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esiemualB Archive

View 0 posts and 290 comments by esiemualB on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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1

I don't live in the US, so I can't really say what it's like there, but having grown up in Germany, there definitely was pressure to do something that matches your gender. Of course, people often don't spell it out for you like "you're a girl, so you must do something girly", but it is noticeable, and there are many accounts of women who have experienced some kind of influence. It doesn't even need to be a conversation about career paths. There are many small influences that can accumulate to th…
/r/PurplePillDebate02/06/19 08:11 PM
1

So, don't you think that people should pursue a career that matches their strengths, abilities and interests? And do your strengths and interests match your gender role? Because mine don't. I am a female computer scientist, and many people in my life have encouraged me to become a maths teacher, because I am good at maths and teaching is a career that would match my gender role. I hate being around children, though. Even though I am pretty stubborn as well, I think that it would have been much m…
/r/PurplePillDebate02/06/19 11:08 AM
2

I consider gender equality to be the idea that everyone should get the same chances and support in life, regardless of gender. I don't find this definition to be at odds with my desires, as I don't desire "masculine" men, and I don't like it when toxic or non-toxic masculinity benefits me in a way in which it would not benefit a man. For example, I find it patronizing when a guy offers to help me in situations where he would not help another man (usually with things that require some level of ph…
/r/PurplePillDebate30/05/19 11:13 AM
1

I think it is a bit sexist and/or homophobic to base whether or not you greet someone with a hug on their gender or sex. Of course, I can think of worse things to do, but I think you should base your decision about hugging people on how close you are to them and whether or not you and the other person feel comfortable hugging. I do know men who hug each other, and I do know men who greet at least some women with a more masculine handshake and/or shoulder-bump-hug. I also don't think that it is c…
/r/PurplePillDebate03/05/19 07:35 PM
1

You specifically mentioned how dating new people is exhausting for you, and how you don't have to waste time going on dates when in a relationship. That is why I thought that maybe you don't go on dates in an existing relationship. Sorry about misjudging you on that one. By social punishments I don't mean some random person on the street who doesn't affect your life. I mean someone like your parents or your friends, who would be super pissed at her and sabotage your relationship because they thi…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/04/19 12:30 AM
2

That's because you're a man and they are women, and gender roles still impact us today. The female gender role expects women to put their male SO's career first. Even if you were completely fine with moving to another city or even another country for your SO's career, she would still get all the social punishments for being a "horrible girlfriend" by choosing her career over yours or over the relationship. Also, if your employer finds out that you're in a serious relationship as a woman, you mig…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/04/19 08:15 PM
1

Yes, they're possible. I have male friends that I don't see as potential partners. They are currently all in relationships and didn't hit on me when they or I was single, so I assume they don't see me as a potential partner either. I am okay with my bf having female friends. My bf is also okay with me having male friends. My male friends' girlfriends are also okay with them having female friends. I really don't understand why this is such a big deal to many people on reddit, because mixed gender…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/04/19 07:45 PM
2

The thing is, drinking doesn't make you, your hair, or your dick grow. So, these self-destructive behaviours won't be linked to these problems, unlike starving yourself to death, which is very obviously linked to weight. That is why you will maybe have a more general movement advocating for men's mental health (there are already movements advocating against drinking and doing drugs), and less of a specific movement advocating for the acceptance of certain body types.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/04/19 03:12 PM
1

So, doesn't communicate properly and he cheated? I would break up with him. We obviously don't have a "great relationship outside the issue", because now that he made it clear that he won't tell me what's going on, I would not be able to trust him with anything he says.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/04/19 03:05 PM
1

As soon as there is a widespread issue of boys and men self-harming over baldness, shortness, or small dicks there will be an acceptance movement for that as well. There simply is no such movement because the lack of acceptance doesn't cause as much (visible) harm. Young girls, even girls at a healthy weight, are starving themselves and endangering their health and even lives right now. That is how bad the pressure is for young girls to be thin and that is why there is a fat acceptance movement …
/r/PurplePillDebate27/04/19 02:40 PM
1

Personally, I think social situations such as bars, clubs, concerts, hobbies etc. are good places to approach women, as long as you are respectful and leave as soon as you notice that she is not interested. This means, don't react all pissy when you find out she is not interested. Don't say "well why would you go to a bar and wear make-up if you're not looking for a guy?". Believe her when she tells you she has a boyfriend/girlfriend. Don't pretend that you were approaching her "just to be frien…
/r/PurplePillDebate26/04/19 02:43 PM
1

Women are not a hivemind. Just because your wife thinks like this doesn't mean that all other women don't mean their "no". It's really troubling that just because one woman has lied to you, you think that all women don't mean their "no". Even the female powerlifters probably meant their "no" (hence they also protested when you took their plates off), but what other option did they have? Should they have ripped the equipment out of your hands? Should they have gotten violent to make their point? …
/r/PurplePillDebate22/04/19 02:23 PM
1

First off, stoneage people likely didn't have the same concept of cohabitation that we do now. Not everyone had their own cave, it was more like community caves. Also, there was no rent or other financial commitment related to moving in together, so it's not like sleeping in the same bed in the communal cave was the same thing as moving in together and signing a lease. Also, your theory has the flaw that the woman could have gotten pregnant by having lots of sex when she feels like getting pregn…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/04/19 12:23 PM
2

It's not n count, but rather his general views towards sex and his previous habits. I wouldn't want to date someone who enjoys casual sex and/or has had lots of it, because it means that sex is somewhat important to him and he probably has a significantly higher sex-drive than me. Sex is very unimportant to me, and I have a low sex-drive. I therefore think that I would not be compatible with a guy who has a higher sex-drive and/or places great importance on sex. Also, I need to be able to trust …
/r/PurplePillDebate17/04/19 10:19 PM
1

There are many reasons why sex would make a friendship more complicated. For example, one person could catch feelings, and the other doesn't. Or, one person meets someone they want a relationship with and then the other person gets jealous because the sexual arrangement might end. Or, one person might enter a relationship and their partner might get jealous of the friend or might have reservations about the two of them hanging out alone with each other because they used to have sex. Or one of th…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/04/19 09:57 PM
2

The thing with trying something once is that the one time you tried might have just been a rare bad instance or the poor quality might have been related to your lack of experience, and you'll likely to think so if many people seem to enjoy the thing you seemingly hate. For many women, their first time having sex is not particularly enjoyable, but instead of concluding that sex is just not their thing and that they are asexual, they keep trying to make sex fun. It is only logical that a woman who…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/04/19 04:38 AM
3

It's mostly cultural. First off, many beauty standards are actually signs of wealth, not of fertility. In times where food was scarce in Europe and poor people had to work outside, only the rich could afford to be chubby and pale. Chubby and pale were the beauty standard back then. Nowadays, most Europeans work inside buildings, shitty food is cheap, and most people don't have a physically demanding job. Thus, being tan, thin, and fit is the beauty standard, because it shows that you have enough…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/04/19 12:23 AM
1

Are we reading the same responses to the same therad here? The responses that I saw in this thread were mostly "I am a woman and I am fine with splitting bills" and "but men won't do it because they're thirsty". The reason why the OP got attacked for pseudo-political power-play is not that he told men "don't want to get financially exploited? don't try to impress women with money!", it's the way he expresses it, implying that all women constantly get showered in money just for being women, and t…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/04/19 02:17 PM
1

Wearing high heels is socially expected in some situations. For example, I wore heels and a dress for my high school graduation, because wearing anything else would have felt like a rebellious act against the social norm that a young woman graduating high school has to wear heels and a dress. Only two of my 60 female classmates rebelled against this norm, and one of them only did so because she didn't have money to buy a dress. I had decided that this was not the hill I wanted to die on, so I wo…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/04/19 02:30 AM
1

Note: I am not from the US. I am from Germany. Prostitution is legal here, for both clients and sex workers. As far as I understand it, the main arguments for legal prostitution are very similar to arguments for legalising more harmless drugs like marijuana. In theory, it would be easier to help the people involved, and make the entire system safer. In the case of drugs, it would be easier for a drug addict to get help (e.g. rehab, or medical assistance for an overdose) if they didn't have to fe…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/04/19 02:02 AM
11

Has it ever occured to you that it may not be that excessive meaningless sex leads to low self-worth, but rather the other way around? Someone with low self-esteem feels like they can't have (high) standards or boundaries, and maybe also that they need to prove something to themselves or to others. A woman with high self-esteem will only have consensual sex when she truly wants to have sex with the other person. A woman with low self-esteem might have consensual sex even though she is not really…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/04/19 01:17 AM
1

I am female and I don't wear make-up. I used to wear it as a teenager, but as my skin got better after puberty, I stopped seeing a point in wearing it. I don't want to have to get up earlier to put on make-up, and I didn't like how I had to be extra careful not to smudge it all day.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/04/19 02:00 PM
1

If someone tells you not to eat from the poisonous berries in their garden, do you also assume that they're generally anti-berry or that they think that all berries are poisonous? The reasons why incels are rejected by society have to do with other problems such as mental health issues, poverty, and disabilities. If anything, toxic masculinity is part of the reason why incels refuse help.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/03/19 10:18 PM
4

Hunting is a difficult topic, because on the one hand, I'm a vegetarian and would prefer it if people ate less meat in general, but on the other hand, I'd also prefer it if people who can't be convinced to quit eating meat would at least eat meat that comes from animals that had decent lives, instead of mass-produced meat. I also see how hunting can be necessary as a means to control animal populations. So, I guess taking a kid who is old enough to understand how careful you need to be when hunt…
/r/PurplePillDebate31/03/19 02:30 PM
3

I do think that the name is what triggers at least part of the negative responses, even though it is a very fitting name. I don't think that society benefits from toxic masculinity. There might be aspects of non-toxic masculinity that society benefits from, but I don't see why we should make positive contributions to society gendered. It just seems like a super unnecessary restriction to me. Just let people do good within their capabilities without forcing gender roles down their throats. As far…
/r/PurplePillDebate31/03/19 03:14 AM
10

So, in telling them off she was actually not even "feminizing" them, as she was not telling them to quit a masculine behaviour, she was telling them to quit a behaviour expressed by little boys. All children need to be told off if they're doing something wrong. Just because male children might be a little more likely to harass small animals doesn't mean that they should be given all the leeway in the world. Harassing animals is wrong, and the mother was right in telling her children to stop. It …
/r/PurplePillDebate31/03/19 12:25 AM
7

Toxic masculinity is an expression used for the negative effects the male gender role has on society. Traditionally, being masculine or manly were seen as positive things, but having to follow such a role can be bad for a person or their surroundings. Anything harmful that happens because someone is trying to follow the masculine gender role is toxic masculinity. Those are the two questions you have to ask yourself: Is it harmful (to the guy himself, or his surroundings)? Is it motivated by the …
/r/PurplePillDebate31/03/19 12:12 AM
8

Wait, how is it masculine/manly to annoy a smaller creature that can't defend itself against you and is probably terrified? Wouldn't the manly thing be to stand up against the bullies who terrify a smaller/weaker creature, instead of participating?
/r/PurplePillDebate30/03/19 11:45 PM
2

Of course. I don't want kids, so if I was pregnant, it would mean that contraceptives must have failed, or even worse, that I was sexually assaulted. The last thing that I would want while trying to get an abortion is that my SO adds to this already nightmarish situation by mistrusting me.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/03/19 06:46 PM
2

It's not ability that makes the difference here. It's our actions that make the difference. Of course I can't say that I have never done any of the things from your list, just like I can't say that I am unable to do the things from your list. I have broken up with an ex, for example. However, most of the things from your list are not my "nature", and there are things that I haven't done. For exmaple, I have never cheated on a guy, and it's not like I constantly have to hold back some strong urge…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/03/19 03:43 PM
1

It really depends on how you define flirting. I'd say that banter between friends is not a problem, and neither is having a harmless, non-sexual conversation with a stranger. Leading someone on for personal gain would be a red flag. Also, I don't think that flirting is necessary for women, it's more that some men seem to interpret even the tiniest smile as a flirt or an "IOI". Being friendly is not flirting, but most people need to be friendly in order to get ahead, and some people misinterpret …
/r/PurplePillDebate23/03/19 05:44 AM
3

I think it is old-fashioned and also ridiculous. Holding a door open for someone when you walk through that door as well is okay and the polite thing to do (as opposed to letting the door slam in their face), but for a car door, it is just ridiculous to walk around the car to hold the door open for another person, only so that you have to walk around the car again to get to your own seat. I think at least part of the reason why your wife thought it was cute is that they were old people. I also t…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/03/19 05:00 PM
2

Looks are what opens the door in these specific situations you mentioned where women can't judge you on much else than your looks, because they don't know much else about you. However, there are plenty of situations where you can get into a conversation where the woman already knows something else about you (e.g. through friends or hobbies). In these situations, you looks won't matter as much. Also, some men here on reddit seem to think that if they have some physical flaw that they can't change…
/r/PurplePillDebate21/03/19 02:25 PM
1

