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featherflowers Archive

View 13 posts and 635 comments by featherflowers on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
1430

REMINDER 👑featherflowers/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/08/20 03:22 PM
148

Story time ☕featherflowers/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/08/20 05:49 PM
94

MALE DEPRAVITYfeatherflowers/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/10/20 07:32 PM
89

LEVEL UPfeatherflowers/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/06/20 02:59 AM
73

LEVEL UPfeatherflowers/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/10/20 03:06 PM
55

QUEEN SH*Tfeatherflowers/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/21 05:50 PM
50

QUEEN SH*Tfeatherflowers/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/05/20 03:22 AM
35

NAH, SISfeatherflowers/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/07/20 01:46 PM
33

MINDSET SHIFTfeatherflowers/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/08/20 06:10 AM
31

SEEKING ADVICEfeatherflowers/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/07/20 03:48 AM
31

SEEKING ADVICEfeatherflowers/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/06/20 02:03 AM
19

QUEEN SH*Tfeatherflowers/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/10/20 01:08 AM
6

MOOD FOR LIFEfeatherflowers/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/20 04:34 AM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
1

But what is that nasty boil on him? Ew
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/02/22 04:41 AM
8

Predicting the future that there will be [erection of Pseudo Feminism... To have us at each other's throats] Wow. Sex positive liberal feminism has most definitely been an arm of the patriarchy where we degrade ourselves and police each other for the benefit of men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/21 01:03 PM
12

My vibrator doesn't care that I haven't shaved my legs and ate garlic bread for dinner. I can see this being a wildly popular needlepoint design.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/21 12:09 PM
51

Damnit that flavor combo does sound good though. I'm gonna look for that in a normal kombucha with a different name 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/21 03:54 AM
30

My grandfather (who recently passed, may he rest in peace) was a fabulous cook. He married my grandmother very young and I imagine they learned all these things together. I know their marriage was rather traditional while their five children were young, my grandmother did the cooking and cleaning while he worked, but he could still handle cooking and cleaning when it was needed of him. And he enjoyed making delicious things for my grandmother and our family. He took pride in what he made. He tau…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/07/21 03:19 PM
17

That was my first thought
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/07/21 03:11 AM
136

This smells fake to me. Karma and attention grab. No man that close to nuptials is getting away with hiding caring for a child or even that he's making child support payments if the mom actually abandoned that kid.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/07/21 03:05 AM
30

This is handbook material. I have a similar story and find this so relatable. I think many women will see similarities in what they have been through as well. Especially since we are raised to give a man a chance rather than asking what he brings to the table.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/07/21 04:02 PM
60

I sincerely hope the friend that had to take her home at 2am gives her a reality check and she figures out how to have some self esteem. Emergency surgery, hospital discharge and he's this bad?!?!!!! Imagine something possibly worse like a traumatic birth or death of a parent and he's worried about the game instead of the person he's supposed to love. I was loving and supportive for every funeral he had to attend and went alone to all of mine. Awful stuff. I hope she gets out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/07/21 12:38 AM
18

He's going to visit a female best friend.... MASSIVE red flag
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/07/21 04:09 PM
14

A long term ex would sometimes joke around with his friends that he had a small one.... he did not. I think if they're willing to have self deprecating humor about it they are comfortable with what they've got. But this was a rare area of self awareness for that asshole.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/21 11:05 PM
3

I absolutely LOVE her!!!!! I found her through a playlist on positive energy on Spotify. Everything I've heard so far I love.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/06/21 03:04 AM
12

I look back at relationships and how they truly were (once the gory bits fell off and all that was left was the crushed bones of what was ultimately nothing) This is such a hauntingly beautiful metaphor and I'm definitely going to let it color any occasional trips down memory lane that need a hard reality check. I'm so glad it's not me anymore. I hope for her sake that he's grown and changed and treats her better. But that's highly unlikely. I got out and I hope one day I never have to think abo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/06/21 02:58 AM
186

Once society fulfills their basic responsibilities to uphold paid maternity leave and proper childcare support and assistance and breaks down misogynistic households and and and and.... I'm not raising a child until I can fully support it in a loving and financially stable household. They want future taxpayers and they don't care what happens from birth to that first filing as long as birth rates stabilize. Such utter bullshit.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/06/21 07:24 PM
8

Your advice is the only other reply to my comment that had handbook approved advice. Do the things you enjoy doing and it will happen naturally. If he's shy or doing it indirectly he's not worth your time and you will have to drag him through every step of the relationship. That's not queen shit. Put yourself in situations to meet people as the world gets back to normal. Be appropriately open and friendly like you would be to anyone you're just meeting at a class or event but that's it. Focus mo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/06/21 01:42 PM
124

Be friendly and open if he approaches you. Otherwise keep living your best life and doing whatever you are there to do. Don't worry about leaving the door open or inviting his presence or any of that. If he wants to ask you out, he will. If he wanted to, he would. Period.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/06/21 12:20 AM
36

Is this from Reddit? I think doxxing is bad but there is definitely a case for it here. This is heinous. I hope this man never gets to touch a woman let alone come close to procreating.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/06/21 01:41 PM
2

I know in my current relationship it's expected because of his family assets. I also want to protect my assets. I know his family has a standard one but since I'm actually bringing something to the table, it will be a negotiation. I will have my own lawyer who will only have my interests in mind and will negotiate amendments on my behalf. At this point, and I hope I always feel this way, I want to protect what he's trying to protect. We both stand to inherit lands and neither of us would want to…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/06/21 04:21 AM
10

Possibly a newbie, can't see it fully yet, but they commented that they had been a bit disappointed with PYW ending and grew to appreciate it. I would agree. I appreciate it. But I also still wish the ending had been different, I'm tired of women being used to develop a plot, don't want to give any spoilers but I feel there was a way to write it without doing that. However I recognize that a woman being a plot device is so on point for many of our lived experiences. I just want to see the woman …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/06/21 04:02 AM
34

Hot divorcee summer ladies. So on trend after kick him out 2020. Let's give this show ratings, I am excited to watch this one. I feel it won't let me down like the ending of Promising Young Woman did. Regardless, it will be refreshing to see something that actually resembles my lived experiences on screen.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/06/21 03:11 AM
57

Love this OP. I've recently starting expecting some degree of reciprocity in my friendships. And holy shit have I been getting let down and walked all over for years. I tell myself, well you can't expect you from other people. But really that's bullshit. If people can't match my energy, what are they doing in my life??? (I'm still working on the answer to that, long established habits are harder to break) Being everyone's therapist gets old. Being the person that always picks up the phone, who i…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/21 04:01 AM
7

Definitely not. I paid a lump sum for 20 sessions plus pre and post test. I've decided that if I need more than that the funds will come, no point in stressing about it. Money is always there when I need it - especially now that I'm not sponsoring an abusive addict 50/50. I'm about 1/3 into the sessions and it is helping so much. I highly recommend it. One of my biggest concerns was regaining the executive function skills I lost in coping with trauma for six years and I am seeing massive progres…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/21 03:45 AM
14

Ugh yuck what a spoiled shit. I did 50/50 with the ex. I am so glad I didn't marry him. I see now that he recognized the financial security in my family and was definitely taking advantage of it. He kept all the gifts from my parents and was trying to get out of giving me back the down payment when he got to keep the house. Men like this will take everything you have and abuse you further when you run out. Walking away with the security of knowing you'll never let someone do this to you again is…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/21 10:20 PM
100

I just paid off the credit card I maxed for purchases on getting settled in the house we bought together. He should have contributed to that but obviously didn't. The lost equity from getting that house with him rather than alone. Neurofeedback therapy, regular therapy, journals and self help books.... I don't even want to think about it. And before I decided to pony up for therapy that my insurance doesn't cover, drinking to numb the pain. I'm not going to put a number on this because I know it…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/21 04:26 PM
52

Love Anna Paquin. Is the show not FDS worthy or something?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/21 06:10 PM
145

Providing unconditional love regardless of if it was deserved That conditioning is why all of my adult relationships prior to age 30 were dumpster fires. I never questioned if I wanted to be with those men, if they were worthy of my time. I sought only to please them and maintain the relationship. They picked me and I felt it was my duty them to keep them happy. Thankfully FDS exists now and I have deprogrammed myself. Fuck the patriarchy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/21 06:07 PM
23

7 months in. Marriage is on the table (which is what I want). Everything points to high value. BUT you have to keep vetting. If he doesn't grow with you you gotta be ready to go, no matter what. I promised a post on this relationship somewhere after the six month mark because everything points to him truly being an HVM. I was invited on the big family vacation this summer so I want to see how that goes first. But I am incredibly happy every single day and he is always doing the most to ensure th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/06/21 05:02 PM
22

Like on one hand, I've had a toxic job. What are was feeling with was not sustainable unless fashion was her dream industry. BUT there was a time limit. She knew life would suck for a set period of time and then she would be able to work anywhere. This job was cutting her teeth and then it would be all good things that she wanted to do. Her friends not supporting her during a time limited shitty time in her career was terrible of them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/06/21 10:37 PM
8

Is an app in the works?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/06/21 04:43 PM
18

Unlearning lies is a handbook worthy mantra. I was journaling today about my struggles with learning to give myself grace. I realized my feelings of being an imposter or unworthy were just old programming from trauma. And that I was tired of my perfection or nothing mindset. I am working on rewriting my programming to be gentle with myself and to give myself grace, time, and attention in the form of self care on a regular basis. When I find myself being critical of myself and falling into old th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/21 06:05 PM
5

This brought tears to my eyes. Parenting goals. Family life goals. I wish I had a couple like this to be around when I was growing up as role models. Thank you for sharing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/21 04:07 AM
10

Oh my God 🙏 yaaaasssssss I am going to get to renovate an 18th century farm house and I was thinking about where I could get inspiration for how to use all the myriad of rooms and spaces. Thank you so much for sharing this OP.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/06/21 07:17 PM
4

If you want to, you could eventually. I am so sorry you're going through that . But don't feel like you need to try things or make yourself uncomfortable or in pain just because other people like it. Keep working with yourself for your own pleasure and whatever that means for you. Your pleasure and comfort is all that matters. Always.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/06/21 04:36 AM
18

Full disclosure I dressed as a dalmatian for Halloween in my childhood. This is one of those Disney movies that shaped me. I love Emma Stone and I was curious. But I didn't see how they could possibly make a puppy coat skinning villain redeemable. Thank you so much for sharing your review, I am absolutely 101% going to watch this now. And I am SO happy to hear there is zero romance in this story. That is exactly the type of narrative little girls need to see more. Your life and dreams should cen…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/06/21 03:39 AM
60

My mom is seeing her mistakes at a point where it is just way too late and now she just has to deal with what she signed up for. However, she listens to what I have to say and it is clear she regrets her choices. I don't think we'll ever have a big cathartic I'm sorry for procreating with your philandering father moment, because it's obvious while yet unspoken. But she seems genuinely happy for me and the choices I'm making. I wish she wasn't trapped with my step father and I know she does too b…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/05/21 04:04 AM
6

This made me tear up a little bit. So happy for you Queen. My relationship is still very new compared to yours. But I am always feeling like my feminine gifts are so deserved by this man. He continues to be the epitome of "if he wanted to be would" and because of that he gets to experience my soft, loving, giving side because reciprocation when you're treated well is just second nature, a natural and beautiful thing between two people that really care about each other.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/05/21 03:52 AM
23

Agreed. I'd love to see the two women write and produce this themselves. I'm guessing contractual obligations were a factor here, which sucks because I love Lena and her character in this show. I want to watch it and see how the story ends but I don't want Ansari getting ratings. I am looking forward to seeing more from these women creators though now that they're finished with this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/05/21 03:56 AM
14

Good for you!!! I left a toxic bar and the asshole misogynist manager kept trying to get me to come back. I love my new job and I am so appreciated and well paid and respected. The hours are way better, it's in a much safer location, I never have to close alone, it's just a million times better. Standing up for yourself and walking away with your head held high will always lead to even better opportunities if you beleive in yourself and your capabilities. I just know this is going to work out fo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/05/21 03:44 PM
7

What. The. Fuck. Like I knew it would be real, because of course it is. But I still can't beleive it??? Cognitive dissonance that I live in a world where this happened. And that this is just one caught on a live stream, this is probably more common than I care to ponder. Thanks for sharing? I need brain bleach.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/05/21 04:28 AM
17

That was poetry! "Mark it with little red flags" 💀💀💀I am deceased
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/05/21 12:28 PM
17

This quote was one of the first things I put on my list when I started applying FDS principles. Love to see it!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/05/21 04:30 AM
350

Oh. My. No no no no no no. I am already incredibly freaked out about having to get it removed by the doctor when the time comes I cannot even imagine this. Just no. Ugh.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/05/21 04:01 AM
5

Vegas? I'm dying. Wow. I really hope she finds this thread and gets paid and a new attitude. No one deserves this level of disrespect in what is supposed to be a partnership.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/05/21 05:46 PM
62

Depending what state she's in she's most likely got a very good case. And two weeks is not ideal, but if she would stop whining on reddit she could find a competent attorney who could get the process of nailing his ass to the wall started during these two weeks. Part of her case would include wedding deposits and expenditures. If she handles this properly she could get paid and make him look like the asshole he is publicly.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/05/21 12:55 AM
11

Shhhh alt accounts to participate elsewhere. We are taking over bit by bit.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/05/21 12:47 AM
28

2013 was a long time ago though. I'm not convinced she had no idea about their relationship or that Bill was not involved in anything. This article is only slightly less fluff than the last.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/05/21 12:32 AM
16

I feel like based on what you've said here, after you do a good six months to a year of individual counseling (and he should probably do the same simultaneously) you would be a good candidate for couples counseling. There seems to be some resentment on both sides, understandably, but if things are essentially neutral you could work towards building the love and partnership that you want together. However I think you've got a lot of work and unpacking to do before you are ready for that. But bein…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/05/21 12:02 AM
105

By far the best retort comment I've seen on here on a while. Sad, funny, and true. Have an I don't give the cesspit that is Reddit money award 🏆
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/05/21 04:20 AM
6

Lol I just couldn't help it I love animals that are domestic but way bigger than average. Like giant rabbits - why are you so big and adorable? Giant tortoises? My heart just overflows from the cuteness!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/05/21 02:07 PM
3

I LOVE the name and the reference. I can't wait to see pictures. Also I loved hearing about your gift month and your husband treating you right! Gives me the good feels.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/05/21 02:05 PM
44

Listen I know this has nothing to do with dating. But can we get some more details on your tortoise? Major animal lover here and I have always wanted to know more about keeping one of these at home. Also what did you name him or her and can we see pictures?!?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/05/21 05:17 AM
67

This needs more upvotes. Specifically the advice to let him get that job so she can get a better alimony payment, and then pursue a better paying job wherever she decides she wants to live.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/05/21 03:44 PM
12

I most definitely do
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/05/21 05:03 AM
42

I disassociated watching this. Jesus. I'm glad she shared it though, women need to know this is emotional abuse and it is not ok.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/05/21 09:40 PM
14

Working on the same stuff over here. Good for you for recognizing it and being committed to your healing and growth!!! You deserve all the love you already put out into the world to come back to you threefold from yourself and any partner. Keep giving yourself grace and the shift will come in time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/21 03:08 PM
4

I would love a post on just this topic. I saw red for Pam during that episode. The whole show, now that I see things through the FDS lense is problematic. But I'm sure a lot of us watched it back in the day and this particular 180 I would really like to discuss with the FDS lense.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/21 02:52 PM
28

This is legend. We need a compendium of comebacks like this. I will absolutely be using this plantain offer and the OPs original carrot and piss scenario the next time anyone brings up the idea that sex work is work.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/21 02:48 PM
3

Wife has kept up her trophy appearance, as was her job, which didn't need an explicit convo. This insight. And he knows that this was part of the arrangement the way he talks about her. Ugh.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/05/21 09:12 PM
19

I'm still a "cool aunt" at this point. But I've tried and failed to help some of my nieces have higher standards. I'm very interested in this advice. Especially how to plant seeds without directly telling, like OP said they definitely do not want to be told what to do. Coming to their own conclusion is very important to my headstrong nieces. Which is can fully understand and appreciate, I had to learn some lessons the hard way too. But I'd love to spare them some of the forever gf bullshit I put…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/05/21 10:16 PM
2

I just looked into it. Her brother wrote it and she sang. It's the overall family dynamic that's problematic for me. Would I have understood the connotations of these songs at 13? Yes. Was that appropriate? Probably not. The whole thing is concerning and I wish she didn't have the pressure to be a role model but due to her celebrity, she does. I think she's doing the best she can and I hope things get easier for her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/05/21 10:09 PM
12

Oof this. Ugh. I love her music but finding out how young she was definitely put a damper on it all. Even Ocean Eyes, a beautiful song but for a 13 year old ugh. Not right. She even references knowing her mom wouldn't like it in Bad Guy. Which was probably planned because stage mom. Just yikes all around now that I view these things through an FDS lense.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/05/21 07:47 PM
7

Oh my God I didn't even think about that. I really hoped the baggy clothes were her protecting herself, but what you're saying makes so much sense and is also horrifying. I hate living in a patriarchy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/05/21 07:34 PM
27

