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itoocouldbeanyone Archive

View 0 posts and 237 comments by itoocouldbeanyone on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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6

It’s an amazing feeling when things are healthy. It felt strange for a few months. Waiting for the drama to unfold. Still no drama. Glad my own reflection and help in therapy got me where I’m at now.
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/25 04:02 PM
7

I’m not a lawyer. Like the other said, it’s mixed so probably messed up. Unless the wife isn’t fighting share of finances. Confused why you put a mil into joint checking? At the most I would’ve added 12 months worth of bills and leave it at that until the next year. Thats a lot of cabbage to not get interest.
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/25 07:16 PM
5

Good luck…
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/25 11:59 PM
2

Finding someone that matches your vibe helps too. OP, you got this. Time, boundaries and knowing exactly how you want to about the relationship and finding someone who doesn’t stone wall it makes a world of difference.
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/25 03:15 AM
9

My ex had divorced friends. Everyone else dealt with the worst. I was just boring and being a father and adult wanting to save money. Now she encourages others to get divorced, etc… 🙄
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/25 03:01 PM
1

I shaved once with a razor and I am surprised there were no accidents. Never again. I didn't care for the itching when hair was growing back in. DeWal hair trimmer with 1 or 2 guard. EZPZ, just some adjustments with the sack to get the right angles and some squatting. It's not super smooth, but it's really fucking nice for not having to worry.
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/25 06:41 PM
1

Support monthly. 50/50, so I’ll also provide extras. If it’s outside of my house (events, school stuff, sports), ex and I will go half on the cost.
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/25 02:25 PM
2

You’re welcome. I was in therapy too before it for non marriage reasons. So glad I had that in place prior. It really helps when there’s so much in this process you want to get off your chest.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/25 09:23 PM
2

It will be stressful and a bunch of other things. My biggest pain was the first moments that were new, not family oriented. Time is your friend. Keep busy. Consult a lawyer, find out what the outlook is amicably. Aim for that. Go to therapy, start setting boundaries. You must fight your muscle memory of being her husband when talking, etc... Think of her as a stranger. Only interact if it progresses the process, be civil and stick to the facts of the matter.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/25 08:58 PM
8

I hope she has a good life, so that it doesn't effect our kids as they grow up in a 50/50 custody childhood. Beyond that, I couldn't care less. I just don't want anything rolling down hill, affecting my kiddos.
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/25 01:33 PM
3

That's exactly what I did. If I moved out when she wanted, I guarantee the agreements, equity payout, etc... would still be unsolved almost a year later. Stand your ground OP. Find out what you're entitled too, discuss / agree on what will be split and get custody straightened out. Get agreements signed and then move out.
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/25 03:00 PM
7

Therapy. Get it. I surprisingly dated not long after I moved out, halfway through the separation process. I attribute that to therapy, as when I started wondering if I was good to take that next step. It was confirmed that I should by my therapist. Albeit, my experience is different than yours. So I am farther removed from my ex. Regardless, therapy was key.
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/25 12:29 PM
4

My in laws still help me with stuff without me asking. It’s left me perplexed. Maybe cause I’m the father of their grandchildren. They were also upset initially when my ex told them she was gonna divorce me. Probably cause I was the filter to do everything for their daughter and now it’s back on them lol It’s nice, don’t get me wrong but def not what I expected. I still keep things close to the chest to be safe.
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/25 12:14 PM
26

Telling the kids was brutal for me. She was stone cold emotionless towards the kids and their questions. My respect for her died that day.
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/25 04:12 AM
12

I use ‘[kid’s name]’s Mom’
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/25 12:20 AM
10

Mine did that. But forced me via grey rock method to say let’s get separated. Wanted me out instantly and was shocked I consulted a lawyer after she wanted it to be amicable. I had to get the agreements rolling. Doing most of the leg work. Refused to leave until they were signed with 50/50 custody. It’s been over a year. She still hasn’t filed. DONT LEAVE UNTIL YOU’RE PROTECTED! There’s no incentive with these select few that want things done but put no effort into finalizing it after they get w…
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/25 11:30 AM
3

Boxed up somewhere. It’s meteorite/ dinosaur bone, custom made so not like I could pawn it.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/25 11:46 PM
7

We were 50/50 and just wrote up our agreements, got a lawyer to write it up and signed. She bought me out of the house, joint savings split, kept our retirement and I got paid before I moved out Do nothing until things are discussed, agreed upon and signed with at least a consultation with a lawyer before the pen touches the paper.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/25 08:09 PM
10

Bang someone else. Not your soon to be ex wife.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/25 03:58 PM
7

This makes it my exw’s second divorce, my first. It was amicable and I still REFUSE to do it again. Fuck that noise. I’m not even planning on living with another partner.
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/25 12:57 AM
5

Gotta build a bridge and get over it. It sucks but it’s out of your control. My ex’s partner drops the kids off at my place sometimes. Just be cordial, don’t negatively talk about the person around your son. Focus on your kid when it’s your time. That’s the best one can do.
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/25 02:43 PM
1

I'm in a no fault state and we had it in our separation agreements. There's language in it that the lawyer said the courts may change if they deem fit. I can only speak from my experience. Haven't been told otherwise in a sense that we should worry.
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/25 12:03 AM
3

