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fairishvanilla Archive

View 0 posts and 51 comments by fairishvanilla on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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1

I will add there’s a very big difference between being naive in general and being naive... in bed!
/r/RedPillWomen22/01/20 10:33 PM
1

It depends on how important that particular passion is for you. If it’s something you enjoy being absorbed in all of the time, it’s difficult to have to suppress this side of yourself while spending time with your partner. People inevitably end up spending more time around their partner than their friends, don’t they? I’m still trying to figure this out myself. It’s made finding someone more difficult for me.
/r/RedPillWomen22/01/20 10:22 PM
1

Even if this relationship doesn’t work out, self-improvement would still help you in future relationships.
/r/RedPillWomen20/01/20 04:25 AM
1

Have you asked him what upsets him or why he seems to be upset with you? I have dealt with people in the past who use the words “I don’t know” as a way to avoid taking responsibility for their actions or to displace blame. Just try to make sure this isn’t something you’re unintentionally doing. If you’ve already made your mind up that he’ll believe everything you do is wrong, that becomes self defeating. When you say that you’re constantly working on your emotional sensitivity, what do you mean?…
/r/RedPillWomen20/01/20 04:12 AM
1

Have you tried something that’s more engaging? Like dancing? This can be especially helpful if you have dance partners (ballroom) or maybe are part of a dance group or class, because it starts to feel more like a social event than exercise.
/r/RedPillWomen05/01/20 08:07 PM
2

I’m not seeing how him cheating would negate the point that’s being made in Beyoncé’s lyrics. Did he leave his wife for a plate?
/r/RedPillWomen01/01/20 06:13 AM
1

I’ve thought about this as well, but I worry it could lower a woman’s mate value (I forget the abbreviation we use). It shows you can be easily swayed to leave or potentially cheat. I understand that a bit of competition can be motivating for men? I don’t know if overall it would be starting the relationship off on the wrong foot, so to say.
/r/RedPillWomen01/01/20 05:20 AM
2

This article nearly makes me want to cry. How can it be bad to be nurturing, caring, thoughtful, or concerned for your husband? And I know RPW says STFU but is it really that horrible to point out ways he can improve on things he does? I’d want him to do the same for me. Not exactly RPW I think, but isn’t one of the love languages acts of service? How does this tie into this article?
/r/RedPillWomen31/12/19 05:31 PM
2

That’s okay! I wasn’t suggesting trying to fix things with this guy so much as sharing the information to help in the future if you find yourself in a similar situation with a new guy!
/r/RedPillWomen30/12/19 06:01 PM
3

I think if you’re trying very hard to avoid coming across as needy, you could accidentally come across as cold or disinterested. Just make sure you don’t end up coming across that way and you’re still in the middle ground! I think showing small amounts of vulnerability can be a good thing. I know the type of guy you’re talking about and it’s very frustrating to deal with. There are some posts on here on how to encourage your man to take more initiative, and a book recommendation too, although I …
/r/RedPillWomen30/12/19 08:13 AM
1

I’m not sure if everything I’m going to include in my post is RPW advice, but it’s what makes sense to me. Sometimes people can come across as needy when they seem overly eager or like they would be willing to date anyone. Most people want to feel special to the person they’re dating, not just a number, if that makes sense. I agree with the person who posted that you might be putting all of your hopes on someone much too soon. How do you react when he leads? The comment he made about you not pur…
/r/RedPillWomen30/12/19 05:13 AM
2

I have no idea what the Catholic Church’s stance is on these things, that’s why I did not recommend them! I’m going off of the assumption that sexual acts that are not traditional intercourse are frowned upon. That’s pretty much the extent of what was discussed in my catechism classes! There are plenty of other things OP and her husband can do to increase intimacy, but I can’t make any recommendations I know would be for certain in line with their faith. This might be where asking practicing Cat…
/r/RedPillWomen29/12/19 03:11 PM
4

What I was trying to say was more that he would also be subjected to living with her choice if she were to make a major decision like this without his input. It would also end up affecting their marriage very likely for the worst. I definitely agree with you that the choices she makes with her body ultimately affect her and will always affect her more than they can affect her husband. But it’s important to point out that the only options she would be giving her husband are basically to put up wi…
/r/RedPillWomen29/12/19 12:34 PM
2

