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gracefullrose Archive

View 7 posts and 120 comments by gracefullrose on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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9

Hopefully you told him that love-bombing after the first date was a sure sign of a man being LVM, but that you will gladly see how things go after the next few months before deciding if you want to be exclusive with him or not.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/09/20 11:59 PM
3

This is the main book that I remember, and we found others in the library by the same author that we were glad not to have spent money on because he repeats himself a lot https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/29348206-no-contact
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/09/20 02:24 PM
66

I get amused by the guys who want to open their relationships with dreams of all the sex they are missing - and then complain that their wife is getting matches and all the good sex she would ever want while they are sitting home alone.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/09/20 12:23 PM
10

Good for you on sticking to your goals and following through with the rejection. When I was going through something similar with my daughter we read several books about "No Contact" written by men who played all those same games in order to bypass the court ordered restrictions. The consensus was that men claim to attend groups and even say they want to be leaders, but with no real intentions to carry out those plans. It is all for show and can't be trusted.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/09/20 04:45 PM
49

My ex could drink A LOT more than me, so in addition to wanting me out of control he also didn't stop to think about my tolerance level and just kept ordering until HE was satisfied without stopping to think of what it was doing to me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/09/20 01:31 PM
14

It makes me wonder if they have low self-esteem and don't think there is anything about themselves that you would remember.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/09/20 11:33 AM
2

This comment has given me something to think about because I frequently send DMs to women in other subs who show that they don't have any self-respect and no concept about weeding out LVM instead of trying to please them all. My hope is that they will at least read these threads for a while to see how to get stronger, not that they will post to undermine the advancements others have made.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/09/20 07:47 AM
24

My favorites are: "No" is a complete sentence. and "No" is not the start of a negotiation
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/09/20 09:43 AM
3

My friend is a nurse so they have a "scrubs night" where they all wear their work scrubs out to the pub. This song gets a lot of play for them!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/09/20 02:29 PM
1

It is great that you figured out what was happening and took steps to protect yourself. My ex one time got upset at the dinner I was making because it was something I wanted and not what he told me to fix. I didn't consider it abuse even when he dumped his bowl of spaghetti over my head, but I did leave and go home. The next night he took bags and bowls of spaghetti sauce to the little local pub as "witch repellent" telling all his buddies that if they were bothered by a b/witch all they had to …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/09/20 01:35 PM
1

I see it the same way on my computer, it requires clicking the imgur word to open the image in a new tab.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/09/20 12:30 PM
10

It varies by county. At the minimum you should be doing a reverse image search on all the pictures to see where else they might be used and then dig into any sites that come up. Some people have found a wife or kids by following the picture links to facebook, etc. Then google his name, plus google your county and the word "public records" or "clerk of court" to see if case filings are available for you to see online. I've found free copies of deeds and mortgages, liens, foreclosures, divorces, c…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/09/20 11:12 AM
41

Thank goodness you followed up before you got too deeply invested in him. In my county we can look up names in the court website to see what civic/criminal history is filed for any name. I met one guy on a dating site that wouldn't listen when I asked him to stop overly texting me and trying to find where I was going to be. After searching his name in the public records I found several prior restraining orders and court cases where he refused to leave people alone and got violent when asked to s…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/09/20 09:37 PM
18

This is from the Wiki Page Semen displacement The shape of the human penis is thought to have evolved as a result of sperm competition.[47] Semen displacement is an adaptation of the shape of the penis to draw foreign semen away from the cervix. This means that in the event of a rival male's sperm residing within the reproductive tract of a female, the human penis is able to displace the rival sperm, replacing it with his own.[48] Semen displacement has two main benefits for a male. Firstly, by …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/09/20 07:20 PM
8

https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S1090513803000163
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/09/20 07:17 PM
43

It's really sad that I'm immune to a man's tears now because the only time they were used it seems was some attempt to lie or get me to come back after I walked away.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/09/20 02:57 PM
27

Rest assured it is not just you. I had my ex-in-laws tell me that god didn't like divorce so it was my responsibility to suck it up and stay with an abusive man because the bible said I should.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/09/20 04:03 PM
9

