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enharmonia Archive

View 0 posts and 153 comments by enharmonia on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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3

I feel this too - same situation, my abusive exes moved on to long term relationships shortly after I broke up with them and I can't even meet anyone who is decent. I know that part of my frustration right now is because I've raised my standards so much and I know that I won't be happy with anything less, because I put up with that for so long, but like...maybe I could have been happy if I didn't know better?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/22 01:53 PM
14

Yep, and it affects both men and women. Because so much of our interaction today is virtual (not just on social media, but things like FaceTime and Zoom), and that stuff is often (usually) edited and filtered, when you see somebody IRL, of course they're not going to look the same. People are losing touch with what real, in person, humans look like because we're so used to seeing touched up images online
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/22 01:34 PM
77

Yep - when I was gearing up to leave my controlling ex, I shut down like this because I just didn't care anymore and I didn't want to waste energy on him. If a woman gets upset that means she's still emotionally invested but if she's quiet and detached - that means there's trouble.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/22 06:32 PM
51

This is sort of how I'm feeling about it too - I often feel lonely and want to find "my person", but I've only experienced very stressful relationships with men and I don't see how I could ever find anything easy. I hear people talk about how everything with their SO is "so easy and not stressful" but it doesn't seem possible to me. So maybe I just need to fully embrace the freedom I have being single
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/02/22 08:07 PM
16

This isn't even surrogacy - it's just getting her sister pregnant
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/22 09:21 PM
5

1 resonated with me, I'm going to remember and start doing this. Thank you!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/22 08:33 PM
9

Something similar happens with Snapchat - when you save somebody's number they will show up in the "add friends" page. This one is especially useful because Snapchat has usernames and because people tend to use the same username on many sites, you can google it and see what else he might be up to online. This is how I found out a guy who gave me his number was super active on PUA forums
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/22 05:12 PM
18

Yep - road rage was the first red flag in my ex that I missed. He would scream at people out the window, try to cut them off, curse them out for merging before an exit. His excuse was "well, fuck them" and the abuse started not long after
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/01/22 01:56 PM
50

Same happened to me - I got to the place a few minutes early and he was already there with his drink. He’s then like “why don’t you go up and get yourself something?” Ugh
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/12/21 07:36 PM
27

All this to say, if your ex had it made like it seems he does, then there would be no call for him to contact you again I'm going through the same thing as OP and feeling the exact same way and this helped me put it in perspective and feel better - thank you so much for this
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/21 02:46 PM
40

Yep! My ex bf had this unusually stupid dog that he treated like his child and even said would always be more important than me. My theory is that he worshipped the dog because it would never challenge him or make him take responsibility for the terrible way that he treated people
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/11/21 02:22 PM
17

Yep! People would literally stop my worst ex on the street to tell him that I was out of his league and to not screw it up and this would make him so mad that he'd take it out on me later.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/21 04:50 PM
3

My ex was just like this - I wasn’t “allowed” to go out and do anything on my own if there would be other men around (not even go to the gym bc there were dudes there) but when I was in a situation where a man was harassing me and making me uncomfortable and I actually wanted him to step in, all of a sudden he was blind and deaf.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/10/21 01:40 PM
90

I once had a man that I trust tell me that men know within 3 months if they want to marry a woman. I believe this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/21 03:59 PM
3

It is - it's a parody of My Strange Addiction by the drag queens. It says so in the comments
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/09/21 04:22 PM
39

I recently found myself in this exact situation - "it's too late for me to go home", "You've got me so turned on", and he kept trying again and again after I told him no and removed his hands from me and he was literally commanding me to touch him. Eventually I just gave in but felt really weird about it the next day so I talked to somebody at the Sexual Assault hotline. They told me to "set better boundaries".
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/09/21 02:01 PM
5

My LVX did this - he admitted to me that if a girl had her IG handle on her dating app profile he would follow her and then DM her to get her attention, especially if they didn't match. He refused to unfollow these women even after we were together.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/08/21 01:55 PM
14

What are some good NYC meetup groups/sites? I used to use Meetup but have recently found it overwhelming and don't like how you have to pay to RSVP
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/21 06:46 PM
5

YES to the IG thing. My ex would also spend 3-4 hours a day on there, not looking at pictures of women but still just endlessly scrolling for literally hours at a time. His excuse was "there are career opportunities on here" - ???
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/07/21 01:12 PM
16

