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federally Archive

View 0 posts and 49 comments by federally on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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8

I can't speak to you and your desires, but if you want kids you're with the wrong man. Fatherhood is a choice much more so than motherhood and this man isn't choosing it. If you want your kids to have a good dad, you need to find a man that is excited at the prospect and serious about doing fatherhood well.
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/26 03:36 PM
2

Therapy and a ton of self work. It's been so long like get it together bro. You can't sit stationary your whole life!
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/26 04:06 PM
-1

From reading your post, this sounds like it's a symptom of you not moving on from your ex. You love your son, and you want to be his dad. Getting a paternity test only offers the possibility of hurting you, him, and your relationship. You're already getting divorced, paternity is not going to impact that situation. It probably wouldn't even impact the financial determinations because a court will probably expect you to support the child regardless. So what's the possible positive? If this is eat…
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/26 04:04 PM
7

This part fucking sucks bro, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel and it's pretty fucking nice on this side of it
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/26 02:51 PM
1

This is why I go let them out where they won't cause any damage. In the very beginning of separation I had a panic attack and was freaking the fuck out. So I drove out to the desert, paced around my car, and said everything I had to say to her loudly and in the direction of our home. Even threw some rocks 🤣 It definitely helped me get that shit out and calm down so I could make rational decisions for my future and not behave in a way that would damage my opportunity to get what I wanted during d…
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/26 11:52 AM
1

This is a really hard thing to balance and your options are going to be pretty limited until your kids are older. As well you are going to need to really focus on the kids until a sense of stability and routine is established in the new dynamic. I have my kids Thursday afternoon - Sunday night every week. Since I have them for all my time off work I have plenty of opportunity to be an active and engaged father and compared to before divorce I'm not really losing any time with them since I didn't…
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/26 06:30 PM
1

I fully understand how you feel, and it's valid bro. But maybe it will help if I give you my perspective on your situation as a 40 year old divorced dad. I spent 17 years with a woman that I'm now divorced from. From 23 to two weeks before my 40th birthday. When it happened I was trying to figure out what I was going to do as a middle aged man facing being newly divorced, at the same time I was looking back and feeling like I had wasted my prime years. You're before all this. The 23 year old kid…
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/26 02:02 PM
1

I immediately deleted all sexy pictures and some recent ones that made me feel bad to see. Older pictures I've left alone. I've been scrolling my photo roll frequently lately as I've been printing more pictures of and with my kids. So occasionally I see a photo of me and the ex that bothers me and I just delete it then, but I haven't made a determined effort to clear them all out. All the printed pictures, mostly wedding photographs, I took out of their frames and put in storage. I don't really …
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/26 01:12 PM
5

This is just the way of things it seems. My ex was a sahm and she went into the divorce expecting to still get to be one and that the court was going to force me to fully support two households. When I tried to negotiate settlement with her she demanded 3x the highest support estimate my lawyer had given me. When I refused to agree to this, she started threatening my time with the kids. This forced me to push for a temporary orders hearing, which happened just recently. After the hearing I got e…
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/26 01:05 PM
6

The ability for you two to negotiate a pre nup will reduce the chance you guys get divorced at all. If you can't successfully negotiate one now, you shouldn't get married
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/26 04:56 AM
4

I have some. I deleted all the sexy pictures right away. I deleted some pictures of us that were too recent and bothered me to still have. The rest of the pictures from our 14 year relationship I still have. We have kids, at the very least they may want some of these in the future. Further, I'm not really sure if it's good for me to just try and delete my record of my life.
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/26 02:56 AM
2

Sure, but if the court won't accept a text document as evidence what does it matter? Maybe that can help in some way, but just be aware to not export a text thread and then delete it thinking you have a record of it
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/26 12:45 AM
6

Just a note, extracting the texts didn't fly for me. I need screen shots taken from inside the messaging app.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/26 08:16 PM
6

I am certainly beginning to see why a woman would want to divorce you
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/26 12:04 PM
14

You should delete this and figure out WTF is wrong with you
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/26 10:29 AM
7