No animals were killed. This was ceramic that when it got broken they realized that it had another statue inside. They were just amazed that after having it for so many years they never knew it contained something else inside.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/09/20 04:01 PM
5

I married a man who seemed HV until after we got our first house. He pumped up his chest and proclaimed "I am the MAN of this house" - I calmly agreed and said that I was the woman of the house, hurray that he realized our genders. He kept trying to insist that being the MAN meant being the HEAD of the house, but I never played that game which used to really bother him. We finally divorced after having children because he wasn't willing to be put second after I tended to the needs of the babies.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/09/20 10:11 AM
5

I'm glad you were able to keep up your boundaries in the first place, it is amazing how many men don't understand that "No" is a complete sentence, not the start of a negotiation. I'm another you can add to your list of "he came back" stories. In my case it was several years later and I was so excited to hear from him again! We had a lovely connection back in the day, and I honestly thought he might have grown into a real human during our break. But nope - he was getting back in touch for his eg…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/09/20 12:58 PM
17

I was thinking about this before - how a woman noticed that her urine smelled differently when she was pregnant so she told her doctor about it and he put his own name on the now famous urine test. And women for centuries have experienced false contractions at the end of their pregnancy, but some male doctor put his name on the "discovery" Too bad we haven't been able to re-write history to show all the things that women really had invented or were responsible for discovering!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/09/20 03:52 AM
8

And now we introduce you to the BLOCK button... 40 messages is about 39 too many. Stop all contact, stop allowing him to control the conversation, stop letting him into your brain when YOU are the only person who gets to be in charge of what you think, feel, and do.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/08/20 10:12 PM
124

Hurray! Good for you that you kept your boundaries and stopped him before it went any further! Now, for your next step try saying that same thing without starting "I'm sorry" ... because honestly, what do YOU have to be sorry about when it is him that was saying inappropriate comments. Keep up the great work, we all learn so much by sharing experiences like yours.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/08/20 10:18 PM
16

I've been hearing the buzzwords F.O.R.D. and R.A.P.E. as the methods for first date conversations. F.O.R.D. stands for Family Occupation Recreation Dreams and those are the topics which should be focused on when getting to know somebody. The topics to avoid are: Religion Abortion Politics Economics (some people say the E stands for Ex because you shouldn't talk about prior partners on a first date.)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/08/20 10:47 PM
18

Is there any way of bringing the dog to your place and letting your kids play with it and take it out and feed it? That will at least give you a bit of a break since you won't have to be making special trips over there. Then when he comes to get the dog (make him come to you, your delivery days are over) you can let him know what a horrible inconvenience it was and that you don't appreciate being put on the spot that way. Just because he took you dancing and did the dip doesn't mean he is worthy…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/08/20 07:46 PM
48

I have a doozy, but he is dead now so I don't have to worry about him any more. He lived about 4 houses away and it was loads of fun going back and forth between our houses - except he always wanted me going there and got mean if I refused or wanted to leave early. Then it turned out that he hadn't been paying his bills and was getting foreclosed on, so at that point he wanted to move in with me ... Nope - I had already seen how miserable it was having him around. His solution was that he would …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/20 09:59 PM
31

If she accepts the ring then she should be able to return it to the store he bought it at and keep the refund. Don't return it to the scrote who set her up for public embarrassment.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/08/20 05:06 PM
10

I did for a while, but they would just use a friend's phone or new number to try reaching me and it turned into even more energy figuring out who it was. This way they think their messages are going thru but with a silent ringtone assigned to their number it is the same as being invisible, they just don't know it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/08/20 04:44 PM
11

I was thinking about how often men claim they are visual or the hunters because of "biology" but isn't it true that a penis has it's shape because it gets used as a scoop for removing the prior mate's sperm before depositing a man's own genetic material? So if they REALLY want to go for the "it's biology" statement what they need to mention is that a woman is expected to have multiple partners with them just being one in the line.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/08/20 01:46 PM
24

I save their numbers but with the name changed to something like "Loser" or "Don't answer" - that way I know that they are just trying to waste my time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/08/20 01:36 PM
23

