TheRedArchive

~ archived since 2018 ~

fluttertutt Archive

View 2 posts and 469 comments by fluttertutt on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
Search in:
In subreddits:
More
Filter by year/month:
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
–

In what way are they "not normal"?
/r/PurplePillDebate14/11/24 10:04 PM
–

Well that just goes to show that men aren't entirely superficial. Far from it.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/11/24 08:53 PM
–

I don't think this is true past the age of 25. I've had no trouble meeting lovely men who wanted to commit.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/11/24 05:21 PM
–

Your flair is killing me 😂 Also, hormonal birth control is hell.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/11/24 08:30 PM
–

Have you met a woman?
/r/PurplePillDebate10/11/24 08:27 PM
–

In Norwegian we call them dromedar and kamel, which I as a kid confused with kanel meaning cinnamon.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/11/24 08:26 PM
–

Romeo x Juliet ✨ that japanese version of You Raise Me Up is gold.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/11/24 08:20 PM
–

Butterbeans and yoghurt.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/11/24 08:17 PM
3

Thanks for confirming that you indeed do not understand statistics.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/11/24 05:04 PM
3

"You think you don't care because you don't want to look shallow but really you do care and psychologists have proven it" This you?
/r/PurplePillDebate08/11/24 02:58 PM
2

If you think you can apply statistical averages onto individual people you do not understand statistics.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/11/24 10:44 AM
8

He was studious and worked hard for his degree. He deserves credit for that. It was an expectation from his family, not a natural inclination or drive to learn on his part.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/11/24 03:14 PM
14

Because it is integral for communication, and communication is foundational for any solid long term relationship. With the man I mentioned, I found myself feeling bored and frustrated. I spent too much time explaining things or adjusting my speech to spoonfeed thoughts and ideas. I felt understimulated, and the only thing getting challenged was my patience. I crave banter, wit, and ample opportunities to learn from and with my partner.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/11/24 02:03 PM
16

I don't care about my partners diplomas. My masters degree is a piece of paper that gets my foot in the door, and it doesn't say much about me as a person. A standard I will not budge on however, is that he has to be at least as clever as me, which to be fair is a pretty low bar. I once dated a man that didn't pass that threshold, a highly educated man at that, but alas. It was very short-lived and I could never do it again.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/11/24 01:41 PM
2

The first two, definitely. Everyday. The last one would be a challenge, but I do love a challenge.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/11/24 10:53 PM
16

I cook, dance(debatable) and I can put both legs behind my head 👻
/r/PurplePillDebate06/11/24 07:42 PM
2

True.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/11/24 07:10 PM
1

Glasses and tweed!
/r/PurplePillDebate04/11/24 06:56 PM
45

Fortunately there are plenty of men willing to wait, men looking to connect and men wanting to commit. I learned to distinguish the ones who say things because they mean them from the ones who say things because they think it's what we want to hear. So you do you. Hopefully you will meet someone with whom your goals align, but please, have the decency to be honest.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/11/24 01:05 PM
11

Speaking for myself, it's irrelevant how attractive you are. If I don't know you and if we don't share a strong emotional and romantic connection, I have no interest in sleeping with you. For me physically intimacy is an expression of love before lust.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/11/24 10:30 AM
1

What is a sexual demon?
/r/PurplePillDebate02/11/24 09:23 PM
1

I don't know what it is, but glasses immediately makes someone hotter.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/11/24 09:22 PM
1

Oh my! She's very cute
/r/PurplePillDebate02/11/24 09:16 PM
1

She's not? She's pretty voluptuous? I think I might not know what thick means.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/11/24 09:06 PM
1

Selena Gomez?
/r/PurplePillDebate02/11/24 09:00 PM
1

A type does not have to be so black and white. My type is simply a collection of traits I find particularly appealing. Details I find eye-catching. It does not mean that people cannot be attractive without those traits and it is obviously not the main concern when choosing a partner. Physical attraction in a broader sense is important to me however, because it affects intimacy.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/11/24 08:50 PM
1

Why is being in a relationship with someone you aren't attracted to preferable to being single with good friends?
/r/PurplePillDebate02/11/24 07:53 PM
1

Are you primarily looking for a friend like companion?
/r/PurplePillDebate02/11/24 07:37 PM
1

Do you think you would experience physical attraction to any woman willing to be with you?
/r/PurplePillDebate02/11/24 07:24 PM
2

🤝
/r/PurplePillDebate02/11/24 06:17 PM
2

Understandable. I have stepped outside my type, and they were undeniably handsome, but there's just something about certain features. I'm a simple woman lol It is such fun to be in love ♥️
/r/PurplePillDebate02/11/24 06:14 PM
2

Make the hair black and you've got my type in women.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/11/24 06:10 PM
2

At least you've got plenty of options 🤷‍♀️
/r/PurplePillDebate02/11/24 06:08 PM
1

I like that you added a setting.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/11/24 06:07 PM
1

Oh yes
/r/PurplePillDebate02/11/24 06:00 PM
1

hahah convenient!
/r/PurplePillDebate02/11/24 05:59 PM
1

There really is something about thick brows!
/r/PurplePillDebate02/11/24 05:55 PM
1

💯
/r/PurplePillDebate02/11/24 05:06 PM
1

Do you have a type? If yes, what is it?
/r/PurplePillDebate02/11/24 05:06 PM
1

I tried dating someone with opposing political beliefs. It resulted in the first and only time I ever raised my voice in an argument with a partner. Never again.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/11/24 04:06 PM
3

Anyone thinking they can change someone in a relationship is a fool. Girls with those thoughts tend to grow out of them in their 20s. Either way, it is nothing to aspire to.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/11/24 02:57 PM
5

No. "Bad" people don't lead with bad behaviour, and for any rule there will be exceptions.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/11/24 06:02 PM
7

As I said, I think all my male friends are good people. Beyond that they are all different. I guess some things they have in common, which is encompassed by being a good person, is being generous in one way or another, caring for people around them, being willing to stand up for what's right even when it makes things harder for themselves and being motivated by making others feel good. How does it make them desirable? Being a good person is simply a fundamental quality of a desirable partner.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/11/24 03:49 PM
30

I don't think I've ever called someone a "good guy". I wouldn't be friend's with someone I didn't consider a good person, so it's simply a given.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/11/24 03:17 PM
13

This made me chuckle! And I agree.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/10/24 03:32 PM
10

I think it's very cultural too. Fat in the US is different to fat in korea, which is different to fat in brazil and so on.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/10/24 12:08 PM
1

I would and I have. I believe most people would.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/10/24 10:05 PM
8

You're delusional if you really think everything women do is for men.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/10/24 07:29 PM
1

You fail to take into account that fewer women want casual sex, so we do not perceive access as advantageous. Whilst I have nothing against casual sex as a concept, the idea of personally engaging in it makes my skin crawl. For myself abd many women I've spoken with, sex without feelings is disgusting.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/10/24 10:38 AM
6

You summarised that beautifully.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/10/24 10:22 AM
1

Well overall it's a small percentage of people engaging in casual sex as well as a small percentage of people on the apps, but i believe the overlap is significant.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/10/24 10:08 AM
1

How is the person's appearance of any relevance in this situation? Are you only kind to people you find attractive? Excuse the bluntness, but that's fucking weird.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/10/24 10:06 AM
10

You aren't owed a person. Broadly speaking, women would much prefer being single to settling. Do you believe women should settle? Would you like to be settled for?
/r/PurplePillDebate27/10/24 09:21 AM
2

I recognize some of the negative trends you're describing, though I wouldn't attribute it to "hypergamy". It is all the more reason to nurture our communities, not to abandon them. Build little tight knit pockets that can come together. As for being a good Samaritan, despite some developments, where I live, it strongly persists. And I've seen it living in other countries as well as when traveling. Things aren't so bleak.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/10/24 08:47 AM
1

Do as you please. I like contributing to my community and I'm happy to see I'm far from alone. People need people.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/10/24 08:26 AM
2

It's not about owing anyone. It's simply a natural expression of empathy and human decency.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/10/24 03:42 AM
7

Thankfully I've yet to meet such sentiments offline.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/10/24 01:41 PM
21

Sometimes I wonder why some of these guys are even interested in the topic of heterosexual dating and relationships. They clearly do not even like women.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/10/24 12:49 PM
11

He asked. These are my two cents. Call it shaming if you like. If someone I knew behaved like that, it'd firstly be very surprised, then disappointed, man or woman.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/10/24 12:46 PM
13

It’s not about gender. Refusing to sit by someone in this situation is simply cowardly. I’ve taken much greater risks for strangers, and I’ve experienced the courage of others in return. Personally, I’m glad to live in a society where we look out for one another.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/10/24 12:37 PM
25

When men behave in creepy and threatening ways I look for women. We tend to help eachother without a second thought, because it's the right thing to do.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/10/24 12:20 PM
2

That's fair. I personally like living in a city beyond the romantic prospects and hobby groups, but if it's not your jam it's understandably a bad trade.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/10/24 06:06 PM
1

Fair enough. That's tricky. Ever considered moving to a city?
/r/PurplePillDebate25/10/24 05:45 PM
2

I mean it entirely depends on the cpntext, but I just talk about whatever it is we're here for, be that a common friend, shared interest or whatever activity is happening.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/10/24 03:41 PM
2

Sure, but then there are better options still. Sports, hobbies, events, friends of friends, work etc. All great ways to get to know people in a less superficial manner.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/10/24 12:57 PM
1

Alright. Break the ice! I do that all the tine and have many lovely people in my life as a result. I'm all for it. In my understanding of cold approach, it means to walk up to a stranger, about whom you know nothing apartment from their physical appearance. Being quote on quote "conventionally attractive", I have felt insecure than men have expressed interest primarily based on how I look and not who I am. Thus a cold approach, in how I define it, is uninteresting at best.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/10/24 12:55 PM
0

Maybe we define cold approach differently. Talking to people in your circles, yes. Walking up to someone for no other reason than thinking they're hot, nah.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/10/24 12:29 PM
-1

No? You don't meet people? Friends? Hobbies? Work?
/r/PurplePillDebate25/10/24 12:18 PM
0

Precisely. Even worse is when they start following you and make sexual comments. Happens more than you'd probably think.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/10/24 11:30 AM
0

I never said they should be made to feel like monsters. I reject politely and with kindness. I only show teeth when they don't respect a no. Unfortunately over half of the men approaching me do not.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/10/24 11:28 AM
1

I'm all for meeting people irl. But cold approaching isn't the only way, nor the best way. I would be surprised if the success rate was even half decent.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/10/24 09:47 AM
5

Aside from studies, of which there are plenty, that checks out with my personal experience too. I have a very large and diverse social circle, even including a couple of polyamorous people, and yet I'd have trouble finding anyone who'd slept with 20-30 people. I'm not saying it doesn't happen, but it certainly isn't the norm.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/10/24 09:41 AM
3

