gwerd1 Archive

Upvotes	Title	Category	Author	Subreddit	Date (UTC)

Upvotes	Comment on	Subreddit	Date (UTC)
2	Well I broke the news to her last night You’re right about the By definition. Lo siento. There are certainly spaces of emotional physical or other types of abuse where leaving is not an option and staying is not a choice. I like to think (or hope) those are the aberration. Take your example of a spouse that runs around shamelessly. The partner that stays made a choice there most likely. I guess I’ll change my wording. From my experience, relationship issues are rarely fault on one side only and usually fall closer t 50/50 when everyon…	/r/Divorce_Men	14/12/21 01:23 AM
1	Well I broke the news to her last night 50% her fault for whatever reason because there were two people in the relationship making choices. And I used ‘by definition’ because of the two people split/shared responsibility. Perhaps there was a better phrase than by definition. guess I had math on the brain 🤷🏻‍♂️	/r/Divorce_Men	14/12/21 12:50 AM
1	Well I broke the news to her last night No more than 50% at least. By definition every relationship issue is 50/50. I’m sure that will be a poorly accepted statement though but it’s true. Even if you end up with the worst most selfish person. You still make a choice to stay and take it for x time. 50%. End of a bad relationship provides a space for healing and learning as long as anger is not the motivating factor moving forward. IMHO	/r/Divorce_Men	13/12/21 11:59 PM
4	Well I broke the news to her last night Op changed. That’s awesome and deserves to be applauded. Recovery is hard. That being said, damage is damage and some damage is too deep to fix. Consequences of actions and the best you can do is an “I’ll be better moving forward” mentality. Sorry this happened 🙏	/r/Divorce_Men	13/12/21 11:48 PM
1	Zoom Group Support experiment Addiction, recovery, and paths toward self care are a difficult road for some people. Whatever works for someone is valuable in my book. 🤷🏻‍♂️	/r/Divorce_Men	01/11/21 07:03 PM
1	Zoom Group Support experiment 12 step programs are designed to give you the support, structure, and process to do more than just abstain from something. They seem to be designed to give the space to deal with the underlying factors in self that allowed for things to exist that were bad for someone. I think it can certainly fit in this context as long as it was geared towards abstaining from the toxic elements of relationships many of us fell victim to. Mind you it would not be for everyone as , like all 12 step based program…	/r/Divorce_Men	01/11/21 06:50 PM
2	Fellas, hang in there I saw this quote the other day “anytime you have the urge to return to a harmful environment, keep in mind the damage it had on your sanity and the duration of time it took you to regain your peace of mind” I don’t know about you but the toxicity made it so that I just about lost myself completely and the time it took to regain some sanity from that was huge and hard fought. I still get the urge to go back though. Change is scary but keep the faith.	/r/Divorce_Men	16/10/21 10:37 PM
2	How would you have handled this? She doesn’t have to accept it. You said it. She went over the top ish. Sucks. But you said your piece. And you can kindly do it or kindly not do it. And either are best for your kids.	/r/Divorce_Men	05/08/21 07:54 PM
2	How would you have handled this? Ha. Wow. Sorry Bout that man. Next time stop after “nice try”. The silence will be deafening to her and far worse than the back and forth that she was clearly trying to get you to engage in.	/r/Divorce_Men	05/08/21 07:53 PM
2	Physical effects of grieving Yes. Absolutely. There is a huge physical /emotional and mental mind body connection. For me it was quite apparent here. There is a lot of emotion to process (whether you are happy or sad about a divorce). I find a lot of benefit in processing those emotions in a safe space. With a therapist. Heathy friends. Mindfulness. All the stuff that divorce tells us we don’t have time for. Try meditation or journaling to start slow. It really helps. Get a box of tissues ready though.	/r/Divorce_Men	05/08/21 04:46 PM
2	Losing my mind This is a great response. I was in this boat and nervously researched and finally brought it up to my therapist. Quite scared that I was in fact this person. She laughed and said “a narcissist doesn’t obsess about potentially being a narcissist in this way”. She also added “besides you don’t like yourself enough to be a narcissist “ 🤷🏻‍♂️ Goes along with the parenting comment that you know you are a good parent if you are the type that is constantly asking if you are a good parent and how to be …	/r/Divorce_Men	10/07/21 04:14 PM
