AM
5

Women friendships are SO worth it!! First, props to having the courage to share your struggles. Second, as someone who used to lack female friends, I can confirm it's you. But you can adjust your mindset. Lighten up expectations and understand women are careful about forming connections. Having one or two things in common is plenty to begin a friendship. Start slow with one meaningful convo a week, maybe 15min to an hour over the phone or over coffee. When you're disappointed or find differences…
/r/RedPillWomen08/05/26 05:40 PM
2

If people are jealous, mean, etc., create some space. You can't change or manage them, but you can name it ("Wow, that was intense") and redirect (change the topic or walk away). And if people repeatedly act mean or rude, to you or others, don't be around them. Men will notice you practicing discernment. Try switching the lens from "playing games" to "acting intentionally". See if that feels better to you, but also use your judgement when meeting and dating men. We are gifted with intuition for …
/r/RedPillWomen01/05/26 06:28 PM
3

Making a comment and walking away IS a boundary. Think of all the ways she had criticized him or tried to involve you, and role play how you can side with him and exit the interaction.
/r/RedPillWomen20/04/26 07:20 PM
5

It sounds like you and your husband have a true pilot-copilot relationship to start. What if you make comments about how it's affecting you? "It pains me to hear her speak to you that way." Make the comments seldomly because this is a long game, and then you're leaving space for him to decide/act when he's ready. As an adult who also has a hyper-critical, codependent parent, I had to hear small comments like this from loved ones in order to realize my mom's harshness.
/r/RedPillWomen20/04/26 04:33 PM
0

I always prefer a low cost first date, coffee or appetizers, and I'm ready for any outcome. I've found that provider men and men who are into you on that first date will pay enthusiastically. When they want to split, I usually sensed it coming (misaligned values).
/r/RedPillWomen19/04/26 04:45 PM
1

Similar. I'm always willing to pay - and also the men who have asked to split have ended up being wanting casual or looking for a 50-50 life.
/r/RedPillWomen19/04/26 04:42 PM
6

I would also be insecure with a 30 min car "date" or 1 hour between jobs "date". Id be very suspicious of his ability to be in a relationship, but if you want to try... I'd tell him having an end time on your dates feels restrictive and you want to be able to enjoy each other freely. Then wait. Only see him if/when you two can create quality time together.
/r/RedPillWomen12/04/26 12:37 AM
-20

With him, try to remain calm and ask open ended questions (what and how, not why). With a counselor, get yourself support to process your feelings and get perspective because this is a violation on many levels. See what unfolds from there.
/r/RedPillWomen08/04/26 01:01 PM
3

The lack of clarity about your future is the biggest issue. I'd focus on that first. See if you can co-create a vision of your future, and reassess this relationship if you two can't talk about a future. His comment towards this girl is an issue also, but that kind of thing can be talked about more productively after you have a shared future.
/r/RedPillWomen05/04/26 11:42 PM
2

The context of your relationship matters. What are ya'lls long term plans? Marriage, kids? Currently living together or waiting? What are each of your ages? His behavior seems a bit dopamine seeking... How is his career and his relationship with family and friends?
/r/RedPillWomen05/04/26 08:35 PM
6

This sounds extreme. I would get protective of yourself during sex. When he does something you've already said no to (eg pulling your hair hard) stop and say "Hold on please, I need a moment, and I'll be right back". Go for a walk, make a snack, or some small activity to take a few minutes for yourself. Return and tell him what you want during intimacy (eg for you both to enjoy it). Stay calm. I have a feeling he's going to continue crossing lines, because it does sound like complex things are g…
/r/RedPillWomen16/03/26 08:12 PM
6

Echoing this. I'm 38, and caring for my body is one facet, but investing in my mindset and my spirit has greatly raised the kind of attention I get. I worked to reach a point of being relaxed in my work, cherishing time with my loved ones, and approaching the world with an upbeat attitude and looking for humor in the day to day.
/r/RedPillWomen04/03/26 04:33 PM
2

Wanting a "clean slate" is not something I've heard from a high value man or from informed sources. What I would for sure address is lowering anxiety and increasing confidence, to be able to be a strong and graceful partner.
/r/RedPillWomen03/03/26 11:46 PM
2

