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incredulitor Archive

View 2 posts and 218 comments by incredulitor on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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-1

Why post it here?
/r/MenSupportMen08/12/24 11:20 PM
-2

What kind of support are you asking for?
/r/MenSupportMen08/12/24 10:47 PM
2

That being said, I now arrive to my question. What should I look out for in a possible partner? Conventional terminology that covers this without any respect to TRP is "red flags and green flags" as you mentioned: https://www.thehotline.org/resources/green-flags-in-a-relationship/ https://www.betterup.com/blog/green-flags-in-relationships https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e2Q6TpnaTao https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XJkCE7xxYoo More general dating advice from a psychology professor and podcast host…
/r/ExRedPill10/01/24 11:27 PM
1

Is this you? Someone close to you? What would you want to do with it if you got an explanation that happened to be the right one? exrp perspective is that people have their own internal worlds that exist independently of ours. Those worlds actively resist being put into the box of one single explanation that would from the point that it's understood onwards determine everything else about their behavior. Again - what would you do with the explanation?
/r/ExRedPill06/01/24 06:42 PM
1

Old enough to have internalized enough of your own sense of meaning and morality that you can grow past needing to exist in a world of conflict between wanting to have your sense of value reflected in the eyes of other people on the one hand and wanting to believe yourself to be above their criticism on the other. Old enough to recognize that different people value different things. Old enough to be able to weather the existence of people out there in the world who you could possibly find yourse…
/r/ExRedPill02/01/24 08:15 PM
1

Psychology In Seattle - Age gaps in relationships
/r/ExRedPill25/12/23 10:12 PM
5

How can we help?
/r/ExRedPill24/12/23 02:32 AM
5

I'm lost and scared and don't know what to do. Starting, ending and talking through the middle with statements. I haven't seen you asking for what you would like help with. How are you ideally hoping for this thread to go? People have shared experiences that would run contrary to the fears you've described. Then in response you seem pretty ready to shoot those down or compartmentalize them. So maybe it's not that. What do you need? What are you hoping for?
/r/ExRedPill23/12/23 06:54 AM
3

https://www.youtube.com/@AnaPsychology https://www.youtube.com/@Katimorton https://www.youtube.com/@DrTraceyMarks https://www.youtube.com/@DocSnipes
/r/ExRedPill19/12/23 06:00 AM
2

Other people have already given responses that cover more of the data than I easily could, so let me get into the nuances of the question given the context a little bit more. A disproportionate increase in suicide in the USA (predominant but not exclusive audience for this sub) is happening among middle age white men, as part of a broader measure commonly referred to as "deaths of despair": https://www.nber.org/system/files/working_papers/w28358/w28358.pdf Ruhm, C. J. (2022). Living and dying in…
/r/ExRedPill19/12/23 02:34 AM
8

Right. Thanks for posting these. And those track specifically to the causal factors identified in the interpersonal theory of suicide (https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5730496/). It's harder to get around "perceived burdensomeness" if you're not stepping outside of your usual relationships into a setting like therapy where you can be cued over and over again to reality test whether people actually don't want you around in the ways you might assume they do. "Thwarted belongingness" is…
/r/ExRedPill19/12/23 02:09 AM
1

Let me try and normalize a couple things here: I get scared to even approach most strangers even if I’ve met them once already because I know I can say “how are you” but then I don’t know how to work off whatever they say. Turn that around and it sounds like a growth edge. You do know you can introduce yourself, see someone a second time and be OK with it on the terms of that interaction in itself, and so on. You are also apparently successful at identifying the stuck part. It sucks to be stuck …
/r/ExRedPill11/12/23 12:47 AM
2

Some do, some don't. There's pretty good evidence from research on relationship outcomes that people with rigid beliefs, who put others below them and in particular who are rigid and unequal about gender roles will find their way to other people who believe the same things they do, and then end up in relationships where both people are less satisfied than people who come to it on more even terms. You can't necessarily look to the most immediate and overtly observable outcomes to determine if it …
/r/ExRedPill08/12/23 01:57 AM
5

What kind of help are you asking for?
/r/ExRedPill21/11/23 02:55 AM
1

I don't know any specifics about what Dubai does with influencer visas, but what you're describing is sort of consistent with what's out in the open about there and nearby countries' sportswashing via the World Cup, Formula 1 and similar. I don't think that means it was created there though. It's a local product of the less egalitarian sides of western democracies. It does play to vulnerabilities in those societies though that are exploited externally. https://www.brookings.edu/wp-content/upload…
/r/ExRedPill12/11/23 03:21 AM
1

I think you need to offer more context and vulnerability than asking "what do you think?" in order to get a positive and constructive reception.
/r/ExRedPill06/11/23 05:03 AM
6

There are some good questions in the OP and a heartfelt reason for asking, so bear with me for a second while I make fun of the more redpilled way that the question in the title has often been asked before. No, men can't have friendships with women. As a matter of fact, straight to jail. This is why there are no popular media that would demonstrate the possibility. It's also why in the real world, it's impossible for the presence of women to benefit a predominately male working environment. (tha…
/r/ExRedPill02/11/23 06:08 PM
15

Right. And then the biological essentializing of it - speaking as if it's "mens' nature", and using "you" or "we" instead of "I" in sentences like "we'll always be driven by sex" - is designed to make it seem as if it's an external thing, rather than a personal endorsement. And at the same time the essentializing erases language that would highlight choice, it also discounts the possibility of reality testing the statement against the experiences of other men out there that would be any differen…
/r/ExRedPill02/11/23 05:32 PM
1

Those are statements. Is there an ask here? How can we help?
/r/ExRedPill24/10/23 10:31 PM
8

That seems like a solid variety. My reason for asking was a guess that maybe if there's something missing on that front, that hole or lack could contribute towards comparison with others. Since you (genuinely, I mean it) sound like you have it pretty together as far as choosing a rich and meaningful life for yourself, what might stop that from taking some of the sting out of seeing other people doing something that seems inaccessible?
/r/ExRedPill21/10/23 09:15 PM
7

What things do you do in your life that give you a sense of self-worth?
/r/ExRedPill21/10/23 08:14 PM
1

That actually sounds like a really good way to do it. I've had better luck in my own relationships basically doing what you describe in (1). Re: (2), sorry, sometimes I use more words than I need. Thanks for asking for clarification. Anyway, I think you already answered what I was asking. That was something like: "when you worry about a woman judging you for crying, how well do you know the woman in this situation you're imagining?" - it seems like you've got 2 cases you're concerned about. In t…
/r/ExRedPill20/10/23 02:51 AM
2

Determining factor in a woman's response (or man's for that matter) in responding to displays of emotion is going to be a combination of personality (which comes from a combination of temperament and early experience), culture, and beliefs about gender and emotionality. Best guess from context you're assuming we're talking about the modern western world and probably the USA. Some background: https://www.reddit.com/r/AskAnthropology/comments/qccl54/how_common_is_it_across_cultures_for_crying_to_b…
/r/ExRedPill19/10/23 09:56 PM
1

You can compare it against the DSM criteria: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK556001/#article-27055.s6 But to what end? It seems like you think that if you were able to say, "yeah, he's a narcissist" and get someone else's backing on it, that would... actually I'm not sure what that would do. Get close to scratching the itch of having him be the one to acknowledge failings you perceive in him that he's not willing to, without being so exactly that thing that you sort of know you're not goin…
/r/ExRedPill03/10/23 04:04 AM
6

What would change for you if you thought of yourself as a simp or not?
/r/ExRedPill02/10/23 07:49 PM
2

Work on awareness and processing of feelings of guilt, shame and envy. This is probably what you'd be asked to do if you came to therapy with this. Figure out where it comes from in some of your earlier experiences, what the early bodily sensations related to it feel like, where it's actually serving your life goals and where it's not. Feeling somewhat competitive and comparative can be normal and even helpful. Like anything though, it becomes a problem if you're stuck only ever acting on that a…
/r/ExRedPill29/09/23 03:44 PM
3

