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View 2 posts and 134 comments by gorillavstiger on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
20

gorillavstiger/r/Divorce_Men22/01/24 05:04 AM
15

Success Storiesgorillavstiger/r/Divorce_Men27/02/24 04:20 PM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
5

This is wonderful, should be a short film
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/25 09:46 PM
5

Have zero regrets about divorcing my ex. She was not good as a wife and has become a horrible co-parent and human since. High conflict everything, unfortunately. Bad role model, drug user, you name it. I do regret not seeing my kids every day. It has caused me tremendous pain, has disrupted their lives in a multitude of ways, and I think the "parenting" they get at my ex's is unhealthy. Have had three different therapists (of my daughter) confirm this. In a perfect world I would have gotten divo…
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/25 12:48 PM
22

Social media. The perceived availability of so many people who have their lives completely together. We all of course know that's not true, but there's this surface level presentation of a perfect self. Everyone has their shit together, no drama, seemingly financially stable. Lots of thirsty people out there. Easy to get attention from a small (or large) handful of potential partners. That attention becomes addictive.
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/25 09:36 PM
8

Another man fighting against an insane ex-wife, well done. Also sorry you have to deal with that. Yes, short and emotionless is key. Just the facts. It almost becomes a game after awhile, how long can I delay responding and how brief can I make the response. To grey rocking!
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/25 06:57 AM
7

Don't respond unless absolutely necessary. No reason to AND it will drive her crazy. She is like a wildfire, she needs the drama and attention for fuel. If you grey rock her she'll eventually lose strength and realize she isn't getting what she wants - mostly attention and to frustrate you. As always, keep the receipts (messages, accusations, etc). Stay strong brother
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/25 06:20 AM
2

While I was absolutely thrilled when my divorce got finalized I was still processing lots of emotions. You're in the same position. Been separated 4 years, divorced 3. So happy I filed and the pain has all but receded into my memories.
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/25 05:46 AM
5

If she cheated before and you didn't walk she will definitely do it again. Have a consultation with a lawyer about your options, particularly if you have evidence about the cheating
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/25 03:48 AM
9

I stayed for the kids and didn't regret it, also eventually left for my own sake. Still have great relationships with my kids (50/50) and don't have to live with a woman who is even worse than I assumed while married to her - which is saying a lot.
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/25 03:46 AM
5

So sorry to hear that, your ex is a terrible human. Sadly you aren't alone in here but that doesn't diminish the pain she has caused or changed everything you've been through. Only advice is to continue to seek therapy, continue to let your feelings flow through you/process them, and in time you'll heal. Best of luck
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/25 05:54 AM
11

There is always a guy behind the sudden shifts in attitude and blame
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/25 03:46 AM
3

Fight her. Fight her for the house, fight her for the car, fight her for the kids. It's going to cost you money now but these stress and anxiety you will save later will be immeasurable
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/25 05:20 PM
9

It's okay to beat yourself up a little bit, we are all fools at one point. She isn't worth your time and energy anymore and the sooner you come to accept that the faster your healing process will start
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/25 02:21 AM
2

I'm so sorry, sounds like an awful situation and you are in a brutal position right now. I left my ex of 15 years who was emotionally dead, a terrible wife for years, and honestly not good for essentially my entire marriage. Sounds like yours is worse. We have several kids together and like you it was crushing thinking about not being with them every day....until I realized (a) what they were watching and understanding a "marriage" looks like (bring healthy), and (b) the fact I would have had to…
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/25 05:46 AM
7

Get a lawyer, now. Seriously, have a consultation with someone at minimum. You'll be surprised at what this would actually look like. If possible seek couples therapy first, though again in the meantime have a consultation with a lawyer to get their perspective.
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/25 05:53 AM
2

Nope, mine was lazy during the divorce and has been since. I'm sure your position is frustrating in various ways though I'll swap Exs with you any day.
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/25 07:05 PM
2

I'd rather pay her alimony and child support (nearly halfway done with alimony!) than spend any more of my life with her. Definitely been through bitter moments, eventually just accepted it and moved on. Prioritizing overall life and peace over the money.
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/25 05:47 AM
4

I'm hoping to get to where you are at in 2025, want it to be the rebuilding year. Once kids are older though I agree, no need to communicate anymore (though will have to if our kids have children)
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/24 08:31 PM
8

No, quite toxic at this point unfortunately. Been divorced 3 years. Hoping it gets better over time though not optimistic about it.
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/24 08:29 PM
2

