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itonlyhappenstwo Archive

View 4 posts and 45 comments by itonlyhappenstwo on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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3

Based on the facts and information you shared, it seems like a terrible idea. The real questions are: What do you believe about it? And what are you appropriately going to do about it? What is the part of you, that is even asking the question, since you use her voice for the answers? There must be a part of you that does not like it, and give some voice to that for a while, beyond the fears, please. Thank you. PS. At least you had the courage to ask the question. Do not fear that you wasted nine…
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/22 08:51 PM
7

Here is the thing, for one, it seems you have a great deal of enjoyment in the time you are with your girls. Much of what occurs, is an illusion, an illusion of a marriage that will last forever, an illusion that our kids will be with us for all our lives, every minute. While I have seen some here talk about the gym and therapy, which are great; and I would add develop a purpose in the world. It could be volunteering, helping a neighbor, some kind of work. As much as you spend time and work for …
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/22 01:40 AM
1

Cool. My given name is Jonathan too. :)
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/22 06:58 PM
3

Amen to that. Great approach. Among other things, this is just sad. Sad, that people would misuse children, created by two parents, sad that our American legal system is allowing this, and more. You have the right approach: This is a test, this is only a test, the key being grow more patient, more calm, more resolute and if you are acting in love, do not ever give up. Understand you are dealing with a figurative monstrosity of another's creation.
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/22 05:11 PM
2

Great advocacy, and wonderful efforts. All appropriate pushes to fairness are great! You are right to see through people with a systemic view. Keep pushing for fairness and equality, no matter how hard and imperfect a process.
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/22 09:52 PM
1

10.9kMembers37Online You are really right about it affecting children for years, if decades. I consider it a multi-level process: 1) is the process you are doing to counteract the Alienation itself 2) is the stance you take that uplifts and inspires you the most. 3) The fact of extending love to your child(ren) cannot be fruitless. I developed sophisticated and appropriate ways to attack the alienation, which I would not recommend, without real training. Two, and with no guarantees of victory; o…
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/22 05:21 PM
2

Alienation of children is the equal and opposite of men who would physically abuse a woman; they are both horrific. My third video https://youtu.be/H4XQXDP--r4 makes an analogy between emotional abuse and oxygen, both invisible. Alienation, emotional abuse, other psychologically aimed actions are as destructive as any, albeit not fully understood by society. When I allude to deep challenges, within American society, I reference what I experienced, in terms of a psychopathic assault AND most pron…
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/22 03:40 PM
3

That seems like wonderful advice in tone. Especially for instance, #2, advocating keeping a clear head, and emotions as much as possible out of it. Me, I love #5 too, as far as rolling with it, and having that belief!
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/21 04:21 PM
1

You are right in saying stay calm, and from there figure out what you believe is reasonable. Do not yield from that in the mediation. Do not yield if they say they will go to court. Do not even yield, if you temporarily lose in court, as no matter how long it takes; reason will prevail!
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/21 10:43 PM
2

Terrific story. I love how you discussed spending $200,000 and it was worth every penny. That is the spirit. One of the silver linings that I allude to, is that we discover what is really important to us. Rather than have 1000 priorities, we have two or three. Your story and spirit is living testimony to that commitment. In a larger sense that is one of the lessons of the cruelty of parts of the current state of divorce for men. Way to inspire that spirit!
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/21 01:51 AM
2

LOL. The funny thing is, not funny though; it is a true story! Like, subscribe or constructively comment, as you can. Great of you to ask!
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/21 07:26 PM
2

Your courage is great in asking. This video was previously approved by moderators here for this subreddit. I responded because the post asked for "light" and a sense of overcoming adversity. My divorce/custody challenge as horrific as it was, was made three times worse by my family dynamic around it. This story unfolded over twenty-five plus years, and it all about how challenge becomes opportunity. There is BTW, a second video. https://youtu.be/e-fRDZ_BCCU
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/21 01:56 PM
5

Yes, there is truly is light. It resides in who we become, the strength to endure. The new challenges which shape us anew. I will not bore you with my six-minute animated video on this topic, unless you ask. Divorce is about awakening, it can be about growth and change for those who struggle to utilize it that way.
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/21 11:28 PM
2

What you have not shared is what your vision is? All things being equal, would you want as much parenting time or more than your ex? If you are saying she is at-fault and acting irrationally, what is the basis for her dictating terms? I agree you need to stand firm, and I would respectfully add, advocate assertively for what you desire.
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/21 08:21 PM
2

That is wonderfully reassuring. Most people are either aggressive or passive; this is where men need to learn to be assertive. I do coaching and training BTW. Be assertive about your points then. If your ex had an affair AND is being so irrational, make your points assertively and the key is if you do not win, then it is a reflection of the process not you. As your son, is involved the long game is mandatory as well!
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/21 08:54 PM
2