I have a female proposal pick me ghastly horror story. It's so bad I don't even know if I want to type it out. But it was a friend from college and I was moh and I didn't know that she proposed until the day of the wedding. The cool girl shit eating grin on her face when she explained that she asked him to marry her while they were doing anal.... Ugh. I lost all respect for her. They're still together despite her alcoholism and numerous attempts at infidelity. 2 kids, now I think they swing to m…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/04/21 04:34 AM
157

This is so wholesome and just gave me the feel good chills. I'm so glad you were able to pay it forward. Wishing you and her the best!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/04/21 02:50 AM
25

I couldn't finish it either. I think a lot of women are not codependent so much as they are with garbage men. Hindsight that's what I was dealing with. Sure I was enabling him, but those were acts of self preservation more so than codependency because he was an abusive addict, not just an addict.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/04/21 01:40 AM
64

Hopefully next he's whining about his divorce. He will never help her or be anything other than a burden while she's trying to parent.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/04/21 01:56 PM
1

How did I miss these too???
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/04/21 12:36 PM
22

Currently in a committed relationship with only vanilla sex and it is hands down the best sex of my life. Mind blowing orgasms almost every time (and it is truly a me thing if it doesn't happen for me, he does everything he can for extended periods of time, sometimes I'm just not able to focus). But we waited to have sex, we have a very deep connection. I feel completely safe with him, I can be vulnerable. We are truly making love and it is so beautiful and wonderful, and passionate and fun and …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/04/21 05:11 PM
7

This is satire, right?!?! The self awareness to realize he will gaslight her but she's still asking for advice? Make it make sense.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/04/21 05:01 PM
33

I don't want to Google it and need eyeball bleach. What is this term with the S? I'm afraid but also want to stay informed.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/04/21 04:34 PM
32

Your comment is some of the best discourse I've heard on this subject. Sadly no one in charge of decisions on this stuff is going to be logical about any of it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/04/21 12:27 AM
32

Can someone link all the classics? New users need to know our lore - terrifying tales of The Nest, The Field, The Shower, and The Butt Crumbs.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/04/21 12:22 AM
4

The original ones used to be called soft cup and are now flex discs always work great for me. I pretty much only use them for sex nowadays. But I've worn them to serve tables when I didn't want to mess with tampons during a long shift and it worked great. There is a new brand with a really pretty label. But I found the diameter is slightly larger or something, not sure what, but those do not stay in place for me. I also tried the silicone reusable disc and it gave me the worst cramps of my life …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/04/21 11:10 PM
45

How did I miss butt crumbs? Like I probably don't really want to know but I still do.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/04/21 07:16 PM
32

I love your comment, you are so right that the amazing actors are partially to blame for the sympathy the characters garner. I remember being very excited for both of these movies and was so disappointed with how the plots played out. However, Blue Valentine did convince me to leave a particularly shitty situation with a NV ex, so there's that. I saw how broken Michelle Williams' character was and I knew if I didn't leave then I never would. I guess there's something to be said for these movies'…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/04/21 04:15 PM
5

That second info graphic from the blog post was so helpful to me, thank you for sharing this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/04/21 04:03 PM
44

This is horrifying. How did our species get to this place???
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/04/21 02:29 PM
9

I resonate so much with this OP thank you for sharing your story! I am still chubby. I was always "curvy" and then gained a bunch of weight due to stress with my NVX. I also gained two auto immune diseases from the complex PTSD I got from that relationship. Hindsight is absolutely 20/20. So while I've realized that bathing my brain in cortisol for six plus years had led to weight gain, healing from that takes time. So I've been giving myself grace and I'm allowing my weight to normalize naturall…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/04/21 05:07 AM
590

I think it also has something to do with women being willing to stay in a shitty situation to avoid being homeless. Because we know that rape and sexual assault will be nearly unavoidable on the streets. The abuser you know is not as scary as one you don't. I worked in community mental health and this was a sad reality for many women I served.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/04/21 02:00 PM
16

I absolutely love this
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/04/21 02:50 PM
16

As a fellow survivor of childhood trauma, I urge you to get professional help for yourself during this time. I developed incredible empathy because of my trauma and also dated a string of abusive men. I also became a therapist and ultimately had to leave that career because it was too much without doing my own work first. I think you should absolutely take this opportunity to go to your dream school and advance yourself. But make sure that you take time for yourself with no men or romantic attac…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/04/21 02:33 PM
5

Thank you so much for sharing. I feel so seen and validated. Carrying on with normal life while suffering abuse was so disconcerting. And now that I've been out for two years the fact that I carried on despite what I was enduring has made it so easy for mutuals to invalidate my experience. Some of my pick me friends that knew about the abuse act like it never even happened. It's frustrating. But it helps to know I'm not the only one that's been through this. I cannot wait to listen to this book!…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/04/21 03:28 PM
9

Hey that's a lot of us. You're here now, eyes opened and ready to keep doing the work to dismantle the patriarchy. And you've already got some quality research under your belt about exactly why we need to do that. Participating in FDS and sharing your stories with other women to help them recover from or hopefully never become pick mes is also important work. And you have some of the most important work to do in raising the next generation to feel empowered. The influence you have on your daught…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/04/21 11:39 AM
110

Exactly how the fuck is he not in jail yet???
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/04/21 10:43 PM
167

You did very difficult and very important work in creating that thesis. I am disappointed but not surprised that there are academic elites ignorant to the plight of women in countries and cultures that they don't reside in. I hope your presentation not only enlightened them but hopefully their new awareness will have had some ripple effect in that academic environment.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/04/21 10:37 PM
21

I just fucking died when I got to the photo. Oh.M.G. So much cringe, so much bullshit, just so much awful.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/04/21 04:24 AM
5

Those poor kids. Whether or not she's happy, they're seeing a terrible example for the children. They won't know what a healthy relationship looks like. I hope they have other positive influences in their lives.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/04/21 09:44 PM
8

that doesn’t mean my ass gotta deal with it. So much this!!!! I wish I had known this when I was younger. We are not obligated to put up with any of their bullshit no matter what it may be.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/04/21 06:30 PM
4

Out of morbid curiosity.... What happened to the miserable couple? Marriage, divorce, God forbid children???
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/04/21 06:15 PM
117

He looks like it's the happiest day of his life in both photos because he's with her. I love this so much.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/04/21 04:34 PM
42

Ugh this made me shudder to think about
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/04/21 08:42 PM
26

Ok.... I know so not the point of this post.... But what was 7b? To say he can do it to himself but he's never heard of it??? Super curious.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/04/21 03:14 AM
12

Journal it out, hit the gym hard. This is great advice for so many situations. Adding this to my lexicon of guiding words.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/04/21 03:11 AM
12

This is handbook material. A lovely parable that so many FDS ladies will find relatable. Thank you OP 👑
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/04/21 07:29 PM
84

Early 30s here and the only unmarried woman in my friend group. They told me I was too picky and should give someone a chance so many times. In our small group two women are on their second marriage/engagement (forever girlfriend got a ring at the mall the day after they attended a mutuals wedding) and just last week a third announced that she threw her rings at her husband and they are now separated. Meanwhile I spent a year dating with intention and walking away from men who didn't meet my sta…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/21 05:30 PM
7

Awesome, thank you so much!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/03/21 06:50 PM
5

OP can you share the links from that commenter? They look good and I'd like to check them out. Possible resources for my pick me friends, one of whom is attempting a separation from her husband.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/03/21 06:40 PM
13

I need to start actively using the website. It's just so easy to open up Reddit but FDS is the only reason I am really here anymore. I knew Reddit had some messed up stuff behind the scenes but this is just beyond anything I imagined. Male depravity was worse than I could've thought 🤷‍♀️ I'm disappointed but not surprised.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/21 04:23 AM
72

The mental gymnastics she is putting herself through - just wow. I hope she wakes up and gets out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/21 05:07 PM
25

I am so glad this distinction is being made. There are times I have advocated for a softer tone to women on here. And that's normally because these women were victims of abuse and the programming that comes with it. Granted, we are all victimized by the patriarchy. But FDS seeks to empower us and the standards we hold help to level the disparities. I don't want to see us being harsh to women that have been abused and need some guidance to overcome traumatically induced programming. However I do …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/21 04:03 PM
6

That other child of hers is already in danger and the baby will be too. Ugh hopefully the other woman sees the light and gets out of there.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/21 03:35 PM
83

Oof. Ouch. This is my narcissistic negative value ex. Spot on. Let's maybe put a trigger warning on this? I had a full on coughing fit I think because my body was mad at being reminded of what I tolerated blindly for so long. Never again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/03/21 07:07 AM
5

It really is. I knew high value men were rare and it took nearly a year of learning and applying FDS principles to find this man. But seeing "if he wanted to he would" in action in the domestic arena has been so healing. It gives me hope for the next generation. That it's possible to have a true partnership where we both can work inside and outside of the home and work together to creating the life and home that we want.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/03/21 04:55 PM
9

I'm having flashbacks. My NVM ex drove me to this point as well. He would get so mad that he was always the one that had to mow the lawn and split wood. He could not grasp the fact that those chores are done weekly seasonally and that I had to cook and clean and do laundry every single day. He would tell me I took too long doing things... Because he would half ass do things instead of doing them correctly and exasperated I'd just do them myself. The man I'm with now we do everything together. We…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/03/21 04:39 PM
4

Ok so this is better than your post yesterday. But if you're new I want to recommend that you worry more about what it is that you want and how to level up your own life. We deal with the audacity of men a lot in this sub and we can all commiserate. But make sure you really read and understand the handbook. It would probably also be good for you to follow female level up strategy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/03/21 12:43 PM
30

This is why we vet before sex. A high value man will seek your enthusiastic consent and stop if you display any sign of discomfort. He will be open to hearing your no, to stopping, to doing something differently because he values your pleasure as much if not more than his own. Because he values you. Don't have sex with anyone that doesn't value you. From the article: "But this only works if we assume a certain kind of partner, one who is already fully committed to the complex autonomy of the oth…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/03/21 05:09 PM
3

The caption on the video with zero description is a no watch for me. We don't need to empathize with them. The entire world is already structured for their benefit. We need them to empathize with us.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/03/21 04:38 PM
10

Oh my God girls next door and Tila Tequila - we loved those shows and they were so awful and toxic. Years later when Hef died I read accounts from the girls of what it was really like and it was so so sad.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/03/21 05:33 AM
111

For anyone else to save you a Google because I was ignorant. ABD is American Born 'confused' Desi. FDS really helps expand my knowledge about different cultures. Although this term does seem a bit derogatory, It certainly paints a picture after reading this post and the wikipedia. But men of all cultures can treat women like objects or property - importing a bride - absolutely trash to say this. I hope that this woman is able to make the most of the situation she's been pushed into and is treate…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/03/21 05:51 AM
5

Wait so she has to manage the household finances carefully, get him gifts with her own money, and he can do what he wants with his money??? But he is king??? I don't understand.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/21 05:02 PM
41

Excuse me they call their husbands captain??? Oh my.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/03/21 06:21 AM
218

This comment is gold and a beautiful tribute to FDS on your cake day. I commend you. Here is some emotive gold rather than giving reddit money. 🏆🏆🏆 If women had always been in full control of our own reproduction, then we wouldn't have any of the demographic crises we have today. Overpopulation is caused by men force breeding their bonded slaves. The economic crisis is caused by centuries of male driven capitalism and obsession with technology and they have the absolute fucking GALL to pretend t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/03/21 06:05 AM
53

I came to reddit to get anonymous support for the narcissistic abusive relationship I was struggling to leave. I found FDS in the aftermath of leaving that relationship. This sub has changed my life. Fuck everyone that can't respect a safe space for women. We actually need safe spaces. Reddit is nothing if not a safe space for men, especially white men. Why can't we just have our corner of the internet? We are here doing our own thing and if they were actually good people they would celebrate th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/03/21 05:50 AM
17

I wish my friends had said anything. FDS will ruin all your relationships in the best way to help you grow. Not a one of those women said leave his ass or acted like that was an option until they were there throwing my shit in boxes. I will always appreciate that they showed up in my time of dire need to run the fuck away. But I also won't forget that they only offered appeasing words when I was trying to make sense of the appallingly abusive ways he was treating me. I lamented and questioned my…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/03/21 05:20 AM
9

Listen, I was also concerned 😆
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/21 08:10 AM
21

A toxic work environment is second only to a toxic partnership as far as having a poor quality of life. I've struggled with this throughout my twenties and I don't have a great answer for you. But you have my empathy and support. I'm always looking for another side hustle or a better fit.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/21 04:43 PM
9

I absolutely adore this summary. I'm here for book reports putting through the FDS lense. OP your summary is succinct, well-written, and eloquent. Thank you for sharing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/21 04:31 PM
33

This story is amazing. Somehow knowing that someone else was able to do this makes me feel better. Thank you for sharing. Also I hope that dude froze to death.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/21 03:45 PM
18

I'm so glad you got out and got away. You're safe now and the best part is you can trust yourself again because you are the one that got you to safety. I'm so proud of you. Sometimes I need to remind myself of everything I just said here, I'm happy when I can say this to someone else and we both get that good reminder of how capable and strong we are. All the love ❤️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/21 06:02 AM
3

I caught myself self-sabotaging the last few weeks. Realized that I was scared about how amazingly everything has been going with my new boyfriend. Reined that behavior back in and reminded myself that I deserve to love and be loved. Your message is exactly the confirmation I need to see to remind me to stay in gratitude and enjoy that which I worked so hard in therapy and on myself to be able to have.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/02/21 06:25 PM
25

This was so beautiful to read, thank you for sharing. It's like a modern day proverb, certainly one that will stick with me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/02/21 04:56 PM
9

If you're coming here to complain about him you know what you need to do. This sub is gonna give you some tough love. Tell us here your plan to leave. If you're not ready to start planning your path to freedom and loving yourself more than external validation from a man you're not ready for FDS.
/r/askFDS21/02/21 02:06 PM
19

You and OP slaying with the roasts 💀💀💀
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/21 02:02 PM
29

Ugh the Aria v Sansa thing was so aggravating. I do appreciate that Sansa's "husband" was fed to his own dogs. Her whole character arc on the show was just awful. She had to be grateful for what she endured when it shouldn't have been in the show in the first place. Just another on screen representation of a woman being better off because she suffered injustice gracefully. Awful.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/21 08:25 PM
43

If I had a mind to write fiction... We need more good fiction with strong female leads that this shit doesn't happen. Aaaaaand it also doesn't happen in the show or movie and never gets to pander to the male gaze. So tired of it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/21 07:57 PM
82

This right here. I was so mad at the show for that. Dany did everything she could to stop barbaric practices against women including her soldiers being permitted to rape as the spoils of war in the books. Fuck HBO for ruining the GOT show for me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/21 07:35 PM
23

Him saying that nothing even happened means that they all had sex with her. What type of incestuous male bonding is this shit?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/21 01:01 PM
3

You should make a post. That store analogy is handbook material!!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/21 07:37 PM
7

I agree with this! All my long term relationships, in hindsight, were pretty shitty men. But after the first few times of figuring each other out, I came 99% of the time that we had sex. If they're not making you happy and they are ALSO not making you cum, why are you even there?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/21 06:34 PM
6

I cringe remembering this but in my pick me days I told one of my friends that I thought of her as mom goals because she always had her hair and makeup done despite raising two boys and being the full time worker. Knowing what I know now I feel terrible that I reinforced that for her. She only got any affection or appreciation from her ex when she was looking good. Despite doing EVERYTHING to make their life run. He's here ex now but she's doing the same thing for the next one. I try to be a goo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/21 06:26 PM
17

This needs more upvotes. The more I think critically about the history of the patriarchal world we live in the angrier I get. Then I think about the current state of things seeing the world with eyes opened by FDS and I wonder why I decided to live on this planet.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/21 06:16 PM
2

You don't have to settle for meh feelings. You should be excited to be in a relationship. Until then, work on being ok with your own company.
/r/askFDS18/02/21 06:04 PM
82

Your softness, desire to care and help, to love - these things will not be wasted on a high value man. You can learn from this to not waste your feminine gifts on a low value man, to protect yourself and save these gifts for someone who deserves them. Thank your past self for the lessons and realize she was just doing the best she could in a society that teaches women to value the attention/possession of a man over her own self worth, dignity, and sometimes even her sanity. So glad you're here a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/21 05:38 PM
3

As someone who took five years and two attempts at leaving an emotionally (and I have finally also admitted sexually) abusive relationship, I am glad to see so many comments here redirecting this message. There is a difference between toxic and abusive and this video is not for those in abusive situations. But those people usually don't realize they're being abused so I wish the original tik tok poster could have some more empathy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/21 01:20 AM
9

I agree with this and also with another commenter. Do at least six months of therapy before trying to date again. I did that a year after getting out of an emotionally abusive relationship. I then dated intentionally. No one that I felt the need to be cold towards made it to the relationship phase. Vet hard, labels should be difficult to get to and should be earned with consistent effort, quality time, and chemistry. OP I wonder if you're letting people in that aren't actually right for you and …
/r/askFDS17/02/21 01:35 AM
5