You say "the world" seems to confirm them. Which of these are confirmed specifically by personal experiences, versus media? I'm asking because my experience is that beliefs born of personal experience probably only really change when you've had a chance to go through the underlying personal experiences in a way that feels, to you, on nobody else's terms, like they've been seen in a complete way and that the old understanding can safely be put to rest. You might get there by introspection or you …
/r/ExRedPill27/09/23 03:35 PM
3

I appreciate the honesty of people posting so far about depression. I’m sure it’s at least as common as those posts would suggest. Anecdotally, autism and OCD seem to be heavily overrepresented. While I haven’t heard people here specifically speak to the diagnosis it also seems to me to play strongly to borderline or narcissistic traits, but that’s more speculative. In any case, hope anyone suffering with anything like that finds meaningful help for it.
/r/ExRedPill24/09/23 01:24 AM
1

Hour long video. Is it you, or something that spoke to you? Are you looking for help, or trying to reach others? A shred of context would be helpful.
/r/ExRedPill01/09/23 04:29 PM
1

Not only are you allowed to, I would expect that when you go forward and choose to do those things, it'll also help move forward from the mindset that there is someone else who has to be "allowing" you to do these things. It's not illegal. It's not harming anyone. In fact it sounds like over time as you get better at it would help you to do more to help people around you if that's what you chose to do. What's stopping you?
/r/ExRedPill26/08/23 11:53 PM
2

I have to go back tomorrow and i need help to survive. Did you survive? My bet is you did. It sounds like you could use some exposure to these situations to help experience it directly rather than through my or someone else's words that: 1) you can be attracted to someone without acting on it 2) it's OK to feel attraction within yourself in settings where it wouldn't be appropriate to express it, and choose not to express it 3) choosing not to express it is not going to cause you to die of explo…
/r/ExRedPill26/08/23 11:51 PM
4

You sound like you've already taken yourself pretty far down the path of learning to critically evaluate things you hear against the standard of what you actually see in your own life, and what might be motivating the things you hear beyond being simple reports of global truths. I hope you're proud of yourself for that - genuinely. I'm sure it happens more often than we hear about, but it's not something people are often reporting back on. What else in your mind, your life or your environment do…
/r/ExRedPill23/08/23 05:37 PM
2

Maybe you'll get some comments from people that are familiar with his material, but at the same time, thoughts on any particular Youtuber are an endless treadmill. I hope whatever you find helps with being able to critically evaluate others in the future. Maybe even better if it helps tune or figure out other ways to interact with the algorithm more to your own benefit. In the mean time, 5 or 10 other youtubers will be popping up in his place. Each of them will be turning out hours of fresh cont…
/r/ExRedPill17/08/23 10:46 PM
2

I just don't wanna be reported or lose my job. That's why I'm asking. This should be pretty straightforward. https://etactics.com/blog/verbal-harassment-in-the-workplace-examples. Continue following up and ask for explicit clarification anywhere else that you think you might be able to get trustworthy information if this still feels hard to get your head around. I don't want them to think, "Oh! This guy is such a boring introverted nerd and so hard to talk to. I wish he wasn’t in this company. I…
/r/ExRedPill28/07/23 04:31 AM
1

All of those are good options, just hope they go with some introspection about where the vulnerability to that stuff came from, and maybe some media literacy to learn how you can curate your feed better if you do end up going back to whatever social media you ran into it on.
/r/ExRedPill24/07/23 06:30 AM
2

I don't really think about it much. If my life had taken a different course I could see either being with someone with an OF, being with someone who didn't, or being alone, none of which would really be so determinative of what that life course would be like outside of that specific detail that I would feel like I would need to think it to death what specifically the existence of OF would mean about this possible life course. If I did it would feel to me like I was avoiding thinking about other …
/r/ExRedPill23/07/23 10:20 PM
2

Interesting prompt. I get a strong impression from people in forums like this, along with things I've heard about youtube and TikTok recommendations from real-life teenagers that I've talked to, that 16-20 is the right answer. Open to other evidence though.
/r/ExRedPill21/07/23 06:30 PM
3

Thoughts on posts that start with "thoughts on"?
/r/ExRedPill21/03/23 08:04 PM
1

It probably didn't help. Self-esteem and confidence are responsive to all kinds of stuff, good and bad. What else do you think contributes to it?
/r/ExRedPill11/03/23 05:48 PM
2

That's pretty opaque and circular. It's a need, so it can only ever be a need. It's a hole, and once it's filled, it's not a hole. As long as you look at it like that, people interacting with you are likely to pick up on that you're expecting them to do something for you - filling your hole - that is not their job to do.
/r/ExRedPill09/03/23 10:02 PM
2

That book might give you different ideas on surface-level behaviors, but one thing I can tell you from having read it myself and known a lot of people who have is that it's not going to change the shame you feel. It's not going to change your self-esteem. It's not going to address the fundamental feeling of unworthiness you seem to be expressing in comments like "who I am has to change" or "it must be something about me that I'm getting treated this way". However true or not those comments are, …
/r/ExRedPill09/03/23 09:41 PM
2

What do you see these labels doing for other people? What would they do for you if they applied that leads to wanting to find a different one?
/r/ExRedPill11/02/23 11:26 PM
7

Same thing any time anyone asks "what are my thoughts on X person?" - What do you need in order to be able to critically evaluate it for yourself? It's always easier for a grifter to produce content than it is for anyone with better stuff going on in their lives to spend time debunking what they have to say. Help us help you - what's missing in order for you to say whether there's something useful to take away from this person or not?
/r/ExRedPill06/02/23 05:59 PM
1

What would you want to get out of reading it? Is there anything you'd be thinking about reading or doing instead with the same time?
/r/ExRedPill26/01/23 12:10 AM
5

https://www.ocdtypes.com/sexual-ocd.php
/r/ExRedPill02/12/22 07:30 PM
4

but it is not that simple... "Spinning plates" is like hobby to me. This is how I got my high... The problem is I miss my old life. I tried different hobbies but there is nothing beats that the high you get meeting a new girl. I miss the chase. Maybe you stop missing it. Maybe you don't. Maybe you find hobbies that scratch the itch. Maybe you don't. You can make lists of pros and cons for any of those scenarios. You can try different hobbies. You can drill down into what your perceived barriers …
/r/ExRedPill27/11/22 02:07 AM
3

Sort of. Read up on psychological attachment. Being willing to walk can be healthy, like: I have boundaries, I like you but I'm not going to stay with you absolutely no matter how you act. It is also a common manifestation of avoidant attachment: I'm not only willing to walk away, walking away is something that I frequently do in order to avoid uncomfortable feelings that come up when things start to look too much like early life relationships where I was intruded upon, interrupted, hurt by aban…
/r/ExRedPill26/11/22 11:43 PM
2

I don’t want it. My body does. It says yes or no. How much does your body determine other things for you? For example, I'd assume it determines something about when you eat and go to the bathroom. You probably also experience some choice over those - you get an urge, but you can exercise some choice to put it off. Similar deal with drinking when you're thirsty. What else? 0-100 with 0 being completely out of your control and 100 completely in your control, how much do you control, let's say, dec…
/r/ExRedPill25/11/22 08:06 AM
1

Maybe, although I'll bet grief is more likely to come up in the course of deeper personal work to transform the parts of yourself that would be susceptible, letting go of the things you want that it seems like TRP would give you, stuff like that. It's definitely out there on healing journeys in general. To be honest though I'll bet the more immediate emotion for a lot of people is going to be boredom.
/r/ExRedPill21/11/22 03:42 AM
6

This guy's website looks like he wants to sell me a timeshare in a course about how to get rich selling mattresses.
/r/ExRedPill20/11/22 09:51 PM
2

Just regular old OCD OCD. Anecdotally it seems to be common among some people here.
/r/ExRedPill20/11/22 03:24 AM
9

Get screened for OCD. Not joking, not talking down about it. It's a real issue that affects a lot of people.
/r/ExRedPill19/11/22 10:30 PM
2

What kinds of behaviors are you planning on engaging in out of this? What would you ideally like to see other people do?
/r/ExRedPill19/11/22 08:08 PM
6

