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honumaluhia Archive

View 6 posts and 207 comments by honumaluhia on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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-1

You offered me critique with zero advice. Your original comment was unhelpful. You can be "real" and "blunt" with me 100% (especially since I know I messed up and I fully acknowledge that I should never have let my character lapse), but you should have at least some form of advice at the end. Just some advice for the future.
/r/askFDS16/10/21 03:43 AM
3

Thank you for your advice. Based on your advice and u/BabyGothQ, I think I will be reserved and distant from now on—but if he asks about the dramatic switch-up in my personality, I will clarify that I wan't cool with what happened and that I am not interested in doing it again. Again, thank you for your advice! I slipped up and regret my fall in character, but will continue to work towards being a HVW.
/r/askFDS16/10/21 03:26 AM
3

Thank you for your advice. I appreciate hearing your thoughts. You're right. "Closure" is a bullshit and I never believed in it. I guess I just wanted to confront him because I thought it would make it clear that what happened was a one-off thing and that going forward, he shouldn't approach me for these sorts of things. I wasn't coming at it from a "closure" perspective because I will have to see him for the next 4 years—it was more of a "clarification" perspective. I also understand the entice…
/r/askFDS16/10/21 03:20 AM
-5

Thank you for your advice, but I don't think it is the best idea to offer "S" tutoring help right now.
/r/askFDS16/10/21 03:12 AM
-1

I'm confused too. Is this not an advice sub? If so, what's your advice? I must have missed it.
/r/askFDS16/10/21 03:11 AM
-2

Thank you for your critique of my decisions. Maybe you didn't read the entire post, but I regret allowing myself to fall this low. I am human. I made mistakes. I'm here asking for advice because I want to get back up and be better. What I am asking for is advice on what to do next, not asking to be attacked for mistakes that I have stated (multiple times) that I regret.
/r/askFDS16/10/21 03:10 AM
3

I always thought hadiths were like a game of telephone! My cousin and I were comparing hadith to the game since we both don't believe in hadith. I can't believe a random stranger thought of the same exact analogy that we had!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/07/21 09:49 PM
3

Do you think it's possible with Islamic reformism? I know it's a fringe minority, but everything I've read about reformism is refreshingly NOT misogynistic (hijab is not a thing, women can be Imams and lead congregational prayers, women can marry Christian and Jewish men, etc).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/07/21 09:47 PM
3

This is what I aspire to do. I have no interest in cultivating an Islamic community for myself. My friends are not Muslim and I enjoy their non-toxicity and lack of religious brainwashing. I do not align with Orthodox Islam (mainstream Islam in the West) and, instead, lean heavily into Islamic Reformism. So it's not like normal mosques would even want me there since I don't believe in hijab or that only males can be Imams.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/07/21 09:41 PM
1

Age gap is the #1 concerning thing to me right off the bat. Would you say you and him are equals? Do you have the same financial, emotional, and social power? Have you invested equally in your career as he has in his (or has he had 4 years to develop and invest in his career and earning power, while you have not yet started your own)? Lastly, would you date someone with this same age gap when you are 27? When you are 27 in the future, would you date a 23 year old man. If no, why not? HVM do not …
/r/askFDS13/07/21 08:43 PM
1

100% when I saw that I was like HELLLL NOOO. He is a LVM trying to find out how "domesticated" she is so he can leech off of her labor (cooking, cleaning, laundry, organizing, scheduling). LVM actively look for women who are capable in the "traditional" sense. Which is why I always pretend I can't cook, I'm shit at cleaning and organizing, and that I'm horrible at all the other forms of chores and invisible labor.
/r/askFDS13/07/21 08:36 PM
35

This sounds interesting. Can you explain? How could we use this question to vet men (what are the red flags)?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/07/21 03:10 AM
39

Block and delete. The point isn't to make him change his standards temporarily. If he is incompatible do not try to change him or gently nudge him in the direction of your standards. Just move on.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/07/21 03:09 AM
176

Sooo.. what type of porn do you watch? *said with a light-hearted laugh and smile*
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/07/21 03:04 AM
6

You may not realize it, but the IMPACT of cooking for men is that they start viewing you as wifely and domesticated—as a woman to exploit for her labor. They start boxing you in as a traditional woman. You cook. Hmm.. You must also clean. And you probably do laundry as well. I know if I'm with her she will take care of me. This is what they are thinking. And if they do make you their girlfriend, they are eagerly looking forward to your labor as a benefit to their life. Please read "Why Men Love …
/r/askFDS05/07/21 02:57 AM
9

He is triangulating you against unattainable actresses. Be smart and block and delete. Stop letting your emotions gloss over the shit bucket of red flags.
/r/askFDS05/07/21 02:05 AM
5

LMAOOOO I AM DYING THAT SHE COOKS FOR HIM AND ALL THEIR FRIENDS. BuT I LOoOoOvE cOoKinG!! It'S mY HoBbY!! I love cooking, too. Shit, I make gourmet meals with fresh, organic ingredients from my own garden. I bake my own bread and have even cultivated my own yeast before. I can make every single French dessert you have ever heard of—but I will be DEAD before cooking for anyone with an appendage dangling between their legs.
/r/askFDS05/07/21 01:59 AM
3

Why are you cooking. Advertising how "wifely" you are is peak pick-me status. You need to read the handbook again. And read "Why Men Love Bitches" for good measure. You need it.
/r/askFDS05/07/21 01:58 AM
4

All women are welcome! Lesbians, ACE women, it doesn't matter. I live for the radfem takes here! And I never have to hear the excuses men make for other men! Maybe he was depressed. He probably didn't know. Well, how would he realize if you didn't explicitly state that you didn't like that? Maybe he was stressed because of work. Blah. Blah. Blah.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/21 10:23 PM
26

This will spiral into abuse. It's not a matter of if he will abuse you—it's when.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/21 06:26 PM
42

I lost all respect for her when I heard her defending her age gap relationship with her decrepit, wrinkly ball sack. It was extremely naive of her and I really thought she was smarter. She was 24 at the time— saying, "We're both adults" about her then 45-year old boyfriend. Gross.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/21 06:12 PM
13

I would out him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/21 06:02 PM
13

Ah, yes. The myth of the male bumbler rears its ugly head. He didn't kNoW wHaT hE wAs DoInG. How could he have possibly known? I mean, he walked in and she didn't greet him or speak at all. She didn't turn around. She didn't shake her head. She didn't make noise or even motion for him to quiet down with her hand. He didn't "forget". He didn't "not realize". He knew. He fucking knew.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/21 05:55 PM
13

Oh, he knew 100% what he was doing. I don't think it was subconscious at all.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/21 05:51 PM
17

The age gap. Yikes. Well, now we know why he went for someone 5 years younger.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/21 05:46 PM
21

I get so grossed out by them. She looks like his daughter! And she sounds so naive when she defends their relationship.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/21 05:34 PM
3

It may be different for you (because you are Scandi), but I think it is still the same effect even where you live especially because you mention how cooking is not "his kind of deal". This slowly spirals into you doing the bulk of the cooking and hating it because it's another chore to be done that takes away from your time. For women in America, unfortunately, we deal with men who actively seek and exploit women who are basic, functioning adults. They do this to ensure that they always have som…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/21 05:12 PM
11