My boyfriend basically acts like this, he barely leaves the house except for work. However, he doesn't do this out of frugality, but because he likes playing computer games and enjoys being inside. I would like it if he went out with me a bit more, but I can live with it. I can go out with friends instead. Also, there are many things that you can do for free or for very little money. Going for a walk is free. In my city, there is one day of the week where admission to museums is free. During sum…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/03/19 02:05 AM
1

The insecurity claim is not that people who don't want to do a certain thing are always refusing to do it out of insecurity. The claim is that some of the possible reasons behind the unwillingness to do something are related to an insecurity. For example, there are men who don't want to be pegged, not because they think it would not be enjoyable for them (which would be a valid reason not to try something), but because they're worried that they would enjoy it and that it would make them question…
/r/PurplePillDebate14/03/19 03:14 PM
2

To point out the fact that someone else is taking care of her problem for her. But you just said that this doesn't matter. So why even bring up a thing that apparently doesn't matter?
/r/PurplePillDebate12/03/19 12:11 AM
2

I mean, people who commit crimes get second chances at life, but only after facing the consequences of their actions. Having unprotected sex is not a crime, and forcing someone to go through a pregnancy that will likely leave them with negative physical, mental, and economical effects for life is way too big a punishment - especially considering that this girl is underage, so a pregancy would likely make her drop out of school as well. It sounds like he wanted to take responsibility, but the gir…
/r/PurplePillDebate11/03/19 02:45 PM
3

So why even bring up that she is paying a doctor to do it for her? Also, removing a fetus early on in the pregnancy is not the same as killing a baby.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/03/19 02:17 PM
1

First off, the girl in question is a minor whereas the guy is of age. So, it makes sense to place a larger burden of responsibility on him simply due to the age difference. Second, it has been my (and many other women's) experience that there are guys out there who try to pressure women into not using a condom, even when the woman is not on any other form of birth control - while some women acknowledge that condoms are annoying, most women prefer using some form of birth control when they don't …
/r/PurplePillDebate10/03/19 10:59 PM
8

If someone is being paid to get rid of a "problem" you have, that you've created, you are not being responsible for it. They are. That's all that abortion is: placing responsibility onto the doctor to remove or eliminate your problem for you. . So, do you think it would be more responsible for this underage girl to risk her health by trying to remove the fetus on her own, e.g. with a clothing hanger?
/r/PurplePillDebate10/03/19 10:48 PM
2

To me, a dirty or messy place doesn't feel like construction noise, it feels like a public place like a park or a train or an airport. I constantly have to watch my step in order not to step on anything, I can't trust any surface or plate to be clean (even if it looks somewhat clean), and I certainly wouldn't want to put my face on anything. Just like I can bear being on a train or even sleeping at the airport for a night, I can tolerate being in a dirty/messy place for some time, especially whe…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/19 07:35 PM
1

So, as soon as you're annoying the other person with your questions and reminders, it's nagging ("constant" is in the eye of the beholder). A guy who wants to play video games is going to be annoyed by his wife asking him why he has not done the dishes, and since the question is not posed expecting an actual answer, but with the goal to urge the guy to do the dishes, it is nagging.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/19 03:04 AM
2

Have you actually seen a significant percentage of women sleep with men on the first date when they didn't want to date them, but make the men they wanted to date wait? Because the pattern I've seen is more that there are women who engage in casual sex and have sex with all partners early on, and women who don't engage in casual sex and make everyone wait. Personally, I'm more of a waiting type, because I could not physically and mentally relax around a guy I barely know. So, I can't compare wha…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/19 02:54 AM
1

So, what is nagging then?
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/19 01:54 AM
1

None of this solves the problem of "nagging" (= reminding someone to do a chore they have agreed to do). So, you divide by "whose plate was this?" instead of "whose turn is it to do dishes?". Fine. Let's say the wife finds some dirty plates in the kitchen. These aren't her plates, but they look suspiciously similar to the plates her husband used last night to eat pizza with his friends while watching a football game. So, she reminds him to clean the plates. We have arrived at the same problem as…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/19 07:38 AM
1

Okay, maybe they divided it so that she does the cooking and he does the dishes. The kitchen is full with dirty dishes, so there is no room for her to cook. She now either has to do the dishes (even though it is his job), or she has to ask him to do the dishes (and will then be accused of "nagging"). Also, there are plenty of reasons why a 50/50 division makes sense, for example because people will make less of a mess if they know how much work it is to clean it up (e.g. if your wife always does…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/03/19 09:59 PM
1

Because she has done it the last five times, and the guy has agreed to do half of the housework, which he obviously doesn't do (otherwise she would not have had to do it the last five times).
/r/PurplePillDebate07/03/19 08:11 PM
2

My impression is that most women put way more effort and product into their hair, even compared to long-haired guys. My bf has hair that is just as long as mine, but I don't think he has ever used any conditioner. Now, I am lazy about using conditioner as well, but at least I own a bottle of the stuff and I put it in my hair when it starts feeling dry. I know that many other women have several products that they use on their hair (oils, intense treatments, leave-in conditioners etc.). I've learn…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/03/19 08:08 PM
15

My theory is that RP men see the effects that pregnancy and childrearing has on women and mistake this as the natural signs of aging in women. When I look at women in their 30s or 40s and their "unattractive" features, it's almost always related to having had kids (e.g. floppy belly with stretch marks, loose skin with stretch marks, saggy boobs, being tired and putting less effort into looks because you don't have the time to do your make-up with two screaming toddlers next to you, short hair be…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/03/19 03:53 PM
3

The biggest reason to me seems to be that when men discuss how to approach women, there often seems to be the idea that you can "make" a woman like you. Many men seem to think that if they only push the right buttons hard enough, a woman will like them. This is inherently predatory, because it completely ignores women's agency, and is manipulative AF. Advice geared towards women on the other hand is usually something like "just go there and ask him, and if he rejects you that's his loss for reje…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/03/19 02:48 PM
1

I never said women should remain virgins that is false Let me quote your OP: She mentioned that she would prefer them both to not get any sexual partners until they are married. Which is totally I can see where she's coming from. In this day and age though, I couldn't help but say I disagree. I told her I wouldn't want my son specifically to grow up sexless until marriage So, you can see where she's coming from (as in, you agree that it would be a good idea for them to remain virgins) and then, …
/r/PurplePillDebate04/03/19 02:24 PM
1

The OP said that men need more experience than women. I'm saying that women need experience just as much as men do. The OP also referred to a discussion he had had with someone else about people having sex before marriage, and he basically argued that it would be advantageous for men to have sex before marriage, whereas women should remain virgins. I am challenging this view as requested by the OP. I am well aware that most people have sex before marriage, which is why I pointed out how choosing…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/03/19 01:20 AM
3

Women face the exact same problems when they marry a guy without having had sex. They also won't know whether or not they're sexually compatible, and most men will want to have sex before marriage, so not having sex before marriage would lower her chances for getting married as well. There are about as many men as there are women, so in order for any woman to be pursued by multiple men, there would either have to be multiple women who don't get pursued by any man, or there would have to be men w…
/r/PurplePillDebate02/03/19 02:28 PM
1

The situation you described has happened to me a few times. It has happened far more often that I wanted to talk to someone about a problem and this person suggested a very obvious solution without even hearing me out, and this solution was something that I had already thought of and ruled out.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/03/19 11:09 PM
1

All you have to do to realize that is look at the way men and women respond when a friend comes to them with a problem. A mans first reaction is usually to try and find a solution. A woman's first reaction is to provide emotional support and validation. The man's reaction in this scenario is not logical or rational. Even if the friend wanted a solution for their problem, they would probably already have thought about solutions themselves, and tried several potential solutions before asking anyon…
/r/PurplePillDebate01/03/19 01:45 PM
1

AFAIK the tradition of giving your fiancée a ring (or just something expensive in general) comes from a time when women were not allowed to work to provide for themselves, so they needed security in case their fiancé would leave them or die before the wedding. People started sleeping with each other as soon as they were engaged, and so the ring was kind of "child support in advance" or "alimony in advance". It needed to be somewhat expensive because only then the woman would have been able to se…
/r/PurplePillDebate26/02/19 11:38 AM
1

Wherer did I say I wanted someone hot? How do you know what I want?
/r/PurplePillDebate26/02/19 11:17 AM
1

My point is, the minimum level of hotness required for dating is one that can be achieved by most people without putting any work into it at all. The problem with systematized dating advice is that it takes the traits that are (supposedly) desired by a somewhat large group of people and tries to force everyone else into this box, ignoring that there are plenty of people who don't find these traits attractive, and that you could be focussing on meeting these people, instead of trying to be someon…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/02/19 02:35 PM
1

he still needs to look hot and act in an attractive way This is exactly what I mean. Most people don't date hot people (if there even is an objective standard of what is hot). Most people have different opinions on what "acting in an attractive way" means. Do you really think a super quiet and introverted woman wants to date the same extroverted party guy that an extroverted party girl wants to date? How is this not misandrist It is. opponents of TRP basically reject the entire concept of system…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/02/19 12:22 PM
0

You seem to think that when I say "Women want a man who doesn't spend all his time on self-improvement", that it implies "...but he still has to look and act like someone who does" which is simply not true. Just look around you. There are plenty of women who date men who don't look like they spend time "self-improving". My dad has probably never been inside a gym in his entire life, and he has been married to my mum for over 30 years. As for the misogyny: The key concepts of TRP are inherently s…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/02/19 11:28 AM
0

I explained that I want someone who has the time to hang out with me, the energy to actually do stuff when we hang out, and a small amount of spare money to spend while hanging out. If that is "the whole package" for you, then your bar for "the whole package" is extremely low.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/02/19 10:06 AM
1

And many women are.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/02/19 11:13 PM
9

You people always seem to forget that your "self-improvement" takes a lot of time, money, and energy. Most people want to be with someone who has some spare resources to spend on their SO. Most men also wouldn't want a gf or wife who comes home completely exhausted after working all day and going to the gym afterwards, or a wife who won't have sex with them because she has to finish the chapter in her self-improvement book. A great-looking partner isn't worth anything if they're never around. An…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/02/19 01:00 PM
2

These women were considered too young to buy a can of beer in their home countries when they left for ISIS. I don't think this is a woman thing, it's an age thing. I'm pretty sure that if a boy who joined ISIS at 15 wanted to return when he's 20, people would take into account that he was super young. I'm not comfortable with blaming child soldiers for the decisions they made at 15 (or even 18 or 19), at least not entirely. Sure, these women should not be allowed to roam their home country freel…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/02/19 12:10 PM
1

Giving some excuse that likely won't be challenged is much easier than rejecting someone without a reason or even with your actual reason. If you say "no" without an explanation, people will ask for an explanation. Then, if you give your actual reason, they will try to challenge it or find some workaround. "I have a boyfriend" is a commonly accepted excuse that likely won't be challenged. As for being a badass: It doesn't actually work that well. It's just that these stories are so surprising an…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/02/19 03:34 PM
1

Neither my bf nor my ex is called Chris. Why?
/r/PurplePillDebate19/02/19 08:13 PM
4

I didn't, but my ex says I left him for my bf, and he has also claimed that I had cheated (which I hadn't). What had happened was that I had been generally unhappy with the relationship (despite various attempts at improving my situation from my part), and we were incompatible in many ways (which had contributed to my unhappiness). I had been hanging out with my bf a lot (as friends) while I was still dating my ex. A few weeks after I had broken up with my ex, we started dating. My ex proceeded …
/r/PurplePillDebate18/02/19 10:42 PM
1

Clingy just means that you want to see a person more often than they and others (e.g. friends who are annoyed that they can't meet with either of you alone) are comfortable with. I live with my bf, and so we see each other almost every day. However we usually only text about logistics such as "when are you coming home?" or "can you go buy milk?". When he doesn't respond, I usually assume that he is busy, hasn't heard/checked his phone, or something similar. The same thing is true for me. I don't…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/02/19 08:16 PM
1

Me personally? I refuse to let men pay for my food. I hold doors open for people, regardless of gender. I don't like it when men are overprotective and I don't reward this kind of behaviour. I have fixed my own bicycle multiple times, as well as minor stuff around the house. I don't even let other people touch my computer, but I have fixed my ex's computer multiple times. The OP also talks about women complaining about man-children. This is not a complaint about lack of leadership, it is a compl…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/02/19 04:56 PM
1

Most claim to want equality and equity in an overt sense, but on the covert or unconscious level they still crave being led by a capable, confident, decisive male. By saying stuff like this, you make it very evident that you aren't actually interested in a discussion. I already know that a guy who thinks like this will probably dismiss anything I have to say, because I am a woman, and he thinks that he knows better what is going on in my head. By saying that I don't want to be lead by any man, I…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/02/19 08:04 AM
1