It sound nuts. The only thing that could support something that one-sided, is if there some forms of abuse allegations. As a word of caution to myself, we surely do not know all the facts. If there is not serious allegations of abuse on either side; sadly to say this is where patience comes in. There is an old adage about patience, being a bitter something and bearing the sweetest fruit. If you really believe you are right, AND there are not major extenuating issues, you will "man up" and ride i…
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/21 06:49 PM
2

Brilliant. I have battles that I have endured, even appropriately enjoyed for over twenty-five years. If something is important to you, you will find a way. Make your points, make them well. Holding your integrity is integral, and potentially leads to satisfaction, irrespective of today's outcome. Some things take lots of time, and your well-being is essential!
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/21 02:56 PM
6

You seem prepared. You have experience and know the points that you want to make. The only consideration, I would respectfully add to that; is recognizing when things are beyond your control. As much as it can seem that the whole world is wrapped up in this moment; it will pass. Make your points, make them well, and do not die in the fight!
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/21 01:52 PM
1

I must add a tiny bit. Compassion is warranted, when it is coming from strength i.e. not harming yourself, then it may not be compassion!
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/21 02:14 PM
1

My pleasure. It is a shifting of our mindset, towards beginning with the premise of being fair to ourselves, is not inherently unfair to the next person. We weren't raised to think that way, and the key is to do it calmly and even sincerely. Best of luck.
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/21 08:33 PM
3

Let us call it: The beast of divorce, hmmm...maybe dragon of divorce is better. Many people here are as I was the unequivocal nice guy; today, I still, if not more kind, and it is based on strength. Let me interject a word into the discussion: Insatiable. It can vary, from person to person, more so women; there is an insatiable quality to some in divorce. Let me tell you an anecdote, after nine years of separation and divorce; my ex-wife had introduced a false custody claim, seeking to dramatica…
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/21 08:01 PM
2

I am glad this helped. It is preparation for life in a way, you have not lived before. Picture those rodeo cowboys riding bulls. Ultimately they are stronger for it. although bulls are not my thing :) Having said that here is a link to my six-minute animated video. It shows in general, how much can be gained from challenge and turning it into opportunity. Please do not overly fear, calmly meet the challenge. https://youtu.be/e-fRDZ\_BCCU
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/21 02:32 AM
7

Let us start at the end: "our justice system makes no sense." Let us accept as a given; that current divorce and family court, can be harsh, unfair, even cruel in how its acting. Now what? Well actually let us also factor in that finances are extremely tight, and there is fear, and a sense of having thrown away money. What is your defining issue? IF your defining issue is your daughter, as my two kids were for decades, then you have not lost; you won by taking a stand for what you believe, on a …
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/21 01:40 AM
2

Very true. "Needing" a woman makes a man unnecessarily vulnerable on so many levels. Aim for relationships that are 50/50 from the start.
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/21 01:06 PM
1

Wonderful. This is true, you must hold on, hang in whatever it takes, I emphasize CALMLY. This is what loving your children is about. It could take days, weeks, and/or more likely it will take years. There was a recent story here, with a victory that took ten years. It does not matter, focus on calm, your growth, and maintaining your basic stance indefinitely. If you love your kids, as I trust you do; then fight appropriately for the right things now, and realize in situations like this, it can …
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/21 01:55 PM
1

Yes, it is true what you are saying and a thought or two. Sometimes people/men in this instance can be too trusting, and/or not knowing the legal quicksand that can exist in divorce matters. One can get on the wrong side of a situation, and not give up. True breakthroughs in the current climate, can easily take a decade, two, or more. It really is the nature of the potentially egregious nature of certain systems.
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/21 04:33 PM
2

That is a wonderful true story. Your themes of truth and never giving up, are key. When you believe in yourself, when you believe in what is truly best for your children those become the issues of your life. My scenario unfolded over a twenty-five year period, and appropriately speaking I am still standing. :)
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/21 08:53 PM
1

Wonderful, stuff like that is worth it. It jumped out that it might be interesting. My own view is that "her" aside; for you, you basically want to reach a point, where relationships truly are 50/50. You get back as much as you put forth. It is a matter of self-worth, to believe that you deserve this, based on how you indicated she was relating to you. Developing what I call in my life and work, that inner strength; so that for your OWN good, you only want to be in healthy situations. As others …
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/21 09:17 PM
2

You asked for a book. Going back to my post-separation/divorce and then later custody days: During the initial time, I did an enormous amount of self-help, retooling, spiritual work reading and development. One really challenging book was "Healing your aloneness: Finding love and wholeness through your inner child." If you take it to heart, it is so challenging, because it actually asks you to write with your off hand(left for most of us), a bunch of stuff, which I did for six months. It is a jo…
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/21 06:25 PM
2

A wonderful perspective. It is our challenges and hard times, that with our patience and perseverance, strength us, and as you indicate move one to a higher level. Especially the amazing line that "marriage is a beautiful thing but so is divorce in some ways..." Thank you.
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/21 08:06 PM
2