Equally split everything or equally pick and choose. Mine was amicable 50/50. We split savings and equity on the house but kept our own retirement and investments to ourselves.
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/25 04:53 PM
8

Hell to the no. That’s not amicable, unless she things being amicable is giving her whatever outlandish request she proposes.
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/25 02:38 PM
6

Child needs their own space. I’m not sure what the housing market looks like for you. I bought a house instead of renting because rent was far higher than a mortgage.
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/25 08:12 PM
3

We make close to the same, 50/50 and she covers health insurance. Under $200 a month.
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/25 07:25 PM
2

I’m a year past separation. My own home, see the kids 50/50, doing well at work and dating a wonderful person who gets me, understands my life boundaries. No complaints other than I need more money. Single income is super tough right now. Hopefully I get a promotion within a year.
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/25 01:35 PM
2

I know I’d say no to it. Living together as well even. There is no positive outside of taxes for getting married. I have kids, a house that’s my own. There is no rush to repeat a younger person’s life goals.
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/25 01:36 PM
1

We were amicable so we just kept it as is. I paid mine off early to get the title in my name. Your best course of action. Have who gets what in the agreement. Refinance into your own names. If you suspect it would go sideways.
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/25 04:37 PM
1

It’s very popular. I got lucky in the process. So I’m not complaining now. It was a blessing in disguise.
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/25 01:25 PM
1

Only sign a quitclaim IF a lender is requiring it with proof that you are separating and confirmation that they will cut you a check of X dollars. Or however it’s being split between you two. My ex owned the house, my name on it after marriage. I got 50% of the equity since marriage and the amount exceeding the house value from marriage to separation date. DO NOT SIGN ANYTHING WITHOUT CONSULTING A LAWYER. A separation agreement is the FIRST step to get anything done with the house.
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/25 06:58 PM
3

Thank you. I’m almost a year into it and my life is night and day difference as compared to when I was lining everything up to handle the separation and moving on. Days are tough co parenting at times. Could be much worse. But some days. It’s fucking grand.
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/25 02:21 AM
2

I'm already big on staycations. I kind of feel guilty if I waste it on that, as it's a regular quarterly thing lol I might consider the stay in a city and walk around and just eat apps and a few drinks here or there. Thanks!
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/25 02:53 PM
3

I’m trying to think of a place to go when I have 4 days off in a few months, kid and work free. All I can think of is a road trip to some randomly known food place or some. Feels unexciting.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/25 01:14 AM
7

She moved on super fast, someone she just met is practically living with her now, while I've been taking things slow, while also being with someone. I just try to ignore it. Unless it effects my kids, idgaf. I know the shitty things this new person will have to deal with. Not my problem anymore. I'm not gonna go pain shopping. It's over, good riddance.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/25 01:58 PM
3

My ex wanted me out before agreements were ever drafted. Nope. Make the docs, sign them, pay me and then I’m out.
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/25 04:24 PM
20

It took about two weeks for me to be disgusted by my ex. To see her for who she was. I still can’t even look her in the face. Everything about her annoys me. We made some great kids, other than that, what the hell was I thinking.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/25 01:10 AM
5

Only way I’m having more kids is if my partner has kids of her own. I’m snipped and I’m done creating more.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/25 07:26 PM
9

Furnish slowly. Get the basics for every day, then think on more. I left a marriage where the house was always cluttered and in disarray. I’m anti big things and what not. My new home is slowly becoming mine. Ask for your kid’s input and decision making for stuff in shared spaces. Helps them get comfortable too with the change. I made one side of my living room for all my kids creations to hang up. Not everything, but all of their best drawings and what not.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/25 02:41 AM
3

It’s a moral clause but very difficult to have it enforced. I tried, she avoided it. A few months after moving out she had a new partner, I met them before the kid and they practically live there now. Ignore it. Only pay attention to how they treat your kids. If it’s negative, only then do you make it an issue.
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/25 12:42 PM
3

I was so thankful I was in therapy before my marriage ended. Already had a step up on my reactions and how to take time to breathe and process before responding.
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/25 12:27 PM
17

She showed you who she truly is. Believe her. I'd take a hard pass on this if I were you.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/25 10:44 PM
14

I’m only friendly when it involves the kid. She hates the boundaries I’ve set. Thinks I’m an asshole because I don’t respond to non emergency texts right away. That I’m direct. That I take time to think on things. She also is dumbfounded that I moved on and not super friendly with her new partner. Some people, I swear,
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/25 04:09 PM
2

The start is the worst. Trust me when I say that time is your friend. Reflect, get therapy, start lining up your ducks in a row. Before you know it, you’ll be on the other side of it.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/25 07:21 PM
3

Nope. A smidge more than her. Somewhat comparable in salaries. She just wanted out. Later, it was confirmed I was lacking a vagina. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/25 12:56 PM
3

$600ish. Amicable process that we split the total cost 50/50, includes my two consultations, hers and agreements worked up by her lawyer. I wanted to only pay for mine at one point but figured it could’ve been worse.
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/25 04:11 AM
6

You'll trust again. You'll get through this stronger and when you've healed. You will reflect and hopefully through therapy too get to a point where you'll know how to filter out bad people. Remember, she's not every woman. It just takes a bad one to knock some sense into us when we move on to a better life without them (the ex).
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/25 09:06 PM
2

