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iostefini Archive

View 0 posts and 124 comments by iostefini on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
1

I am literally a woman who asked out my husband first so I think you need to rethink that belief. There are all types of women just like there are all types of men. If you want a woman who would ask you out herself, high volume isn't the solution, the solution is looking for women who would do that.
/r/ExRedPill23/07/26 01:17 AM
4

Right, but you can still make friends with surface-level comments over a longer period of time. That's what I'm saying. It doesn't have to be deeper. Not every friend is going to be a deep connection, some are just going to be nice to chat with and maybe have a coffee. Having more friends (even surface-level friends) will mean you have more potential connections and you're more likely to be included in future social events. Then you can build more connections and meet more people until you actua…
/r/ExRedPill13/07/26 02:32 PM
11

I mean yeah if you've just met these people, you'd have to start with very shallow surface-level comments. Then next time you greet them and be like "How's your week been?" ... again keep it shallow and surface-level ... but offer slightly more than last time and see if the other person offers more in return. If no then just keep it at that level, if yes then offer a little more again next time. If you're seeing them every single week with surface-level comments and they never offer more, then i…
/r/ExRedPill13/07/26 01:29 PM
11

What about the person you were dancing with? You didn't make comments about how a certain move was difficult? Or say "See you next time!" at the end of class? Or at least learn each others names? The activity is supposed to be the focus but when your goal is to expand your social circle, the activity is to distract from any awkwardness and to allow natural pauses and subject changes as focus shifts between talking and the activity. It also gives you a common topic to talk about to break the ice.
/r/ExRedPill13/07/26 12:57 PM
13

For things to stick you need the same people over and over again and actual time to just banter and talk about random things. How are you engaging in multiple hobbies without seeing the same people over and over? I'm genuinely confused because I've never done a hobby (or any group activity at all) where people don't talk and make at least casual friendships. Were you joining competitive teams rather than social teams? If you're having trouble making friends in the more active groups, maybe somet…
/r/ExRedPill13/07/26 12:13 PM
35

Why is this? Am I not seeing something obvious? Most "normal people" aren't going for "volume", they're looking for connection. So they're prioritising places where they find others they connect with and relate to (i.e. social circles). If your goal is to ask out the most women possible, then yeah cold approaches are the best way to do it (though I'd still refocus on doing it in actual social spaces, like bars/clubs, rather than approaching people just going about everyday life). Most people are…
/r/ExRedPill13/07/26 04:34 AM
8

I'm wondering why the man you're hanging out with can't be dating women. Like... can't you join a sports team or something? Lots of men and community there.
/r/ExRedPill15/05/26 03:38 AM
10

Are you sure that being 4cm shorter would've made this apparently-wonderful woman lose interest? If not, why are you so sure your sons would be unable to find a partner? That doesn't make logical sense. Women choose partners based on a variety of factors - being raised in a home with parents who have a loving relationship and who create secure and healthy attachments with their children has a much bigger impact on your potential son's future success in life and relationships than being tall does…
/r/ExRedPill31/03/26 01:25 PM
5

I'm not who you asked but one example I have is that I was talking to a guy about how I've had mental health problems in the past and he said something like "I've experienced anxiety in the past too and one thing I've learned is that connection is SO important. I would love to connect deeper with you" By itself it's not a big deal but when every answer is somehow spun into how great he is or how he wants to connect more, it gets very obvious. Like when you're reading a conversation and you gradu…
/r/ExRedPill16/02/26 11:20 PM
3

My husband doesn't work and can't work (he's disabled), I love him very much and we've been together more than 15 years. He couldn't work even before I met him. I've worked full-time, part-time, or been on disability payments through our relationship and love him no matter what our finances are like.
/r/ExRedPill09/01/26 03:29 AM
3

Do you want to date a woman who cares more about your chin than about you as a person? If yes, go for it. It will improve your prospects with those women. If no then maybe rethink it. Being good-looking might lure in women who just want a hot guy but it won't give you genuine connection, genuine connection uses the same skills no matter what your looks are. If that's what you're wanting then I'd focus on what you're offering in a relationship (hint: focus on things other than looks, no one looks…
/r/ExRedPill08/01/26 02:30 AM
4

lol, sex is about much more than just a penis. i am a woman, penis size is not the deciding factor on if the sex is good or not. (neither are breasts. but there are still lots of men who hold strong opinions on what size breasts their partner should have.)
/r/ExRedPill10/12/25 01:41 PM
9

there are plenty of cases where it does matter Right, but also plenty of cases where it doesn't. Same as with every trait, really, some people will like it and some people won't and many don't care either way. Think about women with big breasts - some men like that, some prefer small, many don't care and just like whatever their partner has. This also reaffirms that if a woman had a really big one she will likely not be interested in even average. No it absolutely doesn't. Even if she lost inter…
/r/ExRedPill10/12/25 01:37 PM
1

I think the issue behind it is coming to terms with not being able to be the ideal you want to be and accepting being less. For many people there's never been NO solution to feeling not good enough - usually you can study or try harder or train more or beg parents enough or save up and you can get the goal you want. It's normal for young people to feel like they can do anything, so having one thing they can't do no matter what can feel shattering. I don't think it's particularly about the women,…
/r/ExRedPill26/06/25 04:29 AM
13

If women want a tall guy, more power to them. There are men into chubby girls, fit girls, alt girls, girl-next-door type girls, tall girls, short girls, older women, younger women, blondes, brunettes, redheads, other hair colours, hyper-feminine girls, tomboy girls.... etc. Women are the same. We all like different things. Sure some women like taller, but most care more about other factors. If you ask "Do you prefer short or tall?" then sure, women are more likely to say tall, but if you ask "Wh…
/r/ExRedPill23/06/25 06:50 AM
5