Cold approach sucks. I always reject a cold approach.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/10/24 08:03 AM
3

Citation ? idk where you live, but the studies I've seen from Scandinavia show the opposite. People have far less sex with fewer people now than a couple generations ago. I found an article from the US reporting the same trend. https://www.latimes.com/california/story/2023-08-03/young-adults-less-sex-gen-z-millennials-generations-parents-grandparents
/r/PurplePillDebate25/10/24 07:58 AM
3

Thing is, the world of dating that many women actually experience is full of variety. Women don't want most men, they want a man, so which standards are common is hardly relevant for the individual woman.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/10/24 07:40 AM
2

I think what's implied is "most women", "many women" or "some women". I doubt anybody is bigheaded enough to claim to speak for all women. People simply adopt the semantics of the space they're in. Seeing that "most men" here generalise women and initiate a debate by describing women as a monolith, it's simply a response in the "local language". You might have also noticed that when women do use "I", they are usually dismissed as an unrepresentative anecdote and nothing more.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/10/24 07:35 AM
1

Enough resources to feel safe and stable, sure. Wealth? Not a universal aspiration. As for reproduction, OP was talking about aspiring for as much sex as possible with as attractive partners as possible, not raising children. And you need only to talk to young people today to find out that having is not a universal goal either. We are creatures sure, animals even. But we have evolved the ability to think critically and to introspect about our individual goals and values.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/10/24 06:07 PM
3

Precisely. I'm not foolish enough to think that I speak for all women. Surprise, surprise, we're not a monolith. But for me, sex is intrinsically linked to romance, or rather an extension of it. Once romantic desire is established, sexual desire may follow. Having sex in any other way would elicit feelings of disgust.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/10/24 10:06 AM
22

How odd. Have you considered that you might be projecting your own priorities and insecurities onto everyone else? You're implying that the two most important things in life are sex and money. From what I gather, most people are more interested in connection and community, beeing seen and seeing, exploring and satisfying natural human curiosity, finding purpose, creating, being useful and valued, helping others and self-actualising.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/10/24 09:41 AM
1

That's cruel. Wth
/r/PurplePillDebate23/10/24 07:59 AM
5

I'm an open book. He is too. But neither of us really care to ask much about it. Sometimes some funny stories are brought up, but that's pretty much it.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/10/24 03:27 PM
3

Sometimes calling someone creepy can get them to back off after several polite and even firm attempts.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/10/24 02:58 PM
7

Can't relate. My boyfriend is hot and needs no fixing.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/10/24 02:06 PM
6

Yes. This.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/10/24 11:36 AM
2

I think you're conflating the standards of people interested in casual sex with the standards of people looking for a long term partner. As someone who's not interested in anything casual both is important. Of course I want my partner to have good qualities and of course I want to be with someone I'm attracted to. Otherwise I don't see it lasting. And who would want to be with someone that isn't head over heels for them? I certainly wouldn't.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/10/24 10:14 AM
1

I changed strategies to not pile up matches. It was too stressful and like you said, I didn't want to waste anyone's time. What eventually worked for me was making a strict criterea of things I wanted to see in the bio, and when a rare profile hit all of those points it'd match and only talk with them until I decided if I wanted to meet up. If not, I'd go back and repeat the process. It worked, but it felt like a dystopian game. I'm glad to be out of it.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/10/24 09:55 AM
1

But I did, at first. It was too intense. Only when I narrowed my right swipe rate from 20% to 2% did I meet my partner. Insane numbers, I know but based on a long list of bio criterea. Most men in my city are very handsome, so that wasn't my concern.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/10/24 08:09 AM
1

I eventually narrowed my right swipe rate from 20% to 2% and stopped anytime I started chatting with someone. Those numbers are insane to think about now. It worked, but I disliked most of the OLD experience.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/10/24 08:07 AM
1

I actually became bio picky, not picture picky. In my city I'd say that most men between 25 and 45 are very handsome, so that wasn't something I thought much about. The man I eventually ended up with had a very well written and witty bio, full of musical, historical and literary references. I thought we could have an interesting conversation so I swiped right. Rest is history as they say.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/10/24 08:05 AM
2

Bumble was actually my preferred app because I got to make the first move. It might br cultural? I'm Scandinavian and if you observe on a night out you'll see a good mix of men and women approaching eachother.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/10/24 07:59 AM
1

That might be true for a few, but it's still a strange thing to assume. Not to mention disrespectful, in not taking her seriously.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/10/24 07:51 AM
1

I was young and naive as they say. First time on the apps. I thought maybe he's shy, who am I to judge? As I wrote that only lasted one day followed by a flood of messages. I gradually went from an initial right swipe rate of 20% all the way down to 2%.... Which sounds insane.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/10/24 07:49 AM
1

I'm aware. As messed up and inhumane it it, lonely men means money, and profit is the goal, not connection. Maybe we should do like Japan and make state run apps? Sounds better and dystopian at the same time.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/10/24 07:43 AM
2

Well, I'm certainly glad to be out of the dating world. Felt like more trouble than it was worth most of the time.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/10/24 07:40 AM
3

it's thoroughly messed up...
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 09:10 PM
2

I understand that, which is why I imagine changing the apps is the only way.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 09:03 PM
3

I had it stated on my profile that I wasn't interested in anything casual, and still. I don't think people read.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 09:01 PM
1

No, but it can be taken into account when designing the apps. Strict like limits? On either side.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 08:59 PM
5

I'm only interested in sex with a strong romantic connection. If I lack that, abstaining is easy.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 08:58 PM
1

Don't you think that would cause a lot of frustration?
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 08:53 PM
2

hahah you're funny 😂
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 08:22 PM
2

I can't say disgust is something I often feel, especially towards people. Maybe while cleaning my shower drain.... Cold approaches do make me very uncomfortable though. I never accept that kind of advance. Sometimes the rejection is taken badly, otherwise it is usually very awkward and I feel bad for turning them down.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 08:20 PM
1

You're want to cap male users. What about men arriving late?
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 08:02 PM
1

I'd definitely keep it in mind if I went back in time. When you're new and nobody's had a chance to swipe on you yet you I don't expect to match that much. It caught me by surprise.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 07:57 PM
1

I figured that out eventually. I also decreased my right swipe rate from 20% to 2% which is honestly ridiculous. Fortunately it somehow worked out but I credit that mostly on luck.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 07:52 PM
1

⁠This varies a lot from one country to the next. I believe it's mostly illegal but even where it isn't, it is heavily stigmatised, sellers and buyers. That's more the case in the south, less in the north. ⁠That makes sense, on either side. I would want not only to be extra solid and reliable but to have someone I could rely on in case the need would arise. I honestly think I'd be chronically stressed. There is online discourse about this here, but I've yet to see it in person. ⁠We are also on so…
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 07:49 PM
1

That is weird indeed. I also got a surprising amount of incredibly inappropriate messages despite stating that I'm only interested in finding something serious.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 07:17 PM
2

Hmm. But what about men looking for something serious long term and not just casual sex?
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 07:15 PM
1

Are you saying that swiping aml right is a reflection of men's actually attraction?
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 07:10 PM
3

Do you think dating in the US is very different to lets say western europe, or Australia?
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 07:09 PM
2

That dating in the US is worse/harder than in Europe. Tbf dating in lets say Denmark, Romania or Spain is very different.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 07:08 PM
2

Haha that's beautiful
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 07:00 PM
1

People actually ask you that?? That's so incredibly insensitive when it's a known, common insecurity for many men. Equivalent to asking someone's weight. Have people no decorum?? I'm really sorry you had to deal with that.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 06:59 PM
1

How would the waiting lists work? You stay until you find someone? Indefinitely? Time limit?
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 06:56 PM
1

Attractive sure. I live in Norway. Most of the men on the apps are attractive, but what about compatibility? The way I started filtering was based on what was or wasn't written in the bio. Is there any indication that we'd get on? That we have similar goals? Similar preferences and priorities? Sense of humour? etc.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 06:54 PM
1

I definitely think irl is important, and the skills we acquire in person can be useful on the apps. I understand that what I am suggesting isn't really helpful for an individual. I think this and several other issues are at least in part a result of the way the apps are structured, not to help people find eachother but to make a profit.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 06:47 PM
1

Definitely. I guess women might to a larger extent be used to thinking about how we present ourselves.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 06:44 PM
2

People keep saying that. I wonder why.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 06:43 PM
2

holy shit I feel bad for laughing
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 05:31 PM
2

Yeah, I definitely do not think it's the only issue, by far. The fact that the apps profit massively from men's loneliness surely plays a part.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 05:30 PM
2

That's actually brilliant haha
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 05:29 PM
1

Ahh I see. Definitely different. My city is mostly youngish adults.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 05:28 PM
2

I understand that. It seems people have fewer relationship's in their teens and have sex later and later. Which to be fair might be good to some extent. I believe the average age for girls used to be 15 here. Not sure how wise that is.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 05:19 PM
2

Good strategy.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 05:17 PM
1

Maybe it's because women often need more time to feel ready to sleep with someone?
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 05:17 PM
3

I support this, but I am no longer single.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 05:16 PM
2

But are we talking casual exploration or actual relationships?
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 05:08 PM
2

I guess it depends on where you live. I'm in my late 20s and the pictures of me were in bully hiking gear and in a hotdog costume lol
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 05:06 PM
0

I guess in this regard I was helped by not being comfortable quickly jumping into bed with anyone.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 05:03 PM
5

I don't like it.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 05:00 PM
17

Hormonal birth control killed my libido in my teens and early 20s. Late 20s now and since coming off my drive is driven(hehe) by romantic interest. I was never into casual and could happily abstain if I wasn't interested in anyone. Now that I am in a committed relationship I'd say it's higher than average.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 04:59 PM
1

I am not looking for sympathy. I'm just trying to shed light on one potential reason for the discrepancy on the apps. And if it's making women even more selective based only on the profile, men that might have gotten a chance wont. Limit likes maybe?
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 04:52 PM
3

It's more meaningful in the sense that if you do match, you know you're both genuinely excited about it.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 04:47 PM
1

Goodness... That's unfortunate. It's always so clear when they didn't read your bio too.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 04:46 PM
2

To be fair most abusers do not start of being abusive, but rather it is behaviour that slowly sneaks up on you. I'm happy to say that I found myself a wonderfully wholesome man, so there's that.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 04:44 PM
2

Scandinavia.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 04:41 PM
1

On an individual level, perhaps. But when too many do they all end up shooting themselves in the foot.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 04:40 PM
3

That's interesting. Now I wonder too.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 04:37 PM
1

That's an interesting observation. I feel like it was pretty even among my uni friends, but many, women and men, were heavily focused on studies, so that probably played a part.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 04:12 PM
1

I meant the men.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 04:10 PM
2

"Developed" nation problem, perhaps?
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 04:08 PM
2