I just ignore it. Talk smack all you want, won’t offend me cause I know I’m not that. I see it as a filter. That’s not my vibe.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/25 08:52 PM
1

For real. I didn’t move until all logistics were done. I knew if I moved out when she wanted me too, where would the urgency to get agreements and payment done? Nowhere, cause I would’ve been out of the house. Get back in the house, OP. She’ll drag her feet forever currently.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/25 03:46 PM
3

My stbx asked and who got the ball rolling on making a spreadsheet and document to begin separation agreement? She wanted me out before anything was done. Me. Something I was used to doing in our marriage. Guess what? That was the last time I had to do that. I left after things were signed and I got paid. Focus all your energy to get this done as painlessly as possible.
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/25 09:37 PM
2

So many red flags missed on my part. So many faults of my own stubbornness that didn't help either. Never doing that again. Finally in my mid life, I have realized what I want and need. Thankfully there's no pressure for marriage or kids, so I feel that helps immensely to just take things slow and enjoy life. I found someone that I'm casually dating, no red flags, no rush to label things. Just enjoying life while vibing really well. The divorce was such a blessing in disguise.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/25 02:48 PM
2

I hear that man. I spent 6 months under the same roof.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/25 01:46 AM
8

My ex bought new underwear and kept toys that I bought her that she never used with or without me. “I have needs” she said. Funny how that wasn’t present when I voiced my frustrations before she ended things. You’ll get through this. It’s so much better on the other side.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/25 01:11 AM
5

It took a while, but fuck yeah. I’m loving life.
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/25 04:04 AM
11

Red flag. She should be excited the time you spend with them. Asking how it’s going, what fun things are going on, positive comments about missing you. If it’s insecure, negative in a way. That’s not good.
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/25 01:46 PM
4

Since right before I moved. I started tracking every single expense, balance, due date. Everything. Categorized monthly too. That’s helped me so much. I’m a homebody single dad so the other stuff is a great idea, just not applicable for me.
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/25 10:45 PM
1

10 months into separation. I am the happiest I’ve ever been in my life. She gave me a damn gift asking for this amicable divorce. Can’t wait to sign the papers. I sleep great. My kids love our house and seeing me weekly. I love life and I’m getting things I missed out on for 11+ years.
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/25 02:53 PM
1

I adhere to half my age + 7.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/25 08:40 PM
2

As silly as it sounds. A pregnancy / body pillow helped me get by. Nothing sexual. Just the feeling of holding onto something when sleeping. Putting myself in social situations, or just people watching at a restaurant / bar with my kindle while nursing a drink or two and a meal. Made some friends that way too. Which helped in social ways.
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/25 07:03 PM
4

She still saw her kid and got her gift lol Usually has Mother’s Day to herself to relax so I wasn’t perturbed by it. Offered as a nice gesture just in case.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/25 01:45 PM
1

It’s not even finalized. She had me meet her SO before my kids did. I bit the bullet. Wasn’t bad, cause I don’t care for my ex. She’s gonna do what she’s gonna do. At least she went someone responsible about it.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/25 03:08 AM
9

I help my kids make something. Offered extra time (she declined obviously).
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/25 03:05 AM
5

Trust your gut, don’t ignore red flags and never expect a person to change. There is NEVER a rush to get married. Have a backbone and protect your peace with people that lift you up and vice versa.
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/25 02:31 PM
27

Follow the other advice too. I’d counter with by saying “I’ll give you the divorce you want. Quickly and painlessly. As long as it’s amicable with 50/50 custody”. Don’t budge. Good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/25 05:14 PM
13

You deserve better. Plan accordingly.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/25 11:16 AM
3

Therapy, my own space, non toxic company of others, and cuddles.
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/25 12:20 AM
2

I couldn’t even get my ex wife to go to a counselor. But she wanted to know what I would tell my therapist if it was about her, before I told my therapist. I just laughed. I can’t relate to the rest. I was the one wanting more time together and attention while I did it all. Then therapy I got a back bone. Then a separation by her. Now she has a girlfriend. Guess that explains our issues. It ended amicably and 50/50 coparenting well. Could’ve been worse. So much happier now.
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/25 01:51 AM
6

Lack of communication and or incapable of communicating effectively.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/25 11:19 PM
2

Wife initiated, wanted it amicable and for me to move out fast. I was on the deed. I did NOT move out until the following was done. Separation / Custody (50/50) agreement was done and signed. I was bought out and paid with X days after to move out. Which was stated in the agreement. Get consultations with lawyers, see what you need to do and can expect to give. I was VERY fortunate, left with my investments and 401k. Only had to split family savings 50/50. Vehicles were kept with who drove what …
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/25 02:37 AM
11

What in the absolute fuck? I gotta know. Were you in like a 15 year dry spell before hooking up with her? I dated someone with kids, was super young and in a dry spell. But I wasn’t in this kind of situation. If you don’t know your answer after typing ALL of that. We can’t help you lol
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/25 01:16 PM
1

I lost like 20lbs and it was an amicable surprise gut punch. I’m so sorry seeing others going through so much worse. You are right that it passes. It just feels like forever. Time moves rather slow at the beginning.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/25 02:52 AM
5