He dropped out of grad school because he couldn't handle the one class a week he had to go to, moved in with his new gf's parents in the suburbs, gained 150 pounds, and works in a warehouse. I knew that his lack of motivation would get him in the end.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/05/21 06:12 PM
9

This is a classic PUA tactic: it helps them "test" whether or not you'll put up with more crap like this in the future.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/08/20 06:17 PM
2

I'm also 5'8 and I've met more than one guy off OLD who said they were anywhere from 5'10 to 6 feet, and then they show up and I'm taller than them. Then they still insist they're 6 feet....ok
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/07/20 02:24 PM
2

I feel the exact same way, down the percentage, haha.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/20 07:18 PM
3

It just means that they weren't the right person for you. Instead of thinking "this person was perfect for me, but they ghosted me" think "They aren't perfect for me BECAUSE they ghosted me". A good man won't do that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/20 06:20 PM
60

Been in this exact situation: I'd tell him about something he did that hurt me and he'd turn it around and be like "It hurts me so much that you think I'm such a terrible partner" and then I'd have to comfort him. So glad I know better now.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/07/20 06:16 PM
5

I get so uncomfortable when I hear people refer to any sort of sex/kinky stuff as "play". I see people looking for "play partners"...a "play partner" should be a child who goes on a playdate with another child, not some poor woman you've talked into doing degrading stuff with your significant other. It's pedo.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/07/20 01:11 PM
28

There's this weird trend on twitter where people overshare really "embarrassing" experiences (typically really gross sex stuff) for attention. The worst part is that men LOVE it and eat it up.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/07/20 06:21 PM
2

Right? It's hurting my self esteem because I know other people aren't having the same experience because when I've used it in the past, the profiles were much higher quality. No idea what's happening this time around.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/07/20 01:38 PM
2

I think this might be it. I spoofed my location on my computer to another major city and saw lots of good profiles with good looking people, but when I return to my current location, it's the bottom of the barrel. For some reason, I'm only seeing those in my actual city, which is unfortunate because that's where I'd actually want to meet people :(
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/07/20 01:58 PM
4

I've been dating men for 13 years and have never received flowers
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/07/20 03:55 PM
12

I know that we're not always pro-OLD here, but it's been a good option for me in the past so I redownloaded my dating apps yesterday and...it's abysmal. Before, when I would create a new profile, I would see lots of good looking people with coherent, smart profiles, and this time the options are terrible. I'm not really referring to the physical attractiveness of the men, I mean that nearly every profile I see has photos of memes, torsos, or pets instead of photos of their face, with no bio or j…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/07/20 01:07 PM
15

It's illegal for an employer to have you work for free
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/07/20 10:22 PM
8

Agree. I think it's "worse" than internet porn because of the personal element. It can make men feel more invested in the girl, like they have an actual relationship with them when they don't.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/07/20 08:00 PM
1

I thought the same thing when I saw this photo! She's the 2020 version of Blair
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/07/20 05:14 PM
35

I think that it's obvious that men are using PUA stuff when they don't do it well, but when someone who is "skilled" at it (ugh, what a concept), it's harder to tell and can be effective, and that's why it's dangerous and important for women to read up on their techniques so they know what to look out for. I met a man last year who was nice, respectful, and charming, so I gave him my number and we talked a little bit and eventually met up for coffee. He was similarly kind and well-behaved, but h…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/07/20 04:58 PM
8

I got a message on a dating app that said "Wow, you must love food". There is no mention of food/cooking/etc. anywhere on my profile so all I heard was "Hey fatty!"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/07/20 04:25 PM
14

I had a guy tell me that same thing last year. I've struggled with an ED since my teens so it messed me up for a few weeks.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/07/20 04:24 PM
34

I've spent my time in lockdown working out a LOT and I'm in the best shape I've ever been in. I've also revamped my skincare routine....I can't wait until things start opening up again so I can see if it was worth it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/07/20 06:34 PM
9

Yes! Or if they mention "sarcastic banter" it means "I will be rude and make fun of you but you can't be upset about it"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/07/20 06:11 PM
5

I constantly see things like "50+ countries and counting"...who cares?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/07/20 06:11 PM
9

