~ archived since 2018 ~
~ archived since 2018 ~
| Upvotes | Title | Category | Author | Subreddit | Date (UTC) |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 75 | *Who* are these men that go through divorce once and then *get married again,* and WTF are they thinking?? | fives_gw | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/11/23 06:55 PM | |
| 73 | You can really tell who the Walk-Away Wives are on r/divorce, can't you? | fives_gw | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/09/23 02:01 AM | |
| 10 | Amusing exchange with my daughters over pop music | fives_gw | /r/Divorce_Men | 17/04/24 08:54 PM |
| Upvotes | Comment on | Subreddit | Date (UTC) |
|---|---|---|---|
| 4 | Question for divorced men considering remarriage. Prudence or overcorrection?You know what creates a systemic power imbalance massively in favor of women on average (who are overwhelmingly the lower earning spouse)? "Regular" (no-prenup) legal marriage. In the most perverse cases, men taught since birth that they need to "provide" to be worth anything contribute disproportionately (sometimes overwhelmingly so) to "shared" assets that then get split 50/50. Must be nice to generate, say, 2% of "shared" assets and the have the force of the state behind you to collect 50% an… | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/02/26 03:22 AM |
| 2 | Ex wife is claiming I owe her half the value of MY inheritance from my late father, my GA divorce lawyer isnt helpingGuy, you need to give it up. You are 100% dead wrong as a matter of law about what happens to this type of asset in a divorce. Why do you think everyone is downvoting your comments here and upvoting mine? Can you puzzle that one out, Sherlock? | /r/Divorce_Men | 04/02/26 02:58 AM |
| 6 | Ex wife is claiming I owe her half the value of MY inheritance from my late father, my GA divorce lawyer isnt helpingAnd an extensive history of posting here substantively. And the requisite legal education to call out your idiotic (anti) contribution above. | /r/Divorce_Men | 04/02/26 12:53 AM |
| 9 | Ex wife is claiming I owe her half the value of MY inheritance from my late father, my GA divorce lawyer isnt helpingInheritances not commingled with marital assets are generally separate property (in virtually all US jurisdictions at least). Meaning they are not subject to division like marital assets are. Insanely unhelpful to make dead wrong legal assertions like you know the first thing about the law on this. | /r/Divorce_Men | 04/02/26 12:30 AM |
| 3 | Lovebombing, sex, and attn, oh my! Until it’s notSame position financially. I try not to dwell on it as much as I can avoid doing so, but it's just ridiculous, objectively, how much "the system" of legal marriage gave my ex wife an absolute windfall, and me an absolute ass-fucking, on a lifetime financial scale. Legal marriage got her set for life financially, and left me with less than half of what I earned over about a decade of by far my highest earnings. Millions of dollars that she now has and didn't earn, that I earned and now don't have… | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/10/25 12:45 AM |
| 3 | What music do you like now?This is pure essence of schadenfreude right here, I'll tell you hwat. | /r/Divorce_Men | 02/09/25 09:53 PM |
| 2 | How long to get remarried after divorce?Reliable stats that men pay over 90% of all of the alimony paid (down from something absurd like 98% just a few years ago) probably a better indicator than your nonsense anecdotal experience. It's also not some weird coincidence, or because women are making some huge sacrifice to have children (as only they biologically can, and typically choose to freely, and happily accepting having their lifestyle paid for while they have the luxury of raising their own children without concern about putting … | /r/Divorce_Men | 19/08/25 09:27 PM |
| 4 | New Girlfriend Suddenly Not Feeling ItAs others have said in multiple comments here: she's "suddenly not feeling it"? Why in the world would she ever have been feeling it? Take on all the burden of raising someone else's kids (not just the work she's clearly putting in, but the significant life restrictions she wouldn't otherwise have, like being tied to where you/they live, and then also not being able to take vacations as she'd otherwise choose to?), and then not even have the corresponding say like a parent would in the parenting… | /r/Divorce_Men | 17/08/25 10:33 PM |
| 1 | We signed custody at 50/50. She's hinted at trying to make things difficult down the road. How do I protect myself now?Yeah, fair, I get it. Certainly the better course, and admirable to admit it, esp publicly. Was funny to me in the moment, though. But like you say, probably the high road is the better path in most or all things. Everyone is fallible. | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/08/25 11:23 AM |
| 2 | We signed custody at 50/50. She's hinted at trying to make things difficult down the road. How do I protect myself now?Fucking lol, love it! (From one of this community's best.) | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/08/25 01:04 AM |
| 3 | 7 yearsSmall consolation now, but just thank fuck that you have no kids (a 15 to 20 year sentence of dealing with her all the damn time, and lingering for life even after that), that you're still quite young, and that the marriage (if it was going to fail) wasn't even longer. You're going through all the shit feelings now, but we all promise you those will fade with time. You got out relatively not-destroyed, on the divorce spectrum, and that's a genuine silver lining (keep in mind many face all those … | /r/Divorce_Men | 21/07/25 04:41 PM |
| 5 | Here’s a FML story for you!Cue "wtf did I just read" meme on this, man... | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/07/25 07:18 PM |
| 1 | Why is she rewarded for blowing up our family. It's got to stop.Yes, and exactly my claim is that that half of uncapped millions that the law, in particular instances, awards is ludicrously disproportionate to any actually reasonable valuation of the labor she did. The law / institution of marriage, under its default rules, can lead to gallingly unjust outcomes when the actual contributions of the specific parties in a given marriage are vastly unequal. Just because the legal rules are what they are now doesn't mean they are morally just or fair as applied t… | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/07/25 06:08 PM |
| 1 | Why is she rewarded for blowing up our family. It's got to stop.Wtf are you even talking about, as if one can meaningfully generalize what any given man and any given woman does in a particular, actual marriage? I know for a fact that whatever indescribably difficult labor you think she was doing in her sleep (fucking lol) as a stay at home mom was not anything anyone sane would have paid any human millions of dollars to do. You know that reasonable people can assign reasonable values to things humans actually do, right? Imagine a world where individual, act… | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/07/25 05:44 PM |
| 1 | Why is she rewarded for blowing up our family. It's got to stop.Right, mommying around while the man supports 100% of your lifestyle (and probably also does 50/50 on the home front in addition, I know I did!) is the hardest job in the world! How absolutely delusional can you be? It just actually is not. That. Difficult. How do I know? Cause I did half of that shit myself in addition to earning all of "our" money during the marriage. And I do it all now for my kids and myself, post divorce, without even batting an eye. But somehow no amount of millions that h… | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/07/25 05:34 PM |
| 10 | Has anyone else experienced this sudden 180 from breadcrumbing to intense sex + emotional whiplash?Post is roughly: "Is this woman who's acting thoroughly and unambiguously batshit crazy a good call to double down on?" Obviously she's not, based on the description. Who has time or energy for that much bullshit drama and ridiculously high relationship-maintenance cost? Certainly not me, for one. Probably not many men here who have learned the lessons from the divorce experience, if they're smart and paying any attention. Fuck her for as long as you can tolerate her nonsense (provided it doesn'… | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/07/25 03:33 PM |
| 1 | Finalized Separation Agreement - fucked less than trial - still fucked.Absolutely, there's almost nothing that anyone has ever said about divorce, as a legal matter, that I agree with harder than what you wrote. Strictly as a matter of completely nonsensical/unfair/unjustifiable legal rules, I don't think there's anything that can touch the double-dip/inconsistency in how the courts (totally artificially) treat the asset split and support differently. Exactly as you wrote. Asset split time? Who earned what means nothing (she wins). Support time? (As noted above, th… | /r/Divorce_Men | 15/06/25 12:44 AM |
| 4 | Finalized Separation Agreement - fucked less than trial - still fucked.Also, just because she's (much) worse off than when you were pulling the lion's share of the financial weight in the so-called partnership (i.e., when she was benefitting from 100% of your earning power, instead of just a still-wildly-unfair fraction of it post-divorce) doesn't mean shit. The right comparison is where she is vs where she would have been if she only got paid in proportion to the value (wage and otherwise) that she actually provided in her life, with or without you. I assume she -… | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/06/25 07:50 PM |
| 5 | Finalized Separation Agreement - fucked less than trial - still fucked.Am I an outlier having agreed to exchange tax returns / pay stubs etc annually and adjust child support if there's a significant (more than 10% in support owed) change? This was positioned as basically standard in my mediation, and the lawyer I had reviewing didn't suggest it was anything but typical. I mean, I get that you still come out ahead even with increased child support by making more. Just annoying to still have the ex's hand in my pocket any time I earn more. | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/06/25 07:35 PM |
| 1 | Why is she rewarded for blowing up our family. It's got to stop.Why should assets from "a marriage period" be split 50/50 no matter what in all circumstances in your mind? Sure, that's what the legal rule is currently. I'm making a normative argument that the current rule leads to wildly unfair results in some cases (many of which men here have experienced personally), and it would be borderline trivially easy to implement a different, better rule that reached something much closer to a fair result in all cases by just considering the facts of each unique ca… | /r/Divorce_Men | 04/06/25 10:24 PM |
| 6 | Why is she rewarded for blowing up our family. It's got to stop.Why would it "make sense" without running any actual numbers? Sounds like the argument every lower-earning woman makes whenever this comes up, ad nauseam. Sure, if a reasonable valuation of her contributions was "about equal to" 50% of the assets he generated, yeah, ok maybe fine to call it a wash. But it's ridiculous that so many (mostly women) who benefit from the blanket-50/50-split rule act like it's some inscrutable task to assign reasonable values to what each did or contributed in the par… | /r/Divorce_Men | 04/06/25 09:58 PM |
| 7 | In a rush to have me sign paperwork….Without any details, it's pretty safe to assume that if she's pressing for signing something and you don't have a lawyer, you can bet it's not in your interest to sign. Very likely even with the limited details you've provided that you're about to agree to less than you should or could get based on the law. In a world where it's the vastly more common case that women are the financially lesser-contributing party (and make out like bandits under divorce laws as a result), you should be damn sure … | /r/Divorce_Men | 04/06/25 09:47 PM |
| 14 | "Family"I totally empathize with all of this sentiment, OP. It still pisses the fuck out of me, internally, every time a situation arises where I face the choice of either sitting together with the ex as a show of solidarity for the kids (e.g., at a soccer game or kid play or performance or whatever), or not doing that and incurring the cost to the kids of seeing that divide. So far, I've made the affirmative choice to just suck it up and deal with the anger/sadness/resentment etc that "pretending" to b… | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/06/25 08:06 PM |
| 1 | Married to a doctor isn’t all good.I mean, yeah, in fairness I do agree with your point re avoiding the very specific construction of "all X do Y". Was a hasty shorthand for the (empirically valid) assertion that it's the overwhelmingly common case. But I take the point that saying "all" as a shorthand has some downside that's better avoided. What you should, correspondingly, acknowledge is that coming in here with the gender equivalent of an "all lives matter" rebuttal actively undermines, whether it's your intention or not, the… | /r/Divorce_Men | 01/06/25 05:15 PM |
| 1 | Married to a doctor isn’t all good.Ok, so why don't you go loudly advocate with your fellow women to cut out "take him for all he's got!", which is not only common, but gallingly socially acceptable. Meanwhile, I'll make zero apology for recognizing the reality that the divorce laws as currently constituted overwhelmingly screw over men. And it actively undermines advocacy for the group actually disadvantaged in practice to go, "ackshuallly, divorce laws screw over some PEOPLE --- (oh, and side note, 9 out of 10 of those 'people'… | /r/Divorce_Men | 01/06/25 04:53 PM |
