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ekkokekekko Archive

View 0 posts and 142 comments by ekkokekekko on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
68

Agreed to all of these 🙌
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/21 01:23 AM
46

I did a shit ton of unpaid and unappreciated labor for my ex husband to help him build his career, which is now going down in flames because I left him and his new girlfriend is not as helpful as I was 🤷‍♀️. I did it because I thought it made me a good partner. When I started down my own path, building on my strengths for my own creative career, he complained that if I didn't continue to help him with his, he would fail. That opened my eyes. I thought, "OK, you have your career and you're establ…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/21 04:33 PM
67

I've now gone down a Chris Fleming rabbit hole and it's magic
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/09/21 11:25 PM
19

I'm a codependent/love addict, and yeah, the one thing that definitely makes unhealthy attachment and attraction worse is indulging in fantasy. It definitely intensifies the problem.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/06/21 02:24 AM
7

I have plans for a 3 bedroom because I want a dedicated bedroom, an office, and a studio for my trade. You damn right I'm not filling the space with kids and a hubby 🙄. I'm an adult and a goddamn professional and I need the room for myself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/05/21 11:30 PM
20

While I might not need a handbag, your comment made me realize that I DO need a punching bag.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/05/21 01:02 AM
58

I love scary movies. At some point in the 2000s I realized that I can't risk going blind into a horror movie because I don't know if I'm going to be subjected to r+pe scenes. I have to look up movie synposes to check if there will be r+pe because it fucks me up. I knew there was tons of it in GoT so I never watched it. Same as a lot of other shows people have recommended: i remember a male friend blithely mentioning a gang r+pe scene in a popular show that upset his wife and he seemed confused t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/05/21 11:32 PM
19

I would be deeply saddened if it comes out that he is not
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/05/21 12:05 AM
5

I fckin love Nicole LePera
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/05/21 06:01 PM
3

Goddamn right sis
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/21 03:20 AM
10

Agreed, I hope this is something that becomes a lasting trend.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/21 03:19 AM
3

Would he do it for you? Doesn't matter. Don't do it for him. I'm in the process of divorcing now and having to see my stupid ex's name surface again and again on banking and government documents as I try to change it back is fucking maddening. It erases you. You bear his name, you're Mrs. His Name. You might be lucky and have a healthy lasting relationship. I most certainly hope that you do! But christ, just keep your name. I hope more women keep their names going forward. Changing it to your hu…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/21 03:18 AM
14

...I briefly dated a guy like this and because a couple of my pickme friends thought he was a good guy, I put up with his chronic cheapness. I am objectively 10000% hotter than him (and fell for the "nice guys will treat you better" bullshit). When I broke up with him I was side eyeing my friends like, "You guys actually thought this cheap fat sad sack loser was good enough for me?" Funny enough one of our mutual acquaintances who is NOT a pickme looked at me like I'd lost my mind when she found…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/04/21 02:45 PM
12

I drank a lot and smoked a ton of weed while with my ex. I quit both the moment he and I split up. I was doing it because that's all he wanted to do all the time. My fridge is full of fresh fruit and veg and none of it goes bad because I actually eat it (and enjoy it). I look younger now than I did when we were together. A woman at work was shocked to hear how old I am and when she asked me to drop my skincare routine I said, "sunscreen", when I should have said "divorce" 😆
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/04/21 06:02 PM
4

I am so fucking proud of you. I had already left my husband when I found FDS. I can't imagine how brutal it would be to find this sub while still actively in your situation. Hugs and much love and strength to you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/04/21 05:52 PM
7

Bishop Briggs Champion
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/04/21 06:31 AM
2

This hits hard. My ex, when drunk, would have full on tantrums like a toddler. He was much, much stronger than me. I'm not a weak person, I have significant self defense training, and yet I knew, if he wanted to, he could absolutely destroy me. I never used to be afraid of him. Watching him turn into this screaming whining illogical stranger was the most terrifying thing I've ever experienced. I wished he'd hit me too, so I'd have some kind of proof that he'd turned into someone unrecognizable. …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/03/21 04:38 AM
5

Well that is some kind of fucked up.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/21 05:14 PM
16

That. Was. Incredible. Thank you so much for posting this, what an amazing and inspiring story ❤
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/03/21 10:26 PM
28

I couldn't finish reading the whole thing. At some point I said aloud, "Oh, BARF, WHAT THE FUCK" and closed it to come to the comments instead.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/21 04:58 AM
19

"Your dick needs to be bent a bit" what a perfect response 👌
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/21 03:13 AM
81

I knew it was over and it still took me 10 years to leave. My marriage had to go from unhappy to absolutely goddamn terrible before I was able to face the shame of "admitting defeat" to my family and friends. Agreed, people have no idea how hard it is, not to mention how embarrassing and emotional and expensive the process can be. Ending marriage is not an easy decision.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/01/21 06:20 PM
17