Maybe hurting her conscious, she may be terrified as to what the court will do custody wise and or financially. Every state is different as is each circumstance. You weren't married that long so alimony probably wouldn't amount to much. Anyway, I would ask your lawyer. If she truly doesn't want it and there's that big of an income disparity - take that money and run!
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/24 10:58 PM
9

Seems very odd that she would want to waive alimony, my guess is the further you get down the path her friends and/or lawyers will tell her that's a terrible idea. Only possible rational reason is if she did something, had an affair or cheated on you, and wants to get everything over with quickly so you don't find out...?
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/24 10:55 PM
3

This is the way
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/24 03:25 AM
6

I was in that situation many years ago, I refused to move forward with the divorce without 50/50 custody. Ended up getting it
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/24 10:02 PM
2

I get that, I've used a co-parenting app. Still have to deal with the ex far more was my point
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/24 01:54 PM
5

Kids in the equation? If so, I feel for you because you'll have to deal with her. If not, there is the door.
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/24 06:23 AM
3

Nope. Tried for about four sessions, I was the only one who honestly communicated.
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/24 12:34 AM
2

Life, and especially love, is messy. People change and not always for the better. Yes the process sucks but eventually you'll get over it. Good to have supportive friends, great to get new friends and interests. Small goals are wise but also design your life how you want to live - you get to make all the decisions now. Have a desire to go on a road trip to the beach/mountains/desert? Do it! Have you always wanted to learn an instrument? Do it! You're free from your ex, enjoy that freedom.
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/24 01:19 PM
5

During the separation. It was symbolic of the relationship that connected us, that connection dissolved. Felt good selling it as well, treated myself with the proceeds
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/24 06:30 AM
2

Get multiple opinions from appraisers. It's going to cost you perhaps a couple hundred dollars but this is not a calculation that you want to take lightly.
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/24 11:00 PM
4

Me, couldn't take an empty person around me and the kids. Marriage wasn't great leading up to 2020, got a lot of clarity during the covid months
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/24 06:37 PM
0

That's good starting point, glad to hear it's equitable. In terms of earnings. I don't know what your expenses look like but generally a mortgage is a far higher expense than minor things. So you own a home together, are both your names on the title? What I'm getting at here is the current structure of finances and expenses often dictate what will carry forward into a marriage. I'm just making sure you can protect yourself should you choose to go the marriage route and things go south. Crappy th…
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/24 06:37 PM
1

How are your finances? Both working, shared expenses, etc? Have you talked about having kids and if so how does that affect each of you working? While divorce itself is painful, the economic pain is central to many of the gripes listed in this sub.
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/24 06:16 PM
2

I feel for you. I tried to make things work with my ex for close to a year, she was emotionally checked out and spending much time with her (with or without the kids) was pretty painful. There were a couple of instances where I could feel two different parks before me: (1) with her and the kids where the relationship was neutral at best (I wasn't thriving but was with my kids full-time), and (2) wasn't with my kids full time but personally I was thriving in a new relationship. I ignored path #2 …
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/24 09:33 PM
3

This is a tough one. Sure, you could probably live until your kid gets older and leaves the house and then reassess everything at that point That is 13 years of your life you're talking about though including countless evenings, vacations, experiences, etc. where you're not maximizing your life - you're living in a comfort zone. Have you two tried to be closer, emotionally and physically, or has that ship fully sailed?
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/24 08:54 PM
5

Grey rock. It is a bit early to fully employ this strategy, but it is a powerful one. I know it sounds draining but get jacked up on caffeine and go do something strenuous. I don't care what it is:, going for a run, swimming, going to the gym, etc. Hell, even going for a long walk Movement and listening to an audiobook or your favorite music will help, even if it's one hour at a time. You've got this
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/24 08:07 PM
2

You have to block her on all social media, trust me. It'll just tear you apart
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/24 08:06 PM
2

I recently sold my ring online, was great to get it out of my house.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/24 07:21 PM
3

I did mine without lawyers, only had one mediation session and that was 45 minutes long. I saved a ton of money and overall would give myself a 90 - 95% in terms of the overall language and the decree, that 5-10% is going to haunt me for a while though.
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/24 03:32 AM
1

I agree to an extent, in a similar situation. Not having to be with or around my ex definitely helps tremendously - though alimony and child support have definitely changed the trajectory of my financial future.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/24 09:49 PM
2

