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esvle Archive

View 0 posts and 56 comments by esvle on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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9

Did you see that video of the jerk in Connecticut yelling at the teenage workers in a smoothie shop? Anyone who does that sort of behavior; letting their temper flare out of control. It may not be loud and violent. It might show up as more of a door-slamming or not speaking for a day. The key is, someone who allows their anger and viewpoint to just spew over everyone around them. It seems like a lack of control but, in many cases, they can immediately turn it off when faced with a person they re…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/01/22 03:35 PM
14

The podcast always has a lot of abrupt cut-offs. I think it's the editing. Maybe they talk over one another and then need to go back and edit out that part.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/01/22 03:17 PM
63

What’s striking to me is the rampant misogyny. It was the AA model that came up with “codependence” - essentially, a way to share the blame of alcoholic men with their wives. Suddenly things make so much more sense. The people who I know that talk about codependency, the timing of that term and how it's used against women. Wow.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/01/22 02:08 PM
32

I think forgiveness was created as part of religion and I'm not sure at which point it went from being something done by God to something done by humans. (I think it's just Judeo-Christian but not sure). It's not as if a human has the ability to wave their hand and absolve someone of their past actions. A person can acknowledge that something happened and try not to think about it or tolerate the perpetrator despite what happened. That's it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/01/22 02:05 PM
90

This is such an amazing post and insight. I can offer two things. 1. The "We can do hard things" podcast talked about apologies on a recent episode and had so many great perspectives. Amanda said something like, when you apologize to someone you're asking them to pretend that it didn't happen or to turn back time and make it un-happen. Their conversation was really interesting. 2.The one touch-point I had with AA was Al-Anon when I had an alcoholic boyfriend. Someone gave me a book written for w…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/01/22 01:54 PM
11

“I’m a very private person and only discuss personal things after I know that I can trust someone. What about you?”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/22 01:33 PM
85

Just start asking co-workers if they know of a place you could stay for a while. Even if he leaves the apartment, he will know where you live and you may end up with problems and you'll need to move anyway. You might as well do it now to reduce the risk of a physical attack.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/22 01:16 PM
7

That the dog ate a Christmas present under the tree that contained a pair of earrings. I literally looked through dog poop on Christmas. It wasn't until years later that I remembered this event and laughed so much because by then I had realized he just lied nonstop and I cannot believe I went through dog turds and of course he never bought any gift for that holiday or any other.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/22 02:07 PM
30

RE the access to porn prior to online: the age of VHS rentals. A coworker who's about 55 old me that when she was in her early 20s she managed one of those local video rental stores (not a chain). The store had a back room for the pornographic videos and of course the porn was mild by today's standards. Men of all sorts would come in to rent those videos. It was embarrassing for her and the teenaged workers to ring up the customers. She was astonished that people were not ashamed to rent these v…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/22 03:20 PM
1

It is also increasing womens brain damage over time I've often wondered if the higher rate of Alzheimer's among women is due to accumulated traumatic brain injuries. I imagine there are lots of women who endure domestic violence throughout their lives and their physicians are unaware.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/01/22 02:32 PM
74

Yes. Even people who are not full-on narcissists can have just a narcissistic trait such as using other people as "supply". They may also be following the example of someone in their life who behaved that way.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/21 04:24 AM
28

This is regional. In the northeast US men just pass the door back (hold it open behind them) like women do. I know elsewhere in the country a man would never, ever do that and always stand aside, holding the door while the woman walks through. Some northeastern men seem to realize that door holding is expected on dates.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/21 02:02 PM
28

The mindset is aligned with Gail Dines. Look up some of her work. I believe the long and short of it is that, by definition, pornography featuring women is intrinsically misogynistic because it commoditizes the female anatomy. Don't quote me on that because I'm just trying to recall what's been said. When they discuss it more specifically, it's normally pointed out that 1) women in the films are coerced in the sense that they need the income and 2) women in relationships with men who watch porn …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/21 08:16 PM
13

Just FYI, I think you can get a temporary restraining order against your ex with no interaction. You may see him if you go to court to request an extension of the protection order. Your local DV service can give you better information than I can, of course.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/21 06:20 PM
8

Yes. People forget there's a difference between someone with the narcissistic trait versus a full personality disorder.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/21 10:29 PM
1

Right. It used to be difficult to obtain porn; either the back section of the video rental store or buy at a gross store. Then pay-per-view. Once quick video download and streaming happened, the porn industry became very powerful.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/21 03:51 AM
130

FDS is new and in reaction to the sudden (within the past 20 years) increase in dangers in dating men who’ve been exposed to violent pornography; an increasing rate of misogynist, coercive behaviors by men and rampant dishonesty from men toward women in the context of dating. It’s about decreasing risk. FDS is not the same-old tired advice that was largely based on typically religion-based ethics and rules to control girls and women and push them toward “winning” a husband. (Edit: Not the pendul…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/11/21 09:10 PM
24