All people have intrinsic value just by existing. We can all do things that raise or lower our social value. If a man wants to be high-status and the perceived best guy in the room, then yeah he needs to create that value before people will see it, but if he's ok with being average then he's probably fine remaining as he is. Women have to do the same - if we're ok being average, we don't have to change. If we want to be the high-status and perceived best woman in the room then we need to work ha…
/r/ExRedPill19/05/25 01:24 PM
3

No one needs to be "rewired" just because they like casual sex. Some people like casual sex, some people don't, that is normal. Some people want deep relationships, some people don't, that is also normal. If a woman wants to change, she can. If she doesn't want to, she doesn't have to. There is nothing inherently wrong with casual sex, whether the person having casual sex is a woman or not.
/r/ExRedPill16/04/25 11:21 AM
8

Some reasons people find partners when they are 17 are: To practice dating and work out what things they like in a partner To explore physical intimacy (kissing, holding hands, cuddling, sex) Status / bragging rights To look good together To get family to treat them differently To have someone fun to go on dates with To get closer with someone they already like a lot Also if you have no interest in girls, it's worth considering if you have interest in boys instead or if you're just not intereste…
/r/ExRedPill05/08/24 08:49 AM
23

No one dates a person they're unattracted to, but the attraction is only to get the dating started. Long-term relationships need personality too. Ideally if you're trying to find a long-term partner you want someone who is both physically attracted to you and likes your personality. But the reality is that no one is physically gorgeous forever and looks become less important as the relationship grows - and the relationship growing is based on personality, not physicality. As a 20-25 year old you…
/r/ExRedPill15/05/24 11:03 AM
15

Personally I try to be a good person because I want to be a good person. I try to have healthy relationships because I want to be in a healthy relationship. If you have no desire to be a good person, or if all you want is sex, or if you'd be happy in an unhealthy relationship, then yeah being a good person isn't essential. You just need to find women who are desperate or lonely enough (or who are abusive themselves and looking for a new victim).
/r/ExRedPill14/05/24 07:31 AM
10

It absolutely does. If you approach every single women, you're eventually going to end up approaching a woman who is interested in what you're offering.
/r/ExRedPill14/05/24 07:26 AM
2

I am a girl. If a guy waited a week, I'd think he wasn't that interested in me and I'd move on. Even if he texted me after that week, I'd probably have started looking for someone new and not be interested in seeing him again. A couple of days is a bit long as well. I like it when people are excited to spend time with me, not when they forget about me for days. If it was several days EVERY TIME I would lose interest. A one-off that takes a few days because he's busy I could overlook but I'd stil…
/r/ExRedPill09/05/24 05:57 AM
29

Have you walked around your local shopping centre? Or a theme park? Or literally anywhere with a bunch of people? Try it. Even if you are physically unattractive, it can't be 100% your looks because there are people out there who are ugly as fuck who have girlfriends and wives and long-term happy relationships. So the problem is something else.
/r/ExRedPill28/04/24 03:25 PM
16

I haven't spent much time with people who are into RP but have met one or two. I think the thing that bothers me the most is just how dismissive they are of my perspective. They think they know more about my life and my thoughts than I do and that is very annoying. If I was less secure or confident it could also really mess with my self-image because they'd be telling me things and I'd start second-guessing myself. Thankfully TRP was not as much of a thing when I was young enough to fall for tha…
/r/ExRedPill26/04/23 01:42 PM
12

Women only go for alpha male types. Men who are married and provide for their wife and kids are beta types who will inevitably be cheated on. These arguments are inconsistent with each other because women are marrying "beta" men so women obviously go for them at least some of the time. Some RP stuff says that's because women only go to "beta" men for money and stability, but go to "alpha" men for sex. That is still inconsistent though, because women are obviously having sex with the "beta" men i…
/r/ExRedPill24/04/23 02:54 PM
3

(f) is absolutely not true, most people do not feel that the deepest love of their lives was the person they dated/loved when they were 14. If (g) was true, why haven't men evolved to be hyper-attracted to women who have 6 children with 6 different fathers? (h) also makes no sense - we could just as easily reverse those facts: if a man sleeps around, the woman doesn't have any certainty that he will come back and help raise the child. thus she is less attracted to him. whereas a woman who is pre…
/r/ExRedPill24/04/23 01:16 PM
7

Honestly, I see more young women needing validation. This might be because I am female so I hang out in places where there are more likely to be young women ... whereas you'd be in places more likely to have young men?
/r/ExRedPill01/03/23 01:15 PM
9

Young women might "seem" way more confident to you, but do you really think a young women who has no confidence is going to be telling you, a young man, about how unattractive and undesirable she feels? How often do you go out telling women how unattractive you think you are? Even a young woman who is out there like "I don't need anyone! I'm sexy and confident alone!" is often wanting validation from other women. If she posted that and everyone ignored her, would she keep posting it? Same with m…
/r/ExRedPill01/03/23 10:53 AM
3

It sounds like you don't even like her as a person. Like, your description of her is that she will never love you like you love her, she sucks, being single would be better for her, she does nothing, she doesn't have basic decency or morals, and she isn't interested in changing or helping you with anything. To me, it sounds like it's time to break up with her. It may have been time a long time ago. Telling her she sucks and you want her to be different isn't going to work - she doesn't want to b…
/r/ExRedPill18/02/23 06:42 AM
3

I think you need to look at actual relationships in the real world. Yes, some of them end, but some of them last an entire lifetime. My grandmother died in her 80s. She had been married almost 60 years to the same man who adored her and he died shortly afterwards. Look at the queen, she got married young and stayed with the same husband her entire life. Pretty sure if he'd been out impregnating other women there would have been tabloids reporting that. How many marriages happen every year involv…
/r/ExRedPill17/02/23 04:23 AM
2