I say I: - can't cook and will burn water (Lie. I am an amazing cook, I just hate it. My future husband can be pleasantly surprised 2 years into marriage). - only use a laundry service (Stretching the truth, only for special items). - never clean (stretching the truth, I have a service once a month). - don't remember birthdays or special events (Truth. I don't). - can't plan for my life (Truth. I only plan for myself. If it's outings with others, I never plan). This is how to PROTECT yourself fr…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/21 05:28 PM
13

Also, do NOT do household chores in front of him. No folding your laundry, cleaning, cooking, baking, sweeping in front of him. You may not realize it, but doing this is "auditioning" to be his wife. You are showing him how "domesticated" you are and the impact is devastating. They will box you in as a mommy mcbangmaid in their mind. You can never recover. And for the love of GOD—I don't care if you LoOoVe baking. Do not bake him cookies.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/21 05:17 PM
26

No need to reply. Block and delete. Don't waste your time and energy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/06/21 06:02 PM
56

Yeah she gave him waaay too many chances. Like take the hint the first time he reschedules and hold yourself to a higher standard. SHEEESH
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/06/21 04:44 AM
-10

She isn't replying to the age gap questions. lmao.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/06/21 04:25 AM
2

Why do you keep avoiding the age gap question? How old are you and how old is he?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/06/21 04:24 AM
2

This. I am FED UP with age gap relationships where men use younger women (often childless) for labor (emotional labor, parenting their child, doing the mental load). This man's wife divorced him for a reason (he probably did not do his fair share of mental load and domestic work) so he is looking for another bangmaid to replace his ex-wife. Younger women are a convenient target due to their naivety. I bet my fucking ass there is an age gap.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/06/21 04:22 AM
1

She has answered other questions, but not the question that like 15 people are out here asking and pointing out. I wonder why /s.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/06/21 04:19 AM
-2

She isn't answering this question. Multiple people have asked about the age gap/age difference and she refuses to reply. LMAOOOOO.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/06/21 04:18 AM
40

Yeah, I don't know why, but that "older men are so mature and sexy" thing was something I never fell for—even if he was one of the rare attractive older men. I was always creeped out by it and never understood other girls romanticising the idea. I don't even prefer men 1 year older than me. It was always boys my age or 1-2 years younger (I am in my 20s).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/21 04:18 AM
5

Never date older men, date your same age or younger THIS. HOLY HELL. THIS.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/21 03:54 AM
5

HVW energy right here!
/r/askFDS12/06/21 07:18 PM
4

Keep an eye out for the background to look at his place. Is it too nicely decorated with a woman's touch? Are there throw pillows? He could be married or living with a girlfriend. Block. Does he have trash laying around or rotting fruit on a shelf? Block. Is he multi-tasking while talking to you? This means he is comfortable giving you half his attention for a first meeting. Block.
/r/askFDS12/06/21 07:15 PM
1

Also, after the pre-date interview, the date he arranges should be near you (no more than 10-15 minutes maximum)—not near him and not in the middle between both of you. It should be at your convenience. Near your home. Arranged and organized by him. Look for signs such as him making an arrangement to somewhere that you stated you dislike, choosing food you are allergic to, chain restaurants, asking to split the bill, negs you, sexist or racist jokes, homophobic remarks, turns the conversation se…
/r/askFDS12/06/21 07:11 PM
14

He sounds deranged and like he was planning on murdering you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/06/21 08:16 PM
25

Dr. Ramani next! I really need to catch up on these podcasts. I'm lagging.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/06/21 08:15 PM
2

Do not donate your organ to this man. His actions have illustrated how much he cares for you (zilch) and how much he genuinely loves you (zero). I think it's time to take the next step and cut contact. You do not owe him shit—not even kindness.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/06/21 08:13 PM
29

Unfortunately, I see this all the time. And it disgusts me every single time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/06/21 08:11 PM
5

Stop dating such old ass men. Go for younger men (28-36). They probably "match" your looks since men age... horribly.
/r/askFDS09/06/21 02:58 AM
66

Uhh can you drop the specific name of the edible. Asking for a friend.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/06/21 02:47 AM
1

23 and same!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/21 04:57 PM
1

What's the podcast name?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/21 04:53 PM
41

A study by Emory University studied the chances of divorce as related to age gaps. They concluded that same-age couples have the LOWEST chance of divorce. Couples with a 1 year age-gap had a 3% more chance of divorce compared to same-age couples. Couples with a 5 year age-gap had a 18% more chance of divorce compared to same-age couples.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/06/21 08:33 PM
57

There's a stark difference between men (privileged) dating younger women versus women (not privileged) dating younger men. Society has made it so that normal men view women their own age as lesser. Women who are younger? Pfft. Prime bait. The most egalitarian relationships are when a man is a few years younger than the woman. Socialization evens out and confidence and economic levels are about the same.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/06/21 02:25 AM
12

Then it's just an ego thing. To see if he can still get you to interact with him. Just block and delete.
/r/askFDS30/05/21 02:22 AM
25

To see if he can still hit.
/r/askFDS29/05/21 10:05 PM
7

Hell no. To the no no no. Hell to the no.
/r/askFDS21/05/21 08:29 PM
3

Agreed. I don't care for what is "normal". Coffee and walk dates are... offensive.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/05/21 08:23 PM
3

I have noticed this! They seem to let go of 50/50 mentality when dating non-Nordic women. Perhaps they know that these women have a wildly different set of standards—and they rise to the occasion because they genuinely want to pursue these women and know that these women are used to "better treatment".
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/05/21 08:18 PM
3

Couldn't have said it better myself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/05/21 08:15 PM
3

Yeah, trash men seem to be a global phenomenon. But America has a puritanical, yet hyper-sexualized culture. It leads to normal biological behaviors (breastfeeding in public) being ostracized, nudity being solely linked to sex, hyper-focus on grade school girls clothing (where many of them are dress coded for ridiculous reasons). It's very strange how women's bodies, in any way, shape, or form, are sexual. For ffs, toddler must wear bikini tops to cover... what? These aren't issues for Nordic co…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/05/21 08:14 PM
6

Can you please link it? I would love to read more perspectives! And it will help other Nordic women.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/05/21 08:06 PM
4

Ugh. I disapprove of the idea of SAHM and part-time work so much. Women of the generations before us fought for our right to our own economic prosperity for a reason. I hate going on "the sub that shall not be named" and seeing countless mothers wanting to leave their abusive or POS husbands, but being unable to because they forwent their right to establishing and investing in a career.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/05/21 08:05 PM
1

It wasn't clear to me. But thank you for your clarification.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/05/21 07:05 AM
29

But didn't you know? Wearing makeup is empowering! It's powerful to look like the male fantasy! I wear makeup and shave for special occasions, but social pressures and socialization have heavily affected my decision making. I can't wait until I reach the point that I don't give a fuck. It's a slow process, but I am trying. There was another post similar to it a while back and it got the same vitriolic commentary. I can't find it, but the the message almost exactly the same.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/05/21 06:57 AM
26

