igorstimacchat Archive

Upvotes	Title	Category	Author	Subreddit	Date (UTC)
8	UK divorce - should I reduce savings?		igorstimacchat	/r/Divorce_Men	09/12/23 08:29 PM

Upvotes	Comment on	Subreddit	Date (UTC)
8	She wanted this…why is she increasingly so hateful? The best advice ever got was to stop asking why and applying rational and logical principles to an irrational and illogical person - just accept that she hates you. Do not try to understand why, just accept the present situation Once you accept that, you can focus on dealing with this person who is trying to ruin you and do the best for you and the kids. Mine had an affair...secret debts... never paid childcare...never did school runs... still demands 70% of the house that we bought 50/50. Fough…	/r/Divorce_Men	28/12/24 09:35 AM
1	Financial settlement (England) Get a solicitor asap. Gut feeling is house up for sale and 50/50. It doesn't matter who put what down initially, or paid the bills. You still have to house two lots of people. Alternative is to try and claw back more by getting an estimate and making an offer for it ie. House 300k and offer 100k if you can. Larger percentage for you but would feel like you've lost. Hopefully an offer she can't refuse. Main thing - get a solicitor	/r/Divorce_Men	23/12/24 03:08 AM
7	"You should be over it by now" The sooner you accept she hates you - irrespective of whether that is justified or not - the better. This was the turning point for me. She cheated on you and ran off. Brutal. Be thankful you got the kids and the house - I'd kill for that. Some have spent their life savings and are now in debt with no chance of ever owning anything because they had to fight tooth and nail to get the 50/50 it should have been all along. Yes I am talking about myself, but the message remains the same - you got the…	/r/Divorce_Men	22/12/24 01:37 PM
2	Examples of ways you feel disrespected by your wife over the years Entirely agree pal	/r/Divorce_Men	22/11/24 09:23 PM
3	Examples of ways you feel disrespected by your wife over the years It's the sign of their immaturity. My family had been nothing but good to her too. My mother still collects her children from school and she can't even say thank you. Get these toxic people out of your life mate	/r/Divorce_Men	22/11/24 09:22 PM
10	Examples of ways you feel disrespected by your wife over the years Had an affair after 11 years of supporting her to become a nurse. Put my career on hold so she could work unsociable hours and I needed to collect children. Demanded full custody despite being unable to get them to and from school and childcare. Let me pay 35k in childcare to her 0 and then got a solicitor to demand 70/30 on the house Made me sleep on the sofa when I found out she had an affair. Moved all my things into the tiny box room when I was out. Keeps hiding the single picture of my fami…	/r/Divorce_Men	21/11/24 09:16 PM
2	How long did it take you to get over a divorce? You got this bro 💪	/r/Divorce_Men	14/10/24 10:06 AM
4	How long did it take you to get over a divorce? This. Stop asking yourself why etc. Massive for me. Accept it fpr what it is and look forward instead of back In my case only - also accepting that she hated me, no matter how unwarranted, unfair and irrational it was. Basically, stop trying to understand how it happened and just take it as it is.	/r/Divorce_Men	13/10/24 08:46 PM
2	Counseling This happened to me - started marriage counselling but she went solo after a short time (no issues, we all agreed at the time). Seemed to help a little bit and she stopped after say 10 sessions because of the money issues. She said she was fine. Within 5 months our 12 year relationship was over, marriage destroyed through her affair and she's racked up 12k in debt. She's become so cruel it's untrue and our children barely see her. Long story short is what someone else said - customer is always r…	/r/Divorce_Men	18/02/24 06:52 AM
5	I’m sick of myself You'll get there brother. Keeping a diary also helped me if you aren't doing so.	/r/Divorce_Men	17/02/24 09:55 PM
9	I’m sick of myself You see her for she is - cold and cruel. My healing started when I saw that. She was texting her affair from our daughters 3rd birthday... 6 days after I discovered the affair. As soon as I finally realised she was not the person I fell in love with, I could begin to heal. See her for what she is - not the person you once loved and actually a cold and cruel person. She hates you, sorry to say it. It's not right and it's not fair, but it's the truth brother. Once I accepted all those things as fa…	/r/Divorce_Men	17/02/24 07:46 PM
13	Did any of those of you who got cheated on ask your wife during your marriage if she had cheated? Our sex life ground to a halt. I tried everything to get her talk and open up and paid for her own counselling and then couples. Little did I know she was arranging to fuck a lad 15 years younger than her before our last family holiday. She still denies anything happened despite shaving herself again... going back on the pill again... buying Ann Summers lingerie for the first time ever... whilst we are splitting up She's a child that has been caught and can't take any responsibility for anything…	/r/Divorce_Men	08/02/24 11:31 PM
1	Hate Cheers brother, appreciate it 🙏	/r/Divorce_Men	04/02/24 02:40 AM
0	Hate The narrative she has told herself and others is insane. Apparently I'm controlling and manipulative. So controlling I spent 40k on ALL childcare and overpaying mortgage for 8 years. So controlling she goes on girls holidays and trips and has hot herself 15k in secret debt. Helped through 3 years of uni. So controlling she managed multiple affairs without me knowing	/r/Divorce_Men	03/02/24 07:47 AM