I can't deal with grown ass men (any adult, really) who is afraid to make a phone call.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/07/20 05:46 PM
22

Aiden was the ONLY good guy on that show. Don't get me started on how awful Mr. Big is
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/07/20 05:44 PM
9

That's not a joke, that's a straight up threat
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/07/20 05:42 PM
2

I'm willing to help with this!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/20 07:47 PM
4

I use Bumble but after I send the first message, I sit back and let them initiate everything from then on. I never ask for phone number or ask for a date. It's up to them if they respond and continue the conversation.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/20 05:24 PM
9

In my city (in the USA) there are far more men than women, so this is sadly common. I have so many great, smart, beautiful female friends who are with dudes who have no hygiene, terrible jobs, don't have their life together. It's frustrating. It's also a very popular city for people to visit, and on the other hand, I've noticed many foreign couples where the man is significantly more attractive than the woman. I wonder what that's about...and whether I should move to wherever they're from.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/20 05:21 PM
37

Lmao this is true of 100% of the poly people I've encountered. Like trust me, I wouldn't want to get involved with ONE of you, let alone the whole group.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/20 05:18 PM
29

Once had plans to meet up with a guy from OLD and the day of he says something like "my wife will meet us at the bar later"...no mention of her at all up until then! Turns out they were in an open relationship and he didn't think to tell me about this at all OR include it in his profile.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/20 05:18 PM
29

I hate that things like farting around each other and using the bathroom with the door open are considered a "sign of closeness". No matter how comfortable I am with somebody...it's disgusting. If you say so you're labeled as "uptight" or "prissy".
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/07/20 08:22 PM
11

It exists, but it's definitely not an indicator of a relationship's long term success. The only person I am 100% sure I felt a "spark" with was a poor communicator and cheated on me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/07/20 08:18 PM
6

Lmao, he certainly wasn't. Abusive to me at home and had a questionable relationship with the 18/19 year olds he was "mentoring" through some program at the school.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/07/20 01:58 PM
1

I also really don't enjoy most cardio, especially if I'm doing it "at exercise". Before COVID I was a professional dancer (not stripper) so going to dance class/rehearsal/etc. was my way of getting cardio. Is there something that you enjoy that's also exercise: biking, skateboarding, swimming? I also spend an hour every day doing barre and/or pilates and I've noticed a huge difference in how I look at feel since starting that. Sometimes if I get annoyed by the instructor in the video I'll put in…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/20 09:01 PM
3

How long have you been dating? Do you feel like he genuinely wanted to be exclusive with you, or do you have any indication that he was dragging his feet? Of course it's always better if he brings it up first and initiates, but if you've been dating a long time without any exclusivity talk and it's what you want...well, somebody has to bring it up! The drawback here is that if you have indeed been dating a long time and he never brought it up, that's not promising. I would make sure from here on…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/20 08:45 PM
3

I worked with a similarly nasty coworker for 2 years whose behavior I would also describe as bullying, but in an immature, middle-school fashion: she would create drama by talking about people behind their backs, consistently told me I was "too fat" to sit in view of clients, and would curse out and berate clients both over the phone and to their faces. I have no idea how she wasn't fired. I escalated her behavior to every single person "above" us in the office, with no success (I think she was …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/20 08:38 PM
75

Omg my ex was like a walking encyclopedia of "unpopular" Reddit opinions: women should ask men out, men don't get enough compliments, etc. He once went off on a rant about how "male teachers are so oppressed in the workforce" and got upset with me when I wasn't sympathetic enough.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/20 08:23 PM
11

WOW porn?? Omg noooooo
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/20 08:36 PM
31

I went on ONE date with a guy like this: he spent almost the whole night teasing me and making fun of me. I called him out on it and he said "It means I like you, because it shows that I'm comfortable with you". He didn't understand why I didn't want to be around somebody who just said negative stuff about me all the time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/20 08:32 PM
27

I feel/felt the exact same way about my abusive ex: when I finally was able to break up with him I wasn't sad about it at all. Now when I think about the situation I just get angry that I wasted my time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/20 05:05 PM
18

This is a good one. It helped me realize that one of my exes who I just thought was an immature cheater was actually abusive, and helped me work through why I was still so upset about it. Highly recommend.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/06/20 08:50 PM
1