I see. Tbh I haven't considered it. Its not something that ever crosses my mind when I'm out and about. I guess the exception is style. If a man is particularly stylish I might notice.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 04:07 PM
2

That resonates. Thank you for taking the time to lay it out so well. I like you.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 04:03 PM
-1

Maybe.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 04:00 PM
3

That could be interesting. I think I read something about Japan creating a government run app, due to the birth rate.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 03:43 PM
1

Well I'm not a fan. My boyfriend's a massive price. Although that sounds very objectifying now that I tyoed it out. Point is Im lucky to have him, and I think any partner should feel that way about the other in a healthy relationship.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 03:42 PM
3

That's a silly criteria.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 03:39 PM
3

I mean I did and it worked eventually. That doesn't make the discrepancy any better.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 03:38 PM
1

Wait what? How did that happen?
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 03:37 PM
3

But if the men swipe right on everyone it's hardly validating to get a like.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 03:36 PM
1

But if they swipe right on everyone it's hardly a component.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 03:35 PM
2

Yeah, I suppose. Which aspects of the cilture in particular did you have in mind?
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 03:33 PM
2

Some of my friends think my taste in men's looks are good and some don't. How does that make sense?
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 03:31 PM
7

Tbh I think I wouldn't have bothered if I was a man. Then again about 50% of the heterosexuals couples I know met on OLD, so that's certainly makes for some successful men.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 03:30 PM
2

I am not asking for sympathy. I am well aware that it's worse on the other side. I just don't think the apps have been made with anyones success or enjoyment in mind.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 03:28 PM
3

A) Normal looling dudes. B) I haven't seen their profiles, but their social skills are solid. C) Not ideal, at all, but much better than what some report here. D) It'd be interesting to look at stats on singleness betweens various cities and countries. I wonder how mine would "score".
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 03:26 PM
3

Oh wow. I wonder what will happen if they win.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 03:21 PM
0

Can't say I would.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 03:20 PM
2

The apps are the lesst of our concerns, but I don't think they're great, especially for men, but also in general.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 03:19 PM
0

I understand. And on an individual level there isn't all that much one can do. The apps would need to change somehow I imagine. The idea of women being a price.. Is that an OLD thing do you think? My female friends certainly think their SOs are the price.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 03:18 PM
1

Profit over people I guess... I didn't mean for that. It's an experience I share with my female friends and that I used to shed light on something that I thought might be contributing to the discrepancy on the apps. I find it to be a little more compelling when people share personal experiences in these discussions.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 03:15 PM
2

I see. That unfortunately makes sense. When I started I swiped on roughly 20%. by the end it was more like 2%. I think about half of the couples among my friends met on an app, but I suppose the women may have had some more agency there. I might have a a squeved perception of what the apps are like for men based on the men in my circles. My boyfriend for example had scheduled two other first dates the same week we had our first date, so I figured his experience on the apps wasn't very different …
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 03:10 PM
3

I meant the finance thing. Regarding looks, I think some care more than others. At the same time my hot and my best friend's hot are completely different for example.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 02:50 PM
2

I completely agree. Some say we should be grateful for the validation. But there really isn't any to be had if the people liking you don't even look at your profile.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 02:48 PM
2

I just don't understand why they would waste their time on that.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 02:45 PM
1

Understandable. Under those conditions I wouldn't want to use them either. I think it could only work if it was a widespread change. Individually we don't have very much power unfortunately.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 02:44 PM
2

Damn.. I mean most people are average looking, hence average, but in my circles (mostly late 20s early 30s) at lesst, single people are by far in minority. I have been told my city is a "couple city" though. Whatever that means.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 02:43 PM
3

That's silly.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 02:39 PM
2

That's fair. Do you think that's the nature of online dating in any case or could it change of users were put over profit incentives?
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 02:38 PM
6

It's not about fault. People are doing their best. I'm just trying to reflect on different challenges.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 02:36 PM
5

Likewise! You seem solid and not in need of my encouragement, still, I have friends who met their person in their 30s and 40s. You never know!
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 02:36 PM
5

My criterea were actually very little based on looks. Regarding height, as long as he(or she) was the same height as me (5'8), it it was all good. Finance could have been a negative point though, depending on the spesifics of the job, but I don't think that's true for most women.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 02:30 PM
4

This is where I wonder if it might be regional, because while my single male friends certainly don't get as many likes as my female friends, they get enough to go on a couple of dates each month. They also said they do not swipe right on everyone.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 02:26 PM
10

That makes sense. Being a young person is far from easy, and taking hits on your self esteem certainly doesn't help. I'm glad to hear that you feel good being single and know what you'd need from someone to consider dating them.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 02:19 PM
3

Fortunately I'm out of that world. Somehow OLD worked for me in the end. Had some good luck there. But yes, in theory it sounds lots better.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 02:16 PM
6

Alright that's fair. But I also think if men were more selective, therefore making a match more meaningful, ut might attract more women to use the apps.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 02:15 PM
11

I liked old bumble. It was my favourite dating app because people put so much more thought into their profiles. I was very happy to message first. I never tried the new version.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 02:13 PM
5

Nice imagery.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 02:10 PM
8

I understand it is though, but personally I would much rather stay single than settle. I was very content when I was single and I had friends for support and validation.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 02:09 PM
2

7 sounds reasonable to me. I never tried hinge.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 02:08 PM
3

Well as I went on to say I did change my strategy. As a newbie my right/left ratio was about 1/5. By the end it was more like 1/50. It felt terrible having to be so cut-throat. Sure, some guys were lazy and didn't put effort into their profiles, but others surely tried but for one reason or another failed to present themselves well, therefore being coldly cut. I felt like I was essentially objectifying each and every one of them.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 02:06 PM
1

I'm very pleased to hear you met someone good! I don't remember having to state my height on my profile btw. Is that new?
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 02:01 PM
4

Not entirely sure about the source but I've seen this floating around. <image> https://bedbible.com/tinder-statistics/
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 01:58 PM
3

Do you know what that limit is?
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 01:52 PM
1

At least one of them, for sure. He's been very vulnerable with me about his insecurities and mental health. We talk about his dating regularly. Good and bad. He's probably the most open person I know.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 01:51 PM
3

Idk. I think culture has a lot to do with it as well. Where I live lots of women have casual sex for example. Which complicated the apps for people like me only looking for LTR. Norway is the Chlamydia capital of the world apparently....
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 01:47 PM
4

Not in Europe where the ratio apparently is nearly 50/50. I'm European, so I speak from that perspective.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 01:43 PM
3

But as a graph posted elsewhere in this thread shows, where I live at least the number of men and womenon the apps is nearly 50/50. Ofc since I was only looking for serious dating that complicates things. Then again I live in a country where casual sex is entirely normalised, so I'm sure there are quite some women looking for that too. There should be a separate app for that.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 01:42 PM
6

I'd totally do that. I was never interested in anything casual, so I'd have rather put some time in initially and not waste my own and other people's time due to minimal information.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 01:38 PM
5

Oh wow you found it! I'm in Europe, so I guess my idea might apply better here.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 01:36 PM
4

I did, and it worked out for me eventually. But I'm trying to think of how it could be better for men since the gap is so massive rn.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 01:34 PM
1

I wasn't picky at first, but became increasingly so from trial and error. As a dating app virgin I my right/left ratio was about 1/5. By the end it was more like 1/50
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 01:32 PM
3

That's really rough. I can imagine that'd be hard on someone's self esteem. Do you think it is that bad for the average guy though? Ive talked to a couple of mates about their experiences on the apps. They told me they don't swipe right on everyone and get 2-3 matches per week. Not loads, but enough to go on a couple of dates each month.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 01:27 PM
1

If I remember correctly it was somewhere around 55/45, so not perfectly even, but much closer.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 01:17 PM
7

I am framing it in this way as I personally became increasingly selective due to the amount of matches. Friends of mine have similar experiences. Anecdotal ofc, but possibly a reason the apps are so unbalanced.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 01:16 PM
10

It's really sad. Profit built on men's desperation and loneliness. Dystopian even. I would have preferred that, the old sites, but I was too late to the game to try it out for myself.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 01:14 PM
1

Is that true everywhere? Someone here posted a graph the other day that said the ratio in Europe was closer to 50/50. I can't remember the source unfortunately. I can also imagine the apps would better appeal to women if matches were more serious.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 01:13 PM
7

I get that. One man alone can't change a widespread issue. I'm not sure what the solution is. Maybe a limited number of right swipes per week or something?
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 01:09 PM
2

I mean yeah it worked, but in the process I had to become a lot more cut throat, no longer giving the benefit of the doubt or be generous in my interpretation of profiles. I hated viewing profiles and essentially people in that way. I found my partner and I'm thankful, but the process felt so cold and dehumanising.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 12:37 PM
2

That's what I eventually did. I developed my own list of criterea and even then only swiped right on someone if I was ready to send the first message in that very moment.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 12:25 PM
1

Not true. I was much more open to giving people a chance before I realised I'd get flooded.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 12:17 PM
1

Couldn't that simply be because there are more ways to occupy your time in a big city? You say comparability is something you build. To some extent I agree in the sense that and successful long-term relationship requires effort and dedication to maintain. But what if one wants children and the other doesn't? One wants marriage but not the other. One has a job that let's them move around a lot while the other is stuck. One likes being physically active, hiking and such while the other is sedatary…
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 11:34 AM
3

I get why guys do it. The apps are clearly not working for most men and that sucks. But if fewer men swiped right on everyone, women would actually get excited on the occasion that they would match with someone.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 10:51 AM
2

That's what they do now. When I was on OLD I was genuinely surprised anytime I do didn't immediately match after swiping right, and when I didn't, more times than not, he matched with me within a couple of days. So this is already a problem. This is why I and all my girlfriends who are or have been on the apps have been VERY selective. Otherwise you get absolutely flooded.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 10:39 AM
1

I don't assume anything. I don't even think about it. Again it hasn't crossed my mind ever. I have also never accepted a cold approach. The guy either lashes out at the rejection, or if he is polite about it, it becomes awkward and I feel bad for rejecting him, even though I know I shouldn't.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 10:34 AM
2

I don't think that's true. My bf's standards are at least as high and spesific as mine and pertain to compatibility. He's very particular and knows what he needs and what he wants. He was very upfront about it, which made things so much easier. Either way, the biggest issue on the apps is a lack of women, so appealing to women is an obvious part of the solution. I doubt it will happen though, as these apps make money off of the continued desperation of men.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 10:30 AM
1

I won't, but I wouldn't wonder. The thought of doing a so-called cold approach has never even crossed my mind. If I don’t already find you interesting because I know something about you, I won’t look twice—no matter how attractive you are. I'm too busy living life.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 10:16 AM
1

I'm not single, but if I was I wouldn't need to. I meet new people all the time through friends and various activities. I don't want to be approached for my appearance and ya know, golden rule.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 09:41 AM
0