💀💀💀
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/21 12:56 PM
9

I really really want to share the full story. But I feel like it's too soon as far as FDS standards. I've been following FDS nearly a year now and this relationship got started in November. FDS really does work when you apply it. I learned so much leading up to meeting this man and setting proper standards and boundaries made a massive difference in my dating life was well as my life overall. I seem to have found exactly the man I wanted and FDS was a huge part of that. But I want to do it justi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/21 07:53 AM
20

Alright. I'm still holding off on the full post about my new bf. But I can't help but to gush here. We both cried when I opened my gift tonight. It was a picture of the stars the night we first started talking -before he even asked me out- with the location (very meaningful to us) and a quote saying when I think of wishing on a star I think of you. There was a card that also was very meaningful and brought a tear to my eye because of the thoughtful content. The message inside alluded to the gift…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/21 07:37 AM
51

Read 👏 The 👏 Handbook 👏 But block and delete him first. He's a waste of your precious time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/02/21 06:09 AM
11

Ugh I just watched and she is SO much better looking than him. Like come on girl, you don't need to tolerate this crap. Do better for yourself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/02/21 05:13 PM
3

20s
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/02/21 05:14 AM
5

Take yourself on an amazing vacation. Promise it will be even better than having a cheating, worthless, complaining ahole chained to your ankle.... plus, you won't have to blow anybody for the privilege. you won't have to blow anybody for the privilege. I am deceased 💀💀💀
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/02/21 06:52 AM
17

I REALLY needed to read this one today, thank you. Found out my ex is getting married in April. He proposed to her on new year's Eve. He drug out the engagement with me saying he wanted to buy a house first. No, he really just wanted me to buy him a house. She is everything I was not. They are so happy and in love. Really she thinks she's leveling up because this one doesn't hit her (yet). He finally has the bang maid of his dreams because she's got that trauma response of cleaning and doing eve…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/02/21 06:35 AM
56

I love that you turned the tables on him. What a despicable man. Anxiety is just so difficult to deal with and I've been in the situation of having an ex actively try to make it worse. It's infuriating. I'm glad you got out! Doing hard things like that will help build your confidence in yourself and your choices.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/02/21 06:12 AM
2

I'm having a weird glitch that when I click on a post it's showing me an entirely different post. But the same different post no matter where I click. Regardless, thank you for the reminder I'll try to get over there more frequently.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/02/21 06:45 AM
14

This is a good point. I guess I just wanted to encourage action rather than waiting things out and hoping things get better. Take action right now to make a safety plan and an escape plan if you are in danger. loveisrespect.org has good resources on identifying if you're in an abusive relationship and has tools to make a plan to get out safely.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/21 06:29 PM
89

Say it again!! ANY. I mean ANY. Physical form of intimidation is domestic violence. Full stop. Is ASSAULT Don't allow it. Don't let it go tonight. You are braver than you know and stronger than you think. I did it and you can too. LEAVE NOW. Not tomorrow, not when things are easier. Go NOW You are worth it, your kids are worth it. I love you. I believe in you. You can do hard things.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/21 04:49 AM
282

Oh. My. I deeply regret unmuting this. I guess I was warned though. I pray she left him after that. Like immediately.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/02/21 11:01 PM
7

Oh and I forgot to say, he probably already is.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/02/21 12:52 AM
21

I think what matters here to the newbies to learn is that a man that is making it this far has done a lot. That there have probably been multiple men that didn't make it past the first date. That you have learned to block and delete at the first red flag before even getting to the date. Vetting starts before the first date. Reality is that most men aren't worth your time. If he gets past three dates there is something of substance there. Vet even harder at that point and only get physical as you…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/21 11:51 PM
14

I don't give awards because it's unnecessary to give reddit money. But this comment deserves some gold!! 🏅🏅🏅🏅🏅
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/21 11:44 PM
21

With the expensive accessories thing -depending how you want to portray yourself, you could say you got it for yourself. I don't want a man competing with another imaginary man, I want him competing with how well I treat myself. I wear my diamond right hand ring I bought myself all the time and make it clear that I bought it to celebrate a life achievement. If he can't treat me better than I treat me, he's not worth my time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/21 11:42 PM
98

🎯
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/21 07:47 PM
31

Telling me "this is just how I am, take it or leave it". I should have just left it. Listen when they tell you who they are.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/01/21 06:42 AM
38

I love your current vibe. Yes Queen 💓 When you get on that level and see FDS working in your life it's an amazing ride. Some days I get so blissed out thinking about how grateful I am for changing my own life and how strong I have become that I actually cry happy tears. I feel like you will resonate with this message. Onwards and upwards sister.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/01/21 06:40 AM
113

Finding and implementing FDS changes your life. Definitely for the better, but there are major growing pains. Letting go of unhealthy friendships has been harder than learning to drop a man at the first red flag. Men are easier to walk away from because you're not invested. There's a major time sunk cost fallacy in leaving toxic friendships behind. As women we want to see the best in people. Unfortunately sometimes we are projecting our good traits onto friends like we used to do with men. It's …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/01/21 05:50 AM
14

You nailed it. I just became filled with rage this is exactly what I went through with my ex. He would act like I was lazy for having a messy car or never getting my laundry put away because I was constantly doing the work of the entire household. But he mowed the lawn and took out the trash so he was doing his fair share 🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/01/21 12:45 AM
8

We need to normalize this. Stop being polite and just walk away.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/21 04:51 PM
12

You should do a post about this. Former "fundie" pastor's daughter here and you hit all the nails on the head. Women who went through this upbringing and got out are people that badly need FDS. I'm still deprogramming myself over a decade later.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/21 04:44 PM
81

This was a great read, thank you!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/01/21 08:39 PM
10

I'll add some positivity here since I do have a lovely charm bracelet I got from my grandmother. She is an incredibly high value woman. She struggled early in life because she got pregnant at 16 and had difficulties with my grandfather (Korean war veteran with PTSD). Not going to get into all of the issues there but suffice to say they divorced and she did what she needed to do to take care of her three kids. She ran beauty salons out of any location she could afford and was also an organist and…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/01/21 06:22 PM
23

He punched two holes in the wall while screaming at me. If a man does physical destruction in anger your physical body is next. This is not a matter of if, but when. If you're in a relationship and you see this happen, make your plan and get out ASAP. If he has done this in the past and slips and tells you about it, red flag, RUN! I wish it hadn't taken that extreme to get me to recognize that he hated me. But he really did. He only wanted me for the privileges attached to having me. He did ever…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/01/21 02:35 AM
71

When I worked with people with intellectual disabilities we were taught this as well. You say this person has a disability rather than saying they are a disabled person. You say that someone has blindness not that they are blind. Being blind is not the only thing about the person, everyone is complex and multi faceted. One word labels like that are harmful.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/21 02:55 PM
4

Thank you so much. I am definitely going to look into this and will report back how it went.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/21 04:18 AM
18

You hit every point I wanted to make. I had an "evaluation" by the prescriber in my therapist's practice because it seemed like medication was becoming necessary for my depression. The prescriber was a nurse practitioner with a some psych license. Ordinarily I wouldn't hate on that. But this woman tried to diagnose me as bipolar after one meeting, not reading my therapist's notes and neglecting the things I told her that made it very clear I was in an abusive relationship. Then tried to shame me…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/01/21 12:58 PM
19

The real tea ☝️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/01/21 12:23 PM
2

Either way I hope he gets therapy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/21 05:20 PM
6

I've always said relationships are a transaction and you're selling yourself whether you fucking want it or not, so be wise with what you are giving and getting in return. But she refused to see that. I hope you get some therapy for this mindset, it is absolutely a result of watching your mom's relationships. Your post will probably be reported, but mods may take pity and keep it up, but that is doubtful. Get help for your trauma and go to the subs we support for men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/21 05:01 PM
185

It will be two years since I left the NVM in March and I still say ugh out loud sometimes when I remember the shit I used to do for him. Onwards and upwards.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/01/21 06:22 PM
1

The visual is truly stunning. I have a very vivid picture of what she's talking about 😆
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/01/21 07:19 AM
23

I appreciate you sharing this. I am 33 and was concerned I'm getting too old to still want kids the traditional way. Gonna keep living my best life and not worry about it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/21 07:47 PM
7

Sorry in advance this is a long one. But this post spoke to my experience since finding FDS last March and I wanted to share my story. My friends will tell you that I'm a little bit hippie and woo woo. So I'm totally on board already with what you're saying about the power of your words. I too was worried that sometimes the negative confirmation bias here gets to me. So I took the time to write down everything I don't want. And then I wrote down everything that I do want in a partnership and rea…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/01/21 05:50 PM
3

Thank you. I didn't want to be repetitive but I didn't want other survivors thinking we tolerate this attitude. This is a nuanced issue and deserves our proper attention and discussion. Hopefully she gained some insight. But I understand being bitter towards a pick me mother so I wanted to provide empathy with the correction.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/01/21 03:23 AM
2

You're still missing it. But I'm sorry you went through that. Educating women is important and FDS is a wonderful resource. But until the abused women find the strength and resources to leave, it's on men and society for creating and enabling abusers, not the women being abused. Ultimately, you are right that each individual woman needs to change her own situation, but this is not a black and white issue and saying that pick mes create their own victimhood is willfully ignoring all the gray area…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/01/21 12:46 AM
2

I think you are missing the point of the post. Men need to act better. Women should not be held responsible for men's abusive behavior or how they react to it. Unless you've gone through it you have no idea how you will react in that situation. Leaving an abusive man was one of the hardest things I've ever done because of what the OP is taking about. Yes, it was my strength that got me out. But don't hate on the women who haven't found their strength yet. You will never understand what they are …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/21 07:39 PM
46

Pastors, doctors, and lawyers. The trifecta of cheating professional narcissists.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/21 03:49 PM
103

I am 33 and I'm still not entirely comfortable relaxing in my own home, by myself. Society is awful for women. I always feel like I need to be doing something productive or I'm a terrible person.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/21 03:08 AM
10

I hope he was actually grossed out. Asshole? More like fucking legend.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/01/21 02:49 AM
8

It's all about mind set. So glad you are enjoying your singlehood! I go solo hiking at least once a week it's invigorating.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/21 07:35 PM
5

That is a very good point. The audio is very strong so hopefully it will speak to and help convert some ladies that need to hear the message!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/21 07:33 PM
6

FDS is why I got tiktok too 😆 but there are really so many amazing creators on there. I'm inspired daily.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/21 07:32 PM
11

Ooo I just saw that this user wrote that she doesn't love being single, not great, but I like the rest of it. It seems like she's making the best of being single at least.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/21 05:53 PM
2

Vetting takes years
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/21 02:43 AM
12

You are correct. It's definitely a big deal. I meant more so that in the past before I found FDS I was dating LVMs so it wasn't really surprising that I was cheated on. I have vetted very hard to get to the point that I am even in a committed relationship right now. If I got that gut feeling now, I would walk away immediately.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/21 06:19 PM
8

I can't read her username, who is this? I'd like to check out her content and follow.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/21 05:34 AM
24

As women of FDS we should all be on this level. I have assets I need to protect just as any man I might marry should as well. This is just another agreement your partner should be willing to work with you on in preparation for committing to you. It shouldn't be some scary thing to play games or be "coy" about. Get your own attorney ladies and protect your interests.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/21 05:25 AM
43

We're still in the vetting stage but I have zero concerns in this regard. Things to look out for though. I've only been cheated on a few times in my pre FDS days and I always had a gut feeling right away. Good reminder to listen to your instincts ladies.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/21 05:16 AM
180

I just went on my first weekend getaway with my boyfriend. Neither of us have passwords on our phones. He insisted I use his phone the entire drive to play music and he asked me to read him his texts while driving. Fully transparent. I don't see the need to be using each other's phones all the time but it should never be an issue or concern. The trip was AMAZING also ☺️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/21 12:49 AM
3

I am so happy for you Queen! Live your best life!!!! I am an avid journaler too and it has helped me so much. As part of my new years planning this year I've been reflecting on the last year's entries and it is lovely to see how much I have grown and leveled up.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/21 04:23 PM
22

Warms the heart, wow. Thank you for sharing and I wish him a speedy recovery.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/20 06:41 PM
1

Did you read the handbook? Your partner should enjoy making you happy. Money should not be a factor, as you said. If he wanted to make you happy, he would. If he wanted to get you flowers, he would.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/20 06:17 PM
4

I just saw this morning I have audible credits to use and wasn't sure what I wanted to read next. I love this sub, this is exactly the kind of book I would like to read 🥰 thank you for sharing!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/20 07:20 PM
3

I'm definitely no longer concerned with what his motivations or inner thought processes were during the hell that I lived through in that relationship. I spent enough time thinking about that while I was with him. But thank you for the good wishes. I've been following FDS since March and it has been a big factor in the amazing changes I've made in my life. I'm in a healthy relationship now with a man that so far seems to adore me. I've learned my value now and he is exceeding my expectations in …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/20 06:29 PM
3

He made me go on birth control after about three months which always tends to lower my sex drive. By the end though he was using sex to manipulate me by withholding it or forcing it when I didn't want it. With the constant stress, anxiety, and mental fog I just did whatever he wanted and didn't consider my own needs at all. I felt like I existed to serve him and cater to his moods.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/20 05:17 PM
3

I was diagnosed with two chronic illnesses in the final year I was with my narcissistic NVM ex fiance. He made me go on birth control because my sex drive was too high for him which obliviously really messed up all my natural cycles. Since I've left him the majority of the chronic illness symptoms have decreased or stopped entirely but it took over a year.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/20 04:57 PM
48

I'm in a new relationship that is going smoothly. Lots of green flags and him living out "if he wanted to he would". But it's new, and I know I'm still vetting. I keep notes on my phone like the handbook recommends of all these green flags. If things are still going this well in six months, then I will share the beginning of the relationship things. I think sometimes people get tired of the constant stories of the depravity of men. We know the majority suck that's why we're here. So they get ove…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/20 03:21 PM
29

I had this happen in August. There was definitely a connection between he and I. But it got to a point where what I was wanting wasn't happening because of our lifestyle differences. He took me out to lunch, we discussed it (we were both definitely on the same page that it was going to be a break up chat when this lunch was scheduled) we hugged and agreed to remain friendly. Even though we met at my work which is right by his house, he waited two months before coming in while I was working. All …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/20 05:21 PM
8

You should move and stay single. Focus on yourself and learning about what makes you happy. Make friends, travel (if possible) and go on adventures by yourself, pursue your career or education. Become the woman you want to be, then worry about dating. I wish I had this sub's information when I was your age.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/20 05:10 PM
64

Once you have been treated properly there is no going back. I am so happy you get to experience this!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/20 05:00 PM
16

Agreed. When I was doing therapy the love languages were a very useful tool. Everyone has a tendency towards one or two that they use most to show love. In family units this is very good to know about each other to strengthen and deepen those relationships. Your partnership however should include all of the love languages being shown on a consistent basis. Knowing your and your partner's tendency to a specific one is useful for helping them feel loved every single day by enacting that the most. …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/11/20 06:04 PM
22

Love this, thank you for sharing!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/20 01:10 AM
44

Wow relationship goals. You are so blessed.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/11/20 04:18 PM
78

I was thinking the proximity was too much and she left him. Maybe she found his only fans during lockdown?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/11/20 07:31 PM
1

Not supported? Can you share the title so I can Google? Thanks
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/20 07:10 AM
11

Same. This is my favorite thing I've read on the internet today by FAR. Fucking hilarious. I knew there would be gold here but this is just... I am speechless. Funniest tinder story I've ever heard.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/20 04:37 AM
3

You nailed it!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/20 06:43 PM
5

I hate this song and that one about "I want you to be happier" and know that means I'll have to leave. It was true with my ex, I had to get away from him to be happier. But I left because he didn't want to be the one to end it so he made me miserable so that I would leave and he wouldn't have to.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/20 05:39 PM
13

I think I remember you posting before. I am so happy for you, Sis!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/20 02:23 PM
2

Right?!?! Smh
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/11/20 08:44 PM
15

I skipped through to get a feel for it. I know it's satire but wow that was painful. The part where he admits he did some work and got paid for it but he didn't tell her because he didn't want to pay his half of his children's day care. Meanwhile he's not working so why isn't he watching the kids while she's at work? Why is he still living with his mom and not her? And this story line is so common. And women still put up with this BS. Stop. Having. Kids. With. Dusty. Men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/11/20 08:16 PM
2

Well my power went out last night so I ended up playing cards with my family by candle light. Which was a lovely evening. But I'm definitely going to watch it tonight and I'll let you know. But based on the trailer alone I'm pretty sure I'm going to love it!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/11/20 07:50 PM
5

Right all that says is he doesn't care to see his kid?? That's not a good thing! One way or another that's your kid and not being involved in their life is not a good look.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/11/20 05:24 AM
25

I follow dating over thirty and this is a question fairly often of how/when to bring up kids. And you are exactly right. They should be proud to be a father and put it out there up front on their profile.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/11/20 12:22 AM
10

Situations like this are often an overt or subconscious test of your boundaries and willingness to be a second class party in your own relationship. I wish I understood this earlier in life. I was a second class party in my LTRs with the illusion of being respected. Whenever I would assert myself I was degraded so that I would go back to doing whatever they wanted.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/11/20 12:16 AM
119