A HVM will want to pay, because they want to provide for and do nice things for the woman that they're spending their time with. It took me some time to get over feeling bad about letting them pay, but a man worth your time will want to do this and won't be put out by it (and definitely won't act put out!) As for being assertive, without being bitchy, my rule is to use kind words and say nice things (that is, if it's not a dangerous situation), but let my actions get the point across. For exampl…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/06/20 05:30 PM
1

Could he have been making a joke that just landed poorly? I could imagine somebody saying this with a wink IRL and it maybe coming off as a flirty thing....but it's nearly impossible to tell that over text. It is an odd reply though, and you might be onto something with the insecure attempt at confidence idea. If you feel like he's playing games or purposely trying to distance himself to come across as aloof, I'd think hard about whether or not it's worth the effort. If there's nothing else to i…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/06/20 05:26 PM
46

Yeah, this is a thing. I had a guy come up to me on the street and ask if I "worked in fashion" because I "looked super fashionable". I was wearing black jeans and a floral blouse. Googled his number and turned out he was super into PUA shit
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/06/20 08:48 PM
12

Yeah this has to be satire
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/06/20 06:23 PM
20

HVM won't do this when talking to you in OLD. It's an easy way to filter them out. I've actually met some decent men online (despite what many people say here, they do exist, although I live in a huge city so the odds are better) and none of them said anything even remotely sexual or suggestive on the app or before we met.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/06/20 07:54 PM
61

What does he even want then?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/06/20 07:50 PM
10

There's no joke here
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/06/20 06:08 PM
8

100% agree about standup comedians. I have so many stories from my time in the "comedy world" in my city that would give away my identity if I elaborated, but I was continually shocked at the disgusting things so many of them did and got away with.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/06/20 06:06 PM
5

This is good, I'm going to remember that line the next time some dude is like "Let's hang out"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/06/20 06:44 PM
21

Even if they are actually siblings, it's super weird to have that many photos with any woman on your dating profile.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/06/20 06:42 PM
6

But it's totally OK that he's talking to 12.5 other girls and can ghost you whenever he wants because "we weren't exclusive".
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/06/20 06:19 PM
8

I don't discuss my sex life with my friends either, besides the occasional off the cuff comment that's basically like "Yes, I've had sex before". At my last job, my coworkers would discuss their sex lives in really explicit detail with each other, no matter who was around, and would pressure people to join in. If you were uncomfortable, you were labeled "sex negative".
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/06/20 06:18 PM
75

Her post comes across as really humblebraggy...it seems like she's posting in order to have people tell her that she's "better" than her friends for doing these things. It's actually really sad.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/06/20 06:16 PM
25

I once had a guy that I met on Tinder ask me some really explicit sexual questions about what I was "into" (re. kink stuff) and when I told him to slow down, he told me I was "too sex negative" to find anyone these days. BYE.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/06/20 06:08 PM
19

This is why the Catfish show is so baffling (and yet entertaining) to me. These people have never met, and many of them have never even talked on the phone or videochatted, and yet they claim to be soooo in love with the other person. How does that work?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/06/20 05:40 PM
2

My ex would get so worked up and upset every time he had to make a phone call and once the call began he would barely be able to hold a conversation. Like how immature are you that you can't handle a phone call?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/20 08:27 PM
3

They're literally the only people who think stuff like this is funny. This kind of crap is all over r/Tinder and it's a cringefest
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/20 08:04 PM
7

I hate when they say misogynistic shit like this under the guise of being "woke" or "feminist". It's sneaky.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/20 05:58 PM
1

That's so frustrating too! All it's taught me is that actions speak louder than words, every time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/20 05:42 PM
1

You're lucky that they all showed up for the dates as well! In my experience, roughly 40% of the online dates that I set up cancel last minute or ghost in the days leading up. Such a waste of my time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/20 01:06 PM
3

Yep. So simple, and so true, yet this is one of the easiest ones for me to forget.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/20 03:03 PM
15

I had this exact same situation: I opened up about the terrible things that my exes did to me, hoping that new guy would keep them in mind and make an effort to not do the same thing. Nope, just lowered my value in his mind because I somehow "deserved" what happened to me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/20 03:02 PM
2