No, I didn't, but even if I believed short men were ugly, why would anyone want to date a partner that thinks they're ugly? You would be looking for the women that think you're attractive.
/r/ExRedPill09/02/23 01:47 PM
4

I would date someone who is short if I thought he was a great person and I loved spending time with him. I would be sooooooo turned off if he thought I was too ugly to date someone taller. I would never, ever date someone that thought of me that way. Also how is height the one factor that makes a partner "better" or not? Be a good person, then you will be the better partner because she will like you better. It makes me really sad that you have such a low opinion of yourself that you think the on…
/r/ExRedPill09/02/23 04:45 AM
10

It makes sense you'd be hurt. It sounds like the girls you knew were terrible people who bullied you and treated you badly. I think what I would be careful of is to look at the bigger picture and remember that every girl is an individual rather than all the same (just like all guys are individuals and one guy can't tell you what life is like for another one). Some questions you could ask yourself: Is it possible there were girls around who felt bad about you being bullied, but didn't speak up? I…
/r/ExRedPill17/01/23 09:07 AM
5

And in that situation, you are better off not having a partner than having one you don't like and who mistreats you. It is damaging to your self-esteem to be treated badly and it wears you down and turns you into a person you don't want to be. It's also damaging to stay with a person you're not attracted to because it teaches you that you can only have unattractive partners, and means you have to lie and be manipulative to maintain things. That also messes with your self-esteem and self-respect.…
/r/ExRedPill08/01/23 02:04 AM
10

You select from whatever options you have ... to an extent. But you can also select "none of these options meet my standards so I won't be happy with them", and you can select "I need to meet better people", and you can select "I won't put up with being treated badly". If your only options are not attractive or you're thinking "I can only get trash" then maybe you're better off not dating until better options are available. Maybe you need to work out how to connect with people you'd like better.
/r/ExRedPill07/01/23 02:01 PM
17

My view is that it's probably great for some people, and not healthy at all for other people. You probably won't do any physical harm by abstaining for a while, but the mindset can be harmful if you buy into it too much. If you're not someone who struggles with unhealthy levels of masturbation, then learning that masturbation is "bad" is just going to create guilt and limit your sexuality. It will make it less pleasurable for you with no real benefit. Also, libido is partly related to how much s…
/r/ExRedPill05/01/23 03:39 AM
13

I think the best thing he could do is to be honest about it without making it a huge deal. Like "I haven't had a real relationship before but I'm going to do my best. Let me know if I get anything wrong" I wouldn't be massively concerned if he said something like that, because it's showing maturity by being honest about it and being open to changing. And it's always understandable not to have had a relationship before, not everyone is going to find a relationship when they're younger even if the…
/r/ExRedPill03/01/23 12:21 PM
18

I would be a little concerned because it would indicate to me he might have some emotional immaturity. It wouldn't be something I'd lose respect or judge him for, but if there were other problems I might group them together with the lack of experience and see it as part of a pattern of problems rather than a one-off. It would also lead me to be more understanding if he has trouble communicating in a way I'd expect in a relationship though, as long as he was willing to own it and improve.
/r/ExRedPill03/01/23 11:59 AM
24

A lot of women avoid eye contact with unknown men because many unknown men take eye contact and smiles as an invitation to do more (such as start a conversation, begin flirting...). If I'm grocery shopping, I don't want to flirt with men who are looking at me in the store. I want them to leave me alone so I can buy my food and go home. Therefore, I'd be avoiding eye contact and acting like men don't exist if I notice them (especially if I notice them looking at me). I think the fact they're avoi…
/r/ExRedPill25/12/22 06:20 AM
5

There is definitely that possibility you will recover naturally, and if it's only been a short time then it's worth continuing and trying to build a happy life now. Finding yourself does take time. Some questions that might be helpful to think about are: What things make me happy now? Is there a way I can do more of them? What things have made me happy in the past, and is it worth trying some of them again? What things seem to make other people happy, and am I interested in trying any of them? W…
/r/ExRedPill22/12/22 09:41 AM
13

It makes sense that you would agree with much of the red pill content, because it sounds like your beliefs already aligned with that content. The things that appear wrong to me in your post are: A girl talking about her sexual history with you means she thinks less of you. Actually, there are any number of reasons she might be sharing that information with you - for example, maybe she feels that sharing sexual history is a good way of building intimacy with potential sexual partners. If she want…
/r/ExRedPill20/12/22 07:46 AM
2

That sounds like something therapy could help with. It could be depression or anxiety (or both) so seeing a doctor might be a good idea too. Lack of ambition and low self-esteem can even be trauma-related (e.g. PTSD), so it's probably a good idea to see someone about it so they can help you work out what's going on. Recovery is often a long road but I hope you find a way to feel at least somewhat better soon.
/r/ExRedPill02/12/22 04:58 AM
2

You need to think about what the perfect happy life would be and what sort of negatives you're okay with and what sort of negatives aren't something you'd want. E.g. some people prefer the negative of not being able to chase after attractive women they meet. Some people prefer the negative of having to manage multiple relationships and a narrower dating pool. It's ok to want either thing, but you need to choose which one and then be honest about it with your partner (and any future partners). If…
/r/ExRedPill27/11/22 09:05 AM
1

That's not true, but it's also irrelevant because the people who pay for porn are typically men. He'd be advertising to gay men.
/r/ExRedPill27/11/22 02:14 AM
2

It makes perfect sense to me. A large portion of those that post in exredpill are going to, by definition, be people who have engaged in redpill, and that means they are likely to have researched mens rights and dating and seduction and inceldom and MGTOW etc communities because redpill has a lot of overlap with those communities. And that comes across in the images, those communities all seem to have a lot of overlap with each other. It made me sad that FDS has overlap with the CPTSD sub becaus…
/r/ExRedPill22/11/22 01:42 PM
3