Agreed. I deal with men at my work, there’s no avoiding them in my field, but I’m not seeking any romantic relationships. Since joining the FDS sub last fall as well as doing therapy and support groups, I’ve developed my sense of self to the point that I’m definitely leaning WGTOW. I’m not looking for a relationship, I’m not chasing any men, I’m not on any apps, I’m just focusing on my career and hobbies and enjoying my life, and I have truly never been happier or felt more free. It’s still toug…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/01/21 07:46 AM
14

Omfg THIS. Did you date my ex?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/21 01:02 AM
7

They truly have no idea how to cOmmUniCate
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/01/21 05:31 PM
92

There's opening up about your feelings, and there's unfettered emotional dumping. My ex told me everything about his girlfriend troubles (he got really pushy about having an open relationship and our marriage was imploding and I finally agreed as long as he used condoms and did not tell me details and HE FAILED AT BOTH REQUIREMENTS). When I asked that he please not tell me these things, he cried that he had no-one else to talk to, and that nobody understood him. Men do not open up to each other …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/01/21 07:39 AM
3

I started "dating me" to the exclusion of all others on Saturday September 12 2020, the day I found FDS and read the handbook. I put it in my calendar. It's been goddamn glorious
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/01/21 01:52 AM
3

I luckily did not have kids with mine and he moved directly from our home into his new gfs home. He could not bear to be alone for a minute.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/01/21 01:17 AM
12

It's a mindset shift for sure. I had lots of LVM attention pre-FDS and so much of it dropped away as soon as I started applying the principles. Since then I still get male attention but it's definitely more subdued/tentative, like they know the boundaries are there, and they know they'll end up stung if they push them. It's weird how fast it happened. My LVW friends have also backed off or fallen away entirely, and that's a relief, not a loss. It's like my whole energy has changed.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/21 02:19 AM
12

Word. Lead by example. Show, don't tell.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/21 02:07 AM
12

Yeah, too bad funny at FDS usually means "sad and horrible" rather than funny "ha ha". I'm so glad I found this sub. The number of times I see myself in these stories is both depressing and gratifying (in showing me I'm neither crazy nor alone).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/01/21 05:04 PM
11

RIGHT?! How screwed up is that?! I'm very grateful that FDS, therapy, and support groups exist... and at the same time I'm furious that I have to invest so much time and energy in correcting behaviors that I didn't fucking choose. It's time and energy I could be putting into my career, my hobbies, my friends. It is 100% worth it, don't get me wrong, it's just frustrating that so much of my energy has to go towards fixing shit that isn't my fault.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/01/21 04:35 PM
114

It was when he'd randomly grab my boobs or my crotch with zero warning or escalation. I'd tell him to please not do that, and he'd whine, "I'm not allowed to touch you?" And it MADE ME FEEL BAD because my boundaries were nonexistent. No, just because we're dating, you can't fucking grope me whenever you feel like it, you filthy ape. I dumped his ass in the summer and went to therapy, then found FDS, and now I'm also going to support group meetings. Good lord we are programmed to take so much shi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/01/21 07:05 AM
1

While I'm getting better at it, I still get nervous, anxious, and sad when I'm alone, and I need to learn how to be happy and content in my own company. 2021 is going to be a year of career focus, self-development, and singledom for me. I'm not going on a date, I'm not on OLD, I'm not looking. The whole of the year will be focused on me and my level-up journey
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/20 03:34 AM
20

"I strongly feel it would not go down well if I came home with a vibrator gifted from a male colleague masqueraed as a joke" Flip it and reverse it. Her fiance would have a goddamn meltdown if this were to happen, but can't see it her way because of his gaping lack of common sense and empathy
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/12/20 06:46 PM
7

My ex moved directly from our home to his girlfriend's apartment and has lived with her ever since. He has made 0 steps in terms of processing the actual divorce: I'm doing all of the legal portion, while he looks at the numbers and complains, then shuts up when I tell him to hire his own lawyer if he doesn't like it. Just one more reminder of how lazy, entitled, and cowardly he is
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/20 07:00 AM
35

RIGHT?! Anytime a woman mentions her divorce to me, I say, "Congratulations," and she will pause and look at me in the eyes and say, "Thank you." A divorce is always a good thing. Why stay miserable indeed.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/12/20 01:42 AM
31

My mother didn't leave because she worked as a housewife for years and had no financial independence. Doesn't mean she didn't want to go, doesn't mean her suffering was justified
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/12/20 01:29 AM
13

I'm going to have to get a WWAMSWMD bracelet to remind myself (what would a mediocre straight white man do)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/20 04:52 AM
29