It’s tough and divorce is too. Feels like there might be some incompatibility. Definitely keep working on yourself. Don’t rush into the decision of divorce either.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/25 08:12 PM
1

Check list is basically what you listed. Anything shared, discuss and aim for 50/50. If you do split retirement, there’s some court form to do that so there’s no penalty. The name is lost on me. Regarding the kids. Discuss AND agree on all talking points and answers. Don’t have the talk until things are progressing forward. Once that cat is out of the bag I couldn’t imagine doing a reversal. No impact other than the news should affect the children.
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/25 08:19 PM
3

We were amicable and wrote up our agreements. 50/50 on family savings. Our retirement and investments were kept to ourselves. House equity was 50/50. Custody was 50/50 with me paying a smidge of CS per state calculator.
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/25 06:18 PM
9

This was me last summer. Sorry you’re going through this. Do what you need to do to get closure, but it’s self serving. She won’t change her mind and you’ll realize this is for the best. It hurts so much. Get therapy and start lining your ducks in a row. Don’t give anything beyond 50/50, make sure this is done amicably since she’s pressuring you to accept it. Consult a lawyer ASAP.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/25 02:41 PM
6

It's not easy. Simply ignoring her is the way to go. Focus on coparenting. If you have days already scheduled on when you are the primary caretaker, focus on that. When you're not, focus on yourself. Just don't pay any attention unless it involves the kids or the separation / divorce process. Do something, do anything for only yourself. It gets easier over time.
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/25 12:31 PM
10

Any positive role model in a kid's life is a welcomed one. He even specifically said that his child learned things that he wouldn't have taught him. It's not a replacement, but an addition. But maybe I'm biased. I had a step-father that provided things my bio dad did not. As long as you're an active parent in your kid's lives, no one else will be a threat. Just an added benefit.
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/25 03:23 PM
9

Congrats. I grew disgust towards her early on after she initiated. Thankfully before I moved out (6+ months, I wasn't leaving until everything was squared away and I was paid) she meant nothing to me other than being my kid's Mom. It feels so good and I'm appreciative that I reached that point before moving out and starting my new life. In addition to that along with therapy it felt like no time before I was ready to put myself out there.
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/25 03:13 PM
6

I think mine was influenced. She’s even trying to ‘save’ others to help them get divorced. I don’t have any resentment. Just laugh at stuff now. This was a blessing in hindsight, amicably done and coparenting well. I absolutely love my new life.
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/25 02:22 PM
2

It’s normal. You’re just feeling some FOMO. She showed who she really is, don’t ignore that. Be strong, you’ll get through this.
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/25 04:33 PM
1

They’re fine. Favor my place more for now I assume. Just cause it’s new. Only have problems if an event or plans impede on our days together. Thats few and far in between so far.
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/25 08:41 PM
6

I haven’t had a bad experience on there. Also, my divorce has been amicable so perhaps that’s kept me from certain topics that would give me a different view.
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/25 08:38 PM
1

Week on week off, with a swap in the middle for the other parent.
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/25 07:52 PM
15

It is nice. I’m still trying to get more comfortable. A new person is great and the vibe matches what I’ve been missing. But it’s also a smidge odd being with a new person. Damn nerves and mental hang ups.
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/25 03:59 PM
11

Nothing changed. Lessons were only learned. I know what type of person I want to have in my life now and what I need to do to avoid repeating past mistakes.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/25 05:51 PM
4

I was on the receiving end. No papers, it was a discussion and it sucked. But amicable when the feelings settled. Be prepared for feelings. You've had time to come to terms with it. She may not have (assuming she is unaware).
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/25 08:40 PM
3

Fight less and don’t get angry. It’s still new and not a serious relationship so far. However, comparing this time to the begging of my relationship with my ex wife. So many arguments and apologizing. Therapy has helped, compatibility is a prime reason why too.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/25 01:23 PM
0

You're not slow. I was complacent and didn't want to rock the boat. We all have our paths and the time it takes to figure it out is moot. You're here now, you know what you want. Get it.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/25 01:04 PM
4

I am. But have no qualms going younger, at a respectable age gap. I just want someone who matches my vibe during the day and at night. My marriage was a 10 year lesson on how important compatibility is.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/25 01:38 AM
7

I have a fwb that has been very helpful. Our vibes match and things I’m used to doing on my own, she offers to help and inquires about my headspace and stuff too. I can guarantee I’m not thinking of marriage. If anything, together and living separately is the goal.
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/25 12:26 PM
3

I realized i would gravitate towards false strong women. Bossy and demanding in a not healthy way. Therapy has helped me avoid that now.
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/25 02:40 PM
3

I'm one and done and thankfully got snipped while I was married.
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/25 07:57 PM
5

A serious relationship? Sure. My main boundary with that is that we live separate. I'm not looking for anything serious, if it happens it happens. I'm currently in a FWB type situation. Came out of nowhere. Open communication was a main goal when the friendship started, compatibility is really great and more came from that. I'm happy with that now as it's providing me with things I didn't realize until the separation started that I had been missing in my life and wished I had in my marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/25 07:55 PM
11

Not sure if it’s a trend. Mine initiated, I contributed to the downfall too. I just wish at the time she actually tried. But it was a blessing in the long run. I now know in whatever relationship I have next, what I need to do to prevent that from repeating.
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/25 07:20 PM
5