Exactly! The irony was staggering. "It's a choice!" Yeah, so is BDSM and prostitution. I am not bothered by women conforming—we are penalized for not conforming to hyper-femininity in the workforce, with family, or even in plain old public. And I conform to some standards, too. It's hard to break away from it completely. It takes mental de-socialization. And for some women, it's easier to conform. I don't blame women who wear makeup, or get plastic surgery, or shave just like I don't blame women…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/05/21 06:47 AM
32

Yes, we can still make the choice to wear makeup, shave, or get various beauty treatments (I am currently getting laser hair removal). But it's critical that we understand why. I guarantee if we lived in a separatist colony growing our own food, we wouldn't care to adhere to majority of these beauty standards. I would not give two shits about the hair growing on my legs. But I do. Because I don't want to be ostracized or shamed. It hurts. As a woman of color, I am already perceived as "less femi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/05/21 06:38 AM
31

Thanks for the compliment. I might flesh it out a bit more and make a post since you expressed interest. Of course, I am not vilifying women who wear makeup or shave—or even women working in the sex industry! I understand that we may be penalized for not wearing makeup and shaving in professional spheres—it's even worse for women of color who do not have the luxury of not conforming to hyper-femininity. I just want other women to realize that we are a product of our culture and our culture is ba…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/05/21 06:18 AM
14

Yeah, from what I've experienced, Nordic men seem to be... better... at doing their fair share in the home. I feel very bad for anyone who has to date American men. Are there any other differences you've noticed in American men vs Nordic men?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/05/21 06:12 AM
17

Yes, part-time work is very popular for women here—more than the amount of part-time working women in the US according to statistics I have seen. Maybe because we have a great social safety net?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/05/21 06:08 AM
210

Liberal feminism has even infiltrated FDS as seen by the many comments that didn't get the point of this post. No one said don't wear makeup. No one said women are a bad feminists for wearing makeup (hell, I wear makeup and have a drawer full of products). But we do need to think critically about why we feel "empowered" or "confident" or "beautiful" with makeup more than our bare faces. Women are allowed to make choices. Women are even allowed to make choices that are bad for them or their class…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/05/21 03:35 AM
7

My kind of thinking! Aiming for equity, but if men—as a class—won't make room for us at the table, separatism it is.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/05/21 03:10 AM
0

To clarify, it's 55% of white women who voted—not 55% of all white women.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/05/21 03:08 AM
8

Just like women can do both (be a mother and a CEO)! What a wonderful dallop of liberal feminism.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/05/21 02:32 AM
5

You are delving into choice feminism there... Feminism is not about choice.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/05/21 02:31 AM
4

Nah, it's definitely FDS women who are still libfems. This post isn't attacking women who wear makeup. It's alerting us to the fact that we don't live in a vacuum so the choices we make are affected by patriarchy. There is a reason we feel "confident" or "pretty" with makeup and men don't. OP is simply trying to get others to think critically, but a whole lotta women are getting reaaal defensive in the comments.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/05/21 02:29 AM
11

My buzzcut has grown out now, but agreed! What's crazy is how many people in my life were angry at my decision to alter my body.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/05/21 09:34 PM
16

You don't need to pay a subscription. Just email the company (you'll have to do each one separately. There are MANY websites with your data). Keep in mind that you have to keep checking every couple of months. They sometimes put your information back up. Hello, My name is X. I do not give permission for my name, information, address, age, or any of my data to be used or sold by your company, kept in your database, or displayed on your websites. I would like to opt-out. The link to the website wi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/05/21 04:38 AM
7

I wanted to add: I went through your post history and you sound like a freaking badass!! A whole ass chemical engineer?!?!? You got a promotion and a 15k raise!!! If your partner isn't excited for you and making you feel wonderful and amazing at your accomplishments, he is not the one. There should be no "moods". You should not be feeling confused about what his feelings are. You should feel over the moon!! And if you can't feel him being over the moon for you, then something is deeply wrong. An…
/r/askFDS19/05/21 02:15 AM
6

Please share—I am now intrigued. It must have been an absolute clusterfuck if they actually acquiesced in returning your payment...
/r/askFDS19/05/21 12:21 AM
10

There is nothing wrong with making more than your male partner. But your male partner should (1) have a stable income and career of their own (2) be supportive of your career and endeavors. Right now, he is not being supportive or celebrating your achievements the way you would do so if the roles were reversed. He is showing you who he is. Believe him. He is unable to reconcile the idea that you are smarter or more capable than he is. He is fine with you being smart and capable—but not more than…
/r/askFDS19/05/21 12:13 AM
21

This is just an aside, but putting "man" in front of slut makes it as if all sluts are women. It's implies only one gender to the word slut. Other examples: "male" gold digger, "man" whore, etc. Slut, gold digger, and whore are not intrinsic to womanhood.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/05/21 11:49 PM
20

Even 5 years is a huge difference. According to a study by Emory University, couples with a 5 year age-gap have an 18% higher chance of divorce compared to same-age couples. While couples with a 1 year age gap have a 3% higher chance of divorce compared to same-age couples. That is a phenomenal difference.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/05/21 11:02 PM
28

I get so tired of women after 30 dating their age or older men. Like men age so badly. I fee like after 35, women should only date men a few years younger.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/05/21 10:27 PM
29

As you should! I never understand women in their 30s and 40s who date men older than them or even the same age as them. Women in their 30s and 40s look waaaaay younger than men the same age as them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/05/21 10:24 PM
35

Matthew Perry looks double his age and I quickly close the browser when I see his sagging jowls and double chin because I get scared. ALL of his co-stars from Friends aged much better than he did.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/05/21 10:23 PM
21

I'm 23. I don't even accept dates from men who are 25 because I think there is an unequal power dynamic. I can assure you that I don't even glance at men who are 45. I feel disgusted when men in their late 20s hit on me or my friends (and we laugh behind their backs at how desperate they are)!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/05/21 10:19 PM
2

That's disgusting. How dare they try to pair some old, wrinkly man with a young college-aged woman. I don't even think college-aged women should even be in relationships—but enjoy their life with friends and go on various adventures.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/05/21 11:56 PM
16

Excuse me while I puke. WTFFFF.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/05/21 08:15 PM
3

Thanks for explaining. I didn't realize I had a typo. Just corrected it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/05/21 04:20 AM
47

HVW. We are women, not females. Interesting that you can refer to men and as people, but not us. Edit: fixed typo
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/05/21 09:18 PM
5

Just the fact that he says the word p*ssy and then ARGUES about you being offended is mindblowing. Block and delete this man. No good will come out of any type of relationship with him—friendship included. If you have to argue with someone just so that you feel respected as a human being, that person is a degenerate. He is not your friend. He does not sound like a good person.
/r/askFDS13/05/21 05:22 AM
2

You need to block and delete. He is not your "friend". He is simply waiting for you to lower your guard so that he can manipulate you into a relationship again or sex. If you have kids, you need to cut your friendship off and only have contact about the kids. Move on. Because it doesn't seem like you have.
/r/askFDS13/05/21 05:03 AM
37

Didn't even have to read past the age gap.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/05/21 04:18 AM
17