I find the biggest giveaway is if they pretend that their advice will "solve" things for you, and if things aren't solved, they say you're just not doing the advice right. Legit is stuff like "it's a negotiation between two people" and "work on yourself but there is no guarantee" and it encourages you to find other healthy sources of support (like therapy). Grifter is stuff like "If you do x, y, z then you will get women" or "You tried x and it didn't work? That's because you're a loser. Follow …
/r/ExRedPill20/11/22 12:57 PM
13

Not all women have a conventionally attractive body either.
/r/ExRedPill19/11/22 05:03 AM
3

Women are most sexually attracted to men who say nice things to them https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/0092623X.2018.1549633 When looking for long-term partners, both men and women prefer partners similar to themselves and with good personalities https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1300/j056v12n03_01 (Although when seeking short-term partners, women prioritise social status and men prioritise physical appearance) Women care about status and personality attributes such as kindness, …
/r/ExRedPill01/11/22 12:59 PM
2

When I say it, it's because it's true. I don't care unless it's very big and becomes painful, or very small and it becomes harder to feel it. I did have one partner who was extremely small (as in micro-penis size) but he obviously knew about that issue way before I did. He warned me before we got undressed and kind of let me know how he wanted it to be talked about ("It's small in length but the girth is good and I can use it well"), so I went along with that and focused on the things I was find…
/r/ExRedPill21/07/22 12:39 PM
22

I 100% agree that the "success" reported by PUAs is because they pressure women into doing things they're uncomfortable with. That is why most women hate PUAs - they don't like being pressured into things. A "shit test" can be anything but in most cases I'd say what a PUA calls a "shit test" is actually more of a "will this man murder/rape me?" test, and passing it doesn't cause attraction. It just means you're meeting bare minimum standards for the woman to continue speaking with you. It's unfo…
/r/ExRedPill26/06/22 11:51 AM
2

I think it's normal to be lost and not know where you're going yet, especially when you're younger. As you get older you kind of figure out who you want to be and it gets easier to set yourself up in that niche with confidence. No one has everything figured out. Most people pick whatever is most important to them (for example a career) and figure that out first and then use that to start working on the rest. Also I'm not sure where you're meeting other women but "want a man who is more well off …
/r/ExRedPill13/03/22 04:40 AM
2

My point was more that there are a whole range of women, with white supremacist on one extreme and those who only date black guys on the other. Inbetween is everyone else but for some reason you're only looking at one extreme end.
/r/ExRedPill08/03/22 02:43 PM
5

If you've never dated any woman then why are you fixated on the white women in interracial relationships? What about the women who are white supremacists? I doubt they're more into black guys. And there are lots of men with more feminine features who are considered very physically attractive. This article says: most women favoured a feminised male face So, the problem is probably not your race/appearance. It might be because you live in a small town where it's harder to find compatible people, o…
/r/ExRedPill08/03/22 07:23 AM
1

I think redpill gives a really skewed view of women. I want to give men a chance to meet and talk to a woman who isn't hostile and who they can share ideas with while they're in the process of learning and changing. I think everyone deserves a chance to change if they want to and I see me participating here, when I can, as supporting that change. As for what I get out of it ... I like knowing that more men are becoming kinder people. It makes me happy to see people who are improving themselves.
/r/ExRedPill19/02/22 04:34 AM
3

In my opinion it's different to traditional porn because it involves some level of collaboration and imagination on your part to create the scenario. You're not just being fed the entire thing, you have to take the other person's input and build the scenario in your own mind based on that (similar to reading erotica). It does have some similarities to porn as well which you are obviously aware of.
/r/ExRedPill17/01/22 11:00 AM
2

In addition to all of these great suggestions, you could also explore /r/gonewildaudio - there is a variety of different stuff to listen to (so you might have to filter through to find what you like), or you could create your own for others to listen to.
/r/ExRedPill17/01/22 10:40 AM
3

Search for social opportunities nearby and then go to a few of them. Which ones you choose will depend on your interests but some people choose volunteering or joining groups off meetup.com or joining hobby-specific groups like D&D. If you live somewhere rural you might be more limited in your options or you might have to travel into a city for some things. If you can get a few others who also live rural that would be easiest, and they can even help share travel costs if you want to do something…
/r/ExRedPill06/01/22 03:26 AM
2

Maybe that is something that needs to change if you want to meet women?
/r/ExRedPill06/01/22 03:01 AM
2

First you need to think about what you want from women. Women are not all the same. Do you want a life partner? Casual sex partner? Someone who will work out with you? Someone who will go out drinking with you? Someone who will stay home and play video games with you? Once you know which things are the most important to you (for example, maybe you want a woman who enjoys video games and working out?) then you can think about what sort of life you want to have with her. If you want a life where y…
/r/ExRedPill05/01/22 11:50 AM
1

I hope you find something that works for you soon. In the meantime ... I doubt you're dull and boring forever, you're just depressed and that's ok. I hope you're feeling better soon.
/r/ExRedPill22/10/21 01:33 PM
1

How long is it meant to be until you feel the effects? If nothing's changed maybe you need different meds? One guy I knew tried 20 different combinations before he found the right thing for him (I think most people need way less tries than that though). You could also try therapy if meds don't work.
/r/ExRedPill22/10/21 01:15 PM
1

That sounds like you're in a bad place right now and you don't have the fun things in your life anymore :( I don't think that makes you a bad person, though. To be honest it sounds like depression. Losing interest in hobbies you used to enjoy is a classic sign of depression. Porn addiction can also be related to depression, because you lack normal levels of good feelings so your brain grabs whatever makes you feel anything at all. Lack of willpower is also a sign of depression. Insulting yoursel…
/r/ExRedPill22/10/21 01:04 PM
1