It seems redundant for him to say that he wants somebody "smart and funny": isn't that what literally everybody wants in a partner? I've also noticed that men to make a point to say that they want an intelligent woman get REALLY intimidated and insecure when they actually are involved with one. They often mean "I want somebody who will agree with me on everything and reassure me that I'm right about everything". Similarly, when they say they want a "funny" woman, they just mean "someone who will…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/20 02:57 PM
5

I agree with this advice, if you say that you prefer to talk in person it could also help nudge him towards asking you out on another date. Was he a similarly awkward texter before the date and/or through the OLD you met on? Some people really are bad texters not in that it takes forever for them to respond (I don't buy that BS) but they just say weird things or come off awkward. I don't necessarily think that is a bad thing if they're not being rude or neglectful.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/20 02:53 PM
26

Reminds me of another front page post from awhile back where one of the Miss America contestants did a science experiment for the talent portion of the competition. All of the comments were either about her looks (both positive and negative, you can never win) OR were things like "She's faking it" or "AKTSHUALLY, she's doing it incorrectly, let me explain why because I'm Very Smart" or "She's only doing it because she's not like other girls". It's so frustrating!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/20 02:50 PM
64

I had a (gay) male friend in college who was talking about how he cheated on his bf and when I was like "wtf, that's terrible, why did you do that?" he goes "Well, you know, sometimes it just happens. That's how it is". ???? Cheating does not "just happen"!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/20 02:48 PM
4

If it was only a 9 month relationship, then 3 months could be an acceptable amount of time. I would pay close attention to how he talks about her (if he does at all). If he's comparing you to her at all, or talking shit about her, I'd move on because nobody worth your time should be doing that crap anyway. Something that can help you figure out if you're a rebound is asking why the relationship ended. If he says something that has to do with himself, like "I just needed to focus on work/myself/w…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/06/20 07:09 PM
24

I've noticed this too! I live in a city where cat calling is a huge issue and when I go out when I'm fully done up, I'm left alone. If I go out in leggings and a t shirt, no makeup, (which I rarely do) it's incessant. I got whistled at on more than ever when I went out to get Gatorade when I had food poisoning lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/06/20 06:42 PM
10

Right? The advice is always to date around and have multiple guys that you're seeing but it's so difficult to find ONE to even swipe right on, let alone one that will not ghost you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/06/20 06:05 PM
8

Yes! There is so much misogyny that seems to be "hard wired" into reddit...it's prevalent everywhere. Even when they're trying to prove how "feminist" and "woke" they are it's just insulting and proves how much they actually hate women.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/06/20 06:04 PM
3

I think that it's a good idea to live with somebody before you get married, but I'd be very reluctant to live with somebody before we were engaged. I've lived with one boyfriend in the past, and it was a miserable experience because of who he was and how he lived. He went from being occasionally rude to legitimately abusive and was constantly gaslighting me (and I mean this in the actual definition of the term, not the hot new way that twitter likes to use it each week). He was drunk almost ever…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/20 09:07 PM
3

Truth to all of this! When I lived with my ex I saw how truly gross the way that he lived his life was, and I never would have found that out otherwise. The time that we spent living together was miserable, but at least it showed me how to behaves ALL of the time (and I got to keep the really nice apartment so.....)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/20 09:00 PM
11

Completely agree with your last sentence. When I moved in with my ex I thought that it was because he took our relationship seriously and was excited to move to the next stage of commitment....turned out that his lease had expired months ago and he was too lazy to find a new place so he decided it would be an easy solution to move in with me. (I know better now, he lied about this at the time). Now I'm not sure I'd live with a SO unless we were engaged
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/20 08:58 PM
12

3 is never appropriate, in any situation
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/20 08:55 PM
6

Agree 100%. When I was younger I used to really want a big wedding, but now I don't want a ceremony at all. I have friends who eloped and then threw a big party for all of their friends as their "reception" and I really liked that idea.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/20 06:02 PM
3

That's terrible! I'm so sorry that he did that to you, what a terrible betrayal. Your idea about doing something productive when I feel like dwelling is amazing...I can't believe that I've never tried anything like that before. Thanks so much for telling your story and being so nice <3
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/20 02:08 PM
8

Yes! So funny...Danny is such a misogynistic dick though
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/20 04:36 AM
2