My point still stands. The main issue on OLD isn't a few attractive guys taking all the women, but rather that it's miles away from a one to one ratio of men and women.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 08:49 AM
7

When I was on the apps the thing I missed most was the ability to filter efficiently. Only filtering on age and distance is incredibly limiting. So I think you're right about too many likes/matches. I would have preferred 5% of the men I was shown, filtered based compatibility in areas important to me (and the other way around).
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 07:05 AM
9

How do you achieve the first one? Do you put a cap on male users, making them queve for access to the app? If you're curious about "the competition" you can make a separate account to look. A friend of mine did that and he wss pretty surprised (and entertained) by what he saw.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 06:47 AM
3

But compatibility is rare. Would it not be better to give more information and options to filter said information to get a smaller pool of options with higher chances for success?
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 06:32 AM
1

I don't see how limiting attractive people would help though. If anything you'd just make more men fail in finding a partner? Are we limiting attractive women too?
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 06:25 AM
4

It's not that simple. More women than men choose to remain single. More women are queer and date eachother. More women date older men, leaving young men with fewer options their own age. Also women do not OLD as much as men, and the ones that do typically do not stay on the apps for long for one reason or another.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 06:13 AM
0

Believe it or not, different people find different people beautiful 🤯
/r/PurplePillDebate20/10/24 08:59 PM
1

I disagree. I know several beautiful fat people. The friend I mentioned being one. She's gorgeous, so much so that she turned down a modeling contract.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/10/24 12:43 PM
1

I don't look down on you or anyone in your situation. I understand that our opportunities are different and that we can only act within our possibilities. I also acknowledge that it's massively unfair. I would not date someone in the US, because I'm not willing to do long distance, nor am I willing to move there. If an american lived in my city however, that would be a different story, if I was single that is. And that's when standards and compatibility would come into play, from either side.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/10/24 09:54 AM
1

That's tough. I know that the US is a little special when it comes to possibilities of travel, and that's why it's a standard I have within my context. Anyone with a job in my city would be able to join me if they enjoy traveling the way I do. I live in a European country, so on top of many planned holidays, I can get a cheap 1-2 hour flight and be in another country for the weekend.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/10/24 09:39 AM
1

Are you staying only thin people can be beautiful?
/r/PurplePillDebate20/10/24 07:48 AM
1

Nope. I'm not upper class and I manage. I live in a country where we have several weeks of paid time off, and where the close proximity to a number of countries makes travel affordable on an normal salary.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/10/24 07:45 AM
0

On average you are probably correct, that it typically matters equally for men and women. I think I might make the mistake of projecting how I feel onto women generally. For me initial physical attraction is minor, but as I get to know someone and start falling for them, they become more and more beautiful. That is probably why none of my exes look similar. One friend suggested I might be demisexual, since I've also never been interested in casual sex. But tbh I don't think it's unusual enough t…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/10/24 08:28 PM
-1

You're proving my point.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/10/24 05:41 PM
2

That's fair enough. In that case it makes complete sense to be with someone in your field. I am not trying to say that either is correct, just that both can work depending on the people you're taking about.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/10/24 04:51 PM
3

Not really. Some fields clash for sure. A climate scientist and a petroleum engineer? Probably not going to work. However, lots of people enjoy the company of someone who's different to themselves. I very much do, my boyfriend does as well. As cheesy as the staying goes "we complete eachother".
/r/PurplePillDebate19/10/24 04:39 PM
1

I actually like having social spheres that don't typically overlap. I also love being with someone that does something completely different. I find it much more interesting to listen to his passionate rambles on something that to me is unfamilliar, where I can learn something and understand a different perspective. It's intellectually stimulating.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/10/24 04:36 PM
1

If they're in my league I'd argue they're in her league as well. And we are talking men with all sorts of body types. Again, she's amazing and arguably a better catch, unless of course you admit that women are mostly judged by their bodies. Female woman? Male men? Did I miss a meme?
/r/PurplePillDebate19/10/24 04:30 PM
-1

I think it matters more when you're a woman. Men are incredibly visual in my experience. I have one girlfriend that is better than me in most ways, including beauty, except she's overweight. Her dating experience and mine couldn't be more different, where I got flooded and she's mostly invisible.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/10/24 04:13 PM
6

Tbh when I was single I just didn't see the point. If it's a stranger, why would I imagine I have anything in common with them just because I think they look cool? Not enough info. And yes, we get approached a lot and it's often unpleasant, so I wouldn't do that to someone else.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/10/24 03:59 PM
2

Who said anything about lesser? Just because I won't date you doesn't mean I see you as beneath me. One of my standards is travel compatibility. I like to travel a lot, and I like to be spontaneous when I do. It is a big part of my life that I would want to share with a partner. Do I think men who prefer to stay home or men who like to make and stick to an itinerary are lesser? Obviously not. It's just about compatibility.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/10/24 03:41 PM
1

This isn't a serious moral issue for me, but simply an ick, in the sense that it's a little silly and very spesific. If he collects expensive paintings it wouldn't ick me out, but is one morally superior? Maybe? Maybe not. I haven't thought much about it, hence ick.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/10/24 03:29 PM
1

Safety first, my dude.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/10/24 03:19 PM
1

I can afford a rolex. Wouldn't get caught dead wearing one. The ickiest is when he posts pictures of his watch(es) on instagram. ew. edit: yes I have someone specific in mind lol
/r/PurplePillDebate19/10/24 03:13 PM
2

Fair enough but what about a realestate agent, a musician, a gourmet chef, a doctor? They have crazy work hours too.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/10/24 03:01 PM
1

No it's an ick. I don't mind someone being able to buy those things, but rather that they value it. Icky priorities imo.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/10/24 02:59 PM
1

Oui 😘
/r/PurplePillDebate19/10/24 02:22 PM
2

I think you're spot on.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/10/24 01:57 PM
1

I'm sure that's true for many, but personally I wouldn't date too closely in my field, and I have friends who feel the same. My SO too for that matter. That being said, being with someone who supports you and your goals, also when they're different is non negotiable.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/10/24 01:56 PM
6

Idk it can be pretty silly and specific. Something that gives me the ick is when men collect expensive watches or when women collect designer bags. I don't think most people are with me on that one.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/10/24 01:49 PM
16

Yes please!
/r/PurplePillDebate19/10/24 01:47 PM
3

Sure, I'll humour you. So, you’re suggesting that men are the grand architects of a woman’s peace and quality of life? Sure, if by ‘quality of life’ you mean a world where women had to fight for centuries just to be allowed to vote, own property, or get a bank account without a male co-signer. And let’s not forget a society run on ‘male competition’ that brought us gems like climate change, wealth inequality, and work-life balance being a pipe dream for most of the world's population. But hey, n…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/10/24 10:22 AM
1

I don’t see it as a big problem, at least not on an individual level. I’ve been very lucky in love and cherish my partner deeply. But before I met him, I was content being single. My life was already fulfilling, and I chose to share it with him because he made it even better. If he weren’t around, or if I didn’t find someone equally compatible, I’d prefer to stay single. A mediocre relationship that adds more stress than joy isn’t worth it. As the stigma around staying single fades, people are f…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/10/24 07:47 AM
2

No.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/10/24 06:49 AM
6

I for one am very happy having the choise.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/10/24 09:00 PM
4

Women have more options now, one of them being "none of the above". And that's a good thing, wouldn't you agree?
/r/PurplePillDebate18/10/24 08:13 PM
6

It doesn't imply that. A woman is responsible for her own happines, of making choises to that end. That infludes her choise of partner or lack thereof. Not a strategy I implemented when I was single, and I was proper happy. But hey, whatever floats your boat. Single childless women are the happiest demographic, so I think they're fine, but it's kind of you to show concern for others. I'm not American so I can't speak to that. And my boyfriend is more of a dog person, so I think we'll invest in d…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/10/24 07:56 PM
5

Alright, but I haven't observed what you are describing. Where are all these women complaining?
/r/PurplePillDebate18/10/24 07:46 PM
2

I'm not complaining.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/10/24 07:26 PM
11

My partner's standards are just as high as mine. Just like me, he wasn't willing to throw himself into an unfulfilling relationship. His life is too precious.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/10/24 07:20 PM
7

Let me rephrase. The men you're competing with is peanuts compared to the competition with her existing happiness.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/10/24 06:31 PM
-1

Precisely.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/10/24 05:34 PM
97

As women have achieved independence, men are no longer competing with eachother, but rather with a woman's current peace and quality of life. If being with a specific man doesn't make her more happy and fulfilled, why would she?
/r/PurplePillDebate18/10/24 05:23 PM
1

Yes, most are, myself included. There's a couple of single people. Some dating, some focusing on other things. They're by far the minority though. For reference, most of my friends are late 20s to mid 30. Some are a little older. Are you asking about my goals, my friend's goals or women in my (Norwegian) culture's goals?
/r/PurplePillDebate18/10/24 03:23 PM
1

Well I think my boyfriend loves both. He's undoubtedly physically attracted to me, but he also regularly gushes about aspects of my personality.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/10/24 12:01 PM
2

Do you fall in love with every single cool person you meet? As a bisexual woman, I'd be screwed because I'd fall for all my friends. They are fantastic people that I cherish and respect, that I feel incredibly lucky to have in my life. That doesn't mean we have a romantic connection. And not having a romantic connection in no way diminishes those relationships. I think we massively underestimate the value of strong platonic bonds. I am more than just a potential girlfriend.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/10/24 10:19 AM
0

My charisma (or lack thereof), is a part of my personality. My looks are entirely superficial, and although I take care of myself, they're mostly random and have very little to do with me. So I'd much rather be loved for my charisma.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/10/24 10:52 PM
2

Yeah.. Since he didn't really have anyone to compare me to, it was easy for him to put me on a pedestal. So when I didn't return his feelings, to him it felt like he failed in getting "the perfect girl", when really I'm just another woman. I'm still sort of hoping that he will meet someone who shares his feelings, and that having them might make him reconsider rekindling our friendship. But I have to admit I'm not feeling very optimistic. It is very possible to make friends, with men and women, …
/r/PurplePillDebate17/10/24 03:03 PM
4

I did also make friends with one former gamer boy with zero relationship success. We had so much fun, interesting conversations and I cherished our friendship. He told me he had never opened up to anyone like he had to me. Unfortunately he then fell in love with me, and since I didn't return his feelings our friendship because too painful for him to continue. I respect his decision to take care of himself, but I do miss him, as I considered a very dear friend.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/10/24 01:52 PM
7

Don't a apologize. This was an interesting read. I always had a mix of boys and girls in my circle of friends growing up, so I suppose I might take it for granted. Then again, you might be onto something regarding the technological changes. There was a pretty massive dip in my friendships with boys starting at around age 12. Boys I previously played with suddenly didn't want to go outside or be social outside of videogames. I wasn't much into that, so those friendships eventually faded. Once I s…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/10/24 01:47 PM
2