That sounds like you're interested in videogames?
/r/ExRedPill22/10/21 12:47 PM
1

So what do you do in your spare time? What do you want to be doing?
/r/ExRedPill22/10/21 12:39 PM
1

You think you are literally the most boring person in the world and the one and only exception to that rule? Why?
/r/ExRedPill22/10/21 03:59 AM
5

No one is dull and boring to everyone. Some people have many interests and can make friends with lots of people, some people have niche interests and only make friends with those who share those interests. That's ok. That doesn't mean they are boring people, just that they need to find the right people. Your problem sounds like it's either: You don't know what you like so you can't find your people (therapy can help with this) You know what you like, but you have such a low opinion of yourself t…
/r/ExRedPill21/10/21 01:42 PM
21

I think it should be quarantined too. It's full of hate and bad advice.
/r/ExRedPill26/09/21 10:30 AM
10

So ... let me see if I understand what happened: You got chatting with a girl The chat turned sexual She invited you over Then she said "Actually my sister is here, we better go somewhere else" You said "no thanks" She said "Ok I'll get someone else" You said "Yeah, I'll do it next time" She said "Too late" because she was no longer interested That sounds like she offered, you said no, so she went with someone else. I'm not sure how any of that was her playing you?
/r/ExRedPill13/09/21 07:47 AM
1

There will definitely be people who say stuff like that. That happens in all areas of life though, like I'm sure there are people who would judge you for being part of TRP. And other people who would judge you for not being part of TRP. In the end all you can do is pick the option that you feel is best and fairest for everyone involved. If you're in an unhappy marriage then divorce is probably the best and fairest option, no matter what anyone else says.
/r/ExRedPill19/07/21 10:45 PM
6

I fear ending up in a situation where she is able to put up a facade regarding it. I think that's a valid concern. No one wants a partner who lies to them or who doesn't truly care about them. To be honest though, I think most people want the same things you want. If you get unlucky and have a partner who puts up a facade and ends up hurting you, you can just leave them and find someone better because most people are normal people who want to be happy in a mutual relationship. I would also say t…
/r/ExRedPill19/07/21 04:15 PM
17

I think it's true that many people in their early 20s aren't looking for a partner to settle down and have children with. Women are more likely to look for casual sex and "hot" partners. Men are also more likely to look for casual sex and "hot" partners. As people grow older, the chances they have already met someone they want to marry goes up, so they are more likely to create long-term relationships. They start thinking about how they want their life to look in the future, so they look for par…
/r/ExRedPill19/07/21 03:52 PM
30

She needs therapy. There must be some reason she's internalised this and therapy will help her to unpack that. (If she's reluctant, you could point out that as her future husband you want her to be the healthiest and happiest she can be. This has the benefit of both being true, because you love her, and also appealing to whatever twisted side of her thinks you should be the one making decisions.) In the meantime you could try sitting down with her and talking through how she's feeling, what she'…
/r/ExRedPill22/05/21 11:06 AM
16

No one should date someone they consider undesirable. You need to look at why you're deciding they're undesirable and think about if that trait alone is what bothers you, or if it's something more specific. One example is feminists. Some feminists think that forcing people into gender roles is wrong, and men and women should both be allowed to do what they want. I'm ok with that. Some feminists think men are the source of all problems in society and need to be blamed for it. I'm not ok with that…
/r/ExRedPill11/03/21 01:43 PM
2

I agree, it does tell you to work hard etc, but it also says "the problem is not you, the problem is the world" and mentally ill people are often really keen to take any option that lets them blame someone else. (Which is not entirely their fault - it can be part of their illness.) TRP is a quick fix because it teaches you to do set tasks and that once you've done them, you'll succeed. Staying fit and working on your career and playing the game isn't easy or quick but its definitely easier than …
/r/ExRedPill09/02/21 02:42 AM
14

I think this stuff does prey on mentally ill people because it offers a "quick fix" instead of having to work hard on yourself and your mental health. It's also a really good way to reassign blame - like, you're not lonely because you're mentally ill, you're lonely because the system is against you! Now you just have to game the system and win a girlfriend! It makes it so the blame is on everyone except yourself, and when you're mentally ill that can be really appealing. I would like to add, tho…
/r/ExRedPill08/02/21 03:58 PM
21

It's because they don't think about other people, they think about themselves, and then they over-generalize. They think "When I was acting that way, no one wanted sex with me. Now I do this instead, people will want me." Then they over-generalize because they're like "Everyone must be like me". Usually they don't even think about it. If you ask, they might think about it, but they've already decided their position so they'll start inventing reasons to support it instead of seriously reconsideri…
/r/ExRedPill16/11/20 10:47 AM
8

You're being way too hard on yourself. It's great that you want to help women and dismantle systems of oppression and change minds so the world is a better place, but its not something you can do by sheer force of will. You'll wear yourself out by trying to do everything at once. You can support without starting petitions and without making announcements and without arguing with everyone around you. You don't have to deradicalise everyone you meet who holds damaging opinions. Think about how you…
/r/ExRedPill18/10/20 04:30 AM
24

The sad thing is they probably believed what they were saying. It must suck living in a world where you literally believe half the population is out to get you. I feel so sorry for men like that. They'll never find happiness while they keep clinging to their anger and bitterness. I hope that young guy didn't let them get to him too much.
/r/ExRedPill17/10/20 03:09 PM
33

Some women are attracted to murderers or serial killers. Most women are not. If all women were, he wouldn't have received 'several', he'd have received hundreds of thousands or even millions of letters. It's like saying "Why are men attracted to extremely obese women? I saw a porn video once that had an extremely obese woman and it had 3000 likes. I don't understand men. Is this proof they only think with their dicks? Men are so strange." It's not that the gender as a whole is weird, its that th…
/r/ExRedPill16/10/20 12:46 PM
2