Wonderful ending. That is the spirit "don't you deserve better?" Good luck in your process!
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/21 08:38 PM
1

You are right, the system can act rigged, and I was responding to your original question, as to why men can be more vulnerable.
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/21 06:58 PM
3

There is an adage along the lines, not applicable to every situation, potentially useful here: "Do the thing you fear most." What is positive about your statement is recognizing your legitimate likes and dislikes. Not wanting to be in a situation, where you do not feel appreciated. Respectfully, please consider as you like, what is it about being alone, that makes you lonely? What understanding can you develop from that and prospectively learn to love yourself a little more, after all you sound …
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/21 06:13 PM
3

Good morning Funny/Wolverine, Yes, in a positive sense you are right there are picture of men being the "protector" and providing for a family, which while evolving deeply, still has a good feeling to it. I say, what I am about to say, in the most loving and encouraging sense. There is also an element of emotional weakness, let me not just throw it out there, twenty-five years ago, I had it. It is more about hinging our entire identity on the family and "providing" and a dependency if you will o…
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/21 11:03 AM
1

Good morning pegleg_legal, Thank you for your question. To me, based on what I consider the more than twenty-five years of an abusive situation, which I used as a crucible to, as the video indicates to turn my life from coal into diamond, I would say appropriately is a few things. One is learning the challenging path, towards being the "third way;" which in layman's terms would be, being neither aggressive nor passive, but being assertive. I use this word in a loving sense for the men of this fo…
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/21 10:45 AM
3

It is good that he shared with you. Yes, it is sad and a massive change, and much challenge. And I would add, please do not blame yourself incessantly for the "marriage failing." Sure there is blame to go around. The silver lining if you will; is that you point to an area of vulnerability for men in relationships/divorce. Part of the reason, men can get steamrolled emotionally, financially and legally, is because at times, we fear losing the relationship more than the woman does. Over many years…
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/21 07:37 PM
0

In posting this video, first I will say I am thankful to the moderator(s) for approving its posting. Second, I was moved by the depth of discussion in this subreddit, and believe I have relevant experience. My experience, is different than that of strict legal advice and stuff, so I support those notions of "talk to a lawyer." And I will add, that to me, much of it boils down to mindset; in that gear yourself, you are facing a horrifically unfair situation. Your challenge/opportunity is to devel…
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/21 02:01 PM
1

-Be thankful that your boss came to you and shared information. Mostly what Tomo and LeastWinter are guiding is true: Focus on yourself. If you know what your ex, is saying about you is untrue, than double-down on faith in yourself. You mention "ready to fight;" and there are such things as worthy fights. Double-check also that this is one of those. There may be other ways for the main "fight" with respect to doing your job well for one. Also potentially reaching out to a co-worker or two to aff…
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/21 07:32 AM
2

Wow, that is wonderful advice, from Henrysmyagent. It is important to convey that love and quality time. Much of life in reverse has taught me the key nature of those early years; so it will add up. And also, to remember that is truly for the long haul, through whatever circumstances arise. Come up with a basic position and/or stance that you believe in AND can live with, and stick with it. Recognizing that you will have to roll with the punches and stuff, in actually keeping with it. Believe in…
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/21 06:16 PM
2

Thank you. As painful as it is to consider, it is a journey that changed me and can change most of us, for the better!
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/21 01:58 PM
3

Congratulations for a milestone. Every success, no matter how small or large needs be celebrated. I only wish to affirm that sense of getting through it. A lot of this stuff, is ancient history to me, although the battle unfolded over a more than twenty year period. Your statement about "keep yourself healthy" is wonderful. For those going through it, you must hone yourself. Rather than thinking of 1000 things, as we often do. You must see yourself as, in the battle of your life. Positively spea…
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/21 01:33 PM
2

It is great of you to acknowledge that your "wife is a great parent." It is also wonderful to acknowledge quitting drinking and weed, in this forum. To present yourself as someone, who was not perfect, and has significantly upped their game, when it comes to being involved with their children is great. As EmergencyHumble stated: "Remain calm." Don't get sucked into unnecessary conflict; represent your role as a father to the very best of your ability, no more, no less. Peace.
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/21 09:32 PM
2

There is nothing wrong to stand for what you believe. The key is to do it appropriately and as calmly as you can. Maybe say, you would like to be as involved in your child's life as possible. Advocate for 50/50 and remain flexible. Staying calm and involved is crucial!
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/21 04:17 PM
1

I agree with the general tenor of the comments, in terms of being assertive, which BTW, is not aggressive, nor passive. If the facts are as you describe them: 1) Not yet divorced; 2) paying the bills; 3) Quick cohabitation on her part, then it is appropriate to take action. You do not make clear, if there is an agreement of any kind in place. I encourage you, to consider approaching the court. If you are as innocent, or nearly so, :) as you represent than her actions, respectfully speaking look …
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/21 11:38 AM
0

Hmmm...interesting, what part sounds "cultish?"
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/21 12:44 AM
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