| 1 | Married to a doctor isn’t all good.Bully for you, lady, for being in the tiny minority of women who actually get to experience first hand how utterly fucked over the average man is in divorce. I'd love nothing more than for gender roles to equalize to point where it was a coin flip whether it was the man or the woman earning more, and getting divorce-law-fucked accordingly (you know, like any actual feminist should want, if she weren't just advocating for what was in the financial interests of women on average??). The genders equ… | /r/Divorce_Men | 01/06/25 04:24 PM |
| 1 | Married to a doctor isn’t all good.Ok, real big edit to "the vast vast majority of women in this position." Absolutely picking nits. And, yes, objective reality where (1) it's overwhelmingly women in the catbird seat of being the lower earner in a divorce and (2) it's overwhelmingly common that women in that position stop at nothing to wring every last cent that they're "legally entitled to" out of their STBX can be difficult to process if you go "ALERT! POSSIBLE REDPILL PERSPECTIVE DETECTED, REJECT OUT OF HAND WITHOUT CONSIDERIN… | /r/Divorce_Men | 01/06/25 04:00 PM |
| 1 | First meeting with divorce lawyer, left me feeling deflated and unsupportedI wanted? Uh, no. She was an equally educated professional who chose 100% on her own initiative -- with zero pressure but complete support from me (because that's what I naively assumed, again, taking the social narrative seriously, that a "good" husband should do; accommodate his wife's preference on how she wanted to raise kids or have a career?) -- to decline to earn her own way in favor of her preference of raising her own kids with total autonomy (provided by my work) to do that. Also a jok… | /r/Divorce_Men | 30/05/25 03:25 PM |
| 2 | First meeting with divorce lawyer, left me feeling deflated and unsupportedBecause I was young and naive and bought into the bullshit fairy tale society sells hard that lifetime commitment means anything or is at all binding on her / the lower earner (the way that marriage instantly bound my earning power with the full backing of the state)? Wtf is your point? Simple, bro, just go back in time and magically gain the insight to see that the narrative and gender role pushed to you since birth is actually complete bullshit contrary to your interests and make a different d… | /r/Divorce_Men | 30/05/25 03:00 PM |
| 0 | First meeting with divorce lawyer, left me feeling deflated and unsupportedSpoiler alert: courts are still going to give her half even when the man is "a very high earner and high net worth." That's when the blind application of at best 50/50 (or more in her favor...) always, no matter the facts gets most insanely unfair. (Ask me how I know...) I.e., when there is absolutely zero straight-faced (reasonable) argument that her homemaking, having the absolute privilege to take care of kids that are hers too with zero worry about having to bring in any money for the family… | /r/Divorce_Men | 29/05/25 10:19 PM |
| 3 | Is my lawyer being a pussy or am I over reacting?Translation: he's checking boxes and probably doing an "ok enough" job, but certainly not fighting for your interests hard because the actual result doesn't make a whit of difference to how much he gets paid. Just walking you through the unfolding fuck-over process (and minimizing disruption to him while you go down in flames) still gets him the same fees. | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/05/25 06:59 PM |
| 21 | Married to a doctor isn’t all good.Divorce and take her for half the assets she earned virtually all of, alimony, and child support. You know, like every woman would (and does) when the roles are, in the overwhelmingly more common case, reversed. You're set for life thanks to legal marriage, congrats. I wish more men got to benefit from the upside of the absurdly unbalanced bargain. Watch her go absolutely apeshit as she experiences what the average man does in divorce proceedings. | /r/Divorce_Men | 18/04/25 02:59 PM |
| 17 | How do you do it- child support and alimony.Imagine a system where a man in this guy's dire financial situation is ordered to pay ALIMONY. Yeah, OP really seems like Mr Moneybags over here, better order him to nakedly subsidize some woman's existence. Absolutely unconscionable. Sorry, OP, stay strong and keep grinding, you don't deserve this ridiculous injustice. | /r/Divorce_Men | 11/04/25 02:48 PM |
| 1 | When men say they don't care how much she makesWhy would the shitty actions of your ex negate any of what I wrote above? Every single good, loyal, hardworking man who PrOvIDeS like our society tells him from birth he must to be worthy as a man (the far, far, far more common case than the shameless abusive cad who "deserves" divorce) gets fucked for exactly the reasons I laid out at length above. The legal rules don't say "well, this particular guy was a shitty, cheating alcoholic, so that's why he has to shell out a financial windfall." No, … | /r/Divorce_Men | 20/03/25 08:48 PM |
| 9 | When men say they don't care how much she makesImagine not just admitting but proudly declaring that your primary value, by your own admission, is just showing up with your "youth, fertility, and time" -- i.e., he gets to fuck you for a while and have the supreme privilege of just your company while you're still together? And for that alone you're entitled, in your very clearly articulated view, to monetary compensation in the form of half the assets he overwhelmingly earned (plus support and alimony!) whenever you deign to dip out? Sounds l… | /r/Divorce_Men | 20/03/25 06:45 PM |
| 7 | Well I lost…As an uninvolved third party reading your story, I can tell you that there appears to be nothing more you could realistically have done. So the brutal loss here is absolutely not on any 'failure' by you. The system -- and their mother -- failed them, horribly. That is not. On. You. So you can be much kinder to yourself and not blame yourself for that, truly. As others have said, it's absolutely no comfort in your current stage, but the way forward now is just to keep building and being the best … | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/03/25 02:45 PM |
| 24 | Well I lost…So sorry man. This absolutely turns my stomach to read. Every shrew posting on r/divorce about how dads don't get custody because "tHeY dOn'T wAnT iT" and there's ackshualllly not absurd, devastating bias against men in the system needs to read this post. Guy drives himself to verge of broke fighting for what should be his default right to 50/50 custody, should get it, and this happens. And he's fucking genuinely devastated, and the children are profoundly worse off without equal access to their… | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/03/25 02:24 PM |
| 1 | Controlling behavior during the separation and no seeming motivation to go through with a divorceWho earns more, you? If it's you, she has little (financial) incentive to hurry things along. Every day that passes is a dollar she gets half of that she earns less than half of... | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/03/25 12:16 AM |
| 5 | Need a reality checkThe reason is because you're virtually brainwashed by society (like so many men, myself included for many years) into supporting a bullshit provider/protector gender role that leaves you open to massive exploitation that very many women take advantage of. Your ex is leveraging exactly that gender role to her financial advantage (and your detriment) now. This is work you need to do to get yourself to a more healthy mindset where women aren't on some pedestal for you to white-knight for. And the o… | /r/Divorce_Men | 23/02/25 06:06 PM |
| 3 | Need a reality checkRead my longer reply to you below. You could get 70/30 (or more, in your favor) by default operation of the legal rules, on top of child support (and alimony!). Considering anything less is absolutely crazy, and not what virtually any woman in your position would do. Stop behaving like you need to take care of your ex and look out for her interests while she's sitting there (demonstrably, objectively, based on the bad-faith "offer" description) going for the throat against you. I've been that gu… | /r/Divorce_Men | 23/02/25 05:45 PM |
| 1 | Need a reality checkI mean this in the most tough-love way possible: you need to pull your head out of your ass. So many aspects of this "deal" are absurdly stacked against you vs what you're legally entitled to. You need to be consulting with a lawyer yesterday who can educate you on this before you get supremely taken advantage of financially. You can still run the mediation yourself, with the lawyer just advising you in the background. That's what I did with my ex, with much higher dollar values at stake. As a m… | /r/Divorce_Men | 23/02/25 05:18 PM |
| 1 | 3 days in. Struggling to Move ForwardEveryone going through the worst of it should read this comment daily, or as often as they need to remind themselves. It echoes many of the very common themes in this forum that many others (and Gattsama himself) have posted hundreds of times, but I can hardly think of any other comment that nails the big picture (with practical, nuts and bolts, daily-practice advice to boot!) quite so perfectly as this does. Reread and internalize every bit of this, gents, because this is the way. So many dimen… | /r/Divorce_Men | 11/02/25 03:41 PM |
| 4 | How many wives admitted they regret the divorce?Jesus Christ, no joke, thank you for this reply to the above comment. I get (and, in the right context, agree with) the idea of self-improvement being one's main takeaway after going through divorce as a man. But it strikes me as just moronic to pretend like a given divorced man's life couldn't, in certain dimensions, be objectively worse/harder etc after weathering the huge life hit of a divorce. No doubt that there's probably also opportunities mixed in there -- ways in which it's already bett… | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/02/25 03:54 AM |
| 3 | Why do you cry these days? Who do you cry to and how often?Don't know who earns more money, but if it's you you have every reason to rip off the divorce bandaid ASAP before she takes half of an even larger amount. | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/02/25 07:07 PM |
| 7 | Head in the Sand.with a local jujitsu instructor Found Tom Brady's account (funny, though, that that other thread just mentioned him...) | /r/Divorce_Men | 11/01/25 04:32 AM |
| 34 | The divorce subreddit is sickening!!!!It's almost funny (...if it weren't actually so harmful...) for me to see men earlier in the process coming to exactly the same realization I did after spending way too much time on the cesspool of anti-man (and maybe more accurately: pro-woman) bias that is the main r/divorce sub. Here's a comment I posted on this sub, the only place on Reddit any man should go for support, a couple of months ago (for the benefit of those earlier in this process than I am now): Just a mental health-preserving t… | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/01/25 06:59 PM |
| 8 | I need a divorced guys inputAny divorced man who gets burned badly by divorce (as so many do, because legal marriage in our era works so clearly against many of their interests) would have to be downright stupid (many are! looking at you, men who remarry...) not to learn a lesson from that experience and emerge more self-protective in any subsequent relationship. He's probably protecting himself, and probably has very rational, experience-based reasons, after going through a divorce, for wanting to do so. That protection c… | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/12/24 05:48 AM |
| 3 | TherapyGlad it resonated with you. Other men seeing their own experiences "seen" / validated is, I think, one of the absolute most valuable things about this forum, and the main reason I bother to write up these detailed responses here at all. Another thing you realize reading this forum is that the same patterns happen over and over and over. There's some comfort in having that validation, I think. Especially when one is in the position of legit busting their ass as hard as possible and still takes, b… | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/12/24 07:35 PM |
| 3 | TherapyThe "checking out" / being over it / not being willing to invest any real effort into changing themselves likely has very little to do with gender and everything to do with who decides to leave. Based on my own experience (and hearing many others' stories here, and just based on logic), I think the leaver is virtually always going to be the one showing cold-seeming (to the other party) lack of investment, unwillingness to work on themselves or the relationship, and the dumpee is likely to try wh… | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/12/24 05:42 PM |
| 2 | How do women keep guys in bad marriagesTell me more about my "problems" that you've imagined out of whole cloth. You don't know the first thing about me you absolutely preposterous Internet Woman. The only context that matters speaks for itself: you've welcomed yourself into a support subreddit by and for divorced or divorcing men to tell them that "ackshuallly, posters of r/divorce_men, you're wrong and here's why, take it from me, a woman, why what you've lived through in the uniquely gendered experience of divorce as a man in fact… | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/12/24 05:50 AM |
| 2 | How do women keep guys in bad marriagesCool, not divorced, just a dead-on parroter of the greatest hits of Women's Divorce Rationalization 101 talking points (see my comment above for another example from your comment history here, in addition to this thread) who likes to argue back against men who actually are going through divorce (and seeking male support in their own community) for sport. Or, likelier, to reaffirm your own already entrenched perspectives on the subject so you can validate what you already believe and also seek so… | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/12/24 03:38 AM |