After separating from my husband last year I had a string of LVM/NVM show up, and since I hadn't dated for 20 years I didn't know how to handle it. I made a lot of dumb mistakes. In autumn I found FDS, I went to therapy, and that helped quite a bit, but I was still getting distracted by desire for male validation and fantasizing about inappropriate men. I complained about it to a friend who is in a 12 step program, and he recommended Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous (SLAA) meetings. The men who at…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/20 02:13 AM
51

When I need birth control, I talk to my siblings about my nieces and nephews. When I need reminders on why I'm not dating men, I come here. I know it's Female Dating Strategies, and in theory it'll eventually lead to a HVM partner, but frankly I'm just WGTOW at this point. Fuck 'em (I mean, don't fuck 'em, just block and delete 'em). Who needs a manchild that'll never grow up? The guidelines for levelling up and living my own life are enough for me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/20 01:37 AM
5

"Date" suggests *shudder* commitment, as opposed to "just seeing where this goes".
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/20 01:19 AM
11

For fuck sakes. SAME. WHY THE FUCK ARE MEN ALLOWED TO BE BABIES FOR LIFE? I'm in the final stages of my divorce and my ex was asking how to file this thing or get that thing, and I just sighed at him, "Talk to __ person and tell them you're getting a divorce and they'll tell you what paperwork you need. I haven't done this before either." Like, for the love of God, we've been apart for a year, he moved in with his new GF before he and I actually split up, and he STILL can't handle his own shit. …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/20 01:18 AM
6

Since getting into therapy and FDS a couple months ago, the sheer volume of weirdos and losers I was attracting has gone from massive to zero. And I love it - lately I get nothing but sweet compliments from ladies, and from guys I'm either getting ignored (excellent) or actual respect (even better). I wonder if there's some kind of "PickMe" vibe we give off when we're vulnerable. Ugh, it sounds a bit like victim blaming, but has anyone noticed anything similar after they have a mindset change?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/20 12:59 AM
5

preach sis
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/20 10:03 PM
17

It took till I was 40 as well. I'm just grateful it happened at all... the rest of my life looks a thousand times brighter as a divorced FDS woman with no plans to date again in the near future, as opposed to how it looked while I was married pickme.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/20 10:02 PM
460

This was adult me until recently. For me it was a combo of low self esteem and decades of media consumption (movies and TV written by men depicting hot girls giving mediocre guys a chance, with that media putting those relationships in a positive light). Thanks to therapy and FDS I'm never going back to mediocre.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/11/20 02:13 PM
94

EAT DIRT had me in stitches
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/11/20 08:49 PM
3

I've been having these rage feelings re my ex for the last few days. So I sat down, wrote a letter wishing all the vile and awful things I'd wish on my ex... and I burned it. I burned it with the express wish that this bitterness and resentment burn away with it. I won't ever forget what he did: it's very important to me to forgive him for MY peace of mind, but not forget to ensure I don't repeat those mistakes. I actually feel lighter and better having done that. Writing out every angry bitter …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/11/20 03:26 PM
2

Hell yeah
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/11/20 10:00 PM
5

Good friends are rare, and they are precious. I'm so grateful they checked in and told me they had my back. It's terrifying to leave a relationship when your whole adult life is wrapped up in it (we were together for 20 years). I'm still adjusting to how to exist in the world as a single person... and I'm so happy to be single. My friends are my people, and they fill the space my ex used to fill.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/20 05:36 AM
5

Your reply makes me want to cry. I would have done anything for him. I DID do things for him that were fundamentally wrong for me. It really wrecked me for awhile. I jumped into a relationship with another LVM right after him. I broke up with that guy last summer when I started to see the pattern of my "please fuck me over" behavior in that relationship too. I started therapy. I found FDS. Good God, both have been instrumental in building me back up. I'm also sorry I went through this, but I'm g…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/20 05:31 AM
2

Flamethrower accepted <3
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/20 05:24 AM
11

...honestly, it was my friends. I was pretending that everything was fine. I didn't think anyone knew what was happening, and I was so ashamed that I didn't tell anyone. Then one of my friends, who was mutual friends with my ex, called me out of the blue. It was sort of an intervention. My ex had been telling his friends all about his open relationship adventures, our mutuals thought it was disgusting, and they all decided to check in on me and make sure I was okay. It was devastating and reliev…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/20 05:23 AM
198

When we started having problems, my now ex-husband wanted an open relationship, and in an attempt to save the marriage, I agreed. When he told me about a breakup with another woman, I can't express the pain and revulsion I felt. He expected me to empathize with him and comfort him. He was genuinely confused that I was upset. God, reading this post brought all of that back to me. He treated my reaction like I was punishing him for being "honest". I was disgusted with myself for staying with him b…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/11/20 04:02 AM
3

My knight in shining armor is me, motherfcker
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/20 02:18 AM
41