Same. I'm so worried about this happening here.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/11/20 11:53 PM
6

He opened it saying "I love her so much now". So he didn't love her before and now is going to be given permission to act that out. And literally piss on her. I know this is reddit, I know the bar is in hell but oh my God. Piss in her mouth. Why why why why why why???? How do these people live with themselves? How does he look in the mirror?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/11/20 11:46 PM
3

Oh my gosh I am so excited for this concept to come from a female film maker. We need more accurate portrayals of womens' experiences. Thank you for sharing all of this. I am ordering and watching The Love Witch tonight!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/11/20 11:20 PM
111

Did this for the first time yesterday, wow it was great. Had been texting after connecting through OLD We were having a good chat, things were going well and out of nowhere he says something referring to his son. I said you never mentioned you have a kid? He said you never asked. There's an option to say if you have kids in your profile. The things we were chatting about there were numerous times he could have said oh yes I do xyz with my son, I enjoy spending time with my son, etc etc. Not one …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/11/20 09:33 PM
36

Thank you for sharing this. I felt like my friends and family didn't understand the struggle I had when I left my ex. I felt like I had to rebuild myself completely. It was very validating to read this and feel less alone in my experience.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/10/20 05:50 PM
2

My brothers make all of their daughters wear leggings or shorts under their dresses. On one hand I hate that. But on the other hand we all know how creepy men can be and it is a safety precaution. I also wear shorts under my dresses and have for many years. I hate that we live in a society where I feel the need to do that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/10/20 03:20 PM
2

💀💀💀 Love the biology based burn
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/10/20 03:18 PM
3

Hijacking your comment because I found condoms that work for my super sensitive vagina. Sustain naturals. The are lubricated but their lube is as close to pH neutral as possible. They also make lube that is neutral and have multiple size options and latex free. I had them on a subscription through Grove last year which was very convenient. Although no longer necessary after finding FDS.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/10/20 05:07 PM
13

This is called triangulation. If you haven't yet, you should read "Why Does He Do That" by Lundy Bancroft.
/r/askFDS29/10/20 12:29 AM
18

The title of the article is so cringey. Run, Megan!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/20 03:26 PM
24

“men have more liberty” What a slap in the face! Tell me you used your liberty to kick his ass to the curb.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/20 03:22 PM
13

I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia and narcolepsy in the same six month period the year before I left my ex. They were debilitating back then. Nearly two years out, I still have the conditions but they are actually manageable now that I'm not living with constant stress and adrenaline.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/20 05:47 AM
21

This was great. The last paragraph just nailed it. I wish that an endlessly self sacrificing mother was not the ideal I was raised to emulate. I wish I had known what I was trying to make work by giving more of myself and trying to work harder was futile because it was actually an abusive relationship. That he knew what he was doing, he was stealing my life by refusing to help and acting like it was the end of the world if I tried to rest or get him to do something, ANYTHING that needed to be do…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/20 05:34 AM
4

🤣😆😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/10/20 11:52 PM
39

Never offer. If it's awkward for you keep going on dates, you'll get used to it. I used to feel very awkward when the check would come because I didn't know what to do. Now I just act like its not even there. If they ask to split you do it, you get out of there as quickly (and politely if you're worried about pissing him off and your safety) as possible, and block. That guy will make everything transactional and you will end up resenting him.
/r/askFDS26/10/20 09:58 PM
60

This is poetry. It's an unforgettable metaphor and definitely a life lesson parable that I will be keeping in mind while dating. This is handbook material. Thank you for sharing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/10/20 04:54 AM
60

I love to hear about an HVM holding other men accountable. We need a thread on this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/10/20 04:07 PM
4

I am very confused as well.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/10/20 05:19 PM
93

BOOM
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/10/20 05:04 PM
2

It's a vibe. I bet there's more intelligent species that have similar responses. I'm on a research mission now.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/10/20 05:03 PM
12

Same here, I wanted to finish it but I couldn't. Didn't help that my ex has similar looks to Penn.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/10/20 07:21 AM
13

I fully agree with the abusive asshole thing. I started "A Handbook for New Stoics" today and my first takeaway from the intro is that there is no point in learning stoicism if you're not going to use it to actively improve your character. Guess the abusive assholes missed that logic behind the school of thought 🤷‍♀️ typical.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/10/20 10:53 PM
3

I was hoping this was a joke. My God. I can't. I just can't.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/10/20 01:15 AM
37

Don't play house. It was a hard lesson I've learned. At least if you're legally married there are some protections, otherwise never "invest" in a man in this way. He should be investing in you and your future together. Especially like it sounds in OP's situation that he makes more money. This will sound vindictive but I wish I had taken that godforsaken couch we argued about so much and told him I was keeping it and then burned that shit on the front lawn. Hindsight is 20/20 though.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/10/20 04:04 PM
2

Sorry- no shade if you love it and it works for you!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/10/20 05:47 AM
138

It's been a while since I've seen this but wow did it cause flashbacks. All the times I cried silently while doing the dishes, even though I had worked all day, came home and cooked the dinner and he was at home laid off playing video games all day. But he still managed to make me feel like I wasn't doing enough. Thank you God I'm not there anymore and will never tolerate that again. This scene was a great reminder to be willing to walk away at the first red flag so you don't end up trapped in a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/10/20 02:44 AM
9

I'm so sorry but yeah it took me a minute too. So gross.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/10/20 10:12 PM
22

He saved up his cum all week 😖
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/10/20 09:11 PM
28

Yes! It gave me back carbs. My friends doing keto are miserable and I'm just slowly but steadily reaching my goals while still being able to eat pizza and pasta when I want.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/10/20 08:05 PM
69

Obviously this meme is also gross because she's offering to split the check too 😆
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/10/20 08:03 PM
15

I'm in a shitty situation this week due to a covid exposure. Looking back at past relationships, I never truly had this with any man I was with, so I guess I miss the concept of having a person to rely on. I'm in my thirties. My parents have their own issues, most friends are married or coupled up. I wish I had someone that I lived with that I could really rely on, to turn to when life is hard. To give me a hug and know that even if they can't solve my problem they are there to comfort me. My pe…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/10/20 07:49 PM
3

I have a lot of hippie friends that love the idea but the timing isn't right for them right now. Things will work out they way they're meant to. But the not waiting for others is solid advice! I do lots of little solo adventures that I cherish, unfortunately this is one adventure I can't do alone.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/10/20 07:30 PM
3

Thank you, I will look into it! I'm hoping to find someone I know in real life that also wants to do it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/10/20 05:47 PM
2

Book first, then movie. I love Reese, she did an amazing job acting that movie. But they took a lot of liberties with the script and left out some things that I thought were really important to understanding her story.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/10/20 04:46 PM
6

I don't want to give her channel views. Summary?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/10/20 02:50 AM
14

Wild by Cheryl Strayed It's really sad that is the world we live in. We can't have peace, not even in the wilderness.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/10/20 02:08 AM
5

Thank you! I've decided that if it's meant to happen I'll come across the right trail buddy. If not I've got other goals I'm working towards. I'm still going to try to enjoy as much solitude in nature as I can even if it's not extended hiking.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/10/20 12:27 AM
14

I was hoping to do the AT this coming spring but I just can't do it alone. It's so frustrating.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/10/20 10:38 PM
54

She actually hiked the Pacific Crest Trail. That was a great book and movie though. I wish I could feel safe enough to do something like that solo. Cheryl Strayed was a very brave woman. She hiked the trail in order to overcome her addiction despite all the risks of going alone as a woman. What she describes in the book is a bit different than how the movie portrays it but she did have a moment where she was fearful of being raped on the trail. As the someone says in the article, men just get to…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/10/20 10:35 PM
2

Saving this post for all the reading list recommendations and extracurricular activities of people I need to look into. Love this Queens ❤️❤️❤️👑
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/10/20 02:39 AM
107

This reminds me of Mean Girls... "But you're, like, really pretty" "Thank you" "So you agree?" Except when you downplay the compliment, an LVM will see this as low self esteem and make a subconscious mental note to use this against you in the future.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/10/20 04:40 AM
8

Same!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/10/20 01:55 AM
16

I work evenings and nights so when I am home to be able to do laundry and chores and such I listen to audio books too. That way I can educate or entertain myself while getting done what needs done in my small amount of free time. I love audible, what a game changer.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/10/20 01:40 AM
206

In what world is making breakfast returning the favor for a morning blow job!?!?!?!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/10/20 08:08 AM
18

Is this a man? That opening line really makes me think it is. ETA username too
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/10/20 09:38 PM
6

Just a reminder you should read the ENTIRE handbook. Also the narcissistic abuse sub could be helpful to you in dealing with the fallout of this particular relationship.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/10/20 09:15 PM
2

This is great advice! I should have expanded but that's a lot of what the book Cats Don't Chase Dogs is about. Also... I definitely love flirting at work it's how I make my money lol. If he wants to make a move he will, I will let him know the door is open without overdoing it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/10/20 11:11 PM
9

That's why I come here to read every day. Keep myself in check. I just finished Cats Don't Chase Dogs. It's very FDS with a few exceptions, but those are probably just there in order to not alienate women who are new to the concepts.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/10/20 05:45 PM
11

I needed this reminder today. I have a crush and I know I need to keep it in check and just see what happens. It's a customer so if he does ask me out I think it will be quite a while because he is a very respectful person and realizes I get hit on constantly at work. I'm just going to keep doing my job and being my sweet self and living my best life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/10/20 04:48 PM
4

I look forward to the day I don't think about him. It's been a year and half since I left and I just woke up from a nightmare about him yesterday.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/10/20 03:11 AM
1

I'll bring it up again to my friend. I don't even have this girl's number so I can only do so much.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/10/20 12:18 PM
6

Can we not. That term makes me think of rape every time I see it. I loved the book and this term has its place in our discourse but I don't want it being used as frequently as pick me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/10/20 05:26 AM
3

Ugh so true and so gross
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/10/20 04:34 AM
15

She's closer to my friend that threw the party and we've discussed how to help her. I suggested that I could buy the books Women Who Love Too Much and Why Does He Do That? And find a way to get them to her but she said he would notice them. I just hate the thought of her bringing a child into that house.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/10/20 04:34 AM
76

I was at a socially distanced all female party (yes it was amazing) over the weekend. I overhead an acquaintance telling a story about her alcoholic LVM. Their whole situation is awful, she's forever gf, trying to get pregnant to solidify the relationship (she knows his mom will make him propose if she's pregnant). Anyway he asked her the other day if she ever washes their towels. They've been living together for five years. This means he thinks it was acceptable to not wash towels for FIVE YEAR…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/10/20 02:03 AM
100

This was an attempt at trauma bonding. Classic narcissistic move to get you to feel bad and show empathy for him. Whether or not it's true, that's not appropriate to discuss with a potential partner early on. Anyone that does should get an immediate block. Also that age difference is a red flag too. Block and delete sis. ETA OP I saw you replied to my comment but now it's gone. Read the handbook. You're still in your mid twenties and things change so much for most people by the time they're 30 t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/20 01:24 AM
189

She's pregnant! Buy her a chair of her own if her wanting to relax comfortably while carrying your unborn child inside of her body is such an inconvenience to you. Smdh I can't even believe this nonsense.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 11:46 PM
18

I tried to find the original post because this is an FDS rescue mission. Couldn't find it though.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 08:46 PM
6

Audible is the only reason I was able to make it through this book.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 06:44 PM
93

This is exactly what I was thinking too. I was raised very religious. I remember a girl at church camp telling me that it was ok that she and her boyfriend were having sex because they were married already in their hearts at 16.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 06:21 PM
1

I've never been a mod but I'd be willing to try.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/20 07:35 PM
48

Truly horrific. 💀💀💀 Pumpkin carving contest champion, I'm sure.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/20 08:42 AM
27

Purity, virginity, piety, to me, these concepts were all created by the patriarchy to shame and control women. I'd like them to be killed. I realize that might not be what you were going for but I like it regardless because of what came to mind for me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/20 11:49 PM
16

I just saved this text and put in my notes to remind myself to block and delete when these red flags in the early stages pop up. Thank you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/20 11:46 PM
44

This was great!!!! 👑👑👑 Love your username btw, OP.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/20 11:22 PM
11

Same. I really love the reframing of being single from not having found your person into a good thing because it means you're not settling for someone who isn't your person.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/20 03:35 PM
20

Regardless of your feelings and how much you think you want him you are settling with this man. He continues to engage with you because it's convenient. Read the handbook. You're chasing him and it's not going to get you what you want, be that him, or an actual HVM. Also don't forget, if he wanted to, he would. If he wanted to actually be in a committed and loving relationship/partnership with you, he would. But he's not after what, 3 years? He's just not that into you. It's just that simple. Cu…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/20 04:52 AM
9

I'm so happy for you Queen 👑
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/09/20 02:09 AM
10

That’s the thing about liberal feminism....it isn’t feminism. It isn’t progressive. It’s the status quo wrapped in a bow. The kind of poetry I'm here for Queen 👑👏👏👏👏
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/09/20 07:39 PM
1

I'm sorry you're going through this, it's so hard. And it takes time. Give yourself grace. It gets better with time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/09/20 06:22 AM
8

You're not ☹️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/20 09:28 PM
42

Said by someone who presumably has access to the internet and their own phone. The 1% (if even that) of lib fem "sex worker" who in actuality cares nothing for the actual women being sex trafficked all over the world. What they are doing consensually is multiple times per day rape for countless women's entire lives. This is infuriating.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/20 07:38 PM
3

I resonate so much with this. I am also very tired. I had this reciprocal love with my high school sweetheart. But we were young and it wasn't the right time. I'm glad I was able to experience it at least once in my life. Being guarded and protective of my sweet self while dating is difficult. So far I haven't really been able to get to that part of me with any man I've dated in the last two years. Then I worry well if I had been my truest self and put all my love out there maybe it would've wor…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/20 06:04 PM
9

This is a beautiful story, thank you for sharing. And thank you for saving your meow son, and for introducing me to this adorable phrase.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/20 05:50 PM
4

I do something similar. My ex loved to help amplify my insecurities about my body to the point that I didn't even want to see myself naked. As I'm working on my self love and self care, I've started to apply body lotion in a full length mirror everyday and I compliment myself. I'm moisturized and growing in my self love.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/20 05:34 PM
30

THIS Oh if I knew this in my early twenties. Mirroring is something I fell for a lot too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/09/20 12:44 AM
1

Thank you for sharing it!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/09/20 11:34 PM
4

I'm so here for this!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/09/20 11:32 PM
2

Any youtube channels you would recommend on this topic?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/09/20 11:28 PM
8

And I think the majority of men look at these types of men and think “well, I don’t beat my wife to a bloody pulp so I’m not an abuser” and it lets them wipe their hands clean of their own actions. Then, when the women in their life claim to be hurt by their actions, they can be “offended” at the accusation because, by their own logic, they aren’t beating their wives so anyone who calls them an abuser is crazy. This is what makes it so hard for survivors of emotional abuse to get the support the…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/09/20 11:22 PM
8

This is a great way to put it. We say we're a recovering pick me, like an addict, which is another form of self abuse.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/09/20 10:36 PM
10

I second this! I only made it halfway because he was stuttering and checking his paper so much. He also appears to be on a ferry in the back of his car to film???
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/09/20 06:46 AM
13

Spoiler alert: I'm at about the same spot. I struggled with her only leaving her husband because she fell in love with someone else. It was radical and life affirming for her because it was a woman and she had always wondered about her bisexuality. But she really should've fought for herself and left that marriage single and rebuilt her life on her own. I hope she has found true and lasting love and it's really an actual love at first sight thing. It's just unsettling, it seems like she tends to…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/09/20 06:30 AM
10

This is the type of quality posting I am here for. Excellent 👑
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/09/20 08:06 AM
9

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ I miss having a bath tub. Goals.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/09/20 07:29 PM
2

I am interested. I read our sub daily and comment when I feel it is appropriate. I would enjoy another sub with our values to participate in.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/09/20 09:37 AM
9

I'm curious the ages of the women agreeing with OP. I'm in my early thirties and this was never an issue with any of my LTRs. They were all one to six years older than me. In that age bracket, growing up porn was not at all readily available. I feel like they have more realistic expectations about women naked, not expecting a fully shaved pussy every day, etc. Even still, younger guys I've been with pre FDS when I was still participating in hook up culture and had multiple FWBs, all ate pussy, k…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/09/20 11:46 PM
1

Thank you for sharing your experience! I have been using OLD on and off for two years. The weeding out process is tedious but I have found it to be worthwhile as long as I am selective and vet properly before meeting someone. I, like most people check my phone periodically throughout my day. I check my apps when I do. I feel like people are worried about wasting time on it. I'd rather spend a few minutes a day to have access to so many different men that are outside of my social circle than wast…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/09/20 06:54 PM
2

I'm a little over halfway through and I'm loving it. If you have kids or are thinking about having kids it has so many helpful insights into raising feminist children. So much good stuff in it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/09/20 02:57 AM
50

This is from Glennon Doyle's Untamed. I actually just got to this chapter yesterday. A few FDS ladies recommended it recently which is why I decided to read it. She was religious and Christian, not sure how she identifies now. But for context she was talking to a friend who was worried her young son was watching porn. I think this advice was highly appropriate. Your friend's bf's comment is weird. Why does he take issue with the Christianity aspect? Why is he worried about hypothetical people ne…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/09/20 08:42 PM
10