People: don’t downvote OP’s comment just because the bf’s behavior is irritating to you. OP: good luck, read the advice, consider how the emotional pain and the risks (e.g., if you marry, if you have kids) may impact your life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/11/21 12:58 PM
41

I think bring those comments back and dumping them on OP like a bag of shit is terrible behavior by the bf. Wow. “Listen to the horrible shit people are saying about you. Enjoy” WTF.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/11/21 12:47 PM
180

For those who haven't developed the self-protective skills of dodging bad people, you can learn it. Don't beat yourself up over past blunders. That ability to sidestep bad people is a collection of skills, right? Some people are taught self confidence and boundaries as children so, for them, it seems like a personality trait. Other people grow up with neither confidence nor boundaries. If they're lucky they develop them over time but it takes conscious effort.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/11/21 01:44 PM
2

Oh. I hadn't thought of that. You're right.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/11/21 01:35 PM
24

He saw me as a literal pushover Holy shit. On the plus side he has impulse control which a lot of people never achieve.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/11/21 03:34 PM
61

On the plus side, all this information getting posted for the world is opening people's eyes to what has been going on in private for years. Not only will teenagers and young women become more savvy but older people may be more likely to believe girls and women's stories.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/21 05:10 PM
67

Media companies and companies that sell pornography are financially linked. People making decisions (editors, publishers) know that. That's all there is to it. They're probably not even given explicit instructions about content but they just know what's expected.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/21 05:02 PM
25

I read somewhere that the reason TV was full of racist shows in the 1970s and even 1980s (things like Cowboy/Indians westerns), was because those movies and TV shows were produced in the 50's and 60's by old men. Old men who had grown up listening to their grandad's racist stories and idolizing those old, racist days. I think it's the same now. The people funding and directing these films and shows are the most successful patriarchs in the patriarchy and they're keen on propagating their beloved…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/11/21 01:40 PM
41

TV shows, even 'reality' TV shows, are scripted. This is to provide entertainment value and get people chatting about it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/11/21 01:31 PM
18

Oh that makes more sense.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/21 11:40 PM
72

It's off-putting to showcase a man dragging on young women like that. They behave that way because it's rewarded. Just one more way to group women and deride them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/21 11:33 PM
33

It’s a good place.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/21 04:18 PM
53

Even in my 30s I was naive to the awful behaviors and tactics of LVM. It never occurred to me that a seemingly normal man would lie about where they live, where they were born, what they do for work, criminal history and pretty much anything that may come up during the course of the day. Now I can spot those assholes a mile off.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/10/21 04:01 PM
34

This sounds like a film that is about the woman and not just using her victimization as a plot point. THat's good. Does anyone know if there is there a summary or data set showing which TV shows and movies use violence against women and how early and frequently it appears? Yesterday I tried to watch a show that's supposed to be good but within 30 minutes there was a crime victim's body (female) and then shortly after a reference to sexual assault (against a woman). That got me thinking about the…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/10/21 02:32 PM
71

Excellent post. It really helps to quantify this type of behavior. I feel like this covert abuse could move toward physical abuse such as when a man "accidentally" bumps into his girlfriend, like a high school bully in the hallway.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/21 01:25 PM
112

What they’re showing here is tied to the monetary policies put in place in the 1960s. It’s not caused by women getting jobs and so forth
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/10/21 11:29 PM
2

That's what I thought it must be because you seemed on top of your game. If it's a person who you're already friends with and who you've spent time with before, then you've already had a chance to assess whether they're dangerous.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/10/21 03:08 PM
59

That's the perfect example. It shows up a lot in good friendships.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/10/21 07:25 PM
363

I believe anything that takes up his time for your benefit would be a good definition. For example, if you mention that you need to pick up a book from the library before it closes but you’re at work and he offers to go get it. In other words, things that you would probably naturally do for a friend or boyfriend without even a second thought. I mention time because if someone has money or is just bad with money they will spend but it is meaningless whereas time is always valuable.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/10/21 02:39 PM
49

In the second video released the body cam shows her explaining that Brian grabbed her by the face, hard. It left a mark that the officer asks her about. She says he shook her and pushed her. That one-handed grab and shaking is very similar to the way a person would grab someone by the throat. It was a giant red flag that a police officer who is trained on DV should have acted on immediately. All the “ShE sCRatChED HiM!” people are nitwits.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/10/21 02:32 PM
190

I have read one too many posts written by men who are shocked to learn that women are attacked and catcalled by men on the street. Every man I’ve known in real life has been 100% aware of that issue and in fact normally following common cultural practices to deal with it such as men who walk with women making sure they are between her and the traffic. For decades I’ve seen quite elderly men shift sides while walking so it’s been common knowledge for at least 100 years. Likewise for men abusing w…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/10/21 04:22 PM
9