It does in cases where either partner was in their 20s at the start of the relationship. I agree that when meeting after 30, it's less of an issue. You may want to take a look at divorce statistics for different age gaps. There is clear evidence to guide us in choosing partners our exact age—rather than older partners. Compared to same age couples: A couple with a 1 year age gap has a 3% more chance of divorce, 5 year gap has an 18% more chance of divorce, 10 year gap has a 39% more chance of di…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/05/21 05:07 AM
12

Until you are 30, don't date men who are older than you. Even one year older. Stick to your age—it's safer and there will be no unequal power dynamic.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/05/21 01:57 AM
16

That's so sad. That means 1/3 of women are in relationships with an unequal power dynamic with an older, more "mature" partner.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/05/21 01:56 AM
7

I found my people! I'm in my 20s and I literally don't date men older than me—even if a man is only 1 or 2 years older than me. Nope. There's a social and power imbalance.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/05/21 01:51 AM
1

But the problem we're having is that people don't even realize he is abusive. Audiences have accepted the normalization of the Darking's abusive behaviors as "goals".
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/05/21 06:13 PM
10

My only problem is the fandom romanticizing the Darklina ship. Like the Darkling literally sold 11 year old Genya to the royal family who was continuously raped by the King growing up—but his character is still "sexy" and "goals" to the fandom who thirsts after him. They need therapy. The show is much better than the book series and I think it's great for all ages/genders (my 12 year old brother loved it and I'm 23 and liked it, as well). In the show, Mal is actually a great supportive friend wh…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/04/21 04:57 AM
9

Oh. Now that you explained it like that it makes sense. Yeah, the audience missed the whole "age-gap is gross and creates an unequal power dynamic" and went straight for the whole "daddy issues and being with an older man is so amazing". Ugh. And, yes, you were absolutely right when you pointed out that the fandom HATES Mal. I think it's because Mal is a threat to the Darklina ship so they want to discount Mal with bullshit reasons.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/04/21 01:49 AM
25

This is why I was glad the show made Alina's "collar" grotesque. It symbolized how invasive and abusive it was for the Darkling to have "claimed" Alina and her powers non-consensually. His bonding to her was a violation—rape—of her bodily autonomy and I was very smug that they didn't slap a tReNdY choker necklace on her. Oh, yeah, the age gap between Ben Barnes and Jessie Mei Lee creeped me tf out, too. He's a great actor, but I wish they chose someone age-appropriate. It's so cringe and uncomfo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/04/21 01:00 AM
14

In the books, both Mal and the Darkling are toxic and exhibit (different) abusive behaviors. However, in the show, Mal was recreated as a self-assured character who actually cared about Alina—running after her with an injured, limp leg when she was taken to the Little Palace, assuring her that she owed him no explanations for what she may have done with the Darkling when she tried to explain her past mistakes, continuously writing letters to her at the Little Palace even though none of her lette…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/04/21 12:53 AM
16

PLEEEEAASE. I was thinking this all day and it bothered me so much. The Darkling: is hundreds of years old, manipulates and gaslights Alina, uses Alina for her powers for his political gain, is a freaking narcissist, and is literally an evil villain who murdered thousands of innocents—but apparently it's HOT and SEGGSY? They make attractive actors play abusive men to make it seem normal and audiences accept and overlook it because these men are good-looking. This phenomena is societal gas-lighti…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/04/21 12:41 AM
105

Equal representation in government offices! We make up more than half the nation's population, but are only 26.5% of Congress in 2021?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/04/21 01:46 AM
1

Everything I said still stands. You lack emotional maturity and stability. There are so many problems here that I don't even know where to start. Therapy is one solution. Age and experience is another, but I wouldn't wait that long.
/r/askFDS28/04/21 09:44 PM
-1

I hate these dumb ass girls like you who date way older men, have a bunch of red flags and problems, and then wonder what went wrong. Are you that fucking stupid. I know it's not your age because I am 23 too. Get some therapy and stop dating. Women like you are why 30 something crusty musty men think they have a chance with me and my college-aged friends. If you have daddy issues, get therapy. Not a replacement daddy who gives you attention and validation that you have sex with.
/r/askFDS28/04/21 07:30 PM
21

This. I think OP came off to her friend in a "MAN IS THE PROVIDER AND SHOULD ALWAYS PAY" mindset. It comes across very "golddigger" (especially that comment about women spending more on hair and makeup. Plenty of women here at FDS do not wear makeup, shave, or look like the male gaze fantasy) and I would side eye OP as well. This is not the actual reason we at FDS decline 50/50. It's because most men do not date for marriage or a relationship—they "date" for access to women's resources (sex, emo…
/r/askFDS28/04/21 07:15 PM
0

I did not tell you to stop your hobby. Bake for yourself. Bake for your friends. Bake for your family. What I said was to stop showcasing this "wifely" hobby in front of male partners.
/r/askFDS13/04/21 09:24 PM
1

It doesn't matter. Your intent does not matter—it's the impact. And the impact here is that these "nurturing" and "mothering" qualities should be hidden or lowkey before marriage. There are men who actively search for women who can cook, bake, clean, launder, and manage a household so that they can use exploit those qualities.
/r/askFDS13/04/21 09:03 PM
2

Why are you dating so old? There are men your age and even 3-4 years younger that are much better than this man. Don't be shy to date younger. You need to look at age gap divorce rate statistics. It's by Emory University. Seriously, look them up and then tape it to your fridge so you don't forget.
/r/askFDS12/04/21 04:58 PM
1

Good so far. But stop baking for him. You sound like you are auditioning to be his wife.
/r/askFDS12/04/21 04:55 PM
7

She needs to read more comments and ask questions from other members to learn more. This "list" of hers is not it. It sounds like my worst nightmare.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/21 08:54 PM
5

I was shaking my head at this entire "list"...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/21 08:53 PM
5

I was laughing at that part! That is not HVW behavior. To cook and clean for your husband? Uh, no.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/21 08:52 PM
105

Agree with everything above! I would also add this: Waiting 3 months to be intimate is the bare minimum. If you can wait longer, do it. I've seen many women here on FDS state their time limit of 6 months, 1 year, 2 years before becoming intimate. Other women are more vague and have chosen to only be intimate when they are comfortable trusting their partner. Be firm about lengthening the timeline for intimacy if possible for your situation.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/03/21 02:06 AM
3

Woah, that was my post. Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/03/21 09:57 PM
2

An incel posing as an FDS user? lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/03/21 10:19 PM
3

I'm glad it is an option you like. This is my personal plan for the future: My partner does his "turn" first and I will do mine after—with my padded fuck off fund. Their reaction to this is also very telling. If they are reluctant or try to make your "turn" first then they probably view stay-at-home-mothers below them (working men) and don't value women's unpaid labor. It's a testament to their patriarchal ideals and you can bet they have other forms of toxic masculinity that have not been unear…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/03/21 02:29 PM
7

That was my post and my intention was never to disparage SAHMs (my own mother is one and I am the first to argue that just because her labour is not paid, it does not mean it isn't important or valuable). I simply wanted to analyze how statistics continuously prove the myriad ways that SAHMotherhood fucks women up. They are less happier than single and childfree women, they are susceptible to abuse, they are unemployable after divorce, divorced women's livelihood decreases after divorce while di…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/03/21 02:02 AM
8