| 6 | How do women keep guys in bad marriagesNot even a remotely accurate assessment of the overall tenor of this sub, which preaches accountability over almost anything else (second only, maybe, to self-improvement). Would take genuinely motivated reasoning to reach your conclusion, which it's clear you bring in spades. And the notion of a divorced woman making the claim that it's men who are unaccountable and blame their former partners for the divorce without owning their role in it is maybe the richest thing I've ever heard. It's just … | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/12/24 03:15 AM |
| 19 | How do women keep guys in bad marriagesThe overwhelming message on this sub over almost all else is men taking accountability (for basically everything in their marriage and divorce experiences), and I see the vast, vast majority of men here ultimately doing that (or working hard to). Many, many men also have extremely legitimate complaints about downright galling treatment in the course of their marriages and divorces -- by women who take advantage of social and gender norm structures to exploit them, by courts with antiquated laws … | /r/Divorce_Men | 11/12/24 11:48 PM |
| 2 | Does ghosting your separated wife really work to bring her back?I mean, I brought in virtually all of the money. That's factual. Sure, we "worked together" and she added some value via work other than a paid job. Did she add value equal to the multiple millions of dollars she profited by when she chose to end our marriage for little good reason? Absolutely not. And that's my whole point above. Adding "some value" and working as a team still doesn't entitle the low earning woman to literal millions that far outstrip the value of her contributions in any just … | /r/Divorce_Men | 02/11/24 04:29 PM |
| 4 | Does ghosting your separated wife really work to bring her back?The divorce laws as applied to vastly disproportionate earners, especially where the earner makes a lot, are still disgustingly unjust to the high earner (overwhelmingly the husband) even accepting the premise that (obviously) homemaking/child raising etc has value that (again, obviously) deserves some compensation. I'd have been very happy to split assets accounting for some actually fair valuation of my ex's domestic work. There's no sane world where that should have been 50% of the millions i… | /r/Divorce_Men | 02/11/24 01:46 PM |
| 3 | There is hopeThis sounds like an absurdly shitty deal for you from the description here ($3k per month for life is about as bad a deal financially as one could get unless you're much richer than I expect you are; and you're basically giving up nearly all meaningful access to your kids). But cool if you're pumped about this deal, I guess? Not really much here to inspire others with, frankly. "You too can wash your hands of everything by simply following the one easy trick of agreeing to the worst divorce deal… | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/10/24 05:53 PM |
| 2 | 'Not in love'Ha, thanks. I aim to entertain as I inform, because why not have a bit of a laugh at some of the patent absurdity of so much of what we're all going through here. | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/10/24 03:39 PM |
| 4 | 'Not in love'Yeah, and this sub is the only place that has anything approaching a (more) balanced take from a man's perspective. r/divorce might as well be r/divorce_women for how adversarial it is to men's most common divorce experiences (e.g., getting walked out on by the woman, as happens in 70-90%+ of cases). Precisely my point is that r/divorce isn't some gender-balanced place -- it's ludicrously hostile to most divorced men's experience. (You basically implicitly seem to agree on that -- your reply sta… | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/10/24 12:27 AM |
| 18 | 'Not in love'Just a mental health-preserving tip for any (good, faithful, genuinely committed and well-intentioned) man going through divorce: get tf off the main r/divorce sub ASAP. In stark contrast to its purportedly gender-agnostic name, it's actually overrun with women who did exactly what your ex-wife (and mine, and so many) did, i.e., nuke their perfectly reasonable (though not perfect) family and marriage (with nothing actually divorce-worthy like cheating, addiction, real abuse etc anywhere in the p… | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/10/24 12:13 AM |
| 1 | All we can do is laugh sometimesHa, it's funny because it's so relatable. Once someone fucks you over badly enough, it's like you have to just wrap around, at some point, from actual anger to just shaking your head and laughing at how absurd the situation is. | /r/Divorce_Men | 02/10/24 07:57 PM |
| 2 | My ex hates my gutsHearing about men's lack of accountability from a (presumably divorced) woman is maybe the fucking richest thing I've ever read. Read this sub for more than 5 seconds and you see virtually every post extolling all men here to own their role in their own story, and use what they learned to better themselves. Let's recap the Divorced Woman's perspective as apparently articulated by you and every other shrew commenting your tired, biased perspective on r/divorce: (Case 1) He decided to leave? [the … | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/09/24 02:09 PM |
| 4 | First time meeting wife after moving outSimilar situation for me. Will occasionally (like a few times a year) do something like a kid's event or a holiday together for them, and things more or less feel just like the old, unified (really, objectively superior?) family that she selfishly threw away. I noticed the pattern, after a few instances of this, of me often feeling much shittier / dragged back down into negative feelings about the lost potential etc that otherwise are at most in the far background (i.e., not really bothering me … | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/09/24 06:52 PM |
| 7 | How is it fair that your wife’s financial irresponsibility becomes your burden, but your financial responsibility becomes her entitlement?Even where one partner stays home to do the concededly important job of doing more (certainly not all, at least in my case!) child care and family work etc, getting 50% of assets she earned near-to-actually-none of can still be an absolutely appalling windfall, depending on just how much the breadwinner makes. My ex walked with single-digit millions in assets, from being a homemaker (by her choice, and despite her advanced degree) for most of a decade. Do you know any full-time nannies who can b… | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/09/24 06:13 AM |
| 1 | ResentmentConfident that his nugget of wisdom had been well-appreciated, Louis promptly (and very self-awarely) whipped out his dick and started masturbating in front of his shocked fellow-comedienne acquaintance. I kid, but a Louis quote talking about both self-love and self-awareness was too good to pass up. | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/09/24 04:31 PM |
| 3 | I feel trapped after the divorce. hear me about!How many people weighing in telling you you're thinking like a selfish fuck and an embarrassment of a parent do you think it will take before you believe it and genuinely reconsider your framing of all of this, OP? That's about the best service this community can do for you, considering your post. Happy to chip in my part! | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/09/24 04:35 AM |
| 1 | My ex loves telling me about her sex life.You have a way with words here, lol. Hilarious. | /r/Divorce_Men | 04/09/24 11:15 PM |
| 9 | My ex loves telling me about her sex life.Lol, everything about that proposed message is just chef's-kiss perfect. Probably not advisable to actually do it, but hilarious to imagine it, and perfectly crafted. | /r/Divorce_Men | 04/09/24 11:01 PM |
| 5 | If you got divorced, but found a new woman you can see a future with, would you propose, or heal first and accept the loss?Why would virtually any divorced man propose to any woman ever in the future? Did you not learn how absurdly the legal contract called marriage is stacked against men in round one? What possible advantage is there to a man to agreeing to that setup-to-a-fleecing again? Risk half of your shit (and even your earning power into the future, after round two has decided to bail) on the off-chance that she doesn't behave like a woman and lose romantic interest (and thus commitment) over time? Absolutel… | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/08/24 05:56 PM |
| 4 | Stay at home dad facing possible divorceGood news, you get to take her to the cleaners and get 50% of everything she earned while married, despite earning some small fraction (or zero?) of it. And then you get child support and alimony payments out of what she earns in the future. You know, like the women getting divorced who earn little to nothing do to men in the vast majority of cases where roles are reversed. There are many other threads I'm sure you can dig up with nuts and bolts advice on the necessary legal steps you'll need to… | /r/Divorce_Men | 17/08/24 03:41 PM |
| 2 | Married woman asking for perspective.Hard to overstate just how little sympathy you're going to get in this group, OP. Literally a group where the common thread is that we're divorced men. And 70%+ (more like 90%, for college educated) of divorces are initiated by women. In large measure, women just like you come across in this post: who got what she wanted out of a man (resources, kids, support through child rearing, the social status of said family life) and then decided, basically that she was bored (or "not happy" -- naturally … | /r/Divorce_Men | 02/08/24 03:20 AM |
| 8 | After a failed marriage and seeing vows broken out of anger, I struggle to see the benefit of marriage. It seems many women's loyalty is conditional, depending on their options and the state of the relationship.Yeah, I generally agree. The era in which we now find ourselves is simply a pretty generationally unfortunate time to be a man considering (or, for most here, facing the consequences after the fact of) the institution of marriage in its current form. It's definitely not long-term sustainable for society, and (as another poster rightly highlighted in a recent comment on another post) I think we're therefore likely to see a generation-scale swinging back of the pendulum as men reject the shitty ba… | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/07/24 08:52 PM |
| 1 | Divorce or no?I grew up as a nail and I married a hammer without knowing it Such a great way to put it. Hard same. | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/07/24 03:22 AM |
| 1 | Divorce or no?Not to come across too harshly (because I really empathize with the situation, and most of us here have things we let (ex) partners get away with that clearly we shouldn't have), but how are (or were) guys like you and OP somehow okay with a wife dictating what you were and weren't "allowed" to see financially when you were also earning money that she spent??! I mean, don't get me wrong, I allowed my own ex to control the fuck out of me in many many ways that I should never have put up with. But… | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/07/24 07:19 PM |
| 2 | Is 10 years the lucky number?Yep, 100%! | /r/Divorce_Men | 22/07/24 10:46 PM |
| 4 | Is 10 years the lucky number?Lol, yep. Darkly amusing to think that my ex is out there with "her" money now, the multiple millions of dollars that I solely earned and she walked with, which will quite obviously fund the rest of her life more than anything she ever earned or earns in her lifetime. Nothing to do but try to make it back and then some and live my life by my rules from here, though! | /r/Divorce_Men | 22/07/24 09:54 PM |
| 4 | Someone enlighten meYeah, I'm a bit older than you are (with my own kids already and in no universe would I ever consider more), so it's admittedly a bit easier to just be like, "Any future kids? Uh, lol, unequivocally no," without a moment's hesitation or any hint of making any excuse or apology for it. Can see where it could be seen as more of an obstacle if you're trying to bang women who are holding out some hope of possibly having kids with you (very much age-bracket correlated). Honestly that "last ditch earl… | /r/Divorce_Men | 19/07/24 03:16 AM |
| 7 | Someone enlighten meJesus, clusterfuck. And this is why you get a vasectomy, divorced dudes. | /r/Divorce_Men | 18/07/24 11:24 PM |
| 1 | What is one line or quote you can share to help fellow divorced men?Lol. Joke's on Jim and the rest of us who actually believed the commitment piece bound her in any way whatsoever! :) Turns out she could always just decide to peace out for any reason or no reason, and the only thing bound iron-clad by the legal arrangement was half of my earnings and wealth! Tell your sons/nephews etc! :) | /r/Divorce_Men | 18/07/24 05:10 PM |
| 2 | What happens if you just stop complying altogether?Seriously, OP has the literal opportunity of a lifetime here that probably most of us on this sub would jump at in an instant if time machines existed: just don't fucking get married, dummy! :) Ribbing of OP aside, I wish anyone would have stepped up and said anything like that to me as a young man. Where was any older, experienced man who'd been through this to warn me? I guess I just didn't have the luck to be close enough to one who cared enough to share? I, for one, will absolutely warn ever… | /r/Divorce_Men | 11/07/24 03:21 AM |
| 2 | What happens if you just stop complying altogether?I definitely agree with your general perspective (across various posts on the topic) that there are certainly scenarios where essentially going rogue in an acknowledgedly unjust system is absolutely the highest probability move for actually preserving what the partner who earned all of the money should by any reasonable moral standard be entitled to. And, as you say, no lawyer will ever advise you as a client to pursue (or go along with) that sort of strategy (even when it is likeliest to be you… | /r/Divorce_Men | 11/07/24 02:58 AM |