Did that with my now ex-husband. So not worth the 20+ years spent building him up so he could one day decide that I wasn't enough for him anymore. He regrets us breaking up, but I have 0 fucks to give about him. Now I'm building myself and falling in love with my own potential.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/20 06:13 PM
19

This. I have similar issues to OP and taking a break from online sexual content, a break from dating, going through therapy, and reading FDS content daily has been a huge help. I've also consciously been "resetting" my preferences by thinking of kind, loving, gentle sex with a trusted partner instead of the violent and degrading stuff I got off on before. IT IS WORKING. While I'm still occasionally turned on by thinking of certain degrading acts, their power is fading. These preferences are cond…
/r/askFDS05/11/20 05:39 AM
8

Know what, you're right. I don't owe him an explanation. A simple "This is what is best for me" is the perfect response 👌
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/20 08:34 PM
37

Met up w my ex husband a few weeks ago to discuss our separation financial details. Happily, we are on the same page. I discussed this meeting with my therapist, who asked some mild leading questions, and I ended up realizing something. My ex clearly wants us to be friends, and wants to hang out together once we've finalized all the divorce details. I'm continuing to be polite, friendly, and easygoing (while being firm about my rights and financial entitlements). I suspect he's going to break up…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/20 02:05 AM
14

Omg when he starts raising his voice, then yells over her... my ex started doing this in the last year we were together. The sound of it hit me right in the gut. He has the same spiraling volume, the same... childish?... lack of self-control in his tone. What the fuck is this? It's terrifying to hear it again. Is this behavior becoming more common?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/10/20 06:36 AM
3

God I've been thinking about that a lot lately. I want sweet, gentle, kind, loving sex. That seems like the most out-there crazy fetishistic request: that the man put my desires and pleasure first, as opposed to constantly seeking his own gratification.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/10/20 02:30 PM
14

My ex had the audacity to tell me he finally "appreciated" all the work I did in our home, because his new gf was rarely home and didn't clean, so he was the one vacuuming and tidying up. He said this as though I should be proud of his growth. We were still in the process of separating and still in the same house, and I wanted to be amicable, so I said blankly, "Wow, that's great, " instead of pitching a goddamn fit. Like wtf, you'll do everything I asked you to do, but you'll do it for someone …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/10/20 01:54 PM
37

I'm a Tom Bilyeu fan (his partner Lisa Bilyeu is also kickass) and one of his phrases always comes to mind when I feel lonely or when I consider dating again. "How do you feel about yourself when you're by yourself?" In his case, Tom is talking about achieving financial success while still not being fully happy with himself. His company blew up overnight after years of work. He thought seeing all the zeroes in the bank account would change how he felt about himself. It did not. He still felt lik…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/10/20 02:17 AM
7

Right?! With that audacity, I could do anything
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/10/20 04:24 AM
17

There's a guy I knew in high school who I recently reconnected with on Facebook. His dad found me a little while later and commented on one of my posts. And then PMd me and asked if I was married. His DAD. At least 30 years older than me, who I have not seen for over 20 years. What the actual fuck
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/10/20 04:01 AM
2

FDS has made me guarded in all relationships, and all in good ways. In addition to keeping me safe from a number of LVM that I might be dating right now out of low self esteem and pity, it's also helping me ruthlessly weed put my current friends. These principles apply to all humans and relationships to a degree. The transition is painful sometimes, but it's a good pain, like being drained of poison.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/10/20 05:07 AM
2

I've had similar experiences when rejecting advances, but all of these men are my "friends", and if they're overtly rude it will get back to our mutuals and make them look even shittier than they already are. I'm guessing that's why my experience with rejection has been largely ok
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/10/20 04:38 AM
24

Thank you, I love this
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/10/20 03:54 AM
10

I knew it before, but as I work on myself, I'm really understanding that sexuality is not a choice. If I could choose women I would, because every man in my life is on some spectrum of LV, and the thought of the MASSIVE AMOUNT OF CAUTIOUS VETTING that goes into confirming a HVM is just exhausting
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/10/20 03:41 AM
91

I wanted this advice to be true for so long. I divorced, jumped immediately into another relationship for about 10 months, ended that a couple months ago, and decided to experiment a bit with a one night stand and some FWB situations. Thought I'd be an adventurous single woman and "get some strange". I have never felt so sad, gross, and lonely as I have after those encounters. I am happier by myself with none of the messaging and hollow validation from those guys. Finally blocked them all tonigh…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/10/20 03:17 AM
45

I had three guys, all with LTRs or wives, flirtily messaging me after I told them I'm not dating rn. I hadn't blocked yet because we're "friends". Finally blocked them all an hour ago with a message that I'm just not able to keep talking to them knowing they want more than friendship, and they can't provide what I need (monogamy is a pretty basic first step, I didn't go into detail of all the ways they are LVM). It was fckin hard. I didn't realize how much I was getting validation from them. But…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/10/20 03:01 AM
10