You could try /r/menslib They're not particularly aimed at guys who have no luck with girls, but they are aimed at discussing men's issues in a way that's not toxic to women (or men). Dating or not-dating would fall under that as well.
/r/ExRedPill12/10/20 04:31 AM
4

It's definitely not all bad, but most of the truthful stuff is stuff you can get from anywhere. e.g. "Women like confidence" - everyone likes confidence! No one wants to date someone who hides in a corner and won't interact with them. The stuff that is about "all women" is either about all people, or its about a specific subset of women that TRP teaches you to target. The leaders of TRP groups usually are the most toxic, because they buy into TRP so much that they can't see or accept criticisms.…
/r/ExRedPill09/09/20 05:21 AM
5

I think you're right, men have it much harder than women when it comes to anxiety problems. A lot of people are more judgemental of men. Not to say women escape that though - I'm a woman with CPTSD and I get judged for it, and harshly, but I have definitely met a lot of men who think its ok for me as a woman to be anxious but not ok for men to be that way. That said ... you don't want to date women who are judgy and think CPTSD or anxiety is a weakness. It might narrow your dating pool, but narr…
/r/ExRedPill02/09/20 10:25 AM
6

"Nice guys" are not nice and respectful at all. They think "If I do x nice things then I will get y" where y is a romantic relationship and/or sex, and that's not actually nice. That's manipulative and fake. Genuine niceness is where you do nice things with no expectation of anything in return. No one owes you anything for being nice. The same thing with respectful. Respectful includes treating the woman as though she has her own agency and her own ability to make decisions (because she does), a…
/r/ExRedPill17/08/20 06:03 AM
-1

I'm glad you've found success with it. If you're happy, keep going (but please be ready to ditch any parts of it that don't work for you, because there is a lot of toxic stuff in there). If you ever want to change, or want to find a relationship based on mutual respect, where vulnerability and acceptance are valued, then we will still be here to help you navigate that and to work out what aspects of the red pill are useful and which ones will destroy a healthy relationship. If you follow all the…
/r/ExRedPill06/08/20 05:57 AM
1

I think its more about what you yourself value. If you really value fitness, a "high quality" woman probably enjoys fitness or at least understands how important fitness is to you. If you really value video games, a "high quality" woman probably enjoys video games or at least understands how important video games are you to you. It's also about what you value in a partner. If you value kindness, then "high quality" means she has to be kind. If you value good looks, "high quality" means she has t…
/r/ExRedPill18/07/20 11:05 AM
34

What they want - to be loved and accepted for who they are - is never going to come about by changing themselves into people who mistreat women and hate themselves and everyone else. Hate won't make you happy.
/r/ExRedPill06/07/20 03:32 PM
31

they will know it intuitively Hahahahahaha. Anyway, here is a page about using the "dread game" to "restore attraction". One of the strategies they list is to go on dates with other women. It is a ridiculously bad strategy, but it has some basis in things that might work. i.e. if you're coming on too strong, scaling back a bit might help ... cheating on her etc. will just make her think you're scum though, unless you've chosen to date someone with severe emotional problems who has a pathological…
/r/ExRedPill13/06/20 11:51 AM
12

Yeah. They're both counter-productive ways of trying to achieve a state of happiness. Most unhealthy ways of thinking and behaving could fit into that model. You try to achieve something thinking it will solve everything, but it actually makes everything worse and you end up worse off than you started. Then you have years of unlearning all the toxic stuff you've taught yourself and picking out which fragments were actually useful, if any.
/r/ExRedPill07/06/20 03:27 PM
5

Is it possible that she just wanted a break? I think having one weird day is fine, everyone has weird days every so often. It it becomes a trend then it might be time to discuss what's changed with her, probably phrased as something like "I miss talking to you so often, what's changed?" instead of "Where have you been and what have you been doing?" However, at this point, its probably nothing and you only need to talk to her about it if you're freaking out and need her to reassure you (which is …
/r/ExRedPill09/05/20 10:07 AM
8

Yes, good idea, ignore it and keep away from it. I think any person you'd want to date is not going to fit into those ideologies because the ideologies are toxic and attract toxic people and create toxic relationships.
/r/ExRedPill27/04/20 03:09 PM
9

Maybe don't date those women? There are other women who're not like that too.
/r/ExRedPill24/04/20 01:54 AM
10

As a woman I think they are both terrible, they objectify women and their goal is just to collect one (or more) as trophies rather than connecting with women as people. However redpillers seem to think women are all evil and don't deserve freedom of choice or respect in anyway way, so in that way I think they're worse. As far as I know pickup artists are more about lying to women to impress them and trying to get any woman they can, which is not as bad as redpillers who hold women as lesser bein…
/r/ExRedPill23/04/20 03:32 PM
13

I agree with you that strict gender roles are damaging to both genders and can make it hard for us to explore our identities in the ways we'd like to. To answer the question in the title, you could try /r/MensLib as a place to discuss men's issues while still being pro-feminism.
/r/ExRedPill09/04/20 05:22 AM
3

I think where therapy can help you is by helping you explore why you think everyone is going to disrespect you and treat you without decency, and maybe give you tools to manage that sort of discrimination when you do come across it without becoming discriminatory yourself in response. Therapy isn't going to change the world you live in but it can help you find parts of it that you didn't realise existed before, and it can help you find the parts of the world that you LIKE instead of the parts th…
/r/ExRedPill01/04/20 02:38 PM
6

There isn't really a solution. She's insecure about her looks, you both know it, there's not much else to say. You can stop dating her, or you can be willing to reassure her, or you can stop talking about looks with her. There aren't really other options. I think over time she will increase in confidence, and you will both care less about appearances. You both sound pretty young in this post.
/r/ExRedPill05/09/19 09:59 AM
6