| 8 | What happens if you just stop complying altogether?If you have a history of an income at a certain level (or qualifications like education in a particular field etc), your ex can argue that income should be imputed to you, as just "quitting your job" is your voluntary choice to be underemployed. Then you'll have to pay child support and possibly spousal support as if you were making whatever the court imputes, but you also won't be actually making that money, so doubly fucked. You honestly thought you cracked the code of post-divorce support obl… | /r/Divorce_Men | 11/07/24 01:17 AM |
| 4 | How do I even move on!Seriously, it's off-base as hell of the commenter above to suggest that someone is necessarily equally accountable for a decision when it's entirely possible (and often rampant, with gender-role dynamics) that a woman could have massively pressured having kids. I just don't think it's accurate to suggest that someone who ends up relenting to massive pressure to do something is on the same footing as having made that decision in the absence of coercion. If I'm honest with myself, I'm probably in … | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/07/24 07:38 PM |
| 9 | Can I be a dick with her lawyer ?Respectfully, as (presumably) a non-lawyer yourself, you don't appreciate all the dynamics of the exercise you're involved in in litigation. Your lawyer, who does this every day, does. I can virtually guarantee that her (correct) advice to STFU and give the most terse, boring, to the point answers possible when being deposed by opposing counsel has zero to do with wanting you to show "respect for lawyers" or anything else besides trying to best advance your legal interests in the case. By advisi… | /r/Divorce_Men | 29/06/24 04:11 AM |
| 4 | Can I be a dick with her lawyer ?+1000 to this, OP. Getting you to come across poorly (meaning anything other than completely dispassionate) is maybe the primary objective of opposing counsel in the context of deposing you, likely above even the substance of your answers. You have literally zero to gain by trying anything cute / snarky etc in your answers, and only downside risk. What's even the potential upside? You feel cool to yourself because you think you gave the opposing lawyer (and by proxy your ex) "what for"?? I can s… | /r/Divorce_Men | 29/06/24 03:55 AM |
| 1 | What do you like most about being divorced?I don't really see that "falling out of love" is the driver for the particular issue I'm talking about here. The absurdly controlling behavior I (and from reading these replies and just observing married men generally: many other men, apparently) experienced had little to do with falling out of love vs being in it. Almost from the beginning, my ex wife treated me as if I was essentially there to do her bidding. And I honestly think that what she most valued about our relationship (again, all alo… | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/06/24 03:12 PM |
| 2 | How do you manage the anger of a 50/50 financial split?For sure, took it in that spirit. I just add a contrasting view, with all respect, in the hopes of enriching the overall discussion here to help others going through it. Cheers! | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/06/24 09:06 PM |
| 1 | How do you manage the anger of a 50/50 financial split?I mean, for me (and I suspect many others with this issue on finances in particular), the sticking point is pretty clearly none of those things you listed. Would be nice and convenient if I could say, "this isn't actually about the money, I'm just mad/sad about the relationship gone wrong!" Uh, no, not really. I mean, there's some of that in other feelings of loss separately, but I view the financial loss and the pain of that in particular as a fairly independent issue. Some of us are rightly ma… | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/06/24 08:38 PM |
| 5 | How do you manage the anger of a 50/50 financial split?Exactly this. Many of the reframes (and positive spins etc) in this thread are good, and all are fundamentally correct. You have to find ways of coping with the loss and moving forward, because that's all you can do and it's in your own interest to do it. So, yeah, believe me, I've employed (and employ) all these strategies and more to help myself get over the financial loss for my own good. But at bottom, in some circumstances, it REALLY IS just infuriatingly unjust highway robbery, supported a… | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/06/24 06:50 PM |
| 5 | How to deal with been physically terrified of marrying my girlfriendWho earns more money? If you, for the love of god get a prenup. I'd advise not marrying at all after seeing the other side of divorce (and realizing that any woman can just change her mind later), but I realize that may not be realistic if you really want kids. If kids not a factor, I think it comes down to how you weigh the risk of prenup being set aside vs likelihood that she bails on the relationship absent marriage, and how much you care to (try to...) stave that off. Notice I didn't say "pr… | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/06/24 03:08 PM |
| 10 | Not another "it will get better" post.....Instantly more credibility to your version because it doesn't quickly devolve to "...I found a great new woman who's nothing like my ex, I swear... and that's why things are now good for me again!" :) Edit: To be clear, I have nothing necessarily against dating again (though no re-marriage should be a hard-line rule for anyone who now actually understands the implications of that legal arrangement, I mean come on!), provided one has one's own shit together in the right ways. The point is more th… | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/06/24 03:34 AM |
| 6 | What do you like most about being divorced?It's pretty eye-opening to me just how many of the comments here exactly track my own experience of feeling like I was constantly navigating a minefield with my ex, and she was never satisfied/always disapporoving of what I was doing even though objectively I was doing an absolute fuckton right, and as well as or much better than anyone could reasonably be expected to. Has anyone thought about where this impulse comes from in so many women in our society today?? It's clearly widespread -- as any… | /r/Divorce_Men | 19/06/24 06:45 PM |
| 2 | How much did it really cost you?It's such a damn joke that those two old reliable justifications (that she gave up some supposed income, and that she "enabled" the husband's earnings) are trotted out by women (and the apologists for completely unjust legal rules, as applied to many, many actual cases) in virtually every case, with literally zero consideration of whether those hypothetical justifications actually apply in a given case. Like, it's not hard to figure out on the facts of any actual given case. Did she have some do… | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/06/24 04:29 AM |
| 3 | It WILL get better gentleman. I was where you are now…Again, precisely my point is that "perceived quality of potential wife" is simply not an input variable to the function that outputs "risk to man of legal marriage". The risk of marriage is determined primarily by (1) fundamental, gendered human (woman/man) nature (2) who earns the money and (3) divorce laws. "Picking the right woman" (in the sense of one who's perceived to be loyal, treats you well etc -- not what she earns financially, which certainly can change the calculus) has no bearing on… | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/06/24 02:33 AM |
| 4 | It WILL get better gentleman. I was where you are now…Oh my god. Dude. You are the absolute poster child for rushing into a second marriage and then a second divorce here. Everything about your "it gets better" take revolves around getting a replacement woman (vs intrinsic differences and improvements about you and your own life and existence independent of any given woman)? And then you follow it up with willingness to jump right back into marriage "in a heartbeat"? Dude. Dude. Nothing about the shittiness of the marriage (legal) deal itself has a… | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/06/24 08:45 PM |
| 1 | Late 30s dating...oofI don't follow your apparent assumption that the basic skills required to "attract women to date / sleep with / have [whatever] sexual/romantic relationship with" somehow differ based on whether you just want to fuck some chick once or start up a relationship with her? Seems to me that there are way more things in common (from a basic social skills / "game" perspective) than there are differences based on what sort of relationship you want to establish after you already have some woman intereste… | /r/Divorce_Men | 04/06/24 11:10 PM |
| 6 | Sickening court garbageYep, "just a piece of paper" that obviously has zero binding effect on her (or the lower earner). But, interestingly, commits you to give her half the assets you overwhelmingly or solely earned while married, plus general life-subsidizing payments (as alimony or CS) into the future. A "piece of paper" that does literally nothing in one direction, but does some life-altering financial heavy lifting in the other direction. "Sounds good and fair!" -women & our society | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/05/24 10:08 PM |
| 2 | Red flagsTruly Matrix-level bullet dodged, for real. | /r/Divorce_Men | 24/05/24 07:17 PM |
| 3 | Red flagsAs it sounds like was your case too, I think that in retrospect one of the most telling things about it (which absolutely highlights the unquestionable fucking up / poorly adapted response on my side) was the fact that I appeased her on this, as on so, so many other things. Looking back now, it's like, yep, that was my b, I dun goofed, that's on me (too). Just classic Mr Nice Guy (in the oft-recommended-book sense) behavior, really. But you sort of don't know / get the real insight until you get… | /r/Divorce_Men | 24/05/24 03:34 AM |
| 7 | Red flagsLol my ex did exactly this too. (Tbf, my grandmother's ring was custom and fairly ugly and unwieldy so it never really bothered me much. But still. And when I imagine if the roles were reversed in that kind of scenario -- I'd just have never dreamed of prioritizing my preferences over that sort of gesture in that context. One of very many signs I should have heeded about just how self-centered she really was/is. They don't even see it as wrong, honestly. Women like this just honestly believe tha… | /r/Divorce_Men | 24/05/24 12:37 AM |
| 11 | JobsFuck her and her problems. Not even remotely your issues to care even the tiniest bit about any more. Don't waste an instant of your time or any of your attention or energy on her bullshit. She lost the privilege of commanding even your most basic attention or empathy when she chose divorce. In a sea of objectively shitty life downgrades that accompany divorce for most men, that is a silver fucking lining that you should honestly celebrate. I know I do. Being relieved of the mf boat anchor of an… | /r/Divorce_Men | 22/05/24 11:34 PM |
| 8 | 50/50 is changing to 86/14Jfc, it's like selfishness and entitlement somehow went supernova and condensed to center-of-blackhole density, from which no accountability or responsibility could escape. And your ex is the cosmic 2001 space-baby ready to be reborn as a god over this mindbending new dimension of pure essence of clusterfuck that our mere human brains simply can't comprehend. I'm floored at the perspective of some women. That your ex basically takes to parody level here. Like my god, wtf. What has our society cr… | /r/Divorce_Men | 19/05/24 05:14 PM |
| 11 | Gross Income.If it's any consolation, gross vs net doesn't really make much actual difference. Because the primary function of the CS formulas is to compare your income with your ex's and then arrive at proportional coverage for a given, formula-based amount of child expenses. So comparing gross to gross is basically the same as if they calculated net vs net, but without introducing the ability to fuck with numbers via deductions etc. And it's not like they're looking at her income or whatever they set as th… | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/05/24 02:09 AM |
| 2 | Stbxw getting a dogDude, I mean this in the nicest, most supportive, real-talk way: fuck her. Say NO. The end. I know (from remembering being earlier in the process myself) that it's harder to see the above as the only reasonable course when you're still reeling in the earlier stages of divorce and your recovery from it. But that's what those of us farther along are here for -- to help you see what your future-self will see as absolutely glaringly obvious, and advise you now accordingly. To reiterate: say no if or… | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/05/24 01:20 AM |
| 3 | "Bad Person"Glad it's useful. It's quite obviously correct, as you're roundly being told by literally everyone, so hopefully you're taking some of it to heart. You asked, and you were answered. Quite a few times, and emphatically, as it turns out. Call that a successful little day for you on Reddit! | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/05/24 09:58 PM |
| 5 | "Bad Person"Another key point here is OP's entirely misplaced assumption that being emotionally upset going through the experience of a divorce implies a person is somehow not appropriately over their ex or past relationship (and that's grounds in OP's view to fault that person as somehow betraying some duty owed to her as the one now being dated?). Demonstrates OP's nearly complete lack of understanding of the huge number of ways divorce can be stressful that have zero to do with any ongoing desire for one… | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/05/24 09:39 PM |