Word. It's a wild fucking ride
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/10/20 03:47 AM
15

This is dead on. I don't frequent those subs anymore either, each one is full of replies pressuring the woman to work harder at solving problems she didn't create 🙄 The thing that's starting to freak me out is listening to my friends talk about their relationship problems. I just sit there biting my tongue thinking, "BREAK. UP. WITH. YOUR. MANBABY."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/10/20 02:25 AM
8

ALL OF MY FEMALE FRIENDS BRUSH THEIR DAMN TEETH AND GO TO THE DENTIST REGULARLY ALL OF THEM
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/10/20 08:01 PM
8

...what the fuck has happened with men's hygiene. I have a number of male friends who've admitted they brush their teeth "sometimes, but not, like, daily" and I'm just clutching my head going how the fuck do you deal with your morning breath or your fuzzy-feeling teeth before bed HOW DO YOU EVEN HOW
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/10/20 08:01 PM
23

God I love that there's a space where we can talk about this. I have NEVER talked about this with my friends. As I go through therapy my friends are noticing changes and asking about how I'm doing, and this specific topic is one I want to broach with them, but just can't get it to go past my lips. It's still too private and shameful. But I really wonder how many of them are in the same boat for the same reasons, and we're all too ashamed to talk about it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/10/20 06:34 AM
10

This is the perfect description of how a dildo should conduct himself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/10/20 06:11 AM
52

The more I read about this topic (pornsick fantasies) the more freaked out I get. I'm actively working to change my fantasy wiring, as in correctively thinking about positive, empowering, healthy sexual scenarios while masturbating instead of the actually genuinely violent stuff I used to think about in order to orgasm. As I work on this wiring I get super disturbed by the implications of WHY I used to be turned on by fantasizing about non-consent or rape. It's a very dark thing to look at. It's…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/10/20 06:08 AM
9

Same. I hope to myself that these stories are jokes, or made-up, then I look at my pre-therapy/FDS/divorced life and go, you actually can't make this shit up, you don't have to, it's real, and it's DEPRESSING
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/10/20 05:57 AM
4

Thirding Why Does He Do That. Just finished reading it and I'm about to go for round two. It is goddamn surreal to hear my own experiences through someone else's voice and through a lens of understanding.
/r/askFDS08/10/20 05:19 AM
29

In Level Up News, I got a job interview tomorrow for a job I really really want, so I'm alternating between cheerful "You got this, lady!" and terrified panic. In Male Depravity News, I just had my third LVM "I'm in an oPeN ReLatIOnShiP" proposition this weekend. These dudes are crawling out of the woodwork in droves, he's the third one in a month. This was particularly awkward since his gf is my friend and he did this WHILE SHE SAT NEXT TO HIM AND LISTENED. I politely turned him down. Thing is,…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/20 09:32 PM
11

I've heard of women using men for free meals. Never actually seen or interacted with a woman who does this. Never had a friend who did this. It's funny, the only people who've told me about these hypothetical women... are men. 🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/20 01:30 AM
25

I'm a bit biased, just to be up front. I recently filed for divorce at 40. The vast majority of my friends are married or have long term partners. As I grow more and more happy and content in my single life, I'm learning that none of my married friends are really happy. Each of them have confided in me with different awful problems. They have dead or dying bedrooms. Their husbands never help with the kids or remember simple daily tasks. Their wives don't want to have anything to do with them any…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/20 01:22 AM
16

Lately AITA seems to be reminder after reminder that every woman drawing breath on this earth needs FDS. Jesus wept. The fact that she came to reddit to ask if she was in the wrong just blows my gd mind
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/20 12:49 AM
4

What the actual fuckity fuckwit fuck
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/20 12:47 AM
5

Holy fuck. I'm so sorry this happened to you... and so glad you read Bancroft's book. I'm only halfway thru the book, the cookie cutter nature of some abusers is insane. Both my long term relationships were described as the Victim to a tee. It's wild to see the way I was manipulated just...laid out in such a technical way
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/20 04:01 AM
4

I am going through a divorce right now and I'm grateful to be out of the relationship. However, one thing that makes me look back on my marriage with fondness is the fact that both of us were staunchly child-free from the get go. We entered marriage knowing neither of us wanted kids, and for that I will be forever grateful. I was malleable enough that if he had really wanted kids, I would have given them to him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/20 03:30 AM
2

I just threw up in my mouth a little. Jesus wept.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/20 03:26 AM
1

I saw this post and really really hoped it was fake. I'm concerned that it isn't.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/20 03:20 AM
4

Thanks, I'll definitely do that. I do have a few friends who've gone through it and while our experiences vary, all of them have been so supportive. It took me so long to get here. I thought being divorced would be a "stain" on my life. Instead I feel so incredibly free it kind of hurts sometimes, like the intensity of how unbelievable and good it is is unbearable, if that makes sense
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/20 06:54 PM
7