For me, code-switching takes a lot of conscious effort, and I'd rather be someone who has to code-switch in rare, short-time situations where it is helpful to be agreeable (e.g. when talking to a police officer), than be someone who constantly has to make a conscious effort to say what she wants. I doubt that small children already know how to code-switch, so if this girl is anything like me, she will have a hard time later in life, because she has learned how to be agreeable instead of how to b…
/r/PurplePillDebate16/02/19 08:04 AM
6

At least for me, being "agreeable" did not come naturally when I was a kid. My parents and teachers had to actively teach me how to be agreeable, and I remember the times when I had to remind myself to "weaken" what I said, by asking a question instead of making a statement, by saying "I think", by using words like "maybe" or "perhaps" etc. I never thought of it as manipulation, because it was always taught to me that it was polite to act this way, and rude to just say what you want. After sever…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/02/19 06:55 PM
2

I would choose someone who is actually faithful over someone who pretends to be. Some people are going to talk behind your back no matter what, and I don't want to be friends with those people. I trust my friends that they would talk to me about any suspicions they have about my bf so that I could clear them out. I also trust my friends that they would not think any less of me even if they had suspicions that my bf might be cheating.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/02/19 08:51 AM
5

It depends on why the guy has no LTR experience. If he was a late bloomer who only started dating at 24, or someone who has had bad luck (like you did in the past year) it would be not as big of a red flag compared to some guy who has had multiple relationships that all ended in a big bang (e.g. huge fight, cheating, extreme jealousy). It would also make me wary if a person had had one LTR after another that all ended after roughly the same amount of time for similar reasons. In fact, I'd probab…
/r/PurplePillDebate14/02/19 01:59 AM
2

Nowadays, you can still experience stuff that you missed out on as a kid later in life (be it due to being born at a different time, or because your parents were strict and didn't let you have a gameboy). For example, I can still watch TV series that my bf watched as a kid, or I can still play a pokemon game. Also, it's not like we bond about which games we used to play as children. BTW, there are some series that he watched as a kid that I already found obnoxious when I was a kid. We don't need…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/02/19 02:36 AM
1

If this person is explaining stuff the other person already knows, the other person will likely point out that they already know this. Then, the first person can adjust. Men are accused of mansplaining when they continue explaining this stuff to a woman, even though she has made it clear that she already knows. Another situation where men are accused of mansplaining is when it is very clear from the context that this woman already knows what he is about to explain (and he would assume that any m…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/02/19 01:23 AM
1

Where did I say that men accuse other men of mansplaining?
/r/PurplePillDebate13/02/19 12:57 AM
8

Three of my mother's aunts never had children and were never married. They generally seemed very happy. As a child and a young teenager (unfortunately, they're all dead already) I never questioned their decision not to marry or have kids. To me, it was just normal that there were these three elderly ladies sharing a house. They also had a wide variety of interests (that they were able to pursue due to their well-paid jobs that had left them with good retirement plans) and took great care of them…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/02/19 12:55 AM
1

When I said excluding people to conversation I was referring to Or talking about things they know a lot about? assuming that this was a problem because the woman in question knows a lot less about the topic and therefore feels excluded from the conversation. It's not a problem when everyone knows a lot about the topic, and when men treat the women who know a lot about the topic the same way they treat a man who knows a lot about the topic. Still, this doesn't make women fear for their safety (wh…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/02/19 12:40 AM
1

I am saying that the way they treat their male friends is problematic, because many men are at least uncomfortable with the way they are treated. This makes my point "if women are scared of you when you treat them like you treat your male friends, there is something wrong with the way you treat your male friends". I am saying, these people shouldn't treat anyone this way, as it is not a male-vs-female problem, but rather a problem with their behaviour in general. For an average normal person who…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/02/19 09:47 PM
1

Because men assume that certain stuff just is a joke. For women, some "jokes" hit too close to home.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/02/19 09:37 PM
1

I know multiple guys who make super creepy and sometimes rapey jokes towards everyone, it's not like they're extreme outliers. All of them are pretty large people, but it also happens in a nerdy environment where weirdness or social incompetence is tolerated a bit more than in the rest of the world. These people do have male friends, but there are also men who are scared of them or find them at least a bit creepy. My point is, they are treating female friends (or women they wish to befriend) in …
/r/PurplePillDebate11/02/19 07:12 PM
1

It's not the video games, it's the verbal abuse and the threats. My experience has been that as a woman, I am constantly wary of potential dangers due to fear of sexual assault. I know some women who have been assaulted, and I also know women who were lucky enough to be rescued by friends when someone had put something in their drink. So, rape is not a funny thing to jokingly get threatened with, it is a very real fear. That's why rape threats and rapey jokes hit too close to home. I know that n…
/r/PurplePillDebate11/02/19 06:33 PM
2

I don't mind playful insults, and I don't mind being hugged, and I don't mind jokingly flirting with my friends. These are not the things I was referring to. I know some guys who make very rapey comments around their male friends, as well as women they consider "cool enough" (i.e. women who won't immediately show how terrified or offended they are). I have recently been alone in a room with five guys, and one guy decided it would be funny to joke about how they're all going to impregnate me, and…
/r/PurplePillDebate11/02/19 06:06 PM
1

I wasn't making it about you. I am not a native speaker, so it might have been ambiguous. What I meant was (since you had pointed out that women have safety concerns) that there are some men out there who treat other men in ways that are objectively scary, and that they don't think women have a right to be scared when they are treated in a similar way. I also have male friends who treat me like they treat other men, and I don't find them scary. However, I have also met men who like to make super…
/r/PurplePillDebate11/02/19 05:55 PM
1

Oh, I am very aware that this guy is not taking women's concerns seriously. This is not my point, though. My point is, there are certain things that some men do to their male friends where it is justified that a woman gets scared due to this behaviour, because it is objectively scary. For example, some men are extremely verbally abusive to each other when playing video games, and there are sometimes even threats of violence and rape involved. I hope that I don't have to explain to anyone why rap…
/r/PurplePillDebate11/02/19 11:12 AM
3

If women fear for their safety when you treat them like your male friends, there is something wrong with the way you treat your male friends.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/02/19 09:08 AM
1

"I am unsatisfied with my life as it is right now, I don't know what is causing this problem, and I think it might be this relationship. I can't figure out what is wrong while I am still affected by this relationship every day, so I need to break up or at least put the relationship on hold until I can definitely say that it is not the relationship that is making me miserable."
/r/PurplePillDebate11/02/19 04:42 AM
1

The "glass staircase" is very acknowledged. Many people are aware that there are programmes for women, diversity initiatives etc. Just look at the amount of time men spend complaining about these programmes. However, the glass ceiling is not a result of this glass staircase. It just cannot be, because qualified women would still benefit from the glass staircase, and then, at some point where the glass staircase stops, they would wait for their equally qualified male peers to catch up, and then t…
/r/PurplePillDebate11/02/19 04:35 AM
1

In order to meet a potential girlfriend, you're going to have to get into a social situation sooner or later. Joining clubs and student groups is a good idea, especially if you're someone who doesn't really like to go to parties. You can also try to put yourself in social situations by hanging out at typical student hangout spots instead of in your room. At my uni, there are two cafés where you can go to study, and each faculty has a room for their student representatives (where you can also han…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/02/19 12:40 AM
1

I think that such a rule is dumb and makes life unneccessarily complicated for everyone involved. In professional settings, it can even lead to discrimination (e.g. if a student can't be alone with their thesis supervisor, or if a an employee can't be alone with their boss). Even outside professional settings, I don't see any benefits to this rule. If your SO is going to cheat, they're not going to do it because they were "allowed" to have dinner with another person.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/02/19 03:57 AM
2

You have to consider that different people are going to have different situations in mind when they're answering these questions, and they have different experiences regarding these behaviours. My experience with people asking other people for drinks is usually that someone I know at least a bit will say "Hey, I'm going to bar XY later with some friends, wanna come along?", which I find super harmless, and according to this poll this seems to be the general consensus in my country (Germany) as w…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/02/19 01:55 AM
1

My RBF seems to achieve this without much effort. Also, I mention that I am in a relationship when there are men around who don't already know.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/02/19 08:37 PM
3

So, my ex had pursued one of my friends before we had started dating. Many of my friends knew, and they had thought that he would start dating her instead of me. I still asked him out and we ended up dating for three years. I did have minor insecurities because he had pursued her so actively and had been rather passive towards me (like, he had agreed to dates and reciprocated physical contact, but rarely initiated anything on his own). However, this was only a thing during the first couple of we…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/02/19 01:47 AM
3

No. I met both my ex as well as my bf through friends. I've never gone on a date with someone who cold approached me.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/02/19 10:09 PM
1

The desire to look young and attractive is not an exlcusively feminine phenomenon. Did they do a study on men's usage of skincare? I bet that young men care more about skincare nowadays as well. I think that one reason of this is the internet. On the one hand, people compare themselves more to each other, they post no-make-up selfies, they see the "no-make-up" selfies of celebrities, and so they try their best to take care of their skin. Another thing is that there is a lot more information easi…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/02/19 10:06 PM
1

As I already wrote in my other comment reply to another user, if you can tell exactly when her mood changed, you can tie it to an event that happened at that time. Like, if you know that her mood changed at the same time as you made a certain comment, you can figure out that it was something about your comment that caused her mood to change. So, you can analyze your comment, and with the additional information you know about this woman (presumably this is someone you already know to a certain ex…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/02/19 09:39 PM
1

But if you know exactly what a woman is feeling and when, shouldn't it be super easy to figure out why she is feeling that way? I mean, I totally understand why it is hard to "read someone's mind" when you only notice somewhat strong displays of emotions, but if you can read and notice every tiny nuance and change in emotion, you should be able to figure out what's going on.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/02/19 09:32 PM
1

When you're able to read the emotions of other people, you can also see at which times the emotions changed, and therefore figure out which events caused a change of feelings. So, you're able to pin down the event that caused her to be angry/sad/whatever. From that information (and especially the wide range of additional information that you have from the interpersonal relationship between you two), it should be fairly easy to figure out why this event made her angry. For example, if you notice …
/r/PurplePillDebate05/02/19 08:32 PM
1

If you can, why do you feel that you have to read women's minds?
/r/PurplePillDebate05/02/19 08:18 PM
0

How are you able to read the physical signs of her being interested, but not physical signs that she is happy/sad/upset/angry/hungry/in pain?
/r/PurplePillDebate04/02/19 04:04 PM
9

I'll have a rational discussion or ask nicely the first couple of times. I'll get frustrated and annoyed if I constantly have to remind someone to do a certain thing, or when a habit is really bothering me.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/02/19 02:06 AM
2

Women actually have to improve their social skills way earlier in life as there is a huge pressure from people around us to be pleasant, socially competent, caring etc. We're expected to notice when someone is not feeling well, and we're expected to do something about it. We're expected to comfort people who are sad (even if they're not super close friends), and we're expected to have a friendly facial expression or otherwise we will constantly be asked what is wrong (there is a reason why resti…
/r/PurplePillDebate02/02/19 03:34 PM
1

I have three close male friends and several not so close male friends (like people I know through uni or hobbies, and we sometimes hang out, but we're not so close that we'd talk about serious/personal stuff). Of the three close male friends, all have girlfriends and all are aware that I have a boyfriend.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/02/19 02:31 PM
1

My experience is that there is a much bigger pressure on women to spend more money on "shopping". For example, it is expected that a woman buys a new dress for every big occasion. You can't just have that one nice dress and wear it to every wedding. The same thing goes for most fashion items. The companies want to sell more stuff, so they find creative ways to create artificial needs, for example by changing fashion all the time (what colours are in style, which cuts are considered fashionable e…
/r/PurplePillDebate02/02/19 12:42 AM
3

Those are online shopping statistics. Just think about who might shop for groceries and children's toys online. My guess is that it's people in their 20s. A SAHM in her 40s isn't going to order a gift for her child with the Amazon account that her 14 year old child created for her. A 70 year old grandmother will very likely go to the supermarket to buy groceries rather than ordering stuff online. BTW, last time I checked, a 50% difference was not "super close".
/r/PurplePillDebate02/02/19 12:23 AM
1

Women are taught not to be disrespectful towards people. Men are taught not to be disrespectful towards people. However, some men don't consider women people, so all men are additionally told not to be disrespectful towards women. Some women get the impression that they aren't as worthy of respect as men because of the way they are treated, so all women are told not to let men be disrespectful towards them. There is only a "double standard" because of the long tradition of not seeing women as pe…
/r/PurplePillDebate31/01/19 01:20 AM
1

The difference is informed consent. The woman in the first story has Alzheimer's. It is possible that she doesn't even know that her husband is her husband, and it is possible that she doesn't comprehend that he is dating another woman. The man in the other story is fully capable of understanding what is going on, and he made several decisions on the way that lead to his current situation.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/01/19 12:33 AM
1

I think this might depend on where you live. Here in Germany, it is very common to look at people and make eye contact, so much so that US Americans feel "stared at". So, I generally do make eye contact with men, because I am fairly confident that they won't see it as an invitation to speak to me. It seems like men from other cultures don't see it that way and sometimes they approach me or at least greet me (which is common in smaller villages, but unusual in the cities). However, I also have re…
/r/PurplePillDebate30/01/19 11:45 PM
1