I'll second just feeling your way through this, don't suppress emotions. Nothing good will come from that. You will heal eventually and slowly. We are with you brother
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/24 06:50 PM
5

Cannot stress this enough. Take the high road, put the kids first. Nothing elaborate or expensive from them, just let them pick things out for her. You don't need to even be in the room when they give her the gifts, just send them in to the kitchen or bedroom or wherever she's at and let them have their moment with her.
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/24 02:08 AM
1

I tell people I'm sorry they had to go through that and hope everything works out well. Especially when they have kids and I know, like myself, they'll have to continue to deal with their ex for a long time. Haven't heard of a single divorce that was easy and completely painless so I think sorry is justified. My 2 cents
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/24 09:34 PM
2

This. Just breathe, spend time listening to your intuition, and the self confidence will return
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/24 04:16 AM
2

*unt? Might be my ex. 😂
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/24 04:14 AM
5

And they want you to pay for all three
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/24 04:13 AM
11

When it felt like I only had a roommate, a very expensive one, and she had no interest in changing that.
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/24 08:08 PM
3

That's definitely a red flag. Sorry man
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/24 08:07 PM
1

Qualified Domestic Relations Order, helps move money from 401k to (in this case, and mine) an exw
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/24 11:57 PM
3

I am right there with you, very similar story about a dead bed, making all the money, not being appreciated, etc. After the divorce I didn't even want to date, tried hanging out with various groups of people to build a bigger network (people who do the same activities I do). I just happened to find someone who I connected with and ended up getting married to an amazing person
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/24 05:40 AM
2

Been there brother. I really went deep into my past times (working out, trail running, fly fishing, skiing) and met some cool people through those activities (mostly trail running). Just found people doing cool routes on Instagram or Strava, also used the apps Meetups and Pastimes to meet people interested in the same things I am. That period was all about focusing on myself, my kids, and just finding my own groove and rhythms. Time to heal and find out what the future you looks like, you've got…
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/24 07:01 PM
1

I see your point, though I think simply paving over painful emotions just lets them simmer. They aren't going away, best to truly feel them and let your body and heart process them. I think it's very healthy to experience all the emotions you have had in a prior location. I fully agree with creating new, fun memories in those locations so we are in agreement there though
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/24 03:43 PM
5

I second this. If she's an active social media user she probably has men (or a man) in her DMs, met someone through a friend, or some other reason that she wants to detach from you.
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/24 03:19 PM
5

I may be the odd duck here but I didn't have any long-term sadness regarding my relationship with my ex-wife - she was like living with an empty human being - but definitely a lot of sadness regarding not being with my kids all the time. Thankfully I have 50/50 custody of them, no not being with them is the hardest part of my life right now and that will always be the case. Just something I have to adapt to and make sure I enjoy all my time with them. Life goes on, just has a different tune to i…
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/24 07:40 PM
1

Agreed. First it's nice to sit and absorb the feelings you have while near them, but yes, I also enjoy creating new memories there
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/24 05:02 PM
2

Everyone needs something different that's for sure, I just found this to be immensely helpful. Really felt like I was able to close lingering chapters
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/24 11:20 PM
2

I definitely think you should revisit those places, though again when you feel like you are emotionally ready to feel whatever wells up in you. It is definitely sad and can be painful visiting certain areas or locations, though there are also positive memories as well. Those positive memories are good to have when you're not getting along with your ex for whatever reason and you can remember at one point you chose to be together, despite whatever has transpired that led to the divorce. I think c…
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/24 11:19 PM
1

That is a good way to change the narrative for those places, first by going alone and feeling all the feels and then by creating new, positive memories there. I did that in the desert where I've had some fond memories with my ex and our kids, did a couple of trips there by myself and felt varied emotions and now I've returned with friends and my current partner. Feels very refreshing not having twinges of pain or sadness, instead just faint shadows of my prior life and vivid memories from my cur…
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/24 09:37 PM
2

Yes, I suppose it's like that. Though instead of spiders it's memories you surround yourself with.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/24 09:33 PM
2

That's a great way to take back emotional control of a setting. Fun to hear you're dating in that same spot as well, while the memory from your past will always be there now you're building new memories in that setting as well
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/24 09:31 PM
2

I second this. At least for a time, maybe he'll realize he is being abusive
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/24 05:33 PM
2

Not specifically what the sub is for but there's no way in hell you will be turned away. How can we help?
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/24 05:21 PM
3