That's a good idea. I also think you're right about it being easier to open up after someone else has opened up first. I think we need to reframe vulnerability as something brave and generous rather than a sign of weakness. Everyone struggles with something, and being the first to expose your vulnerabilities takes courage.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/10/24 12:56 PM
2

Do you have any idea how that's might change? I have one really close guy friend who's great at going deep, also on vulnerable subjects. He told me that the turning point for him was burning out. He decided to finally open up. Since then he's built many very close friendships with men and women. Edit: But it'd be nice if it didn't have to get to the point of burnout.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/10/24 11:47 AM
-1

Also, clit toys can be fun to use together, and they're nothing like a penis.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/10/24 11:18 AM
12

That's very unfortunate. Explains some of the loneliness. Though I have discussed dating/relationships with guy friends too? Do you think it's easier for some men to be vulnerable with women than with other men?
/r/PurplePillDebate17/10/24 11:06 AM
5

Exactly! We are all different and the people we're interested in are as well, so although it'd be neat it's a little naive to expect a one size fits all.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/10/24 10:21 AM
22

I think you're spot on. I also think the market for women's dating advice might be smaller. Personally I never even though about seeking dating advice online. Dating and relationships is a topic commonly discussed among my friends, so I guess we lean on eachother for advice when we need it.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/10/24 03:23 AM
2

Definitely. Classic tailoring and good quality textiles always looks good
/r/PurplePillDebate16/10/24 08:29 AM
0

Smart fits. Dark Academia?
/r/PurplePillDebate15/10/24 08:04 PM
5

Lovely people get unlucky with relationships, wether they don't find someone who's a good match or they end up heartbroken or divorced. Some choose to focus on their careers or other passions, only becoming available later in life. My point is that there are plenty of wonderful men and women out there that are single, so there's no reason to participate in adultery.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/10/24 08:00 PM
8

You think a cheater would be among the best? From what I was told the husband did nothing wrong. They were high school sweethearts and she got bored.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/10/24 07:41 PM
11

I never had a girlfriend do something like that. A guy friend of mine did however, a very close friend of many years. I did what I would have done regadless of their gender. I told him that I think it's immoral and unacceptable, that he should know better and end it. He didn't so I distanced myself from him until he eventually did cut things off, feeling heartbroken that she didn't leave her husband for him. Why he would want to be with a cheater I never understood.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/10/24 04:53 PM
3

The pictures of me are from cabin trips and such. I also have some taken by family during Christmas. Guys need to take more pictures! Beyond dating profiles, they're great for reminiscing.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/10/24 02:28 AM
1

did you try? 👀
/r/PurplePillDebate15/10/24 02:08 AM
4

I don't have to. Most of my friends are already bunch of nerds haha. Love them v much.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/10/24 02:08 AM
0

Maybe my friends just take a lot of pictures, but I've got some of me reading. I think it's possible to male it look"natural" if yours don't. Just don't do the hand on your chin. Or do?? Hand on chin, pipe in mouth, glasses down the nose. Lean into it. That could be funny. Funny is good.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/10/24 02:06 AM
3

It doesn't have to be a group photo. Just something that indicates a social life. If the pictures aren't selfies that's already great.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/10/24 10:58 PM
4

Of course I reject politely and with consideration by default. It's when that didn't work that I lied about my relationship status so I'd be left alone. Unfortunately that didn't always work either. Now that I am in a relationship I don't have to lie anymore, and I can start the rejection by mentioning my partner. As someone in a relationship I can tell you for certain that it is in no way personal if I reject you. I am loyality dedicated to my boyfriend, and don't consider the attractiveness of…
/r/PurplePillDebate14/10/24 10:56 PM
7

If you knew eachother, how could she get away with saying she has a boyfriend if she doesn't?
/r/PurplePillDebate14/10/24 10:40 PM
6

This entire conversation started with complains and unsubstantiated accusations towards women. If being a man would undo all the SA, gladly. Please.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/10/24 10:08 PM
7

Maybe try listening next time.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/10/24 10:01 PM
8

So frustration justifies not respecting a no?
/r/PurplePillDebate14/10/24 09:57 PM
5

Touch grass.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/10/24 09:56 PM
8

You should try being a woman. You'd be surprised by how many men don't take no for an answer. Out of the men that randomly approach me when I'm out and about, more don't respect a no than do. Might just say something about the type of person to randomly walk up to someone based on nothing but looks, but either way it's the shit we have to deal with.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/10/24 09:51 PM
6

You pulled that number out of nowhere. Reality? Ok. Prove it. I certainly can't relate. Not personally nor by observing people I know.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/10/24 09:46 PM
9

So you understand we do it not to "let him down easy", but to avoid conflict and potential risk?
/r/PurplePillDebate14/10/24 09:38 PM
14

He generalised women as inherently disloyal. Not a generous take on half the population.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/10/24 08:35 PM
10

I'm reading Why I Am so Clever by Nietzsche. Sounds like it might be right up your alley...
/r/PurplePillDebate14/10/24 08:33 PM
16

When I wasn't in a relationship I would use the boyfriend line because some men respect a man that isn't even there more than they respect a woman saying no.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/10/24 08:30 PM
4

It doesn't have to be a group pic. Just something that shows that you have a social life. For example: I had a video of me goofing around in a trampoline park, where you could hear my friends cheering me on in the background. It communicated that I have friends, that I like to have fun and to be active, and I don't take myself too seriously. It also made for a good conversation starter.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/10/24 08:28 PM
22

If you think so little of women, why not just leave us in peace?
/r/PurplePillDebate14/10/24 08:20 PM
6

I love books. Reading definitely falls under interesting. What do you read? Write about that. A picture of you reading would definitely stand out in a positive way. One of the reasons I swiped right on my boyfriend was literature references in his bio. Depending on your job, that could be interesting too. Gym selfies aren't my thing, but that's me. Where I live basically everyone goes to the gym or does a sport, so it's a little boring, but maybe that's not true where you live. Even if you're in…
/r/PurplePillDebate14/10/24 08:10 PM
22

Nothing. If I have already said no it's final. If he doesn't respected a no he's only digging his own grave, so to speak.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/10/24 06:42 PM
8

Show that you are fun, interesting and have friends. But make sure that there's a picture that clearly shows your face. Women don't won't to be guessing which guy in the group picture is you. As in real life, smile and be approachable. In the bio, be positive. Don't write a list of everything you've aren't looking for, or even what you are looking for, for that matter. Let the person get to know a bit of you, show off your humour and write something noteworthy about yourself. I realise cars are …
/r/PurplePillDebate14/10/24 04:40 PM
41

Yes Yes What isn't cool is shaming the person or putting them down, in person or online.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/10/24 01:36 PM
3

Again, it wouldn't mean much without all the aforementioned context. Tbf, sometimes movies get the right idea. You know when conversations just flows, when one joke naturally follows another, when you're look at eachother and it feels electric.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/10/24 09:39 AM
3

The quotes are compliments I enjoyed. Beyond that, the banter doesn't really work out of context. It wss based on who we are, where we were, what we were doing , what we did and didn't know about eachother, play on sterioypes about the countries we are from, jobs we do, activities we like and so on. Not repeatable pick-up lines.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/10/24 09:33 AM
14

It is difficult to give concrete examples without using personal anecdotes. It's also so different with different people, and requires some amount of chemistry to work. But I guess for me it's mostly about banter. Bouncing off each other with a mix of compliments and light-hearted teasing. Then there is intentional eye contact, using the persons name, being chivalrous, actively listening and asking questions that express a genuine interest in the other person. If all that goes well, and is recip…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/10/24 09:13 AM
11

Honestly, I cannot imagine the pain of losing my partner in that way, so it's difficult to say. During one of our late night chats, he told me that if he were to pass before me, he would want me to find love again and be happy. But again, it's hard to say whether or not I'd be able to after such a horrible loss.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/10/24 10:51 PM
3

I think your phrasing is just odd. I'm not judging their value as a partner. If anything I'm judging the likelyhood of us working out, which is as much a judgement of myself, if you want to look at it that way.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/10/24 11:36 PM
6

How is it a personal attack? I have rejected men and women that I think are fantastic people. That doesn't mean they would make a good partner for me specifically. It isn't a value judgment. For example, the last person I rejected, it was first and foremost because he wanted to have children asap. I don't think I'll ever want kids. Not rejecting him would have been cruel.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/10/24 09:51 PM
2

This doesn't make sense. If I reject you it's because WE aren't compatible. I am not the arbiter of attractiveness or partner sufficiency.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/10/24 08:30 PM
–

Why would my preferences matters when interacting with men or women? If I were to show kindness only to people of romantic interest, where would that leave my friends, my neighbours, my family and my community generally? I don't need to be attracted to you to treat your with respect.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/10/24 10:45 AM
–

I certainly don't think perpetuating hatered towards a different group is going to help your situation. You're only adding to the pain.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/10/24 10:40 AM
–

I have found that when I treat people kindly I am treated with kindness in return.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/10/24 10:33 AM
–

Be the change you want to see in the world.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/10/24 10:09 AM
–

How about we don't kick anybody?
/r/PurplePillDebate09/10/24 09:38 AM
5

I'd rather be single than to compromise on the basics of a relationship.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/10/24 05:47 PM
3

Definitely both. A romantic relationship isn't sustainable if it lacks either. I need comfort and stability to feel safe enough to explore, be excited and passionate. But if the person does not inspire those feelings, the relationship will quickly become more platonic than romantic. I have been in relationships that lacked one or the other. Neither worked out. Now I am with someone where both is strongly present, and I feel fulfilled.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/10/24 01:55 PM
0

I'm glad I never experienced this. I cherish my friendships with women. It's so comforting the way we always have eachother backs.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/10/24 07:20 PM
5

I have a couple of guy friends that travel a lot that can absolutely confirm number 1. One of them once told me, regarding dating and OLD: in the country I grew up I was invisible, here I get more attention than I know what to do with. edit: referenced the wrong number 🙈
/r/PurplePillDebate05/10/24 10:35 PM
3

That's your choise of course, but many women take a while to be comfortable sleeping with someone and don't have time to waste on people they're not interested in.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/10/24 10:25 PM
2

But you said hook up, so does your strategy work for serious dating or just casual sex?
/r/PurplePillDebate05/10/24 10:10 PM
4

Well as a woman who's never been interested in hooking up, this would not work for me. I met my boyfriend through OLD. We messaged for a couple of days and then met up. I was genuinely excited to see him in person and it was the best first date I've ever had. Now we are buying a house together, so that worked out pretty well.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/10/24 09:00 PM
9

Messages related to something on her profile. An activity she's doing, something she has written about herself, a place she's pictured traveling to etc. Show that you're observant and looking to actively engage with her as a person. Funny messages too are always good. Even if it's a bad joke about something on her profile, bad jokes can be very charming.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/10/24 08:54 PM
5