It depends on how many dates you've had already and if you're comfortable and whether this is a planned, fun date or more like you're tagging along while he goes bowling with his friends. If he acts as though you're already a couple, snapping pictures for his social media or expecting you to go apple picking and make him an apple pie then yah, that's a problem.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/10/21 01:00 AM
30

"Gunners" Very good!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/10/21 12:53 AM
121

I couldn't agree more. I have noticed that "horse girl" is meant as an insult yet everyone seems to love and admire horses. In cultures where it's a masculine hobby maybe the insult is meant to imply that they're tomboys? Girls and women who work with horses are good about setting boundaries, as you said, and they're physically strong. Where I live they tend to be no-nonsense types. I'm not sure that it carries over to romantic relationships but I wouldn't be surprised.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/10/21 12:50 AM
109

Immediately begins hinting about what gift he will get you for your birthday or other occasion; although he has no idea if you'll even agree to go on another date with him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/10/21 10:14 PM
38

Men as "emotionally repressed" only works when they also declare that anger is not an emotion. Men show a whole lot of anger so therefore it cannot be an emotion (eye roll). Men dump all their emotions on the women in their lives and then maybe button it up when they're in public. Except anger; they trot that out in public with no hesitation.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/10/21 03:11 PM
1

A lot of the FDS is based on protecting yourself from awful experiences that lots of women are unfortunately experiencing. You probably have not encountered the sort of man who uses a walk or coffee date as a tactic to, basically, ask for sex on the first date and/or check off the "first date" box as quickly and easily as possible in an effort to get to sex on the second or third date. Years ago, meeting for coffee or a walk as a first date was normal. More recently, men who use specific strateg…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/10/21 02:48 PM
19

It was such a revelation when I read that comment today under the other post! We were trained from a young age to believe that boys were mean to us because they liked us, and that we should feel flattered and grateful for it. WTF?!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/10/21 10:50 PM
18

Regarding those expectations for dinner and holidays with his family; I think some men are trying to fill a job vacancy for cook and housekeeper (in addition to everything else). If you are expected to bring food to a meal at his parent's home, does he prepare the food or are you supposed to cook? When your boyfriend hosts does he clean and get it ready for guests or expect you do do those tasks? There are some men that expect the woman in their life to do 100% of that work.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/10/21 05:18 PM
7

Oh! I had totally forgotten how they used to say that the reason boys were mean to girls was because the liked them. liked them liked them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/10/21 05:08 PM
46

That's an interesting perspective on the tie-in between working relationships and romantic relationships. While you advanced his interests you were supported but when there was a hint that you may become a liability you lost that support.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/10/21 04:33 PM
18

Same. I want to move far, far away. That said, he had a lot of friends around here who were also taken in my the act and I don’t judge them for it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/10/21 06:06 PM
332

Not to be pessimistic but you also have to ask yourself what would happen if you end up divorced and co-parenting. Is he vicious toward people who have “wronged” him in the past, like ex girlfriends or employers? Does he try to understand other people’s views and collaborate toward common goals? When a man is on your side his combative behaviors may seem benign so it’s smart to go through a mental exercise of how it would be if you had differing goals. For that matter, it can come up while you’r…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/10/21 03:50 PM
59

I've always thought that unwarranted optimism about the future was a big part of it. Optimism is good in some situations but not when you need to overlook the current reality and most likely future. It is like future-faking done to yourself. It crops up in long-term relationships but also in a single date that is just going in the wrong direction and one optimistically thinks "This is going to start being fun any minute now".
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/10/21 01:40 PM
34

Agree. Reddit is a misogynistic wasteland so it will never jibe with feminist goals. But FDS is reaching women who would otherwise be unaware of how the current dating culture is dangerous and just not functioning to the benefit of women.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/10/21 01:27 PM
3

I can understand how it would seem shocking if you were not previously aware. None of it is secret though; it’s usually right in the open. Occasionally something is hidden, like a corporation not disclosing that women’s salaries are lower, or it’s commonly known misogynistic policies or behaviors that are not yet addressed in any legal or financial system because previous generations of feminists were focused on basic rights. Edit to say we are moving in the right direction and awareness is the …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/21 04:33 PM
31

The change in behavior when in private I such a common trait and the severity goes from mild to deadly. I had an ex who would pay in the restaurant in cash and in the car say “you need to pay me back” (not just my half, the whole cost) because of a bunch of bullshit reasons. There were a thousand other examples of public/private behaviors that were always worse in private. Eventually it evolved into abuse but when the cops showed up he would immediately put on the public persona.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/21 02:11 PM
12

That's a really good point.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/21 02:27 PM
23

In that video Gabby was in the midst of a traumatic situation that was going on for days, at least. It was probably heightened by the interaction with the police and most people in that state will go with their default behaviors which in this case was crying and explaining. The police are just not trained to help a person shift into a different gear which would have allowed them to learn more about the situation.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/21 02:24 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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