It's a thing. I sometimes see them called "Fanny Packs" or "Belly Bags" it depends on where they are worn and what part of the world the person saying it is from.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/08/20 03:13 PM
4

I read it as a compliment about your confidence and he made a nice comment about the location which also is a good sign that he is paying attention to your environment not just your body.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/08/20 02:53 PM
33

That hit me hard because I remember all the tears I shed over a stupid man. And instead of trying to help me work past the sorrow I was feeling he would laugh at me and tell me all the sobs were fake because "real women don't cry like that" and told me that I had to be silent from now on. That he didn't care if I cried as long as I quit making any noise doing it. Thank goodness he is no longer in my life, and funny enough I don't need to cry anymore since he is no longer around.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/08/20 11:01 AM
6

There is no reason to move off the protection of the site, the only reason for it is to send naked pictures. Like mentioned before get a Google Voice number to use when setting up dates so you have a way to call each other for emergency, but otherwise they don't need to know anything more about you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/08/20 09:08 PM
58

This is such good advice. I remember telling somebody that if they have to hide what they are doing then they shouldn't be doing it. An example was somebody telling me "He's married so we have to sneak around" No you don't! What a dumb reason for keeping a secret!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/08/20 09:26 PM
6

I can't get past the fact that he called it a "coach" cushion when he probably meant to say "couch" because it is more likely to find bits like that in a sofa instead of an outdated word for a car or on a train.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/08/20 02:45 PM
6

First off stop and breathe. You are fine, you have taken the first steps to protect yourself by going no contact. Second, relax - you are not the protector of the world so you don't need to expend so much energy worrying about what he might do to others. You are not responsible for his actions, and if somebody else is involved they can deal with it via legal or other channels. Your part is over, you don't need to spend any more time thinking about him or worrying about what he might do next.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/08/20 09:59 AM
53

We sometimes think that we've come so far, and then an article like this reveals how poorly women get treated in real life. When seen wearing masks for prevention of spreading a disease, the reaction by AI is that the woman is being silenced or assaulted because that is what is normally shown in our society. Pictures of men, however, do not receive that same negative correlation.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/08/20 10:51 PM
20

I only know one person who was picked up and jailed on a warrant. He claims that he didn't know about it, and maybe he didn't - but the warrant was for a legitumate reason so even if he didn't know about that particular warrant, he still knew about the original case and wasn't taking care of it properly. When the first few people wouldn't bail him out (no gf at the time) he was able to call on somebody else. So it isn't quite what you were asking, but in my mind he didn't deserve to use my money…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/08/20 09:24 PM
14

I don't think you specifically are craving HIS attention, just that you are lonely and he is making himself available because he senses that you can easily be manipulated and then dropped once he no longer has any use for you. Time for you to find some other hobby or something else to focus on for a little while until he moves on to the next mark and leaves you alone.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/08/20 12:34 AM
2

That's good to know! I put the book on hold at the library so it might be a week before it is ready for pickup. But I'll plan on having something light to read along with it in case I need some distraction.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/08/20 06:50 PM
2

Ironically the comment right after yours was from a user named MelatoninNightmares so I'll pass up that part of your suggestions. LOL But the relaxing tea and unwinding meditation (along with some books I've just put on hold at the library) seems like a great recommendation so thank you for sharing your experience.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/08/20 06:27 PM
1

That will help a lot to keep in mind that it is about "Feeling" safe instead of just mentally knowing that the one person can't bother me anymore. There is other stuff going on, so I guess my brain just latched on to a past experience to replay those feelings.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/08/20 06:24 PM
2

Your comment has helped more than you know by relating it to a current event. I had a panic attack at the car dealership after being told there was a 3 hour wait due to Covid, so they sent me home without the oil change because I hadn't driven enough to need it. I bet that set off the nightmare because the timing is right for feeling trapped and afraid. I'm going to look up The Body Keeps the Score because that sounds exactly what I'm feeling right now.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/08/20 05:41 PM
1

Thank you, I'm sorry to hear that you also went through the nightmares. I was hoping to hear they would fade over time. But even after months of calm sleep I'll be caught up in one.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/08/20 05:27 PM
5

