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grrl_in_nyc Archive

View 0 posts and 76 comments by grrl_in_nyc on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
32

I seriously start to wonder if this should be a thing. I guess it's more of a feminist girl scouts/School for Girls, but helping to train girls to take no shite from anyone. I never got that and I really hope there is one day.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/09/21 11:35 PM
166

Same - he would go through the motions but felt that somehow cooking dinner was 'division of labor'. If I asked him to pick up groceries and clean since I was at work all day, oh hell no. We really, really need to start a school to educate young girls to avoid all of this toxicity.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/09/21 06:39 PM
24

Tough love as a love language - classy. Dating apps are just awful and I will never use them again. I’m hoping to maybe have some luck finding a matchmaking service for LGBTQ folks if it exists.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/21 08:45 AM
4

I have to remember this. I need a mantra to remind me what my priorities are.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/06/21 10:53 PM
3

I have a laundry list from a recent relationship. The gaslighting and toxicity was unbelievable.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/06/21 10:51 PM
20

Beware the man who is obsessed with having a kid. Often you cease to be a partner and more a vagina with a brain. When you raise that raising a child is a serious topic to think through - that somehow is spoiling it. This guy of course thinks he can fix the trauma from his abusive father by having his own kid, even if it means being a single dad. I dodged a bullet with that guy. I suspect the man in question will never had another relationship because of all the red flags anchored in his soul.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/06/21 10:49 PM
83

Amen. You sound incredible and I kind of want to date you :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/06/21 05:24 PM
5

The amount of anger and need for fights these men have is scary. So many times them saying ‘I have to work to be gentle’ or ‘I realize I’m being mean’, like the work to be gentle to a partner is somehow a massive mountain moving activity. I have nothing but pity for people who get off on their anger and especially that they are incapable of not having it as their default. Their love language is a glass of rage with a chaser of ‘I’m sorry’. The black eyed deep steering anger in their eyes when yo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/06/21 09:12 AM
38

This is absolutely true; I think they engage in toxic behavior like gaslighting to make it seem like 'we're the problem' when they know they are. They don't like it when we're certain of our femininity, either.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/06/21 11:32 PM
7

I'm convinced my most recent relationship exploded because this jerk did NOT like it when I stood up for myself, and did so in a calm manner. It unnerved him because he - like most LVM - have anger management issues. When I refused to engage in drama, I could see the wheels spinning in his head. When I called him out on his unacceptable ways of talking to him he didn't like it. I told him it was his loss.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/06/21 11:28 PM
7

I've been told I have "Big Dick Energy" and that's why I'm a "bitch" but "it's OK because bitches get respect."Being a nice PickMe doesn't get you anywhere. That saddens the altruistic person inside of me to some extent, but 🤷‍♀️. I'm done being a door mat and not respected.There are other ways to be do altruistic work outside relationships that won't get me used and abused. I've got the 'I'm being a jerk' professionally when I calmly have stated the best practices in my profession - but then to…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/06/21 11:25 PM
36

Thank you. This is an incredible community but damn there are some antiquated sex-shaming viewpoints here even among of of these group of women.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/05/21 08:26 PM
18

I was thinking tattoo to remind myself but sure :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/05/21 06:56 PM
1

You’re having a pity party Are your misinterpreting things Grow up And basically all the ones people have posted. It feels like the world is a toxic existence of multiple systems - cultural, political, educational - working together to keep us down’. Does any country get this right?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/05/21 08:29 AM
2

I’ve also gotten a variant of ‘crazy’ - ‘I find that hard to believe’ is just gaslighting coated in sugar but still immature as an adult ways of talking to other adults.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/05/21 08:26 AM
3

Same. Now I mention when my boundaries are being violated and by LVM don’t like that and will immediately hit at a line of defence rarely seen outside a battleground or courtyard.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/05/21 08:25 AM
2

Also the parents and moms especially to grab any relationship with a partner rather than be alone.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/05/21 08:23 AM
1

Plato’s idea of taking kids away from their parents at 7 has a seed of truth. People learn this growing up and aren’t corrected and it’s not all from school and the media - ther’a a lot of horrendous parenting going on.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/05/21 08:22 AM
1

Seriously. I think I’ve heard all of thesefrom from partners and coworkers
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/05/21 08:17 AM
1

‘When we fight it desexualizes me’
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/05/21 08:15 AM
1