You're welcome. I am not here for memes, platitudes, or to ridicule LVM. I am here to strategize, desocialise myself from liberal feminism, and learn how to maximize my benefit as a woman living in a patriarchal society—even when such learning makes me uncomfortable.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/03/21 12:18 AM
6

One option would be to split the stay-at-home time equally. But be aware that many women have made these "deals" with their husbands and have taken their "turn" first by staying home during the first 2 years of their child's life. By the time their husband's "turn" came around, there was always some excuse: the child is used to the mother, the dad is not adept at childcare, the mother's first potential job getting back into the workforce doesn't support the family, etc. So if this is an option f…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/03/21 12:11 AM
2

You'll see from my other comments that I was raised by a SAHM. She is most definitely not stupid. I'll admit that some SAHMs have it good. They have husbands who value their domestic labor, give them free reign of finances, buy them designer items to illustrate their appreciation, urge them to hire cooks and cleaners. But for every one happy SAHM, there are a thousand who are unappreciated, financially abused, cleaning their neighbors' homes in secret to earn money, not allowed to purchase new c…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/03/21 12:02 AM
7

Here is a calculator designed to do just that by the Center For American Progress: https://interactives.americanprogress.org/childcarecosts/ I suggest everyone play around with it and see how much you would potentially lose economically. "For example, a 26-year-old mom making $44,148 (the median pay in the U.S.), will lose her salary in wages for taking a year off. But she will also lose $64,393 in wage growth (the cumulative effect of time off on future earnings), as well as $52,945 in retireme…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/03/21 03:03 AM
16

My intention was to actualize the risks associated with being a SAHM. Society has glamorized SAHM when in actuality they are given virtually zero support from their husbands, the government, and society. The pandemic has highlighted how our economy's backbone relies on the unpaid labor of women. It also illustrated just how much SAHM are valued— surprise: they aren't. They should be. But they aren't. The pandemic isn't forcing mothers out of the workforce, fathers are. Because these fathers are …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/03/21 01:59 AM
27

I deleted and reposted within 20 minutes because I realized the post only uploaded the image and not my text— I even wrote a footnote stating this at the bottom of the post. Additionally, in the end of my post, I stated a few ways being a SAHM is possible.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/03/21 10:07 PM
4

The key is to move on and stop thinking about him. Stop allowing him into your life though your emotions, thoughts, or regrets. Focus on you. Have you graduated yet? If not, perform well in your classes. Strive for a 4.0 this semester. Look for internships relating to your future field. Make a LinkedIn account, find professionals across the country and send them a quick message introducing yourself and stating your interest in the field. Ask them if they are willing to answer a few questions. Ne…
/r/askFDS23/02/21 07:26 AM
9

Block and delete. He is taking up your mental headspace and draining your emotions. Going cold-turkey is the only way you will be able to move on.
/r/askFDS23/02/21 06:48 AM
18

Ignore him and don't feel guilty about acting "rude". He is rude by being a predatory creep—you are simply protecting yourself. The next time he sees you and attempts a conversation, keep walking at your normal pace and pretend you do not hear or see him. Even if he gets in your face, pretend he's invisible. If you are feeling brave: cross your eyes, slacken your jaws, make grunting sounds, contort your shoulders and legs, and pretend to be seize as if you are mentally unstable when he approache…
/r/askFDS23/02/21 06:44 AM
3

Using "Incognito Mode" only erases your history on your phone or laptop. You can still see the websites searched on "Incognito Mode" via your router or ISP (internet service provider). If you don't know the login information (admin and password) of the router, you cannot check the history.
/r/askFDS22/02/21 08:18 PM
2

Technically, you can check your wireless wifi router for its history. If he is using certain popular websites, it would be easy to confirm. If he is using movies and TV shows with sex scenes on Netflix to get his fix, it will be more difficult to ascertain.
/r/askFDS22/02/21 07:32 PM
2

You can check the history of your wifi router to double check if he is keeping this promise. The router will show you all websites visited... Make sure you confirm this—it is a form of protection for you.
/r/askFDS22/02/21 07:30 PM
2

Do you really need to ask? You feel so unsure that you actually needed to ask others if a man who wants other women sexually, while he is in a relationship with you, is a LVM? You need to work on yourself. Work on valuing yourself. Work on treating yourself in the best manner possible. Work on needing no man to sustain you. Work on sustaining yourself. Work on becoming so fulfilled and brimming with joy in your life that you don't even glance at LVM.
/r/askFDS22/02/21 07:06 PM
1

Ok incel
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/21 07:15 PM
5

MRAs are seeping everywhere, huh? You have nothing better to do than create make-believe fairytales as fake as Louis Vuitton purses on AliExpress?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/21 08:07 AM
1

This is just a small correction. But we don't refer to women as females. So in terms of acronyms, we refer to high value women as HVW—not high value "females". The rest of your statements are on-point!
/r/askFDS19/02/21 11:11 PM
5

It seems that you both have different views on what marriage and partnership entails. She is spending her time, energy, and resources into becoming a housewife—rather than pursuing her own goals with vigorous energy. And you would like to see her pursue her own educational and career goals, but she is more concerned with living her life pleasing and taking care of others—with zero concern for her own future security. Taking 1-2 classes per semester and not staying at a job for more than a month …
/r/askFDS19/02/21 10:12 PM
3

I can't see anything past this age gap. You are being groomed at best, and preyed on to be abused at worst. No 27-year-old man who dates a literal teenager is normal. Please get therapy to see why you think this age gap is normal. And until then, stop dating men older than you. Yes, even that cute guy at your work who is 2 years older because it does not seem like you are self-sufficient enough to leave when you see a red flag. Just stop.
/r/askFDS19/02/21 09:55 PM
2

I was searching for this comment. Based.
/r/askFDS19/02/21 12:40 AM
22

First of all, he is not a HVM or even a seemingly HVM—he is simply a man with no red or yellow flags yet. So stop tossing that label around all willy nilly like that. And remember that vetting is a lifelong process. Lastly, let him text you first. Why are you so desperate to make a connection with him? You need to be calm and collected while vetting—not emotionally heightened or in the throes of a crush. If he is interested, he will text you. You don't want to be the one to pursue him. Many men …
/r/askFDS19/02/21 12:16 AM
43

For real. She can definitely date 28 or 27 year old men at her age. Why is she going for middle-aged men in the crux of their mid-life crisis? I am so befuddled.
/r/askFDS13/02/21 11:50 PM
4

Block and delete. He's not interested and it is beneath your dignity to continue any type of relationship with him.
/r/askFDS13/02/21 10:57 PM
32

I didn't have to read the entire thing. The age gap told me all I needed to know. Drop him and date men your own age or 2-3 years younger.
/r/askFDS13/02/21 10:56 PM
2