No, but I don't see what that has to do with anything.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/01/19 11:33 PM
1

You aren't even listing, He wasn't misbehaving this is general education for men, you want sex, you are a evil person, case closed. I'm not saying that he was misbehaving, I'm saying that his parents probably took the possibility into account when teaching him. I was generally a well-behaved child who didn't bully other children in kindergarten, but the kindergarten teachers still told all of us that it is wrong to bully people, and they even gave examples of reasons that a bully might have (e.g…
/r/PurplePillDebate30/01/19 11:30 PM
2

The fact that you think that the women in your office are lazy doesn't make "most women" lazy. You probably only notice the ones who are chit-chatting, because the other ones are quietly working and don't draw your attention towards them. Also, I don't think that all men are perfect examples of productivity either. I know plenty of men who will let anything and everything distract them. They might not chit-chat as much (so you don't notice), but they will visit non-work related websites, play vi…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/01/19 11:36 PM
1

Oh, wait, why will it matter that he gets called a creep? He might feel ostracised at his work place because nobody likes him?
/r/PurplePillDebate29/01/19 01:01 PM
1

You're overestimating the power of women. It is very likely that at least some of his male colleagues will side with him, especially if they don't like the way she rejected him.The manosphere claims that there are people who think women can do no wrong, but there are actually men who think that everything women do is wrong. If she didn't reject him harshly enough, they will say that she was leading him on, and if she rejects him in a more agressive manner, they will say she overreacted. There wi…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/01/19 12:53 PM
1

Don't know about the US either, but here in Germany, I've definitely seen gender specific food ads, some openly stated that it's "for men", others implied it by making the protagonist of their ad some kind of male action hero. You know, the thing with vegans and vegetarians is that in real life, we aren't actually that annoying. When I go out for lunch with others, I don't preach to them. It's usually other (new) people who notice that I don't have a piece of meat on my plate, and then they star…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/01/19 12:46 PM
1

I'm not saying we should separate people, I'm saying there's a time and a place. I didn't make this "rule" that men have to approach, in fact, I think it would be better for everyone if women approached men as well, in the right social settings. Sure, it's the agressive approaches that are the biggest problem, but in a setting where all approaches are considered acceptable, there will be more agressive approaches as well. If a woman is made uncomfortable at a bar, she can leave this situation an…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/01/19 12:25 PM
2

Really? Is it so alien to you that someone who gets interrupted by others or someone who has to think of a way to politely reject others will be less productive than someone who can mind their own business?
/r/PurplePillDebate29/01/19 12:13 PM
1

Food ads are often marketed in a gender specific way, and meat products are usually marketed towards men. Also, caring about animals or the environment is considered "weak". So, there definitely is a certain level of association between eating meat and being a masculine manly-man. What is toxic is that most people already eat way too much meat (for their own health as well as for the environment). However, caring about your weight and your health is mostly considered "feminine". A man who decide…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/01/19 11:08 PM
1

Yes, of course, but you probably also wouldn't buy food items that obviously contain peanuts, even if there wasn't a warning label. Like, you wouldn't need a peanut warning label on peanut butter.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/01/19 09:42 PM
2

Workplace policies and codes of conduct are in place to create an atmosphere where everyone can feel comfortable and be productive. A man can go meet women somewhere else. He can still be comfortable at his job even if his private life sucks. A woman who is frequently approached by men at her job will be uncomfortable at her job which will make her less productive. Encouraging women to approach men would only shift this problem to the male side, because then the men would have to deal with unwan…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/01/19 09:40 PM
3

However it also involves them telling you all men are perverted pigs and that being sexual is not ok, not nice, not wanted. That men should wait for women to come to them because the contrary is an annoyance and never works. Warning labels are calibrated for the reckless, and the things we teach children are calibrated towards the children who misbehave. It is why we teach young children to stop at a red light, instead of teaching them to look around and cross if there is no car anywhere near us…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/01/19 03:13 PM
1

She explicitly stated that she didn't snap at him, she just asked him to hurry up because she had a headache. He is getting called manipulative because he made a huge deal about a relatively normal situation, and now she feels reluctant to express any sort of negative emotion or criticism. To me, that is an unhealthy dynamic, and he is the person who is making it unhealthy. It is normal and healthy to ask your SO to be a bit considerate of your well-being. For example, it would also be normal an…
/r/PurplePillDebate26/01/19 04:47 PM
2

This is absolutely not what I see in real life. I think that your observation is influenced by selection bias. The people who go to self-help or meditation groups are people who have noticed something in their lives they would like to improve on, they feel like they can't do it on their own, and they feel comfortable sharing their problems with strangers (at least to some extent). This combination is why you see women who struggle with relationships until their late 20s/early 30s. At this time, …
/r/PurplePillDebate24/01/19 10:07 AM
2

A lot of the controversy surrounding porn is not about jealous partners but more about how sex is depicted in porn and how the people working in the porn industry are treated. Also, in my personal experience, it seems to be exactly the other way around from what you are saying. When a woman complains about a man watching porn, she is told that porn is a normal and healthy part of male sexuality. People might even recommend that she should also start watching porn, or that they should watch porn …
/r/PurplePillDebate23/01/19 11:16 PM
3

But how do you know she actually wants to have sex? And why would you want to have sex with someone who plays these games?
/r/PurplePillDebate22/01/19 09:35 AM
1

Maybe it's a cultural thing, but where I live, many women don't expect men to pay for their food. I certainly don't. Many will still accept it if the man offers to pay, but I don't know any woman who wouldn't bring her wallet on a date. Toxic femininity would be bad decisions women make in an attempt to appear more feminine or not unfeminine. Whenever I hear of women not paying for their meal or expecting men to pay, the motivation is always that it's the man's job to pay, not that it would be u…
/r/PurplePillDebate20/01/19 12:01 PM
3

No, it's an example of a woman re-enforcing toxic masculinity - if she didn't offer to pay for her own meal.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/01/19 11:50 AM
2

No. I gave you a description. It's stupid/bad/harmful/damaging things men do in an attempt to appear manly. It's a pretty clear definition. You can simply ask "Is this a bad thing to do?" and "Is it motivated by masculinity?" and then you know whether it is toxic masculinity or just poor decision making skills, or maybe even a positive example of masculinity.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/01/19 11:26 AM
3

It's not about what "bloops" like or don't like. If a man doesn't have enough money for food at the end of the month because he felt obligated to pay for a woman's dinner (possibly even though she explicitly asked him not to), it is objectively bad. I can't believe that I have to argue that not having money for food is a bad thing.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/01/19 11:02 AM
2

Masculinity and the general ideas of what it means to be masculine become toxic when it is damaging to the man himself or the people around him. Basically, toxic masculinity is at play whenever a man does something stupid or damaging out of fear of being "unmanly". Feeling like you're less of a man if you don't pay for a woman's meal can definitely be toxic, for example if you don't have the money to pay for a woman's meal (so you'd spend money you should have spent on groceries or bills on a wo…
/r/PurplePillDebate20/01/19 09:29 AM
1

You need to be smart for maths or science, but you don't need to be at-the-upper-end-of-the-spectrum smart. Just look at the percentage of people who get a science degree and compare it to the number of people who are at the upper end of the spectrum. One of the reasons why women are underrepresented in the sciences is also that women who are smart enough for science usually also have other talents such as languages, whereas the guys who have a talent for maths or science often only have a talen…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/01/19 05:35 PM
1

The same as they are now. Jealousy, cheating, violent tendencies etc.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/01/19 06:54 AM
2

No, I don't realise this. The amount of muscle that I would define as "moderate" is the amount that most men in my life have without working out or when just doing one kind of exercise (e.g. climbing) as a hobby once or twice a week. My boyfriend never works out, but he still has more muscle than I do even though I do work out. This is the kind of experience that I have in general when doing any kind of exercise: as a woman, I have to put in way more effort for the same results. Also, the men in…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/01/19 06:50 AM
2

I'm not saying that all men with high sex drives necessarily have a high partner count. I'm saying that someone who is willing to put in the effort to find a new sexual partner when single and someone who is willing to stay in an otherwise shitty relationship so they can have sex probably has a high sex drive and prioritizes sex. A person with a low sex drive probably won't look for sex when single.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/01/19 06:40 AM
3

But why would a low sex drive woman care if her man was a slut (wouldn't it be a sign he is super attractive)?? High count of sexual partners is an indicator that you have a high sex drive and/or prioritize sex over other things. As someone with a lower sex drive, I don't want to date someone with a super high sex drive or someone who feels neglected or hurt if I turn him down. I want to be with someone who understands that I'm not in the mood for sex 24/7 and that this has nothing to do with hi…
/r/PurplePillDebate16/01/19 05:07 AM
1

I personally believe men and women can be just friends. Not everyone is going to fall in love with their friend (or want to have sex with them), and even if you start developing feelings for a friend and they're not mutual, you can still find a way to stay friends. Maybe things will be a little awkward for a while, but it is possible. I have male friends that I've been friends with for over five years, which is longer than my longest relationship. They didn't jump at me as soon as I had become s…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/01/19 02:39 AM
2

Of course it's anecdotal, and I agree that getting approached can vary due to geography and attractiveness. In fact, I do not live in the US, and my experience when I visited the US was that people seemed way more likely to just talk to strangers than they are here in Germany. However, I am not some ogre, and none of my female friends get approached five times a day either (I guess this is anecdotal too?). If the OP had said women get approached five times on a night out in the US, I might have …
/r/PurplePillDebate15/01/19 01:27 AM
20

"Female privilege" always comes with a downside. Of course, I am seen as more trustworthy, less threatening, worthy of protection and I could theoretically benefit from this. For example, I could work in a kindergarten without having parents worry about their children's safety due to my gender. However, I do not want to work in a kindergarten. The downside to being seen as more trustworthy is that people expect me to do the stuff they trust me with, because "there is no one else around" (=there …
/r/PurplePillDebate15/01/19 01:15 AM
4

Your numbers are unrealistic. The last time I got approached was half a year ago. If I was looking for a new partner, I would have to become active and go against "being myself" by going out more often and by meeting new people (which would include approaching new people). However, this is not what the "be yourself" advice is referring to. It's not about "if you're shy and introverted, just never leave the house and a partner will magically appear next to you". It's about what you're like once y…
/r/PurplePillDebate14/01/19 03:27 AM
2

In my personal experience, some men who say this are unable to recognize subtle,"enhancing the natural beauty" make-up as such. When they think of make-up, they think of colourful eyeshadow that produces a very obvious unnatural look, not stuff like foundation or concealer that is used to hide "flaws" like blemishes or dark rings under the eyes. So, what they actually mean when they say "I prefer girls with no make-up" is that they prefer women who don't wear unnatural-looking, obvious make-up. …
/r/PurplePillDebate11/01/19 04:03 AM
1

Making other people uncomfortable should be avoided whenever possible, and saying that it can't be avoided completely will encourage people who don't want to make an effort to avoid it at all.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/01/19 07:28 PM
1

No need to get insulting. Of course, every social interaction has some risk of being called a creep or making other people uncomfortable in some way, but it is everyone's job to make an effort so that this doesn't happen. There are several other examples I have made on how to reduce creepiness, and there are many more ways (e.g. good hygiene in general, don't share overly personal details, don't ask overly personal questions, listen to people when they tell you that they're not interested, refle…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/01/19 06:14 PM
1

Aha, I see your problem. It is in fact possible to show sexual interest in someone without even being in the same room, for example through texts, phone, skype etc. Many people do this as part of their long distance relationship, or when trying to get to know someone on the internet (e.g. dating apps). However, I think you are talking about in-person conversations. In this case, there is usually a socially acceptable distance which depends on your culture (in some countries, people get closer to…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/01/19 05:55 PM
2

Of course, having to reject a guy is uncomfortable. However, every other form of discomfort can be avoided. You don't need to stand too close to people. You can absolutely make an effort not to stand very close to people. You also don't need to exhale your smelly breath in other people's faces. You can practice good dental hygiene and keep a distance on bad days. You don't need to make a woman reject you five times. It is perfectly acceptable to back off after the first time she said no. When yo…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/01/19 03:40 PM
1

The advice that you should talk to her like she's human is obviously geared towards men who don't treat women like they're human. Yes, social interactions are difficult, and sometimes you will accidentally be creepy. However, saying that being creepy is inevitable makes it sound like it can't be avoided which is simply not true. It is possible to make an effort not to make other people uncomfortable by your actions. It is possible to make an effort so that you make people less uncomfortable, and…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/01/19 01:33 PM
1

I find both traditions very old-fashioned and they come from a time where women were treated like property/subordinates. I would not want my SO to ask my father for permission. I'd prefer it if he didn't ask anyone but me, but if he felt like he had to ask someone else, I would want him to ask both my parents for their blessing, not their permission. I also want to keep my surname. I've already published a scientific paper under this name, and hopefully, I will have published some more papers by…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/01/19 04:19 PM
16