Him: ‘Maybe you’re misinterpreting being missed when they mentioned names’ me: there were 4 people, and three names were called and lthey didn’t mention mine’. Him: oh Very hard to misinterpret a fact when it happens
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/05/21 08:14 AM
1

Is ‘grow up’ related to the ‘you’re naive’ comment? Still stinging from that one
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/05/21 08:10 AM
1

‘I need you to be less morbid’
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/05/21 08:08 AM
-11

I think she looks amazing and from her Instagram feed it seems that she’s really happy with the shoot, so that doesn’t seem to support the narrative of her being taken advantage of. I don’t seem a woman of her age as part of the pipeline issue. She has some very mature looking classic pinup photos - I find some of the fashion brands here kind of boring but fully respect this is what she wants to explore. I appreciate her on so many levels that evolution as an artist and exploring her look is nat…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/05/21 12:18 AM
4

Literally every relationship I’ve been in and every workplace too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/21 01:12 PM
1

Focusing on apartment hunt, job hunt and life plan of moving to another city. I would love to hear more of how folks stay focused especially during the pandemic.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/21 12:08 PM
10

Living the dream. I've also tried Hey Vina but not had much luck finding folks in my area. I absolutely LOVE the ideal of making more GFs and hope to find more of y'all in my city.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/21 12:07 PM
3

I was thinking the other day about how we need to teach girls to identify toxic patterns in relationships; on good days I think about how we should be teaching about healthy relationships in grade school, but on darker days I say just make it a course for young girls. This is inspiring to read and to be honest, I wish there was an adult version to undo so much of what we've internalized.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/21 12:05 PM
16

"I didn't mean it that way - it's just a joke"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/21 12:03 PM
2

They especially don't like it when you recognize what's going on and you call them on it. The ex I had who claimed to be submissive but become abusive when he didn't get his way, and the way they change after they're sweet and romantic at first to yelling and angry texts. He too didn't see me as a person and the 'playing the part' of authentic human being capable of relationships gets dropped when they realize they're asked to step up and actually relate to use as people. I think being submissiv…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/21 11:58 AM
8

They're all gross. I've recently been looking into queer OLD and honestly, the choices aren't much better - one fairly decent app seems to have a standard where people tend to not even fill out any personal information so you know literally nothing about them. I honestly don't know where to find sane, stable people to date.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/04/21 09:28 PM
14

EMN is a hipster red flag, among many. I think people who are poly and who agree to it, but the EMN people don't even want to go down the 'multiple relationships' route. Too many horror stories.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/04/21 09:26 PM
20

I hope y'all who are having these horrible experiences at work are leaving reviews on Glassdoor. We need to look out for one another.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/04/21 09:32 PM
20

I’m thinking of renting out a space with drums or a boxing setup for home.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/03/21 04:16 PM
2

He will never likely know how many amazing women will walk away from Amateur Baseball Umpire Dude who likely isn’t as hot as he thinks he is, and feel free to rate whomever - he’ll be in his room alaone likely foe the rest of his life anyway and will need a game of strikes to pass the time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/03/21 12:57 AM
6

I see not only the damaged family I grew up with, but the damage that families have done on the partners in my life - the religious zealots that washed their son's mouths out with soap, the parents who never showed them love, the parents who should never have been parents. At the same time, the foundation of 'honesty, respect, and trust' - those are choices you make, and most of my partners have actively and consciously chosen not to bring those into the relationships. I, like all of us, haven't…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/02/21 02:12 PM
25

Same. I see two people who were low value and troubled and shouldn’t have had kids in the first place and didn’t teach me anything about relationships - one just pushed me into the first person thinking I didn’t deserve better. I hope I can undo the damage these people did,
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/02/21 05:39 AM
32

Reminds me of most of the partners I had who made me feel inferior and that I was broken if I felt any pressure to perform. I’ve since figured any person who critiques my performance like I’m in the Olympics or gets disappointed with if/how/when and why I cum can go watch sports reruns by himself on a couch since I’ll be out of his life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/02/21 05:36 AM
2

That is horrific to say. I had a guy say a baker that of that when he was in high school; to think of someone in their 50s saying that is scary.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/02/21 11:29 PM
4

The boyfriend whose religious parents apparently washed his mouth out with soup shouldn't have to have gone through abuse. He turned around and felt abusing me was right. Many of us have hard childhoods but being an adult is not continuing the cycle.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/02/21 11:57 AM
25