The order to follow is: hospital (if needed), lawyer, police. For example, in cases of sexual assault or domestic violence, first go to the hospital. Nurses will perform medical, forensic exams to preserve evidence while also treating you. Next call your lawyer from your hospital. Your lawyer will take your statement and then get in touch with the proper authorities to file a complaint. They will also stay in contact with the hospital staff to make sure evidence is sent to the crime lab. Then, l…
/r/askFDS04/02/21 05:06 PM
26

You need to delete your nude photos off of his phone. Then check his laptop and Google Drive for backups. Until then, I have no advice for you.
/r/askFDS04/02/21 02:16 AM
21

According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, the average emergency fund is $28,656. Ideally, you should try to match this amount in a secret Fuck Off Fund. You sound naive, in terms of financial literacy, and that will be a liability for you when the time comes for you to protect yourself. You need financial security before even thinking about marriage.
/r/askFDS04/02/21 02:12 AM
28

Cops are not legally obligated to protect you. Fuck them. Always go through a lawyer. A lawyer can even accompany her to the police station to protect her rights. Find a female lawyer. She will be able to send this man a legal letter for him to cease his criminal extortion and threats. After your friend hires a lawyer, she should not contact him at all. Let all communications go through the lawyer.
/r/askFDS04/02/21 01:41 AM
24

Do you have a degree, lucrative skill, or a trade certification? Are you financially and mentally stable? Do you have a stable stream of income and able to support yourself alone? Do you have a supportive network of friends and family to help you in case of trouble? Do you have your own investments, emergency fund, and fuck off fund? No? Then you are not ready to get married.
/r/askFDS04/02/21 01:32 AM
22

She needs to contact a lawyer—not FDS.
/r/askFDS04/02/21 01:28 AM
8

Exactly! They think women were magically born with support systems. Creating a support system takes time, emotional labor, and hard work! Women who have support systems in times of hardship were there for their friends and family during their times of hardship or need. And they invest in such relationships. Planning movie nights at a friend's house after her break-up so she isn't alone, spending time with grandparents, taking time out to call Aunt Beatrice twice a month, keeping up with out-of-s…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/02/21 08:37 PM
58

There's a reason they always want to do drinks. What better way to lower your inhibitions?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/02/21 08:07 PM
5

I didn't mean to come off harshly. I'll elaborate. (1) In age-gap relationships, the bulk of issues stem from the age gap. The larger the age gap means the more time an older partner has to hone his skills of manipulation, abuse (financial, emotional, physical), control, gas-lighting, coercion. Because his younger partner has not yet had the same life experiences as him and has not had the time to build their boundaries, they are more likely to be pushed around and controlled. Abusers and predat…
/r/askFDS02/02/21 05:39 PM
3

If there is money to spare, why not? But everyone has their own financial lifestyle and desires. And if one resource is more important to you than another, you found your fine balance! But again, all resources should be present!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/02/21 04:07 PM
9

Of course. My intention was not to say that financial investment is not critical—it most definitely is. It is alarming and a red flag if a man never desires to spend monetarily on his partner. But investment—as a whole— is about a myriad of resources: Time management and planning, emotional labor, time, attention, and financial effort should all be present in a man's investment.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/02/21 03:44 PM
10

Yes, it's a fine balance of all resources of investment we are looking for—not an overabundance of simply one resource. And while that balance is different for each of us— as we are not a monolith—all resources should be actively present in the relationship.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/02/21 03:37 PM
11

Those are perfect examples of what I was detailing about investment. I can't even wrap my head around why he thought it was a great idea to take you on a date for an activity you told him you disliked. And the second anecdote is exactly what I was pinpointing. He searched for a rare cuisine of your home country because he knew it would bring you joy. Emotional labor, planning, and financial effort were all present.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/02/21 03:30 PM
9

I wholeheartedly agree. Once you have your own financial stability and lucrative career, you are not easily impressed by low-hanging fruit and can even leave at the first sign of a red flag. It's embarrassing watching women puffing feathers at a husband's accomplishment because they have none of their own. Even though I know many women supported men on their career journeys, that was effort they could have been using for their own growth—their own careers, higher education, professional accompli…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/02/21 03:23 PM
7

To echo another commenter: it is not about "getting" a man to spend on a woman by any means (coy behavior, manipulation, demands, or even firmly stating your standards). If a man does not spend on a woman financially though his own free will, it is best for her to move on. Additionally, yes, men should spend financially to invest in a relationship with a woman, but that is only one resource to examine. Emotional labor, time, attention, time management and planning, and respect are also resources…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/02/21 07:39 AM
21

If they want your social media to see if you are "real," counter with proposing a 15-20 minute Zoom or Facetime session. The handbook urges members to vet over a video call before going on an actual date. It is called a Pre-Interview. It details red flags to look out for: dirtiness or hoarding of his home, negging, turning conversations sexual, dark humor, evasiveness when answering basic questions, signs that another woman is living there. Also, pay attention to whether he is home or not. Some …
/r/askFDS02/02/21 12:23 AM
4

You stated it in such a succinct way: Society has socialised us to believe marriage and children are the end goal for women. Which is why so many women end up being confused when they don't feel fulfilled after marriage. Fulfillment is different for all of us. And it's up to us to find it.
/r/askFDS01/02/21 10:14 PM
8

Even if it's not the "condescending behavior," it's the fact that they are likely attracted to how unequal the power dynamic is between younger women and older men. It makes me think that they are either abusers, want to be in "control" of the relationship, or superficial in that they only value women for their looks—rather than their intelligence. Statistics do not lie. Additionally, the older a partner is, the more years they have had to hone their skills of manipulation, gas-lighting, control…
/r/askFDS01/02/21 09:59 PM
29

Stop dating older men. No, they are not more mature. There's a reason they are pursuing women in their early 20s and a reason women their own age won't date them. Date your own age. You will be less susceptible to abuse (financial, emotional, physical), coercion, manipulation, and gas-lighting. A study by professors at Emory University found a 5-year age gap resulted in an 18 percent higher chance of divorce, compared to a 3 percent chance with a 1-year age difference. Those with a 10-year gap w…
/r/askFDS01/02/21 09:28 PM
18

Firstly, you are doing really well by questioning his words and waiting for actions. If you ask questions, he can future-fake or lie. So I would suggest further examining if his actions reflect his words and your standards for a relationship. Secondly, FDS does not support being solely financially supported by a man. You should always strive for higher education and a lucrative career. A man can have a provider mindset while married to an educated, working woman. You should always have your own …
/r/askFDS01/02/21 09:24 PM
9

Of course, you aren't equal partners. Some 28-year-man is not marrying a 23-year-old woman because he wants to be equal partners. I hate when young women play their own damn selves with age gap relationships. Then they are surprised *cue pikachu face* when they don't have equal footing to their older, male partners.
/r/askFDS01/02/21 09:15 PM
77

If prostitution is “sex work”, then by its own logic, rape is merely theft. The inside of a woman’s body should never be viewed as a workplace. Julie Bindel
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/01/21 05:22 PM
12

Hell no. To the no no no. Hell to the no. Hell to the nooo. To the no no no.
/r/askFDS29/01/21 09:23 PM
7

I just want to say I'm proud of you. You kept strong and blocked him the second he came crawling back—as LVM always do. You got this. We're here with you.
/r/askFDS29/01/21 09:22 PM
13