| 3 | "Bad Person"But it's just getting fun! I think I'm tagging out for now with my replies already on the thread, but I for one hope the exchanges in the comments keep coming! [popcorn.gif] | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/05/24 09:10 PM |
| 3 | "Bad Person"I get that a fair bit. This did get a lot more fun once it got to full-on roast level, I will say that! | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/05/24 09:00 PM |
| 4 | "Bad Person"Do you see how your framing, even here, is all about what you seem to think he owes you? Meanwhile, you seem actively put-out at the possibility that there might be any cost to you in the other direction (i.e., what you might choose to do for him, someone you're dating who is struggling with major adversity in foundational aspects of his life?) Of course you don't have to do anything for anyone, and whether you decide to or not is really up to you. But it's telling that your entire perspective h… | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/05/24 08:49 PM |
| 9 | "Bad Person"The tenor of your questions and comments on this thread is essentially: "Hi divorced men! I'm a naive and fairly self-absorbed young woman who's opting to date a recently divorced [edit: actually, just separated, and not yet even legally divorced!] man entirely of my own volition. I know the impact of his having his whole life (and career too) upended is probably pretty tough on him or whatevs, but can we talk about the real problem here: how having to "deal with" his emotional reactions is such… | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/05/24 08:08 PM |
| 5 | "Bad Person"Because the questions are kind of dumb, and your perspective on your relationship seems gallingly entitled and self-absorbed? | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/05/24 07:17 PM |
| 7 | "Bad Person"Like, what is your question? Are you on the spectrum? The stuff you're asking about, and how you're articulating it, seems like basic-human-relations 101, tbh. Divorce is hard as fuck and devastating as fuck, especially, typically, for men. It's absolutely nothing like a garden variety breakup, to the extent that's your closest frame of reference. It's like a death of someone in your immediate family, except they also get to take half your resources too. And they likely chose to betray what you … | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/05/24 07:15 PM |
| 10 | Life after separation.I think a tough reality for a lot of guys to accept is: she probably just wasn't that attracted to you, ultimately. Or, you know, maybe at one point she was, but she just sort of evolved out of it for her-centric reasons that probably have little to do with you/how worthy you are/your real value/how hard you tried etc. Seems like it's just something (some) women just kind of do, for whatever reason. I think there's some decent, credible evidence that some of it is evolutionary-biologically engra… | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/05/24 05:45 PM |
| 3 | Sometimes you win oneI legit have to respect the acknowledgement, good on you for that at least. Please do take some of that perspective forward and remember that it's men in the position (like yours, apparently) of being left by some selfish "partner" who just changed their mind (vows and a cascade of other life consequences be damned, not least of which is fucking up the childhood of one's own children) in 70-90+% of instances before you come back to the designated men's sub with the ludicrous insinuation that men… | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/05/24 03:16 AM |
| 7 | Sometimes you win oneLady, 70-90+% of us in here (statistically speaking -- the fraction of women choosing to initiate divorce) had our ex wives choose to blow up our lives and those of our kids because she "wasn't happy" (or some bullshit reason that, come to find out from the dozens to hundreds of identical stories from other men here, is just something many selfish (overwhelmingly) women do and then rewrite history to retroactively account for their precious, all-important feelings, reality be damned). Then read … | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/05/24 02:48 AM |
| 2 | If this is not evil then what is it? To the young guys here thinking about marriage, don't do it, she is not that amazing, she doesn't love you that much, she will definitely divorce you once she gets tired of youI find the scapegoating of Rush-Limbaugh-level scare-quoted "feminism" as boogeyman pretty damn stupid, tbh. A genuine feminist would believe in true equality for men and women. That's it. And thus could never, in keeping with any principles of actual gender equality, do what these walkaway wives do. These women are not actually feminists in any meaningful sense, despite all their crowing to the contrary. They profit precisely off of the most regressive gender-related norms that persist in our s… | /r/Divorce_Men | 22/04/24 03:02 AM |
| 23 | If this is not evil then what is it? To the young guys here thinking about marriage, don't do it, she is not that amazing, she doesn't love you that much, she will definitely divorce you once she gets tired of you"... how much growing it took him to get over his fear of marriage..." Huh, as it turns out he had a very well-founded reluctance to get married (probably because, unlike many of us, he likely witnessed some of the utter devastation and complete injustice of divorce through his parents' experience), and he was 100% proven correct to have been (at least) that skeptical. Knowing what I know now through the experience of (obviously my life's one and only) marriage and divorce, it's just utterly imp… | /r/Divorce_Men | 21/04/24 04:33 AM |
| 3 | Watch out for scammers on here.John Oliver clued me in to the fact that this is known as "pig butchering," apparently. | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/04/24 02:29 AM |
| 5 | Financially devastatedI definitely agree with this take. For some of us, there's literally no working around the financial downside as just a legit, actual fact that we have to face about a world that, at the end of the day, is sometimes just not fair. And I think it's disingenuous when others (who maybe didn't see as extreme a financial hit -- it's very circumstances-dependent) try to convince you -- or you try to convince yourself -- that you should somehow ignore or just gloss over the undeniable financial gutting… | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/04/24 07:08 PM |
| 6 | Lessons from the other side....(3 year update)Yeah, very encouraging story. In my case, I can definitely see the roadmap to a similar victory eventually, where I genuinely am so much better off and really believe it and feel like I am. While you're still going through some hellish adversity and lots of uncertainty and life upheaval along the path to get there, I think it's something you have to just cognitively bear in mind and trust will fall into place down the line (even when it doesn't yet feel that way at all). Provided you do the righ… | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/04/24 07:11 PM |
| 4 | Dating other women, dealing with breakupsIs it just me, or does it just boggle anyone else's mind to imagine the roles reversed and yourself being the one making anything like these sorts of naked, unabashed demands of a romantic partner? Like, I would just never assume to have the outright gall to state my desires as basically demands and expect (nay, demand!) that some person in the world out there meet them. But it's just...utterly bog standard to these women. Not only expected, but often encouraged and even lauded by their female c… | /r/Divorce_Men | 20/03/24 12:03 AM |
| 5 | What does any of this mean? This is from my wife's lawyer to my wife. What are the options/consequences?Not a ton, but here's a quick take. There's not likely tons at stake to just accepting service to simplify everyone's life. Unless you want to just annoy her / make life harder or more expensive by forcing actual service (which is generally counterproductive in virtually all cases, if you can avoid that sort of pettiness and aren't retaliating for similar from her, which could at least conceivably have some actual deterrence value -- otherwise petty bullshit usually just decreases the size of th… | /r/Divorce_Men | 19/03/24 01:07 AM |
| 5 | What does any of this mean? This is from my wife's lawyer to my wife. What are the options/consequences?Also fucking lol at her matter of fact "I'll have you pay." Oh you will, huh?? (Hint: very likely not how it would shake out if you ahem declined.) Entitlement of these women is always something else. | /r/Divorce_Men | 19/03/24 12:56 AM |
| 8 | What does any of this mean? This is from my wife's lawyer to my wife. What are the options/consequences?Ah, lol, fair enough. Interesting approach on her part to attorney-client privilege :) (Sending to any third party -- let alone the opposing party, rofl -- destroys the privilege. Doesn't matter here, but, uh, still... wth) | /r/Divorce_Men | 19/03/24 12:52 AM |
| 13 | What does any of this mean? This is from my wife's lawyer to my wife. What are the options/consequences?Never has the advice to DELETE THIS POST been more legally relevant than here. You have 100% identifying info posted (a literal email from her lawyer, along with your name???) that could be (?) evidence that you're snooping on her email includung communications between her and her lawyer. Absolutely any chance that she or anyone allied with her sees this and you've absolutely harmed yourself in the legal fight to come for absolutely no meaningful upside. OP: as a strictly legal matter, for the l… | /r/Divorce_Men | 19/03/24 12:39 AM |
| 3 | At 34 and 10ys in, she is expecting “half for life.” How do I convince her that’s not realistic?Oh yeah, good point. Definitely your opening offer should be zero alimony, OP, and only work to something in between as the negotiation goes on if necessary. Point is that the space for eventual settlement is determined by what you think the result will be if you flip the negotiating table (figuratively...) and go to trial. Not by anchoring to her absurdly high first demand. | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/03/24 02:28 PM |
| 12 | At 34 and 10ys in, she is expecting “half for life.” How do I convince her that’s not realistic?You "convince" her by forcing her (closer) in line with what the law of your jurisdiction dictates for alimony, which is virtually certain to be much less than her absurd demand. You need to consult a lawyer about what the actual range for alimony might be at trial in your specific circumstances in your jurisdiction. Even if you do mediation, you can (should) each have a lawyer consulting, at the very least, in the background. Your lawyer will help you frame a more reasonable counter (informed b… | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/03/24 04:42 AM |
| 4 | The removed this post within 3 minutes lol: "The chores lie"Absolutely insane. But also so easy for me to envision, because so many elements of your story resonate exactly with my own experience. Minor details and circumstances vary, of course, but the fundamentals that really seem to drive the relationship/divorce dynamics seem just so (shockingly, appalling) similar. It feels a bit insane to me, too, that I can come on here and read the same basic (awful) experience happening to so many other men but feel like calling out the factual realities of the p… | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/03/24 04:41 AM |
| 18 | The removed this post within 3 minutes lol: "The chores lie"I recall reading one of the many very reasonable, well-considered posters here making the dead-on point that often wives basically give "no credit" for all the massive work a husband does do (...in this context of complaining endlessly about the crushing "mental load" of her domestic work, etc) if it doesn't specifically ease her burden of the things she'd otherwise be doing (chores etc) to contribute to the partnership. Work outside/maintain the house/fix things but she'd never be doing those t… | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/03/24 11:27 PM |
| 3 | Think I might always want my own place even if dating againAnd at that point you say, "It was a good run, all the best to you!" and move to the next woman out there. Or, you know, that's likely what I'd do. But the important thing more generally is that you have whatever your own personal preferred boundaries are on these sorts of matters and you hold them. I swear, if I had to pick one fundamental thing that I fucked up that led to my divorce life-nuking and all the all-too-familiar fallout from that, it would be failing to hold/enforce these sorts of … | /r/Divorce_Men | 01/03/24 06:22 PM |
| 2 | I think I have officially lost.3rd divorce, jfc, man. What would it take for you to start factoring past hard-earned lessons into your future decisions, do you think? Or maybe the third time is a charm? :) | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/02/24 04:50 PM |
| 5 | What are some unique, less-common ways that have helped your healing?Even with just a few comments, this thread is fantastic for some random, quirky (or even just totally ordinary) sorts of things that would never have occurred to me to try but now that I read them I'm thinking, "Yeah, that sounds pretty sick." Good idea. | /r/Divorce_Men | 24/02/24 03:14 AM |
| 3 | How you guys fucked up in your marriages?I'm not sure I'd go as far as to agree that no solution (to the issues raised in NMMNG) is ever hypothetically possible, but I definitely concur based on my own very prototypical NMMNG-guy experience that pushing back / setting boundaries appropriately is definitely not some magic, silver bullet solution. At least not with certain women, or at the very least not in my own case. In my case, the biggest and most destructive arguments I had with my ex all, almost to a one, happened exactly when I d… | /r/Divorce_Men | 21/02/24 06:33 PM |