Thanks! I'm proud of me too 😊
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/20 02:45 PM
7

Love the article that you linked. My life is in a very fluid state right now, constantly changing as I move through therapy and divorce, but I'm leaning so hard towards WGTOW at the moment. I have plenty of friends and companionship and FDS and therapy is clarifying the quality of those friendships every day. I'm looking at nyself in the mirror and smiling with genuine affection. I love who I'm becoming. And I think I want to just keep things this way, single, with everything on my terms and nob…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/20 03:50 AM
23

I'm increasingly happy as a single person. I'm taking time to appreciate the joy of being the master of my own time, space, priorities, and activities. I'm enjoying dating myself and treating myself like a treasured friend, the way I should always have treated myself but never did. If a man should come along who elevates and improves what I already have going on, I might be interested. Might. Tbh right now I'm enjoying singledom so much I might never go back.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/20 03:39 AM
34

I formally filed for divorce last week. Today I had a friend serve my ex his papers. I'm wiped out emotionally but also so happy for the future.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/20 03:16 AM
18

...thank goodness I'm putting a hold on dating until I've really internalized the handbook and all of the advice in this sub. I can't count the number of times I had sex with my ex husband just to keep him happy, and the number of times I really didn't want to but faked my way through it. It makes me nauseous to think of it. Never again
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/20 01:35 AM
2

I just felt a shiver of pity for my ex husband's girlfriend
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/09/20 10:56 PM
1

Wild that this came up today. I was listening to My Favorite Murder yesterday and one of the hosts brought up Nichole Sachs and Cure For Chronic Pain, explaining that it is definitely for everyone and not just people who have sciatica or something. I'll have to check it out
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/09/20 08:14 PM
31

This was the most enjoyable read. Fantastic in every way, just (chef kiss)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/09/20 04:12 AM
24

Ugh, I feel this. I've never dated someone I was really seriously attracted to. Each of them were "nice guys" who "deserved a chance" and yeah, I’ve never enjoyed kissing. I thought it was my fault. Turns out, I should just wait to find someone I'm genuinely attracted to, and spend my time enjoying my own company and my friends in the meantime.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/09/20 04:20 AM
51

I LOVE IT. I've been dating myself too but hadn't thought to make it a regular event! Your date looks incredible
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/20 11:52 PM
5

My husband bought me a shop vac once for Christmas. A male coworker heard about it and jokingly asked me if I was going leave him, and I said, "No, it's a practical gift!" I was so fucking blind. I'm in the process of obtaining my divorce now. Fortunately for you, you're in a position to clearly see the future.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/20 11:47 PM
25

"These days my generosity and hospitality is reserved for women only. On the rare occasions I do go on dates these days or interact with men they are ruthlessly cut off the first time the behavior is out of line with my standards. I will not change who I am for these scrotes. They will just never be the beneficiary of my generosity or graciousness." I love this. Perfectly put.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/20 01:59 PM
2

Cameron Esposito has a bit about how everything in the entertainment and consumer space is for men. She is a lesbian comedian but had to sit in the makeup chair to look sexually appealing to straight men for her publicity shoots. She has zero interest in straight men, but everything caters to them, and their gaze. Movies and TV stories are primarily about men and focused on men. The vast majority of fictional narratives are made for men, to the point that anything for men is considered "normal".…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/20 05:45 AM
6

That is so awesome. I bet your body language and the way you present yourself has changed as well, so you give off confident energy! I'm proud of you too
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/20 04:58 AM
39

They seem genuinely incapable of telling the difference. Women upholding actual standards = hate crime against them as far as they're concerned, because they know they won't measure up, and therefore they won't have access to our bodies, which is all we are to them. In their minds we are not people.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/20 04:53 AM
4

FDS killed my pickme LVM thirst in one afternoon. Just... doused that validation-craving neediness in a few hours of reading. It's so incredibly freeing. Thank you for being here ❤
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/20 04:49 AM
6

That last point. Definitely. The mindset shift is real. I loved reading your post, and I'm really loving reading all the replies to OP here. It's so beautiful to see everyone leveling up
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/20 02:54 AM
16

Love this post. FDS helped me solve a mental riddle. I understood on a surface level that I was kind. Hard working. Skilled. Autonomous. And WORTHY. People around me would tell me this. My THERAPIST told me this. That as I recovered from my ended marriage, I needed to avoid new relationships, and that I needed to be kind to myself, and patient, and to set boundaries with others, and to learn to be okay with being alone, and to value myself and my needs, because I WAS WORTH IT. But it wouldn't si…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/20 02:46 AM
2