Thank you, I had to google that term so I'll read up on EMDR and see who specializes in my town.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/08/20 05:26 PM
15

To me it seems like trying to stretch this out is just taking more of your energy for no value to yourself. You already told him that you want to take things slow, he has already shown that he isn't willing to listen to you when you say No or to respect your boundaries. Don't bother saying anything because he will just use it to argue with you. He already has decided that you are a "rollercoaster" so nothing you say will change that opinion. I think you should block him and don't be so agreeable…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/08/20 02:32 PM
6

I'm also getting the quarantine weight gain from being stuck inside without access to the gym or my normal walking routines. But I figure this is a time of survival so if I gain a few pounds.. no big deal.. it's what I needed to get through. Those excess pounds will come off when life returns to normal so I'm not going to worry about them while other things are more important for my brain.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/08/20 04:57 PM
6

If your first date is in a public place (as it should be) then not having sex is a no-brainer unless you plan to strip down over the dessert plates. Just don't go anywhere after the dinner, you can't crush on somebody you don't even know yet.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/08/20 10:20 AM
4

In my opinion and experience couples' counseling never works. It gives him more ammunition to use against you and then he'll blame everything on the therapist and refuse to go leaving you to explain why he behaves like that. Go to your own therapist for yourself to get your mind in order, and don't worry if he goes to one or not - he is no longer your concern and isn't your child to watch over.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/08/20 10:04 AM
2

I'm really happy to read that you feel so empowered after this adventure. And that you were with a man who respected the power of the word No. Not many men would have shown that respect. In so many situations this would have ended with the regrets of being raped for allowing the person to get so close without giving in to his demands.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/08/20 09:56 AM
1

Could you please just post a text of the lyrics so we don't have to watch the video to figure out what you mean?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/20 12:07 PM
14

I loved your description of his "dance" at the end wanting you to chase him and beg him to come back. That's exactly what they do when you stand your ground and say "good, that's what I asked you to do, so it's appreciated that you understand".
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/08/20 01:00 PM
29

I personally think you are doing fine. You have established a routine that you are comfortable with and he is working within your boundaries. Right now you don't see any need to be married and he is providing the right level of companionship for you. Why rock the boat when it seems to be smooth sailing? At least for the duration of the virus, then you can revisit if you want more once things open up.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/20 09:50 PM
28

We saw this on a thread last week - it explains the point so well. I always say that if a person hasn't learned that "No Means No" you can expect them to push other boundaries as well. https://i.redd.it/735raq6of8d51.jpg
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/20 06:18 PM
10

That seems like another case where the conversation went on much too long. He should never have had a chance trying to convince that he was not a douche. Say what you need, block, delete, move on. That seems like a much better use of energy without a long waste of time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/20 01:08 PM
14

That was a wonderful story and I'm happy that you shared it with us. It sucks that you had to go thru so much pain, but it sounds like you are coming out of it ahead in every aspect of your life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/07/20 08:41 PM
6

I never consider talking with somebody a waste of time because I learn so much about myself and what I'm willing to tolerate if they are bonkers, or they lead me to some other information so it is always growth even if it doesn't lead anywhere. That said, don't limit yourself to one person and hope he is your prince charming. Keep your options open and talk to a variety of other people at the same time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/07/20 01:09 AM
17

In my opinion unless you have dated a while and agreed to be exclusive including discussion about removing any online dating profiles then it doesn't matter what he does. Enjoy his changes as a method to learn more about him, and don't expect anything until after you meet.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/07/20 01:01 AM
25

Another thing I find annoying is when men think they are entitled to call us by first name without being given that permission. I'm thinking specifically of a few reddit threads that I've been in when the guy is getting downvoted for being wrong, so then he tries to demean me by calling me by first name - but gets my name wrong so looks even more like a jerk! LOL
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/20 05:01 PM
25

Good for you!! It seems rough now, but I promise you it will get easier. My daughter just celebrated a 1 year divorcery after a very similar incident where she was going to use her phone to video his abuse so he pushed her down and broke her phone to stop the recording. He ran before the police arrived, but they found him and sent him to jail then helped her get the restraining/no contact order. What we found was that he would use "agents" trying to get in touch with her so she had to keep up he…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/07/20 03:49 PM
20