| 5 | Ex Wife showed her true colors🎵"I see you ridin' round town with the guy I dumped, and I'm like, fuck youuuu!" 🎵 | /r/Divorce_Men | 20/02/24 11:13 PM |
| 1 | The Cliche is True: “It Gets Better”Appreciate the reply and your perspective. Your fundamental misapprehension is that my position above on the inherently unjustified risk of legal marriage (to a man that earns his way in life, and certainly if he out-earms his partner) is that it has anything to do with picking the right woman (or, by categorically declining to agree to an awful legal deal, somehow "tarnish[ing] everyone (I.e an entire gender) with the same brush"). The absurdly stacked-against-men (or earners) legal commitments… | /r/Divorce_Men | 19/02/24 02:23 PM |
| 0 | The Cliche is True: “It Gets Better”Fairly large oof to "probably" getting married again, man. You're quite young, so I'm guessing you might still want kids (and, somewhat reasonably, don't see kids without legal marriage as a viable alternative)? That's maybe the one thing I could conceivably imagine that might make remarriage rational in what sounds like your circumstances. Even then, though, I dunno, man... you better really want kids as a life goal to go down that road, because the monumental risks of legal marriage are absolu… | /r/Divorce_Men | 17/02/24 05:25 PM |
| 3 | Ex wife is not responding to my lawyer to sign quit claim deed💯% this question. If she's still on the mortgage it would be idiotic of her (or anyone in those circumstances) to sign a quitclaim deed. That would result in no ownership interest in the property (the deed piece), but 100% liability for the loan (the mortgage piece). And, to be explicit about it, the correct resolution would be for you to "assume" the mortgage (i.e. take over in your name only) if the lender allows it (many/most don't, and have no incentive to now that rates are way up from a fe… | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/02/24 02:00 AM |
| 2 | Trouble in the bedroom with other womenTotally concur with this. I think it's absurdly underplayed by doctors how much SSRIs can cause difficulty having an orgasm in particular (vs ED, or lack of desire etc, which I found less affected). In my case, was absolutely night and day on the finishing front specifically on Zoloft vs not on it. And I see many people reporting the same online. Much more than certainly my doctor emphasized re this particular side effect at prescribing time. I expect many others likely have the same experience,… | /r/Divorce_Men | 15/02/24 06:30 PM |
| 2 | Single Divorced Men, how are you dealing with the void on Valentine's day?Yeah, I hear that. I immediately jumped to the SO-centric aspects of Valentine's Day, but worth remembering that that's not all it is potentially or actually about, and sounds like you were actually asking about what other (non-SO, non-woman-one-is-dating) things guys in our position might be doing yesterday. Fair question. My own answer to that: I got some Valentine's Day cards and candy for my daughters, and made and frosted and decorated some heart shaped cupcakes with them after school when … | /r/Divorce_Men | 15/02/24 04:22 PM |
| 2 | Single Divorced Men, how are you dealing with the void on Valentine's day?Why would he want to do Valentine's Day with someone else? If the answer to that question isn't clear (or at least easy to imagine, given someone's circumstances), I think you have some additional reflection to do about what role (many) men play in the average V Day "observance". I.e., that it can fucking suck, and have the man subservient as hell to trying (usually in vain) to adequately impress or meet the expectations of some woman. For many men here, the response now to that dynamic is not, … | /r/Divorce_Men | 15/02/24 03:36 PM |
| 4 | Single Divorced Men, how are you dealing with the void on Valentine's day?I relate so hard to every part of this comment. I've had exactly the same thoughts that: (1) I'm so damn relieved not to have to jump through the hoops of satisfying my ex's never-satisfiable expectations around bullshit her-celebrating "holidays" like Valentine's Day (...and her birthday, and our anniversary, and Mother's Day, and and and...); and (2) I completely agree that I basically never really felt like she was ever really, actually into me romantically/sexually etc. Like, I did all this … | /r/Divorce_Men | 15/02/24 03:13 AM |
| 3 | Socially acceptable or no?You wandered into the wrong fucking sub, lady, if you think you're going to come in here and get sympathy from the men in this community for how unreasonable/abusive/"narcissistic"/totally-to-blame-for-YOUR-decision to leave your ever-so-horrible stbx husband is. Most of us heard variations on all of this bullshit ad nauseam from our own utterly unaccountable, entitled, entire-history-of-relationship-revising ex wives, not to mention every shrew that spouts the same biased nonsense on the main r… | /r/Divorce_Men | 29/01/24 03:07 AM |
| 2 | Feeling lostYour experience sounds basically point for point exactly parallel to my own. And yeah, I have read No More Mr Nice Guy already, and found it basically entirely on-target for my situation. I think your takeaway conclusions about what to do going forward are also exactly correct. Gives me some (more) hope to hear from someone that's essentially "me + X years" (at least in the dimensions relevant to this thread) that you're doing well, and things have improved and even exceeded the pre-divorce base… | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/01/24 06:23 PM |
| 2 | Has anyone here married a medical doctor (or other highly educated person) and had their marriage suffer from ego?I did date a doctor during my separation. My biggest takeaway was: "how is a medical doctor this (apparently) dumb and uninteresting??" I guess on me in part for buying into the stereotype that anyone who was a doctor must clear some minimum intelligence bar. Color me very unimpressed with the level of insight / conversation / nuance / interestingness of this particular lady doc, though. | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/01/24 03:47 AM |
| 3 | How did you stay so calm!Like that analogy of "mental prison" of the divorce experience, and all that gets you through it is doing your time. So you just have to figure out the best strategies for weathering your "time inside" in the least harmful way possible. Spot on, in my experience. | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/01/24 03:37 AM |
| 8 | Feeling lostI was in what sounds like a very similar limbo situation for about a year+ where I was doing everything I could to demonstrate that I'd genuinely changed my behavior to address the issues she raised (some of which absolutely were on my side, and I was putting in tons of self-work in individual therapy to address by own poorly adapted responses to past trauma). Obviously every person and relationship is unique, so hard to generalize. But in my case she ultimately decided to go ahead with the divo… | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/01/24 02:58 AM |
| 3 | Without judgment, there is no justice in relationshipsI've always been genuinely puzzled by people's (especially so many women's) insistence of some inalienable, natural right to "not be judged." I think I really, just foundationally disagree with that perspective on what one person is allowed to claim as their right, when it essentially plays out as a demand on what another person can or cannot do: "I command: thou shalt not judge me!" I'm always like, um, excuse me, what? Whenever someone insists on "no judgement," my nearly unavoidable thought i… | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/01/24 03:15 AM |
| 2 | This might be the messiest thing you guys have ever read…No joke. Cheating apologists coming out of the woodwork on this thread is a good, eye-opening reminder never to assume one's own circumstances (or what you might assume as the "usual" experience) apply to a diverse audience, even in a community like this one. To all you dudes reading who cheated (and then weighed in defending it or passing the blame): no, your shitty rationalizations for why your ex "made you do it" or it "wasn't that bad ultimately" are pathetic, and the polar opposite of the s… | /r/Divorce_Men | 22/01/24 12:33 AM |
| 2 | This might be the messiest thing you guys have ever read…What'd you do, cheat, now you're here to justify it to the world even though no one asked you to? | /r/Divorce_Men | 21/01/24 05:03 AM |
| 8 | This might be the messiest thing you guys have ever read…Yeah, and every cheater by definition had the option of ending their relationship before stepping out and chose not to do that. The scorn they get for that is entirely earned by what they did, the choice they made. | /r/Divorce_Men | 21/01/24 01:49 AM |
| 5 | This might be the messiest thing you guys have ever read…100% cosign to everything you wrote in this reply. OP seems to be taking roughly zero real accountability for his affirmative choice and indefensibly shitty behavior. Every other sentence is excuse-making and blame-shifting for what he affirmatively chose to do. And, wouldn't you know it, those chosen actions had consequences. Cry me a goddamn river for OP, who's now just really broken up, apparently, that he got caught and those entirely predictable consequences have started to materialize. | /r/Divorce_Men | 21/01/24 01:38 AM |
| 4 | Alimony 11 k/month 5 years 10 k /month 5 years !?I make 20 k/month after taxes is this as horrendous a deal as it appears???Likely because you get the obvious financial incentive to divorce (usually on the wife's side) on top of (vs overlapping with) the inherent "dissatisfaction drive" of some women. And the latter is actually probably exacerbated precisely because she earns more in such cases (violating the traditional "provider" gender role, thus, oops less attraction for her! Makes it doubly insulting for those men who did provide, and then, guess what? Believe it or not also dissatisfied/unattracted over time!). | /r/Divorce_Men | 18/01/24 12:52 AM |
| 6 | The random hurtConsider this: you got the same invaluable life lessons we all did at (as you commendably acknowledge) a bargain-basement low price. Indeed, 2 years, no kids, same life insights to do better in the future? You made out, man. Power through the rest of the process (which is of course still hard), and then take what you learned and live a better life for the decades and decades you have in front of you. | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/01/24 11:03 PM |
| 5 | Should I do counseling after 25 years?How bad is the financial split likely to hurt you? E.g., if you earned the vast majority of the assets, or still work and earn more, that split is going to sting (and sting you more than her, if you like so many men were the disproportionate earner). If it were me, that would be nearly my only consideration in your shoes. It sounds like your only kid(s) are grown? If kids aren't a factor, I'd say the money side is really the only thing of significance. Seems like your relationship is long since … | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/01/24 08:43 PM |
| 2 | I can't stand my stbxwIt's definitely harder in that way earlier on, so just cut yourself some slack for feeling that way, but also try as much as possible not to overly beat yourself up as being "at fault." Usually, the situation is, more realistically, that both parties contribute to the deterioration of a relationship, and sometimes that downfall is actually more like latent incompatibilities finally becoming more than one or both are willing to work around. So I'd say: see your piece and learn from it to make you… | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/01/24 03:12 AM |
| 3 | I can't stand my stbxwHell yeah, glad the tagging worked. | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/01/24 12:39 AM |
| 4 | I can't stand my stbxw/u/SkeptiCynical this is the BS link-previewing bot we should ban here (we messaged about this before, hopefully this tags you...) | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/01/24 12:14 AM |
| 6 | I can't stand my stbxwAppreciate the reply. Sometimes commenting on this sub is essentially www.creedthoughts.gov\divorcethoughts for me, which I hope doesn't get too tiresome for regular readers here. But if it does, screw you internet strangers anyway! :) I kid. If the paragraphs of rambling musings help one or more of you here feel like someone else out there has been through the same insane shit you've experienced, well, I'll call that a step better than journaling, lol. | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/01/24 12:09 AM |
| 6 | I can't stand my stbxwDon't get me wrong, I think the crew of walkaway wives massively overstates how much it was their husbands' faults generally. Including basically never being satisfied (esp with things like chores, or family/household work), and constantly, pathologically moving the goalposts even on the most committed, hardest-working husband one could imagine. The wholesale rewrite of the entire history of a marriage/relationship along these lines is something I know many of us experienced, and I see it as lit… | /r/Divorce_Men | 11/01/24 11:50 PM |
| 13 | I can't stand my stbxwSo far all 3 of 3 commenters on this thread (myself included) + OP were hit with the dissatisfied wife at 9 years. Well, my marriage ended at just over nine years. The divorce was precipitated by her somewhere between 7 and 9. I've come to assume it's really just a slight variation (within the margin of error for this sort of thing) on the classic "seven year itch" that's been commented on for years. The thread the other day on the scientific study showing how women's satisfaction in marriage fa… | /r/Divorce_Men | 11/01/24 10:53 PM |