0	Hate I feel like I have moved past it - I've even met the most amazing person, purely by chance - but I know the hate is still there. She ruined our family, destroyed our future, hurt our children and still won't take any responsibility for the destruction she has left behind. I channel that hate into not rising to her bait and the fact that the truth will come soon now we are with solicitors and her fall is going to be astronomical	/r/Divorce_Men	02/02/24 11:36 PM
1	Divorce Songs List Recommendations Jail - Kanye West Come to Life - Kanye West	/r/Divorce_Men	02/02/24 10:44 PM
7	Scientific study on loss of love in marriage and women. Excellent post - lots of similarities with my situation	/r/Divorce_Men	05/01/24 10:51 PM
1	Any Advice for Someone on the Brink? Yes - learn about post-natal depression. Perhaps it may be that, perhaps not. Best to rule it on or out before more drastic measures which you can't come back from. Fwiw I have been - and am still in to a point - the scenario you have described. Taken to the cleaners and treated appallingly.... yet I still say the drastic nature of the change suggest PND	/r/Divorce_Men	05/01/24 09:53 PM
5	Any Advice for Someone on the Brink? Strongly encourage focusing on post natal depression stuff first. Don't jump straight to divorce war tactics	/r/Divorce_Men	05/01/24 07:57 AM
15	Someone talk some sense into me. Hate to say it, but it's over brother. Start making plans and taking actions - lawyer up etc - and take control back by telling her it is over. Speaking as someone who is going through similar things BTW	/r/Divorce_Men	30/12/23 09:39 AM
4	I still feel extreme shame and humiliation. I really think my life might be over. She never had a baby, but your story is extremely similar to mine in almost all aspects. Seek help - counselling - to help you process things. It won't solve your issues but equip you to deal with them. Sending strength 💪	/r/Divorce_Men	20/12/23 09:02 PM
3	Seperation Don't focus on other women, don't focus on them, just focus on you and the kids and being the best person and parent you can be. You got this brother 💪	/r/Divorce_Men	18/12/23 08:15 PM
1	Who has gone to a female therapist during divorce and what was your exoerience like? I've had one and she was great. Pointed out the obvious that I wasn't seeing - we hadn't built things together, I had built them and she claimed credit. Fantastic point made regarding her not admitting or apologising for multiple affairs - she's emotionally immature. Hearing her say that has really made me see things differently and give me strength	/r/Divorce_Men	16/12/23 09:01 PM
2	Not even the professionals can convince her Not to the same extent, but my ex is like this. She has utterly convinced herself that I have somehow controlled her, despite me never having done so (I can't have been that controlling - she had an affair!) Just got to let them get on with it I guess	/r/Divorce_Men	16/12/23 07:02 PM
6	They really are delusional.... I've had that a million times. Absolute control freak who then complains if you have not done anything. Insanity	/r/Divorce_Men	14/12/23 10:48 PM
4	They really are delusional.... Plus she claims an inappropriate Facebook post by me 12 years ago is the same as her fucking someone at work and registering on multiple dating apps behind my back 🙄	/r/Divorce_Men	14/12/23 08:33 PM
3	They really are delusional.... My wife has quit mediation after I pointed out the travel times for childcare drop offs. She does ZERO drop offs currently and leaves at 6am for 8am start at work. She told them she could do a 7.30am drop off for 8am start if she had the girls stay with her. It's 20 miles away and at peak traffic at 7.30 am.	/r/Divorce_Men	14/12/23 08:31 PM
3	Advice on how to get through the emotional pain. Hate to day it but it's over. She or both of you are in mourning. That will end at some point. It did for me when I realised she hadn't ended the affair she was having but in fact escalating it. I then moved onto accepting it and could start to plan my way out of it (and I'm still going)	/r/Divorce_Men	14/12/23 07:45 AM
22	Wife trying to come back after leaving me for affair partner Absolutely not. It will happen again in the future	/r/Divorce_Men	12/12/23 09:34 PM
7	I changed and it still wasn’t enough. I'm going to say things bluntly, but coming from a place of love. I'm also going through similar things too. Why enter these discussions with her? As other people say, she is editing her story to fit her decisions. You changing sooner wouldn't have been enough. There is no 'enough' for her. You don't need to seek her approval or hear her justifications. She left your family when you had a 2 month old baby. That alone speaks volumes as to the kind of person she is. Focus on yourself brother and k…	/r/Divorce_Men	12/12/23 06:07 AM
3	UK divorce - should I reduce savings? Thank you - I didn't know about the debts / cards / overdrafts and I've paid all childcare, so it could be argued that I've more than done my share! More of a concern is that if finances are split 50/50, any money I save to rebuild my life could be halved and given to her	/r/Divorce_Men	09/12/23 09:49 PM
5	UK divorce - should I reduce savings? Ps. We have two children of primary school age and a house which will be being sold and split 50/50	/r/Divorce_Men	09/12/23 08:29 PM