Abstaining from a procreative act (waiting until the right time to start a family is responsible and shows discipline) is very different from blocking procreation (engaging in sex for pleasure only which is seen as lustful and sinful)! I would hope the Catholic Church would frown upon a man pushing his wife into sex solely to fulfill his sexual urges with no regard to the wellbeing of his future children or the wellbeing of his wife. This is not only selfish, it feels immoral. I don’t know what …
/r/RedPillWomen29/12/19 12:23 PM
7

Like others have suggested, I would consider reaching out to women at your parish. They often have social groups you can join as well. It can be helpful to have their guidance and support, especially from experienced mothers who have been doing this for a long time. I would also consider counseling or therapy, because it sounds like you may be dealing with the aftermath of a traumatic birth. I would bring THIS up to your husband. I’m sure he’ll be able to understand your fears from this context.…
/r/RedPillWomen29/12/19 11:45 AM
0

I’d worry that telling him that she’s afraid of having sex with him can definitely hurt their marriage. There has to be better ways of speaking to him about this that does not involve using a phrase like that. I also believe suggesting condoms would be problematic because he has already told her that he’s against any form of birth control that could prevent a pregnancy from happening. That’s very likely why NFP is acceptable to use, because I believe it is based off of abstaining from sex rather…
/r/RedPillWomen29/12/19 11:21 AM
3

A man can still be a good captain but have very strong opinions about what his own wishes are. She knew this was important to him going into the relationship. It’s a very selfish thing to say that she has to live with whatever choice she makes and not take into account how her reproductive choices affect her husband too.
/r/RedPillWomen29/12/19 11:08 AM
2

I’m sorry but birth control is a very personal choice between a woman and her partner, spouse, husband, boyfriend, whatever. Your advice is a good way to destroy a relationship or at the very least destroy all trust within that relationship. Yes, you should expect your man to be respectful of your body, but you should also care enough and love him enough that his wishes are important to you as well. Getting an IUD against your husband’s expressed wishes and behind his back is very hurtful. How w…
/r/RedPillWomen29/12/19 11:05 AM
-3

I think this advice could hurt their marriage, especially since this is so important to him. He may not be entirely aware of her using NFP. As much I hate to even suggest not communicating with your spouse, it’s much easier to keep NFP from him if need be. I believe NFP is about abstaining during certain parts of your cycle.
/r/RedPillWomen29/12/19 10:51 AM
1

It sounds like he had all of those things (masters, job, friends) when the relationship started but only his communication with you has changed. It’s good to have friends but I think it’s a bad sign if someone starts to prioritize them over their partner.
/r/RedPillWomen23/12/19 03:39 AM
1

To me it sounds like he’s the one for you. It sounds like he treats you very well and would be devoted to you and your family if you two have one. Not going along entirely with traditional gender roles is fine! I believe he can still be a leader in other aspects of your relationship even if he won’t be the primary provider. Everyone brings something different to each relationship, I would encourage him to build his strengths rather than asking him to change entirely. There’s a recent post on thi…
/r/RedPillWomen22/12/19 05:54 AM
1

I’ve been in your shoes and I still think the guy may have believed I was using sex to negotiate, but I think that’s his problem. Another way to think of it is, if sex is so easy to come by nowadays, he can easily find a girl who is okay with casual sex and won’t care about him. If he wants you and cares about you, it should be important to him to provide that sense of safety you need. I don’t think having sex with him will make him stay or make him more interested in you than he already is. I b…
/r/RedPillWomen22/12/19 04:40 AM
2

I’m extraordinarily bad at breaking up with people. When I’ve tried to, I take them back out of guilt of not having giving them a chance to make things right. I also have a million thoughts eating away at me of what could have been, feel I was too harsh, cold, unkind, unyielding, unwilling to make things work, you can insert hundreds of other negatives here. Therefore, I’ve determined I’m incapable of breaking up with anyone. What I’ve naturally gravitated to doing is clearly stating to him what…
/r/RedPillWomen22/12/19 04:20 AM
1

I completely agree with you, since I would do the same. But I don’t have strong opinions about having kids or not. It sounds like OP already knows her partner is entirely against having more children. Regardless, she should be prepared for the conversation or possibility that he would reconsider having kids over losing the relationship.
/r/RedPillWomen22/12/19 03:22 AM
1

If you were to buy two violins, it wouldn’t really be a gift for her. It sounds like it would be exactly what he wants. It’s a bit nostalgic. He wants to play with her. How else would he teach her?
/r/RedPillWomen22/12/19 03:03 AM
1