I wasn’t exhausted yet from changing myself for her and starved from the minimal amount of intimacy. I’m in a much better place now and around people who vibe well with who I actually am.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/25 07:28 PM
3

Congrats on the step up! Maybe just ask if it bothers her. If not, replace it with positive reinforcement and appreciation? Put that energy into something positive.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/25 03:11 AM
2

Are you and her compatible in bed? More so than your ex? How’s the communication? For me, I made sure this person was more compatible in areas that I was starving from with my ex. I still have bouts of anxiety, but she levels me out. Just spit balling. If she’s a step up and it’s healthy. Dive in man, initiate and get vulnerable if you feel safe around her.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/25 02:03 AM
3

I can participate but damn it, the finish line is non existent. Thankfully I’ve communicated nerves and all of that. It’s tough (but still fun) being with a new person. Thinking time is the only factor right now for me. Dude, if you’re depressed. Get therapy if you’re not. Saying whatever, judgement free is so relieving.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/25 01:22 AM
3

I barely lasted 6 months. I couldn’t imagine going longer. Amicable, she initiated. YMMV
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/25 04:13 PM
5

Mine eluded until I gave in. Then I’m the one getting the agreements (amicable) writing up to give her lawyer. Cause her only concern was to get me out and not do any work. The latter being a great example of our marriage. I feel for whomever ends up with her. Hope they like doing all the work.
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/25 03:21 AM
6

Got my kids today, got them flowers and cookies. Mutual family friend will be hanging out while the kids play. Nothing romantic. Just chill.
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/25 07:43 PM
12

We talking just two of them or kids involved. The latter, I’ll do it. I don’t want her back, I’m there for my kid. If the former. Fuck that dumb shit.
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/25 04:25 AM
9

The lack of wanting to try to fix things. The audacity that they said they tried. Their lack of communication. Of course bread crumbs here and there won’t set off alarm bells.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/25 01:10 AM
3

Those first few weeks are brutal. Get your affairs in order. Work towards getting the separation going. You’ll find it becomes easier through each day, but the first moments of a new life that’s not the norm you’re accustomed to can knock the wind out of you. Remember to breathe. Tomorrow will come.
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/25 05:18 PM
6

I wouldn’t and we coparent well. But we are all different. A Valentine’s Day gift is to me, something filled with love and emotions. She lost access to that part of me when pressuring me into a divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/25 03:50 AM
2

I’m 6 months into my separation / divorce. Papers signed. Coparenting well. I can’t even dip my toes into anything beyond a friendship. It’s nerve wracking and I’m not sure how I would react. I’m satisfied with a few friendships I have with the opposite of sex. No games, no sexual tension. Just being platonic and hanging out. But I know everyone is different. I’d definitely have your friend be cautious, but also enjoy it and take it day by day while thinking of nothing beyond face value in terms…
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/25 02:19 PM
2

I didn’t beg. But I tried and I talked about it with my therapist. She felt it wouldn’t help but reassured me that I needed to not have any regrets albeit being too late.
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/25 03:46 AM
11

I’m at the point. Even when I’m purposely being friendly and nothing more. I’m hooked. We’re thirsty, stuck in the desert. I’m in therapy. I’m making sure I don’t go overboard. It takes time. I have to remind myself of that, even when I fantasize ‘could this go somewhere?’. So damn hungry for affection.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/25 03:20 AM
7

This. Protect yourself and then they can pay for it after.
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/25 04:50 PM
5

White nesting in separation. I’ve only watched stuff I’ve seen before. Even stuff we watched. I’ve been building up a watchlist of new shows and movies I haven’t seen for once I move out. Even video games. Hoping that helps me not fall into that funk. But I’m sure there will still be moments. I’m just thankful she never fell in love with my comfort shows.
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/25 02:42 PM
6

Mine said she fell out of love. Grey rocked me while I tried to fix things until I gave in. Six months later I’m getting paid, buying a house cause rent sucks here. I gotta make life easy for my kids. It gets better with time, bro. Sorry this is happening to you.
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/25 04:48 AM
7

Be yourself, treat others with respect and protect yourself. Cause no one has control and no one will stay in a relationship if they don’t want too.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/25 09:32 PM
8

Didn’t want it and I realized it was a blessing in disguise.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/25 04:31 PM
3

I can’t speak on your plan. Congrats on coming out in a good position. I’m getting bought out and we decided not to touch each other’s retirement, keeping our individual investments and splitting savings. Nice to see others not coming out broke from an already stressful situation.
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/25 08:17 PM
4

I didn’t back down. She wanted to make it 60/40 in her favor for the summer. But 50/50 during school. Mind you, when this all began she said it would be totally 50/50. Not sure what her game was but I said no and kept saying no. She caved and didn’t want to fight it anymore when it came time to write up the agreement.
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/25 02:46 PM
8

Forget about who did what and if your marriage was open. It's not a marriage anymore, treat it that way. Give her nothing unless it's about bills or children. Don't leave the house. Move money and keep paying bills as if nothing has changed (or start a fight and demand half), but keep that bill money in the same account. Do not deposit anything that isn't traceable (e.g. sold stuff on marketplace or found mattress cash) At the bare minimum get consultations with all the best lawyers and see what…
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/25 06:15 PM
1

