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ishouldhaveacigar Archive

View 6 posts and 54 comments by ishouldhaveacigar on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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1

Yes. In their 20s.
/r/askMRP20/02/19 08:31 PM
1

All good points. I will say (and yes, I maybe partial) she has overcome a lot and achieved success in a lot of areas, not personally and professionally, despite the baggage. I’d definitely say there’s residuals from the baggage. That’s typically where shit goes south. Big shocker. I was damaged goods when we started dating, too. We both work hard on self improvement. I had a melt down two years ago and started reading MRP. I had a lot of work to do, obviously. But it couldn’t gotten a lot worse.…
/r/askMRP20/02/19 08:31 PM
1

Before I reply, I meant to say her two sons are out of the house.
/r/askMRP20/02/19 08:22 PM
1

I appreciate that. This makes me think. I’ll take heed to your suggestion. I’m being too hard on myself. I have a history of that. I’ve come a long ways (it was really bad). Some are dark. She has two sons from a her first marriage. Yes, I married a woman with baggage. I don’t wholeheartedly recommend it. They are fuck ups and I am the “bad cop” when it comes to them. She’s full of guilt and continues to enable them. I likely try to hard to steer how she manages herself with her two sons. Mama b…
/r/askMRP20/02/19 08:06 PM
1

I don’t think it matters if it’s vague or not. I have to handle my shit regardless of what going on with her. Explain to me why it’s important to point out being vague. I’m here learn.
/r/askMRP20/02/19 07:50 PM
1

Sex when I want it. She pursues me to. Good balance there. Not to mention she fucks like I want her to. She serves me and the marriage in a lot ways. She’s fun and exciting. Is down for whatever adventure I like and has great ideas of her own. She’s smart, driven, and successful. She defaults to me 98% percent the time. This says I can handle the easy shit, the first 98%. Yet, that last 2%, the hard shit, has exposed my weaknesses. That’s why I posted. These fights are few and far between are al…
/r/askMRP20/02/19 07:30 PM
1

Good insight. Thanks.
/r/askMRP20/02/19 04:01 PM
1

Sure. I can elaborate later as well. I’ve been thinking about writing a post about it. But then again, not sure sure how qualified I’d be at this point. Ha. But seriously, I have some good points. I view the premise of my post here two ways: I’ve built a strong frame in my two years of MRP, had a recent setback, and need to strengthen my frame. I’ve built a strong frame in my two years of MRP, discovered a chink in my frame through rare, but intense conflict (in which I failed recently), and nee…
/r/askMRP20/02/19 12:33 PM
2

https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/62awdg/a_practical_guide_to_building_frame/?st=JSD5USMT&sh=026184ff Here’s a start.
/r/askMRP20/02/19 12:15 PM
2

I definitely need to give less fucks. The general consensus here is that I need to strengthen my frame.
/r/askMRP20/02/19 11:48 AM
1

Agree. Now focusing on restrengthening my frame.
/r/askMRP20/02/19 11:46 AM
1

Then you don’t understand it.
/r/askMRP20/02/19 11:38 AM
1

Great post. Saved it.
/r/askMRP20/02/19 03:28 AM
1

Yep. I got cocky and complacent. I improved my frame relatively well, yet lately I’ve relapsed. Same with passing shit tests and leading. Thanks for the feedback.
/r/askMRP20/02/19 02:47 AM
1

Good points. I was doing pretty damn good, but I’ve taken too many steps back. This is a hard, useful lesson.
/r/askMRP20/02/19 02:45 AM
1

Heard.
/r/askMRP19/02/19 11:20 PM
2

This simple and very important to remember. Thanks for this.
/r/askMRP19/02/19 09:31 PM
1

If she has only known you as a beta provider her head cannot get around the fact that 'you have changed' and she is lashing out at you due to her insecurity. I guess I thought that after 2 years this would be different. So, either it take much longer or I have to step it up big time. No one wants to walk on eggs around their partner with feelings of inadequacy. I hate to admit it, but this hits home. Time to turn this shit around and lead.
/r/askMRP19/02/19 08:22 PM
2

I'm using this.
/r/askMRP19/02/19 08:21 PM
1

She, you, and all of us know that you aren't going to do shit. Fix that. I needed to hear this. I needed to hear all of this. But I've had that mentality lately at the expense of my frame.
/r/askMRP19/02/19 08:17 PM
2

Appreciate that. I needed my head to pop out of my ass.
/r/askMRP19/02/19 08:08 PM
1

Thanks for reminding me of that. Gotta strengthen my frame. No question.
/r/askMRP19/02/19 08:05 PM
1

It has the feel of an impasse. She says I expect her to be perfect. I’ll admit I hold her to a high standard, though I don’t expect perfection.
/r/askMRP19/02/19 06:59 PM
1