I have never found a way to tell from a profile because those are just words, and a true sign of a good man is his actions. So many times I've met guys who seem perfect on paper, but they aren't consistent and don't do what they say they will.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/07/20 11:06 PM
8

You might want to be prepared now to hear from friends and family that you never knew existed. One of the things I learned from reading about "no contact" was that as soon as a man realizes you left is when suddenly you are the best thing that ever happened to him so he will reach out to "agents" trying to get you back. Gather your mindset that anyone who doesn't respect your decision is not really a friend. I made the mistake of taking a boyfriend (who I had just broken up with) along for a fam…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/07/20 05:08 PM
2

You are in a tough situation because you want to be kind, but he has fallen in love with a fantasy - not the real you - so don't feel as if you are responsible for his feelings because they really don't apply to you personally. Maybe let him know that you are spending too much time on the phone so won't be taking his calls more than once every two weeks. And then stick with it and block the calls except during that schedule until he has weened himself off such constant contact.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/07/20 08:48 PM
37

and fight off being groped during the movie
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/20 01:18 PM
107

I have done that waiting game, but it was with little faces looking up at me wondering why we weren't going to the beach like daddy promised. They were so much happier once we left his sorry ass and did the things we promised. For you younger women, get out before you have children that you have to explain why you stuck around with a loser for so long.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/20 12:09 AM
23

I am not marriage minded, and I welcome you with open arms. I have a daughter who is living with a No Contact order against a manipulative cheater. If she had only listened to multiple people warning her against getting involved with him she would be so much stronger and further in her career right now. Take the things you learn and apply them to your youth and growth, it all helps in the end.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/07/20 11:45 PM
11

I'm torn between wanting you to block him and wanting you to tell him that you are searching for his girlfriend to send her this with hopes that she is already making plans to dump him and move on.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/07/20 11:07 PM
18

Yes, it is hard but you should be so proud of yourself for making that big first step to reclaiming your self and your dignity. There are some recommended books to read which will help you find your inner strength. My first major GO-TO book is "Why Does He Do That" by Lundy Bancroft. I also read a few books about No Contact which I don't have any titles to recommend, but they pointed out how an abuser will use "agents" like friends or family members to pass along information to/about you which m…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/07/20 04:20 PM
7

My daughter just celebrated her 1 year of freedom from an abusive ex. She has money in the bank, her house is comfortable and happy, and best of all she has regained her self-respect and understands that nobody gets to treat her as horribly as he did. For somebody who claimed to love her, he certainly didn't show it. So even if you have moments of feeling overwhelmed, remember that in the long run it is worth it and you are on the right track by taking care of yourself first.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/07/20 02:28 PM
9

I know a guy who is about as low on the value charts as you can get, but he only drinks green tea and stuff like that. Never any beer and only a rare shot at birthday gatherings.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/07/20 10:41 PM
5

I do something similar, but instead of having a language barrier I usually pretend to be deaf so don't hear when they are trying to get my attention or saying things towards me from behind my back. They try yelling louder for a while, and then give up. It's even more rewarding if there are strangers around looking weirdly at them for hollering at a "deaf" woman.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/07/20 09:18 PM
-1

That's why I said that we can't lump all these people together as if they are all the same. Your experience is different than mine, and mine is based on real people that I am with on a regular basis. Not just a tv show.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/07/20 09:15 PM
6

So many people tend to lump together motorcycle riders as if they are all in gangs. That isn't anything at all what I see, and I have my motor cycle riding certification on my license from when my son and I took lessons together. People need to be viewed on their own merits, not by how loud their hobby is.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/07/20 09:12 PM
2

This kind of comment is curious to me, because around me all the doctors and lawyers and other professional men ride a Harley on the weekend and for charity. They are nothing like a "certain kind" that would be avoided.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/07/20 09:10 PM
31

I don't think it is fair to lump all people together because they might have a motorcycle. Some people are into dangerous riding and some are just doing it to be budget conscience or because they enjoy the freedom of not being in a cage.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/07/20 07:19 PM
1