I disagree. Dating profiles don't have enough information to know wether there might be potential, so matching is just step one. Chat, and if conversation flows and the vibes are good, let's meet up.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/10/24 08:50 PM
6

What? No.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/10/24 08:20 PM
–

Here's your gold star ⭐
/r/PurplePillDebate05/10/24 07:00 PM
–

It's kinda funny reading this while I'm moisturising after epilating all of my body hair.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/10/24 05:25 PM
2

I'm speaking for myself and my circle. When I looked for a partner I wouldn't even have thought of mentioning nice in the list of traits I'm drawn to, because it was a given. My friends express the same, single or coupled up. It doesn't matter if you're charasmatic, if you're an ass you'll make a terrible partner.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/10/24 01:33 PM
2

We want nice. But nice is simply the bare minimum. There is so much more to it, as OP expressed. Which personality traits people are attracted to depends on the person, but there are certain things like wit, charm, confidence, passion and thoughtfulness that are generally appreciated.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/10/24 01:27 PM
–

thanks :)
/r/PurplePillDebate01/10/24 09:09 PM
–

Makes sense. thanks :)
/r/PurplePillDebate01/10/24 07:44 PM
–

Do you know why?
/r/PurplePillDebate01/10/24 07:28 PM
–

Unless someone has a great variety of pictures of themselves doing various things they like, pictures really don't say much about wether or not you might get along. My BFs bio is what made me match with him. He had a bunch of literary, music and cultural references in it that I like plus several that I wasn't familliar with, so that made me super curious.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/10/24 07:28 PM
–

Reading is my second favourite hobby 👀
/r/PurplePillDebate01/10/24 07:22 PM
–

Someone commented that the ratio in Europe is closer to 50/50. I'm European, so that checks out with my personal experience.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/10/24 07:20 PM
–

Aah that makes sense. I'm European.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/10/24 07:17 PM
–

I have talked to several women who use/used the same strategy as I did. Bio first, then look at pictures. To be fair, most men disqualified themselves right away because they didn't bother writing anything in their bio.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/10/24 07:14 PM
–

I just look at my friends in relationships. A good half found their SO on an app. They seem to work for a lot of people.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/10/24 07:11 PM
–

I have the impression that the experience on dating apps vary significantly from country to country. Thoughts?
/r/PurplePillDebate01/10/24 07:05 PM
–

Thanks! Some random old reeboks.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/10/24 06:59 PM
–

thanks 🤓
/r/PurplePillDebate01/10/24 06:50 PM
–

<image> Do like me and dress like an idiot, then people leave you alone.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/10/24 06:19 PM
7

Find someone attractive as in they are pretty to look at or as in I fancy them? If they are pretty to look at I don't really feel anything. I just acknowledge that they are good looking and go on with my day. When I fancy someone however, it's almost like a magnetic energy. I hang on their every word, I not only want to, but feel a need to be around them. I get butterflies. I think about them all the time. I get a little self-conscious because I really care what they think of me. I might do thin…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/09/24 08:22 PM
4

First and foremost, companionship, emotional support and encouragement. I have a lot of energy, and I am adventurous, so I help him to step out of his comfort zone, to have fun and be playful. I am active fit so I organise a lot of physical and social activities like long hikes, ice skating, kayaking etc. I also organise most of our trips, where to stay, what to see, where to eat, what to do, who to meet. Although he works more, I contribute financially to everything. I have an eye for cozy, so …
/r/PurplePillDebate29/09/24 09:07 AM
5

Yes, exactly. Hookups never appealed, so I never started a relationship that way either. Although I have some friends that did, they are far from the majority.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/09/24 06:35 PM
2

I disagree. I'm not worried about my SO cheating. It goes against his values and he's a very principled person. Beyond that I trust him. Otherwise, why would I be with him? Also, he is proactive, so if he didn't think I brought something to his life anymore, he'd move on. He is brave and very capable of making difficult decisions, as he has show time and time again. That's his character and it makes me feel safe. He will always tell me what he thinks and feels. He knows his value, he isn't insec…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/09/24 09:50 AM
2

No we don't? We have happy single friends, men and women.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/09/24 09:39 AM
2

love this!
/r/PurplePillDebate27/09/24 09:38 AM
6

I don't think it's fair to the kids. I am so thankful for my dad and all the fun we had when I was little, hiking, going to amusement parks, skiing, climbing trees etc. Now I'm in my 20s, he's still super healthy and fit. He still outruns me on hikes, he hugs me until my back cracks. He helps me moving and building furniture. We still have fun like when was little. He's going to be around for a very long time still, and for that I am so grateful. I love and treasure my dad, so I would be devesta…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/09/24 09:29 AM
0

Why though? Why do men tend not to build as close friendships as women do?
/r/PurplePillDebate24/09/24 08:02 PM
–

Where did you get the idea that conservatives are more fit? Weird take.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/09/24 04:27 PM
–

That isn't what feminism is about. It's about having choise, for men and women. My partner and I have pretty traditional gender roles in our relationship. Not in every aspect, but certainly in some. We are very happy that way. The difference is that we feel no need to impose our lifestyle on others. We are both left leaning and feminists. One friend of mine has a stay at home husband. Another friend is polyamorous and one friend doesn't want to be in a relationship at all. They are happy and it'…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/09/24 11:03 AM
0

But apart from sex, those are all things you can do with friends?
/r/PurplePillDebate24/09/24 06:31 AM
7

I wonder how many women are interested in casual sex though. I've never been, but I don't want to project. It'd be interesting to see some stats on that.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/09/24 07:37 PM
5

I never participated in hookup culture. It has no appeal for me, since I need time to develop feelings, a strong connection and mutual understanding and respect before being intimate with someone. That being said, I fully support anyone that does enjoy casual sex. As long as you're being safe and everyone is excited for it it's all good.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/09/24 06:41 AM
6

I think it might be easier for women, because we tend to express affection towards eachother more physically than men. My best friend and I will cuddle up on the sofa for movie nights for example. We hug, we walk arm in arm, we dance. Also, I did date occasionally. I had romantic feelings develop and got to enjoy the feeling of falling in love a couple of times, but ultimately, the compatibility just wasn't good enough to take things further to become long term partners. I treasure those experie…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/09/24 06:27 AM
42

I think one major reason is that now, in western cultures, men and women are both able to choose wether or not they want to be in a relationship. Not only legally, but it has become socially acceptable to choose to be single and self sufficient. It appears that more women than men are happy to make that choise. Thus men end up "competing", not with other men, but with a woman's peace. At least in a heterosexual context. I have been very happily single in the past, and I very well could have stay…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/09/24 05:58 AM
1

Of course it's possible. But that's the thing, if a friend of mine was mistreating their partner, I probably wouldn't know about it. People don't tend to boast about toxic behaviour, and the ones that do you'd typically clock way before becoming friends. If a friend openly talked about treating their partner poorly, I obviously wouldn't endorse that.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/09/24 03:12 PM
–

How is that working out for you?
/r/PurplePillDebate22/09/24 01:49 PM
2

Personally I find passion to be an incredibly attractive trait. When I was single, it was something I spesifically looked for. Which interest someone happens to direct that passion towards is less important to me. I just love someone with whom I can have long, intense and rambly conversations. If we happen to have some crossover that's wonderful, but I also like having a few separate interests, time to myself and time with other people to explore a variety of things. On the other hand I also kno…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/09/24 01:02 PM
0

yes, because listening to women regarding women would be ludicrous.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/09/24 08:28 PM
1

Yes of course I've met plenty of toxic people. Doesn't mean I befriend them.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/09/24 06:31 PM
2

Why do you assume we have toxic friends? I don't make it a habit to befriend toxic people, women or men.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/09/24 01:58 PM
1

You shouldn't be friends with women simply as a tactic to sleep with them or their friends. They deserve friends who genuinely value their friendships. And sure, it will benefit you in the sense that you will develop social skills with women, but we are not your wingman. We are just people.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/09/24 04:03 PM
7

Thanks! I'm very happy :)
/r/PurplePillDebate20/09/24 08:27 AM
6

In my case I was attracted to my boyfriend from the get-go, but that attraction has only grown stronger and stronger as I got to know him better. I have never been so attracted to anyone in the world as I am to him.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/09/24 07:54 AM
2

*Men here. I never had trouble dating after 26 🤷‍♀️
/r/PurplePillDebate19/09/24 08:46 PM
0

I think the age of the youngest is what's most important in an age gap relationship. If they are under 25, that's a solid red flag imo, and might be an indicator that the youngest is being manipulated. And I'm saying that as someone in their late 20s with a 13 year age gap.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/09/24 08:19 PM
7

I've seen several women say they would want kids if they could be the father.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/09/24 07:13 AM
1

The rates of SA are horrific. I never advocated for hating men or women, as you can see above. I only argue what we need to take SA and rape more seriously, and that it's prevalence can explain why people are scared. Personally I don't really keep my negative experienced in mind when I navigate the world. Some say I'm naive, but although I know there is a risk, I also know that the vast majority of people do not pose that risk. I feel like if I were to live in fear, those few predatory people wo…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/09/24 06:51 AM
1

Alright. I agree.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/09/24 02:06 PM
26

I like my life with my partner the way it is.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/09/24 11:16 AM
2

I have also lived for almost a decade in the Netherlands. I found that people were somewhat more active and social there, but still less than they used to be.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/09/24 09:07 AM
2

Norway, so close enough. I have a lot of friends of different ages and nationalities and my older friends express shock and dismay over how things have changed since they were in their 20s, not just in Norway.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/09/24 09:04 AM
2

I come from a country that is known for it's work/life balance, and yet in the last years we have seen a negative development in people's social lives. People have fewer friends and they don't go outside as much as they used to. We have an incredibly high rate it single person households. This wasn't always the case. In my current context I am considered a social butterfly, but 20 years ago I'd be pretty average.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/09/24 08:50 AM
1

For me it has less to do with looks. Again I know some very hot fat people. But past a certain point, some wouldn't be able to join me in several of my most treasured passions. Hiking, spontaneous travel, walking and exploring for hours, trying random sports and activities on a whim. I want a partner with whom I can share those things.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/09/24 08:45 AM
1

I really resonate with what you're saying. A rare treat here haha
/r/PurplePillDebate18/09/24 08:28 AM
1

I completely disagree. At least where I have lived (several European cities) most people are attractive to some extent.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/09/24 08:17 AM
1

I actually think it's about isolation. Not only relationships are decreasing, but friendships too. We are not seeing eachother like we used to. We organise our lives around work and solitary activities as opposed to community. In community you bond with actual people, with quirks, qualities and complexities, not with two dimensional curated images images on a screen. I didn't fall in love with my boyfriend's pictures. I fell in love with who he is, how he is, with me and with his community.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/09/24 08:15 AM
1