I wish I had the answer. I know it dwindles. But it's important to find someone who matches the consistency that you want. My experience, it was long distance, so it started out as once a week. More once we moved in and then back to once a week after a kid. Then worse. When I brought up my concerns before separation, she went back to "it was only once a week when we met". Just find someone, however long it takes that sets the bar at the beginning. Reasonably of course. Can't expect it daily, but…
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/25 02:03 AM
9

Nope. I tried at the beginning and it failed, she was dead set. So I met her expectations and said goodbye to the marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/25 03:56 PM
9

Nothing out of the status quo changes until a custody agreement is drafted and signed.
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/25 12:52 AM
10

For the process? Nothing, so far it's been 100% 50/50 amicable. The failed marriage? I would have pushed myself to do per-marital counseling. At the end we were different, incompatible and unhappy. I think if our communication wasn't a failure from the beginning, maybe something could have changed for the better. Currently, it's water under the bridge and I'm looking forward to finding someone better for me when I reach that point in life.
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/24 03:10 AM
1

I don’t know if there’s correlation but my stbxw became a huge Swift fan alongside her BFF she helped through a divorce before dropping the bomb. Fuck, I was kind of a fan and now I can stand the artist anymore.
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/24 02:57 AM
3

Don’t move out or pay anything until an agreement or decree is signed. Keep the status quo and don’t set an early precedent regarding children or support. While you’re doing that, lawyer up or get consultations depending on how amicable it’s going.
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/24 01:36 AM
2

You got this. You’re so young. Many years to build yourself up and achieve your goals.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/24 03:31 AM
3

Halfway to the end, almost out and in a new place. I am sooooooo fucking ready to start my new life. To have my peace, to work towards real intimacy and a warm compatible embrace. All in due time. Cheers, OP.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/24 03:22 AM
2

The same way.
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/24 10:59 PM
4

Stay. You can wait and find an IT job that is either local or WFH.
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/24 12:45 AM
1

Nope. 6 months ago she dropped the bomb.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/24 08:58 PM
2

I’m not, I don’t think she is unless she’s changed teams. Either way, I’m over her.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/24 07:57 PM
2

Good for the most part but we’re still nesting. I’ll know for sure in two months when I moved out.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/24 02:44 PM
2

No alimony is a win. Stuck to child support, that’s what matters.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/24 02:42 AM
1

she looked to deflect or twist it to focus on something that I was wrong with, that may or may not be related to the current argument. This right here is my kryptonite. Every time she would do this when I brought up a concern, it made me just go into fight or flight and shut down. I absolutely hated it and when I started to identify it through therapy and counter. Whelp, that's when we started separation.
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/24 09:39 PM
2

I can’t speak to lawyers. We went amicably (her idea), finally signed our agreements and 6 months from finalizing. I obviously had consults. I can’t wait for housing to lower. Rent is more in my area and I need a place. So I’m forced into the housing market. Take each day at a time. Learn to bite your tongue, learn to breath in stressful moments. Do your best get your fair share. Lower 401k contributions to the lowest with no loss to company match. Budget. Plan ahead and prepare for the worst. G…
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/24 03:36 AM
3

That’s what we do for now. Weekly rotation with Wed for the other parent.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/24 02:50 PM
8

Mid life / grass is greener I think. But we are incompatible that this separation has opened my eyes too, so it’s for the best despite me not asking for this.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/24 03:14 AM
10

Do you want to be with someone you need to convince to be with you? Stop banging your stbxw. Accept it’s over, see lawyers, figure out what the landscape looks like. Start amicably and stand your ground.
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/24 03:25 AM
4

The following day after realizing it was over and there was no return.
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/24 03:22 AM
4

Everyone is different. Applying my own biases, it would be too soon. My main barometer is I can’t get past ‘what are you looking for’ on apps. If you can answer that without question or hesitation, you might be ready. Then again, you’re close to the finish line. Might be best to get it squared away. Less explanations and discussions about your divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/24 07:07 PM
2

Separate rooms, dedicated days for the kid so we can come and go as we please. Doing our best to be civil until all things are settled with assets, etc...
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/24 04:27 PM
3

I got back into reading while we nest. When I move I’ll get back into writing, start cross stitch, cooking and digital drawing.
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/24 09:59 PM
11

The planning the days off is a deal breaker. I’m a fan of solitude and need to recharge. Trust your gut about this.
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/24 10:52 PM
2

Remember yourself before her Oh, I really like that!
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/24 03:40 PM
4

Idk your area. But if kids are involved, you’re half way there. If no kids, you’re near the finish line. Get it done and move on with life. She asked for this, don’t let her back peddle.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/24 04:17 AM
1

Do yourself a favor and don’t go pain shopping.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/24 04:11 AM
10

I’ve got to be for now. Until I move out she has the upper hand. I will set firm boundaries when I’m free of this nesting. I’ll coparent. I will try to be civil how she wants right now. The day I’m in my own place of peace, she’ll get the civil I want to be. I’ll be there in regards of our kid. I will not bend over backwards to her concerns or suggestions when I don’t have to. She ended that when she asked for a divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/24 04:07 AM
0