I support you in not handing out your social media accounts, but you should definitely try to find out their handles so you can vet them online. Are they following Instagram bikini models? Are the vast majority of the people they follow women? Does he post pictures with drugs in the background? Does he have racist or sexist tweets even from 4 years ago? Social media is yet another way to eliminate men from your dating pool. It's another layer of protection— to protect you— so make sure you use i…
/r/askFDS27/01/21 07:26 PM
22

I read the first sentence and I already saw a flashing red-flag. Stop dating older men. You are playing your own damn self. You are looking through trash and then surprised that the piece of trash you picked is acting like trash. Now you are acting shocked. Cue your surprised *pikachu face*. Date your own age. If you are absolutely desperate to date an "older man," only date 1-2 years older than you. A study by professors at Emory University found a 5-year age gap resulted in an 18 percent highe…
/r/askFDS26/01/21 05:08 PM
6

Thank you for adding this! Yes, LVM exploit weakness in women. For much younger women, it is their age and naivety. For low-income women, it is their lack of financial security. For single mothers, it could be their female children that they wish to target and prey upon. And so on and so forth.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/01/21 09:20 PM
58

Men who target younger women are always LVM. Unfortunately, some younger women think older men are "so mature," when it couldn't be further from the truth. There's a reason women his own age are not dating him. And there's a reason marriages with an age-gap of 5 years increases risk of divorce by 18%, while an age-gap of 1 year is only 3%.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/01/21 07:40 AM
2

You said it yourself: Leaving was the best thing to do. Leave him in the past. You do not owe this man anything anymore. He is no longer your boyfriend. Block and delete him from all social media. Block and delete his number and email. He is guilt-tripping you on purpose. It is a form of manipulation. Move on from this chapter of your life. Do you have hobbies? Spend more time doing them. Talk to your female friends. Perhaps set up a Zoom dinner with them and chat. Work on your goals. Whether it…
/r/askFDS25/01/21 02:10 AM
4

3 months and she already has multiple things left at his place?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/21 10:22 PM
14

Also an Emory University study found a 5-year age gap resulted in an 18 percent higher chance of divorce, compared to a 3 percent chance with a 1-year age difference. Age gaps are dangerous.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/21 09:41 PM
1

Your literary allusion of Single Mom Sword of Damocles is very fitting. It's unfortunate, but true. I sometimes wonder if taking turns being stay at home parents would lessen the precarious nature of financial vulnerability. 2 years of the father taking off of work, followed by 2 years of the mother. I've not seen it in practice so I remain curious.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/21 09:28 PM
88

Liberal feminism in a nutshell is about women taking on traditionally masculine roles in addition to their traditionally feminine roles. While men... do not take on any traditionally feminine role and their traditionally masculine role is being halved due to women sharing the load.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/21 09:06 PM
16

I'm shocked that you still wanted to talk after you saw him on a date with another woman. FDS strategy would be to block and delete immediately. To not give him any explanation for erasing him from your life. To never speak to him again. To never even see him again. You gave him another chance to disrespect you and he did just that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/21 08:51 PM
3

Just keep in mind that your CV should not be empty and you should never be solely dependent on a man financially. Part of being a HVW is being sufficient. FDS does not support being a stay at home parent with no income because not working is dangerous for women. It opens you up to a myriad of abuse. A HVM can turn low value at any time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/21 08:47 PM
5

Stop trying to date much older men. There is a reason he is chasing women more than a decade younger. You're dating trash and then acting shocked that he is acting like trash. Age-gaps are a dumpster truck on fire. I know young women have been socialized to think "older men" are more mature. They are not. There's a reason women his own age aren't dating him. More critically, there is a drastic imbalance of power. Date your own age. If you are desperate for an "older man," date only 1-2 years old…
/r/askFDS24/01/21 07:53 PM
1

Firstly, we are women, not females. To be a woman means to be human and to encompass all the humane attributes that come along with being a person. A female is an adjective that men have turned into a noun for us. That "female" over there. It's a more acceptable word for "bitch," "hoe," "slut". We are none of those things. Secondly, stop believing the words of men. They say many things. Start believing actions. You never know if a man is high value 3 months in, a year in, or even 15 years in. It…
/r/askFDS24/01/21 07:45 PM
1

Where in the "overall argument" was it mentioned that women who partake in different parts of the beauty industry are "less feminist"? So because I wear makeup, have had laser hair removal, and tweeze my eyebrows, I am "less feminist"? That's a bit narrow-minded.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/21 05:56 AM
2

There is a difference between being a feminist and performing a feminist action. The two are not interchangeable. No one brought up being a "bad feminist," but you. Tone policing is against FDS rules. We don't argue and get offended because of "tone". If you want to do that, this is the wrong place.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/21 05:47 AM
5

Am I missing something? What does being feminist have to do with this?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/21 05:28 AM
7

I think a lot of women on here– especially the newer members– are still in their choice feminism phase. Others are still "pick-me" women, but they bristle at the idea because they cannot confront the fact that they have such tendencies in some areas of their life. Unfortunately, female socialization is not only ubiquitous, but delves dangerously deep in our psyches. They'll learn with time, hopefully. Best we can do is throw them a line away from liberal feminism.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/21 05:06 AM
6

Don't sweat it. Those who understand critical theory have already had this conversation. For others, well, they aren't ready to have this conversation or confront themselves. Apparently, because it's their "choice" it's okay. Never mind the fact that most of our choices are been shaped by our surroundings (patriarchy and capitalism).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/21 04:56 AM
7

Please look back at my comments. I was never mean or rude. Just because I have a different opinion– an opinion that you feel calls your behavior up to scrutiny– does not mean I was "lashing out at other women". Additionally, you are not a "bad feminist" for wearing makeup or having a skincare routine. That is a ridiculous notion! Stop putting words in my mouth. This is the second time you have done so. One can identify as feminist and still perform actions that are not feminist. Yet, it's critic…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/21 12:43 AM
8

I do not disagree with self care and practicing good hygiene, nor am I trying to stop women from doing what they want with their own bodies. I think our point of contention is not about looking good and feeling your best, but our disparate interpretations of the word empowering. Empowerment is not a feeling. You're delving dangerously into choice feminism there. Empowerment is tangible and real. To me, empowerment is walking down a dimly-lit street at night, as a woman, and not fearing rape or v…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/21 11:52 PM
3

I think it depends on what exactly the "thing" is. I agree that vibrant colors are considered unconventional and people can be reprehensive or rude. Similarly, a woman who shaves her head is subject to the same criticism and disgust. They are not conforming. These are "things" that are not conventional (not mandated by society as attributes belonging to women), and as such, I believe they are things that can be performed for yourself. However, when it comes to aspects of change for beauty and gr…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/21 10:52 PM
11

Do you really set the standards for your own beauty? Let's be real. Whether we like it or not, we have been socialized by society and that runs ever so deeply. How much can we truly "redefine" what beautiful means when we are surrounded by a society that punishes us if we are not hairless, slathered with layers of thick foundation, and trussed up in heels and uncomfortable clothing? Let's not pretend it is empowering to "take pride in our appearance". True empowerment is tangible. Not a weak fac…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/21 08:23 PM
4