I've found the ones that say they don't 'do' drama think they don't, but do everything they can to foster it so they can enjoy it. They're often who struggle with clear communication, engage in mind reading or assume others can read theirs, needing to be in control, and then dramatically have a tantrum and say the woman is being overly dramatic. Maybe they say that because they're the drama seekers and creators.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/02/21 11:54 AM
8

We need to start teaching girls in high school this post. All the time we can save in heartache...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/01/21 08:51 PM
3

This is so true, and it devastates me to think of how much time I wasted on these relationships. I would love to learn more about how people have used therapy as a way to understand ways to change.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/21 01:30 AM
6

I started watching a bunch of them - damnit she's a goddess of wisdom.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/21 01:29 AM
23

Same. Sometimes I feel haunted and most vulnerable about the past when I sleep. Healing from the past feels like it takes forever.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/21 01:22 AM
28

Exactly. The 'we've been there' is the worst part of all of this - the 'yup, this happens, and we profit off of it but here, let's try and help you if you're stuck in our cesspool of a objectified hell hole... free shot, baby'!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/01/21 01:56 PM
8

Is this a thing? I can't even imagine. Do I want to hear more? Do people do this?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/01/21 01:53 PM
14

I'm finding myself enthralled by the power that I know I have by knowing I will leave and not let them know - that I'm not 'feeling it'. I've come to realize someone who I thought was worth something isn't, and I realized I don't want to have the 'when you do this it makes me feel...' type dialogue only to get met with some coldness, manipulation or god knows what. I don't owe him anything. He'll be left confused and I'll have walked away and taken my power with me out the door.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/20 10:51 PM
55

Sounds great. I don't have nearly everything on that list but damn, why the hell not?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/09/20 12:07 AM
4

That is wretched. When you think back of all the crap we put up with. I had an ex whom I bought a gift certificate to a favorite store with some recommendations from the sales staff on what to buy and figured we'd go into together; he got me a cheap eye mask 'because he had no idea what to get me'. After we broke up he pestered me about the gift certificate - did I know where it was - then proceeded to insult me and blamed me for 'losing it because I was always insisting on cleaning'. Shame on m…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/20 09:35 PM
11

The catfishing for threesomes people are incredible - next level creepy and ballsy. I got contacted by the woman of a couple and after I politely said no (and there was nothing indicating that I was interested in that), I got ANOTHER message from the woman wanting to know if I'd stick like to f-ck them. Can they not read? What am I going to do, 'oh yeah, you know, you're persistent so here let me open up...? What the actual hell?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/08/20 01:36 AM
7

Yup, just need ladies in my city I can share this point of view and have meetups with when we're allowed out of the house safely again
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/20 02:01 PM
5

What are they gonna do about it - call the cops over a dusty X-Box and some crusty underpants That's a classic Beck lyric right there. My joy has been getting rid of all the things that remind me of my BF, who I realize now was a loser. I've gotten rid of things and bought the things I want and am determined to build the life I want. He drank himself to death. I plan to thrive in his absence.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/07/20 12:22 AM
13

Agree posting it online is complicated but love the sentiment. Getting rid of a bunch of crap and profiting from things has been surprisingly healing. I’m treating myself to all the things I wanted and it feels great.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/07/20 08:17 PM
24

I feel a lot of this especially the anger at LVM and my stupidity in not seeing who they were.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/07/20 10:28 PM
7

I kind of want an app for the wisdom.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/07/20 10:41 PM
2

One of my first jobs was like that - he was sweet to me at the beginning, but then actually got progressively more abusive and yelling at everyone. There was a lot of 'just do as I say' where I had to interpret illegible notes, but because he was the CEO he felt he could get away with it. I left because I couldn't take it anymore. I broke down in tears in front of everyone - which was embarassing - but I also called him out on it and said he didn't have a right to do that. Others told me later t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/07/20 06:44 PM
8

walking blond tornado of rage that is terrifying. Feels like it's described too many of my bosses.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/07/20 02:37 PM
24

Not going to make an effort to go to another borough says everything you need to know.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/20 09:27 PM
1

I was going to post that! Honestly the horse thread is so creepy I have to close that right away. It’s just NO GOD NO
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/20 06:41 PM
22

‘Back to the stables for you’
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/20 04:58 PM
8