Definitely, I’d be honest with her if she asked. But he lied to me about all of his past relationships so who knows what he’s told her about me...the chances of her ever reaching out to me are extremely low
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/20 04:28 AM
2

Because of this, I worry about the girl that my abusive ex is with :/
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/06/20 10:11 PM
3

Agree with this. It's an odd term to use here.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/06/20 08:17 PM
8

Hi ladies, Not really sure what I'm looking to get by posting this, kind of just looking to vent about something that's been getting me down and weighing on my self esteem recently. I've noticed a pattern where every single LVM I've dated has gotten into a long term relationship with the next person that they date after me. They usually start dating them within days or weeks after we've broken up, while I'm still picking up the pieces and rebuilding myself. My two most significant exes (who were…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/06/20 07:04 PM
6

I always swipe left on profiles that have any mention of politics (this is a personal preference, I don't get on well with people who consider politics to be part of their personality) and any profile that has a list of what they DON'T want. So many guys list things like "No curvy girls, no tall girls, no golddiggers" and it's off putting. Similarly, when they list things that they DO want ie. "please be normal, please be superficial". It's just another way of stating what they don't want and it…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/06/20 04:29 PM
1

I'm built just like you except the larger bust: I have HUGE, wide shoulders (I joke that my body type is "linebacker") and proportionally wide hips, but a small waist and long arms and legs. I can't wear anything that's baggy or not fitted because of the exact issue that you described: it hangs off my shoulders and makes me look huge all the way down. Because of this, I gravitate towards form fitting stuff. I wear a lot of wrap dress and "fit and flare" dresses, anything that is fitted at the wa…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/06/20 05:34 PM
1

I get "You look familiar, I'm sure we've met before" allll the time from people I definitely do not know. I think these are just opening lines.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/06/20 05:18 PM
6

I used to feel this same way: I think it's because I take so much pride in the fact that I support myself 100% and earn my own money that it felt like a blow to my ego to have somebody else pay for something. What helped me was realizing not only that I am "the prize", but that a HVM actually wants to provide for the woman and do things for them. It actually stokes their ego (in a good way) so I don't feel bad about it anymore.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/06/20 05:03 PM
2

Happy birthday!!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/06/20 04:57 PM
5

For Tinder/online dates, always meet in public for the first meeting, and provide your own transportation (ie. don't let them pick you up in their car). That way if it's a bad situation, you have the freedom to leave, and you're not reliant on them for a ride, and they don't have your address. If things progress and you decide that you trust them, you can always adjust your standards. Pretty sure I'm still a newbie around here, but feel free to message me any time you want! I'm always open to ch…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/06/20 04:57 PM
4

wtf does this even mean?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/06/20 04:46 PM
2

Thank you!! I figured this was the case and although I truly don't care about the points on here (I know that sounds defensive...lol) I thought it was losing my mind when I saw it change so suddenly
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/20 01:32 PM
6

Is it normal for comments in this sub to be downvoted to hell all the time? I don't really pay attention to my karma on here but I was looking at my user overview this morning and noticed that a comment I made that had 30something points the other day now has 7. Do dudes come in here and downvote everything?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/06/20 02:45 PM
9

My ex did this type of thing too, but with a bit of a twist: he was really into porn and would encourage me to be "curvier" despite him having gained 50+ pounds while we were together. I've never been higher than BMI 20 my whole life but liked girls who were "curvy in the right way" which you can only do so much about.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/06/20 06:25 PM
6

This is true, it's gotten so much worse over that past few years. Last guy I dated before quarantine could not make a single decision about anything we did together. I would suggest that we hang out (I know, I know, I'm not doing this anymore) and it would be an HOUR of texting back and forth with him going "idk what I want to do". Even if I suggested something specific he'd be wishy washy about it. It gave me the impression that he never left his house at all lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/06/20 06:21 PM
31

My ex did the same thing to me! I'm lucky enough to come from a very "comfortable" family and he grew up solidly lower middle class. He spent the holidays with my family one year and then spent weeks berating me for trying to make him feel worthless. He pitched a fit when my family bought him holiday gifts because he thought that I told them to do so to make him feel like he couldn't provide for me. I didn't....but he definitely couldn't provide for anyone, not even himself, so.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/06/20 06:15 PM
5

I've noticed this too! I don't know if I'm being unfair but I get irritated when I'm on a date and get back from the restroom and find the guy scrolling on his phone.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/06/20 06:21 PM
23