Ooo, I had this happen when AsAmANN was part of a comment I made, and it freaked me out a little. The mods fixed it really quickly though. God bless them
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/20 02:06 AM
8

This has confirmed one of my future goals is to have a wonderful big guard dog to love and care for (no room in my current living situation, they need adequate space to run around and I have no yard). I love that you're surrounded by love and protection
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/20 01:25 AM
10

Depressingly, same. I'm a bit saddened by how this sub has made me change my filters on what's acceptable in a friendship, and pretty much none of my current friends make the cut. Fortunately I'm not scared to seek out new friends and I'm now attuned to LVW attitudes, so I'm better prepared for improving my circle
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/20 12:51 AM
5

...so, I actually hear this more from women. I don't know what y'alls experience is, I'm sure it's different, this is just what I've noticed personally. The handful of guy friends to whom I've talked about shitty male experiences have gone, "Jesus, women have to put up with a lot. I'm sorry that happened to you." By contrast, my girl friends will nod and be like, "That's hard. It's a good thing there are still good guys out there like (boyfriend/husband)." And each time I'm just a little nauseat…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/09/20 03:51 AM
13

Exactly this. Are you me? It's so jarring to see my people pleasing urges as something conditioned and not just an inherent inborn trait.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/09/20 02:12 PM
1

Yeah, I know you're right. Thanks for the reminder, he's not worth my mental bandwidth
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/09/20 01:57 PM
2

Fugging WORD. The things you went through are horrible. Women are socialized to compete with each other because we are supposed to fight to be "picked" by men, as though they're the ones with all the value. It's so insidious and ever-present it makes us feel like we're crazy when we start to recognize it. I feel like FDS is a huge part of helping break the cycle. I have so much respect for you for bringing this topic up and for recognizing not just the toxicity of these friends, but the fact tha…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/09/20 03:08 AM
6

I have the DAD of a high school friend of mine PMing me on Facebook. He said we "should meet up for coffee, lots to talk about." Like what, Dude? Your wife of 40+ years? Your sons that are MY AGE? WHAT DO YOU WANT? I should block but he's a former minister of an ultra conservative Christian strain and I kind of want him to say something explicit so I can screenshot and share that hypocritical shit
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/09/20 01:41 AM
16

Word. Accountability is power
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/09/20 01:33 AM
27

I got my programming from John Hughes. Or really any movies or TV shows with a lovable dorky average male protagonist who ends up with a supermodel. We are supposed to spend hours of our time working out, dieting, and keeping up our wardrobes while we give mediocre guys a chance. Barf
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/09/20 01:20 AM
6

Honestly the more I think about it the madder it makes me. The thing that made me dump that loser was attention from a slightly higher-quality guy (I was still pickme-ing HARD), which was what was required for me to go, "I'm not crazy, I AM worth more!" But good lord does your friend circle affect your judgment. I'm spending more time reading resources and listening to books and podcasts than chatting with these friends, and I'm slowly distancing myself. If they thought that LVM was good enough …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/09/20 12:10 AM
24

Oh god I hear you. I am so sorry you had to go through that. After I separated from my ex husband, a LVM in one of my friend circles started pursuing me (let's call him Peter), and while I didn't find him attractive, I was flattered by the attention. Our mutual friends all thought he was a great match for me. Even back then, I thought, "He really isn't THAT great a guy... do my friends really think Peter is on the same playing field as me?" So against my better judgment I gave in to loneliness a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/09/20 10:47 PM
60

Gomez and Morticia are #goals in all the ways
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/09/20 08:32 PM
23

Found this sub on September 12. Read the handbook cover to cover. Starting to look at the recommended podcasts, books, and youtube channels. I've been devouring the posts. I feel grounded, sane, and NOT desperate for attention for the first time in years. I was already doing therapy, but FDS is like a second track of sanity and guidance along with individual treatment. I've always been about self-improvement and levelling up, but a lot of online resources (Tom Bilyeu is one of my faves) target m…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/09/20 03:07 PM
30

In retrospect I think it was the best course of action for my safety but it's still messing with me (less and less as I forgive myself for what happened, but it'll be a long time before I'm healthy again). His new girlfriend is very sad. They are both alcoholics together. I hear he's an upgrade from the guys she usually dates, so I guess there's that 🤷
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/09/20 07:22 AM
9

Discovering this sub has been a miracle for me and I really don't want it to be banned. FDS is an incredible resource for women. It's important. For the love of God please read the handbook. Not only will it outline appropriate behavior on the sub, it is also full of valuable information in its own right. It contains principles of self worth and self love that will elevate your whole life, not just your dating life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/09/20 04:34 AM
73

I was humiliated while he dated other women, but felt responsible for his unhappiness, so I thought it was the price I should pay. We set "open relationship rules": I told him I didn't want to know about these women, and asked him to play safe. He violated the rules almost immediately by telling me all about these women. I told him no unprotected sex with me because he wasn't playing safe. We rarely had sex after that because he hated condoms, and I'm so relieved. I also recently had an STI scre…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/09/20 04:09 AM
10