Of course it matters. If the woman continues to work and her lifestyle is not significantly affected by getting divorced, then the courts don't order any alimony payments. Again, alimony can go both ways, it's not about "women take from men". Men can be awarded alimony too, it just happens less often because most relationships follow (to some extent) the traditional structure of men being the ones who earn the money while women are the ones who support the children and care for the home. Further…
/r/ExRedPill16/08/19 03:01 AM
27

If you're a billionaire, a pre-nup will likely be drafted fairly and with appropriate legal advice and support, and be difficult to overturn. If you're a guy who crafts his own pre-nup that says something like "All money goes to man, none to woman" and pressures her into signing it, it will be overturned easily because it wasn't done properly. I do think it's true, lots of rich men are screwed over in divorces. Lots of rich women are, too. A billionaire woman who marries a less rich man also has…
/r/ExRedPill15/08/19 10:01 AM
2

You should trust yourself because you ESCAPED the trap. As a teenager you're learning all about the world around you because you're finally old enough to understand it and part of that is exploring new ideas and seeing which ones you believe. You've explored TRP, found out it was rubbish, and now you're ready to move on with your life. You can trust your judgement because you know it worked to help you get out of TRP's trap.
/r/ExRedPill31/07/19 10:14 AM
4

Of course I'm a failed man, being helpless with women at my age is inexcusable. I met my husband when he was 25. He was a virgin who had one ex-gf that he'd never had sex with (she cheated on him and left him for another man). I never thought of him as a failure or helpless in any way, he is amazing and I love him and we've been married 10 years now. My point is ... you don't have to be successful now. It's not like "be successful by 25 or you'll never achieve anything" - if that was true there …
/r/ExRedPill10/07/19 06:43 AM
1

I think the extremists on the left side do that, yeah, but I think it's a mistake to assume that everyone is an extremist. I don't agree with extremists on either side. I think the majority of the left/feminism/menslib movements don't blame men or white people. I am a feminist for example, but I don't think it's a man's fault that women are under-represented in positions of power. It's a severe issue, and it needs to be resolved, but I wouldn't blame men because it's not like men are conspiring …
/r/ExRedPill22/05/19 10:28 AM
3

I would never think anyone is a bad person so long as they treat me with respect, and you are, so it's fine :) I agree that the original red pill stuff might have come from a good place, but it's definitely expanded well beyond that now to become very damaging to anyone who interacts with it (men or women). It also does discuss a few important points (for example, unfair expectations placed on men across society), but the way they express those things is toxic and aggressive, and always comes ba…
/r/ExRedPill22/05/19 09:01 AM
23

I think that the "good" in TRP is basic common sense, and doesn't need to be taken from TRP because it can be taken from literally anywhere else as well. e.g. "If you take care of yourself, more women will like you." - no fucking kidding. Yes that is an element of TRP and it is useful knowledge, but it's not something that you need to take from TRP because there are other less toxic places you can learn that. I think people who follow TRP are usually misguided and looking for answers, and they e…
/r/ExRedPill22/05/19 05:04 AM
2

It's normal to feel a bit awkward/vulnerable after sharing something like that, and it's also normal to feel more affectionate. I think if you're feeling like you want to be more affectionate, be more affectionate. If you're feeling uncomfortable, hold off a bit for a day or two (but of course still be nice to her). I doubt she is going to be scared away either way. If you were making her uncomfortable, hopefully your relationship is strong enough that her first thought if she's getting uncomfor…
/r/ExRedPill05/05/19 04:17 PM
2

I'm not entirely sure. I know we got married 2 years into our relationship, but we were talking seriously about marriage at least six months before that... so maybe somewhere around 18 months in? I think 8 months is a bit early, but you both agreed it's still a long way off, so it's probably not anything to worry about. I'd probably take it as confirmation of how seriously my partner takes our relationship.
/r/ExRedPill05/05/19 02:24 PM
3

Hmm. When my husband and I were talking about getting married, I guess that was similar. I was very happy when we started talking about marriage... knowing he wanted the same things I wanted and he felt the same way and he was choosing me... all of that, it just made me really happy. I was so excited and pleased and like I said, every so often I'd think of it and get this stupid smile ... lol even now thinking about it, it's making me smile. I love him a lot and knowing he loves me the same way …
/r/ExRedPill05/05/19 01:56 PM
3

Oh. I'd probably be very happy about it. And flattered. Maybe a bit nervous, in case they intend to rush things or pressure me into marriage before I'm ready, but if I trusted them I wouldn't be very worried about that. Honestly... I'd probably be very happy and be thinking about it and smiling to myself for days afterwards. Feeling loved is a great feeling.
/r/ExRedPill05/05/19 01:31 PM
3

What situation? Having an intimate conversation..? I guess I would have enjoyed the conversation and been happy it happened and not really thought about it anymore. If he mentioned any insecurities I'd try to remember them so I could avoid teasing him about them and hurting him accidentally.
/r/ExRedPill05/05/19 12:33 PM
3

If she's lying, that's not something you can control. You either trust her, or you don't, and in this case I would trust her because she has given you no reason to NOT trust her. If everything seems great, it's probably great. Don't let other people's opinions spoil what you say is a fantastic relationship. For what it's worth, I'm a woman and I love the intimate conversations where we share emotions and dreams and insecurities and what might be called "beta stuff". Quite likely your girlfriend …
/r/ExRedPill05/05/19 10:13 AM
9

Honestly, even if you start crying during an argument, that's not a bad thing. Lots of women love a man who can express his emotions openly. When my husband cries all I want is to hold him and make him feel better, there is no judgement. I think you should start by looking at WHY you hate being emotionally expressive, and then maybe experiment a bit with expressing things in different (healthy) ways to see if you can find a way that's comfortable for you. For example, maybe you could try thinkin…
/r/ExRedPill18/04/19 06:29 AM
9