| 4 | I can't stand my stbxwTotally empathize with you, my man. It's just guttingly unfair how much the divorce laws of our so-called society can allow a selfish / controlling etc woman to take advantage of a man in today's world, if she's inlined to (or, very importantly, if she decides often years later, after her delicate feelings have changed, that she's inclined to!) just by convincing him to marry her. Sure, that selfish/shitty/greedy/unaccountable ex wife is a necessary ingredient for the pain and loss I'm sure you'… | /r/Divorce_Men | 11/01/24 10:01 PM |
| 2 | How much money did you lose in your divorce?I relate so hard to your second to last paragraph on the loss of financial security being the bitterest pill to swallow. I'd secured complete financial independence for me and my family through a decade+ of intentional work toward that goal. Now I don't have it, and I lost my job mere months after the divorce that handed her 50% of the nest egg she brought in approximately none of. So frustrating (and unfair), but what can you do but "onwards and upwards!" :) | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/01/24 11:09 PM |
| 3 | How much money did you lose in your divorce?This thread is pretty eye opening in multiple dimensions for me. I'm roughly similar to you (parent comment) in the overall magnitude of loss via primarily the asset split. Naturally I was a high earner + overwhelming breadwinner. Obviously it hurts when the overall magnitude of the numbers is higher like this. Of course, I recognize that I started off in a great position financially pre-divorce (well, worked hard for years for it, to be more precise, but recognize my privilege in any case) and … | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/01/24 08:09 PM |
| 13 | Scientific study on loss of love in marriage and women.Totally get (and relate personally to) your perspective, which is entirely valid (really, basically next to impossible to deny) that the fallout of lots of these trends, human/female tendencies, societal evolution etc coming together to foster this apparently fairly widespread walkaway wife phenomenon is just...really fucking shitty. Sucks for the families that get nuked, and the kids whose childhood gets fundamentally altered for the worse, and of course for the very many fundamentally good/com… | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/01/24 08:23 PM |
| 10 | Scientific study on loss of love in marriage and women.Fantastic (and very level-headed, even-handed, thoughtful) post. I agree with virtually every one of your insights from having been through the process. And it sounds like I experienced a lot of the same patterns you -- and such a shockingly consistent number of men here! -- did. One of my major revelations from this forum is just how damn similar many of the patterns are in what men in divorce (at least in the quintessential "walkaway wife" scenario) go through. And lots of those patterns are 1… | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/01/24 07:44 PM |
| 14 | This is not me"...when we get something back...." Fucking lol. What are you even doing commenting here "...As A wOmAn...". Many, many (many!) of us are here because we went all in with a woman and gave them absolutely everything we could, and look where that got us. A "lifetime" commitment betrayed by her for any reason or no reason. She got bored, she "wasn't happy," and she bought into the well perpetuated fantasy that that was somehow inherently her committed partner's fault, because he didn't do the impos… | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/01/24 07:13 PM |
| 2 | Letting the F#%$ GoCheers to you and the others who replied here. It is helpful for me to write out stuff like this, sometimes, and hopefully the sharing of experiences and strategies like this can also benefit others. | /r/Divorce_Men | 01/01/24 10:03 PM |
| 5 | Letting the F#%$ GoYeah, that's a great metaphor, totally agree. And somehow thinking of it in that sort of great analogy makes it a bit easier (for me at least) to appreciate the futility/counterproductivity of dwelling on the loss or letting it consume or control you. Makes it somehow easier to clearly see: welp, the leg ain't coming back. It sucks, and let yourself grieve the shittiness of that loss, and the unfairness of the situation that you now face. Importantly, I think, it also doesn't deny the oftentimes… | /r/Divorce_Men | 01/01/24 09:57 PM |
| 13 | Letting the F#%$ GoOne thing I've been focusing on for myself recently (when I feel the gravitational pull of negative feelings coming back up, for whatever reason or no reason -- it's a normal part of the grieving process) is basically just reminding myself to dial back on the emotional evaluation/assessment of my current situation. I.e., when I think about how I feel about where I am now, what I lost, how badly I feel like I (and my kids) got utterly fucked over in many ways by my ex's utterly selfish decisions,… | /r/Divorce_Men | 01/01/24 08:14 PM |
| 5 | Higher earner afraid of losing big in divorceLol, right? I love that half of it is: welcome to men's world, because OP is about to get fucked financially in ways almost always reserved for men to experience in divorce. But the other half is: well, OP still the woman, so naturally she's still the one looking to walk out, financial hit notwithstanding. What would it take for the average woman to take her vows seriously? More than most women have, divorce has taught me. Sure, maybe there's some exceptional situation here or in any given case … | /r/Divorce_Men | 24/12/23 08:47 PM |
| 2 | Wife realized she is too gay to stay with meSorry to say this, man, but she doesn't need this girl or any job of her own to be (massive scare quotes) "independent". She'll get an absolutely sickeningly unjust share of the money you earned (and also continue to earn in the future) to subsidize her new, separate "independent" life. Expect, ya know, she'll actually be totally _de_pendent on the financial subsidy from you, but wouldn't you know, she won't owe you shit in return for you massively subsidizing her sweet new Eat, Pray, Love or wh… | /r/Divorce_Men | 11/12/23 05:17 AM |
| 2 | 21K Subscribers!Disappeared from my inbox (at least on mobile), unfortunately. Will follow up if I can dig it up later somewhere else. | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/12/23 04:31 AM |
| 2 | 21K Subscribers!Just some worthless "preview" of the r/divorce subreddit (top posts, etc) just because it was mentioned in my prior comment. | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/12/23 01:32 PM |
| 3 | 21K Subscribers!Dude, fuck off bot. This bot sucks. | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/12/23 02:17 AM |
| 12 | 21K Subscribers!r/divorce might as well be Divorce_Women, for real. Took me too long to realize how insanely counterproductive it was for me to read and comment on many posts there. Inevitably an army of shrews who'd done the same bullshit as my ex came out of the woodwork every post to desperately justify their reprehensible actions to themselves and anyone who would listen. For most men, that sub is toxic as fuck. | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/12/23 02:16 AM |
| 8 | I just can't believe I'm hereIt's definitely strong of you to take accountability for things that you did. If only virtually any woman was even 10% as good at that as the average man I see in this community. But as others are also saying, it's very easy to fall into the trap of blaming yourself more than is objectively warranted when you're going through the hell of divorce itself. If your ex is like 99% of ex wives, she's sure as shit likely to push that narrative til the wheels fall off. I'd urge you to at least entertain… | /r/Divorce_Men | 04/12/23 11:18 PM |
| 3 | Unable to trust a new partner because of the divorce trauma.Lol, right??! Is her intent to make this a sugar daddy sort of arrangement? Because a "stay at home girlfriend" is literally that. The only reason "stay at home mom" is a term is because of the implied work of taking care of the kids. Domestic work even with kids rarely justifies the breadwinner pulling all the financial weight (and certainly doesn't in the case if divorce -- ask us in this forum how we know!), and is just laughable as a contribution in the absence of kids. Fucking run. | /r/Divorce_Men | 29/11/23 12:02 AM |
| 0 | What does online dating look like for you?"Low effort" jfc. Epitomizes the absolutely mind-boggling entitlement of the average woman in dating. Have you examined why your default assumption is that any man out there owes you any more "effort" than you reciprocally owe him in dating?? Let alone a goddamn first date, lawdamercy. I know, even the most stunningly average woman thinks she's the prize to be won and all the great men with options better step up to impress them! Then you wonder: why won't any "good men" meet these absurdly infl… | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/11/23 06:09 PM |
| 1 | Divorce Realization: We are all dating our Exes.Yes, virtually all of the men here know what most women (who leave in the absence of actually justifiable reasons like genuine abuse, infidelity, or substantive issues) think as well: that it's all their ex's fault, that they're not remotely accountable, and that their ex husband's failure to jump ever-higher on command to meet their never-satisfied list of "needs" is what "forced" them to walk out on a purported lifetime commitment to selfishly pursue their own cosmic satisfaction at any cost (… | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/11/23 05:23 PM |
| 0 | How can you trust again?Exactly. Go out there with clear boundaries for yourself, fuck or "date" these women on your terms and your terms alone, and if/when they start trying to pull the same controlling or exploitative shit many of us now recognize, just fucking dip. If you don't marry them or have kids with them like a fool, you've got so much less to lose. Enjoy what they offer to enhance your experience on your terms, and live your best damn life. Insight many of us likely could have benefited from before getting m… | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/11/23 05:50 PM |
| 11 | Divorce Realization: We are all dating our Exes.I've had quite similar thoughts, especially dating the woman I'm seeing now. From the limited description I've heard of her ex, it doesn't sound like there was any cheating, abuse, substance issues etc. Of course she just chose to leave when she was "so done," and he was blindsided/devastated. Tale as old as time for many of us here (and closely tracks my own personal divorce experience). Of course, I'm not reacting by getting all up in arms or confrontational with her about it. I just smile and… | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/11/23 05:19 PM |
| 7 | I will never let my kids call my wife's AP "step-dad."I should be clear: I'm not at all endorsing just laying down and letting your ex and her AP solely control what the kids do or don't do, or feel pressured to do. Absolutely, if/when it's age-appropriate, let the kids know the facts, and reassure them that they don't have to call this person anything they don't want to. What the kids do or don't call anyone is ultimately their choice, though. And it strikes me as both fairly toxic (from a kids-wellbeing perspective) and counterproductive from eve… | /r/Divorce_Men | 22/11/23 09:47 PM |
| 10 | I will never let my kids call my wife's AP "step-dad."I mean, I totally get the sentiment. There's a fuck of a lot I'm still pissed about in my own situation (mostly nuking my kids' lives, and taking half the money I earned virtually all of). And mine didn't even cheat -- can't even imagine the additional betrayal element I'm sure that must add. But in the spirit of the real talk this forum is often best at: you'll probably be better off yourself in the long run (I mean, even immediately, though it may understandably take some time to get there) on… | /r/Divorce_Men | 22/11/23 09:30 PM |
| 0 | So what exactly happens if you dump your life savings into Bitcoin and 'forget' the password?Damn that is rough, condolences. It's taken all of my focus and then some to try to move past my anger at 50% of roughly $5M in my case, and you've got that "beat" in spades. Ofc earned 99% or so by me, similar to you. It's just so galling to get 50% of something you alone earned virtually all of, and then have people try to rationalize why that's anything but absolute, devastating injustice. And naturally it's these women who profit who are overwhelmingly choosing to end these marriages (as in … | /r/Divorce_Men | 22/11/23 09:04 PM |
| 2 | F Her MentalityCheers! | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/11/23 02:52 AM |
| 12 | F Her MentalityYeah, so many of us have been there, man. I'm not through it yet (8 months since separation), but I believe virtually everyone who has gotten through to the other side and my (and virtually every) therapist when they say: the only answer to grief is time. Best you can do is give yourself grace, take it day at a time (and explicitly ground yourself in the present moment vs your thoughts/ruminations when you notice them coming up, after acknowledging/letting yourself feel the feeling), do the righ… | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/11/23 12:44 AM |
| 1 | Medical decisionsUh, lol, no. No credible medical expert in the world is saying "affirmatively, don't vaccinate" kids. Public health "protocols" don't prove what you're pointing to them to assert, but it appears your vaunted critical thinking may not be up to the task of teasing out that distinction. | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/11/23 01:25 AM |