Your current relationship doesn't sound like it's within RP. 8.5 years together, living together, sleeping together, all without a life commitment. At 28, I think this is your chance to break things off immediately. Then do some reading and maybe therapy to process the breakup and overcome your anxieties. In addition to reading RP, there's good research on what men need from Allison Armstrong. For a confidence and grace boost, try Louise Hays recordings every night. Try visualizing too, a mental…
/r/RedPillWomen03/03/26 12:53 PM
8

He negged you. He put you in a position to question yourself, your preferences, which is a dark behavior pattern. Be cautious please.
/r/RedPillWomen01/03/26 11:24 PM
8

I'd say you successfully weeded out a man interested in only sex! Go on a date. See what he suggests/plans next.
/r/RedPillWomen27/02/26 09:18 PM
1

Practice being present and living in flow. Enjoying little things for the experience vs. the outcome. Doing what feels good to you. Jillz Guerin, Margarita Nazarenko, and Awwlexis all have videos about these. Yoga, dance, and other forms of activity that are flowy or communal. Specifically about releasing control and living in a guided manner, tap into spirituality. That might not be religion or prayer for you, it can look like gratitude, journaling, meditation, tarot cards, manifestation, or an…
/r/RedPillWomen26/02/26 09:35 PM
1

That's great about the reading, support network, and being active! I have recently learned that for women some activities are cortisol inducing exercise (HIIT, sprinting, etc.) vs stress reducing exercise (yoga, tai chi, walking, dancing, etc.), which is specific to how our bodies respond differently. The LD skills sound good. And also those are centered on your husband and your relationship. I would reallyyyyy lean into the parts of you that can be developed independent of him.
/r/RedPillWomen25/02/26 08:07 PM
–

I'm seeing a conflict between him promising marriage but not writing you in the life insurance and not including you in decision making (ie your phrase "I know I'll have to live with them" signals that he didn't ask you to do this; it's simply assumed). It sounds like he has you locked in without giving you co-pilot status, which isn't a good position. How long have you been dating? How long engaged? When is the house closing and the wedding?
/r/RedPillWomen24/02/26 06:39 PM
1

💕💕
/r/RedPillWomen24/02/26 02:10 PM
3

I'd prioritize your boundaries. Go to bed early! Pause before saying Yes. Act in line with your priorities. Do it for your own practice, and he is going to notice you maintaining high standards. Then you are set up for the next part: "I've been enjoying getting to know each other, and I'd feel more secure in our connection if we had an open conversation about exclusivity. Let me know if we can do that soon." Honestly though, once you start behaving in line with your spoken boundaries, he's likel…
/r/RedPillWomen24/02/26 03:25 AM
4

Beyond the already great advice on this thread, I would assess ways that you are filling your own bucket. How's your support network? How often do you meet up with family or friends? What kind of hobbies do you have? Inside of the house and outside of the house? Do you have a practice of gratitude, prayer, or meditation? Are you physically active? The fuller your personal life, the less free time you have to get controlling with him.
/r/RedPillWomen24/02/26 03:12 AM
27

It seems like the agreement in your marriage is unbalanced. Going to work 40+ hours a week is not equivalent to caring for the house and raising the children. Unless you have a village to lean on, like family members that graciously assist with the kids, that means to hire a cleaner and an organizer, etc. it's clear you need support, and if you talk with your husband a few times and he can't offer it, then what if you look for hired help?
/r/RedPillWomen13/02/26 03:42 PM
1

Update: He did resume leading communication after a week or so. He hinted at another date twice, I responded warmly and excitedly, but no plans came to reality. This fit the pattern I was seeing when we were in different cities, and it explained something that he shared about his last breakup. Too much talk; little action. Glad for the experience though! I have taken to heart the note about being clear and consistent in my displays of interest 🙏💕
/r/RedPillWomen12/02/26 10:25 PM
1

Your opening context about dating sounds exhausting, and in that negative context this guy sound ok - however you shared some concerning events from the date. I would take a step back from the bad dating app experiences. Dating apps are a strange territory to navigate, but they can be navigated without zapping your energy. I'd look into methods on how to use the apps to your benefit, there are some great strategies for free online. I would also - and maybe you've done this but the priorities did…
/r/RedPillWomen12/02/26 09:42 PM
1