I'm 5'8 and have gone out with multiple guys who've said that they're 6 feet and they show up and we're the same height. And then they insist that they didn't lie.....
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/05/20 05:57 PM
5

Yep!! My ex would always refer to one girl that he dated as "crazy" and would tell me about all of the "insane" things she would do (to be fair, the stories he told were pretty unhinged). Turns out....he cheated on her and she got upset about it, making her "crazy". And then he does the exact same thing to me, cheats and tells all of our mutual friends that I'm "crazy bitch" for calling him out on it. I was disappointed that our friends believed him and didn't notice that this was a pattern for …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/05/20 03:34 PM
2

I always report these profiles lmao
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/05/20 06:47 PM
11

Super disrespectful. I've never tolerated any profanity being used towards me like this at all. I always women talking about getting into arguments with their SOs where they're like "He called me a bitch but that's just how he gets when he's upset" and it makes me sad.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/05/20 06:44 PM
7

I worked with a girl who bought a house with her bf of 1 year (not engaged or anything) and thought it was such a dumb, risky move.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/05/20 06:54 PM
23

My least favorite is "Is your wife/gf single?". So stupid
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/05/20 06:30 PM
7

My ex would do this shit all the time! I'd let him know I was unhappy with something that he did and the conversation would end with him in tears because I "made him feel like a jerk and a bad boyfriend" and then I'd have to apologize so he would no longer see me as the asshole who started everything.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/05/20 08:30 PM
16

I was recently talking with somebody on a dating app, and out of nowhere they started asking me very explicit sexual questions. I told them to slow it down and they got really upset and starting going on about how I wasn't "sex positive enough for them". Ugh.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/05/20 06:39 PM
1

Similar situation, I've kept my OLD profiles active and have had multiple guys suggest that we meet up in the park for a "date" or want me to come over so they can "make me dinner". Oof.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/05/20 07:01 PM
2

I am, thanks for asking! They didn't start acting like this, and therefore I didn't start feeling this way, until I was already in too deep (as these things often go). We were living together so ghosting wasn't really an option.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/04/20 01:23 PM
3

For me, I was indeed repulsed by them but knew they would get aggressive with me if I said anything or tried to distance myself so I felt like I needed to keep that to myself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/04/20 08:53 PM
3

I'm 5'8 and in my experience, men on the taller side (6ft+) want short girls, like 5'2 and below. Maybe you're onto something with the pedo thing lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/04/20 09:06 PM
2

Not who you replied to, but I've found that in relationships that began when I made the first move, it sent a precedent that I would ALWAYS have to be the one to initiate anything if I wanted anything to happen. They wouldn't plan dates, try to move the relationship forward, nothing like that. It was always up to me to make anything happen and as a result I felt like they were not really interested.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/04/20 08:48 PM
4

Wow, this is my experience to a t. I've had to do most of the pursuing in all of my relationships and it was just never good. I put in all of the effort and would then be disappointed when they didn't match my level of effort. I know better now.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/04/20 08:46 PM
7

They're just selfish, concerned with saving their own reputation at the expense of others. I'm still hurt by it, but it helps to remind myself that I don't want somebody who acts like that in my life anyway
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/04/20 04:51 PM
13

My ex did this to me: cheated on me repeatedly, denied it when I confronted him about it (I had hard proof) and told all of our mutual friends that I was "another crazy bitch" and they believed him. Full disclosure, it sucked a lot and was really hard, but people who are worth being in your life won't fall for it and will stick with you. If they refuse to listen to the other side...not worth it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/04/20 04:37 PM
2

I'm 5'8 and so many dudes will still claim to be anywhere from 5'10 to over 6 feet tall even when they're standing right in front of me and they're clearly shorter than me (or the same height). I never say anything but if they bring it up I'm usually like "Oh, I must actually be 6 feet tall then" and that ends it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/04/20 07:00 PM
2

Same, I'm 5'8 and have and have had numerous guys be like "I'm 5'10 or 6 feet" when they're standing right in front of me and we're clearly the same height. K.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/04/20 06:59 PM
2

My ex used to complain that I was "using him for his money" when he made a lot less than me and I would ask that we split our grocery costs instead of me paying for everything...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/04/20 01:03 PM
2