Well I have to say if you feel emotional thinking about it then I advise visiting one meaningful place and just...be. Let the feelings flow, absorb the good and the bad of whatever races through your mind and heart. The only caveat is doing so when you feel you are ready: not when you're feeling really low, inebriated in any way, or otherwise feel emotionally compromised. It definitely sucks in the moment but those emotions are there, you need to let them come out and honor them.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/24 05:19 PM
5

Kudos to you for putting this much energy into balancing your life! Definitely not an easy feat. Teenagers can be notoriously fickle when it comes to appreciation as well so I'm sure you have extended a great deal of energy into being involved in their lives without always feeling the appreciation you may want or expect, just know your kids will remember your efforts.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/24 04:23 PM
18

Don't move out! And specifically don't move into the place your mom wants to give you. Wait for that until after the divorce is complete. If she did it once she will very likely do it again, you want to have that in the back of your mind constantly? Like you said before, the relationship hasn't been good in a long time. Take this as your opportunity to save yourself
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 02:51 PM
5

My ex and her friends didn't go as deep as your ex went (I think), but they were all huge skeptics of COVID and everything that went down in 2020. Definitely created a strain on our relationship and hopefully led her to engage with other men for... Comfort? For something.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 01:38 PM
2

Same. Social media gives too many people access to those desperate for attention (both women and men)
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 01:36 PM
8

I'll go with you, I'm a perfect wing man!
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/24 06:18 PM
6

The main pro is not sharing a life and household with someone that you don't love anymore. To me. That was a massive drain on my emotions, even being around her was frustrating. The con is you're stepping into a life you don't know, one that won't be easy though depending on how painful you're current life is may be necessary
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/24 09:55 PM
2

Damn, from my experience and that of my brethren she must have really been something. Sorry you had to live through being married to her, happy for you with custody!
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/24 08:55 PM
3

I'm right there with you. I'm fine seeing her at soccer games, dance recitals, spelling bees, etc because we are both supporting our kids. Though I'm not going to go on vacation with them or even participate in holidays together, at least not yet. Every situation is unique though I made sure I establish clear boundaries of interaction early on to ensure I felt as comfortable as possible, advise you to follow a similar path. What you're feeling going through the process is going to be very differ…
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/24 10:49 PM
6

Got remarried, signed a post-nuptial agreement though. She is an amazingly mature and understanding woman, much different than my ex. Though if shit hits the fan financially I am covered.
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/24 04:53 AM
5

Get a room you two! 😂 Seriously though, that's good for you two. Having kids in the middle definitely makes things exponentially worse
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/24 04:11 PM
1

Honestly, get off the sauce. Whether it's actually alcohol or some other drug, what you wrote is from a place of illogical rage. Highly advise you write anything to the judge, especially right now. That's not going to go well for you
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/24 03:30 AM
4

Make sure you have perspective, especially right now. It's true and life is going great and especially needed when life is not. A new job is a reason to celebrate! The life you envisioned has ended, and yes it's going to hurt. Allow yourself to feel the hurt so you can truly process it. Focus on what you can control, sounds like housing issue number one. Like you said: save up money and start building towards the life you want. Good luck brother!
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/24 01:45 AM
7

With that time frame, and that amount of money, definitely seek a lawyer. Sorry your ex is trying to leach you to death
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/24 08:55 PM
0

Strange you got down voted, this is good advice
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/24 06:30 AM
8

My ex consulted with her boyfriend, who I didn't know about, while we were in mediation. They are still together though of course won't get married or cohabitate because she still isn't working (3 years later). Could be extremely bitter, I would rather focus on the long-term and be confident my situation will be 5x better (though I fear for the kids).
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/24 05:23 PM
1

Hahaha - yessssss. So happy for you man!
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/24 06:19 PM
2

Glad you have solid boundaries man, feels SOOO damn good. I wish I could have seen your ex's face too! Lol
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/24 05:58 PM
10

Establish boundaries. I felt near where you are, I set up several boundaries that have been helpful. 1) She cannot enter my house. She LOST her mind with this one, partially because it was where we lived together though also because she is a control freak. It was incredibly helpful. 2) I don't talk on the phone with her. Our horrible communication issues did not magically get fixed when we got a divorce. She used to constantly ask to have phone calls, I tried it during the separation and the res…
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/24 02:43 AM
5