You mention having a daughter which is always my big button issue. If you continue seeing men like this you are teaching her that as a woman she shouldn't have any self-respect because giving up her own standards to be with a man is more important. Get rid of the loser and teach her that a woman can be strong and powerful on her own, without needing to bring a man into the picture when he isn't worthy of your attention.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/07/20 12:36 AM
114

Hopefully somebody suggested that she put a camera in that room to capture what might be going on while she is gone.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/20 09:42 PM
15

Of course it depends on the site and the person, but I don't think that putting "looking for a relationship" is the wrong thing to do because it sets a more serious tone for the connection. Anything less comes off as looking for hookups and just gets attention from fuckbois. So far I'm happy with OkCupid and people there can send messages without having to match first. But I'm also VERY quick to use the block and report button so I'm not bothered with many idiots and don't waste any time getting…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/20 04:03 PM
15

I'm trying to mentally get the timeline right - so he is 5 years older than you but were you 22 when you met? Or since it was 3 years ago were you still a teen-ager that he was grooming and taking advantage of?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/20 03:37 PM
11

I can't imagine that he has changed at all but saw you were available for sex again so it going to try whatever it takes to get you in bed. Don't expect him to suddenly have feelings beyond getting his willy wet. If you decide to meet him do it only in a public place with no opportunities for contact (which in these days of Covid should be a no-brainer) But it seems like a waste of your time and emotions to let him close to you again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/20 03:35 PM
2

OMG! I looked at his post history based on that screen name... can anyone spell I N C E L ?? So many posts on MGTOW that it makes me wonder why they don't .. just go?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/20 06:52 PM
58

Ugh! And what is even more pathetic is that we are likely to see this same guy posting on all the dating subs about how toxic women are because they won't ever reply, even though he doesn't think he said anything wrong.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/20 12:59 PM
70

I agree that you did the right thing. You would not have gone that far, or to that place except by his invitation. It isn't something you would have chosen on your own. And he was extremely premature to expect "relationship" splits when you haven't had any discussion about being in a relationship with him. He just decided all on his own that what he wants is all that matters. He wasn't the HVM you anticipated, his red flags are showing by how he expects to control you and the timeline for how he…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/20 12:46 PM
0

I wonder if they are trying to see if you are real? I've never had anyone ask me that question, so am not sure how I would react. But if they stop talking to you when you won't answer it, they might think you are just a scammer/bot and not somebody they would ever actually be able to meet.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/07/20 07:54 PM
47

To add to this safety alert - everyone should look into getting a Google Voice phone number to give out to people who are not immediate family or long term close friends. You can delete the number if necessary, and it prevents people doing lookups to find you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/07/20 05:33 PM
24

As you get better at spotting the signs it gets easier. This guy probably has said and done other red flag things in the past that you didn't even stop to notice. Now that your eyes are being open to how common LVM are then you will not even have to ask about them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/07/20 11:02 PM
81

The mere fact that he can mention Jordan Peterson without gagging is a sure sign that you want nothing to do with his Incel ideology.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/07/20 10:44 PM
26

It has always annoyed me that a woman should say "I have a boyfriend" to stop being harassed because you are more respected when you are "owned" by another man. That and the fact that women wear fake wedding rings when going out so they are left alone because they have been branded as the possession of another man.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/07/20 04:42 PM
0

I would probably not ghost or make it a complete break if you still have things you enjoy chatting about. But let him know that while he feels your relationship is exclusive you don't think of it the same way and will be chatting with other people. And then do it. Mention other people you are talking to and other things you are doing without him. At that point if he gets weird or abusive you have a reason to ghost and block knowing that it was all on him for such bad behavior.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/07/20 10:23 AM
23

I suggest you read Why Does He Do That? By Lundy Bancroft - he describes this type of guy perfectly.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/07/20 10:15 AM
95

I hate the ones who claim they are single and then admit in their profile that they are really married but couldn't get matches with anyone if they admitted the truth. And the guys are trying so hard to keep it a secret that I bet most of their wives don't know they are in a so-called "open marriage" trying to find somebody for their husband to have sex with.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/20 02:38 PM
8

