~ archived since 2018 ~
~ archived since 2018 ~
| Upvotes | Comment on | Subreddit | Date (UTC) |
|---|---|---|---|
| 157 | “I wAS GoInG tHrOuGh SoMe StUfF PeRsOnAlLy”I think what especially kills me about this is it sets the bar so low for what "I'm sorry, I was going through some stuff" actually covers. I feel like so many dudes say that when they weren't, in fact, going through anything. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 03/08/20 02:49 AM |
| 2 | I would love some advice on quarantine breakup etiquette with a man you don't live with and have been socially distancing from.Thank you for the input! I ended up deciding on a phone call. I'll be doing it tomorrow night. The spark suggestion is such a good idea! Like you said, it's something really hard to quantify in exact terms. "It's best to be kind in any circumstances, if only for your soul." I love that. And recently, I've been working on internalizing how I (and others) can still put kindness into the world without putting myself on the backburner. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/07/20 06:03 AM |
| 2 | I would love some advice on quarantine breakup etiquette with a man you don't live with and have been socially distancing from.That's a really good perspective and something I'll keep in mind! I'm gonna write about this in my journal some more before officially breaking it off, and that's a point I'll definitely be writing down. Thank you for the encouragement, that means so much! I confided in my best friend I was embarassed by how much of a pickme I discovered I was, but she also pointed out how even then, I never betrayed my boundaries in a major way and now have more experience under my belt. Like you said, it's a l… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/07/20 05:57 AM |
| 108 | Yes. Yes. Yes.As a bisexual woman, there are so many times I can't relate to the way straight men talk about the women they're (supposedly) attracted to. Recently, a straight man started talking about girls with me, and one of the first things he asked was "tits or ass." I was like buddy, I don't think we view women the same way. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/07/20 05:51 AM |
| 3 | I would love some advice on quarantine breakup etiquette with a man you don't live with and have been socially distancing from.Thank you, I appreciate your reply! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/07/20 03:00 PM |
| 2 | I would love some advice on quarantine breakup etiquette with a man you don't live with and have been socially distancing from.I've definitely decided against doing a meeting in person. I'm leaning towards a phone call based on a lot of the advice here. Thank you for your reply! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/07/20 02:59 PM |
| 1 | I would love some advice on quarantine breakup etiquette with a man you don't live with and have been socially distancing from.Thank you for the reply! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/07/20 02:58 PM |
| 4 | I would love some advice on quarantine breakup etiquette with a man you don't live with and have been socially distancing from.I've 100% decided against doing it in-person. I think it'd be awkward having to stand/sit 6 feet apart. A lot of places are closed where we live (or I don't feel comfortable going), so not a lot of options for neutral locations. I also don't want to risk him getting upset then breaking social distancing between us (or worse, though my gut tells me he wouldn't do something worse). Thank you for the reply! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/07/20 02:57 PM |
| 2 | I would love some advice on quarantine breakup etiquette with a man you don't live with and have been socially distancing from.Thank you for your reply! Yeah, I think ghosting would be too much in this situation. What are your thoughts on providing an explanation beyond "I've enjoyed this, but I don't think we're a good fit"? For example, if he (calmly) asked why I don't think we're a good fit, would you give any kind of response? Or would you say you don't wish to discuss things further? | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/07/20 02:55 PM |
| 2 | I would love some advice on quarantine breakup etiquette with a man you don't live with and have been socially distancing from.That all makes a lot of sense. Thank you for the response! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/07/20 02:50 PM |
| 5 | I would love some advice on quarantine breakup etiquette with a man you don't live with and have been socially distancing from.That all makes perfect sense. I'm guessing the lack of explanation, besides not owing one, is so he can't try to gaslight me into changing my mind or hurl other abuses at me? Also, I'm sorry to hear about your experiences having men get vile - men can really be something else. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/07/20 02:49 PM |
