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insurety Archive

View 0 posts and 51 comments by insurety on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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17

This is directly from the cheater’s playbook. Deny, lie, gaslight, take offense about HER boundaries being violated… never mind yours about your wife having an affair (emotional or physical doesn’t matter). The only path here is to enforce your boundaries — leave her. File for divorce, and keep your head up as you go through hell to make to better days ahead.
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/24 12:32 AM
7

Your wife is at her limit and is communicating that to you. The way she said it was unkind, but it’s probably not the first time she’s tried to communicate it to you, and she most likely feels that you aren’t listening to her, and therefore you don’t care to meet her needs. You have a chance to salvage your marriage here. If she was already cheating, she wouldn’t have said these things. Once they start cheating, everything feels better at first because they finally feel “happy” in their affair f…
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/24 06:32 PM
2

Someone else turning their back on their morals and ethics does not make it OK for you to turn your back on yours. And a second: Telling your child how their other parent harmed them only has the effect of making your child feel unloved.
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/24 03:21 PM
2

You are not correct about this and have been given bad advice. You do not own the stock until it vests, because it is possible for you to not have it vest if you lose your job. That’s why the IRS doesn’t tax you until it vests. Because it’s not income until then.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/24 01:43 PM
3

Why are you giving her unvested RSUs? That’s not money you actually have, and it forces you to stay at the job you have. If you lose that job, you can’t give those RSUs to her. So you are making a bad bet here, where the outcome is completely in someone else’s control. Your questions seems to imply that you think the IRS cares about figuring out who owes them taxes. They do not. You will be responsible for paying all taxes no matter what your decree says. The only way to avoid this is to have yo…
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/24 01:06 PM
8

Many of us would do anything to have our family back. But the deal is, there is nothing you can do. There is nothing that can repair what was broken. This feeling is part of the bargaining phase of grief — “well, I can accept this if I can get that.” Try to get to the point where you recognize your grief for what has been lost, but recognizing that you can’t go back in time and undo what has been done. The damage will always be there, the trust will always be broken. And staying in something bro…
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/24 03:57 PM
6

Why are you here?
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/24 01:13 AM
4

So you want to betray your faith, but not leave it? I don’t think anyone here is going to give you their permission for what you want, which it seems like is what you’re really seeking here.
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/24 09:58 PM
2

You can choose to be a better person to her than she was to you. Someone else betraying their values doesn’t mean it is OK for you to betray yours. Self-respect and pride come from choosing the high road in tough times and making it out better than before.
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/24 04:07 PM
1

Absolutely zero.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/24 05:06 AM
5

I’ll add, if you live in a neighborhood with trails or nearby restaurants/ shopping, etc, seriously look at a nice moped style ebike. No license required, they can go up to ~30 mph, many can fit a passenger (kid or girlfriend), and have 30-60 mile range on full throttle. It’s not really much cheaper than an inexpensive motorcycle ($2k-$4k), but also a blast and requires no license or insurance.
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/24 07:13 PM
1

Are you in Texas? Your spouse gets half of what is vested. Unvested is not counted in your assets, it’s future income that you may not receive.
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/24 08:57 PM
4

Do not move out until your attorney advises you to. That’s all the advice you need. Deal with it however you can for the sake of your child.
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/24 08:42 PM
2

Maybe look at it like she is banging him specifically because she needs him to be opposite of you to allow her to be able to disconnect. And then get to the point where you realize her decisions have nothing to do with you, they are all about herself.
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/24 04:43 AM
7

My ex didn’t value my salary because she felt she was entitled to it anyway, because she “supported me” in my career. In her mind it was a team effort, and then she got upset how she received no alimony (read: didn’t force me to continue to support her) after she cheated on me with multiple men and I gave her enough money to continue to afford our house to not disrupt my children’s lives. I also pay for our kid’s extracurriculars. And I’ll pay for their cars (in Texas it’s a necessity), insuranc…
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/24 07:38 PM
6

It really depends on their age, what your income is, where you choose to live, etc. I have one day a week + 1st, 3rd, and 5th weekends each month, and 30 days in the summer. Doing the math, this comes out to 43%. It lets me keep working and earning to buy their cars, pay for their college education, and afford nice things. It gives me the time to keep my house clean and organized without having to take care of them every day for a week, so it’s spotless every time they visit. Mom doesn’t get eno…
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/24 01:02 AM
7

Communication, 100% all day every day. Does she speak clearly and directly and tell you what she wants? Is it objective, tangible things you can determine whether or not you are successfully providing? If this skill is not there at the start, you’ll just find out five years down the road that they are unhappy and never told you, and now you’re to blame for all their unmet needs. Avoid someone who asks for you to provide them good feelings like the plague. This will always be a moving goal post. …
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/24 04:13 PM
1