Doesn’t Bumble force women to make the first move? I believe Tinder is the most organic. Matching is based on initial physical attraction. Men can take initiative to message the women they are most interested. Your pictures and summary are enough to give a person an idea of who you are, but not give everything away. You can say in your profile that you are using it as a dating app and not for hookups.
/r/RedPillWomen22/12/19 02:57 AM
9

This is not helpful and doesn’t offer any advice whatsoever. Try a little harder. Nothing OP has said seems to make her a horrible wife. She’s asking for advice on how to love her husband better! It can be very difficult to not start to resent a man who doesn’t take any initiative in the relationship.
/r/RedPillWomen22/12/19 02:32 AM
1

I think it’s normal to go for someone who has similar values to your own. You might find this in Europeans more than Americans. My family often criticizes people as being too Americanized, another way of saying promiscuous, not having strong family values, being lazy or not having a strong work ethic, etc. Men taking pride in dressing like slobs is also a pet peeve of mine. I really hope venting about this isn’t the same as bad-mouthing.. Edit: added to second paragraph.
/r/RedPillWomen22/12/19 12:49 AM
9

It seems like he took you back as a casual fling or a plate in TRP terms, and not with the intention of restarting or continuing the relationship. You might try going nun-mode and working on improving your SMV. I think RPW uses a different acronym, but I can’t remember it right now!
/r/RedPillWomen22/12/19 12:37 AM
2

You can ask questions that have nothing to do with solving their problems. What questions would you ask to learn more without any motive of fixing his problems?
/r/RedPillWomen22/12/19 12:05 AM
3

The way I usually summarize this is by saying if I wanted to be heard and not conversed with, I’d talk to the wall.
/r/RedPillWomen22/12/19 12:04 AM
2

This is not true. Some people unfortunately do not listen thoroughly enough to understand why a person is even voicing whatever to begin with. They just listen to solve problems for people or criticize and that’s when listening turns into bad listening, nagging, criticizing, or just generally being a pain in the ass. Good listening is listening to understand, learn, support, help, etc.
/r/RedPillWomen22/12/19 12:03 AM
3

I’m an INTP, and I’m not sure I would be able to be with a man who gets extremely upset with me for sharing my ideas with him. It would make me feel unvalued. But unlike you, my family has never appreciated my ideas and instead make me feel bad for it. I grew up in a family who very strongly taught and believed in stfu unless asked, and of course when asked, offering your own ideas instead of agreeing entirely was unwelcome. I think identifying the motivation behind you offering ideas can be hel…
/r/RedPillWomen21/12/19 11:35 PM
1

I hope people will correct me here, since I’m still learning and haven’t dated all that much. But, did you hint that it’s too early for sexual comments? Of course some guys will do it anyway, but I’ve found a small hint seems to help some guys switch them off. As long as it’s not critical or judgmental. Some apologize then ask you out on a date. It’s like they switch their mindset.
/r/RedPillWomen21/12/19 11:15 PM
4

Some TRP women warn against taking a wife role too soon, so I would read on that a bit too! Especially since it sounds like you two aren’t engaged yet.
/r/RedPillWomen21/12/19 10:59 PM
1

I think it’s more of a being vulnerable with eachother thing or wanting to be nurturing on my part than anything else. If he’s overly needy and seeking validation or any other sort of unhealthy behavior then that’s a huge turn off. If he doesn’t really let me be there in a situation in which a reasonable person would seek comfort from others, then I’d probably read that as him not being interested or serious and I’d probably start to lose interest myself.
/r/RedPillWomen13/12/19 04:53 PM
1

I think it can depend on what he’s saying and why he’s talking to you about it. If he sounds like he isn’t over her and wants her back, and that’s the only thing on his mind, then yes it’s a problem. If he’s not over what happened but doesn’t want her back, and just needs someone to listen to him because he can’t show vulnerability like that around his friends or family, then I think it’s okay? Maybe. It probably depends from guy to guy.
/r/RedPillWomen12/12/19 04:24 PM
1

I think men opening up about these things can be a way of showing vulnerability. I suppose you could also be his rebound, but I don’t know. I seem to enjoy comforting men and being able to “make things all better” and have sometimes felt a little put off or less invested if I can’t. I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing. Edit: whoops! Forgot to add that I completely agree with what you said! My comment is just what I wanted to add to it!
/r/RedPillWomen12/12/19 04:08 PM
2