This is a great question. Maybe the question that I wish was asked here more often. Thank you for putting it out there. Signs it's legit/green flags: The big one: I don't feel shittier about myself after watching it. I can take a 5 minute break and on reflection, I don't feel like the resource was telling me that there's something wrong with me where I need to watch more of their videos to fix it. Degree in psychology, counseling, marriage and family therapy, social work Labels themselves with a…
/r/ExRedPill19/11/22 06:15 PM
1

Self-help can be effective, but it tends to be moreso for mood disorders and less for diving deep on your values and personality. What you're describing is that you're filling all of your time - you know that's the problem in some sense, or at least the surface manifestation of it, while at the same time it brings you a lot of value and it's not something you want to give up on. The book Our Inner Conflicts by Karen Horney describes this and related life patterns in a lot of detail. For a less n…
/r/ExRedPill18/11/22 06:03 AM
3

I should be looking for CBT rather than traditional/humanistic therapy, right? That is entirely up to you. There's science comparing effectiveness of different types of therapy, and while CBT has vastly more evidence than other therapies comparing it to placebo and finding it effective, in head-to-head comparisons it and basically all others are equivalent with each other. What matters (empirically) is connecting with and being understood by your therapist. Knowing that doesn't make it easier to…
/r/ExRedPill18/11/22 05:58 AM
5

Any posts calling out a specific youtuber as good, bad or other are pretty mystifying to me. It comes off as if there's not a lot of sense of agency or choice in who people are exposing themselves to. I'm at a loss about how to constructively challenge that. There is academically sound, compassionately delivered, entertaining, richly contextualized advice out there on youtube. Clearly that's not what the algorithm is steering people towards if they just let it. How many people who are just letti…
/r/ExRedPill15/11/22 09:42 PM
3

Anything we can add? What kind of conversation are you looking for about it?
/r/ExRedPill15/11/22 09:35 PM
2

Yeah, youtube and its algorithm are a huge part of the problem. It's symbiotic with hatred and other negative emotions.
/r/ExRedPill13/11/22 11:06 PM
2

How is feminism responsible for young men being jaded? What supports that as a root cause of jadedness, versus any other forces that would also move people in that direction?
/r/ExRedPill13/11/22 09:24 PM
3

Is the destruction of the nuclear family a good thing, a bad thing or other?
/r/ExRedPill13/11/22 09:23 PM
1

most people agree that red pill is growing but some people are still saying that its not that big. We do try to do something about it. There's at least some evidence to go on to suggest that it's fairly level with what it's been in recent history: https://trends.google.com/trends/explore?date=today%205-y&geo=US&q=%2Fm%2F06bgmg,redpill https://subredditstats.com/r/theredpill https://subredditstats.com/r/purplepilldebate I don't know, there may be other trend lines that show a different direction.…
/r/ExRedPill13/11/22 09:22 PM
2

Find a different relationship. It's not who I want to be, and I have lots of reasons for that that are my own. How can we help you find your own directions with this?
/r/ExRedPill12/11/22 06:52 PM
5

Not totally wrong, and yet also not helping anyone come to their own conclusions or break out of black and white thinking.
/r/ExRedPill12/11/22 06:38 PM
2

tl;dr: yes Longer: There is a basic acceptance and wishing well that everyone deserves to be on the receiving end of. This is especially a place to direct that at men here who may have been starved for it, or whose early experiences or recent relational traumas lead them to feel ambivalent towards it. So, yes. Absolutely that. Where it gets more complicated is that that love absolutely does not mean loving every single behavior anyone engages in. Loving every behavior as if it could never do any…
/r/ExRedPill06/11/22 11:39 PM
1

I've been fairly successful with dating apps over my adult life - multiple long term relationships out of them, including current. To add some color to what other responders are saying about response rates, mine were something like 1 in 10 to 1 in 100. Many, many conversations dropping off for reasons never to be known, as well. Better with some apps than others, so pay attention to what you're putting your time into. It's also fairly normal for those kinds of response rates to get discouraging …
/r/ExRedPill01/11/22 04:06 PM
2

If you say that about yourself I believe it and the struggle that goes with it. I respect the hell out of the efforts you're making to take care of yourself. I do believe it'll get easier, and I hope the thread is some help with that. Let the sub know what else we can do, and keep finding places to reach out.
/r/ExRedPill30/10/22 05:09 PM
2

That's good to hear. I asked because it seems like it would be a very different situation to deal with if it was your girlfriend's depression, anxiety and suicidality rather than your own. If you had said it was hers, maybe I would have been pushing in the direction that she should be doing the kinds of things that you are. As it is, that's good it's being addressed. I understand if all of this is still a struggle, just - much better to have that support and those good habits than to be stuck wi…
/r/ExRedPill29/10/22 04:47 PM
1

What kind of support(s) are you getting for that IRL?
/r/ExRedPill29/10/22 05:46 AM
1

She may think so. You may be on the path to not having to think so yourself. If I'm reading this thread right, I think you're getting a pretty strong signal from people reading your story as you've relayed it that you are not the bad guy. What would a possible future look like in which you believed that?
/r/ExRedPill28/10/22 03:40 PM
1

Can you elaborate on this piece? Combine this with a history of depression and anxiety and suicidal tendencies and its a very bad situation. is that describing you, or her?
/r/ExRedPill27/10/22 06:38 PM
2

OK. Seems like a vent. There's no direct ask for help there, even though there are lots of points we could read into it. What kinds of help would you ideally be interested in, if help at all is what you're looking for?
/r/ExRedPill25/10/22 12:56 AM
7

I'm really, really surprised to hear that you think the manosphere is where abuse towards men is taken seriously, understood and dealt with. I'm just gonna quote another reply I made recently illustrating that while maybe you experience it this way, it's hard for me to imagine that even a cursory google search of available resources wouldn't break that notion down. Psychology Today therapist search and filter for "men's issues", google "[your area] men's group", just on a quick search https://ma…
/r/ExRedPill22/10/22 12:08 AM
2

Yeah. I was commenting on the opposite.
/r/ExRedPill15/10/22 04:32 PM
8

He’s successful [with] women Is he?
/r/ExRedPill15/10/22 03:44 PM
2

when women love him They do?
/r/ExRedPill15/10/22 03:43 PM
2

OK. Why the comment then? OP seems to be asking from his own perspective. I was addressing it in that way. What do you want to get out of the conversation?
/r/ExRedPill15/10/22 03:14 PM
5

Right. Why are they choosing that when it's not in their own best interest? Do you know with certainty what is going on with OP's partner? What would you do if you were in his position?
/r/ExRedPill15/10/22 12:10 PM
14

What motivates bringing the question to /r/exredpill rather than to her? Or for that matter, trusting her that she would leave you if she thought that was the more valuable decision to make than to stay with you - in other words accepting her agency to choose to be with you or not?
/r/ExRedPill14/10/22 03:24 PM
7

What is projecting about that? I could have been wrong, but that seems to imply you know shit about me. My mistake for seeing you as being possibly interested in any kind of conversation here - maybe that was projection too.
/r/ExRedPill11/10/22 01:34 AM
9

Far out. I get that this is coming from a place of hurt. Trying to ask a question to begin to get at that in a constructive way. Maybe that wasn't the one. What would you have wanted someone to ask you about in response to what you were posting?
/r/ExRedPill10/10/22 09:27 PM
14

Why 90%? Why not 85%, or 60, or 95?
/r/ExRedPill10/10/22 08:03 PM
3

How are you hoping that they or others respond to this? If you want them to address it differently, you can ask. Attacking their description of themselves rather than challenging or providing different context to a point being made is not likely to change minds or further discussion.
/r/ExRedPill10/10/22 04:36 PM
4

Thank you for putting it out there and being receptive. Just to continue the conversation that the thread was starting from: is there any particular kind of help or support that you've seen these men to be asking for? The point about family court being a brutal environment is well taken. Just curious about steps we can take from there in addition to being aware of that and maybe for some people working to correct the fundamentals of that situation.
/r/ExRedPill10/10/22 04:09 PM
5