| 17 | "Sk8er Boi" by Avril Lavigne is such a pickme anthem. I'm embarrassed by how much I loved that song when I was a teenager.I wish I had those critical thinking skills when I was a kid, props to you! I was about 8 when the song came out, and I definitely remember I thought she was singing about a skateboarder, like Tony Hawk. I thought the show her friends got tickets to was a skateboarding competition 😂 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/07/20 01:56 PM |
| 29 | "Sk8er Boi" by Avril Lavigne is such a pickme anthem. I'm embarrassed by how much I loved that song when I was a teenager.Oh my god, I was listening to ABBA shortly before finding FDS, and even back then I was like wait...why is there a song about waiting around for a guy? Even The Winner Takes it All is cringey. Like no sis, he does not. You can live a perfectly wonderful, fulfilling life without a man. You are not the "loser." He and the other girl aren't the "winners." | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/07/20 01:53 PM |
| 15 | I would love some advice on quarantine breakup etiquette with a man you don't live with and have been socially distancing from.Thank you for the response! If you don't mind my asking, is there a reason you suggest a text over a phone call? (This isn't me doubting you, I'm just trying to gain perspectice.) Thank you! :) | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/07/20 02:58 AM |
| 1 | Stay cool ladies 😎you're welcome! ❤️ | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/07/20 01:09 AM |
| 1 | My parents have been married for over 30 years, and my dad still regularly surprises my mom with little gifts. (He does the same for me.) Small gestures actually mean so much.Sorry for the delayed reply! That's an interesting question. Do you think buying fruit from a farmstand and flowers from a local florist count as problematic consumerism? That could perhaps provide a good balance. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/07/20 12:23 AM |
| 4 | Stay cool ladies 😎I used to have that problem! Then, when I developed more of a regular skincare routine that included a cleanser, moisturizer, exfoliant, and sunscreen, I found my moisturizer sank in better. My dermatologist actually mentioned how exfoliating helps moisturizer work better because then it'a not sitting on a bunch of dead skin. /r/skincareaddiction has been a real lifesaver for me too | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 03/07/20 12:26 PM |
| 2 | The only man I loveI actually just sent in the beginnings of my verification process tonight! So I'm in the process of joining the FDS discord. Definitely not a moderator, however my username on there is feminist-hermione. I take it you're on there? | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/06/20 05:31 AM |
| 2 | My parents have been married for over 30 years, and my dad still regularly surprises my mom with little gifts. (He does the same for me.) Small gestures actually mean so much.Aw, I'm glad to hear you've had such a positive experience with your dad! I also feel very blessed to have a HVM for a father. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/06/20 05:04 AM |
| 3 | The only man I loveof course - it makes me happy to see other lgbt women on here too :) | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/06/20 04:58 AM |
| 14 | Glad to see this sub survived the purgeI'm so sad. First I discovered gender critical, which led to the discovery of this sub. Gender critical's absence hit like a ton of bricks. This will too. Reddit truly hates women. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/06/20 04:49 AM |
| 11 | The only man I loveAnother user pointed out how compulsory heterosexuality is worth looking into. Even if you don't think you're a lesbian, the "am I a lesbian?" masterdoc is a pretty helpful starting point! It personally helped me realize my attraction to women is real and not fake and how some of my attraction to men was born of societal pressure. (If you're into academic reading, here's the original essay that coined the term.) | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 25/06/20 07:16 PM |
| 5 | To all the pickmes browsing this subOhhh, this is fascinating! I had similar contradictions in childhood too. I don't blame my parents either, I really believe they did the best they knew how, and I love them a lot. I also had a dose of "you should have a career." My parents always told me I could live the life I wanted to, do whatever career I want, decide whether I wanted to get married and/or have kids, etc. Which was great! But then they homeschooled me in a small religious community, where more "traditional" values were uphel… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 13/06/20 08:29 PM |
| 40 | To all the pickmes browsing this subGrowing up in a relatively religious environment, I spent my childhood and teen years being fed the message that being a wife and mother is the best thing that could ever happen to me. It was what God wanted. It can be really difficult to get rid of that internalized message, and it makes me so sad to think of all the young women who are still being taught these things. To make things even more intense, I had shit thrown at me like wives are supposed to be submissive to their husbands (based on … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 12/06/20 05:21 PM |