No one is "shit talking" anyone. You, and many others, are missing the point of the post. We acknowledge that women are held to higher standards of grooming and beauty. We are expected to go through pain, spend money, and take out hours of our life to be beautiful and pleasing to the eye. But this does not mean that it is a choice unrestricted of socialization. There is a reason these things "make us happy". Why don't these same things make men happy, as well?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/21 08:19 PM
3

Stay missing the point. Why do women partake in plastic surgery and cosmetic enhancements at such a significant level when compared to men? No one is attacking women who choose to dye their hair or shave or wear makeup. We recognize that those are stipulations of society on women. But let's not pretend that it's "for ourselves". Socialization is deeply pervasive.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/21 08:14 PM
2

I saw other comments on here guiding women in their 20s to only date between 1-2 year age gap (younger or older)! The power imbalance between a younger woman and older man does create an unequal dynamic that gets worse as the relationship progresses.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/21 09:12 PM
3

Please don't misunderstand. This is not directed at only this post, but the many others that have recently begun to be popular. I think the "Hall of Shame" is necessary sometimes when we begin to lower our standards and let our boundaries falter. However, recently our timeline has had an overwhelming influx of examples of low value behavior from women and men. It's okay as a seldom reminder, but not so persistently. It's a derailment for our true purpose here. We are here to learn how to create …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/01/21 05:11 AM
16

Instead of posting LVW behavior (as I've been seeing all over the timeline lately), let's all begin to start posting example of excellent qualities of HVW! I come here to be uplifted and remind myself to do better and to hold myself to the higher standards of other wonderful, strong women– not wallow in the examples of low value people. I think it would be far more constructive to do so.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/01/21 05:00 AM
43

By yourself... The main goal of FDS is not about searching for HVM. There are not enough HVM for all of the good women out there. The point of FDS is to find meaning and contentment within yourself– so that you are able to live your life to the fullest extent by becoming a HVW with a circle of HV friends, performing therapy if it is needed, having financial security and a wonderful career, being on track to own your own home, partaking in and having time for enjoyable hobbies, etc. If a FDS-mind…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/01/21 12:26 AM
4

Age gap is a glaring red flag. Abusive or controlling men often go for women in their 20s or even teens because they are easier to manipulate, gaslight, and control.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/21 11:08 PM
16

Thank you for adding this. I don't believe in SAH mothers or wives for the very reasons above. It makes you dependent financially on another person (this is an unequal relationship dynamic no matter what anyone says) and women of previous generation fought for this right for a reason. We have to continue to push further and make headway for the next generation of women. Also, women should always invest in a Fuck Off Fund!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/21 10:56 PM
28

That sentiment is correct. Instead of seeing how you are sacrificing your career, eligibility to be hired, the 401k retirement matching by your employer, sanity when losing touch with other adults and friends, LVM flip the script and think you owe them for providing financially– instead of the other way around. They don't value unpaid labor even if the laundry stops being cleaned and folded back in their drawers, the pee stains on the toilet remain, dust and trash collects on the floors, rancid …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/21 08:52 PM
3

What you wrote about the "role reversal" brought up a statement I read earlier also in the same vein: A great dad is simply a mediocre mom. The standards for women are so high– whether as partners or parents. The makings of a "good wife" are far more extensive than the makings of a "good husband". Similarly, the parameters for motherhood are far greater than the parameters of fatherhood.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/01/21 08:35 PM
3

Why does this have so many upvotes? The bar is so low it's a tavern in Hades. An actual HVM would not have let things come to the point where his partner was feeling overwhelmed and stressed about their shared household– he would have been doing his part of the emotional and physical labor from the very start. This is the bare minimum. Not a "green flag".
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/20 03:38 AM
9

100% agree that you should never be the primary parent for stepchildren. I think it's okay to help out and be a kind Aunt figure. However, the bulk of parenting (buying clothes, packing lunch, bedtime, showering, parent teacher conferences, taking off from work when a child is sick, doctor appointments) should be performed by the child's biological parent. Too many men with custody of their children marry women and expect them to then be the primary caretaker of the children and the home. Fuck t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/20 10:38 PM
11

You touched upon picking a "bad career" and it's true. Some majors are less lucrative (English Literature, Education, Psychology, Communications). They are no less than STEM or healthcare professions– but we must be realistic, not idealistic. Only select careers will afford you an above 125k lifestyle. Unfortunately, lesser-paying majors are "geared" towards women, while higher-paying ones are "geared" towards men. Toss in idealism and socialization and some women just beginning college are naiv…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/12/20 10:05 PM
78

Make sure that you choose a career and invest in it. Don't just taper off and stop working or have gaps in your timeline. Prioritize your career above men. This is how you ensure that you will be financially independent and never have to rely on a man (whether he is your legal partner or not) for rent, bills, car insurance. Additionally, choose a major or career that will allow you to live comfortably and that you are passionate about. Don't be intimidated by the daunting 10 years of becoming a …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/12/20 03:25 AM
26

This. Even in your 20s, an age gap of even 3 years is HUUUUGE. A 23 year old woman does not have the same worldly experiences, financial stability, and power to establish boundaries compared to a 26 year old man. She likely just finished college and got her first low-paying job, while he has already been working for at least 3 years and likely has a larger paycheck, his own place, and more time to hone his manipulation tactics and grandiose airs of importance. Because she is 3 years behind at su…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/20 02:41 AM
13

It's okay. I'll say his name. Adam Sandler. Why is he, the most mediocre and average looking dude with a dad bod always paired up in movies with gorgeous women (Drew Barrymore, Jennifer Anniston)?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/20 02:14 AM
25

In your 20s, the only acceptable age gap is 1-2 years (older or younger). Any more and you will not start off on equal terms.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/12/20 08:06 PM
1

Based. I'm so glad I heard your perspective. Everywhere I look, women my age are going crazy over "older men" because they're so mature /s. I hate that it's being peddled down our throats for young women to search for older male partners by society, movies and TV, TikTok, and other social media, etc. I wish more women our age (teens and 20s) would be able to see through this blatant lie.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/20 02:12 AM
2

I'm early 20s and personally, I date my age or 1-2 years younger. If someone if truly exceptional, I will accept 1 year older than me. I am very cognizant of power dynamics and do not want someone who is ahead of in terms of "life experiences". I have seen so many AITA where men 4 years older or more are so blatantly gas-lighting or manipulating their partners. I feel like most of "older men" are creeps and predators or want to take advantage of you in some way. I understand that "older men" hav…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/20 07:38 PM
2

If you are in your 20s I want to reiterate another FDS commenter's statement that women in their 20s should only be dating 1-2 years above their own age. Power imbalance is a very real thing and can occur in a myriad of ways because they have more years on you. Years of maturity, years of practice in manipulation and gaslighting, years of financial stability in their careers which translates to a higher paycheck, etc.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/20 06:51 PM
14

Awesome job on ignoring his bullshit question! I just realized that I don't do this when faced with stupid or disrespectful questions. I always answer (fuck the ingrained politeness that society pushed on young women and girls) Now I most definitely will.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/20 06:43 PM
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