It's not a bad word - I think it's exactly the right one. I'm asking why it's comparative rather than standing on its own. It makes sense that this hits you hard and I genuinely appreciate the sympathy offered, as I'm sure the men in these spaces would. I'm just not sure if it adds to it, or what specifically it adds to it, to say it in a form that's inviting a comparison that "this situation is sadder than some other situation".
/r/ExRedPill10/10/22 03:27 PM
11

Interesting points. What's behind calling them "saddest" rather than just "sad"? It almost seems like it's inviting a challenge. Am I failing you and them if I take their sadness seriously without comparing it to others?
/r/ExRedPill10/10/22 03:03 PM
3

also just found out about /r/malementalhealth
/r/ExRedPill10/10/22 04:14 AM
1

Actually on checking, the user I was thinking of is a frequent poster, not a moderator. In any case: u/TAKEitTOrCIRCLEJERK, I'm tagging you because in the parent comment thread, /u/Nightchanger and I have been talking about fears surrounding whether it's possible for a space centered around male issues to exist without "getting cancelled", deplatformed or similar. I just thought of you because you're somewhere that posts there frequently, and I think I've seen at least one comment thread with yo…
/r/ExRedPill10/10/22 12:38 AM
1

Those are some really interesting ideas and questions. There's a lot there for me to reply to. In the short term though, an idea just came up - would you mind if I invited the mod of /r/MensLib to the conversation here to ask their thoughts on it?
/r/ExRedPill09/10/22 09:49 PM
3

I think /u/SophiaPhilae already has the correct answers based on what's out there, but just to expand the list out: /r/mentalhealth is a broad audience forum where you will probably get counterproductive responses sometimes. At the same time, it does include men's issues, relationships, dating and so on. Similar with /r/askatherapist, /r/therapy, and /r/HealthyGamerGG. Up to you if their community requirements or culture are past your limits. More specific issues: /r/traumatoolbox /r/MenGetRaped…
/r/ExRedPill09/10/22 07:39 PM
1

Go on.
/r/ExRedPill09/10/22 04:42 PM
8

I've changed my beliefs about it over time. I was brought up to think that opposing views having a voice was generally helpful. I still think that's often true, but there are caveats that make it relatively rare that assuming that any opposing view needs to be heard a priori is the best possible approach. Over time I've seen that: Content recommendation algorithms are generally not as smart as the public and even people who were technically informed about them were led to expect. Worse, they are…
/r/ExRedPill09/10/22 12:25 AM
1

Where is that quote coming from?
/r/ExRedPill06/10/22 10:40 PM
2

Sexuality in general is taboo, any time the academics was to research about it What do you mean by this? https://www.apa.org/monitor/2015/10/research-kinsey https://www.widener.edu/academics/explore-programs?title=center%20for%20human%20sexuality%20studies https://med.umn.edu/sexualhealth https://positivesexuality.org/about-us/meet-the-staff/researchers/ https://gendersexuality.uchicago.edu/ https://socialsciences.uottawa.ca/human-sexuality-research/ These programs get funded. They publish stuff…
/r/ExRedPill06/10/22 05:22 PM
8

hard to find dating advice based on science, psicology, or something serious. Is it?
/r/ExRedPill06/10/22 03:41 PM
1

Is being the arrogant, macho guy the way to a woman's heart? Is it the end all be all to be good looking, muscular, and rich? If it is, why haven't I found my wife? How deterministic do events in your life seem to be? Would dating, for better or worse, have qualities that would make it more deterministic than other aspects of what you experience, or less? Would you want it to be deterministic if you had a choice for it to be or not?
/r/ExRedPill04/10/22 03:00 AM
3

OK. Genuinely hope that whatever comes out of this decision, moving through the point where you're at now is on the path to your long term happiness. How can we help?
/r/ExRedPill04/10/22 02:53 AM
1

It sounds like you arrived at a place where it's reasonably comfortable to continue to talk to this friend of yours and benefit from the diversity of her views as well as the general connection, while continues to be uncomfortable or not to sit right that she identifies strongly with the label "feminist". Is that right so far? Then with the not-sitting-right: can you say more about whether it bothers you that she personally doesn't distance herself from man-hating feminists? That feminism in gen…
/r/ExRedPill03/10/22 11:45 PM
3

100%. There are a million ways to be an advocate or an ally, to do some legitimate good in the world with that and even to gain some of the self-confidence and healthy pride that are often so lacking for men that turn to RP. Anyone can even choose to do that in ways that would specifically help male survivors. To hang out on the sidelines taking pot-shots instead is a do-nothing alternative. Sure, there are also lots of reasons a person might not want to get involved, ranging from lack of energy…
/r/ExRedPill02/10/22 09:02 PM
2

Every single statement he made was 100% false?
/r/ExRedPill27/09/22 03:31 PM
3

Yeah. Couple of Soviet movies put the dynamics you're talking about in a really interesting and entertaining light: Office Romance (comedy) Moscow Doesn't Believe in Tears (drama)
/r/ExRedPill26/09/22 03:19 PM
2

If that's essentially what he's saying, what else is he saying that's unessential?
/r/ExRedPill26/09/22 02:38 PM
1

Please correct me if anything about my understanding of autism is off or doesn't sit right, but I'll try to present this in a way that I hope is charitable to what that experience seems to be like. A couple dynamics might be at play here. One is that, I think just paraphrasing what you've said, existing as a non-neurotypical person in a predominately NT world is work. That in itself can probably contribute to loneliness for a lot of people. I'm not sure if I'm reading that correctly into your st…
/r/ExRedPill26/09/22 02:32 PM
3

The main cause of the creation is social media, whether you accept it or not, it's a fact. Like there have been studies on this as well IIRC. Can you say more about what those studies are showing?
/r/ExRedPill26/09/22 02:14 PM
2

Are you taking the post you were responding to to specifically be saying to enjoy being rejected and told you're inferior?
/r/ExRedPill26/09/22 02:11 PM
1

It's hard to beat the page you already linked. The evolutionary takes on that page of course sound a lot more like RP explanations than the others. The reasons for that probably run in both directions: RP is generally about squashing the sense of agency and vulnerability out of relationships. Evolutionary psychology does exactly that by taking it as a given that the important areas for study are those where we can look at how historical circumstances would have predetermined that people would te…
/r/ExRedPill26/09/22 02:01 PM
2

That makes sense. It's worth a lot to have someone take care of you, especially in vulnerable moments. That matters a lot to me in my own relationship. I also wonder if it's between the lines there that it's hard to think about this in terms of limits, boundaries, what's acceptable or what's not. Maybe I'm wrong about that, but either way: I hope you feel supported in having reasonable conditions guiding the relationship, regardless of whether those would require changes or whether they would ju…
/r/ExRedPill26/09/22 12:38 AM
1

Sorry, I may have misunderstood something about the flow of events and who was being discussed. This was referring to the situation in the OP about your partner distancing herself when you opened up. Were you referring to something else in the comment I replied to about self-absorbed entitlement?
/r/ExRedPill25/09/22 10:48 PM
3

Psychological attachment styles are at least one other alternative explanation. I'm probably not the person to be telling you whether this is more real or valid than TRP, but it is at the very least a more charitable way of looking at dynamics like this. It's also possibly simpler (scroll down to the section midway down about "attachment styles", or check out other resources like this one on pursuer-distancer relationship dynamics). It could be self-absorbed entitlement, and in any case you're n…
/r/ExRedPill25/09/22 10:35 PM
1

What do you love about him? What are the glimmers? What amount of glimmers either blossoming into what you're hoping for or dying out would either cement your decision to stay, or make it worth your while to do change something?
/r/ExRedPill25/09/22 10:25 PM
2

Suppose the statement you're arguing for and concluding with is exactly right: "the red pill... is a necessary protection mechanism." Regardless of whether there's some grander truth to it or some grander truth to something else, no one would be able to stand between you and believing it if you really thought it was the best thing for you. The consequences to believing it or not would be entirely yours to deal with. No judgment outside of whatever came up in the way you treated people in real li…
/r/ExRedPill25/09/22 10:22 PM
2