| 20 | I love all the newbiesI already loved this sub when I first started lurking. Getting flaired "at-risk pick me youth" when I first posted instead of "newbie" made me realize I really needed to get my shit together, and I appreciated this sub even more. Because that's why I joined - to help me get my shit together on becoming a HVW and dating HVM. 💕 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 09/06/20 04:56 AM |
| 2 | Sending a cheating married father to the local dumpgood riddance indeed!! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/06/20 04:00 PM |
| 2 | Sending a cheating married father to the local dumpI'll update my original comment accordingly that it seems the screen recording option doesn't always work. Thanks for the input! (Also, thank you for rescuing the cat! Animal rescue makes the world a little brighter of a place.) | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 02/06/20 08:21 PM |
| 2 | Sending a cheating married father to the local dumpOhhhh, that sucks. So it looks like screen recording is a risky move. I'll update my original comment accordingly. Thanks for letting me know! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 02/06/20 08:19 PM |
| 1 | Sending a cheating married father to the local dumpOh really? I just did an experiment with my best friend, and she said she didn't get a notification when I screenrecorded a video she sent me on Snapchat. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 02/06/20 05:41 PM |
| 1 | Sending a cheating married father to the local dumpI just did an experiment with my best friend. The other user gets notifications for screenshots but not screenrecordings. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 02/06/20 05:40 PM |
| 30 | Sending a cheating married father to the local dumpI love this. I'll be keeping an eye on this post for further updates! :) | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 01/06/20 09:49 PM |
| 43 | Sending a cheating married father to the local dumpUPDATE: It turns out sceenrecording on Snapchat is a risky move. I tried it with my best friend, and she didn't get a notification, but other users commented their friends got notifications. (On that note, there's a Googleable airplane mode method a lot of people seem to recommend. I haven't tried it and can't attest.) If you have an iPhone, you can record your screen! It won't notify the other user. Then you can just grab the image from the screen recording video. You don't have to download any… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 01/06/20 09:37 PM |
| 10 | This subreddit is changing my lifeI relate to this so much! Good for you :) I started seeing someone shortly before quarantine. I'm still evaluating whether he's a HVM, but I've started cutting out my pickme habits. I don't need male validation. I don't have to worry about being single. I don't need to change myself or compromise what I want in order to keep a man around. Some of these feelings are still internalized, but now I'm conscious of them and am doing my best to combat them. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 01/06/20 04:41 PM |
| 1 | How would you react if your boyfriend wouldn't go down on you unless you shaved? Would you break up with him? Or would you consider shaving a small courtesy you're willing to grant?It's okay, same here actually :). Thanks for the reply! Those are good points about physical comfort vs. an inability to get turned on. I do agree it sounds suspect. Both trimming and shaving take care of the physical comfort aspect, but shaving is way more work, carries more risk, and looks pornesque. There's really no reason a functional guy should like shaving over trimming unless it's an appearance preference, which is yikes. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 01/06/20 03:43 PM |
| 1 | How would you react if your boyfriend wouldn't go down on you unless you shaved? Would you break up with him? Or would you consider shaving a small courtesy you're willing to grant?Oh I like that you did the numbers! 😂 It makes shaving your vulva seem like even more of a hassle when you put it that way. At least legs are seen a lot more often by way more people. (Still a double standard, but hey.) | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 01/06/20 03:39 PM |
| 51 | I couldn't resist...I just want to second the other commenters pointing out that while this meme is funny, the R-slur really isn't appropriate. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 31/05/20 04:56 AM |
| 2 | Compromising vs SettlingI know this post is a bit old, but I just wanted to thank you for making it. I'm new to FDS, and something I'm working on is allowing myself to realize it doesn't make me shallow or mean if I lose interest in a guy because I realize there are parts of our core values that aren't compatible. (That might sound obvious, but I'm talking about things that aren't red flags but simply neutral differences in lifestyle.) | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 29/05/20 07:22 PM |