Wholeheartedly agree! Sounds like you got yourself quite the catch! It's something I love about my boyfriend as well. He is so solid in himself, if that makes sense. He can be serious and he can be silly, because he knows his worth and doesn't feel like he needs to impress or convince anyone of it. He's not arrogant either. He's aware of his flaws, but he doesn't let them overshadow all his wonderful qualities.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/09/24 08:11 AM
3

Ooh you're actually asking the right person! My circle is mostly internationals in a foreign city. I met people doing various activities like dance classes, beach volleyball and hiking groups. I met people at language exchange parties, at international food events, at themed bar nights. I met people using bumble friends and using Facebook groups for internationals and groups for people simply looking to make friends. Once you meet and become close with one person, you tend to meet more of their …
/r/PurplePillDebate18/09/24 07:29 AM
2

I mean it would definitely be interesting to see what kinds of studies have been conducted on this. I'm not exactly sure what terminology to use in my search however.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/09/24 07:21 AM
2

Cheers!
/r/PurplePillDebate18/09/24 07:20 AM
-2

Which is why I advocate for building larger and stronger social circles where you meet people organically and they get to see you and who you are over time.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/09/24 07:19 AM
1

Hey, don't apologise. Thank you for sharing. I don't think it's healthy to be everything for anyone, but being open and vulnerable is still important for connection and intimacy. For example, I have some struggles that my boyfriend knows about. Some fun PTSD stuff. I will tell him if I'm having a rough time, and just him being there and hearing me, giving me a hug is plenty and he knows that. If I need more understanding and advice, I have friends and family who have experienced the similar thin…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/09/24 07:18 AM
3

I know some incredibly attractive fat men and women. But I think that the definition of fat depends a lot on where you live. For example I have seen some discourse on American fashion tiktok where they divide people into thin, midsize and fat. If a midsize person went to Italy or Korea however, they would most likely be considered fat. And beyond country, wether you live somewhere urban or rural also changes perception. I think who you find attractive depends on exposure.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/09/24 07:11 AM
2

I don't thinking that's true. At least in my circles. I have noticed that the men care more about the apparence of their partners than the women do. Also when dating, my looks has always been in focus whenever people have complimented me. In the beginning of course when they don't know me very well, but also years in. Don't get me wrong, it is nice to receive compliments on how you look, but when it's mostly that and often, you start to wonder if that's all you're good for. I always feel far mor…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/09/24 07:02 AM
2

The best way to get that chance is by being social. Building a large network of friends and meeting people organically, where they get to see your qualities in person over time.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/09/24 06:56 AM
1

Well in this case, for the vast majority of people, it is important enough to consider at least as much as doing things to improve your looks?
/r/PurplePillDebate18/09/24 06:54 AM
1

Are you kidding me? I have know so many visibly self-conscious pretty people, especially women. Being pretty can even make you self-conscious in some situations. When people look you up and down and very clearly only approach you for your looks for example.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/09/24 06:51 AM
2

Most people aren't in a relationship with someone rich with high status though, but with someone with a similar humour, complimentary bodylanguage, similar lifestyle preferences etc. Most couples are pretty normal people who click.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/09/24 06:47 AM
3

I think many people participating in the conversation have experienced it. Most of the disagreement lies in how much it matters.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/09/24 09:27 PM
1

I'm not going to post my friends and acquaintances.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/09/24 09:22 PM
6

I think playfulness is very attractive. Not because it's unthreatening, but because it signals that he's comfortable with himself and doesn't feel the need to play cool.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/09/24 09:20 PM
2

Ted Bundy had ASPD, thus incredibly charismatic. The other guy looks terrifying, so I'm not sure how looks would play in his favour.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/09/24 09:17 PM
1

Most people are average, so factors beyond looks are more important.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/09/24 09:13 PM
1

Not only, but yes.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/09/24 09:11 PM
2

yeah, not so much.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/09/24 08:39 PM
1

yes!
/r/PurplePillDebate17/09/24 08:21 PM
2

I'm not attracted to and do not date blondes. I don't want to be with someone that could pass as my sibling lol
/r/PurplePillDebate17/09/24 08:21 PM
3

Because it wss my impression after observing them before we had spoken.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/09/24 08:19 PM
2

I'm not sure I agree. We have different preferences ofc, but I often see couples where one is much hotter than the other.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/09/24 08:17 PM
2

You imply that brooding is negative. I'd argue that for many it's attractive.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/09/24 08:15 PM
2

I am not discounting anything. I just happen to live in a European city where you don't see a lot of people of that size. A great guy that happens to be fat wouldn't be unattractive by default. I don't think most men are unattractive, nor do I think most women do. Dating apps aren't great sources for these things. I don't think of most men's attractiveness at all, but if I had to I'd say most are pretty average, as most people are.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/09/24 08:11 PM
3

True. I like to stay in shape too, partially because it let's me do fun things like climbing mountains, but I like to fee confident in my body. So I guess... why not both? Looks aren't irrelevant but they're far from everything.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/09/24 08:07 PM
2

Appearance might not be the right word. I meant as opposed to physical features in particular. Looks if you will.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/09/24 08:03 PM
6

I'm not sure I know of any 285lb people tbh. That's over 120kg, right? Also haven't dated that many people. I'm a bit of a serial monogamist. One long term (years) relationship after another since I was a teenager. That being said I've dated very skinny, very muscular and chubby guys. I was physically attracted to all of them.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/09/24 08:01 PM
3

thank you haha. So far it's been interesting at least.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/09/24 07:55 PM
2

I'm not so much suggesting that people change their personality as I am owning it. There isn't only one attractive personality anyway. But I find that people who own their qualities, their flaws, and are comfortable in themselves, tend to attract far more people than ones that are visibly self conscious and uncomfortable.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/09/24 07:52 PM
1

Not ugly. I'm not saying it changes your appearance, but that it is one of several factors that determine your attractiveness. And I think physical traits get too much attention here.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/09/24 07:47 PM
3

I'm new here 👀
/r/PurplePillDebate17/09/24 07:45 PM
3

It's hard for me to say on the latter since I've never been interested in casual sex.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/09/24 07:36 PM
0

and vice versa? I'm not arguing that physical apparence is irrelevant, but that it's part of a bigger picture, and a smaller part than typically insinuated here.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/09/24 07:35 PM
2

I think most people can. I'm sorry you can't. It's a lot of fun to become more and more attracted to your partner. Keeps things interesting.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/09/24 07:32 PM
2

Then how do you explain how you can become more physically attracted to someone as you get to know them better?
/r/PurplePillDebate17/09/24 07:23 PM
2

But if we agree that these are outliers and that most people fall somewhere around the average. Aren't we doing most people a disservice by focusing so much on physical traits?
/r/PurplePillDebate17/09/24 07:19 PM
3

For sure. Being pretty or handsome will be an advantage. It's unfortunate and hopefully we can become less superficial eventually, but for now it is what it is. I do however think that if you manage to become approachable and enticing in how you interact, it makes a massive difference, and matters more than striving for certain conventional features. Especially for attracting good connection.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/09/24 07:17 PM
2

I am not arguing that physical appearance doesn't matter. I very much wish I could, but that'd be naive. I do think however that if you're average looking, you'd get a lot further by working on feeling comfortable in yourself and having an open and interesting vibe than by for example putting on a bunch of muscle.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/09/24 07:14 PM
4

That's true enough. It is sort of elusive. But I find that people who are very accepting of themselves, of their strengths and weeknessed, tend to carry themselves in a way that make people comfortable and curious.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/09/24 07:11 PM
1

Idk. I think an average looking person with an attractive demeanor is far more interesting than a conventionally attractive person with an average demeanor.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/09/24 07:08 PM
2

Exactly! I used to be incredibly self conscious when I was a teenager as well. At some point I decided to simply enjoy life, and the amount of attention I started getting was mind blowing.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/09/24 07:05 PM
8

To me it has. Many times. People that weren't noticeable or even looked awkward in photos. Then I met them in person and they were mesmerising.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/09/24 07:01 PM
9

Appearance may not have been the right word. I'm trying to say that spesific physical features are less important for how attractive someone is than the discourse here often implies.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/09/24 06:58 PM
4

Sure, in the sence that you perceive both by looking at it, but their movement is less tangible than say their height. An actor could change it in a second.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/09/24 06:51 PM
2

I agree that the definition is terribly flawed. It's unfortunately based on law. Some countries have a better and broader definition of rape, but most focus on penetration. The fact check still stands. Even excluding women raping men, men are more likely to be raped than falsely accused.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/09/24 09:47 PM
5

https://www.channel4.com/news/factcheck/factcheck-men-are-more-likely-to-be-raped-than-be-falsely-accused-of-rape I'll just leave this here for you.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/09/24 09:40 PM
4

Sure, but it's a strange comparison to make, as most men aren't falsely accused of rape. In fact a man is more likely to get raped than to be falsely accused of raping.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/09/24 09:20 PM
3

I wish it were so.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/09/24 08:46 PM
12

What are you on about? Propositioned? I'm not talking about men simply expressing interest, flirting or asking women out. That is clearly not the issue. I am talking about sexual comments on our bodies, starting at an incredibly young age, men telling us what they want to do to us, touching us, following us, stalking us, and unfortunately more often than you'd imagine, raping us. As for men experiencing sexual harrasment and assault, that's obviously just as terrible. By saying that "all women" …
/r/PurplePillDebate16/09/24 06:46 PM
12

I kept it in quotes for a reason. But I'm mostly talking about sexual harrasment and sexual assault. Personally, I don't have a single female friend who hasn't at least been sexually harassed by a man. One time I sat down with some of my friends, and we discussed how old we were when we started getting sexual attention from adult men. The highest age was 13. Lowest was 8. I was 9.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/09/24 06:16 PM
12

It's less about "all men" and more about "all women". As in "all women" have been victimised by a man. Even if most men never harm anyone, enough men cause so much harm that it's an issue worth addressing.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/09/24 04:12 PM
1

Yes, of course! He makes me blush like an idiot, he's so gorgeous. I find the question odd tbh. Why would I be with him if I wasn't attracted to him?
/r/PurplePillDebate15/09/24 01:43 AM
4

That's lovely of you to say :)
/r/PurplePillDebate13/09/24 04:40 PM
3

My goodness, that's devastating. Have you considered reaching out?
/r/PurplePillDebate13/09/24 04:25 PM
6

One of the two that's still a close friend is a woman actually. The rest are men. But yeah... I understand it would be painful to experience "unrequited love", and also having to see that person loving someone else. I miss these friendships, but I don't blame them for taking care of themselves. And I am thankful that they respect my relationship.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/09/24 12:04 PM
3

Two are still very close friends of mine, one became less close and another two unfortunately stepped away. All initially maintained the friendship, but when I got into a serious relationship two gradually faded away and one, as mentioned, is now less close than we used to be. I suspect they had some hope that things might eventually turn romantic.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/09/24 11:54 AM
9