It's been years since I used Match, I had joined on one of their "Free Membership Weekends" and then couldn't answer any of the messages that I received. So it might have changed since then but I never went back. And yes, on OkCupid that is one of their big deals. When a message is sent then it hides the recipient's profile and the message from the sender unless you (the receiver) choose to swipe back. They call it an "Intro" and you can read the sender's message at the same time that you see th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/07/20 10:53 PM
13

I like OkCupid because you can take time answering questions and then only respond to people who don't have deal breakers in their answers. If the guy sends a stupid message or doesn't answer questions the way you prefer than you can ignore them and they will never know that you saw it. I like that my profile is actually hidden from anyone sending a message unless I chose to interact with them. I only tried Match once and got a really nice message but then found out that I wasn't able to answer …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/07/20 10:19 PM
29

For people who are interested in this period of time I suggest reading the book Radium Girls by Kate Moore (subtitled: The Dark Story of America's Shining Women) The author studied how the lives of women were not as important as the company profits, so many women were lied to and continued getting sick with radium poisoning as they licked the tiny paint brushes for making watch dials glow for the soldiers.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/06/20 09:56 PM
14

I agree with the comments so far about the hypocrisy shown by men claiming to be religious. As a non-religious person myself I was easy going about whatever cult the person wanted to identify with. And without fail they were all willing to take me to bed and then explain afterwards why I was sinning against their god by whatever it was they didn't like me doing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/06/20 02:07 PM
16

I got in a conversation recently with a 30 year old who kept referring to the younger women he was insulting as "girls" - I don't think he ever figured out why his behaviour was so offensive. https://reddit.com/r/OnlineDating/comments/hgfnvn/can_some_women_chime_in_about_why_you_guys_can_be
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/06/20 07:25 PM
16

Good for you, he doesn't deserve your attention! I am "selectively deaf" that way to totally ignore somebody who is speaking to me that I'm not willing to be involved with. Unless they know me they can't prove that I'm not really deaf, and what does it matter what they think. Or maybe I've turned off my hearing aid and don't know they are trying to talk to me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/06/20 04:07 PM
2

For those who don't know the lyrics to this song: [Verse 1] Is it too much to ask I want a comfortable bed that won't hurt my back Food to fill me up And warm clothes and all that stuff [Verse 2] Is it too much to demand I want a full house and a rock and roll band Pens that won't run out of ink And cool quiet and time to think [Verse 3] Do I want too much? Am I going overboard to want that touch I shout it out to the night "Give me what I deserve, cause it's my right" Chorus: Shouldn't I have a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/06/20 04:03 PM
14

Depending on the site you also might be able to report the message as "suspected hate/racist" so they can see if he is saying offensive stuff to other people also.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/06/20 06:46 PM
4

He actually did go to jail for it. I was so proud of my daughter that in spite of how scared she was she still called 911 and had a report made about the attack. Hubby ran away when he saw the police coming but they made it a point of finding him to let him know that wasn't acceptable. He got out on probation and had a year of No Contact to give everyone time to move past the issue. But we've heard from others that he still blames her because he "never did anything wrong and she just threw him o…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/06/20 03:48 PM
22

This isn't about me but about my grown daughter who I kept encouraging to take on the FDS mindset with her emotionaly and verbally abusive husband after years of suffering. She finally stood up for herself and held up the camera phone to make a video recording of him screaming at her. When he saw what she was doing he got outraged that she was standing up for herself so he shoved her down and broke her phone. That was the final straw which led her to filing the restraining order and getting divo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/06/20 08:43 AM
133

A "bubble" is the term being used in the UK for allowing people who live alone to visit with others they feel are safe from Covid https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-53031844
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/06/20 07:27 PM
18

I finally saw the light when a man I was dating was getting foreclosed on because in his mind drinking all day was more important than finding a job to pay his mortgage. As long as he had his own house to go to then I was content dating him and hanging out because he really was a lot of fun. But I kept up the boundary that he was not going to live in my house if/when he lost his own. The final breaking point was when he decided that he would just get a trailer or live in my front yard with hose …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/06/20 03:20 PM
4