| 3 | Get the cat, ditch the bfI just found out the guy I'm dating right now is pretty allergic to cats. (Thanks to discovering FDS, this will be something I screen for on first dates in the future.) I love cats (and would never give one up for a man). My mom suggested my elderly cat probably wouldn't be an issue longterm if things get real serious with this guy. Then I could just not have cats in the future after my cat passes away. You know what? Fuck that. Why should I have to give up having pet cats for the rest of my lif… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 29/05/20 04:56 PM |
| 1 | How would you react if your boyfriend wouldn't go down on you unless you shaved? Would you break up with him? Or would you consider shaving a small courtesy you're willing to grant?Good for you for sticking to your principles. A lot of commenters have been pointing out how wanting to be so controlling over something like your shaving preferences is a red flag that he could be controlling over other things regarding your body. Thanks for the reply! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 28/05/20 06:11 PM |
| 2 | How would you react if your boyfriend wouldn't go down on you unless you shaved? Would you break up with him? Or would you consider shaving a small courtesy you're willing to grant?Ha, I love it. Thanks for the reply! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 28/05/20 06:09 PM |
| 2 | How would you react if your boyfriend wouldn't go down on you unless you shaved? Would you break up with him? Or would you consider shaving a small courtesy you're willing to grant?I feel a little embarrassed for even considering this could be a normal request, but I'm glad I reached out to FDS because you all have made me realize I'm not overreacting for having an uncomfortable feeling about this. (Hopefully I'm one step closer to shedding all pickme tendencies and thought patterns.) | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 27/05/20 06:25 PM |
| 3 | How would you react if your boyfriend wouldn't go down on you unless you shaved? Would you break up with him? Or would you consider shaving a small courtesy you're willing to grant?Thank you for the wake up call! I was about to make a hypothetical comment about how maybe he doesn't watch porn but his exes were all shaved, so he's been "taught" by porn but isn't a direct consumer. But you know what? This guy is 26. It's not my job to defend him and open his eyes into realizing shaved genitals are an unrealistic, creepy side effect of porn culture. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 27/05/20 06:20 PM |
| 2 | How would you react if your boyfriend wouldn't go down on you unless you shaved? Would you break up with him? Or would you consider shaving a small courtesy you're willing to grant?You're absolutely right. I guess I'm just concerned about how I'll feel if that's a dealbreaker for him. I need to determine whether or not shaving is truly something I'm not willing to do. (I realize only I can determine this answer, but everyone's comments have been helping me navigate my feelings.) Thank you for your response! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 25/05/20 07:18 AM |
| 2 | How would you react if your boyfriend wouldn't go down on you unless you shaved? Would you break up with him? Or would you consider shaving a small courtesy you're willing to grant?These are such good points! I'm seconding the reply that says this could be a post. Thank you for your reply! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/05/20 03:08 PM |
| 3 | How would you react if your boyfriend wouldn't go down on you unless you shaved? Would you break up with him? Or would you consider shaving a small courtesy you're willing to grant?Thank you for the reply! It does seem a weirdly big request to make before he's even seen me naked. Is it pickmeisha of me to say I could see asking if a partner would be okay with trimming after having slept together? But that isn't based on appearances so much as practicality. I guess that's at least part of what makes me uncomfy about guys asking women to shave. Trimming and shaving accomplish the same goal of getting pubic hair out of the way. But shaving is more work and carries more risks … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/05/20 03:05 PM |
| 1 | How would you react if your boyfriend wouldn't go down on you unless you shaved? Would you break up with him? Or would you consider shaving a small courtesy you're willing to grant?Thank you for the reply! This is definitely going down in my journal as a yellow or red flag. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/05/20 02:56 PM |
| 1 | How would you react if your boyfriend wouldn't go down on you unless you shaved? Would you break up with him? Or would you consider shaving a small courtesy you're willing to grant?I'm glad to hear he's an ex! Thank you for sharing your experience. It will definitely stick in my mind going forward with this guy. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/05/20 02:49 PM |