No, it should not be taken as consent. "She might just be shy" is a shitty excuse to cross boundaries. If a shy person wasn't into what you're doing, they probably wouldn't say no, because they would be too scared. Better safe than sorry.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/12/18 10:43 AM
3

I think what is confusing to many people is that consent is more of an internal state, and the things you described (verbal consent, non-verbal consent, enthusiastic consent) are just expressions of this internal state. Internally, we have a set of things we are in the mood for, and these things can change depending on many factors. When having sex, it is each person's job to figure out what the other person is in the mood for, and also whether they have stopped being in the mood for this thing,…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/12/18 12:48 AM
4

I do understand how horoscopes work, and I have taken MBTI tests in the past. There are twelve zodiac signs and they are determined by when you were born. For example, I am a Capricorn because I was born in January. I would not describe my personality as "I am a Capricorn", because I don't believe that zodiac signs work that way. However, I have met people who describe their personality through their zodiac sign. They will for example say "Oh, I am such a capricorn, I always need to plan stuff o…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/12/18 07:59 PM
8

The problem with these tests is that anyone with half a brain can figure out how their responses are going to affect the result, and so people will answer in a way that best describes how they see themselves (which may or may not be close to who they actually are), and of course, they will then get a result that supports this image they have of themselves. A similar thing happens with horoscopes/zodiac signs. If you look at the descriptions of zodiac signs, and you believe in it, you can find yo…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/12/18 06:24 PM
3

If my bf said he didn't want to get married, I would want to know his reasons. I think there are many good reasons to be opposed to marriage, for example if you don't believe in lifetime monogamy and the preferential treatment thereof, or you don't like the religious parts of it. However, I think with the current legal situation in my country, it is better to get married if you plan on staying together forever anyway. If my bf didn't want to get married because he has a general dislike for getti…
/r/PurplePillDebate21/12/18 03:18 PM
1

It depends on the person. There are already women who do not want to have kids despire the social pressure that is put on them. There are also men who are not competitive, even though people expect it of them. I think if we removed the social pressure to conform to gender roles, there would be even more women who do not want children (or who don't make children a priority), and even more men who do not feel the need to compete. However, there would still be nurturing women (and men), just like t…
/r/PurplePillDebate20/12/18 06:55 PM
4

4) She has been told all her life that this is what men want/what makes a woman attractive to men. She maybe has even been slut-shamed for being "too easy" (by peers, or even by the men she was dating), so now she creates artificial distance in order to avoid this in the future. 5) She has had bad experiences with men who just used her for his personal gain (sex, money, place to stay, emotional support), so now she doesn't give it all up for just anyone. 6) She is really not that interested in t…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/12/18 12:12 PM
3

I don't know how tall you are, but I'm 5'7 (170cm). That is taller than the average woman, but how does this have any positive effect for me if the world is built for the average sized man? For example, even though I'm taller than average for a woman, I can barely reach the rail to hold onto on the tram. My arm needs to go straight up, which is not a comfortable position. I often can't reach stuff, e.g. the top kitchen cabinet, top shelves in stores etc. Maybe the woman behind you in line was no…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/12/18 08:28 AM
2

I think this also depends on the country you live in. Here in Germany, university degrees are not considered a must-have, as there are many ways to get qualifications for a job outside uni (e.g. apprenticeships). Of course, some people with a university degree would not consider dating someone without one (and vice versa), but I don't think people feel as strongly about higher education as they do in the US. The most important thing for me when it comes to dating someone with different career ch…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/12/18 11:13 AM
1

27/36 - though I'm not a native speaker, so it might also have to do with that.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/12/18 07:21 PM
1

A big part of the problem is how he gave her the spreadsheet: he sent it to her knowing very well that it would probably upset her at the beginning of a work trip. He also has not answered her calls. This is manipulative, and it is not how you have a constructive discussion about getting your sex life back on track. I don't know how the story ended, but I guess he hoped that after ten days of being angry and upset about the spreadsheet, his wife would not refuse his advances any more. Another th…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/11/18 01:04 PM
1

No one deserves an explanation, but people usually deserve to know that they don't need to waste their time on someone any more. I don't think it's ghosting to say "I don't want to talk to you any more" and then stop talking. However, I also think that sometimes ghosting happens without intention. For example, someone might have forgotten to send a last message or postponed it a lot, and now they're at a point where the other person has probably figured out that they're not interested any more.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/11/18 12:15 PM
1

I meant your own costs for a date, such as the costs for your own ticket to the cinema, or the costs for your own meal when going out to dinner (as opposed to spending money on her ticket or her meal).
/r/PurplePillDebate26/11/18 02:19 PM
1

That's not manipulation. She wanted to meet you, and then her dad told her to run some errands, so she had to cancel. Do your parents never ask you to help around the house?
/r/PurplePillDebate25/11/18 10:00 PM
2

I think there are three separate aspects of "spending money on a person" in your post. First, there's shared expenses. I'd say, as long as you split your expenses evenly, those don't count as "spending money on someone". You would have to pay bills anyway, and it is likely cheaper to share rather than not share. Of course, two people need a bigger place to live than one person and probably also use more water, but there are also some constant costs. For example, I would have gotten the same inte…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/11/18 01:51 PM
3

Of course not. Why would I want that? If it was someone I didn't like, I wouldn't want them to try and spend time with me, and if it was someone I liked, I wouldn't want them to have to deal with unreciprocated feelings.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/11/18 09:24 AM
1

The thing with being vulnerable is that you make the other person feel responsible for you. It comes with an expectation of some kind of help (even if this "help" is just listening to you talk about your problems). The difference between being needy and vulnerable is that when you're just vulnerable, you don't ask for more than the other person is willing to give, whereas when you're needy, you ask for way more than what the other person wants you to give. For example, let's say you're in the mi…
/r/PurplePillDebate16/11/18 07:14 AM
1

Porn is available for free on the internet, and porn consumption can be hidden relatively easily from a spouse. However, a sex bot costs money (even if you were to "rent" one at a sex bot brothel), and you'd need space to store it. It would be a lot more difficult to go behind your partner's back and buy a sex bot than watching porn without your parnter's knowledge or consent. So, I find it unlikely that many married men would have sex with a sex bot unless their wives consented, and a man who m…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/11/18 06:31 AM
2

It's annoying. When I'm on public transport or anywhere else in public during the day, I am there for a reason other than looking to speak with strange men. Even when the guy is attractive and polite, I'm sort of weirded out by the fact that he just randomly approached me. I mean, I'd never give my contact information to a stranger on the train, and if I'm on the train, it is also very likely that I already have plans for the rest of the day (so I'm not free for a spontaneous date). The entire s…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/11/18 05:53 AM
1

on Q4BP: When I think of a person looking to date someone insecure, I think of someone who wants their SO to be attached to them through their insecurities. They want to be the main source of confidence for their SO, and so they dislike it when their SO has friends, hobbies, or a career that can provide confidence just as well. They don't want their partner to come home feeling good about themselves because their boss gave them a positive review, their friends complimented their new hairstyle, a…
/r/PurplePillDebate14/11/18 04:59 AM
2

So you think the only interesting quality I ever had about me was that I was socially awkward as a teen?
/r/PurplePillDebate04/11/18 02:35 PM
5

Oh come on, not all men are so desperate that they find all female attention pleasant, and especially boys who get followed around on the schoolyard by the awkward nerdy girl probably don't really enjoy this. For all I know, their friends teased them about it as well.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/11/18 02:34 PM
6

I just can't see how it's sad when someone manages to grow out of a phase where they were unhappy. Care to explain?
/r/PurplePillDebate04/11/18 01:20 AM
16

Huh? You seem to have completely misunderstood my point. I hated how awkward I was and I hated that I annoyed people with my weirdness. All the time, I just wished that I'd be more like my friends who were able to hold a normal conversation with guys they were interested in. I never saw being an awkward, desperate, and annoying teenager as a piece of my soul, but rather as a parasite to get rid of or a phase to grow out of. I got rid of it by accepting that I can be a full person without having …
/r/PurplePillDebate03/11/18 05:47 PM
27

What you don't know is that these people probably also spent some time of their lives chasing after potential romantic partners, and that most people didn't just stumble from one relationship to the next since they had developed their first crush as a teenager. Everyone I know, even the people who seemed to stumble into relationships at some point in their lives, has had a phase where they actively chased their potential romantic partners. I had a phase like that too, and I was a massive creep a…
/r/PurplePillDebate03/11/18 03:48 PM
2

I'd usually say someone is desperate or needy if they make someone else responsible for their own happiness. Like, they can't be happy unless a (specific or generic) person of the gender(s) they're attracted to is around. They express this by writing many messages and taking every opportunity to talk to this person. They become pushy, for example about pictures or meetings. They cancel all their plans for the other person, even if this person did not ask them to do that or even if the other pers…
/r/PurplePillDebate03/11/18 02:57 AM
5

I don't think anyone disagrees with the fact that sometimes people get rejected, and sometimes this rejection involves an offer of friendship. However, this friendship is not some kind of "zone" that you can't get out of. It's your decision whether or not you want to stay friends with someone else, and which activities this friendship involves. Also, when someone tells you they're not interested, you might as well listen to what they say, not try to read their minds by analyzing what they do.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/11/18 06:29 PM
0

First of all, to a young child, it is a pretty poor explanation. An adult might be able to comprehend that a young child does not know how to handle their emotions and might therefore react in a physical way, but to a child it's less of an explanation and more of a defense. In my childhood, "was sich liebt, das neckt sich" was used by adults or other children to tease both children about fighting when the formerly passive party fought back. Also, it was used as an excuse not to do anything, beca…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/10/18 11:35 PM
3

Wow, I had never heard that second part before, but I still find the first part pretty awful, especially since it's usually told to girls way too young to get into a serious relationship when they complain about some boy who is bullying them. It's not offering a solution (she can't get into a relationship because they're both 8), and it's even defending the boy's bad behaviour, and it might be teaching girls that it is normal for a love interest to behave badly.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/10/18 01:58 PM
1

Seriously, I think we completely lost the topic we were talking about in the first place. The topic was not "how should crimes be handled?", but rather "is it harassment to call someone "baby"/"babe"?". Those are completely different things. You are talking about how crimes should be handled (by the police, the justice system etc.), I am talking about why certain issues get more attention than others (from protesters, the media etc.). While I absolutely agree that the justice system should have …
/r/PurplePillDebate03/10/18 03:39 PM
1

That's not what I meant. What I meant was that when a certain crime or other bad thing happens to women way more often than to men, it'll be considered a women's issue. It doesn't mean that it's any less bad when it happens to men or that men don't mind, it means that it is considered something that primarily affects women and so it will be women's movements that protest against it, and the protest will sometimes take a gendered form (e.g. with catcalling "men, don't catcall women" instead of "p…
/r/PurplePillDebate03/10/18 01:42 PM
1

Okay, so, what my boss and these customers and these store staffers did is objectively wrong, same as calling a woman "baby." Why am I not being advocated for? Yes, they did something wrong. You have to ask people to advocate for you. I'm not going to white knight for you. That would be very condescending of me. As for movements: People need to be aware of an issue before they can fight it. For example, people need to be aware that men are catcalled or that men are called "baby" by strangers. I'…
/r/PurplePillDebate03/10/18 10:36 AM
1

No, people should not call strangers "baby". I've already said this multiple times. Also, at least one person has to speak up about an issue. Just because you or I think that people shouldn't call strangers pet names doesn't mean that it is justice or injustice. There have to be at least some victims who are willing to say that it bothers them, and then we can talk about whether or not this is a thing we need to address as a society. Of course, your statement that it doesn't bother you personall…
/r/PurplePillDebate03/10/18 09:47 AM
1

These women care about justice when there is a victim. You refuse to be one. As your boss, she should know better than calling her subordinates "baby". It's unprofessional. Even if id doesn't bother you, she shouldn't do it, at least not at work.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/10/18 07:35 AM
1

The reason why there are movements for women is that women have started those movements, because at least some women recognized a problem that was bothering them as well as others and decided to do something about it. If you said that it bothers you when your boss calls you baby, I'd be understanding and sympathetic, and I'd support your cause to make her stop. I'm sure that many other women would do the same. However, you claim that it doesn't bother you, so who am I to tell your boss that she …
/r/PurplePillDebate02/10/18 09:13 PM
1

I just want to make it clear that I do believe you when you say that you have been called "baby" by your boss. However, you have pointed out multiple times in this thread that you are absolutely okay with this, and I think that this is the major reason why women or feminists or people in general don't care. As long as you don't consider it a problem, why should anyone else? Also, people constantly question the experiences of women, especially when it's not something that they have experienced th…
/r/PurplePillDebate02/10/18 06:32 PM
1