I'm done. Tell me that's fake. 🤮🤮🤮
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/09/20 07:51 PM
17

I relate so hard to this. Two exes of mine pulled the "who sings this song? ... Well let them sing it" bullshit when I was singing along in the car. I'm not Mariah Carey but I sing well. I realized how shitty this was, singing gives me joy. Even if you don't enjoy someone's singing if it's making them happy you should be happy for them. Fuck people stealing my joy. I won't tolerate that ever again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/09/20 06:09 PM
12

I matched with a very hot guy on Facebook dating. Three messages in he sends his phone number. I say I usually like to get to know someone for a while before exchanging numbers. He said "oh come on". Old pick me would've tried to convince him why this matters. I'm done with that nonsense.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/09/20 05:48 PM
0

Why are you paying for tinder as a woman? Answer that and I'll consider giving advice. I'm not convinced you're not a troll.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/09/20 06:55 AM
5

I commented on a similar post a week or so ago. Yes OLD can be a cesspool. Just like bars and the world in general. It doesn't matter how you meet a man, what matters is how you vet him. Ladies that need to utilize OLD because of whatever reason, please do not feel disheartened. Yes the weeding out process will be tough, but objectively it's easier to dismiss a loser you chatted with on an app than one a well-intentioned friend set you up with. Let's stop giving this blanket advice. Focus on you…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/09/20 05:51 PM
10

This is a pink flag with a guy I've been seeing. But the dog isn't a year old yet and is still learning and I've only been around him with her once. My dog was unruly until she was almost four and I was incredibly consistent in her training. I'm going to wait and see. A guy I dated last summer - I wish I had thought more about this back then - he was so shitty with his dog. We went to the beach and he let her off leash and didn't pay any attention to her while I was setting up our tent and then …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/09/20 09:04 AM
30

I did this when I left my ex! When we closed the last bank account we shared I took my part of the money and bought myself a right hand ring. It is gorgeous and exactly to my taste. I get compliments on it all the time. Since implementing FDS I get myself flowers or something else I like every time I have to remove a guy from the vetting process. Because "break ups" tend to be a bit more frequent for me now haha I can't buy myself a new ring every time a guy turns out to be LVM. Goals though unt…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/09/20 02:04 AM
3

It will be hard but it's worth it. If I had read this at 16 I would be in a much different place in my life now. But I'm glad that I have the knowledge now.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/09/20 08:03 PM
28

Gold 👑
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/09/20 06:00 AM
37

I just finished this book today. It took me three months because there were so many difficult realizations. I really agree that every woman should read this book.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/09/20 05:00 AM
1

Listen, I understand the historical aspect, taking things with a grain of salt and applying my own thought process in interpretations. Thank you so much for these recommendations. I realize there will be some things that are not in line with our values but that is normal in the present day too. I want to experience these movies and come away with the gems while leaving the blunders in history. I can't wait to see all the amazing looks in these films.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/08/20 07:49 AM
6

Yes! Same. Eat your veggies and take care of yourself if you want to be in my life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/08/20 07:45 AM
8

The bar was in hell but I've finally raised it and surprisingly (to me anyway) the men I date are rising to the occasion. Higher standards actually promotes higher value. I love how that is working for me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/08/20 07:44 AM
113

I used to get excited that a guy ate vegetables. I have far higher standards now, thank you therapy and FDS.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/08/20 05:31 PM
6

Can you give me some movie recommendations? I love the fashion from this era as well but I never really got into watching the movies. I think getting into some classics would be fun for the winter.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/08/20 04:08 PM
6

That was adorable.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/08/20 03:58 PM
26

You have valid points in here. But - OLD can be a useful tool when you don't have the time to meet someone the old fashioned way or you live in a small town and want to branch it of your social circle. The vetting process is actually a bit easier when you have zero reason to feel bad for rejecting a guy. I do agree the trolling of men that are clearly LV is a waste of our sister's precious time. To each their own. Safety is always a concern but I trust that the women of FDS are smart in their us…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/08/20 03:56 PM
2

Thank you. When the world is less risky I know there are more events I could attend to pursue this further in my area. But for now I'll keep an eye open on OLD.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/08/20 04:35 PM
6

This was great, thank you for sharing. I'd be interested to know how you are exclusively finding these men from other cultures that were naturalized in North America? I'm sure there are plenty of men that would meet this criteria in my city but I don't know how I would go about finding them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/08/20 03:49 PM
3

Thank you so much! This comment means a lot to me. I would like to write a book and I write daily. This gives me hope that people will relate to and enjoy what I'm writing. ❤️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/08/20 06:10 AM
8

Oof yes. I had enough of that to last a lifetime with my ex. Never again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/08/20 11:34 PM
12

Right, what a terrible way to start your life together.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/08/20 08:36 PM
49

Also the creepy garter thing and tossing the bouquet. I want none of those things.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/08/20 06:52 PM
17

Have you met my ex before? Haha yes, you are spot on. I was so selfless in that relationship. I'm so thankful I finally woke up and realized I deserved better.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/08/20 06:12 PM
36

An ex of mine said he would do this even if we were married. And it still took me six more months to dump his ass 🤦‍♀️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/08/20 06:10 PM
5

Talk openly and honestly with someone you trust (or on here) about the red flags. And the orange or pink ones.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/08/20 06:09 PM
12

Me too! I could go on and on about how happy I am for her. She's younger than me but I very much look up to her and consider them couple goals.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/08/20 05:57 PM
14

I'm American, I don't know if it's done elsewhere. But probably not 🤦‍♀️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/08/20 05:56 PM
2

This is beautiful! My friend and I talk about guarding our hearts while vetting and this analogy goes so well with that. Thank you for sharing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/08/20 05:10 PM
5

Agreed! There is a problematic line in it being catty to other women but I love Go to Town.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/08/20 04:54 PM
4

I literally just did this for myself today! Love this energy Queen 👑
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/08/20 07:11 AM
5

Yes yes yes yes yes yes yes!!!!! Turn those tables, Queen!!!! I am so happy for you I can't even imagine how validating this is!!!!!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/08/20 04:32 AM
37

I'm ashamed to get this ... But it's the LAST line of cocaine. Far more valuable culturally to the addicted LvM/LvW. He is truly making a gesture with this act. /s
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/08/20 01:18 PM
2

I don't know if this was before the scandal or not but in my teens I was in a sector of the boy scouts called Venture Crew. It was for high school aged boys and girls. We did amazing trips to go rock climbing, learn archery and skeet shooting, learned gun safety and then got to use shooting ranges, learned survival and backpacking skills, and so so so much more. I really treasure those memories. I know I was very lucky to have diligent and good hearted troop leaders. I am also a life long girl s…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/08/20 05:27 AM
4

Same - this is handbook material.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/08/20 06:54 AM
63

In the nursery... The NURSERY What the fuck
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/08/20 01:29 AM
14

TRUTH 👏
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/08/20 06:12 AM
77

I gagged several times reading this 🤮🤮🤮
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/08/20 07:04 PM
10

It's educational, not something to idealize. Honestly there could be classes taught on this book and everyone would have their own personal takeaway. But as someone else said, the cool girl monologue is so culturally relevant and defines a modern pick me. A pick me driven to revenge is not only entertaining, it's somewhat satisfying to watch her systematically destroy him. The ending was not so satisfying, I hated seeing her go back and Ben Affleck gain the audience's sympathy, but otherwise it'…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/08/20 04:38 PM
28

I have a boss that pulls this nonsense. It's so gross and creepy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/08/20 04:32 PM
48

And it is SO CLEAR she CoMmUnIcAteD the expectation that he would pack his own shit. The fact that that she even needed to set this expectation for her HUSBAND is absurd.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/08/20 03:48 AM
3

I was proposed to at my 30th birthday dinner. This would be so much worse.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/08/20 10:57 AM
4

In this case, I'd follow the advice of The Rules book. Break up, block his number, social media, everything and start dating again immediately. It seems you think that there is nothing else out there for you. Perhaps some external validation of a dating app and seeing how fast you rack up matches will help you realize that dick is abundant and low value. Don't get yourself into another shitty situation but use this to recognize that you can find someone else, and easily. You deserve far better. …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/08/20 10:12 AM
5

My ex did this with GOT. I still haven't finished it. I can totally relate to that anger.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/08/20 05:58 PM
3

Glad to help! I have super vivid dreams every night and I know how unsettling the ex ones were to wake up from.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/08/20 05:45 PM
3

Therapy helped me. I also had nightmares of my ex, frequently when I still had to deal with him on a regular basis. They've been far less frequent but I find i will have them when I'm dealing with something in my current life that makes me feel unsafe or reminds me of past abuse. Even though your ex obviously can't hurt you now, there might be something going on for you that is bringing up your old fears. Your subconscious wants you to address it so that you don't get yourself into the same situ…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/08/20 05:32 PM
2

You're not alone, we're all here for each other! When I first left my ex the Narcissistic abuse sub and all its recommended resources were super helpful to me. It really validated my experiences with emotional abuse and made me know for sure I was not crazy, that I had been abused and it was not ok, and that I did the right thing by leaving. In the early stages it could be helpful to you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/08/20 04:17 AM
7

I had a post blow up while I was at work yesterday so I had a bunch of notifications of comments on my phone. I could only see the first bit but there were a few angry men. One said something to the effect of this sub teaches women to devalue men. I clicked on it but it seemed to have been swiftly removed by the mods. Highly emotional men projecting their bullshit on us. Fuck that noise.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/08/20 04:06 AM
2

This is amazing. Thank you for sharing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/08/20 09:01 AM
8

How did that one meme go? Are you intimidating or are they intimidated? Keep leveling up Queen. An HVM won't be intimidated by your unique strengths. He will celebrate them. Narrowing the pool is not a bad thing (dick is abundant and low value).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/08/20 07:55 AM
2

Yes!!! I'm so glad you got away! Onward and upwards!!!! 👑
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/08/20 07:21 AM
2

I'm so glad you have realized this. So many people downplay their experiences because "it could've been worse". Well yeah, it could have but that doesn't make it less valid of a trauma. You wouldn't say you can't be happy if someone else is happier than you. I'm sorry you went through this. It sounds like you have some good perspective on the past now. Sending you love on your healing journey ❤️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/08/20 07:20 AM
2

Wow. The fact that he had to ask his friend means he knew it was wrong. The mental gymnastics required...smh. I'm so sorry you went through this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/08/20 07:17 AM
3

Wow this is so well put, thank you so much. Let's hope our movement inspires change so that more men start to empathize with us.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/08/20 07:16 AM
2

Fully agree ladies let's bump this book recommendation to the top comments for this post.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/08/20 07:12 AM
2

TRUTH. I dealt with so much projection on top of the gaslighting. The one that got to me the most was him calling me lazy when it was really him. I still have a hard time allowing myself to just relax around the house. I always felt like I had to be busy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/08/20 07:11 AM
2

Lying by omission is so gross
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/08/20 07:09 AM
5

Oh sis I feel for you. I could've written the part about being told I was too much and my standards were too high. My ex would tell me that what I wanted didn't exist in a man. One of the last things he said to me when I was walking out the door was " I hope you don't end up with someone who beats and rapes you" Somehow he thought coercive rape and only physically intimidating me made him so much better than other men. It's been two years since I left him and I am in a whole other world now, my …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/08/20 07:09 AM
9

You did the best you could at the time with the knowledge you had at that time. I had a lot of unhealthy coping mechanisms when I was with my Narcissistic ex. Now I know better so I do better. I'll never tolerate that shit again. I feel bad for the old me not knowing her worth. Like treesbark said, you should have compassion for your old self.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/08/20 10:10 PM
104

Our society needs to do better at calling out emotional abusers as well as physical abusers. My ex got zero scrutiny for the way he treated me because he punched a wall and not my face. But I was seen as the one that threw it all away rather than being justified in walking away. The narrative needs to change. I know I did the right thing and women who have been through it get it. I just wish people could understand and give support or hold men accountable without having to go through it themselv…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/08/20 03:54 PM
11

I've never heard this one it definitely made me chuckle 😆
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/08/20 02:51 PM
4

Ugh bread crumbing is the worst and unfortunately very effective form of intermittent reinforcement. I've learned so much since my narcissistic ex but it's still hard to apply what you learn. This community is so great for when I'm doubting myself or boundaries I've set. I come here and read for a bit and remember my crown. PS thanks for sharing, this one hit me hard tonight, I needed it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/08/20 05:29 AM
5

Yes queen!!!!! I'm here for this mindset!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/08/20 05:08 AM
11

I've been listening to the book Attached on audible. I have an insecure attachment style, it sucks but awareness is important. So in working through this knowledge I'm now asking myself, is this actual chemistry and feelings or is this guy triggering my attachment system? This is working wonders for me. I also journal my dates and review for patterns.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/08/20 04:59 AM
10

Yikes
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/08/20 04:47 AM
24

You're allowed not to want a partner who does drugs. This. Also if you're not in a legal state this could cause you to have a record. Not a good look at any age but you're so young, don't chain yourself to this loser with no regard for his or your future.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/08/20 04:46 AM
61

Good vibes only FFS I'm a hippie too but seriously Looking for friends is probably the most infuriating.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/08/20 04:44 AM
53

My ex made similar comments when I went on a family trip. My choices to sleep were floor or in a queen bed with my sister. Obviously I went with the bed option. I'm the youngest of five, we've been sharing beds on trips like this my entire life. I was shocked when he told me he thought it was weird.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/20 04:20 PM
8

🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/20 04:07 AM
22

Men will infiltrate and abuse it. This has been suggested many times on the narcissistic abuse sub to try to protect women from narcs and that was always the answer given by mods. It's a great idea in theory but the application would fall short.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/08/20 03:13 PM
1

Taurus here - two of my closest friends are also Taurus and we get along amazingly. We understand each other so well, we're always in sync and on the same page. I haven't dated another Taurus man though because I can just see us butting heads if we disagreed. LTR with a cancer man and OMG the mommy issue bull shit was off the charts.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/20 10:42 PM
2

Your questioning points are valid I'd like to hear a response from an FFS strategist.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/20 09:01 AM
6

Yikes -read the handbook.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/07/20 03:33 AM
2

You're right. I wish we could to a point where straight men could enjoy receiving flowers just as much as women but we're not there yet in this culture/society. I'm gonna send a card to his house.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/07/20 04:12 PM
2

There isn't sadly, I ended up ordering a hard copy for this reason. Worth it though!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/07/20 07:14 AM
3

Oh Lord I read this one and I couldn't even. Fortunately the comments weren't atrocious.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/07/20 06:23 AM
7

I agree with the hassle of flowers at the funeral, especially for a man who isn't used to dealing with them. I didn't even think of a card. I wasn't allowed to give my last ex cards so I probably just blocked that idea out. But I think that is the perfect in between of what I was trying to go for. It shows that I care but isn't going to interfere with his family or grieving process in any way. Thank you! (Love your username btw 😊)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/07/20 12:58 PM
2

I'm curious as well why no to sending a man flowers for sympathy? I was thinking a peace lily. But I fully agree with not sending to the funeral after all the discussion here it made me think of the flower process at my grandmother's funeral. Everyone took the flowers that were sent by their people. I wouldn't want him to have to have that conversation if he didn't want to.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/07/20 12:53 PM
4

Those are some great friends, I'm sorry to hear about your grandfather being in the hospital. The food isn't really needed in this scenario. He does very well and will just order whatever he wants whenever and he's not stuck in one place. If he were having to go back and forth to the hospital or something and we were further into dating I could see it. Sending food is a bit too comfortable already.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/07/20 04:56 AM
11

Depending what family member is in charge of flowers it could be an awkward conversation for him if he doesn't want to discuss his dating life at a funeral or go entirely unnoticed because no one knows who I am. Funeral etiquette is a lot of nuances.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/07/20 04:09 AM
4

That's a very good point. Send them regardless because that's how I roll and would be nice if more people in the world did too. But do I send them to the funeral or just to him?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/07/20 04:06 AM
7

Thank you! But yes, this... If you send flowers and he ends up being HV it might be worth it. If you send flowers and he is LV you're opening yourself up to being taken advantage of in other ways. Is what I'm questioning. It's way too early to say he's HV. So far, he's great and things are going very well, which is why I think a gesture is appropriate. If it keeps going well I will regret not sending them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/07/20 04:02 AM
6

This is cliche and no one likes to hear it when they like someone and need to move on, but there are plenty of fish in the sea. Having a sexual encounter with close relative removes this guy from your dating pool. Pick a different pond. Good luck.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/07/20 03:33 AM
3

Ooof my ex's former best friend tried to tell me so many times. Unfortunately that guy was a terrible player back then and was constantly cheating on his own long term gf so I took everything he said with a grain of salt. He was telling the truth though.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/07/20 02:26 AM
10

Girl, no. When you say seen him in an intimate setting.... You've in some way interacted with his penis I'm guessing? This is a hard no. It wasn't a date that ended in no physical contact and no follow up - you fooled around with his BROTHER. Even if it was just a kiss I'd still probably say no. You can explain it to him if you like because you've hit it off but you are completely justified in ghosting immediately because of learning this fact. However you want to handle it is up to you but DO N…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/07/20 02:13 AM
44