You are correct, but you are missing that your income is jointly earned between you and your ex unless your decree specifically calls out that it is partitioned. So she earned 50% of your income until your divorce. This should significantly reduce your tax liability. https://www.ondafamilylaw.com/income-partitions-can-make-pay-property/
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/24 12:10 AM
1

I’ve read all your replies. You are forgetting that you are the parent and your 12 year old is a child. You keep making excuses that there is nothing you can do. That’s bullshit you’re telling yourself and only you believe. Set hard boundaries and hold to them. Let your daughter know exactly what is and is not OK. You will not harm her by putting her in her place as a child. In fact, you are exposing her to harm by letting her be parentified by your ex. NPD expect the oldest child to be just lik…
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/24 03:32 PM
1

I’m glad you found it helpful. I’d add one more thing: Does he do what he says (integrity and intentionality), and say what he is going to do (introspective and analytical of his emotions, not impulsive)?
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/24 07:07 PM
2

There is no such thing as a required time period needed to process a divorce. What matters are a few things: Does he understand how he feels about what happened in his marriage? Is he processing his anger and betrayal in a healthy way? Does he understand himself well? Is he comfortable talking about what makes him uncomfortable? Is he at ease with himself; does he like the person he is, and is he that same person when alone as when with friends? Expect him to go through periods of you sensing he…
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/24 05:24 AM
3

Mine apologized for being a serial cheater, lying, and betraying me. Not for the divorce itself. Did it make it better? No. It just harder to write her off as heartless and cruel. It’s probably better if you don’t get an apology.
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/24 09:54 PM
1

No, you should not do that. It’s common for the decree to have explicit direction as to how long to keep an ex in insurance. You could instruct your attorney to spell it out in the decree, he has common language to template it out and it won’t cost much since he’s billing you for drafting the decree anyway.
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/24 05:21 PM
1

Do you not understand that you’re giving up an exception to capital gains tax?
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/24 02:56 AM
1

You’d keep 500k if you don’t cash it out, that continues in a tax deferred account. And if a judge finds out they may penalize you for the entire 600k.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/24 11:49 PM
1

You’d also have to pay income tax, and it’d be reported to the IRS. So you wouldn’t gain much, and if the divorce is delayed you risk being found out when you file taxes.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/24 10:21 PM
3

This is one of the real problems with pensions. It’s a permanent decrease in cash flow that cannot be made up. At least with 401ks, after the ex is paid out what is left can still be contributed to and grown by working longer.
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/24 11:31 PM
3

The ED and struggle to finish are related. It’s pretty common after infidelity and divorce, which are both a mind fuck. As you get more distance, and more indifferent, both issues are likely to resolve on their own as you heal.
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/24 03:48 AM
10

Filing for divorce is basically the same as suing your spouse. So it’s basically the same as threatening divorce. Tell her she can go ahead and knock herself out.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/24 06:14 PM
2

I meant in regards to your children, not what your ex thinks. Who gives a crap what your ex thinks? Different houses have different rules, and children need to learn that this is a fact of life. You can only balance the the decisions you have control over.
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/23 06:14 PM
2

There is no “fair”, there is only “equitable”. You can’t give all kids the same things… they are all different and have different needs. My advice would be to stop focusing on what each kid “gets” and instead focus on what would be best for each kid.
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/23 05:46 PM
10

This relationship was over when you both slept with other people during your separation. There is no trust here, just blaming.
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/23 05:43 PM
1

It might feel that way, but don’t the other kids live with you and you provide much more to them all around?
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/23 04:43 PM
2

I think you should read the book “No More Mr. Nice Guy.”
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/23 09:11 PM
10

This is really unhealthy. It sounds like you’re making all these changes for her sake, rather than for your own. It much better to be the best version of yourself for you. Once you get there, you may reevaluate your desires and choose a happier path for yourself. Your current plan is a recipe for only misery, and it sounds like it’s not hope you are relying upon, it’s a desperation.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/23 08:51 PM
3

The biggest issue here is teaching your child it’s OK to lie to you or otherwise mislead you by withholding information. I’d focus on that more than worrying about some dude.
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/23 04:10 PM
1

I make that much as a 40M. I was very financially responsible so my ex gets 750k in total assets and no debts aside from mortgage (only 35% Loan-to-Value), the house, all furnishings, and the tax advantaged accounts so she can liquidate them and afford to refinance on her 57k salary. I keep most of my retirement, my car, and personal belongings. I paid 21k to pay off her car loan just so I wouldn’t have a loan in my name that she was responsible for paying (saves me the headache of ensuring she …
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/23 05:27 PM
5