How do you know that women who protest against catcalling know that there is an epidemic of women calling men "baby"? Can you read their minds? How do you even know that this is a common thing outside your workplace? I already pointed out how I have never seen a woman call a strange man or a colleague a pet name, but I have witnessed several instances of men calling women pet names.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/10/18 04:49 PM
1

The people protesting this are probably not the same people who call men "baby", and they probably don't even hang out around women who call men "baby". Women are not a monolith or a hivemind.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/10/18 04:32 PM
1

Wait, didn't you just claim that it was not being protested, and now it is suddenly widely recognized as catcalling and thus being protested?
/r/PurplePillDebate02/10/18 10:30 AM
1

It doesn't have to mean that there is a double standard. It just means that it is not as big of an issue as catcalling. I'd also wager that the instances where women have felt unsafe or uncomfortable while being addressed with a pet name were usually situations where there was already something else going on that made them feel unsafe or uncomfortable, for example catcalling or workplace sexual harassment. The pet name was just a symptom, and going on a crusade against calling strangers pet name…
/r/PurplePillDebate01/10/18 09:51 PM
1

I don't know why you hear it from so many women. It's not a normal thing where I live. The only time I can remember a woman calling me a pet name was my ex's mum who only started it after I had been dating her son for years. Other times I've heard women use pet names, it was either for their romantic partners, very small children, or actual pets. I've never witnessed a woman addressing a colleague or stranger with any kind of pet name, but I have had strange men address me and other women with p…
/r/PurplePillDebate01/10/18 09:31 PM
1

Yes, and it's similar with all kinds of pet names. They're okay when you have an agreement that it's an okay thing to say. They're not okay when they can be misunderstood or when there is no agreement. "Baby" can be used as an insult just like "cute", for example when making fun of someone for complaining or crying. I've met people who think that "cute" is generally a bad thing or something they don't want to be. I personally hate being called "baby" or "babe". I don't like babies and I find it …
/r/PurplePillDebate01/10/18 08:51 PM
1

Okay, what about "you're cute when you're angry"?
/r/PurplePillDebate01/10/18 08:17 PM
3

Maybe it's a cultural thing, but where I'm from, calling someone a term of endearment when you're not as close as this term of endearment would imply is often considered disrespectful. I can definitely think of instances where terms of endearment have been used to insult people and belittle them or their experiences. I mean, have you never heard anyone referring to someone else's problems as "cute"? "Cute" is also a term of endearment, but with context, it can also be used to belittle someone, j…
/r/PurplePillDebate30/09/18 07:50 PM
3

I think it's not like addressing someone with "hey" instead of "hello", but rather like addressing someone with "hey asshole" instead of their first name. While it might be completely okay to address a close friend who knows exactly how you mean it with "hey asshole", a complete stranger or a colleague might not be that delighted to be called an asshole. So, to be on the safe side, you should refrain from calling strangers or colleagues "asshole" or "baby".
/r/PurplePillDebate30/09/18 10:12 AM
5

It doesn't work for proper criminals either. Anxiety and depression are mental illnesses that won't be fixed by a "good woman". The type of bad boys who get "fixer upper" girlfriends are maybe rude, drink a bit too much, and smoke. Edit: clicked "save" too early
/r/PurplePillDebate26/09/18 12:36 PM
5

I don't think a socially adjusted person would follow RP advice. They don't have much to gain, but a lot to lose. However, I think that reading about RP and similar movements gets in your head after a while. Even though you don't necessarily start believing what they think, you might start to think in their language. He might find himself thinking about people as numbers on an attractiveness scale, even though he thinks it is disgusting to reduce people to their looks like that, and even though …
/r/PurplePillDebate26/09/18 04:11 AM
1

I think a better phrasing would be "gets shit done" instead of "gets what he wants". Someone who gets shit done is someone who (1) sees what needs to be done, (2) comes up with a plan for doing it, and (3) implements his plan. Pinning people against walls is not a tactic usually found in anyone's plan. As an example, imagine someone wants to spend more quality time with their partner. A "get shit done" type of person would check with their partner to ask when they are free, and then plan a coupl…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/09/18 03:21 AM
2

I hate it when someone "defends" me, but I like it when people back me up. There's a difference. Defending someone would be when you basically take over the argument, say the things you think I was "trying to say", make up your own arguments, explain my arguments, or tell the other person to stop interrupting me. Backup would be when you confirm my statements, agree with my arguments, or confirm that the other person has interrupted me when they inevitably deny it. I don't like being in the midd…
/r/PurplePillDebate21/09/18 03:50 AM
1

I think it depends a lot on different factors such as age as well as how old they were when they had sex for the first time or how long their relationships lasted. For example, I would say that n=5 is a "normal" count for a person in their mid 20s, assuming they started dating in their teens. However, for someone who had sex for the first time three months ago or broke up with their first partner recently, it's "a lot". I guess 20+ would be "a lot" to me, regardless of age.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/09/18 12:24 AM
1

I think it might be exactly the fact that women can change their weight. You never hear about boys risking their health or even their life in an attempt to become taller, but eating disorders are a thing that exists and they often affect girls. Basically, telling girls to be thin is associated with eating disorders and unrealistic body proportions.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/09/18 07:45 PM
1

I don't want kids, but I am strongly against forcing other people to have some medical procedure done, even when it's for their own good. If I had to care for a child, I'd give them proper sex education and tell them about the risk of pregnancy/childbirth as well as STIs, and offer to take them to a doctor to get them on some reliable form of birth control of their choice. If they chose they wanted to have this surgery, I'd let them do it. I'd also buy them some condoms and tell them to use thos…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/09/18 06:48 PM
2

I think it is still a good idea to have a conversation about labelling the relationship. Apart from exlusivity (and what that means for you personally) this also makes it easier to think about further steps in the relationship, for example whether or not you want to introduce your partner to family members or friends.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/08/18 10:16 PM
2

Thank you for your concern. It's only on the first and sometimes on the second day of my period, and it is manageable with OTC painkillers when I take magnesium tablets before my period starts. It only gets bad when I forget the magnesium and have run out of painkillers, like I did last week which is sort of what prompted me to remind this guy that period daemon behaviour might just be normal behaviour of a person experiencing pain.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/08/18 11:21 PM
6

I don't turn into a complete irrational bitch when on my period, and I don't know any women who do. However, I have a shorter fuse when I am in pain, like any person does, regardless of gender. So, all the emotions or complaints I have on my period are (apart from complaints about painful cramps and tense breasts) the same that I would have had off my period, it's just that I have more patience when I don't have to supress the urge to crouch down into a fetal position and hold my cramping belly.…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/08/18 08:04 PM
2

You can't be a feminist and at the same time be against women's right to vote. Why is this even a question?
/r/PurplePillDebate23/08/18 01:25 AM
3

It depends. As long as this is simply a preference of who she likes to hang out with, it is compatible with feminism. Everyone is allowed to choose their own friends, and if she wants an all-female group to gracefully giggle with while eating salad, that's her choice. If she wants a relationship with a protective man who feels entitled to her body, that's her choice as well. However, a true feminist would not expect every woman on the planet to be thin and graceful, or every man to be protective…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/08/18 11:47 PM
1

They're not the same thing. Kindness is an expression of love, sex is an expression of lust. If you love your partner, you're able to come up with something nice to say about them, at least sometimes, and if you really can't say it because the words get stuck in your throat, you might be able to express it in other ways. Also, it doesn't hurt anyone to say something nice every once in a while. It physically hurts to have sex when you're not aroused. My advice to any friend regardless of gender w…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/08/18 12:23 AM
3

My standards aren't unrealistically high, so yes, I expect my SO to live up to them, and I think this is healthy and fair. There are correct and incorrect ways to do household chores, and it is entirely possible to be "adult enough to do the baseline shit that every adult should do", but still do it wrong. For example, my ex did the "baseline shit" of doing laundry, but somehow managed to put some light coloured t-shirts of mine in the washing machine with a new pair of red jeans. He also did th…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/08/18 08:09 PM
2

No, I find painful sex to be an unpleasant and, well, painful experience. I'd want the level 1 guy. Luckily, my bf shows exactly this kind of reaction when I get a cramp, and he would never pull my hair or anything like that. I also don't find actual submission arousing, because I don't like doing things I don't want to do (to me, it's not submission if someone tells me to do something that I would have been open to doing anyway), and I don't fantasize of situations where someone dominates me an…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/08/18 01:36 PM
1

I think most important part is whether or not you're able to evaluate the quality of your sources of advice with respect to the goals you have, and with respect to whether or not you're at the right starting point. It's a skill that most people learn at some point during their teenage years, but somehow, some people don't seem to apply this skill to dating advice. I mean, if you look up an exercise plan that promises you abs in thirty days or something like that, and you find that you can't do t…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/08/18 10:59 AM
2

Just to be clear, I don't mean full on making out with someone, and I don't even mean a situation where I would initiate a kiss. What I meant was a situation where we're sitting somewhere, having a nice, fun conversation. We laugh a lot, maybe there's some friendly touching (arms, hands). He misreads this as flirting, and goes in for a kiss. Being caught in such a fun situation, my first instinct is to go along with whatever happens, which would give the guy a few extra seconds to try and kiss m…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/08/18 06:43 AM
10

I could explain to you that my conscious mind would never cheat, but I think this is not what you're talking about. So, here's my take on "heat of the moment" type decision making: I don't know about other people, but for me, moments tend to be rather short periods of time, like a couple of seconds to a minute. So, if I was "caught in the moment", it would only last for such a short period of time, and in this short period of time, nothing significant could happen. I mean, I have definitely made…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/08/18 09:59 AM
15

I recommend that you stop treating women in a way you wouldn't want your sister be treated, at least as long as you are around her. As for the explanation, you could explain to her how you dated (past tense) these women for casual sex, and how that since you wouldn't want a woman you love (e.g. her, your mother, female friends) be treated this way, you realized that this behaviour is shitty and therefore you stopped. I think this is the only way how you can explain this without having her think …
/r/PurplePillDebate07/08/18 10:59 AM
1

I assume that in this scenario he was (slightly?) overweight and didn't dress conventionally well when we met, but I somehow still found him and his sense of style (or lack thereof) attractive, because otherwise I would not be dating him in the first place. Advances are only a threat if the guy wants to cheat or leave you anyway. So, since he has such an amazing personality and loves me so much (assuming he actually does and is not just saying it), I would not perceive the advances as a threat. …
/r/PurplePillDebate07/08/18 05:55 AM
2

Probably not. I am childfree, and I don't want to have to deal with children on a regular basis. I might make an exception for someone whose youngest child is already in their mid to late teens, but that is highly unlikely for someone within the age range I currently date.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/08/18 02:57 AM
2

I wouldn't hire anyone at all, probably. An eleven year old can be left alone for one evening/night, and I assume that this is the scenario here (who hires complete stranger as a babysitter when they go away for several days?). But if I had to pick someone, I'd rely on reviews from other parents with kids at similar ages and pick someone that other people have had exclusively positive experiences with. Blue pill.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/08/18 02:39 AM
1

Most of them were read to me or I read them myself, the only film I remember was the little mermaid which was just titled after the fairytale ("Die kleine Meerjungfrau"). It was a rather old film from the 70s or 80s.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/08/18 12:22 PM
1

Normal kids face rejection all the time growing up, and usually, by the time they're in secondary school, they have learned to deal with it without throwing some kind of temper tantrum. I mean, did your parents always give you everything you wanted? Were you never excluded from a group of friends? Did you never get a bad grade despite having worked hard on a project? Most of the people I associate with are adults who have learned that rejection and judgement are normal parts of life. Therefore, …
/r/PurplePillDebate04/08/18 10:14 AM
12

As a kid growing up in Germany, I never understood why so many people liked farytales and how they were considered a "girly" thing. Many of the fairytales I had read or was read as a child were pretty bloody or otherwise brutal, and the little mermaid I remember felt like she was walking on razorblades all the time. In the film adaptation I had seen, she was leaving behind bloody footprints. Cinderella's sisters cut off parts of their feet so they would fit in the shoe. Rapunzel's prince had fal…
/r/PurplePillDebate03/08/18 08:47 PM
2

Some people definitely have this idea. I personally think it's projection. When someone never goes to a party or club for anything besides flirting or hookups, of course they think that parties and clubs are exclusively used for "slutting around". Doesn't mean you can't go, though. You're 19, and if you don't go now, you'll regret not having made this experience later on, especially if you break up one day.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/08/18 07:06 PM
7

I've got a different theory. People like to have stuff in common with their partner. That's why they date people who are similar to themselves, or similar to who they want to be. When you become a goth chick, you go to events with goth people, you dress like a goth, you get a goth group of friends, so of course the guys you end up dating will most likely be guys from that scene. How are you going to meet a frat guy who only goes to techno clubs and frat parties if all the events you go to are de…
/r/PurplePillDebate02/08/18 11:44 PM
2