Redpillbrigade17 Good point. She doesn't well in a lot of areas. Just when shit gets hard for her, she goes in survival mode. The good outweighs the bad. I do well 98% of the time. Sometimes a fail. This is something that's recently been exposed and I'm trying to figure it out.
/r/askMRP19/02/19 06:11 PM
2

Read the fucking sidebar. You’re about to fuck up a marriage and you’re going to do so on the premise of some side pussy. You’re not even trying. Based on what you posted, you haven’t even considered the potential you have with creating a killer marriage. This isn’t leading; this is dragging your woman through the mud after you failed her.
/r/MarriedRedPill17/02/19 10:36 PM
4

Yes, definitely not a good idea to talk about fight club. While passing this level of shit tests have made me more confident, I would have rather not have that to deal with. Nonetheless, swallowing the Red Pill and applying its strategies has elevated me to another level, and my marriage just happens to be benefiting from it.
/r/askMRP23/12/18 07:28 PM
11

My wife actually told me about MRP. Yea, I was so pathetic that she suggested it. Of course, I’m glad she did, and I’ve been transforming for about two years now. I certainly agree that, as a general suggestion, we should not tell our women about the pill. My wife knows about it, and she has definitely used her knowledge of it to elevate her shit testing abilities. My wife is a Reddit enthusiast and still lurks the red pill subs. Soon after I realized the value of “Don’t talk about fight club”, …
/r/askMRP23/12/18 01:32 PM
1

This sounds like CT Fletcher took the red pill.
/r/MarriedRedPill13/12/18 01:38 AM
1

If I HAD to summarize MRP, and what it’s done for me, it’s that it’s taught me that how I have a choice on how I respond to life, and how I respond is the most important thing. There are many factors that can improve my responses, and that’s what the sidebar is for. Alpha and beta traits are not something that’s practiced; it’s what drives us. It’s what propels us forward unto our path. It is where things come from. This concept is similar to the concept of frame control in the sense that it is …
/r/MarriedRedPill23/08/18 02:21 PM
3

Life, itself, is unmanageable. As prepared as we try to make ourselves for what’s to come over the horizon, there will always be some new situation or circumstance with which we have to assess and determine what, if any, action we will take. I look at the tools I learn here in MRP as “guiding principles”. These principles will always reveal which direction is best for me (or at least which way is clearly worst). Many of these principles primarily serve as stool to remove distractions. Distractio…
/r/MarriedRedPill17/08/18 01:39 PM
1

Your point is worth adding to the original post. descriptive thought exercise here ... not prescriptive. This is great to help analyze what you're seeing in your relationships, but if you seek to make the Halo Effect happen in a particular person, then you're doing it wrong. I agree. Many of my clients think they need to process their past experiences to the fullest before they are able to move forward. I really don't have that approach. I get them to understand that the primary value of looking…
/r/MarriedRedPill25/06/18 02:37 PM
6

I appreciate men improving themselves. The world needs more good men. Keep it up!
/r/MarriedRedPill25/06/18 12:12 PM
1

Sounds like you two deserve each other. Yea, she likely needs to go, but what are you going to change? You get rid of her and let another girl take your balls? There are so many things the veterans here could break down for you, but I’ll agree with the most common suggestions you’re likely to see: Read the sidebar, lift, and STFU.
/r/MarriedRedPill24/06/18 11:32 PM
2

I get it. You have an excellent point. It should be noted that I have never smoked cigarettes. I only occasionally smoke cigars. I understand the health risk and, according to my doctor, I live quite a low risk lifestyle regarding my health. I don’t drink. I don’t do drugs. My diet is on point. Exercise and workouts are on point. I’ll allow room that guilty pleasure. My point remains the same whether it’s cigars or any other interest I have within reason. I do it because I want to. Furthermore, …
/r/MarriedRedPill24/06/18 08:32 PM
2

My body of work is essentially my day to day behavior and its value. When my body of work is good, I’m passing shit test regularly, consistently holding frame, walking my own path, owning my shit, taking care of what needs to be done around the house, doing well with my job, engaging in a positive social life, and being an oak. I don’t understand your second statement.
/r/MarriedRedPill24/06/18 04:01 AM
7

Assuming you are implying that I may be wasting my emotional capital on an unnecessary barrier to intimacy, I am not lacking in that area. If my body of work was outstanding and she still was not fond of the smell, I would take further measures to manage that. Furthermore, this possible “barrier” happens infrequently. Anyway, there is fishing, building hot rods, woodworking, or many other hobbies or interests that can cause smells or things she doesn’t like. Does this create barriers to intimacy…
/r/MarriedRedPill24/06/18 12:11 AM
1

I guess I don’t truly understand what a troll is. Ha. Your comments on self image make sense to me. I actually think part of the transformation I’m making has a lot to do with my self image. I can already see some positive changes. However, by being able to see some changes in my self image I’m also able to see where more changes to my self image need to take place. Thanks for your feedback. I’ll check out those books.
/r/askMRP16/02/18 11:48 AM
1