Lots of replies seem to be assuming that you're asking for advice, and the advice that you're asking for is one word: leave. I'm willing to entertain that idea, but I'd rather ask the question to you directly: what kinds of help or other conversation would you ideally like for me or other people visiting the thread to offer?
/r/ExRedPill20/09/22 09:10 PM
3

Same way I feel any time someone asks "how do you feel about X youtube presence?" You've got the freedom to decide for yourself whether they seem to be moving you or other people listening towards or away from hate - hatred of other people, or hatred of yourself. Beyond that, if the recommendation fell to me, I'd rather be pointing people towards any of the many resources out there with academic credentials who work on this stuff through a mental health lens. If it's a deep problem, why not dive…
/r/ExRedPill14/09/22 07:19 PM
0

What does it mean for something to be a "massive cope"?
/r/ExRedPill09/09/22 11:28 PM
3

Hard for us to make the call for you, but good on you for asking the question. The first thing that comes to mind in response is not yes you should or no you shouldn't, but - would it be helpful if there were similar ways to learn the same material that were free? I and probably some other people here could put a bunch in front of you, or try to help you find your own way to some. Here's one on a quick search: https://ocw.mit.edu/courses/wgs-301j-feminist-thought-fall-2014/ As far as whether it'…
/r/ExRedPill09/09/22 11:09 PM
2

Sure. It sounds like you did the hard work to introspect. You came up with your own conclusions that felt both healthier than where you started and healthier, more nuanced and more applicable to your own situation and desires than the general advice that's floating around out there. I would support that kind of process even if in some hypothetical process in my own life I happened to come to different conclusions. You're following the path here to be your own person, in a good way.
/r/ExRedPill09/09/22 07:33 PM
1

There's a lot of truth in what you're saying, and some vulnerability being expressed in talking about previous relationships. There's a lot of evidence to go on that for men and women both, lack of a stable attachment figure can lead to major difficulties with relationships, boundaries and stuff like that for exactly the reasons that you mention. I don't know if this is the right time or the right way to share this, but it's OK for this to be your experience. It resembles some men's and not othe…
/r/ExRedPill08/09/22 10:20 PM
1

Hope you find what you need.
/r/ExRedPill08/09/22 06:15 AM
3

So like... there's a desire for this to be different, but you believe that the evidence - your own life, the lives of others, stories that are out there, science, whatever else - couldn't allow for that being a realistic option? Please correct or add to that if it's not a fair paraphrase of what you're saying.
/r/ExRedPill07/09/22 09:58 PM
2

What kind of help are you looking for? You've described a lot of beliefs and some personal experiences. There might be an implied request there, but it's not stated. It seems like the process was coming into a space that's intended to be here to help people change, and you're stating something like: "I'm not sure I would want to change and believe it to be impossible anyway." What's next - for us responding, or for you putting this out there?
/r/ExRedPill07/09/22 09:19 PM
12

There are a LOT of resources out there on healthy relationships, boundaries, red flags, green flags... Where do you think the gap is? Are they hard to find? Hard to process? What stops the youtube channels, podcasts, sites, books, etc. that people recommend when questions like this come up from feeling, subjectively, to you, as if they fill that gap?
/r/ExRedPill07/09/22 08:54 PM
1

https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/the_myth_of_the_alpha_male from https://www.google.com/search?client=firefox-b-1-d&q=alpha+beta+male+myth
/r/ExRedPill05/09/22 05:05 PM
2

Sounds like we're pretty stuck.
/r/ExRedPill02/09/22 08:37 PM
5

How able are you to go find a study like that? I'd like to help, and some of it could also be to you to figure out where or how to find reliable information on this kind of thing. What would be the best way to approach this?
/r/ExRedPill02/09/22 08:09 PM
3

I do have a desire for love but a feeling of not being "worthy" Is that something you want to work on?
/r/ExRedPill02/09/22 08:07 PM
7

There's a lot going on here. There's personal experience, history with individual people, a bigger picture of what might or might not be true about people out there you or I haven't met... behind that, it seems as if the motivator to be asking these questions is something like understanding other people and their motivations well enough that you feel like you can be confident and comfortable in relationships. Am I getting it right so far? What would you change about that description?
/r/ExRedPill02/09/22 04:43 PM
2

Do you want to talk more about that? That seems pretty important. I don't know if I'm reading this into other things you've written, but it seems as if the questions that started the thread might not be as big of a deal if there wasn't also some desire for love, or worthiness of love. Is that accurate?
/r/ExRedPill02/09/22 04:37 PM
4

How confident are you (0-100%) that FDS is an accurate representation of women in general? What kinds of evidence would move that number up or down for you?
/r/ExRedPill02/09/22 04:36 PM
3

Boy, good question. I'm sitting up and paying attention.
/r/ExRedPill02/09/22 12:25 AM
1

Well, a couple separate things. These are good questions to be asking. For issues in general and attachment in particular, lots of kinds of therapy are helpful. However, OCD stands out as one where there is a particularly effective form that stands out over others. That is exposure and response prevention, ERP. Refs: https://div12.org/diagnosis/obsessive-compulsive-disorder/ https://iocdf.org/about-ocd/ocd-treatment/erp/ About attachment: it changes in response to ongoing relationships. Those ca…
/r/ExRedPill01/09/22 07:42 PM
1

Research on relationships points towards a spectrum of how "traditional" or not people would like for their role in a relationship and their partner(s)' to look. Being Christian and seeking a Christian partner almost certainly moves the average of that to the traditional direction... but it doesn't eliminate variability. You can probably find Christian groups supporting relationships just about anywhere on the spectrum from traditional to non. But yeah, speaking extremely generally, I believe th…
/r/ExRedPill30/08/22 04:00 PM
1

Link to PDF https://psycnet.apa.org/manuscript/2018-47966-001.pdf Submission statement I'm a strong believer that beliefs and behaviors tend not to change unless their advantages are acknowledged. I've responded to other posts in light of that with some studies referencing that people with Dark Triad (generally hostile and socially undesirable traits) might have more short term flings, for example. On the other hand, this study is something I ran into while doing an unrelated search for papers b…
/r/ExRedPill30/08/22 02:57 AM
1

There are enough aspects of a consensus interpretation to start from that I don't think it's that controversial. Most people and cultures agree: don't lie, cheat, steal. Those things all happen - a minority of people everywhere engage in those behaviors, but even they tend to make excuses, with only a tiny minority saying something like "yeah, I know I'm a bad person, and I don't care or even like that I'm like that." The point is: it's a consensus. Is that enough to make someone a good person? …
/r/ExRedPill30/08/22 02:22 AM
1

For sure. It seems like you've got some good directions for yourself.
/r/ExRedPill29/08/22 12:27 AM
1

Out of the things you've said, what would you want to change the least? The most?
/r/ExRedPill26/08/22 10:15 PM
2

Saying this as a man reflecting on my own history and dating experiences, and people I've seen: yeah, probably, for multiple reasons. One aspect of confidence is to be able to go on and not be destroyed by it when one thing doesn't go your way. To have a sense of yourself as having continuity in your life and value beyond what would have felt like you lost in one rejection, one instance of coming off poorly or whatever. Then there is also just that respecting boundaries makes you more relationsh…
/r/ExRedPill15/08/22 11:30 PM
3

What can we help with?
/r/ExRedPill22/07/22 07:32 PM
2

+1 to the other response that it's pointless. I made a top level response that describes a bit more about why it's pointless, but... what would you want to get out of refuting studies that someone else cites? I'd believe there's a real need there, but the immediate response I feel to that question is that there are probably better ways to get at it.
/r/ExRedPill13/07/22 06:50 PM
1

I don't know what forces in your life might motivate you towards or away from a particular belief on this, but absent social pressure from people around you, you are free to believe what seems to make the most sense with respect to what you see going on in the world and to make interpretations of that that serve you the best. When you say something like "why should that determine whether life is worth living or not?", it strikes me that you might be taking this "reasoning" more seriously than it…
/r/ExRedPill13/07/22 06:48 PM
2