Feel free to add all the WTFs and 'can you not understand nuance' insults you like. I'm not going to discuss anything with you if that's what you consider respectful dialogue. That's literally a waste of my time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/06/20 08:17 PM
16

Apparently for a lot of people all you have to do is link to an opinion piece where a writer says something - 'promoting abortions' and there's no links needed, so we're supposed to take it at point blank because they worked at the company that they're the authority and have no agenda. I have no idea why someone would post an essentially useless article full of hyperbole.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/06/20 08:15 PM
33

I have a lot of problems with this writing around the writer’s views on reproductive freedom. I don’t see Cosmo ever saying ‘all you need to do is get an abortion. The ‘died sick (from abortion complications or the Pill)’’ is just not accurate. Abortion is a medical procedure so there can be complications from it or the Pill but the implications of the oppose. - less reproductive freedom - is devastating. I don’t doubt a lot of what Cosmo has pushed as an editorial point of view is problematic, …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/06/20 07:24 PM
7

Says it all doesn’t it. I had to sip where one of the pics on OKC was a guy dressed as a chi”d. Full on pink tutu kind of thing with a pacifier... and then a few other photos but he felt the baby pic was the winner: I mean even if it was on FetLife it would be permissable I guess - but just so many fails with all of this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/06/20 03:21 AM
10

This - explore gender roles, be open to sharing your emotions. I don't think one necessarily needs therapy per se for all of this, but whatever people need to make themselves better partners and cope with stress in a healthy manner.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/06/20 09:30 PM
2

Right?! He ended up dying of cancer and he did nothing about his health. Some days I’m missing having a partner but I’m willing to wait for some who values me; I just want to find more friends into what I’m interested in and less the ‘who are dating’ folks. I have lots I want to do and I’m determined to do it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/06/20 07:16 PM
3

As if we can be friends after dumping. I had a guy want to know how things were going after he told me to move out because I didn’t like board games. He was twisted and good at hiding his brokenness. My goal now is get better at just focusing on myself as staying near where HVM or people will be.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/06/20 11:41 AM
7

Life goals
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/06/20 04:25 PM
4

I feel the 'there's no introvert/extrovert' type thinking is extremely dismissive of the needs of introverts. I do need time to have time to be alone alone - it doesn't mean I don't want to be social, but that I need time to recharge. There's already a subtle bias against introverts, so attempts to erase us and our needs as 'there'. The article seemed to be ok, but I encourage people who don't think that introverts need support or don't exist or 'we're all introverts' to actually ask people what…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/06/20 10:13 PM
14

It feels like I see a lot of this in discussions I'm in 'women in tech' groups - we can't just believe a woman, we have to undercut here. A woman will describe something going wrong (like sexism, toxic workplaces etc.) - and like clockwork women will spring up with the 'It's You You Gotta Fix, Pull Yourself Up By Your Bootstraps, have you Tried Talking to Sexist Guy to see his Point of View' narrative. It's internalized misogyny at its finest.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/06/20 09:44 PM
7

This thread and this subreddit are really hitting home for me. My boyfriend died in August; I thought I was doing ok, but just unlocked his phone and saw the dating apps and messages he was sending. I see now how he not only lovebombed me but was doing something similar to the ladies he was contacting. I won't get fooled again. I really need to find a community of women where I live who will keep each other with support rather than fall into a trap of toxicity again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/20 07:18 PM
1

I would love to know this too!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/20 12:53 PM
2

They should create a dating app where this is basically one of the key questions - do you clean after yourself, and have people vouch for you. We're not talking about occasionally a shirt on a chair; quite literally in almost every relationship I've had to pick up undies, do dishes, you name it. I won't do it, and I've had too many fights where I have partners not get it. Too many slobs - I won't even have a relationship with them now. They want a mommy they can go call her on Sunday. I'm a godd…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/06/20 03:18 PM
1

What app is that? On top of everything to read that much yellow for text would really, really make the content even worse
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/06/20 03:16 PM
2

Almost all of the places I've worked at I've seen a pattern of everyone interrupting everyone else but in particular it is men in power. They do not like to be challenged on it, and some use a smokescreen as a decoy - there's a lot of 'I realize I'm just interrupting and talking over everyone, HAHAH' rather than, you know, not interrupting in the first place. Had multiple occasions at work with men in particular who don't have a problem interrupting because they don't see value in other people's…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/06/20 10:05 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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