I hear you. Doing meaningful work fills the soul up! As for advice... I was willing to suffer financially to get a salaried, meaningful, flexible job. I left a lucrative field to be a teacher at a daycare, because that's what was quickly available when I had no experience, which pays a bit over minimum wage. I identified my "dream job" description and got related certifications on Coursera and LinkedIn. All while eating ramen and eggs 🍜 During "dream job" interviews, I asked a lot of questions a…
/r/RedPillWomen10/02/26 05:45 AM
3

I'm a program manager, which is basically project management skills applied in the education sector for a company with curriculums and programs. I'm dating I don't talk often about the task-management and strategy part of my job; I talk about the educators that we are helping and the student outcomes, how the kiddos increase their confidence and such. Just an idea to take your skill set to the education or nonprofit sectors.
/r/RedPillWomen21/01/26 08:41 PM
7

Stop seeing him. She said herself to increase discernment 🙌 Heighten discernment in the first few dates with the next man.
/r/RedPillWomen19/01/26 09:52 PM
24

I'm a 39 yo woman and guarantee his impulsivity is why a woman his age hasn't settled down with him. I held out hope for a couple men like this in my 20s, and I've learned that someone who isn't making goals and growing is extremely unlikely to change. He's decades into bad habits, but luckily you're only a few months in and are seeing how his behavior plays out.
/r/RedPillWomen19/01/26 07:24 PM
1

As soon as possible. He's put out an o offer to talk, and every day that offer isn't received is a continuance of the emotional silence thats been happening between you two. Always a good practice to write out your thoughts and feelings, and do save the deep stuff for an in person chat.
/r/RedPillWomen17/01/26 02:23 PM
11

Being easy to be around doesn't make men value you, in my experience. It's also inauthentic. If you seem ok no matter what, thats just not true. It's human to have feelings, especially to a partner swinging high high and low low, and not sharing your feelings leaves him in the dark and also risks seeming like you don't have boundaries or expectations. I've recently read that women need to lead vulnerability in order for men to then be vulnerable in return with us. Captains need information to be…
/r/RedPillWomen17/01/26 01:54 PM
2

You have the right take that we were simply busy and in different physical places for a while, and right after meeting. I was keen on it becoming a pen pal situation without enough dating elements. Yikes! And I couldn't shake that feeling while we were in different countries. At the moment, I'm open to initiate texting and voice notes, a little more than I was before, but I'll leave planning a date up to him. Crossing the line to plan a date seems like it would rock our masc-fem dynamic too much…
/r/RedPillWomen16/01/26 11:24 PM
2

It's nice to hear a view on me needing to lead for a bit. My gut is telling me that's what's needed. About ghosting and disrespect, I'll copy paste from another reply - we're both 40, so no one is ghosting or not giving reasoning for our actions. We talk about serious things between daily shares and laughs and learning about each other's lives. He knew well why things went the way they did. Huge thanks for the concrete example! Nice idea about a baked gift too. Last night we both had a small gif…
/r/RedPillWomen16/01/26 10:01 PM
-1

Thank you both for giving harder perspectives. For context, we're both 40, so no one is ghosting or shutting down communication. We talk about serious things between daily shares and laughs and learning about each other's lives. Back then, I told him I was feeling disconnected, and he fumbled communication right after that, missed replying to me twice. He apologized on both, gave a valid reason, but I did not see a way to get back on track without seeing each other in person. From what I heard l…
/r/RedPillWomen16/01/26 09:50 PM
3

Could your phrasing when sharing a story help? Say "we" more often than "I", talk about people who helped you with things, etc. I used to get called independent a lot, and now I get more comments about having a lovely life with lovely people. Also, they could simply be less experienced and/or lower value than you if they are so impressed by things you find to be normal.
/r/RedPillWomen16/01/26 07:34 PM
-1

Agreed that him initiating another date is important. What do you mean by be open with him?
/r/RedPillWomen16/01/26 07:21 PM
2

As I become less force and more flow, I reply to resistance and unwanted advice with "I'm happy". For example, if someone is telling me to really go after a raise, I'll say, "This job is a fit for me right now, so I'm happy". If you sense they will really push, add on, "How's your work?" or "How's your sister?" Theres no need to explain yourself. Explaining IS exhausting. Take small opportunities to affirm what you like/value, and you can always redirect the conversation with open-ended question…
/r/RedPillWomen16/01/26 07:12 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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