Candice: I think cheating is a sign that the relationship has some serious issues (assuming this was consensual sex, not just a drunken kiss, and not some form of sexual assault where she now blames herself). I'd want to find out what kind of issues those are and then decide if the relationship is worth working through them. However, I find it unlikely that I'd decide against breaking up. Trudy: find ways to be physically intimate that don't necessarily involve sex. Accept that it might not be p…
/r/PurplePillDebate31/07/18 05:50 PM
0

There's a difference between "he would never hurt anyone" and "he would never hurt me" and "he might hurt me". A gangster/drug user/bad boy might be able to give off the impression of being one of the former types, whereas a neckbeard who frequently destroys his own property in violent fits of rage might give off the impression that he could also get violent towards his gf when angered. I don't think any woman walks into the lion's den with her eyes wide open, thinking that the dangerous guy she…
/r/PurplePillDebate20/07/18 08:07 AM
1

I'd ask him what that would mean for our relationship. Does he want to leave me for a man? Does he want to open the relationship so he can have sex with a man? Or is it simply an FYI? Is he informing me that he had sexual experiences with a man before we were dating? I obviously wouldn't mind if he is just letting me know without any intention of acting on it. I'd be disappointed in him if he hadn't told me about having had sex with a man before dating me, because we did have a conversation abou…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/07/18 05:17 AM
1

I think indecisiveness can have many reasons. One of them is certainly that some people want to be considerate, or want to dodge responsibility (what if you pick a place to eat, and then it turns out that it sucks? What if you pick something and your friends/partner go along with it to please you, but secretly hate it?). Another thing is maybe that this person has never learned how to make decisions, because decisions were always made for them. Or, they have been constantly criticised for their …
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/18 07:09 AM
1

I think the most important thing for writing strong female characters (or just characters in general) is giving them some flaws, so they become relatable. I think Star Trek has been good at this in the past, especially DS9. There was Kira, a former resistance fighter and deeply religious woman who had great difficulties in overcoming her hatred for the Cardassians as well as her own past and the past of her close friend Odo. Then, there was Jadzia Dax who had many talents due to her symbiont, bu…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/18 05:52 AM
3

Depends on the type of favour. I'd be pretty annoyed if it was a small thing that costs them less effort than me (for example opening a window right next to them when I'm at the other side of the room). That's just petty. If this situation happened over and over I'd start thinking that he's an idiot who wants to make a point of never doing anything he is asked for (by anyone, by women, or by me) If it was a bigger favour, I'd still only ask if it was easier for them than for me (as in, costs les…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/07/18 04:54 AM
5

Any man who is afraid that he'll be accused of rape or sexual assault for "flirting" is either committing sexual assault when he's "flirting", or he's not but he thinks that women make up false (or "overly sensitive") accusations on a regular basis. Both options are bad. It is also very clear that he is not being sensitive of how a woman might feel, he is afraid because now he might face negative consequences for making women uncomfortable. If he was being sensitive, the response to "why'd you g…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/07/18 04:07 PM
9

You know, there are plenty of reasons why a woman might give "indicators of interest" (non-verbal signs such as laughing at jokes, giggling, fluttering eyelashes, smiling etc. - is that what you mean?). She might like him, but she's too shy/embarassed to admit it. She might like him subconsciously but has decided against going out with him for rational reasons. She might just have a flirty/bubbly personality. She might be in a good mood and therefore smiling and laughing at everyone. She might b…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/18 11:55 PM
1

He's the kind of person who needs to be given a list of instructions for how to take care of himself when the responsible person in his life (a parent, SO, sibling, close friend) goes away for couple of days or weeks, because he is unable or unwilling to figure it out on his own. There is a significant portion of his responsibilities that is done by another person, for example managing his schedule, buying his clothes, doing his share of household chores. These responsibilities are usually not t…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/18 07:26 PM
18

I've seen many instances of women telling their partners that they should lose some weight (or at least stop gaining weight). It's just that most women wouldn't say "you fatass need to lose some weight ASAP, otherwise I won't have sex with you" but rather in a more polite fashion, for example "let's go for a walk together, some physical activity would be good for you" or "you're getting a bit of a tummy, let's cook healthy food". I think one reason for this is that most women know how terrible i…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/18 06:01 PM
8

You're confusing marriage material and back-up plan material. Marriage material is a person you start dating at some point and then decide to marry, because you like them and you want to spend the rest of your lives together. Back-up plan material is a person you marry because you can't find someone else on short notice, maybe even a person you kept around solely for that purpose while you were out looking for actual marriage material. It's the kind of person you wouldn't marry if it weren't for…
/r/PurplePillDebate30/06/18 09:15 AM
1

I have a dislike for any association between personality traits and gender. Usually, when personality traits get associated with gender, people will be discouraged from exhibiting a trait that is associated with the other gender, which is most damaging if said trait is a desirable one. Also, people who don't have the positive traits associated with their gender will feel even worse about not having them, and that is usually worse for men, because "girl" is still an insult to many men. Furthermor…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/06/18 02:15 PM
1

Really? I don't mind seeing my bf file his nails.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/18 01:51 PM
3

Other people have already mentioned clothes that fit, better haircuts, and skincare. I'd like to add that men could also take better care of their hands and nails: many, many women I know use a hand creme to keep their hands smooth and soft and healthy looking. In addition to that, use a file to file your nails into a nice looking shape instead of clipping them (many men I know just clip their nails, and they usually clip them way too short and leave sharp edges sticking out). You don't have to …
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/18 04:21 AM
3

Attraction sure is complicated and it can therefore be difficult to explain why you find a certain person attractive, or write down criteria for attractive people or unattractive people. However, it is sexist to claim that this is a phenomenon exclusive to women or exclusive to men. It is also condescending/arrogant to claim that one is the exception to the rule, or that one knows better what other people like than they do themselves (especially if there's no data present other than what they cl…
/r/PurplePillDebate20/06/18 07:28 AM
1

I hate driving too, so I don't want to move to a place where it is a necessity. I wouldn't mind dating someone who doesn't drive, and I think we would be able to find someone else to drive for us in these rare occasions where it's absolutely necessary (e.g. when moving). Unequal income might be a problem when figuring out how to divide costs and also when picking activities for dates etc. I'd prefer to date within my own income bracket, but differing incomes are not a deal-breaker on their own. …
/r/PurplePillDebate20/06/18 04:59 AM
1

First, these women who want a man to be persistent or make grand romantic gestures are probably not the same women who don't want any of those things. We're not a hivemind. Secondly, I think the author of this article is probably expressing frustration over what she has been told to do (or not to do) in the past, and how this has been unsuccessful. As a teenager I had also received the advice never to ask a guy out or make any step towards a relationship at all, as this would make me seem "easy"…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/06/18 05:09 AM
1

I'm worried about aging, but losing my "looks" is the least of my concerns. I'm much more worried about losing things such as eyesight, hearing, the ability to walk, mental abilities etc.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/06/18 04:49 AM
2

This is not women being coddled so hard. She had already struggled with her weight during her teens (which at that age is at least partly her parents' fault), and she is already on her way back down to a healthy weight. Keeping off the weight is harder if one used to be overweight. Sure, she has made the mistake of gaining weight, but it was during a both mentally and physically stressful period, and that is not an excuse for her husband to cheat. It is also not even half as bad as abuse (like y…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/06/18 05:12 PM
2

Everyone is entitled to be defended from harm/attacks, and it's everyone's duty to do something if they witness an attack (at least by calling the police). Everyone on that train should have been intervening, and some actually did, for example one Eastern European guy, and from what I read also another size eight woman and an elderly lady.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/06/18 10:59 AM
2

The typical response I get to a simple, polite, but firm "No" is "Why not?". So, in order to save time I might as well answer the second question right away. Also, by "blaming the unvierse" people don't become angry at me or try to challenge my "no" by negotiating with me. The trick is to give an explanation that they accept as unchangeable or something that is at least unchangeable to them.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/06/18 10:23 AM
2

I consider "being approached by strangers in public" a highly inefficient method of meeting new people, especially a life partner. I mean, do you look for friends in this way? Approach some random person roughly your age on the street and ask them they want to hang out? Probably not, because what are the chances that this person is going to have compatible interests or even get along with you at all. I think it is much more efficient to make friends or find a partner by by going out with someone…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/05/18 09:23 PM
2

I went over to his place, actually. We watched some CS GO tournament and cuddled.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/05/18 12:17 AM
1

I've only had two "dates" before I met my bf, the first one was when a boy in secondary school had asked me to go to the cinema with him, the second one was when I had asked my ex out. My bf and I had been friends before we started dating, so our dating phase was more like "hey, can I come over and hang out?".
/r/PurplePillDebate12/05/18 11:06 PM
2

Women "nag" more, because that's what we call it when a woman makes a request or reminds someone about something. When a man does the same, it's not called nagging, it's called a request or a reminder. My bf definitely reminds me to do all sorts of things around the house, and he has even taken to passive aggressive things like throwing my clean laundry on my desk when I don't empty the hamper after doing laundry. However, no one would call this nagging, because all these things sound reasonable…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/05/18 01:23 PM
6

Do you really think that childless women were allowed to just sit around at home all day? Unless people were rich, they didn't let that kind of workforce go unused. Women worked until they had kids, either by helping out in their family's business, or by having a normal job. Also, household tasks were more work back then. In addition to birth control being more available now, I think there's also the factor that children have become less desirable. Back when people had twelve children, these kid…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/05/18 08:18 AM
3

Most of the exams I have had in the past two years were oral exams.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/18 12:13 AM
1

I totally agree that men shouldn't be judged any more for showing weakness than women are. But, simply stating that there's another problem as well doesn't really solve the first one, does it? Anyway, we can only really change our own behaviour. Let's do it that way: I don't judge men for showing weakness or being scarwny, you don't judge women for what they wear. Deal?
/r/PurplePillDebate24/04/18 11:02 PM
1

I think it's common here in Germany for master's programmes, at least at my uni. Usually the more specialized classes are so small that professors don't want to bother with having a written exam (they'd have to plan that half a year in advance to get a classroom big enough to fit everyone with huge spaces in between, they'd have to set a date that would possibly inconvenience students, make up questions for a written exam, get people to grade it, set up a second exam for the people who failed or…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/04/18 10:46 PM
6

I study computer science, and at my uni, we've got quite a lot of oral exams during our master's. This means you meet with your professor and one of their assistants at their office and they ask you questions. After that, they tell you to wait outside while they discuss your grade, and then you get your grade (and often also an explanation for it). It is the least anonymous kind of grading I can imagine.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/04/18 10:06 PM
11

It shouldn't be that way, though. People should respect others regardless of what they're wearing, and people shouldn't assume that simply because my professor is a man, he'll give me a grade I didn't deserve if I wear a low-cut top, just like they shouldn't assume that I'm wearing a low-cut top to impress him (or anyone else, for that matter).
/r/PurplePillDebate24/04/18 09:18 PM
19

Never. I actually dress less sexy on days where I have to "gain" something. For example when I have an exam I avoid wearing low-cut tops, skirts, or short shorts, partly because I don't want people to think I'm using my sexuality, and partly because I don't want to have a wardrobe malfunction while sitting directly in front of my professor.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/04/18 06:40 PM
1

If you think that feminism is a sexual strategy because claiming to be for or against it can influence men's opinion of you, you must also think that any other form of having an opinion is a sexual strategy. Of course a man is going to be influenced by a woman's political opinion, and of course, some opinions might repel people who disagree with you (or make them try harder). But that doesn't make having opinions a sexual strategy. Newsflash: women have opinions even when there's no guy around t…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/04/18 03:14 PM
2

My ex had unreasonable standards when it came to weight. When we got to know each other, I weighed 56kg at 170cm (that is on the lower end of a healthy, "normal weight" BMI), and he told me that I was about as "big" as he would go, and he wouldn't go for women who were bigger than me. He also gave examples of what he would consider an ideal figure, which were all underweight women. An ex-friend of mine had unreasonably high standards when it came to planning get-togethers. He'd expect us to skip…
/r/PurplePillDebate21/04/18 10:18 AM
2

I can only think of one scenario where that could happen, and that is if someone had planned to meet with an escort and I happened to arrive where they were supposed to meet at around the same time. In that case however, the guy probably wouldn't ask "hey, are you an escort?" but rather something like "Hey, are you <name of the escort he has set up a meeting with>?", so I wouldn't know that he has mistaken me for an escort, and I wouldn't have the chance to get offended. In any other situation, …
/r/PurplePillDebate18/04/18 07:38 AM
14

Where I live, prostitutes use their clothing to advertise that they're prostitutes and "on duty". That means that their clothing is extremely revealing, flashy, with fishnets everywhere, and those high heel boots or shoes that can't possibly be worn if you have to walk any further than into a car or into a hotel room. During the summer, they wear little more than underwear and high heels. They dress trashy on purpose, because it's the equivalent of having a sign saying "prostitute". So, if someo…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/04/18 07:14 PM
2