Holy shit this is a myth I bought into hook line and sinker, and all of my exes were mediocre-looking and shitty people in numerous ways.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/09/20 03:50 AM
66

Agreed. It's also a shame that a man calling it out is the only way for these facts to gain legitimacy in some people's eyes.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/09/20 03:33 AM
125

My ex husband never hit me. He broke things, punched a hole through a door, drunkenly threatened me through a closed door (I was sleeping in the spare room towards the end) and actually lay on the floor on his belly and kicked his feet once having a legit tantrum (wtf), but he never hit me. He said he wanted to start exploring "other options" but didn't want me to date other men. I said I was okay with an open relationship with him just seeing women, and agreed that I would not see men. I encour…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/09/20 03:32 AM
10

Hell yes. I spent Friday afternoon at work going, "I don't have plans." Then I went, "I'm spending the evening with the person who should be the most important to me (myself)." So I made myself a nice chicken dinner and went for an evening walk by the river and then had a long bath with candles (and read posts in this subreddit while soaking, haha). Then I turned on my electric blanket and got into bed all warm and snuggly and put on a guided meditation and went to sleep with my cat at my feet. …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/09/20 10:27 PM
13

In terms of popular movies, I get a lot of flak from (female) friends for not loving The Princess Bride. I saw the movie as a teenager, went, "the movie is fun, but Princess Buttercup is a total waste of space," and carried on with my life. According to the vast majority of my friends, I'm an idiot to not LOVE this movie because sure, Buttercup could be more helpful, but the movie itself is amazing and perfect. Aside from her begging for Wesley's life when they come out of the forest of rats or …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/09/20 03:30 AM
1

Ahahahahahaha this is beautiful
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/09/20 02:37 AM
2

Girl same
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/09/20 02:30 AM
3

I've got a friend like this who describes it as wanting "support". I've got serious compassion fatigue from listening to the same problems again and again with no option to make suggestions for improvement, since she doesn't want solutions, she just wants to "vent". Fair enough, we all need to vent sometimes, but if it's the same shit year after year, its It's hard to keep caring. She's exhausting. Since I've been in therapy I noticed she's distancing herself from me, which is perfect, since it …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/09/20 04:13 AM
3

FANTASTIC points here. Thanks so much for such a thoughtful reply. I am so sorry you went through that
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/09/20 01:22 PM
17

I just started noticing this recently. I've seen 1 hot guy in about three weeks of working in a public place. Tons of scruffy or fat or slobby or otherwise unappealing options, though. And yeah, I see a LOT of beautiful women
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/09/20 05:00 AM
39

I dated a new guy about 6 months after choosing to leave my husband, because I was screamingly lonely. He bullied me into unprotected sex because he got limp with condoms, he was cheap, lazy, had a potbelly, and gamed all the time. But I was lonely, and he reminded me of my ex. And one afternoon sitting in his gross apartment listening to him complain about his job while I scratched his back, I realized it wasn't really loneliness, but the absence of the familiar. It was familiar to be mildly un…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/09/20 04:23 AM
5

I feel you so much. I'm halfway between WGTOW and FDS in terms of how I feel about men right now. I'm gonna be 41 this fall and I'm not dating due to recovery from my abusive marriage (separated and currently filing for divorce). Only been on FDS for 2 days and I'm posting here because I'm not ready to discuss this stuff with my friends, since nearly all of them are in relationships with LVM and I feel like they'll call me crazy if I offer them the handbook or mention what I've been reading. I'd…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/09/20 07:41 AM
7

"Dick is abundant and low value" that's my new mantra right there
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/09/20 07:16 AM
2

So no time traveling kids from the future, huh? (Also what the actual fuck)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/09/20 07:02 AM
5

Thanks. The future does look brighter, but I have a lot of work to do. Therapy is helping me self-evaluate a lot... one thing my therapist pointed out was how much my behavior of people-pleasing boiled down to how little I valued myself. The handbook just shone a real bright light on exactly how I was exhibiting those qualities. Since I stopped wearing my wedding ring it's like I shot a flare in the night sky while yelling, "Single with low self-esteem!" and brought some seriously LVM/NVM sniffi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/09/20 09:52 PM
36

Just discovered this sub yesterday, read the handbook in an afternoon, and spent the day walking around in a haze, re-evaluating every relationship I've ever had and realizing they were all LVM. I am a pretty woman and I've punched below my weight all my life in desperation to be loved. I've been in therapy for about a month due to my recent separation from an abusive husband. At age 40, I live on my own for the first time in my life. I'm underemployed but working on it. I was afraid to ask for …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/09/20 07:08 PM
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