Speaking up about your needs and being assertive isn’t inherently masculine. I think it’s all about how you say it. Learn how to tell him that you don’t like whatever is happening without accusing, complaining, whining, criticizing, etc. Using wording that leaves a bit of plausible deniability seems to better received by people who tend to take things too personally. Maybe be a bit timid or hesitant when saying it, rather than coming across as putting your foot down (which is sometimes necessary…
/r/RedPillWomen12/12/19 03:54 PM
1

Are there ways you could communicate your “complaints” positively? Ways to word these things or say these things that make it come across as more positive? Like... I’m happy with this, but this would make me even happier.
/r/RedPillWomen12/12/19 04:47 AM
1

I’ve been here too. I thought urging him to do simple things like take the time to actually plan dates by having something in mind of what he’d like us to do before asking me out would make a difference and it did not. It led to frustration for me too and even some self doubt because I started to worry he continued to do the same thing because he didn’t like me and wanted me to end things. I still worry about that at times. I think my hamster’s a little weird...
/r/RedPillWomen12/12/19 12:16 AM
3

She specifically asked for advice on what she can do that isn’t ending things or showing any kind of negative feelings towards him being busy. It’s the only thing I could think that could help get the message across that she’s okay with him being busy, but she wants more from him.
/r/RedPillWomen11/12/19 09:35 PM
1

I don’t send, but I do my best to receive them from men graciously when they do want to send me something as long as he doesn’t expect one in return and made sure I was comfortable with it before sending.
/r/RedPillWomen09/12/19 11:35 PM
2

It sounds like you have a good thing going on with him. You could potentially send him appreciation texts, if you think this is something he’d receive well. Maybe instead of waiting for him to reply to your last text, you can send him a well-timed text or two during his busy work week that let’s him know you were thinking of him? It could be a picture, a sweet message, a compliment, something cute, something that’ll make him laugh. Whatever. The purpose is to boost him up during his busy day and…
/r/RedPillWomen09/12/19 01:48 PM
2

If your man has given you no reason to doubt him, you have no reason to doubt him. Any other worry is probably coming from a place of personal insecurity. This is something you can address and work on. Ask yourself if there’s any concrete evidence that supports or fuels any of your worries. Sometimes having to be long distance for periods of time is inevitable, but if you two have decided to stay together through that now, there’s no reason to believe that having to be long distance for a time a…
/r/RedPillWomen09/12/19 11:30 AM
18

I really hope people will chime in and correct me if I’m wrong. I’ve been in your shoes and am not in a relationship so I’m not super confident with giving advice, but I hope it helps. If he takes one to two weeks to reply to your text, I think you can most often assume that’s how often he thinks of, considers, or wants to see you. If you haven’t already, you could make a small suggestion for how he can escalate things with you and see how receptive he is. Tell him how you always enjoy talking t…
/r/RedPillWomen09/12/19 10:16 AM
-1

Thinking of it that way would make me feel so much worse about it. It’s sorta framing it in a way that makes it sound like giving into sex during a moment of weakness rather than believing you made the right choice in this man at the time and then finding out later that you didn’t. Some people are more about pair bonding than wanting to stay a virgin because of religion. Appreciating that you held onto your resolve for so long comforts the latter not the former.
/r/RedPillWomen09/12/19 09:07 AM
1

Not sure if this is the place to ask... but what about men who do have an issue with you not being as experienced? I’d like to think guys like this are jerks, but saying that feels like an overgeneralization that doesn’t see where they’re coming from. I also worry it’s only a problem because I’m not as attractive as other women, I sometimes think if I were it would never be seen as an issue. It’s made me feel a lot less confident in myself.
/r/RedPillWomen09/12/19 06:20 AM
1

I hope it’s okay to reply to say this. But I don’t think holding out for so long is something to be celebrated. I think OP regrets losing her virginity to what feels like was the wrong guy and is sad she can’t have a seemingly special connection with her current boyfriend that him and his ex seemed to have had. It would be more helpful for her to remember that she does have a special and unique connection with her boyfriend that him and his ex didn’t have. That’s why that girl is an ex and OP an…
/r/RedPillWomen09/12/19 05:59 AM
1

I’ve always viewed being a provider as an alpha trait. I’m not sure why people call being a provider a beta trait. Being a leader and a provider often go hand in hand? I don’t view being attractive and charismatic as enough to consider a man an alpha male. There are men who can be both that do not have things I’ve traditionally considered alpha traits like dominance, drive, rationality, strong-will, etc.
/r/RedPillWomen09/12/19 01:21 AM
7

It’s fine that he asked if you could help pay for the date, but I believe he could have done so more graciously.
/r/RedPillWomen08/12/19 09:21 AM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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