Honestly and I don’t mean this to be a dick. That’s a you problem, fear of missing out, not in your control. Yes. It hurts. But you’ve got to let that roll off you. But I get your pain, you’re fresh in it. Try to focus on what you control. Ignore the rest. It’s tough, we’re here to help. Vent all day bro, we got you.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/24 04:04 AM
9

I got uninvited because I've been short and distant while we nest during separation. I guess by me not showing her the respect and politeness she gets from strangers and people she isn't divorcing is a slight against her character or some fucking bullshit. So I'll eat a regular lunch while they're gone. For dinner, I'll cook up a nice filet mignon and share it with the kid. Next year, in my own place, Thanksgiving or the week prior. I'll cook up a feast and enjoy it with my kid.
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/24 03:32 AM
3

I've been in the same house all year too. The IRS cares. If it's the same address, just file married jointly. If you had separate addresses for most of the year, then it would be married separately returns. I'm not a tax expert, but a quick google when I was curious answered it. Makes the most sense.
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/24 02:49 AM
2

If in the house for most of year, joint. If not, married file separately,
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/24 02:21 AM
2

I’m not looking forward to it. Quite honestly, I’m afraid I’ll put it off for a long time. Clearly I’m not ready or healed. I am enjoying myself day by day though and that’s what matters.
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/24 06:31 PM
3

Get a consult with a lawyer, get a layout of what you’re entitled to. Work together on an agreement, be amicable and fair. Get a lawyer to write it up, get one to review. Sign and move on. Currently in an amicable separation for three months. Bomb was dropped on me as well.
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/24 04:02 PM
3

Get the agreement to say you are not abandoning your family physically or financially. In addition to 50/50 JOINT LEGAL PHYSICAL CUSTODY People. Please stop saying visitation. Unless there’s abuse, you’re in prison or hospitalized. You ARE a parent!!
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/24 09:33 PM
1

Never use the word visitation. You’re a parent. I recommend consulting with a lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/24 07:46 PM
1

Personally, I wouldn’t move out until it’s all official. The separation and custody agreement. No temp. Just get it over with and write it all out. Get a lawyer to review / advise before you do / sign anything.
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/24 07:42 PM
2

Don't move out until an official agreement is written, saying there is 50/50 legal joint physical custody and you are not abandoning them physically or financially if you move out before the divorce decree is finalized
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/24 07:33 PM
1

I haven’t left until agreement is done, money is in my hand and housing has been found. Do not give anyone an easy out. Protect yourself and your kids.
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/24 04:02 PM
12

First, stop using the word visitation. Unless there’s abuse, that’s not what you’re doing. 50/50 joint legal physical custody is the goal. Courts will lean towards awarding that. They want consistency for the child. If your wife fights this, let her know that a judge will make a broad decision. There is no negotiation. Anything she has in her mind how it should go is null and void if it goes to courts. Stay firm. Don’t budge. Lawyer up for guidance. Good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/24 02:05 PM
2

I’m in the house but different room. It’s not easy but it’s working out. Hoping not long after the holidays this shit sandwich is over with.
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/24 07:04 PM
1

Nope. I’m giving no one ammo, I’m also not in a place to even be casual with someone. Especially with it not being finalized yet.
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/24 11:43 PM
4

We grew apart. Intimacy played a role too, on the verge of a dead bedroom. I also worked on myself in therapy and started to communicate my needs. A year later and here I am getting divorced (not my choice). But it's a blessing in disguise. I'd probably say something like that, along with owning my own faults. But I won't divulge that information on a first date or anything. I have been building boundaries and I'm not an open book 24/7.
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/24 07:39 PM
6

Second this in regards to the beginning of the end. I was there over 3 months ago. It's hard to come to terms to something they had already accepted, planned and "grieved" the relationship ending before bringing you into the fold. I was spoken for on being unhappy and why. I was scolded for having reactions to being hurt and blaming others for that hurt. I was conditioned to not speak up about my feelings. It will get better. It will require you to take it day by day. Focus on the kids, yourself…
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/24 03:14 AM
2

In Va too. In separate rooms, same house. That works for the separation. Honestly, I don’t know how investing post separation date factors in. We’re amicable and are not touching each other’s investments. I guess it really comes down to if she will actually go after half of everything? If she does. Maybe lower your 401k contribution no more than company match. Don’t sell any investments either. Just squirrel away money.
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/24 10:04 PM
4

You can’t read her emails for her. Unless she asked prior in conversation and you withheld it. No, you’re not in the wrong. You can only do so much and it appears you’re keeping things moving ahead with the sport.
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/24 07:32 PM
1

480? Jesus Christ! Good luck dude! I have anxiety of getting a house in the $200-250k range. Missed out on a great one sub 200. But I’m frozen until agreement is signed and I get my equity.
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/24 04:51 PM
5

I think? Doing the math I’ll get by. But paying off a house before I’m 72 will be quite a challenge. I’m being stubborn and refuse to rent.
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/24 04:17 PM
1

Took me a while to get there, but I’m there. Now I’m ready to move on after the logistics are responsibly taken care of.
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/24 02:30 AM
6

When I asked for his blessing he said (I thought jokingly), are you sure? 🤣☠️
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/24 03:12 AM
1

Saaaaaame. How blind I was.
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/24 03:11 AM
7

Give the keys back and have her bring shit out to you. My ass staying in the driveway in my car if I find myself at my old house. Focus on yourself and don't get anyone pregnant.
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/24 12:57 AM
4