No, TRP is just wrong. Just because they have sources doesn't mean their sources are interpreting the evidence correctly. Here are some examples of reality that go against TRP ideology: I'm a woman. I love my husband, I make his life better through being with him. He loves me, and he makes my life better through being with me. Relationships are meant to be mutually beneficial and enjoyed by both parties. They are not about taking advantage of one another. There ARE toxic relationships, where the…
/r/ExRedPill07/04/19 04:40 AM
11

You're still falling into that trap of thinking all women are the same. This woman wasn't the right one for you. It's fine. Keep being yourself, keep being the person you want to be, and try again with someone else. You need to find someone who wants to receive the same level of affection that you want to give. I've had trouble with this too, most men don't want to receive the same level of affection that I want to give, but I've found a good partner now and I'm very happy. You need to find some…
/r/ExRedPill27/03/19 08:07 AM
5

That sounds so sweet, I'm really happy for you :)
/r/ExRedPill25/03/19 11:27 AM
23

It becomes unattractive when they're doing those things to BUY love. I think if you're just giving because you enjoy giving, it's fine. It's when you start to give to "even the score" or to make her "owe" you that it becomes unattractive. For example, if you shout at her, then you think "that was bad, -5 points to me" and so you buy her flowers and give yourself +10 points so you're coming out ahead, and you can even shout at her again now! Or if you buy her gifts because you want her to think "…
/r/ExRedPill25/03/19 10:59 AM
1

Let me rephrase, what do you think of women who are unattractive who only want sex with a guy they find attractive and lie to get it? Men don't need to do much to get sex either if they're attractive and have no standards.
/r/ExRedPill27/11/18 04:42 AM
1

I don't think most men only want sex, but I can understand how the ones that DO only want sex may become the ones who'll play games. If your only goal is sex and you'll do anything to get it, then it doesn't matter if other outcomes happen too (e.g. hurting your partner, compromising your ideals, lying, faking a personality, abusive behaviour...) What do you think of women who only want sex and will lie to get it?
/r/ExRedPill26/11/18 05:12 AM
1

I'm not sure that it's hypocritical to say "Men and women should engage in relationships with equal respect". Do you think YOU are hypocritical for wanting mutual respect when you engage in this modern world of superficiality? Knowing there is an ideal to work towards while also existing as imperfect is not hypocritical. Secondly, I'm not sure where you get it being 85% women's fault. If men didn't engage in this behaviour as well, those women wouldn't have anyone to date. I'd say it's at least …
/r/ExRedPill26/11/18 03:44 AM
4

What is the essence of this game? Is it possible to avoid this game: You want to be with someone, they dont want you. You dont want to be with someone, they want you. Game over. No part of that is a game, that's just reality. Not everyone wants you just because you want them (and vice-versa). It takes mutual attraction and interest to build a relationship. I can tell you that i have been avoiding the game all my life. but i can tell you that now that its much harder to be an alpha, the game is a…
/r/ExRedPill25/11/18 12:35 PM
5

women, in the very act of seeking men of social status, need to play endless social games. My point is that not all women ARE seeking men of social status... The ones that play the games are, and if you want to win, then TRP is the way to win, but it's a race to the bottom where any slip-up can destroy everything because everything you're building it on is fake to begin with. I suggest you don't play the game. You'll probably get rejected by the game-players, but that's what you WANT if you're l…
/r/ExRedPill25/11/18 11:00 AM
3

I think you're looking at the wrong women when you're looking to validate your viewpoints. Yes, there ARE women who will just use you for money. There are women who don't like being told no. There are women who are horrible people. They do play games and if you play their game right, you can get those women. These women are the ones TRP focuses on, because they are often unstable and easy to manipulate, which in the long run just damages them further and makes them ever more vulnerable. I strong…
/r/ExRedPill25/11/18 05:41 AM
7

I think you're confusing hookups and relationships. When women want to hook up with someone, yes they are often attracted to that dominant alpha-type guy (though of course there are exceptions, that's just a general trend). Those guys are seen as more likely to be sexually experienced and often more physically attractive, and if you're looking for a hookup or a short-term relationship, those are the things you want. (Most don't want children with a hookup.) When women want a long-term relationsh…
/r/ExRedPill09/11/18 04:54 AM
14

I love conditionally in that I will only love someone who I feel that strong connection with, with the connection built up over time, slowly developing into love. When I do love someone, I love unconditionally, in that I always want the best for the person I love, even if they hurt me and even if they do something bad that I disagree with. I attach conditions to being with someone, though, which I guess is sort of loving conditionally. e.g. If someone is abusive, I will choose not to stay with t…
/r/ExRedPill08/11/18 04:43 AM
8

Assault statistics are irrelevant. Rape statistics: 14% of women have been raped (not counting attempted rapes), 3% of men have been raped or had someone attempt to rape them. (RAINN) I don't think anyone should have to live in fear, but it definitely makes sense that women are more concerned about being raped than men are. A 20% weight difference is a huge difference, and makes a huge difference in the outcome of a fight. Not to mention height, strength, body composition, centre of gravity, and…
/r/ExRedPill05/11/18 05:16 AM
1

That's very thoughtful of you.
/r/ExRedPill12/12/17 02:00 PM
3

We all do stupid shit when we're young, don't worry about it. Use it as a learning experience to make sure you're a better person in future - that's what being young is about :) Making mistakes and becoming better. If you really want to talk to her, you could send her a message or something, but I wouldn't expect a reply. It sounds like your relationship didn't end well so she might be happier staying away.
/r/ExRedPill12/12/17 01:53 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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