OK, sorry for sucking the fun out of it, lol.
/r/ExRedPill13/07/22 02:45 AM
1

It seems like you're getting what you need out of the many responses clarifying and elaborating on various senses of "absolutely not", but just to speak more to what I think goes along with this in a lot of incel/RP-adjacent discussion: Attraction between people is a multidimensional spectrum. It's true that some people are on average rated more attractive than others. It's not true that all women attracted to men find the same traits attractive. It's also not true that even among the subset of …
/r/ExRedPill12/07/22 09:44 PM
2

Why would that be? How do we judge validity in this context?
/r/ExRedPill12/07/22 09:28 PM
1

Those are traits associated with "alpha males" Are they, though? Where does a coherent sense of the term "alpha male" come from in this context?
/r/ExRedPill12/07/22 09:26 PM
6

The best chess player is the alpha at the chess club, but maybe he’s beta when he goes to a CrossFit class. Where the CrossFit king is going to be pretty beta when he walks into the chess club. Right, and you're not saying this, but just to clarify for others reading: when the chess player shows up to Crossfit or vice versa, the top people are typically not dicks to the newbie. It happens, but the people that do that more often than not lose respect from both the newbie and existing members. Rem…
/r/ExRedPill12/07/22 09:23 PM
18

Chimps (and bonobos) have very different gender and mating dynamics than humans, and than each other, while being equally genetically related to us. Here's a quick article about it: https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/bonobo-sex-and-society-2006-06/ but tl;dr whether that article says it or not, we are not chimps - or bonobos. It's probably also worth pointing out that humans are vastly more cooperative than chimps, at least. Chimps in captivity will go to humans for help moving a heavy o…
/r/ExRedPill12/07/22 09:16 PM
5

We can talk about this, but I've noticed that you've started a bunch of threads in a short time here. Are you OK? What's going on?
/r/ExRedPill05/07/22 01:48 AM
1

Are you familiar with the stages of change model? It sounds like you're able to think about and describe a pretty clear image of what got you here, what reinforces it, and what's not working for you. That is not a bad place to be at, but it's also kind of the nature of it that right now, you will be more aware of the discomfort of the discrepancy between the real things that TRP did for you that drew you in and led you to continue to orbit around it, and the real reasons you have for not wanting…
/r/ExRedPill03/07/22 09:14 PM
1

What kinds of evidence do you believe support this?
/r/ExRedPill03/07/22 04:57 PM
2

My opinion is that you've gotta bring more to it than just asking for an opinion and posting a video. What is your relationship to the video?
/r/ExRedPill03/07/22 06:03 AM
1

Where is this coming from?
/r/ExRedPill03/07/22 05:43 AM
3

What you're describing is pretty clearly borne out in relationship research. When you get two people together who believe in traditional gender roles and try to act them out, they're happier than if they're forced to be with someone who doesn't match them, but their overall satisfaction with their relationships is still worse (for both men and women) than people who prefer a more equal balance of power, decision making, responsibility and so on. For example: https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/1…
/r/ExRedPill02/07/22 09:25 PM
2

I'm not asking her because it's fairly clear in her post what her thought process is. I'm asking you.
/r/ExRedPill01/07/22 06:37 AM
2

I don't determine how other people act, but I do bear responsibility for who I surround myself with, for what I tolerate, whether my expectations are reasonable or realistic, and for the consequences of choosing to hold a boundary.
/r/ExRedPill01/07/22 02:34 AM
1

Every one of these is 100% on point and wisdom relevant to the sub.
/r/ExRedPill01/07/22 02:31 AM
2

“Facist” Aka someone that doesn’t agree you How are you determining that? What do you think a common definition of fascism accepted by most people would look like?
/r/ExRedPill01/07/22 02:20 AM
1

It's hard to put my finger on, but it seems like something might be a bit circular about this. You're describing yourself as not hateful or entitled. That piece makes sense and I'm glad you find yourself there. The next thought is about a string of negative descriptions about yourself and how those would relate to someone not choosing you, an experiment that apparently confirms that, and then another cycle of the reasons that this hypothetical other person would have to choose someone who's not …
/r/ExRedPill01/07/22 02:11 AM
5

In full generality, there's no one path to getting over it. It'll probably involve sitting with whatever fear or other underlying emotion makes the recurring thought that comes up for you "women care so much about height" a theme. Do you want to talk about that? I can absolutely understand if not, but regardless where you land on it I'd recommend spending some time thinking about where you can get some trusted input to process that. The exception is if this thought qualifies as obsessional. If t…
/r/ExRedPill01/07/22 01:33 AM
1

Yeah. I hear that.
/r/ExRedPill28/06/22 01:19 AM
1

The post is a series of statements presented as if they are fact. You must have wanted something out of posting it, but it's not there in writing. What is the hope behind the post? If you were to phrase what you're looking for as a question, what would the question be?
/r/ExRedPill28/06/22 12:29 AM
27

The voice you're directing at yourself is the voice of shame or low self-esteem. The one you're using to describe the other person removes their agency and individuality from the situation: if you lose out here, it might be because they see it coming that you might be interested in them as something to bolster that sense of shame or low self-esteem. Relationships that form around that kind of dynamic will be bad for you because they address the sense of overt need without addressing the root pro…
/r/ExRedPill17/06/22 09:26 PM
1

There's a whole world of sleazy "coaches" out there that seem to prey on this and similar issues, so apparently somebody thinks they're out there enough to try to chase them. And there wouldn't exactly be anything wrong with that, either, provided that people taking them up on those services had a good way to evaluate who's good for them and who's not and there was ethical oversight, which in that field pretty much by definition there isn't. If you're serious about it, please find a way to offer…
/r/ExRedPill09/06/22 04:46 AM
1

Why? A crumb of context please, good sir.
/r/ExRedPill08/06/22 10:02 PM
1

Statements. Is there a question? Is there something you want? I can't tell in your words if I'm supposed to be responding. What can we talk about?
/r/ExRedPill08/06/22 09:48 PM
1

If manipulation tactics never worked, no one would ever use them and there wouldn't be any concept or set of behaviors or whatever that the words "manipulation tactics" would refer to. A minority of men manipulate women for sex and are successful at it in the sense of having more lifetime partners, WHILE ALSO getting the predictably bad life and relationship outcomes that follow out of that for more or less clear reasons. I wrote about it at length here: https://www.reddit.com/r/IncelExit/commen…
/r/ExRedPill06/06/22 09:21 PM
4

As a non-redpill guy who's here to try to help, coming I think from a place of being older and more stably confident than I was when I was younger and than a lot of people here express, I 100% agree with this and think you're putting the issue succinctly and clearly. It is absolutely an issue when people who think they're trying to help enter a conversation with what they think are recommendations that don't actually give concrete steps to take or cue thinking along the lines that would lead som…
/r/ExRedPill06/06/22 04:35 PM
2

OK, so, you're showing up angry about something. It comes off in the tone of the initial post as well as in some responses. I'm sure that there was something that happened that led to this state, where it makes some internal sense for you to be feeling this way. You've been seeing it in a lot of the responses though that the way that this anger is coming at people does not seem to be helping either you or them feel better. We could talk about what you were hoping to get out of this. We could tal…
/r/ExRedPill05/06/22 11:25 PM
2

It raises exactly the same question as any time the question comes up "what do you think of this particular youtuber?" - what is missing that would stop you from making your own call about it? I WANT you to be able to exercise healthy discernment about when a resource is good for you or not. From absolutely any place on the spectrum of comfort and fluency with that, there is some kernel of ability to do that that can be exercised and built on. What to you would make this guy credible or not?
/r/ExRedPill05/06/22 05:17 PM
1

Sort of, not exactly. In fact, anecdotally from professional mental health circles I've been exposing to, there's a lot of pushback on seeing mass murder as a mental health issue. There are different arguments for and against, and personally I think mental health is in the mix. However, to the points of the people who themselves work with mental health who want to move away from that, it's also pretty clear from the research that we don't usually get mass shooters without specific ideologies con…
/r/ExRedPill03/06/22 09:50 PM
1

Right. While I often find myself in this sub on the opposite end of this conversation, trying to get someone to see what they're talking about as actually being RP when they insist it's not, those actually sound to me like thoughts and feelings that might be better addressed by taking direct ownership of them. It's an extended process, for better or worse, not something I think I could offer any quick fixes to. However, just describing it clearly in the way that you have is probably a big, giant…
/r/ExRedPill03/06/22 05:26 PM
1