Thanks. Good examples. Definitely not starting from zero.
/r/askMRP16/02/18 11:42 AM
1

I hear you. My self-esteem has been shit most of my life. I’ve accomplished a good bit. However, my confidence vacillates. I think it is because I fail to see just how high my value is. I often realize I’m much more capable of success once I’ve achieved something. Also, I’m noticing I do a lot of things very well, but I don’t look for reference points that allow me to see how high my value is. In other words, I don’t have the greatest insight regarding what my value is, so I tend to default to b…
/r/askMRP16/02/18 02:26 AM
1

Sounds like the answer is to be consistent with my application of RP and don’t take myself too seriously. Keep chugging along and the results will come. My path is becoming clearer everyday...even when it doesn’t seem like it.
/r/askMRP16/02/18 02:07 AM
2

Thanks. I do get too serious. I have read that book, and it’s great. I’ll recall what I learned from the book. Thanks again.
/r/askMRP16/02/18 12:41 AM
1

Nice story! I have experienced the ‘calmness’ you spoke of, as well as the fear of slipping back into your ways. I think one of my weaknesses is still Oneitis. I’m much better, but I still fight myself ‘fighting’ for my wife. This struggle is the hardest when I find myself trying to connect with her emotionally when she’s in an emotional crisis. It’s as if my well-being is not as important as her’s, and the shit tests I run into are spawned from that. I struggle to pass those shit and I find mys…
/r/MarriedRedPill14/02/18 08:16 PM
5

Seems like she’s read more of the sidebar than he has. Hell, my wife is a fucking mental ninja; I’ve learn that being the prize vital to my well-being. Progress is the goal. What made me the prize yesterday might not make me the prize today.
/r/askMRP14/02/18 12:45 PM
2

Sounds like you see your GF as the prize. You should see yourself as the prize.
/r/askMRP14/02/18 12:36 PM
2

I think my work and behavior speaks for itself, along with being consistent with it. I would say that it takes an added level of IDGAF combined with a shit ton of assertiveness (see WISNIFG). It possibly ups the shit tests to a degree. Furthermore, being able to connect with her is a skill that has served me well. I wish I saw more on here about the book, The Way if the Superior Man. That book has helped tremendously. Know when to give a fuck. Be assertive and consistent. Pass shit tests. Connec…
/r/MarriedRedPill13/02/18 03:49 PM
2

I would recommend reading it for the sake of having some direction regarding how you want your LTR to respond to your leadership.
/r/MarriedRedPill13/02/18 01:51 AM
3

Mindfulness, really. I’m pretty good at reading people’s emotions (and my own), but I lacked the ability to effectively combine reading emotions and maintain frame. I understand operant conditioning, but applying it through the lens that RP gives has been some next level shit. I’m a behavioral therapist, not a cognitive behavioral therapist. CBT works, but you don’t need the C for the B to work. So the idea of targeting behavior instead of a woman’s thoughts, feelings, words, etc. has made this …
/r/MarriedRedPill13/02/18 12:20 AM
1

Not to one-up you, but my wife actually told me about MRP. I was basically told that makes it more pathetic that my wife had to show me something like this and it took the ‘internet’ to change my life. I looked at it as an added challenge; not only did I begin a major transformation to a leader, I had to do so on a way that still commanded respect in spite of ‘having to learn how to be a man from the internet’.
/r/MarriedRedPill12/02/18 10:27 PM
1

There are a lot great experiences to read about here. Using what I gather from reading the posts here help give me direction and helps to clear my vision.
/r/MarriedRedPill12/02/18 10:20 PM
2

Seems as though RP can be applied in all sorts of scenarios.
/r/MarriedRedPill12/02/18 09:41 PM
4

Yea, posting is new territory, so I’ll get better. Thanks for pointing that out. I have my head above water; now I have to learn to swim.
/r/MarriedRedPill12/02/18 08:37 PM
1

What I get from this is the idea that frustration is caused from less than optimal outcome of a situation due to the lack of applying enough creativity. OP sounds like he’s not an idiot, and did some things quite well in this situation. I will not ‘recognize the part I played in it’ and accept it’s all my fault. Fault and blame are almost useless here. I would say that it’s about taking responsibility. You clearly handled the situation relatively well, and you appear to seeking growth. I think w…
/r/askMRP11/02/18 01:55 PM
1

Seems to make sense. I can see where I've started to practice that. Thanks.
/r/MarriedRedPill06/07/17 04:19 PM
1

I'm also wondering if his response is an attempt to be assertive or what. I notice that sometimes when I'm trying to be assertive, I tend to over compensate and I actually just end up being a jerk or simply saying some dumb shit. I get that being an asshole should be incorporated into game at times, but it seems that being an asshole while practicing assertiveness could be counterproductive, IMO. I could be wrong; that's why I'm asking.
/r/MarriedRedPill06/07/17 01:12 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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