So sorry to hear that. My oldest daughter seems to vacillate between wanting to be around me and only wanting to be around her mom, mostly because her mom lets her do whatever she wants. It is sad and frustrating going through that, I can only imagine what you are going through.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/24 04:28 PM
4

Curious, have you talked to them about how it makes you feel? Until they know and then don't change their behavior you're possibly just hurting yourself over analyzing everything.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/24 03:59 PM
5

First step of many brother, let us know how we can be of assistance. You're not alone
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/24 03:03 PM
2

Haha, don't I know it! Been in an analytical or management rules for a while, no one gives a shit about that. Give them some war stories from restaurant though and you have the audience at your fingertips
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/24 03:38 AM
9

While it will be extra painful I suggest you and your ex get a plan together for telling the kids. This will be burned into their memories for a very long time, if not forever. Best not to blame one another but simply state that you two, while you love them unconditionally, simply can't be in a romantic relationship anymore. Console them, answer any questions they have about the future honestly, and just be very present for them. The conversation with my kids telling them we were separating was …
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/24 03:24 AM
3

This is fantastic advice, was going to say something similar about the old her (and you) not existing anymore. That is a bit confusing because we feel like the same type of men, but in reality we are in a very new context and we need to reinvent ourselves. I know my ex is nowhere near the person she was, all the bad parts of her have been accentuated and the decent parts of her completely disappeared. I will also second the new habits piece, and new hobbies. Nothing better than to learn new skil…
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/24 02:04 AM
11

Realize it isn't your fault they turned on you, something is wrong with them. Whether that's something psychological, emotional, or the way they just feed off the victim narrative during the divorce it is not your fault.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/24 01:56 AM
8

That is a beautiful place to be. I am curious though, given the relatively new nature of it all I have to ask - are you genuinely indifferent or have you created a false emotional wall? Sounds like the former, if so why do you think that is the case? If the latter, wonder what healing still needs to be done.
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/24 02:56 AM
2

Off and on conversations for about 3 months, I finally had to file when I knew she wasn't going to change or put forth any effort
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/24 01:58 AM
1

In due time dating will go well. Right now you are in a messy situation, I tried to date before getting divorced and the timing just wasn't right. I wasn't as available as I wanted to be, didn't realize it until I was already starting to date someone. Finish the divorce, start your healing process, focus on yourself and good routines, be single for a bit, and open yourself up to new opportunities. I'm sure you'll find someone
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/24 01:56 AM
20

Ex was a SAHM, realized after she moved out of the house how little she did. She made it seem like such a chore to make dinner majority of the nights, really isn't that hard. Plus I enjoy it.
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/24 03:42 PM
5

I did. Honestly I wasn't looking to even date at the time, marriage was WAY out of my intended path. I was just focusing on myself, getting in shape, staying busy with work, and simply allowed myself to be open to the universe. Got lucky for sure, though had to totally detach myself from my previous life in order to prep for a new beginning
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/24 06:31 PM
21

At the end my ex provided absolutely nothing of value, though it really depends on the woman. She was a SAHM and was constantly spending far too much money and spent less time with the kids. I am happy remarried (prenup, to avoid the financial pitfalls again) and my new wife is completely different. Helps financially, is great with my kids, is funny, affectionate, everything I could want.
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/24 04:03 PM
1

I'm honestly not sure what your point is?
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/24 11:25 PM
1

Dude, she is going to face sex with random guys. Do you know how easy it is for a woman to find someone to have sex with? Gotta let it go
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/24 11:14 PM
13

Never being wrong, quick to shame, couldn't let go of any minor issues, argued exactly like her father (and always complained about how her father argued), little to zero affection given without me being the initiator, had a shady mother who she would defend without even decent reasoning, and sorta scary without makeup on. Yeah, I think that covers it. 😂
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/24 04:38 AM
1

Well it can be both, don't suppress your anger. Like I said, I won't let my ex in my house and she blew a gasket about that. But my reasoning was solid and I love not having her destroy my peace. There are times when she's messaging me about random crap and I'm definitely annoyed and angry, when that's the case I give myself 24 hours to respond but I acknowledge that anger. It gets better, trust me. Obviously we are all here for you if you need us
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/24 04:15 PM
1

Damn man, get your fangs out of me! 😂 You were right to an extent, I have been too lax in terms of enforcing boundaries in some ways. In other ways I have very strict boundaries that my ex hates but I will not budge on them. In terms of communication, I'm going through a process of modifying my decree - modes of communication is part of it. I've also blocked her phone number recently because she ignores my boundary. Appreciate you for saying it how it is though, good on you!
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/24 04:12 PM
2