Omg I relate way too hard to this. Where I would be if I hadn't invested so much in losers ugh. Better and better moving forward.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/07/20 07:01 PM
19

YES!!! One of my exes came into my work and someone was telling me what a great guy he is and wanting to know why it didn't work out between us. Um because he expected me to be his therapist for a traumatic experience that happened five years ago. That's literally the number one reason - I said this isn't working for me and I ghosted his ass.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/07/20 03:55 AM
40

YES 👏 QUEEN 👑 way to cut him loose!!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/07/20 07:02 PM
4

Fully agree with you, especially with the jogging trails. Just wanted to present options and considerations. It's always preferable to not be close enough to need self defense of any form. Ladies never feel bad for running away-being rude is better than being dead.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/07/20 11:43 PM
6

This needs more up votes, great product. However another person commented about pepper spray which is great to have too. Ideally you're spraying before they can get close enough for you to stab them. But as a last resort, stab!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/07/20 10:12 PM
2

Haha will do. I tend to take all these books with a grain of salt. Even if there's some backwards stuff in it (this book is relatively old) there's probably some wisdom in line with FDS ideals. Reading things critically and applying the advice judiciously is important with these kinds of self help books.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/07/20 04:07 PM
2

Sorry I realize that, those additional terms will help me search, thank you. I love water, I always tell people if there's water I wanna get in. So this term just spoke to me as soon as I read it. Thank you again for sharing it and the extra info.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/07/20 04:05 PM
4

I just got this off Amazon but I haven't started it yet because I'm reading why men love bitches. Hopefully I made the right pick for which one to read first!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/07/20 03:33 AM
55

Anyone I go out with has to enjoy both a wide variety of cuisines and pussy. No exceptions. I refuse to give Reddit money but 👑 Queen you deserve an award for stating these facts 🏆🏆🏆🏆🏆
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/07/20 03:23 AM
3

Can you please tell me the word for water of the heart? This is beautiful and I've never heard of it before.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/07/20 03:03 AM
3

Why not? I may not have a lot of faith in other people but I believe in myself. I want a partner to share my life with and I know that will happen because I deserve it. Since I found FDS the quality of men I see and interact with just keeps getting better and better. I know we get down on here about how the majority of men are LVM. Just because the HVM are rare that doesn't mean you won't find one. Decide what qualities you want in a partner and think about that daily, write it down until you be…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/07/20 02:40 AM
5

What about working on a golden girls type living arrangement? Or at least making friends that you love enough that when their husbands inevitably die before them you could all live together?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/07/20 01:54 AM
38

Sis, same 👑👑👑
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/07/20 05:29 PM
3

He's divorced, no kids. I did a very long LTR that involved buying a house and leaving felt like a divorce without any of the legal protections. I also do not have kids and I'm on the fence about them anyway. I've decided to not even worry about that decision until I'm back from my trip though.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/07/20 02:00 PM
3

So I'm seeing someone that is 49 and I'm 33. He was very concerned about the age gap but we kept running into each other and the chemistry was off the charts. I would've guessed he was 40 and he has more energy than some men my age. I wasn't looking for anything serious and I have a big trip planned next spring that I'll be gone at least six months. It's not necessarily an expiration date but it sets an expectation of just enjoying what's going on right now and the time we've got. It's kind of i…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/20 11:29 AM
19

So happy for you Queen!!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/07/20 03:45 AM
8

Yup. I also hate when men do this. If you have a giant neck piece but only one arm tattoo you're a loser looking for attention. Gross.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/20 06:13 PM
14

Also the tattoos. She only has them where they'd be visible with clothes on. Screams that she needs attention.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/20 06:08 PM
20

He also compared himself to Jesus while negging all of womankind. He's probably a full blown narcissist. You really dodged a bullet.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/20 05:56 PM
4

It's also on audible for anyone who uses that. Or you could listen free if you haven't done a free trial yet. I find with dense material like this that listening is much easier to get through it and absorb the information. Can't wait to listen to this one.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/07/20 05:07 PM
12

Bahahahaha 💀💀💀
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/07/20 06:14 PM
63

The "to" instead of "too" ew.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/07/20 05:33 PM
1

This is one reason I want to have kids. To know that there are people being raised properly for the future of this planet. You're an awesome mom!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/07/20 05:30 PM
2

I'm going to have to now lol. The hot pocket bit came out when I was 18 and I've always enjoyed making fun of them ever since.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/07/20 04:15 PM
1

What do you mean? Like getting her over here? Or leaving his ass and doing better?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/07/20 04:14 PM
2

Right! Like when and how if he loses his job because he's gaming all the time!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/07/20 04:12 PM
2

You are so right hopefully she leaves him. And awesome to hear that you're raising a mature young man who can take care of himself! I have no problem with guys gaming for a hobby but this man is clearly a GaMeR and is taking advantage of her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/07/20 04:10 PM
1

Ugh I haven't seen that one but can only imagine it's similar. Ew.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/07/20 04:06 PM
6

I feel like he probably proposed to get sex or to make her feel better about having sex with him before marriage. With your degree I'm sure you can find a way to talk to her that doesn't come across as a warning. Do some motivational interviewing and help her come to the right conclusions about this man. The age gap, wealth gap, and lack of space between relationships are all huge red flags. But she's likely not had enough experience to spot these and is just feeling like she's in love and havin…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/07/20 02:34 PM
9

Be careful with that coffee shop close to your house and make sure you're not being followed when you leave. If I'm given the option to choose the place I pick something that I don't normally frequent but that is convenient so that the guy can't haunt my spot to run into me. This is also why I do my socializing at private clubs with locked doors. Not just anyone can get in. I also do not date any men that belong to these clubs.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/07/20 02:24 PM
5

Based on reading our threads daily this is what I expected but I love hearing it verified! Queens!!!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/07/20 02:12 PM
10

Agreed! Her post is longer than my screenshot and she details bringing him food and water whenever he calls for it from her.... Exactly like a teenage boy. Oh and he's sleeping while she's awake and up all night gaming and NOT doing any of his work from home and might lose his job. It's a whole mess.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/07/20 02:07 PM
16

I feel like this is a rescue mission but if she's actually waiting on him like this rather than asserting herself we might be more than she can handle.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/07/20 01:56 PM
2

It's at the very top of the imgur set giving him credit. Blcksmth
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/07/20 01:06 PM
3

Good reminder I should be following this account on IG. So now I am, thank you!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/07/20 04:30 AM
9

💀💀💀 Asking the real questions
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/07/20 11:41 PM
68

The love you put out into the world returns to you. I've heard this quote so often it is so nice to hear a story proving it. Very happy for you Queen thanks for sharing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/07/20 02:39 PM
20

I think it's worth pointing out here that everyone has a type. And you could be stunningly beautiful to another man but you're just not that one's type. There's nothing wrong with a man having preferences, same as for us having preferences and standards. I'm a bigger girl but since I've figured this out and let men pursue me instead of me going after them, I get nothing but absolute adoration for my looks and figure. And these guys were my type but ultimately didn't measure up to my standards so…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/07/20 12:36 AM
10

Girl, no. Those ghosters were responding to your old pick me energy. You are in recovery now. Do the work, level up, and you will be the one ghosting them! Remember - dick is abundant and low value. You are the prize. You need to believe that before you put yourself back out there. Mindset is so important, if you believe you'll be alone forever then you will. Believe the right guy is out there for you and that you're doing the work now to prepare yourself to meet him. Read the handbook again, es…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/07/20 06:22 AM
2

"You're beautiful but if you just lost like, ten pounds and tightened everything up you'd be HOT!" - guy that took my virginity (hate saying that phrase but it makes the point)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/07/20 06:20 PM
4

Thank you for sharing. As a former therapist, advocating for women compartmentalizing abuse from training or service in the military, which I what I stated trying to decipher your somewhat vague comment, is inappropriate in this thread. It does not help women to seek out their own best interest. That is always first and foremost what we should be advocating for. Your history and reasons for joining are your own and I respect what you did and that you had to do what you had to do to get through t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/07/20 09:39 PM
10

Thank you for service. I am concerned though that you are encouraging compartmentalization. If you're referring to the horrors of warfare only ... I hope that you reach out for the right supports for you. If you're referring to encouraging women to compartmentalize any kind of actual assault from men while they were training or serving I would respectfully ask that you delete this comment.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/07/20 07:36 PM
15

Came here to say all of these things. I used to run, not work at, RUN a law firm and I make more bartending. I also have a much higher job satisfaction than I ever did working with attorneys. Physically I know I can't do it forever but jobs in my industry are not hiring right now as everyone is holding onto their work from home jobs for dear life. Anything to keep you afloat in these hard times is admirable. And good for you for not responding OP, that takes strength! Keep on keeping on queen 👑
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/07/20 05:39 PM
3

I use snap and Facebook for marketing. Ideally I would have separate accounts for this but I'm trying to entice people I know in real life to visit whatever bar I'm working at that day. So a majority of those kinds of pics have cleavage showing. But... That's also just how I look in what I wear normally due to my shape 🤷‍♀️ so idk if this helps. I do try to keep it classy looking while knowing there's some thirsty dudes that will notice it and come in and tip me well. If you're doing it for atte…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/07/20 03:04 AM
3

I've never heard this one before thank you so much for sharing it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/20 11:22 PM
24

They are making blatantly false statements about us
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/20 05:08 PM
13

Check out the post about us on r/againsthatesubreddits
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/20 04:47 PM
9

GC got banned? I mostly use Reddit for this sub so I wouldn't notice but when I do leave FDS that's a sub I like.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/20 01:23 PM
20

Makes me want to light things on fire 💀💀💀
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/20 06:57 PM
14

Can I ask... Was he drop dead gorgeous himself?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/20 06:55 PM
34

I AM bitter, rightfully so, and will also back you up on this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/20 06:53 PM
2

I am so glad to hear that!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/20 06:50 PM
16

So he was an emotionally abusive gamer. I totally relate I was never allowed to relax and any time I tried my ex would say something nasty like that so I would feel guilty and go clean or cook or do something productive. Infuriating to reflect on it. I've read more books in the past three months than the six years I wasted with him. And maybe books don't have levels but I've been leveling up my life without him! I hope you have been too! 👑
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/20 06:47 PM
5

Truly inspirational - you are leveling up and killing it!!! So happy for you and thank you for sharing. I had a similar milestone recently of what would've been the first wedding anniversary. I'm still working on leveling up my life but I'm getting there. Hearing success stories like yours help me stay motivated and hopeful that the work I'm doing will pay off. In some ways just being able to do the work is the reward because I'm not focused on an entitled man child and I can focus on myself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/20 06:37 PM
1

You know what's funny. A different guy asked for my phone number back before quarantine and then never followed up. His cousin told me that the reason was because he's engaged! Hopefully not the case but a very real possibility.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/06/20 01:25 AM
8

Exactly why I came here. I know I shouldn't have a crush. I'm always busy doing things to make my life better but it's hard because he comes into my work and I can't really ignore him. But I intend to take the advice offered here about keeping myself occupied with tasks and keeping it brief when I do interact with him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/06/20 09:01 PM
1

Very good idea about intermittent reinforcement. I went out with a different guy last night to get my mind off this crush and I feel like that worked.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/06/20 07:47 PM
1

That's a good point. I feel like it was evident he could ask but maybe he's trying to be respectful.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/06/20 07:42 PM
12

Solid advice. If he comes in today I'm planning to treat him like just another customer. I'm interesting but I keep it light with customers and that's all he's gonna get from me moving forward.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/06/20 04:10 PM
2

That's a good point because I definitely do make my money by being nice to random men. But I think it was pretty clear that I wasn't just treating him like another customer when we talked last Friday while I wasn't working.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/06/20 04:08 PM
10

Thank you for this alternate perspective I needed it. I've already resolved to just see what happens but this is really helpful. I was definitely concerned about the work place consideration.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/06/20 04:35 AM
9

It wasn't like he was monopolizing me it was sort of a group setting and the two of us got to talking and the chemistry was good and we kept talking. But I agree moving forward I am definitely going to do that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/06/20 03:21 AM
3

Not long at all. He was a customer I served without conversation. Friday I happened to sit at his table so I could be near other people I wanted to chill with and then he and I ended up in a conversation. A conversation that was very good and just kept going.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/06/20 03:20 AM
4

I think I remember your post, I'm so sorry that happened to you. I'm also sorry others might not have been as thoughtful of your feelings behind what you shared. You're still here, I hope FDS is helping you and you're getting the support you need in other ways too. Much love to you in your healing journey.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/06/20 03:05 AM
13

Realizing you've been victimized when you've been normalizing and covering for a partner is very difficult. Most abuse victims don't want to think that on top of everything else they've endured that they were also raped. As an educational post reaching out to them it was appropriate to not use the term. But yes, lack of true consent is rape.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/06/20 12:11 AM
14

My ex pulled the exact same shit with withholding sex, telling me to go find it somewhere else since he couldn't meet my needs. He was also an absolute asshole on every trip we took. SO glad I left and so glad you're away from that too! I'm still trying to rebuild my self esteem after all that. Sounds like you're healing and leveling up 👑
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/06/20 12:04 AM
3

I thought her ending was pretty good though. She didn't get what she thought she wanted but she seemed really content with her career and happy with her life. This show had so much good stuff in it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/06/20 03:51 AM
15

This made me feel so warm and fuzzy. You are awesome queen 👑 and so are you OP for being brave to post this and hold yourself accountable. Judging from your attitude and mindset about what you went through you're doing amazing because you've already grown by seeing the situation for what it was. To share my suffering - one guy complained about me spending time with my family (I was visiting my grandfather in the hospital!) Admitted he knew this was wrong but was still jealous. That was our final…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/06/20 03:48 AM
3

Thank you for this. I feel like you really understand where I'm coming from and what I was trying to convey in my comments and you did so far more eloquently.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/06/20 02:34 AM
3

Sorry I guess I was thinking from my point of view but I did agree with your original point and I was saying that yes, when I was a pick me I was afraid I couldn't find anything better. Having been in that position my first thought was to have compassion for the women being cut off of their support. Because I was there and didn't know what to do. And even now, it's hard for me to cut people off but I'm learning. I was thinking for other women that might feel like I do and struggle with ending fr…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/06/20 02:07 AM
6

Hey - I'm a recovering pick me. Sorry if I came across a certain way but I figured many of us are recovering pick me's and will still have friends that are too. I'm glad I found this sub and am reforming myself. I want other women to learn about this way of life and better themselves too. That's why I suggested sharing these resources to people who are struggling and suffering. I hope this sub can keep motivating other women to stop being pick me's so that all men will have to meet higher standa…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/06/20 01:02 AM
17

Can confirm - I thought I was worthless after years of emotional abuse. But I didn't know that's what it was. Once I realized and some unforgivable things happened I finally left. But I was that annoying girl seeking validation from her friends because I couldn't understand why/how a person could be so awful when I was being the perfect wifey. Recommend therapy to your friends. If they can't afford it (and this is what I used) recommend a support group on Reddit. Codependency and narcissistic ab…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/06/20 05:07 AM
45

Excuse me, they what?!? For three decades!!!!! I want to move to another planet.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/06/20 04:45 AM
42

Same but leave half the cabinets in the kitchen open 🤦
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/06/20 02:23 AM
3

I keep going back and forth between I'm running out of time and I'm not all the way in a good place mentally to date. Coming here helps keep me on the right track.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/20 11:03 PM
27

Agreed!!! Also he looks short. Little sad man finding a teenager who will love and accept him exactly how he is because she doesn't know she can do any better because she spent her teenage years wrapped up with him. So sad.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/20 10:51 PM
7

I had stomach pains that I thought were my appendix rupturing and my ex dropped me off at the ER. Didn't even walk me in.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/20 10:07 PM
1

Ugh I just looked at that. It's so cringey that it seems like maybe it's satire but it's not so it's just really really sad.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/20 07:51 PM
17

You're here now. Things will get better. Sending internet hugs and good vibes.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/20 10:54 PM
4

TL;DR Better to correct shit ass men than attack the character of well-meaning women. This right here 👏
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/20 10:19 PM
62

The amount of short comments are murdering the lurkers that think we reject them because they're not a tall Chad.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/20 11:39 AM
7

Thank you! 😆 A brief glance has me cracking up already
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/06/20 03:28 AM
7

What's this I can't see it?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/06/20 02:19 AM
24

Pretending to die - every woman needs to respond this way to this presumption that we should enjoy being strangled.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/06/20 02:13 AM
11

That last sentence - thank you for sharing that I needed to hear it. I always felt frumpy and ugly. Idk where I got that idea from but it's still there. Working on it though. We're all doing the work and we are better for it!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/06/20 02:04 AM
3

I've worked for an attorney and your comments about this guy stuck with me. If you ever get through to her or something changes with them please let us know!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/06/20 08:23 PM
1

. I can never find dresses that work for me, so when I do, I just have a rule that I buy it if it's less than $100. I wish I had heard this advice years ago. Grateful that I'm in a place now that I can do this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/06/20 08:14 PM
10

THIS^
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/06/20 08:02 PM
5

I found it, thank you. Crazy what women tolerate.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/06/20 04:55 PM
3