I do think that birth control should be taxpayer-funded and available to everyone, and I think it could help prevent unwanted pregnancies, and I'm also for making abortions legal and available to everyone, and offering protection or shelter to people who lost their support network due to having had an abortion (i.e. teenagers who got kicked out by their religious parents). But, I'd be strongly against lawmaking that prevents people in certain situations from having children, because I think that…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/04/18 09:40 PM
1

It's not that I personally don't know how to cook or struggle particularly badly with finances. That's not my point. My point is that at least where I live, frozen fast food items from the supermarket are often much cheaper than fresh ingredients. I wasn't talking about fancy-ass fast food menus from a restaurant, but rather frozen pizza from Lidl or Aldi that costs 2-3€ for a pack of three pizzas, or a kg of lasagna for 3€. You can have one of those pizzas as a whole meal for one person, that i…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/04/18 11:21 PM
3

But it is very likely that you own at least some equipment for working out, or that you go to a gym that owns said equipment. Did that equipment or gym membership materialize out of thin air? Did your kitchen? Fresh ingredients for cooking? Sure, you can save some money by teaching yourself how to dress, exercise and cook, but at the same time, being wealthy gives you lots and lots of options that a less wealthy person may not have, and it basically makes everything (even learning how to do stuf…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/04/18 07:43 PM
1

If someone's ex warned you about them, wouldn't you take that advice with a grain of salt? I mean, it would be reasonable to assume that someone's ex has some sort of ulterior motive for "warning" their new partner, for example making their ex's life miserable by scaring away potential partners, or keeping them available for getting back together.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/04/18 09:48 PM
3

I hate it. It would make me feel as if my partner didn't trust me. The only time I think "mate guarding" is okay is when someone is clearly struggling to get rid of unwanted advances, and is either verbally or non-verbally signalling that they need help.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/03/18 04:31 PM
1

I think part of where the theory comes from is that if you have a girlfriend (and are faithful to her) women get more comfortable talking to you, because they think you're not hitting on them. Also, since you never tried anything, you might overestimate your theoretical chances with her, and even if you did try something with her, she'd probably reject you mentioning your girlfriend, which you then again interpret as "if only I was single, we'd be married by now". To answer your actual question:…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/03/18 08:44 AM
1

Not really, because a) shoes are typically not used a way that might benefit someone else whereas tools can be used to fix stuff in the house benefitting other people who live there b) in my experience, shopping for tools is not as much of a thing as shopping for shoes, c) women are often made fun of for owning many shoes whereas it is expected of everyone to own at least some tools, and people won't make fun of a guy for owning many tools (even if he uses each tool less often than the woman use…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/18 03:24 PM
1

I think part of why women with large shoe collections like shoes is that they like shopping for them. You'd take that part away by just giving them a pair of shoes. Also, in order to gift them a pair of shoes they like, you'd have to know her size and style really well. As for appliances: you'd only give a man power tools if it seems like he enjoys working with them as a part of his hobby, otherwise it'll either be seen as a gift you didn't really think about ("ugh, umm, he's a man, he MUST like…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/18 10:36 AM
2

I know at least three guys who are virgins (at least as far as I know) and over 25. However, only one of them is the kind of guy who might rant about "evil women" on the internet (I have seen and heard him rant about his dating struggles in real life), the other two seem like decent people who are just a bit shy and socially awkward. They haven't asked me for help, so I'm not going to offer them unsolicited advice.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/03/18 08:40 AM
1

So, we both agree that shared custody is a good thing. I agree that fathers should be given a chance to be involved in their kids' lives, and that cases where parents try to sabotage a healthy relationship between their kid and the other parent should have consequences. However, I think that it can be difficult to tell when a parent actually does this, except for really obvious cases where the parent actively badmouths their ex to their kid. For example, what about cases where parents have diffe…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/02/18 08:22 AM
1

No. I think part of the reason why men and women make different career choices is because most women still grow up with this idea that they will be SAHMs at some point, and most men grow up thinking they will be breadwinners. Feminism however is against these restrictive gender roles. Therefore, I always read "household work should be shared equally" as "under the circumstances that everything else is shared equally as well". On the other part with fathers being involved: It's not about how big …
/r/PurplePillDebate28/02/18 04:41 AM
1

I think when they talk about drinks the people conducting the study actually mean a strong cocktail or something else with a lot of alcohol. Otherwise the amount of drinks for "binge-drinking" would be higher. Given that their goal is to talk about how terrible alcohol is for college students, and how many people are affected by this, they probably set the limit that way, because they want many students to appear as binge-drinkers in their statistic. Also, they likely didn't ask "have you been b…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/02/18 07:04 PM
2

It depends on the reasons why this is the case. Did his last serious LTR just not work out? Does he have any major flaws that prevented him from getting into an LTR in the first place? Does he even want to be in a relationship/get married/have kids, and why/why not? Also, what do you mean by "current state of the dating world"? Do you find that it has become more socially acceptable to be single in the last decades?
/r/PurplePillDebate19/02/18 10:08 AM
4

To me, there are two basic factors why I wouldn't choose a spineless person as a partner or close friend. First, I'd be afraid to make them miserable with my actions. I need my partner/friend to be able to communicate his needs in a way I can understand them. I don't want to hurt my partner or my friends, and reading extremely subtle signs is exhausting to me. So, instead of doing stuff with someone who might not even enjoy being around me (I can't really know, because being spineless, they'd ne…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/02/18 11:52 PM
1

To me, it would be the same whether he asked me openly or whether he tried to do it secretly. The problem here is that he sees a reason to do it which means that he doesn't trust me. I don't actually want kids, but if I did, I assume I'd have them in a very serious kind of relationship, and I would never have them with someone who I think is cheating. I would expect my partner to do the same (and talk about that as well before actually trying for a kid). I don't think lying to your partner is ok…
/r/PurplePillDebate16/02/18 12:11 PM
1

I keep my hair long because I know how to handle it that way. My long hair is pretty "low maintenance" for long hair as I don't need to use hair care products such as conditioner for it to stay easy to handle. I just brush it and put it in whatever hairstyle I want (braid, bun, ponytail etc.), and I already know how to do that. With short hair, I'd have to learn new hairstyles, and for those, I might have to use bobby pins or gel/hairspray which I hate. I also cut my own hair, which I could not …
/r/PurplePillDebate02/02/18 12:29 AM
1

No. I'd probably mistake teasing or "negging" from someone I don't know well as being rude (I'm bad at reading people), and act accordingly, instead of interpreting it as being flirty or cocky. I'm done with having people be a high priority in my life when I'm a low priority in theirs, so if anyone gives off the impression of not being that interested in spending time with me, I lose interest (so, acting like you don't give a shit will probably ruin your chances). I get extremely pissed when peo…
/r/PurplePillDebate30/01/18 07:22 PM
1

Both are not my type, but the first one is slightly better-looking.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/01/18 01:46 PM
2

People who do not fit gender norms, like men who want to work in a social job, and women who want to go into STEM. These people suffer from being pushed into gender norms, are discriminated against, and have to defend their choices more often, which is often justified by the claim that gender roles are primarily biological. If people accepted that they're not, everyone could be raised and educated in a way that suits their interests and needs.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/01/18 02:01 PM
5

I wouldn't say that it is completely the same, since getting a vasectomy is a conscious choice whereas being sterile may not be, and your gf might not even know that she is sterile. However, the more important part here is to have a discussion about whether or not you actually want children, and if you do, how far you'd be willing to go to have them. Would you get fertility treatment? Would you get a sperm donour? Would you adopt? Being sterile is something that could be overcome, for example by…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/01/18 01:27 PM
1

I think it is not only that women are conditioned not to say no to anyone, but also that most people choose to ignore it when women say no, or see it as a challenge to "change their minds". Your friend should not have had to tell the guy "no" 20 times. The guy should have gotten the message the first time. This doesn't only apply to sexual encounters, but, at least in my experience, to any type of social situation: If you constantly get your boundaries challenged, you start to wonder whether thi…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/01/18 09:50 PM
2

First of all, a "firm no" doesn't help with the kind of guy you call "persistent". Also, any kind of no should be enough for a decent person to stop pursuing someone else. Then, there's a reason why people get upset over "nice guys" ending their "friendships" after having been rejected, and that is because they're someone who you thought liked you as a person (and, being a "nice guy", they might also often have reassured you about how much they were interested in you as a person), but then you f…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/01/18 11:07 AM
1

Yes, usually involving fictional characters and sometimes guys I know. They're not sexual fantasies however, more like fantasizing about going on a trip in the TARDIS with the Tenth Doctor and getting some of those cute Tenth Doctor hugs.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/01/18 04:40 AM
5

As a fellow European, my thoughts exactly. I don't know anyone who has spent much money on an engagement ring. Engagement rings just don't seem to be as big of a deal here, and I've also seen couples get matching engagement rings for both partners after getting engaged instead of having the guy propose with just one ring for her.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/01/18 08:21 PM
5

Blue. No, I don't fear him. I'm not afraid of conflict and I'd rather have people (including my bf) be mad at me than having to tiptoe around certain topics or activities all the time. However, it is rather hard to make my bf seriously angry, and we don't disagree on many relevant things, so I probably wouldn't have to act much differently anyway even if I was a more conflict-averse person.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/01/18 08:02 AM
1

There's no woman conspiracy to give men bad dating advice on purpose. Usually, it is advice that they think will make you feel better about yourself, like "Be yourself, you're fine the way you are" (even RPers agree that confidence is a good thing), or something that they think will work. You just have to keep in mind that people are individuals. What might work for her and her female friends might not work for you. What might work on her and her female friends might not work on the women you'd …
/r/PurplePillDebate05/01/18 01:05 AM
1

I see multiple problems with segregated schools: segregation can easily lead to more inequality due to different funding, different teachers, possibly at some point even different subjects in schools. Just because there are certain statistical tendencies for unequally distributed talents amongst people of different genders, girls shouldn't be denied proper maths and science classes and boys shouldn't be denied proper language classes. There are girls who are good at maths and boys who are good a…
/r/PurplePillDebate26/12/17 12:26 AM
1

When we have a disagreement we usually discuss it. I would say that we discuss it on a rational level (we do use logical arguments instead of crying or becoming less affectionate), but we do sometimes talk about emotions which can cause said emotions to surface. I come from a family where yelling at each other is the norm, so it is a bit hard for me to not even get the tiniest bit louder in a possibly tense situation, especially when he interrupts me (which he sometimes does without noticing). S…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/12/17 03:27 PM
2

Maybe respectful isn't the right word, but what I meant was that someone who just got out of a (long and serious) relationship has got quite a lot going on in their life. You don't need to trouble them further with hitting on them, especially if you're a friend. You're supposed to be there for them and help them get through a difficult situation, not try to exploit that situation for your own benefit. It is different when they have decided for themselves that they would like to start dating agai…
/r/PurplePillDebate16/12/17 05:23 PM
3

My closest guy friends did not come sniffing around when I became single. One of them was already in a relationship at the time, another one was single, but I guess I'm not his type. He has been pursuing other women in the past and present, so I know what it looks like when he's interested and that just wasn't the case with me. Even my bf (who had been only a friend at the time) didn't jump on the chance when I told him I was single. He waited respectfully until I made a move. The guys who did s…
/r/PurplePillDebate16/12/17 03:25 PM
1

I think there are many ways to show love and it is therefore difficult to quantify how much someone loves someone else. Also, I think that comparing how much you love each other is a sign of relationship problems.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/12/17 07:39 PM
1

My grandma definitely "wears the pants" in the relationship with my grandpa. She is also about 5 years older than him. They've been married for over 50 years.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/12/17 02:55 PM
1

Some of my friends babysat for other families at ages 14-17. That was one of the normal jobs for students, besides distributing newspapers and tutoring younger students. There were also babysitting courses where you could get a certificate of your qualification, so parents would feel more safe letting you watch their child.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/12/17 08:11 AM
3

Not every job can be done from home, not even every computer based job can be done from home. Also, it can be hard to stay focused on your work if you have to watch a child. Even though newborns may sleep a lot, your toddler may not. At some point, you'll have to watch your child and this will obviously distract you. Besides that, if you're a stay at home parent, you'll likely have to get up during the night to take care of your child so your partner can sleep because they have to work the next …
/r/PurplePillDebate05/12/17 07:58 AM
3

Not if he is doing it respectfully and accepts her rejection. I do however have a problem with guys who keep pursuing a woman even though she has already rejected them. Also, if you complain to me about how you can't get a date or how it's the women's fault for not going out with you (instead of your own fault for not pursuing women who are more compatible with you), I will point out that you should probably rethink your standards or work on whatever is making you not compatible with the women y…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/11/17 07:39 PM
1

It depends on the situation: For how long have they been a couple? Are they living together? Do they have kids or other long term commitments together? Has he made his gf aware of his dissatisfaction? Is the lack of sex permanent and not due to some temporary issue that can be resolved in a couple of months? Have they tried finding a solution? Is he willing to participate in a solution that would also require him to work on certain issues? Of course, he can still be an asshole while breaking up …
/r/PurplePillDebate22/11/17 10:37 PM
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