When my SO did it made my heart swell. I felt seen, safe, excited and happy. When friends have expressed their feelings for me, I felt guilt. Guilt in my inability to reciprocate, for hurting their feelings, for turning them down. I try my best to express that they are wonderful people, how much I value them and their friendship, that I appreciate their honesty and understand if they need some distance for a while, but that I hope that we can continue the friendship.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/09/24 10:04 AM
1

Either way I disagree that settling is the best option for anyone. If you happen to never meet someone you're mutually excited to spend your lives with, being single is undoubtedly preferable to settling or being settled for.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/09/24 12:37 PM
2

OP compared people to expensive and used cars, implying that there is an objective scale of value, in which being with someone on the wrong side of said scale would mean settling. That's what I was responding to. But obviously I'm against settling by any definition, as stated pretty clearly at the end of my post.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/09/24 11:39 AM
2

That's great! Happy to be helpful :)
/r/PurplePillDebate12/09/24 11:11 AM
4

Learning by doing ✨ We're social beings, and yet we have such an un-social approach to learning. Genuinely baffles me.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/09/24 11:02 AM
3

Precisely. And if you don't like eachother or enjoy the relationship, why bother?
/r/PurplePillDebate12/09/24 10:40 AM
11

I think this perception of settling for someone entirely misses the neuance of human relationships, attraction and compatability. You make it sound as if people fall on an objective sliding scale of value. Someone that I would consider an ideal partner, who's personality compliments mine, and who's bodylanguage, self expression and appearance attracts me immensely, might not be someone else's cup of tea whatsoever. In their eyes I might be settling, when from my perspective I'm the luckiest girl…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/09/24 10:18 AM
4

I am all for education, but realistically, what would it look like? I am not sure that having a curriculum taught in a classroom setting would be recieved well by students, or be particularly useful. By all means, improve sex ed by emphasising communication, consent etc, but I think the best way to learn social skills is by being social. The classroom structure is in many ways archaic. The skills needed for dating are similar to the skills needed to thrive our societies generally. As mentioned c…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/09/24 09:59 AM
10

I'd rather be single than to choose either of those options. If my partner and I weren't mutually thrilled to be together I wouldn't want it. I want to love and to be loved passionately. Otherwise, why make the relationship a romantic one?
/r/PurplePillDebate10/09/24 02:14 PM
2

If I reject you, it's not because you are not a good catch, It's because we are not a good match.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/09/24 09:22 AM
1

Idk. I think these adjustments would just make online dating even more artificial and awkward than it already is. Before I met my bf(on an app), I liked how flexible the apps were for testing the waters, seeing wether or not we would connect before committing to anything. If it fizzled out from either side before deciding to meet in person, that didn't feel like ghosting but rather like the natural flow of things. The apps move so quickly, so having to essentially review every single person you …
/r/PurplePillDebate10/09/24 07:06 AM
1

Only the last part would have been useful in my experience. I don't have an issue with "ghosting" if we never met. If we don't vibe we don't vibe, and things fizzle out. That's not necessarily a bad thing. I don't care how much someone unmaches, again if you don't vibe you don't vibe. I also don't care to see their type. It only matters if we are mutually attracted to eachother.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/09/24 03:37 PM
1

That's fair. I'm sure things could be done to make them better, I'm just not sure about the approach. I read somewhere that there are far more men than women on the apps, so maybe some focus on how to make the apps attractive for women? Then men might become less "desperate" and more intentional in how they select potential matches?
/r/PurplePillDebate09/09/24 02:46 PM
0

This is such a sweet comment :)
/r/PurplePillDebate09/09/24 02:21 PM
1

I wasn't swiping swiping on 100 people. That would be overwhelming. And I also had critereas that would make swiping right on that many people nearly impossible. One of my critereas was simply: have a bio and have it say something other than "I am a nice guy". Luckily, I eventually did find my person, and I think roughly 50% of my not single friends also found their partner using apps, so while they're far from perfect, they still work for many.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/09/24 02:17 PM
1

The max 5 matches cap would make women even more picky and give even fewer people a chance. When I was on the apps I matched with almost everyone. My friends have similar experiences. I think men need to be more picky.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/09/24 12:01 PM
–

Goodness, I'm sorry to hear. I've yet to encounter a frameless mattress. Knock on wood.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/08/24 08:10 PM
–

you've either got a fantastic sense of humour or you've been terribly unlucky with the men you've met. Or maybe a bit of both.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/08/24 08:03 PM
–

I guess it depends a lot on culture and your social circles? When I travel, I notice that in some places men are a lot more or less creative and exprwssive with their style, and they put significantly more or less effort into how they look.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/08/24 07:56 PM
–

Who's saying this? I never heard anyone say anything to that effect, except perhaps queer women as a joke. I'm bi myself, and I see lots of beautiful women and men all around 🤷‍♀️
/r/PurplePillDebate29/08/24 07:43 PM
–

I have a 3 drink rule when I go out, but usually just have one or two, so I've never drank enough to do something I regret, to have memory loss get sick. So it's hard to imagine. But I am curious, because I know that at least in my country, alcohol consumption can not be used as a legal defence.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/08/24 08:12 PM
1

I never argued that nobody cheats. Most people however do not. Being distrustful of your partner by default isn't healthy for any relationship. I have given my SO no reason not to trust me, nor has he me. Having a social life outside a relationship is important for maintaining the quality of said relationship. My SO fell for a social and active person that cares for their friends, so why would he want to change that? As for safety, of course we take precautions when we go out, but I won't live i…
/r/PurplePillDebate26/08/24 02:03 AM
2

Thanks for the explanation. Nope. My male friends aren't orbiters. Most aren't single and the ones that are actually value their friendships and don't want to be with every woman they know.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/08/24 01:54 AM
2

Perhaps you should reflect on your trust issues then?
/r/PurplePillDebate26/08/24 01:52 AM
2

Actually no. It happens mostly when I'm alone. These kinds of people tend to go for the vulnerable, not people in groups. Last time it happened I was walking to an appointment in the middle of the day. A man approached me. When I rejected him he started following me, touched my hair and grabbed my hand, continously asking me to give him a chance. I had to run into a store to get rid of him.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/08/24 01:50 AM
2

That's a very chronically online thing to say... I don't know what to tell you. I'm new. Feel free to enlighten me about what an orbiter is if it's important to the conversation. Sure. Relationships aren't tested when they're going well. How does that relate to any of the above? My commitment stays strong during rough patches. That's by no means unusual. Most people don't cheat. Nobody is forcing me to be with them, so I have no reason to.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/08/24 01:11 AM
1

ok? So it's not a unique idea. Your point?
/r/PurplePillDebate26/08/24 01:00 AM
1

My friends are pretty evenly split men/women. So girls' night is far from the default. Also only about 20% of them are single so SO's frequently join as well. As for friction, the banter is all in good fun and never mean spirited, so that's not an issue. Orbiters? I don't believe alcohol is able to make anyone do something they couldn't do while sober, so it's not a risk. My married friends skipped the whole stag/bachelorette party thing, so I wouldn't know. Well, if anything my friendgroup is s…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/08/24 09:43 PM
1

I'm sorry to hear that. What is it that has lead you to be distrustful of such an large group of people? Talk could really be about anything. My friends and I talk about lots of stuff depending on what's happening in our lives and in our environment, as I'm sure you do with yours. I feel like I'm stating the obvious, but if you insist, some common topics could be our personal lives, family, dating for those who are single, politics, work, travel, books, films, music, linguistics and hiking. I'm …
/r/PurplePillDebate25/08/24 09:10 PM
2

I don't agree. I am in a committed relationship and I like to go out with friends now and again to dance, maybe sing some silly karaoke, talk, banter and listen to live music. There is nothing unfaithful about that, and my SO encourages me to have a healthy social life outside our relationship. We are fully formed people that have made the choice to be together, so why wouldn't we trust eachother? He knows that I am deeply committed to him and vice versa.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/08/24 03:36 PM
1

What country? I've lived in several wester European countries and experienced the nightlife.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/08/24 01:58 PM
1

Western as in US? I'm European, so there might be some cultural differences.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/08/24 01:57 PM
2

Must be something about the places you go to/circles you run in. I don't recognise the behaviour you're describing.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/08/24 01:47 PM
3

That's bold... If they're not in an open relationship or something I have no idea. Personally I don't touch strangers 🤷‍♀️ and I don't accept being touched either. Doesn't matter if I'm single. That's just a personal boundary.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/08/24 01:40 PM
–

Wether I'm single or taken I'm happy to have friendly conversations with people. I have been told that I can be misinterpreted as flirtatious because I tend to fully engage in the conversation, I don't shy away from deeper topics and I have a lot of energy. Friends also tell me that I am bad at picking up on other people's expression of interest. One time I was out with my best friend and a new guy friend of ours. At one point my best friend interrupts the conversation, leans over the table, loo…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/08/24 01:32 PM
–

I don't think it's that simple If you consider the fact that trans women exist, willingly relinquishing advantages, not only of being perceived as a man, but also cis-gendered. Identity is so important that people risk a lot, sometimes even death, to be themselves. I realise there are some disadvantages to being a woman, but there are advantages too. One example: It appears to me that it is quite a lot easier for me to find community and to deeply connect with others than it is for many of my ma…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/08/24 08:28 AM
11

Well let me tell you, it brings about some wonderful times. You should give it a try ;)
/r/PurplePillDebate24/08/24 06:55 PM
24

unfortunately, I'm afraid patronizing isn't going to save you on this one.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/08/24 06:35 PM
–

I'm bi so I enjoy the "aesthetic" of both. I'd say that women are more likely to have this graceful beauty about them, but there are definitely men who fall into that category too. And now that I think about it, it has little to do with physique and more to do with how someone carries themselves. I think my boyfriend is breathtakingly beautiful, like a piece of art.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/08/24 06:32 PM
31

This is impressively convoluted. If you struggle to make anyone enthusiastic about sleeping with you, you can just say so, and I'm sure people would be happy to give you some pointers.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/08/24 06:25 PM
4

if those were the options I'd be single. Fortunately men are as diverse in their interests and lifestyles as women 🤷‍♀️
/r/PurplePillDebate23/08/24 09:58 AM
2

and some women don't care. They value other qualities depending on their needs and preferences. Just like any human, as surprisingly women are humans, go figure.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/08/24 02:18 PM
4

Hiking and sports that are popular across gender is definitely a great idea. Here paddle board, volleyball and acroyoga are popular options. Dance classes too actually tend to have more women. I'd also suggest local political groups and charities. I partake in several groups like this, not for dating as I'm not single, but to connect with people and have fun/do something meaningful in my community. All the groups that I'm in are roughly 50/50 men/women and I know many people that met their SO th…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/08/24 11:55 AM
–

I just prefer it? Similarly to how I prefer dark hair over light hair. Maybe I like contrast? I'm blonde and slim so maybe I'm looking to diversify the genes hahah
/r/PurplePillDebate20/08/24 08:41 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

© TheRedArchive 2026. All rights reserved.
created by /u/dream-hunter