I want to know what the question was that he is responding to
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/06/20 05:05 AM
2

I couldn't read the details so I scrolled to find it thank you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/20 01:36 PM
2

You are absolutely right. Mainly the family traditions surrounding child birth were of interest but I understand your fears. I stayed with my ex for three weeks walking on eggshells after deciding to leave. She is doing this for the well being of her child. It is awful but karma will come around for both of them. Hopefully in her being able to keep him out of their lives forever and him getting what he deserves.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/20 01:27 PM
2

Put this in the handbook!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/20 02:02 AM
5

You win best comment 🏆
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/20 01:30 AM
16

I used to sit in my car and cry before going home from work because I never knew what kind of mood he would be in and I didn't want to deal with him. Hated life. Not much has improved aside from not being with him anymore and I'm much happier in general. Also had horrible panic attacks because of his outbursts, sorry you went through this OP.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/20 01:28 AM
8

I want to know what states aren't doing the right thing and if I live in one of them. But how do you even Google that?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/20 01:16 AM
5

Thank you this is really helpful. I've been doing the work regarding boundaries, I'm getting to the implementing and enforcing part now. Quarantine has upended the dating scene so I'm mentally preparing to apply what I'm learning, once I find someone worth doing a social distance date with.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/06/20 04:09 AM
10

Thank you, you're absolutely right. I need to respect my own boundaries and set expectations. But not feel obligated to manage his feelings about my expectations. I care too much too quickly. But I'm working on that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/06/20 02:39 AM
9

How do you set and enforce that time limit? I struggle with this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/06/20 01:48 AM
8

Can you give an example of what to say to end the date? I wouldn't want to be rude but still make it clear that nothing further will happen with him. I'm definitely guilty of not ending dates when I should because I feel so awkward. I've always been so deferential to men. Since being single the last year my confidence had increased greatly and I'm far less demure than I used to be. But I struggle to cut men off.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/06/20 01:47 AM
8

Fully agree with another commentor you have NO place putting her on blast or expecting support for doing so. The FDS handbook glossary of terms defines Scrote as dickhead. That's it, there is nothing else behind it. Just dickhead. I would never call someone that in public, end of story. I don't know any high value woman that would. This is a public forum. We are a growing community that is getting more and more public attention. I personally do not want to be associated with incel type behavior …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/06/20 03:58 PM
12

Don't feed the trolls.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/06/20 04:57 AM
7

Ok I'm glad I didn't ask. I thought about asking but thought maybe it would make me sound old lol. I'm six years older than him (the wall is a lie I look better than ever). And to update on the situation, I sent one back captioned event of my day and now there are more candid selfies and captions and conversations. I've been sticking to "The Rules" with getting to know him on snap and I'm not sure if him sending me snaps all day every day is also just an age thing or he's really trying to get my…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/06/20 04:25 AM
5

I was gonna click the link but now maybe not.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/06/20 04:09 AM
23

I am super curious what country/culture. I feel so bad for your friend. Once you're aware of the shitty situation you put yourself in all you wanna do is get the hell out. I can't imagine trying to appease a man while actively hating him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/06/20 01:02 AM
48

Talking to this guy on snap chat (that's my work around to not give out my phone number). He sends me selfies with no context or caption constantly all day every day. I'm six years older than him so maybe it's an age gap thing but it's just odd to me. Like why do you need so much validation? We matched on tinder clearly I think he's good looking. Also OP I love that you call them caution flags 😆
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/06/20 12:18 AM
2

Thank you for taking the time to type this out, this is so helpful. It's been radio silence for 24 hours so I might not even need to use that script for this situation. However I am saving this for future reference.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/06/20 02:08 AM
2

I needed to hear this today, thank you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/06/20 01:20 AM
2

I don't think safety is an issue but I do want to be respectful and gentle. This is the part of adopting FDS that I knew would be hard for me when I needed to put it into practice. I'm a terrible people pleaser. I love making people happy and never want to upset anyone. (Yes I've been doing therapy for quite a while and this is part of me working on it) I just need to rip this band aid off and cut him off before he gets any more attached. This is difficult.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/06/20 12:59 AM
31

I used to feel heartbroken when I thought of my narcissistic ex with another woman. Now I feel bad for her and hope she sees through him faster than I did.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/06/20 08:38 PM
2

great, now you're putting the responsibility for your emotional well-being on me' This hits the nail on the head. The next thing my social conditioning says is to let him down gently. I'm afraid of hurting his feelings in this scenario.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/06/20 01:02 PM
4

There's a very lengthy back story that this was a missed connection type of thing. But you're a little bit right about the attraction thing he has adult acne. He had it when we worked together in high school but I still thought he was really good looking. It's gotten so much worse since then. We matched on an app and his pictures are definitely done in a way to hide it, but I knew that. I just didn't know it would be so much worse. So when we met up I was caught off guard and just focused on hav…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/06/20 04:55 AM
13

Agreed! A guy I was seeing dumped my purse out on the floor because he couldn't find his pen. I was stunned.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/06/20 02:07 AM
3

I'm a few episodes in! Sometimes it's a little cheesy but I'm enjoying it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/06/20 01:47 AM
5

I'm struggling with a man being nice to me??? This has happened the last few times I've been interested enough to keep seeing someone. So I've made major progress by not continuing to see people that are actively shitty to me, but I just don't know what to say or how to be when a guy is nice to me. For instance a man I've been seeing (that I have known peripherally for years) said texting me is the best part of his day and he looks forward to it while he's at work. I felt uncomfortable about thi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/06/20 01:42 AM
39

Men aren't shamed for the way they look, act, and exist from birth. They don't know that they should be ashamed of these kinds of behaviors nor that they should absolutely NOT expect other people to tolerate them. Women are always on their best behavior and beat themselves up if they're not behaving perfectly at all times. Which is why we would never dream of doing something so abhorrent as pissing in a Tupperware container and cannot comprehend how someone could do such a thing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/06/20 12:40 AM
3

Yup I use it to be able to accomplish more in my day to day. Helps me feel motivated and happy to do the mundane things that need to be done.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/06/20 12:26 AM
11

I'm in your demographic and I find they do both. Have it together but also party way too much, then wanna change their tune around forty and get married and have kids. Sigh.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/06/20 12:17 AM
27

I guess personal preference but how many HVM have you met that smoke pot? I know they probably exist and I'm hoping to find one but in general most dudes that smoke are lazy NVM.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/06/20 12:06 AM
79

I think we need an official screen shot of the Tupperware piss post for posterity. I love how you ladies are incorporating it in these amazing memes.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/05/20 03:36 AM
1

I'm curious about this too. I love checking in here daily to see the new content. If I don't do FB or IG will I be missing stuff?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/05/20 03:29 AM
10

I do not tolerate insults, name-calling, slurs, negging in any form, or foul language directed at me. I just added that to my list of personal policies, thank you for the concise wording. Looking back I can't believe I put up with so much for so long that I didn't deserve.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/05/20 10:59 PM
169

Imagine being made to feel crazy because you DARE assert that PISSING in Tupperware is DISGUSTING. I can't. Please let this be fake.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/05/20 08:18 PM
41

Is it that they read "The Art of Seduction," took what they liked from it, and only claim to have read his other books?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/05/20 02:23 PM
1

Yikes. He gets one chance to fix this. OLD is difficult, it's all via text and tricky to make sure you're coming across the way you intend. However if he doesn't step his game up you gotta unmatch and keep it moving. Good luck!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/05/20 01:33 PM
7

☕ steaming hot tea
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/05/20 03:44 AM
31

I agree with lots of the replies here. BUT where in the world are you? Is a restaurant dinner date even possible right now? My county and most around mine are locked down. Dinner is not possible. If that's the case how else could he ask you to be in public so that you would feel safe? He didn't ask you to go to his house which in these pandemic times many dudes are happily employing the tactic of Netflix and chill being the only option. Is it possible he was trying to avoid that? If dinner is an…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/05/20 03:20 AM
3

I added a gem I came across on tinder recently 🤦
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/05/20 10:49 PM
67

Oof yup
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/05/20 04:07 AM
17

Same. He showed me the video for Born to Die because he wanted us to look exactly like that couple (we did in many ways it was cringey). So I related really hard to the video and used it as my anthem for leaving him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/05/20 01:47 AM
11

Love her and this song!!!! If you've been in a relationship with or are trying to leave a narcissist Shutter Island is a great song too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/05/20 01:55 PM
65

This whole thing is a shit show but I'd say the most concerning thing for the OP is the age of that Natalie Portman picture. She can't be more than 14 here. Pedophile. I hope she blocks and deletes.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/05/20 01:15 PM
23

The immediate blind rage I felt at the nonchalance of this description of a husband and his wife's boss making executive decisions for her... The writing is too well thought out in order to incite female rage. I almost feel like some incel lurker was hoping to get our attention with this one. A high value woman being pUt In HeR PLaCe of catering to men. She still will contribute the same amount financially to this NVM and likely to the company but she was taken down a peg. A tale to enrage and s…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/05/20 02:35 AM
14

I couldn't finish the article. Taxes. Tax money I am forced to pay and there appears to have been a slap on the wrist and nothing further?!?!? Appalling. What do we do? How can we fix this? Where do we even start?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/05/20 02:25 AM
38

I wish I had read this years ago.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/05/20 12:46 AM
4

🏆🏆🏆💛💛💛
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/05/20 05:24 PM
11

Let's have the full list of these movies!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/05/20 02:01 PM
3

Late to the party but I just wanted to tell you do NOT Google this
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/05/20 03:08 AM
22

Like, take your delicate ego & go vagina-dry someone else 😂 Take ALL the gold 🏆🎖️🏅🥇💛💰 😂😂😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/05/20 02:41 AM
1

Cheers! And thank you ❤️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/05/20 01:13 AM
7

I felt that too! I was so used to guarding myself all the time I clenched my jaw constantly. After the honeymoon phase was over if I tried to talk about my day at work he would say "I don't give a fuck" so I would shut up. I knew I saved myself in leaving him when after the break up multiple people told me I had a sparkle back in my eye. He literally stole the light from inside of me. I'll never settle again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/05/20 07:38 PM
2

Thank you ❤️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/05/20 06:08 PM
9

I'm currently going through this with my friend group. It's good to hear a success story. I've been distancing myself from them while I'm leveling up in silence. The hard part is I'm maid of honor in a wedding in the fall that the whole group is in. The bachelorette weekend is a few weeks away and I'm sort of dreading it. One of the pick me bridesmaids had the audacity to say "I hope you're not gonna be a Debbie downer all weekend since you're a whole new person now". When all I did was stop bin…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/05/20 02:59 PM
71

I never once heard this ex sing. We were in the car, heading to a nice dinner with friends, gorgeous weather, and a sing I like comes on and I start singing. He says "what band sings this song?" Me "it's..." Ex, cutting me off, "let them sing it" A more recent ex not only said the EXACT same thing, but he thought he was God's ft to karaoke. He was always flat. I did a lot of painting while I was with this one. If I asked what he thought he would squint at it and say "it's better than I could do.…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/05/20 02:02 PM
18

To me this means men actually pose with weights that someone else had to lift and put on them. Wtf.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/05/20 01:50 PM
8

She's projecting her shit onto you. Block and carry on without this negativity in your life. I know it's hard to let go of friends but you are trying to out grow her. Wasting your precious time posting about her bullshit is not helping you level up. You can do better.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/05/20 11:32 PM
5

Preach!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/05/20 11:25 PM
19

Why the fuck is a man a victim advocate? Maybe for other males but it sounds like he's been hearing female perspectives. He shouldn't be anywhere near female survivors of sexual assault in that role and SHAME on that state government if that's the case.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/05/20 07:31 PM
2

You should also read "Not Your Mother's Rules" by Ellen Fein & Sherry Schneider. It gets very specific and in depth about texting, messaging on social media, etc. Never pursue a man it only leads to heartbreak.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/05/20 07:25 PM
22

I'm so here for both of these things.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/05/20 07:11 PM
14

A guy I dated lastsummer was amazing in the beginning. About three months in that mask started slipping and I ended it the first time he raised his voice to me. I wish I knew about FDS back then because he wouldn't have had the chance to get to that three month mark.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/05/20 07:09 PM
25

I have a friend that when I talk about my standards or why I'm curving yet another guy she says "it just shouldn't be this difficult!" Like really girl, you got married and had kids super young, hate your ex husband, and have screaming matches with your current bf daily. It should be this difficult because I'm not going to settle for that kind of bullshit ever again. And if I'm single indefinitely oh well it's better than being with my NVM ex. I'm currently considering getting off OLD due to non…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/05/20 11:54 PM
5

I didn't know about the eye contact thing until it had already come out, I smoked pot but I had never dealt with hard drugs and had no clue why our financials as well as relationship were falling apart so rapidly. Live and learn. I wish I didn't have to go through that but I'm wiser for it. I hope it's similar for you. I try to frame the bullshit from my exes as lessons rather than the baggage it could be seen as.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/05/20 11:41 PM
51

I think him ending previous relationships quickly if it wasn't right for him and not wasting the girls' time is very mature. LVMs in their 40s don't have this kind of insight or self control. Green flag and best of luck to you both!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/05/20 11:36 PM
17

I asked him to go cry somewhere else cause it was distracting me This is my favorite thing I've read today!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/05/20 11:24 PM
6

OMG 😂 my ex would do this whenever we were going to his camp in West Virginia. As soon as we crossed into that town he'd crack open a "road soda". So ridiculously alcoholic.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/05/20 08:52 PM
10

People on drugs tend to not look you in the eye or get close enough to you physically for you to look in their eyes. Depending what drug their pupils will be pin points or very large, eyes will be glassy and look vacant. I started catching on with one of my exes when I was younger because he stopped being affectionate or being close enough that I could look in his eyes. His eyes looked shifty when I would try to look at him because he was trying to avoid making eye contact. Turns out he had an a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/05/20 08:50 PM
6

Honestly it's a miracle that ducks and humans continue to procreate the way things are going 🤷‍♀️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/05/20 05:42 AM
5

When I think back on the amount of money I spent on my exes by going halves on rent or picking up tabs because I made more money... I would be completely financially solid if it weren't for them. Getting my shit together now and never gonna let that happen again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/05/20 04:00 AM
22

I thought this was the narcissist abuse sub I also follow. I hope you're out of there!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/05/20 05:01 PM
59

Doesn't enforce boundaries with family/friends (could take a while to see this as a pattern) Indifferent or doesn't take time to get to know your family and friends. Prioritizes his family and friends and expects you to as well, but never shows up for your family and friends functions. Addictive behavior with drugs/alcohol, video games, gambling Cares so much about sports that he yells at the TV (he might guard this for a while, up to you if it's a deal breaker- never again for me) ((enthusiasm …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/05/20 04:44 PM
16

Can you explain this maxim?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/05/20 03:37 PM
28

Oof. Block and delete before they pull this shit.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/05/20 01:54 AM
3

I didn't think I would make it through the whole video based on the book summary but Cindy made it worth it. Thanks for sharing!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/05/20 04:25 PM
3

I love reading comments and seeing how we have people all over the world.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/05/20 03:35 AM
21

I'm loving this side thread ladies. I was journaling about this very thing this morning! I want to do permaculture farming too and grow millions of flowers and have an orchard and walking ducks and peacocks and goats and just grow things and make art every day. We should do a thread in female level up about this so everyone can share.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/05/20 11:07 PM
5

I'm so glad I saw this 😂😂😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/05/20 02:06 AM
5

Try neurofeedback therapy. My heart goes out to you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/05/20 02:40 PM
5

As lube? I don't understand. Ugh.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/05/20 01:59 PM
14

💀💀💀 I really thought I already knew every possible disgusting thing a man could do with bodily functions after my 20s. This is beyond comprehension. Is there still shit in the water when they're doing this? I just cannot. I cannot. Ew ew ew
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/05/20 01:53 PM
1

Only showing one knuckle of his in the pic and it's tattooed. I'm a fan of tattoos but not on the hands or face, those are job stoppers. Bet he's got face tats too 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/05/20 01:21 AM
1

Only showing one knuckle of his in the pic and it's tattooed. I'm a fan of tattoos but not on the hands or face, those are job stoppers. Bet he's got face tats too 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/05/20 01:21 AM
1

Only showing one knuckle of his in the pic and it's tattooed. I'm a fan of tattoos but not on the hands or face, those are job stoppers. Bet he's got face tats too 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/05/20 01:21 AM
1

Only showing one knuckle of his in the pic and it's tattooed. I'm a fan of tattoos but not on the hands or face, those are job stoppers. Bet he's got face tats too 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/05/20 01:21 AM
5

Thank you for this comment I looked it up and I am LOVING this version!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/04/20 02:34 PM
9

My range is 27-37 and it's more of the same. Northeast US here so fish pic in colder months is interchangeable with him posing with a dead deer. But don't forget the other classics for all ages: only group photos - he's definitely the ugly one, odd perspective selfie so you can't tell if he's ugly or hot??? And picture of him holding a baby (Don'T wOrRy iTs a ReNtAL)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/04/20 12:20 PM
17

Holy water knows what I'm talking about. You can just tell. The type of pose, expression, or intimate setting that a guy's friend would never be the one photographing him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/04/20 05:31 AM
82