| 11 | Medical decisionsOmfg, how many anti-vaxxers showing up in the comments here???? This subreddit has been pretty great on divorce issues generally to the point of lulling me into a bit of a false sense of credulity. Good reminder from comments on this thread to keep the skepticism filter up for any random-poster internet content. "Do YoUr OwN rEsEaRcH, bRo!" [listens to Joe Rogan / Aaron Rodgers / misc idiot pro athlete etc] Reminder that, nope, you're still a goddamn moron if you think the things you heard on th… | /r/Divorce_Men | 11/11/23 08:36 PM |
| 2 | *Who* are these men that go through divorce once and then *get married again,* and WTF are they thinking??Appreciate the spirit in which you offer this, so please don't read my disagreement on substance as undermining the constructive spirit of discussion that your points are made in. Respectfully, I'm positing that the "commitment" level would be identical without legal marriage. What's to say that it can't be, in terms of what the commiting-but-not-marrying partner actually does and believes? Nothing, I'd argue. There may be some (unsupportable, in my view) cultural assumption that only marriage e… | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/11/23 11:20 PM |
| 2 | *Who* are these men that go through divorce once and then *get married again,* and WTF are they thinking??I'm guessing you likely wouldn't have agreed to a kid with him absent marriage, right? That's fair enough, and (as I've noted elsewhere on this post) that's about the one reason I see that could conceivably justify legal marriage again for some divorced man (certainly not me, I'm not having more kids under any circumstances, vasectomy is in Jan). That aside, I still see no reason for marriage vs the identical committed relationship and no legal status change, for one in my position. I absolutely… | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/11/23 07:31 PM |
| 2 | *Who* are these men that go through divorce once and then *get married again,* and WTF are they thinking??In that case, condolences on the money impact! :) Or maybe (hopefully) that's a point of difference for you from my situation. But not bloody likely, I imagine, based on what the average man goes through in divorce. But really, even as I write it, it occurs to me that the money being among the worst of it is itself something of a backhanded blessing that I should be grateful for. I don't have any of the horror story custody issues that some here have been through, and that's really what matters … | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/11/23 04:24 PM |
| 3 | *Who* are these men that go through divorce once and then *get married again,* and WTF are they thinking??The point on getting lazy, especially after kids, really resonates with me too. For me at least, it's second only to the trauma/naivete-fueled spouse-choice-error in terms of things I can look back on and say: yeah, I dun goofed there for sure, and that's on me. And I mean that not at all in a "she was right, I was terrible, I blame myself for the divorce" sort of way. I absolutely forgive myself for those mistakes -- realistically, it would have been hard or impossible for me to have made diffe… | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/11/23 03:47 PM |
| 3 | *Who* are these men that go through divorce once and then *get married again,* and WTF are they thinking??Fist bump. | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/11/23 03:33 PM |
| 2 | *Who* are these men that go through divorce once and then *get married again,* and WTF are they thinking??Those first two are things you can affirmatively set up legally in like one day. And color me unpersuaded that tax/insurance benefits move the needle meaningfully in most cases (the multiple millions of dollars of my assets I risked and lost in my first/only marriage just barely edged out saving a couple of grand on taxes/health insurance, a close one!). Then the "intangibles" seem to boil down to, basically, valuing the label "husband and wife" for whatever that carries either socially or in on… | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/11/23 03:24 PM |
| 2 | *Who* are these men that go through divorce once and then *get married again,* and WTF are they thinking??Why not have that same relationship and not put half your stuff at risk if she decides for any reason or no reason (none needed!) to just walk out? You don't have to be aiming for "as much money as possible" to see that it looks like a bad deal, with any amount of assets to risk half of what you earned for no additional benefit. That's just deciding to take on more risk with no more reward, which makes no sense. And if whoever you're dating isn't on board for the same relationship without the le… | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/11/23 01:47 PM |
| 2 | *Who* are these men that go through divorce once and then *get married again,* and WTF are they thinking??I suspect at least part of the reason for that might be that you can have (or avoid) an emotionally devastating relationship breakup with or without legal marriage. The two are basically independent. It may well be that you set yourself up for more hurt if you fully buy in (as I did, naively, in my first/only marriage) to the "lifetime commitment" aspect. But one could theoretically get married again and still protect himself better emotionally the second time around by simply treating it more l… | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/11/23 01:27 PM |
| 5 | *Who* are these men that go through divorce once and then *get married again,* and WTF are they thinking??Hey, recognizing and taking ownership of the folly of marriage #2 is admirable. Like the receiver who straight drops the pass and then pats his chest, lol. Hopefully some reading your comment might take heed from your experience. | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/11/23 10:39 PM |
| 6 | *Who* are these men that go through divorce once and then *get married again,* and WTF are they thinking??Lol, anticipatory justice with that AP, haha. | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/11/23 09:58 PM |
| 6 | *Who* are these men that go through divorce once and then *get married again,* and WTF are they thinking??Yeah that's very fair, and definitely a bias baked into my own perspective on this (I already have 2 young kids, and a vasectomy scheduled for January :). Like many who had kids, they're the reason I can never say I regret my marriage. And (just like my poor marriage choice being the, realistically, nearly unavoidable consequence of the person I was then/stage of my own development in life) I have to concede even looking back that there was no scenario in which I'd have had kids (at least not wi… | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/11/23 08:58 PM |
| 11 | *Who* are these men that go through divorce once and then *get married again,* and WTF are they thinking??Again, the question is: what are you getting out of legal marriage that you wouldn't get out of an identical committed relationship with no marriage license? Because I can definitely tell you what you're risking if you earn any significant money yourself and part of your spouse-selection-process didn't include a non-negotiable "earns as much or more than I do." | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/11/23 07:57 PM |
| 12 | *Who* are these men that go through divorce once and then *get married again,* and WTF are they thinking??Right, even if my first choice of spouse was bad (I fully and enthusiastically admit that it was, and that that was on me!), it's difficult for me to see what possible upside there is for me that would justify giving a new woman the power to blow up my life again. Take half my assets again, state-sponsored, with literally no explanation or justification necessary for backing out of the "commitment". Seems like society has evolved to the point where the "commitment" piece is basically a dead lett… | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/11/23 07:38 PM |
| 12 | *Who* are these men that go through divorce once and then *get married again,* and WTF are they thinking??Uh, my own extensive work on myself is precisely what informs my perspective. I completely own the terrible decision I made to get married in the circumstances I did. It was absolutely the direct result of my unresolved trauma -- accepting treatment I never should have tolerated, failing to enforce boundaries, etc. That's all on me, again, as a direct result of my own past trauma. I certainly don't blame myself (or not-forgive myself) for those poor past choices. They were very nearly the only c… | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/11/23 07:25 PM |
| 36 | financially supporting this “wife” of mine for the past 2 years.. the only thing that I receive in return is constant stress and bickering from her. Men who were me, how is life now after getting out of the situation?Dude, if you're earning all the money, all you're doing by delaying is adding more to the total assets you split 50/50 that you earned 100% of. Given your description, you've got every incentive to pull the plug ASAP. You're just padding her unearned take with every month of delay. | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/11/23 02:31 AM |
| 0 | It can be doneYeah, that's fair enough. I know it was offered in the spirit of inspiration for others in that situation, and hopefully it can give some hope to those who are lucky enough to be in that situation (or, as you note, fortunate enough to have the curtain pulled back on the awful deal of marriage for many in time to make their choices accordingly). Didn't intend my reply as harsh as it probably reads -- that's probably just me wishing I'd had the insight earlier to get myself into that better-protec… | /r/Divorce_Men | 01/11/23 06:21 PM |
| 5 | It can be doneWow, awesome insight on this post! Simply have no kids and make the same money as your ex! I'll jot that down for my next time machine trip. Nearly as useless, lacking that time machine, as the walk-away wives club prattling on about the cOnTrAcT oF mArRiAGgE that I should have better-evaluated 10+ years in the past before it was reasonably foreseeable that my ex would treat her "lifetime" commitment as revocable for any reason or no reason at her sole option. I mean, bully for you that you luck… | /r/Divorce_Men | 01/11/23 03:36 PM |
| 1 | She broke the code.For sure, in concept I have no problem with the notion of dividing assets actually fairly and even providing prospective support where it's necessary to, e.g., prevent one party from falling below some reasonable standard of living while the other sits in a mansion. But that's just so so so far from how the existing laws get applied in so many cases (including my own). Which then essentially means that some individuals are reaping an absurd windfall by exploiting protections meant to shield the … | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/10/23 03:02 AM |
| 3 | She broke the code.Yeah, your perspective here, in stark contrast to my ex's, is eminently reasonable. The added insult to injury in a case like mine (where someone chose to stay home, then complained about how hard it was to do the only things that were her (chosen) responsibilities in that role) is when the divorce comes around (her choice, not mine, naturally), she gets to double or triple dip by acting like her staying home was some huge sacrifice (false, it was her preference) that gave up so much career/earn… | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/10/23 10:18 PM |
| 7 | She broke the code.I mean, bully for you, but what about the massive number of instances (including my ex) where being a SAHM was what she basically insisted on, and I not only applied no pressure whatsoever either way (a big part of my general, very ill-advised-in-retrospect quest to keep sacrificing absolutely everything I could to try to satisfy a person who ultimately could never be satisfied, because the real issue with her unhappiness was not mine to solve), but I actually facilitated her preference by dutif… | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/10/23 09:12 PM |
| 4 | Ahh, fuck. Ex blowing up mediationThat sucks. Gotta remember to count my minor "victories" where I got them, including ex being at least reasonable enough to get through mediation to a (semi-reasonable) deal. I mean, it was still unfair as fuck, based on my being the overwhelming breadwinner, but no worse than likely court outcome with waaaay lower money incinerated on lawyers. Condolences that you're being forced the other way. It's just such wasted money, which I know must hurt. As others have said, though, maybe silver lining… | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/10/23 01:28 AM |
| 12 | You can really tell who the Walk-Away Wives are on r/divorce, can't you?Lol, after the mods censor-removed one (eminently reasonable) comment of mine today they started going through and posting the same boilerplate (re "attacking the OP", which I never did on any post or comment -- you can read what I actually post including here and judge for yourself if I'm "attacking" anyone or merely raising real points that some don't want to hear) reply and taking down multiple other comments on different threads. It's almost like some individual mod(s) of r/divorce disagreed… | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/09/23 03:24 AM |
| 16 | You can really tell who the Walk-Away Wives are on r/divorce, can't you?Seems likely, if the real information is available to those considering marriage. That's the part I worry about. How will enough 20- and 30-something men considering marriage get the unvarnished truth that so many of us who have been through an unearned divorce now know? I worry that many or most won't effectively get the info until they have the misfortune to experience what so many of us have. I'm more than down to do my part to get the info out there (hell, I'll preach to anyone that will lis… | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/09/23 02:15 AM |
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