| 5 | How would you react if your boyfriend wouldn't go down on you unless you shaved? Would you break up with him? Or would you consider shaving a small courtesy you're willing to grant?That's a super valid point. I'm embarrassed to admit we only went out twice pre-quarantine but have been doing virtual dates about twice a week (and texting every day) during quarantine. We also did two socially distanced dates outdoors. Unfortunately I didn't discover FDS until partway through quarantine or else I might have done things a little differently at the start. (I also naively didn't realize how long quarantine would be.) I maybe shouldn't have committed to sex so early, but I didn't … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/05/20 03:28 AM |
| 7 | How would you react if your boyfriend wouldn't go down on you unless you shaved? Would you break up with him? Or would you consider shaving a small courtesy you're willing to grant?Thank you for the comment. I love your confidence! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/05/20 03:24 AM |
| 1 | How would you react if your boyfriend wouldn't go down on you unless you shaved? Would you break up with him? Or would you consider shaving a small courtesy you're willing to grant?Ooo, good point. On one hand, I suppose anyone can hypothetically have any preference they want. On the other hand, asking a woman to shave is way different than asking her to trim. It's not a simple request. Trimming and shaving both serve the practical purpose of avoiding a mouthful of hair, but shaving carries so many extra risks (razor burn, ingrown hairs, sweatier genitalia, etc.). | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/05/20 03:23 AM |
| 2 | How would you react if your boyfriend wouldn't go down on you unless you shaved? Would you break up with him? Or would you consider shaving a small courtesy you're willing to grant?I'm worried about that too :/. I hope this doesn't sound like I'm defending men. I hope I'm not being naive in thinking there are men out there with this preference not because they're personally pornsick but because we live in a pornsick society. So they've just kinda been taught shaved female genitalia is the "norm." | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/05/20 03:20 AM |
| 1 | How would you react if your boyfriend wouldn't go down on you unless you shaved? Would you break up with him? Or would you consider shaving a small courtesy you're willing to grant?I guess I can't decide how important not shaving is to me; as in whether I can be with someone who won't perform oral unless I shave. I realize FDS can't answer this in the end, but all of the comments have really been helping me navigate my feelings. Liking completely shaved genitalia reeks of porn culture to me too. That being said (and I hope this doesn't sound like I'm defending men), I hope I'm not being naive in thinking there are men out there with this preference not because they're pers… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/05/20 03:17 AM |
| 2 | How would you react if your boyfriend wouldn't go down on you unless you shaved? Would you break up with him? Or would you consider shaving a small courtesy you're willing to grant?Good point! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/05/20 03:07 AM |
| 2 | How would you react if your boyfriend wouldn't go down on you unless you shaved? Would you break up with him? Or would you consider shaving a small courtesy you're willing to grant?Oh, that's a really good perspective! I bet porn culture contributes to all these super specific preferences :/ | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/05/20 03:05 AM |
| 2 | How would you react if your boyfriend wouldn't go down on you unless you shaved? Would you break up with him? Or would you consider shaving a small courtesy you're willing to grant?haha thank you for the response! I'm basically ready to reserve a section in my journal where I record green, red, and yellow flags. Hopefully that's not cruel ¯_(ツ)_/¯ | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/05/20 03:02 AM |
| 2 | How would you react if your boyfriend wouldn't go down on you unless you shaved? Would you break up with him? Or would you consider shaving a small courtesy you're willing to grant?That's a super valid point. I'm embarrassed to admit we only went out twice pre-quarantine but have been doing virtual dates about twice a week (and texting every day) during quarantine. We also did two socially distanced dates outdoors. Unfortunately I didn't discover FDS until partway through quarantine or else I might have done things a little differently at the start. (I also naively didn't realize how long quarantine would be.) I'm not sure about his porn use, supporting the idea I should v… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/05/20 02:58 AM |
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