I've always had an issue with pictures of the dude that you just know his ex gf took. Especially if he's "newly single just got out of a 9 year LTR". It's poses that I've taken of my exes at restaurants, on vacation, napping with the dog. Pictures that are taken lovingly by someone who love (s?) loved (ed?) that man. And here he is using those pics she took to try to find someone to bang on tinder. But the ones where it was a nice picture of the two of them and he scribbles over the face -not ev…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/04/20 04:14 AM
1

Can someone link? I can't find it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/04/20 12:54 AM
34

Girl stop negging yourself. You have made it to this sub, now you gotta put in the work. Stop the negative self talk and learn boundaries. Level up your life to be the best version of yourself. If you don't think you're worth it no one can do it for you. Learn to love yourself. Feel free to pm me, I've been there.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/04/20 12:44 AM
3

I met a guy on OLD who had fantastic pictures. Turns out he was not that big in person and had the skinniest little chicken legs despite being a "gym rat". He sent me gym selfies every day ugh it was so cringey after I saw him in person.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/04/20 12:03 AM
25

Especially since it's going to be a while until you meet any guy in person right now, you need to be practicing the rules more than ever. You shouldn't be sharing this until you've vetted the guy. And since you can only video call, call, and text right now, you don't really know any of these new guys enough to vet them. Don't share anything you wouldn't say on a first date. If you must date right now use this as practice to keep things light and breezy and listen to what they're saying. Are ther…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/04/20 11:29 PM
2

Thanks!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/04/20 10:23 PM
13

Just needed to say again how much I love this sub. It's part of my daily PD reading plan. I also come here when I need a pick me up throughout the day. Thank you to everyone here for all the great content. I'm doing work on my own but the content brings up things I might not have thought of that I want to work on our explore. I'm just so grateful I found this sub.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/04/20 05:19 PM
2

Can you share where you took that test?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/04/20 05:15 PM
1

I'm not an introvert but I do wish I could have more alone time with my friends. But we have this weird thing that if two of us hang out someone always invites one or more of the others. It is so rare I get one on one time with any of them. Definitely a scheduling thing too, they're all mothers to young kids. If they're making time for one why not see them all, I guess.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/04/20 06:13 PM
2

Thank you. I love your approach especially the bringing everyone together sociology study. I bet that was an awesome party! I've been through a lot with this group of girls and they did hold me up when I was going through it post breakup. Knowing what I know now it wasn't always the best kind of support but they love me and did their best. I guess I've been holding on tightly because I don't have close friends outside this core group aside from very far away college besties. I do talk to them da…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/04/20 06:03 PM
3

Thank you I think you're right about preserving the good stuff. I don't want to just drop six years of building friendships with these ladies. But they definitely have some pick me tendencies despite most being married or in stable LTRs.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/04/20 11:03 PM
6

I keep going back and forth with how seriously to confront my friends for still being friendly with my ex. Their men are still in a daily group chat with my ex. I wish he would move away and get out of my life. The men still think he did nothing wrong and I'm the bitch for leaving him and not continuing to put up with his shit. My friends (and occasionally me) are subjected to his presence because of their guys. Right after the breakup I tried and failed to get him out of the group, I was told t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/04/20 10:47 PM
17

Sir 😆
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/04/20 10:40 PM
14

Their dating path is consistent with the rules but tbh this video is not a good look.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/04/20 10:38 PM
20

I'm gonna assume he was drunk. Missed a video call from my (admittedly super hot) married neighbor last nigh at 3am. He's drunkenly hit on me before, I rebuffed him and there are circumstances as to why I can't just block him. But that is by far the thirstiest thing to happen during quarantine for me. A guy I curved six months ago sent a quarantine meme, reminded me I needed to block him, so that was actually useful. And the worst/saddest a guy who sought me out on Facebook because "you're just …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/04/20 03:57 AM
9

Left my ex over this. Hole in the door and the shower wall too. I let him keep the house. I knew even if the holes were fixed I'd still think about it every day and how much time I wasted. Get that door replaced sis!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/04/20 03:45 AM
23

How is this not an article on the onion? Just ugh. The audacity. Telling her to "not be naive" the fucking audacity. Wanted to tell her for months and she just gave birth a month ago!!!! Justifiable homicide.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/04/20 03:19 AM
19

They didn't graduate or get a GED, they're an actual drug dealer, or they are making a sad attempt at a joke. Regardless, it's a no from me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/04/20 05:00 PM
2

Try neurofeedback therapy
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/04/20 04:21 PM
5

I would wait until they specifically ask about custody arrangements as it comes up in scheduling discussions. The way you just explained it is brief and gets the point across. Technically you are a widow but I wouldn't lead with that. I hope your kiddos (and you) are doing ok that's a difficult situation.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/04/20 03:21 PM
15

Education : school of hard knocks = IMMEDIATE swipe left
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/04/20 03:04 PM
16

I had so much pride in being the best girlfriend ever, that breaking up was unimaginable. How could I still be the loving, caring, devoted woman I am if I left him? It took me so long to come to terms with this after my five year relationship that I gave him a second chance and wasted a sixth year on him! Very well put thank you for sharing. I'm so glad I found FDS and will never be in that situation again!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/04/20 02:37 PM
6

Looks. He was a big guy as in tall but also weight. I'm plus sized currently but a solid 7 and he's... a 4 probably? I'm more interested in personality but since finding FDS have realized I was setting the bar a bit too low in the looks department.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/04/20 03:57 AM
4

This needs to be a top comment
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/04/20 03:23 AM
5

Wow!!!! Aside from the religious parts this reads like an FDS handbook for men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/04/20 07:00 PM
8

I love this. A college friend named her baby Laurel and now I'm wondering if this Laurel was part of the reason she chose the name.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/04/20 06:16 PM
3

Omg I can't believe I forgot Fancy by be Reba McIntyre - another sad tale but a woman who rose above the circumstances forced on her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/04/20 09:15 PM
6

Landslide by Fleetwood Mac Gypsy by Fleetwood Mac I Need to Wake up by Melissa Etheridge Fast Car by Tracy Chapman (more of a cautionary tale but I love this song) Where is my mind by The Pixies Best of You by the Foo Fighters Under the Bridge by Red Hot Chili Peppers I can't wait to hear this playlist!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/04/20 08:32 PM
1

Thanks! Love your username btw.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/04/20 10:26 PM
2

I had an attorney and got every penny I could. I didn't want the house because of memories. But buying that home was a major life accomplishment and I had to give it up because of him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/04/20 05:28 PM
9

Just imagine what his place looks like inside 🤢
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/04/20 11:33 PM
6

I just watched all those short films and then the full length video from the artist. I'm in tears, it's a great song and I love her tribute to so many great women.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/04/20 11:30 PM
7

Our culture tells men that they're deserving of everything. So they believe they constantly possess unlocked forms of potential. This is also evidenced in the pick me behavior (I definitely suffered from this) of believing that the man has potential and she can help him acheive it. When they aren't calling us manipulators they act as though we are supposed to stand by and wait for them to unlock this potential or worse, actively help them to do it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/04/20 11:06 PM
2

I meant within the FDS sub. I don't care to hear the opinions on this particular subject from people that don't hold our values. It would likely be a lot of fake feminism sexual empowerment crap responses.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/04/20 05:38 PM
5

Pure Romance parties Has there been a thread on this? If not, I am game to start one. I just endured one over two hours on zoom and I have SO much to say. Most of it is bad. I have always flat out refused to go to these parties because I figured they would be misogynistic wastes of time and money that cater to the male gaze. I was not wrong. A friend in my circle was hosting and begged me to attend so I agreed since it was only online. Ugh. Never again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/04/20 01:37 AM
9

Thank you for sharing this! I liked the lab notebook presentation and you are really funny and witty.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/04/20 01:33 AM
27

I was planning to get my Master's when I met my ex. I downgraded my life in every way when I got with him. Changed jobs to something that did not pay well enough for the excruciating work conditions and paid less than my previous job, stopped pursuing my education, paid more than half of all the bills because he was laid off every winter. All that time and energy and money I could have spent on myself and upgrading my own life. Instead I greatly upgraded his, he got to keep the house we "bought …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/04/20 07:47 PM
3

Just wanna add that tapping is amazing! When I was going through all the financial issues of separating from my ex I was having panic attacks all the time because of seeing him and being in communication with him. Tapping helped me so much it's been over six months since I've had a full panic attack.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/04/20 04:37 PM
66

Nearly 33 and spent my twenties in three dead end LTRs. The last one was six years! I wasted my own time and broke my own heart. And it's been a year since I left and I'm just now starting to feel like I'm healing. So seven years wasted on a men I should've dumped 3 months in. But I wanted his validation so badly that I wore rose colored glasses and refused to listen to my own instincts. Until I left my ex I didn't believe I deserved better. I craved external validation and he kept bread crumbin…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/04/20 03:50 PM
8

Came here to say this
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/04/20 11:15 PM
30

"I just wish he wanted to help me" This reminded me of that movie, The Break up with Jennifer Aniston where she says, "I want you to want to do the dishes." Except this poor woman is pregnant, miserable, and cleaning up after and taking care of three people while growing his child inside her body!!!! I was headed down this path once. Thinking about having kids with my ex is what made me leave. I was already doing everything and I knew I wouldn't be able to keep my sanity continuing to do everyth…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/04/20 11:08 PM
5

Me too thanks!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/04/20 08:28 PM
8

Ugh she even actually says, "not like other girls"!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/04/20 01:13 AM
24

I couldn't finish it. When she said that it was literally the best first date of her life.... In a prison?!?!? I just stopped the video because if she can rationalize that. SMH. I'm not saying this isn't a worthy cause, it is, mandatory minimums can be cruel and seem to only serve the prison industrial complex. But girl- you have other options. You could be this man's friend and still be an advocate for him. This is where the don't catch feelings comes into play. It's possible she wants this gre…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/04/20 12:19 AM
19

I'd be curious to know how many of us dated narcissists, said I'm done with that forever, and managed to find the wonderful resource that is this sub.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/04/20 08:24 PM
3

As another commented, your definition of a HVM needs work. HVM can and will take the lead for romance and will let you set the tone for sex when things first get started. If he's compatible with you and you like him taking charge of initiating sex, he likely will. Maybe you should just focus on inner work for a while. Focus on the parts of the FDS handbook that are about changing your mindset and recovering pick meism.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/04/20 12:10 AM
7

Be more specific about the incorrect assumptions you have about the HVM being boring though I want to help you rewrite that narrative in your head. I get the macho guy thing but what you really want is strength not some fake alpha crap that's covering their insecurities that likely stem from unresolved childhood trauma. These are the type of men that will use you as their personal emotional punching bag because they won't deal with their own shit and they take it out in their relationships.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/04/20 04:15 PM
15

When you're thinking of this HVM "loser" what makes you think that? Describe him and then describe the typical LVM that you would go for and find exciting. We'll do a group reframe. I'm also working on this in therapy. I used to think that "bad boy" look was so hot. In reality I was picking dangerous men so I could recreate my trauma and try to control the narrative. Not healthy and I kept finding shitty men. Fortunately I've finally started to trust my gut on red flags and kick these men to the…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/04/20 03:34 PM
2

To add to this, I had a friend, different situation, that was losing it over her HVM. He was in another state for a set amount of months in order to complete a huge goal of his. There was an end time that he would return, he was still paying all her bills, but was just losing her shit on him every weekend worrying that he was out cheating. I knew if she didn't stop she would end up losing him. So I told her anything she wanted to text him when she was upset or insecure she should text me first a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/04/20 03:20 PM
11

What. 💀
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/04/20 04:34 AM
8

This was so cute! In sixth grade we watched an old movie like this about restaurant table manners on dates and I still use some of the guidelines to this day.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/04/20 04:31 AM
2

Alright. As someone else said, you don't have to agree with all the rules. So here's my last thing for you to consider: Herpes. Are you doing a full genitalia inspection or asking for a copy of recent STD test results from these random dudes? Likely not. Condoms don't protect you from the viral shedding. You are putting yourself at risk. Is that a conversation you want to have with your future HVM before making love? I know I'm being kind of harsh but this is reality. I think you are using ONS a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/04/20 03:20 AM
3

This is really funny because I did.... He watched the movie but didn't read the book 🤦
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/04/20 10:18 PM
4

Oh girl same. You should be sad got me through a very rough breakup anniversary. Hopefully she's wising up. The lyrics in that song give me hope for her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/04/20 08:50 PM
9

(the devil works hard but Kris Jenner works harder) 😂😂😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/04/20 08:41 PM
2

Hey OP. I'm also fairly new here and was wondering similar things. Toys are fun but sometimes you wanna scratch that itch. I used to think that ONS were fine. But when I really thought about it after reading the handbook, they're really not worth the risk vs the small reward. I too was down for casual sex. It made me feel empowered and like a cool girl. But even if I was satisfied physically (often not the case despite me knowing exactly what I want) what's the point? You're going to spend time …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/04/20 07:03 PM
15

Love this! I read a John Waters quote that I wish I had seen before meeting my LTR LVM ex. Paraphrased " if you go home with someone and they don't have any books, don't fuck them!" A guy I was dating recently, I met up with him and was debating breaking up with him that night. We bonded over our love of the Fire and Ice (GOT) and Dune books initially. He had always seemed highly intellectual to me but was wasting his "potential". (I know, I know, this was before I found FDS) Anyway we were talk…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/04/20 05:58 PM
1

Thank you! And thanks for listening 😊
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/04/20 06:40 PM
1

He tried and failed. The guys may keep him around but I had and continue to have deeper friendships with them than he did. Also he is now peripheral to the group where I am still central. The next wedding in our group I'm the maid of honor and he wasn't even on the long list to narrow for groomsmen. In the past my ex would've said the groom was his best friend. The groom still considers him a friend but never on that level. Because he was never there when groom needed him. He thought he qualifie…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/04/20 05:46 PM
4

I had a hard time with many things in the show. But there are some good takeaways. There is definitely a lot of pick me bullshit but like you said but the struggle should be relatable for those of us recovering. Definitely don't take it as a how to guide. Learn from Lena's mistakes, don't emulate them. Mainly I initially liked the show because it is a far more accurate depiction of what women deal with in life than what most shows portray.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/04/20 01:28 PM
36

So it's not empowering per se but I found You on Netflix to give a lot of insight into the disordered thinking of some men. On that note, you can read "The Gift of Fear" on your Kindle, Amazon, etc. I watched "The Kitchen" on HBO recently. It's set in the 70s so these women were facing a tough situation already. But I found the all female leads inspiring. An Irish gangster film for women. Sometimes I found it hard to relate to and sometimes the writing missed the mark but the HBO show "Girls" ha…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/03/20 11:20 PM
16

My ex (who was likely a diagnosable narcissist) only had friends out of convenience. He had a group that he did stuff with all the time that was his crew at work. As soon as he left there he stopped talking to them. I invited them all to our house warming party a year later and only one showed up. He told me privately that though he was happy for me with the house that everyone had been relieved to get space from the ex. Over the years (I was newly returned to my area) I had built up a great and…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/03/20 11:09 PM
9

If the opinions of men no longer matter to a woman, she is free from their control. THIS
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/20 11:57 PM
8

I've struggled with something similar. I also used to think I was into kink and rough sex. After a long and abusive relationship, I had a brief relationship where I did things differently and realized I don't need that to get off, I need care and concern and feeling like my partner wants to see my pleasure, not my pain. My former willingness to participate in that comes from some deep seated stuff that I'm working through in therapy. I realized that I was still thinking of harmful scenarios when…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/03/20 06:09 PM
9

I've been the girl you're referring to-the exhausting one. I had a close friend take a step back when I was making shitty decisions. That fence has not yet been mended (I'm respecting her space despite us running in the same circle, we're cordial) but I appreciate her stepping back. I've learned some hard lessons and losing the close counsel I had with her hurt. I took time to reflect and I'm changing my ways. My pick me tendencies ran deep and she was burning herself out stressing over the dumb…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/03/20 04:18 AM
3

You dropped this 👑 put it back on and forget about him!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/20 06:38 PM
5

my ex used those tactics to control everything I did. Same but I never realized it. Thank you for pointing this out. I realize this is 2 months old, doing my newbie reading and I think this comment should be bolded. I think many of us have suffered this kind of control without fully recognizing it. Important to keep in mind when looking for red flags in the future.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/03/20 06:12 PM
5

I read this post and someone commented about this sub, I've been reading as much of the handbook and I can in the last day. I am so so so glad I came across this sub. My ex punched two holes in the wall before I realized I deserved better. I had always heard that someone who punches walls wants you to know how much they want to punch your face. I hope this woman takes all the good advice and leaves before he does it again. It's been a year since I left (to the day yesterday which is when I found…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/03/20 05:55 PM
5

You are an amazing woman! Good for you for recognizing that and getting out of there. I relate to you so much, I stayed for six years. I let him keep the house because I didn't want the memories. Since I ran the entire household almost everything required to keep it up, I had bought, so I took it all with me when I left. As I was packing up the kitchen one day he had the audacity to ask me to make a list of what all I was taking that he would need to replace. I just stared at him with contempt u…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/03/20 05:38 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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