One thing that helped me immensely was having a simple habit to focus on. One that was healthy for me, something I knew I could do if not every day almost every day and it would make me feel better. Right before everything went south with my marriage I decided to run a mile everyday, either outside or on the treadmill. My favorite place to run is on trails but it was during the winter and would do some easy treadmill miles, occasionally get out for more aggressive runs on the road, hit the trail…
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/24 04:08 PM
6

There is a reason you are separated, remember that. You are probably lonely and that makes sense, though she isn't right for you. Once you get past yours sickness make sure to get out and be active, keep your body and mind moving. Hobbies, friends, work, etc. Read some good books, at this stage something preferably non-fiction to occupy the creative side of your mind. As for missing her, you miss the idea of her but not the actual person. You're going through one of the stages of grief, totally …
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/24 01:51 PM
1

I feel so good for you man! My kids are fairly young and after my divorce being with them was an immense joy to me, they definitely helped me get through some rough times. Not that I burden them with my emotions, just having laughs, movie nights, coding on the couch, can't imagine facing that on my own. Hopefully for your ex's sake your sun still keeps in contact with her, but don't feel bad. This is your turn to bond with him. Enjoy it
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/24 03:35 AM
2

Curious, which state are you in?
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/24 03:33 AM
3

Trust me, you don't want her to come back. Even if she did, can you imagine the varied levels of resentments you would each have towards each other? I for one know I would never be interested in someone who quit on me
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/24 12:30 AM
3

Good for you for standing up for yourself! My ex also texts me way too frequently, I'm working on a decree modification anyway and I may need to put some parameters in about communication. I have definitively moved on, don't think she has
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/24 12:04 AM
4

That may be true, but you definitely don't have to talk about your love lives, who she is dating, who you were dating, etc. there's nothing but hurt for you in those conversations
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/24 08:47 PM
3

I didn't think my ex was, at least to the extent I'm learning that she is. Though I have repeatedly asked for certain ways of communication and those have been ignored. Related, she also ignores requests to not schedule events, rides, appointments with the kids during my days and yet ignores those as well. Looks like I'm in for a bit of a bumpy ride
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/24 04:47 AM
4

I like that description, destination happiness. Certainly not unique relationships since people have that same mindset with goals, jobs, housing situations, etc. Obviously it's highly problematic if you're in one of those relationships though, sorry man
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/24 12:26 AM
9

Yeah, I suppose I knew these. We talked about them, though ultimately you can't stop someone from going through a midlife crisis (her) and completely shifting her priorities. Thankfully, truly, it was the best thing for me. Long-term. I was in a rut of just sort of handling always being unhappy with her. I thought that is what marriage simply was!
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/24 11:11 PM
3

Ooo, expound on that. She picked you up because she was controlling and that was just the norm?
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/24 08:36 PM
7

My bachelor party was a rafting trip with my buddies, odd how being hung over on the water felt fine but beyond on stable land made me vomit. Repeatedly. So no, no cheating.
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/24 08:35 PM
1

There's a reason you are separated and are getting a divorce, don't forget what put you in the place you are right now. I unfortunately have kids with my ex and that caused a lot of strain and stress (mostly just letting them down, in a sense), though ultimately I want them to see what true love looks like, not what I shared with their mom. Tough times ahead for sure, will not sugar coat anything, but you'll end up in a better place.
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/24 06:29 PM
3

Glad you were responding well, it is amazing how similar so many of our stories are. Mine was about 15 years and suddenly she became a shell of a person. I thought she was. Quite certain she was cheating before we got separated but honestly I'm just happy to have her out of my life, at least daily. Due to kids still have to interact with her but long term I will be in a much better position than she is and I think overall I'm much healthier in many ways. Sorry you're going through the Springer R…
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/24 04:47 PM
6

If kids weren't involved I would 100% to be on the same route you are, kids have definitely made it much more complicated.
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/24 04:44 PM
4

I've tried to get her to willingly move on to OFW but she isn't agreeing to it. May add it to a decree modification but time will tell
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/24 04:43 PM
1

You should go back and track the finances from the date of separation if you can. Most credit card systems allow you to see who purchased what based on the card used. I started doing this from day one because I knew she was going to be dumb with money, it helped when I filed for divorce because I had a paper trail and an easy argument as to why she shouldn't get as much from our savings. Also told her I was doing this to keep her in check, ended up being extremely helpful.
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/24 02:51 PM
12