Here’s a good general rule: don’t do anything that locks your ability to move on with your life behind her whim to let you. What I mean is, you will be locked into paying for the mortgage if/when she decides to not pay it or can’t pay it, until she decides to sell it (if ever). She would have all the control in this arrangement. And would continue to use the argument of “what’s best for the children” to guilt you. If you’re feeling generous, you can give her a year or two to refinance, but make …
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/23 01:39 PM
5

In Texas, you will always pay child support to the primary custodian even if time is 50/50. If you take less time with your kids, you still pay the same amount. I’d suggest thinking hard about your time with them and your finances, and do what you think is best to ensure you can be the best dad for the time you have them. If she is a good mother to them, then you can focus on being the best dad you can be. It’s really not worth fighting on this. Just follow the state schedule on CS. Any judge wi…
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/23 01:48 AM
6

Divorce is the one of the worst things you can go through in life. If you have a chance at avoiding it, I’d say you should explore that option. Maybe it becomes even more clear it won’t work. Maybe she sees the outcome for herself and makes changes to be more independent for herself post-divorce, which makes the process easier. Maybe while doing this, she makes the changes you need to see. As long as you trust one another and are both willing to put in the work, recovery is possible. Love is act…
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/23 02:19 PM
3

Keep it clean and cozy, cook great food, and it will be great. Look at it as a chance to hang out with your son as adult roommates.
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/23 04:26 PM
2

She can buy you out of the house. She can give you a share of her retirement equal to the equity of the home you are due. But that is a bad deal for you, since you now have to go buy a house at 7% interest rates with no cash to do so and an existing mortgage on your credit report. She wants to take everything you own and leave you with no cash to start your new life. Don’t let her. It’s probably better for you to force the house sale in addition to getting half of marital assets. Then you can pu…
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/23 02:25 AM
1

Millennials are older than you think. The mid 90s is the tail of the generation, not the median. It is Early 80s to Late 90s. We grew up at the change in the millennium, not born during it.
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/23 09:47 PM
1

You can always give her the options and then have a standing offer to buy them from her at $25k… or less… once she has them, things she can’t sell and may never be worth anything suddenly will seem a lot less valuable than cash in hand. Until then, it’s all fictitious numbers that don’t mean anything.
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/23 03:37 AM
1

The value of the option is the probability weighted value of all potential values on all dates prior to expiration date minus the strike price. Of course, for your purposes, all that really matters is what is the actual value of the stock you have the option to buy on the date of your separation (or divorce, or whatever, depending on your state law). If you can determine that, then the value per option is (Price per Share) - (Strike Price). The strike price has nothing to do with the value of th…
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/23 03:20 AM
2

Typically you sign a contract for the award. Do you have this? You likely own options. It’s not common to get a fraction of equity in a private company as an employee. Often because it obligates you to invest capital during fundraising rounds. And I’m guessing you haven’t done this because you don’t even know what you actually own. Common stock costs the company lots of cash to issue, so it’s cheaper to give options. So you probably don’t have stock. Your options are potentially worth money, and…
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/23 12:07 AM
3

So, can you state right now whether or not you can be platonic friends with your ex and doing things together with your children? There’s no wrong answer here, but you need to be very clear with yourself about what you can do, in order to avoid immense emotional pain. Many people’s ex-wives want to try to do what yours is doing. One way to view it is that it provides stability and security for your kids to know they still have both of their parents. Another way to view it is that your ex gets th…
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/23 03:40 PM
7

Hey man, you do not have to accept being abused. Claiming otherwise is also abusive. It is not your job to soothe your partner’s volatile moods. They are responsible for it. You can support them, but you don’t own that burden. It’s OK to protect yourself and your sanity. If you’re like me or anyone else who was involved with a person with mental illness, you’ve probably caught some fleas yourself that you should work on in individual therapy.
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/23 02:42 PM
1

Again, the money isn’t for her… it’s for your kids. It sounds like you want everything here. Good luck getting her to agree to that.
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/23 04:11 PM
2

Does parenting time play a factor in child support? No. Whoever is primary custodial parent gets child support. Even if time is split 50/50. Should your children have an inferior experience during their time with mom just because they spend half of their time with you? Child support is for them… unfortunately the best system we have is one that has the administration of the child support money done by the receiving parent. A TX judge won’t care about infidelity. You may spend a lot of money argu…
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/23 02:40 PM
2

Everyone’s circumstance is different… my STBX and I built our lives around me focusing on my career and her staying at home. Our house is where she chose, and my commute is an hour each way. I left s corporate job several years ago for a senior role at a startup, which I cannot just leave without harming my friends and colleagues. It’s put me in a position where I cannot commit to 50/50 without something changing. Yet we want to keep our home and stability for our kids, and their activities in t…
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/23 04:55 PM
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