I'm not talking about a pass because those do recycle - but when they send an actual message that works the same as a block so they are never able to see my profile again unless I choose to accept them and their intro message.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/20 11:37 PM
30

That's one of the things I like about using Ok cupid. When a guy sends the first message my profile gets hidden unless I choose to let him see me again. So I don't even have to deal with blocking or whatever nonsense he wants to give about it, he just never sees my profile again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/20 09:49 PM
103

That's probably so he can stalk her, and they both probably have publicists maintaining their accounts so none of it is real anyway.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/20 12:54 PM
14

You don't mention if you plan to have future children, but that is where all my dreams of my HVM came crashing down. We would plan an outing with the kids and at the last minute he really didn't want to go, so I would be standing at the door with some tiny disappointed faces. One would be sick and the other hungry, but since hubby didn't like to cook it was on me to deal with it all. I read something recently about planning ahead when choosing a man, because while you might be able to divorce hi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/06/20 11:27 PM
42

You are so right - and when they see that you are getting stronger and pulling away then the manipulator pulls out the tears. Oh how sorry they are to be so worthless, and look how they are crying so won't you please stay (so they can do it all again) It's really a shame that when a man cries to show how sorry he is that is my sure sign to leave, I've seen tears too many times now to think it is real.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/06/20 02:26 PM
7

Yeah, it was pretty nice. But I found out that when he got it "for me" was because a store was going out of business so he swooped in on the deal at a gigantic mark-down. I think he was planning to buy it as an investment anyway, and just told me that he was thinking of me when it got it. Maybe practice for the line he gave the next woman in line.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/06/20 11:07 PM
18

Mine didn't sell the ring. He stashed it away and then gave it to the next girl as if he had gotten it "just for her" - she and I happened to cross paths and I recognized the ring and talked about it before she had a chance to tell me her side of the story. Boy was she pissed when she learned it was a hand-me-down.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/06/20 10:37 PM
3

You mentioned that your husband was "in basic" which to me indicates some form of military? Don't they have base housing or something related to the service which you can use as the spouse for getting food or shelter?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/06/20 10:46 AM
6

I totally agree that we never need to give an explanation for "no" which is why it doesn't make sense that you think it is fine to lie when it would be better to just stop having the conversation. Because in the situation you describe he is actually correct that you have an account, that wasn't gaslighting because it was true.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/05/20 11:48 PM
1

I would think you should be straight up about having the account but tell him that you aren't adding new people right now. He actually was correct that you lied about not having the instagram, so it doesn't make you a queen for not being honest.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/05/20 11:39 PM
11

I'm not saying this is the case here, but I was just reading about a scam where people push to get phone numbers and then use them to register a google voice account using that same number. That way they can sign up for places that require a "real" phone number without having to use theirs. Even if that isn't what this guy is doing, you are wise to be cautious in giving out your phone number to somebody you might later not want having it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/05/20 10:06 PM
2

I never pay attention to those reviews since a lot of companies pay or use fake profiles in order to make their products seem legitimate. People who are happy with a product don't generally talk about it, it is the complaints that normally get written (but often hidden and not posted.)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/05/20 04:55 PM
6

I found that somebody had multiple stalking and restraining orders because of violence he committed for not being able to contact a person. I had already told him to stop texting and demanding to speak to me all the time, so it was added proof that my instincts to block him were correct.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/05/20 09:32 AM
1

I hope you reported that profile because he can't have a wife if he is single so you could use the "fake / scammer" option
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/05/20 07:24 PM
19

I went through something very similar, to the point where I was only making my half of the bed and leaving the sheets all jumbled up on his side. I usually went to bed before him, so when he came in and saw that he had to pull his own sheet up ... nah, too much trouble. He went and slept on the couch instead. It wasn't long after that before I filed for divorce, because I was already taking care of enough children without him also acting like a big baby.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/04/20 11:48 PM
13

If he is going out to bars and coming home after they close that means he is exposing you to every germ that he picked up along the way. Not only is he using you for safe housing, but he is a threat to your life even though your first sentence was that it wasn't abuse. Think again... it is very abusive behaviour!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/04/20 11:13 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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