I definitely did something similar to you. I thought that she was such and if I paid enough psychologists and psychiatrists she would get better. Turns out she's just a bitch that I had 3 kids with. I have thought about wishing I could go back and not have married her, but my kids are fucking awesome and if I had not married her that would undo their existence. So I don't regret marrying her. There were some good times we had together, and it's how I got my it's. So now I'm separated, in the mid…
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/26 05:08 PM
11

I encourage you to not answer the phone. Take all communication to text messages or email. Not only will this protect your sanity, it will also provide written evidence of the things she says.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/26 12:33 AM
6

I fully agree. I think many people rush into relationships too soon after. It takes time to reset and process what happened and debrief yourself on your failed relationship. Rushing into dating is just a recipe for a second divorce
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/26 06:40 PM
2

Sir, I think you subjecting yourself to this means you hate yourself and that's a much bigger issue imo
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/26 04:51 PM
16

My Ex would use divorce threats as a manipulation tactic. Countless times we were supposedly on the brink of divorce so she could use the emotional stress to pressure me to concede to her and jump through her hoops to "repair" the relationship. This cycle lasted 14 years. Now that I stopped playing the game, and forced her to go through with the last divorce she demanded, I'm having to go through the divorce as a much older man with 3 kids in tow. Don't follow my example
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/26 02:52 AM
2

It depends on what she is fighting you over. If it's the kids, fight to the death. You'll never regret it If it's money? Well that's a different calculation. Will it cost more to fight then you'll save? This isn't just a pure monetary calculation either. Your mental health, time, etc etc all count in this too. Throwing money at her so she goes away may very well be profitable over all for you.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/26 07:36 AM
12

What's dead is my ability to choose a good spouse
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/26 10:01 PM
7

Lazy ass
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/26 03:55 PM
2

I handle it by honestly looking at the situation. There is absolutely no way I can make a marriage with my ex work, so the only way to have avoided the divorce is to go back in time and not marry her at all. Which would mean my kids wouldn't exist at all, I'm really not sure that's a better situation for them than being children of divorce. So the divorce is just a reality of our lives, and luckily now that I'm no longer living with their mother I have the energy and ability to be a much better …
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/26 05:32 PM
8

What is this question even? I like women my age, that's it.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/26 02:03 AM
3

This is a cycle of an abusive relationship, and you're the abused party. Escaping an abusive relationship is scary and hard, but worth it in the end. You're worth saving, bad news is you have to save yourself. So have her served and get as much distance from her as you can, as soon as you can.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/26 11:05 PM
31

I'm just going to be blunt, you are failing at dating because you aren't a catch. You are an insecure, incomplete man trying to find a person to make you whole. Any worthwhile person, is going to see the red flags and run. The only successes you will have will be with other similarly damaged people. You need to spend time on you, build a fulfilling life and then consider finding a romantic partner to add to it
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/26 08:04 PM
5

My equivalent was driving out into the middle of the desert and screaming and yelling everything I wanted to say to my ex in the direction of our house 🤣 You gotta get this shit out somehow or it just builds up
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/26 11:31 PM
2

Stop communicating with her verbally, go text/email only. You will want a record of your conversations. I also personally find it much easier to avoid falling for the bait when she tries to provoke me when I'm on text. If I feel my emotions welling up, I can just put the phone down and come back to it later if ever.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/26 06:04 PM
5

Not getting to see my kids every day does suck, it's the only down side to the divorce. However, being divorced and no longer living with an energy vampire that left me feeling burnt out and overwhelmed constantly, has allowed me to be a much better father. So while this isn't perfect, and since I can't go back in time and have kids with a better person it can never be perfect, the situation as it is is actually pretty good.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/26 05:41 PM
1

My childhood trauma is to blame for my ex cheating because it led me to choosing such an awful partner 🤣
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/26 05:02 PM
1

I have an ever growing dislike of my ex, and heavily limit her ability to communicate with me but none of that extends to my kids. They get to talk to me about their whole lives, which includes their mother. It's only a hard thing to do when the kids are telling me about ways she's neglectful to them.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/26 04:59 PM
6

The impression I'm getting is that you're talking to her too much. You need distance and time to heal, you can get that distance by limiting her access to you as much as is possible. For me, my ex is only allowed to text me and I don't participate in conversation or arguments. Only direct communications about the kids. I will never answer a phone call from her, and when she sends shitty text messages I either ignore it completely or respond "okay" and move on with my day.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/26 04:55 PM
3