If you're feeling codependent and latching on to other women, it's time to take a break from women, honestly. Give yourself one year of not dating. Hang out with your friends more and go do social things without the intent of dating to get your fix so you're not lonely. And therapy, talking to someone may help you see new insights into yourself. Best of luck
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/24 02:49 PM
1

Agreed, so good to commiserate and share stories/advice.
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/24 02:41 PM
1

Been through this. It is brutal. Living together, while she was completely checked out for many months, was definitely the worst part of the separation and then divorce. All got better, slowly, after I didn't see her anymore. Can you two alternate living in your house until divorce is final? That's what I ended up forcing my ex to do, we have several kids together and I refused to move out. We each lived with our parents one week and then with the kids the next week. Not having to see her for a …
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/24 02:40 PM
8

Yeah I blocked her on all social media and am close to blocking her phone, she just can't stop reaching out to be about trivial stuff. I am optimistic it will get better, glad you have reached a good point.
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/24 02:27 PM
10

Crazy doesn't heal over time apparently (your ex and mine).
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/24 02:27 PM
6

Sorry man, yeah I have thought about OFW though I don't think it will help. I have warned her that she cannot just text on a whim, most communication needs to be done via email (so it doesn't disrupt my peace and so I have a record).
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/24 02:26 PM
8

My ex kept talking about a friend of hers who has lunch with her ex-husband every week to talk about kids stuff. She said this repeatedly during the separation, almost priming me to want to do the same. There's no way in hell. I gag even thinking about it.
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/24 02:26 PM
8

Appreciate the response, we are in somewhat similar positions. Not sure why our ex's, and many out there I'm sure, want to pretend like everything is hunky dory. I also refuse to chat with her. When we are in disagreement about kids activities she always wants to get on the phone together. I tried that once and our inability to communicate in our marriage is now amplified, never doing that again.
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/24 02:25 PM
2

If you don't want to hug her just politely decline, put yourself first. You don't have to make her happy anymore
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/24 04:43 AM
5

I totally understand where you're coming from. I didn't cheat per se, I occasionally got flirty online with other women but didn't actually cross the line anywhere. I'm very certain she did flirt online as well, by didn't really care if she did. She knew about some of it and was very resentful but I know I didn't do it just for the hell of it. She was fun when we were dating and engaged, heck, maybe even a year into the marriage, but then she totally shifted and got very cold most of the time. N…
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/24 01:27 AM
2

No, she definitely did not care. Still doesn't think she did anything wrong years later. Divorce was hard (we have kids together), but not being with her is amazing
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/24 10:56 AM
2

Trust me brother, I know what you mean and what you are going through. 3 years separated, 2 years divorced - my ex still considers herself a stay at home mom. No work, all play. She is mental, and part of me relishes in it though I also feel bad for her because she will be really hurting one day
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/24 02:35 AM
3

So sorry man, glad you got to 50/50. Some of these women out there are batsh!t crazy with custody and finances
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/24 01:25 AM
3

Well done on your part, don't let her shame you or feel guilty for protecting yourself. If the situation were reversed she would be fighting like hell to keep everything she has, don't fall for her victim mentality
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/24 01:23 AM
2

I know you don't see her in a favorable way right now, but damn - she is obviously going through something.
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/24 01:22 AM
7

When she asked for an open marriage on Father's Day. That was a pretty big red flag. Honestly the best thing that happened to me relationship wise. Hadn't had a connection with her since we were engaged, and maybe within our first year of marriage. She completely changed personalities after we were married for a couple years and everything became a cycle of guilt and shame. Like you, I just pressed on, focused on being a good dad but that Father's Day everything changed. Happily remarried to som…
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/24 06:01 PM
5

Wow. Assuming she went back to her surname?
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/24 02:19 PM
3

I get where you are coming from, my ex kept my name and she is a pretty worthless person. It bothers me and I told her I'd prefer she changed it back though she will eventually get remarried and either take his name or go back to her maiden name. All that said, just leave it alone and don't let her stay in your head.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/24 02:18 PM
2

Best of luck to you!
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/24 02:47 PM
2

Speaking from experience, it will take her a LONG time to get remarried. As others have said, she will drag out the alimony as long as possible. Just plan on it and be pleasantly surprised if I'm wrong
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/24 07:20 AM
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