What's on the line for you if deprogramming were not possible? If he abandoned some beliefs but not others? If you found more, other beliefs that you couldn't get behind? Conversely, what worse fate would it save you from if deprogramming were possible and worked in this particular case?
/r/ExRedPill03/06/22 04:52 PM
2

Can you be more specific about what kinds of "red pill thoughts" you have?
/r/ExRedPill03/06/22 04:39 PM
1

Would it matter if it was empirically true or not that people who uphold traditional gender roles were better off whether or not the label redpill applied?
/r/ExRedPill03/06/22 04:14 PM
1

They may not be able to without help but I think it's not just fair but important to ask for clarification. More people out there will have not heard of these people than that have. And whether or not people are familiar, the things they've heard, their impressions, their standards are not necessarily the same. You've asked for reasons so credit for inviting some more detailed discussion. One useful reason to turn it back to you though is that ultimately the one thing that makes anybody better o…
/r/ExRedPill03/06/22 04:12 PM
1

We all need some social calibration, and you're not wrong to ask the question... something feels odd about it though. How were you imagining people would respond? What would be different if you were to make your own decisions about how to approach people like this?
/r/ExRedPill30/05/22 01:33 AM
8

What are you looking for out of men's improvement specifically? There is a lot out there that is not gendered: fitness, education, personal finance, hell even mental health... there are good youtube channels out there about all of that that don't have to make any reference at all to their own gender or that of their audience. In particular with respect to mental health, my personal opinion as a man is that the main shortcoming in what's out there is not that it doesn't apply to men but that too …
/r/ExRedPill27/05/22 03:49 PM
13

If you keep arguing with people who justify themselves to you even when they don't have to as a way to get sympathy, they're going to keep getting mad at you and not giving it. The way you're engaging with this is the exact behavior that's keeping you from getting what you want.
/r/ExRedPill26/05/22 05:57 PM
19

What's worse, posing rhetorical questions, backing myself into a corner, or deciding on something that's an unnecessary compromise because it's a foregone conclusion that there's no other way of looking at things than what I've already presented? You have other choices at many steps of the way here. As I look back at your post history, there are things you enjoy that you could be focusing on, and you've made attempts to find constructive outlets. That's not what's going on when you step into som…
/r/ExRedPill26/05/22 04:28 PM
5

It's OK sometimes not to be in a place to go way out of your way to empathize with experiences that are not like your own while you're going through a lot yourself, without going to the other side and building resentment. Your effort to understand and relate to other peoples' issues is commendable and speaks to strength of character that I'm sure will benefit you whether it's in this area of your life or others. That doesn't mean you continue to owe anyone anything other than basic respect when …
/r/ExRedPill25/05/22 07:03 PM
1

Thank you!
/r/ExRedPill21/05/22 07:01 AM
3

We're also on the same page that this doesn't apply equally to everyone, and also that it can extend to ideas like /r/femaledatingstrategy. The dynamics of the inner world can be similar even if some of the roles are flipped or the ideal of the person who's imagined to be on the other side of the interaction has a different feel or shape. Just trying to identify areas where trends cluster together and where there might be something that would usefully explain a person's struggles and give them s…
/r/ExRedPill19/05/22 08:54 PM
3

unfortunately with red pill philosophy, you aren't permitted to look deeper or become vulnerable as its considered "beta" I both agree with that as a general tenet of what redpill sources tend to advocate, and also see people stepping out of it fairly frequently, and expressing vulnerability with a pretty minimal amount of coaxing. That's coming from a place of mostly interacting with people caught up in this mindset here and in /r/incelexit though... it definitely looks different when the inter…
/r/ExRedPill19/05/22 08:42 PM
5

There are other prominent interrelated themes that might subsume it: low tolerance for ambiguity, shame-proneness in uncertain situations, a preference for the concrete over the symbolic or metaphorical, and desires for everything to be systematized and to have clear rules to follow. In line with your comment about fundamentalism, it seems pretty intuitively clear how older religiously-sanctioned gender roles could in many circumstances have served a lot of these needs. That might explain both s…
/r/ExRedPill19/05/22 08:14 PM
0

I mean, that's sort of a truth of systemic racism. I both hope you can live the life you want to live and acknowledge that dealing with that is going to be a challenge both on the face of it with each individual incident, and also in the bigger picture that it's probably exhausting to have the expectation of further bad experiences ahead. Hopefully most of us here are doing some kind of work to try to improve things, but at the same time, I don't think the realistic assumption is that racism is …
/r/ExRedPill17/05/22 02:51 AM
21

Why is the post written in the passive voice? "Dating is really breaking me", as if dating is the active party and not you. It's not "I've been trying to date, and I'm having a hard time with it and could use support." Is it worth avoiding the risk of asking for sympathy and not getting it to take yourself out of the driver's seat like that?
/r/ExRedPill16/05/22 06:23 PM
1

Let's break it down. Which part do you want to be true the most? The bit about cold approach? About something blackpill-specific (it doesn't make immediate sense to me that blackpill would be at all compatible with approaching people in general, but feel free to talk about how those might overlap)? Something else? I think you're asking your question politely and expressing a questioning attitude that seems useful and healthy. I'll be blunt though: I don't find much of anything that rings particu…
/r/ExRedPill15/05/22 05:03 AM
3

You're right that being set up with unrealistic standards can be a factor. There are other factors in how eventual disappointment and disillusionment with early life platitudes later figures into a person's life course. Some people move on and do OK, some people struggle with bitterness and ending up stuck feeling like they lack better alternatives to take their life in a positive direction. Besides these platitudes causing problems in their own right, I wonder how much they're also representati…
/r/ExRedPill14/05/22 10:49 PM
2

Don't know why some people found these things offensive I'm only familiar with him from this sub, so asking from a place of really not knowing: how would this characterization differ from how someone who didn't like him would have described his content? Presumably even if they were seeing the same things, they would have to spin them differently in order for it to be a bad thing, right? Or were these what you saw as his central points while people who complained about him were focusing on other …
/r/ExRedPill14/05/22 10:36 PM
2

It just seems so sad to think that these men are going to end up continually recreate problems for themselves, wasting years of their lives. I agree it's sad and generally am in line with the rest of what you're saying. There's also a spectrum of severity of outcomes that I think includes what you're saying as well as people who do find their way out - both before and after his death. We do see people reaching out here, trying to improve their lives or questioning whether that's even something t…
/r/ExRedPill11/05/22 05:35 PM
1

There are a couple ways you can go with this. I can just give you an answer, which is that I think both a show and peoples' reactions to it are aimed at entertainment and not at being a realistic model for how people in the real world interact or what they want. The other approach is what I've been doing: asking a lot of questions. It seems like as I do that, you're finding a lot of places where you're saying "yeah, OK, I get that, but <some next step in the thought process>". It looks to me lik…
/r/ExRedPill11/05/22 05:29 PM
2

It sounds to me like you've actually already articulated exactly what the conflicts are and where they came from: you had a bad breakup, it left you feeling vulnerable to material that played on existing negative emotions but that is not necessarily compatible with what you find yourself actually wanting in the moment, almost in spite of yourself. Is there anything we can do or that you can do and we can talk you through that would help put the source of this more to rest?
/r/ExRedPill11/05/22 03:38 PM
2

Interesting question. How big of an overall slice of people that would call themselves redpilled watched him regularly? My guess is that by comparison to other "high control groups", he was a charismatic leader to his followers but maybe not the one. That might mean that some will leave, maybe a qualitatively significant chunk, but that others will find other ways to dig in deeper. Maybe the tone will shift some depending on which other charismatic leaders step in to fill the void and how their …
/r/ExRedPill11/05/22 03:35 PM
1

I mean that this is your life, you're identifying these shows as a source of triggers of insecurities for you... something about how you engage with that stuff is in your control. Maybe I'm getting ahead of you or going in a different direction. I'm asking because of tension between different things you're saying: on the one hand it's "I don't know how I could ever be satisfying", on the other, you acknowledge that the source of your concern isn't really represented in what women actually want a…
/r/ExRedPill10/05/22 06:25 PM
1