Think of it this way, if you're not already content with your life you're going to find a relationship to fill a void. Which is unhealthy, and you'll just wind up in another relationship destined to fail. Build a good life for yourself first, then find a person that can compliment that.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/26 04:30 PM
6

My ex would frequently threaten divorce, sometimes just throw it out in an argument, sometimes have the "I want a divorce" sit down conversation with me after a few days of relationship difficulty. They were always ploys to force me to concede on something, or make me prove myself and earn her back. This last time in the middle of me doing all the things I usually did to "repair" the relationship, I discovered she was having another emotional affair. That was the last straw and I decided to go t…
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/26 04:28 PM
5

There is much more to life then romantic relationships. Right now I don't think I'll ever date again and I'm content with that because the rest of my life is really great!
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/26 04:20 PM
11

She "initiated" which was really one of her repeated fake outs she would do to manipulate me, except this time I made her follow through on it. I'm the happiest I've been in over a decade
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/26 04:12 AM
5

The answer is untreated mental illness. My ex had an affair, initiated the separation, then surprised me with moving out and serving me. She regularly blames me for doing this all to her. She doesn't acknowledge and of her own agency or participation in the relationship and how it played out. She's just a tiny boat on the ocean getting blown around. So when she goes off on me in text, it's the only way I'll let her communicate with me, I just go on about my day and don't engage. I'm healing, mov…
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/26 04:51 PM
7

As soon as I decided I was divorcing her I took it off and threw it across the construction site I was working at
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/26 04:16 AM
13

Maybe this will be encouraging? I had panic attacks, break downs, you name it! I felt like I had wasted my entire life and that there just wasn't anything worth continuing on for. Now 9 months later, I'm the happiest I've been in over a decade.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/26 03:08 AM
1

I had spent so many years living with a woman I was scared of that I've been just enjoying being able to relax. Finally being able to breath and not constantly worry about making her angry is so refreshing. I haven't really done anything in particular except enjoy the time with my kids, I have so much more energy for them now that I'm not being emotionally drained, and peacefully establish myself as a person in a way I couldn't before. I'm only 9 months post separation and honestly, I'm the happ…
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/26 02:30 AM
3

I would encourage you to not be bitter, just build a happiness that doesn't require a relationship. This will not only make you a happier and healthier person in general, it will make room for a potentially successful relationship in the future.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/26 11:28 PM
1

It's been seven years, you need to looking forward and building a life. There's nothing you can do about the past, you can however influence your future.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/26 10:17 PM
8

I would suggest you do not speak poorly of her, but do not cover for her either. Tell your kid the unbiased truth about the decisions she made, leave your opinions and your feelings out of it. Then be there for your kid and however they respond.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/26 10:00 PM
3

Your story reads a lot like mine, except I'm further in and almost fell for the amicable trap. After multiple hours long discussions about how we would do everything and how amicable it would be, she wound up surprise serving me. Then tried to still convince me we could do it amicably, just using her lawyer. Maybe your ex can actually do it through a mediator, it's probably worth the shot. Just make sure no matter what, you are either using a neutral mediator or you have your own lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/26 01:14 PM
3

The point is that this is for your kids, not for your ex. My daughter told me what she wants to get for her mom, and we are going to go get it and she'll give it to her Sunday night when I drop them off. I have a strong, and continually growing, dislike for my ex but I'm not going to let that interfere with doing right by my daughter.
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/26 10:28 PM
25

That guy is backing away and throwing punches that don't look full force. That woman survived due to the man's generosity.
/r/PussyPassDenied15/03/22 01:53 PM
1

In execution it would just be a wedding without the marriage license. Which at that point is just a ceremony, and you are instead bound by your word instead of government guns.
/r/TheRedPill09/07/16 10:55 PM
1

I would just suggest the idea that you can be married without involving the government. Traditional marriage, as in two people pledging themselves to one another in front of their friends and family has value. It's the inviting the state into bed with the two of you that fucks things up.
/r/TheRedPill09/07/16 02:31 AM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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