1	Losing my mind This is a great response. I was in this boat and nervously researched and finally brought it up to my therapist. Quite scared that I was in fact this person. She laughed and said “a narcissist doesn’t obsess about potentially being a narcissist in this way”. She also added “besides you don’t like yourself enough to be a narcissist “ 🤷🏻‍♂️ Goes along with the parenting comment that you know you are a good parent if you are the type that is constantly asking if you are a good parent and how to be …	/r/Divorce_Men	10/07/21 04:13 PM
3	Time bomb I’m with you man. And in the same boat. I gotta talk to supportive friends and remember myself that yes it is happening. Who knows why. And just move forward in that reality and enjoy all the other moments around me. It works sometimes ;)	/r/Divorce_Men	18/05/21 04:32 PM
2	Time bomb Pick a lawyer. Go forward with them more than the consultation. The cost is annoying but you get what you pay for it seems. If they think it’s a good deal at that point then trust them and it probably is a good deal. If it’s you deciding there is fear and emotion involved, which has no place in this very dreadful and emotionally depleting financial/legal transaction we call divorce. Good luck man	/r/Divorce_Men	18/05/21 04:26 PM
1	As a 21 year old lurking in this sub, you guys have motivated me to never get married. So let me avoid some downvotes first by saying that I’m going through a divorce. And it is awful on all fronts. That being said, you’re takeaway about not getting married makes me sad. Marriage can be beautiful even with the entanglements. Relationships are really f-ing difficult man. Throw on kids and life and it is almost a joke as to the trials and tribulations faced. With all that, the bond of marriage is a potential helper in keeping the team together in the face of it all. Also sharing lif…	/r/Divorce_Men	14/05/21 11:49 PM
1	Fuck the societal norms and fuck all of you You won’t necessarily find “happy” that idea is a societal concept that in my opinion has very little tethering to reality. But from my experience Each day you are here is better than the alternative. When my emotions get involved I can’t see the light sometimes or logic at all. I do understand that , By definition, There is nothing that not being here can “fix” for anyone. Just an escape. I get why you would feel that way. However , please trust the process and the sad and afraid will slowly su…	/r/Divorce_Men	09/05/21 11:25 AM
10	It Ends, Eventually... This was extremely timely and very helpful. Im at the start of this thing. I find courage and perseverance most of the time. However I was fraying today as the light at the end of the tunnel began to seem further and more faint. Caught myself short with people I love and couldn’t find a good “out”. Your positivity and truth is refreshing right this second. Thanks man.	/r/Divorce_Men	05/05/21 02:03 AM
3	Just talked about divorce. Afraid right now. Help? Therapy helps. Or any way i can get to acceptance. Im the best when I can realize that It will be ok. It will not be how we expected it to be. For me that is where the fear comes from. My expectations aside, I try to be the best person I can be in a pretty despicable process. I don’t always succeed. And I know that is ok also. The way I see it, if I try to do this at the front of my mind I will be the best I can be coming out regardless of what is at the end of the road.	/r/Divorce_Men	01/05/21 09:25 PM
2	Men who have children and who are (getting) divorced, what would you need to see in a potential partner for her to be a more serious prospect to you? I understand your thought process and stress about the situation. I can also see why you are curious if your lack of experience is a negative. I do not think it is though. The only issue is that you may bump into some confusion about what the dads with kids (and divorce experience) are bumping into on their ends and not totally realizing it . Divorced dads who have fought for their kids to be in their lives comes with some baggage ourselves (I’m sure you’ve noticed that in life of from the comme…	/r/Divorce_Men	15/04/21 12:09 PM
1	Advice Any therapist you find right now will have zoom availability (and probably only that in most places ). Probably best to start a relationship that way. You should start looking now if there is a chance you will want it in the future. Most places have a decent wait list right now as the demand is far outstripping the supply of practitioners. We started our son and he has really taken to it.	/r/Divorce_Men	30/03/21 12:00 AM
3	Need psychological negotiating advice Good advice I got. Get a lawyer (you did) leave it in the hands of the professionals as much as you can (it sounds like you did) and most importantly find kindness and compassion because she will be hurting also. You can both look out for yourself and keep it kind (I struggle with this part because I am hurting as well while grieving a relationship ). Or as the advice was given to me “there are souls involved that you want to come out intact. The people are the most important part” Good luck kee…	/r/Divorce_Men	07/03/21 11:03 PM