If you could have gone back and approached that show and the reactions to it differently, what would you have done?
/r/ExRedPill10/05/22 06:17 PM
11

You're welcome to think that. It seems as if almost every response you've made here is attempting to put something back on the person saying it to you, provoking them, and continuing to not address that this is a behavior that people here see you engaging in that's getting you predictable results.
/r/ExRedPill10/05/22 05:46 PM
8

What is your intent with calling me sweetheart?
/r/ExRedPill10/05/22 05:28 PM
10

Obvious guesses as to how to read this post are as either: a rant/vent, a mildly aggressive/aversive attempt to get people to change who seem not to want to, or a bid to people who would agree to pile on. I'm sure those are not the only possibilities, but between them or others I don't really know how to take it. As a reader, it can be kind of surprising to see a post like this, because what it specifically is not doing is addressing the people whose words brought it up. I get that it can be fru…
/r/ExRedPill10/05/22 05:10 PM
5

Sure. It sounds like you're experiencing what a lot of people on the sub do: that there are people on tiktok and youtube that absolutely do not have your best interests at heart and will make you feel shittier if it gets them clicks. At least if it's the kind of youtuber or tiktoker I'm thinking of. Actually, are we talking about people that are explicitly redpill or just dealing with this as a general thing that comes up?
/r/ExRedPill10/05/22 04:34 AM
3

Where are you hearing that if not from stats on what women actually want?
/r/ExRedPill10/05/22 02:00 AM
3

Would an accurate reading be “83% of women want x and will never be happy with me?” Do people always 100% of the time need to have their exact ideal desires met with no modifications or compromises in order to be happy? What are the stats telling you more generally in terms of how women experience pleasure and orgasm during sex? How often is it specifically contingent on size? How often does it even have to do with penetration?
/r/ExRedPill10/05/22 01:15 AM
1

I mean... yeah. I don't think you're going to find too many people here saying that these kinds of beliefs are logically consistent or without contradictions in terms of the kinds of emotional responses that would lead to believing them, either. Is there a question?
/r/ExRedPill05/05/22 08:23 PM
1

First off, it's not OK for anybody to be harassing you in DMs. I'm on your side about that whatever else we might disagree about and I hope most other people are too. Please engage with the mods about that if that continues. There is a piece of this that I'm really not sure where you're getting it though: how can you really get men to stop their natural urge of wanting a relationship and intimacy? This whole subreddit makes it seem like they want to deny that natural urge men have What kinds of …
/r/ExRedPill04/05/22 02:37 AM
4

I'll speak to this as a man. One of my closest friends is a guy who I'd describe as pretty healthy in the ways I think you're getting at - can be vulnerable, doesn't tear anyone else down for anything, holds boundaries, takes care of people around him. It's refreshing to know someone like that and it makes me feel like a stronger person. Another source of decent dudes in my life is a local gaming scene that's been unusually welcoming to women and gay people. Even though I'm straight/cis that cro…
/r/ExRedPill04/05/22 02:33 AM
1

You correctly called out that I didn't understand your bit about gender essentialism, which is why I blew past it in my first response. I wonder if there's something in there that might work. The first interpretation of that phrase that comes to mind is to stop thinking of men and women as separate species who don't have any experiences in common. Is that anything like what was meant? What else goes with that piece of the reasoning that I didn't follow the first time around?
/r/ExRedPill03/05/22 11:20 PM
0

OK. Sure. I think I'm on the same side about this. It's hard to meet people where they're at, period, and it's probably that much harder for someone who's in a group that's being the one actively made an outgroup to try to put themselves out there and make that step. Then there are also people who are representative of the outgroup who might have their own stuck points or are wedded to certain ideas or terms or whatever and not really in a place to change how those are presented in order to reac…
/r/ExRedPill03/05/22 11:00 PM
2

Exactly. I don't think this is equally true of every person that ever comes through a space like this. The active resistance that I see sometimes to hearing the voices of other people (women in this case) who are assumed to be the ones both so out of reach and so the source of salvation if they weren't sure reminds me of it though.
/r/ExRedPill03/05/22 10:32 PM
0

women should stop telling men how to be men, alongside men stop telling women how to be women. I think I can understand that as a pretty clear ask: you would like for women not to speak up in this space, or at least not to do it in a way that would even imply any normative weight about how men could or should conduct themselves. Is that a fair interpretation of what you're saying? If it is, what do you think concretely would have to happen in order for the space to work like that? How likely or …
/r/ExRedPill03/05/22 09:37 PM
2

It criticizes the ways men have organized movements and their ideologies without offering any replacement. I'm curious about the details of this. I do see men sometimes offering each other input on how to build a more meaningful and fulfilling life, and that to me, from the outside, seems like a replacement. Maybe not the replacement. I can also see how that might not have the sense of identity or community in it that I might read into a term like "movement" or "ideology". What do you have in mi…
/r/ExRedPill03/05/22 09:34 PM
1

Right. These men expressing where they've ended up often gets a similar reaction from women, and sometimes from other men: where did this come from? How would it go so wrong? How is it so out of proportion? I definitely do not have the full answers to this. A working hypothesis that's been useful for me so far though is that it's similar to personality disorders, where rigid defense mechanisms lead to systematic distortions of the social world so that some particular kind of pain can be avoided.…
/r/ExRedPill03/05/22 09:31 PM
3

What would an example of that look like?
/r/ExRedPill03/05/22 03:48 PM
1

It is the funniest fucking thing that it just won't go away. I mean, in all seriousness, if someone wants to try it I hope they get something constructive out of it, whatever that might be. It just seems even more glaring than other stuff circling around this sphere that it's a case of "I have problems with all-or-nothing thinking, so you know what I'm going to have? NOTHING."
/r/ExRedPill02/05/22 05:38 PM
13

The beliefs aren't the source of the flaw. If you think you're looking for input from women, and you think they would think you don't have the whole picture but would also be surprised at how hard men have it, then you've already set up a bind between what you think you're looking for, and the impossibility of the person who you would be looking to interact with to offer it. If it was just sympathy asked for as such, then people might be willing to give it. Most men and women both would rather n…
/r/ExRedPill01/05/22 08:46 PM
9

If it doesn't matter to you what someone thinks when they read your post, what is your intent with posting it?
/r/ExRedPill01/05/22 08:31 PM
17

I would rather look at consequences of the belief than what supports it or contradicts it. You and I both know I could challenge you on any particular point, or even all of them, and that's still not really getting down to the core of it. The point is whether this leads you or anyone else reading in a direction that helps you find peace, acceptance, well-calibrated goals, and a more or less stable and safe coexistence with other people. To start with: who is the intended audience? Are you imagin…
/r/ExRedPill01/05/22 08:09 PM
9

It places things that susceptible young men think they want, but can't get, into another person, and then sets the other person up as an object of hatred and envy. It's the same thing as white racists who want to paint Black men as inferior but also virile, uninhibited and rapaciously interested in white women, as if the actual historical situation wasn't more the other way around. One obvious effect in both cases - racist white men vs Black people, or sexist redpilled men vs women - is that it …
/r/ExRedPill30/04/22 10:17 PM
1

How certain are you of this, 0-10?
/r/ExRedPill30/04/22 05:57 PM
3

One of the difficult areas of growth that pills bypass is the necessity of recognizing how responsible you are for your own sense of self-worth, how much work is involved in improving that, and how much fear, sadness, grief and other negative emotions you might have to move through in order to get there. I could agree 100%, disagree 100% or anything in between about the statement that "all women need to do is..." X, Y or Z and no matter where I land on that spectrum, by engaging with the stateme…
/r/ExRedPill29/04/22 09:14 PM
0

I see no need, especially when you respond like that.
/r/ExRedPill28/04/22 02:57 AM
3

Bragging about how guys are attracted to them isn’t the best way for any man getting out the red pill. What would you personally have read as possible intentions of someone bragging like that? Were you the intended audience? Someone else?
/r/ExRedPill28/04/22 12:00 AM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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