Sure, but saying he hadn't had anything to drink when he clearly had and telling me that it was all in my head is definitely gaslighting
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/03/20 01:42 PM
5

My ex would tell me I was too judgemental and too critical because I got upset when he drank too much (which is when he would get really nasty). He'd corner me in the kitchen and yell at me for being "such a source of stress" in his life that he had no choice but to get drunk every night. He would then start lying about the drinking itself and straight up deny it...like I would come home to him visibly drunk and empty bottles everywhere and he would insist that he hadn't had anything and that I …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/20 11:26 PM
21

WOW, did we date the same person? My ex would do the same thing, corner me in the kitchen and yell at me for "making him so angry" and telling me that the reason he "needed" to drink was because I stressed him out...then when I got upset he would tell me I was "too sensitive" and "too insecure"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/20 11:23 PM
39

Been on the receiving end of this for the past few years.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/03/20 01:51 PM
36

I've always wondered this, like why are you together if you don't like spending time together? I have a friend who lives with his gf in a studio apartment and he says that people always ask them stuff like "Don't you just hate having to spend all that time together?" and he's like "No....because we like each other".
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/03/20 01:50 PM
31

Those comments make me so sad
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/03/20 12:26 AM
9

I'm feeling the exact same way! I was really feeling good and very confident about myself and my future for the first time in a long time and then all of this happens. I was so ready to meet a bunch of people and now it's more or less illegal to do so. Ugh!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/03/20 12:21 AM
4

For little things like this, especially if it's a new person, I often have an "everybody gets one mistake" mindset. I also think it can take time to figure out someone else's communication style, especially when it comes to texting, but in the end if you can't deal with how they communicate, it may not be worth it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/03/20 12:19 AM
9

Pretty lame that he couldn't give you any heads up at all on Sunday. You could always point that out to him but if it were up to me I'd move on.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/20 03:31 PM
33

These types of threads are the worst because it brings out all of the guys who want praise for literally the most basic hygiene (case in point: the post above that was given gold). Why should they be rewarded for NOT being disgusting?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/03/20 05:47 PM
7

I haven't traveled much because I want somebody to go with and SO many dudes are like "What's stopping you, why don't you just go alone?"...it doesn't even occur to them how dangerous it can be to travel as a woman alone, especially in some places.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/03/20 03:55 PM
24

This is legitimately terrifying.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/03/20 01:27 PM
7

Oh my god the whole "traveling as a personality" thing is so annoying...it's so boring! Their travel stories are only interesting to them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/03/20 01:24 PM
2

Often, yes. I've (not knowingly) gone out with a few men who told me that they were recently out of a long term relationship and when I asked how long it had been since it ended it was often like...a week. Yike.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/20 01:46 PM
2

Recently went on a date where the guy did not stop talking for 30 minutes straight. He spent the whole time talking AT me, not TO me, and then was confused as to why I didn't want to get a drink after dinner. Literally didn't ask a single thing about me or let me talk at all.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/03/20 03:39 AM
2

Exactly! None of this means anything
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/03/20 10:19 PM
6

6 drives me insane...it's like they somehow think they're better and "more enlightened" and monogamy is somehow beneath them. So irritating.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/03/20 06:23 PM
2

How do you navigate the "What are you looking for?" question when OLD? I've always answered this question honestly (looking for something stable and long term) when asked, but somebody pointed out to me that men will just agree with whatever you say so that they can get what they want from you. What's the best/smoothest way to turn this question around on them to get them to answer first?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/03/20 09:43 PM
3

Following because I just went through this exact thing: met someone through OLD who was very charming and funny and great to talk to via text, but was reluctant to actually meet up IRL. Once we finally did, he was so shy and awkward and when he did talk, he spent most of the time teasing me. Once we went our separate ways, he was texting me all of the romantic and suggestive things he said that he was thinking and wanted to say IRL...but why should I believe that? It doesn't seem worth the time …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/03/20 09:36 PM
1

This saved me one time...guy I met on the street gave me his number and he was cute and not creepy and seemed normal enough. Googled his number and found that he gave me a fake name AND was super into PUA shit....
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/03/20 09:33 PM
4

Yeah, I'd get rid of him. I wouldn't feel good about being the backup plan
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/03/20 09:31 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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