Personally I would just stick with good ole, individual therapy.
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/24 06:06 PM
1

Young the Giant - Both Sides EP was a great fucking help. Had it on repeat for a few days while occupying the day by myself out and about.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/24 11:50 PM
13

It wouldn’t have saved anything for me. She found excuses to avoid accountability, turns a response to her actions as the problem and an utter disgust to a backbone that goes against her wants. Thats what this separation and self reflection has taught me.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/24 09:00 PM
1

I’m sorry you’re losing your dog. I was worried about that. I was surprised when she didn’t fight it and even encouraged me to get an ESA certificate. I hope you’re in a place to rescue / adopt another pup.
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/24 12:34 AM
3

Her new BFF needed her help with her divorce. The BFF has no one else. She got a new co-dependent supply and suddenly she wants a divorce. Jokes on her. The only thing changing in my life is my address. Still gonna be doing it all without relying on others to do it for me.
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/24 08:47 PM
3

Move on but keep the door open for the kids in the future. At least as a support / role model. Before my marriage, I dated someone with kids. 20+ years later and I still keep in touch with them, have dinners, and chit chat about life via various apps.
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/24 07:34 PM
14

She asked for the divorce. I regret ignoring the red flags prior to marriage which could have prevented this shit year. I’m not perfect nor is she and I imagined I married someone who would put in the work.
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/24 01:39 AM
8

Agreed. OP would be better to post this in r/marriage
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/24 11:07 PM
6

Cohabitating here as well while we wait for the agreement and whatever follows after that. It sucks. But we have gotten into the habit of just ignoring each other unless we have to talk. Some shit gets on my nerves, like me cleaning up any mess I or the kid makes, but anything she does she ignores. I can't wait to me in my own place and to let the kid decorate parts of it and finally have my peace..
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/24 01:23 PM
3

My stbx has been going slow about everything. Even changing accounts over. She initiated and I wrote up most of our agreement. Now I'm waiting on that agreement to be officially written up. She (and I) want it to be amicable. Good lord, move a bit faster! She wanted me out right away and I haven't moved and won't until this shit is done and everything divided.
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/24 02:30 PM
3

This is why I refuse to move out until an agreement is written up. I'm not paying for two households.
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/24 02:18 PM
2

True. Keep our own house in order type of deal, I get that. Be careful, if the above is any indication. Some people around here wouldn't take too kindly to that.
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/24 11:15 AM
-1

They both offer valid advice and both of these subs have areas that can be improved upon. Definitely bad apples in both subs. You say that sub is overrun by women and I say this sub can be very quick on being misogynist. Not everyone, but it's noticeable. When relating, we often project our own experience onto others as the reason for their marriage ending. Not everyone cheated and not everyone nuked a relationship just because. Whichever sub you go on, you're going to get a one sided view of th…
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/24 12:19 AM
1

I wish that were the case here and it’s not even a city. Rent is several hundred higher than a mortgage payment. I’m buying when I get bought out.
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/24 03:30 PM
2

I bet. I’m not even out of the woods yet. I might freak out at the first moment of vulnerability. lol
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/24 01:01 AM
2

I hear that. My underlying point is to go about it differently than the first time. In addition to my healing and growth. LTR or marriage with prenup. I hope for a better shared experience.
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/24 12:55 AM
6

Good luck, happy for you. Personally, I’m not marrying again unless we make it 5 years without major fights. That’s if I even date. I’ll definitely take my framed decree out to a nice dinner when it’s finalized.
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/24 11:59 PM
1

I’m in the states. We’re amicable though. So it’s 50/50. I’ve wfh long before the kids arrived. So I wasn’t gonna accept anything less than 50/50 legal physical joint custody even though she tried at first to have them slightly more. I would hope in the UK they want the kid to have consistency. Fight for true 50/50, you’re entitled to that.
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/24 06:51 PM
5

I wish we could have gone the counseling route. But she was against it.
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/24 01:51 PM
1

As of now I’m getting bought out and our retirements are not getting touched. She wants it amicable and I want this blindside over with. I’m glad to have that money working for me and there’s uncertainty about her pension. Plus I’d hate to have my 401k a hit right now.
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/24 02:30 AM
1

There’s a QDRO form that avoids that and moves the money without penalty.
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/24 09:22 PM
1

If hell freezes over and I get married again, I’m 100% getting a prenup. Currently I’m in the cohabitating and waiting for the agreement stage. So I’m all over the place. I wonder if she’ll regret it. Time will only tell. She wanted this, so maybe she won’t. I’m hoping distance, boundaries on my custodial time and going no contact outside of that ruins what reality she convinced this post divorce life would look like for her. I only know that I’m ready for my own place and my own life without he…
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/24 02:46 PM
3

I’m too jaded right now to answer that.
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/24 04:20 PM
1

Ah, my apologies. I overlooked that info.
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/24 10:57 PM
0

Get a PO Box.
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/24 10:28 PM
2

No. I married my wife because of our connection and intimacy. Either one of those removed changes things.
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/24 12:50 PM
1

I’m 7 years ahead of you. Re: your friends, that will calm down a bit. Like others have said, you’re in your prime. Don’t rush anything, set yourself future self to be better off. Good money will help with that.
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/24 05:30 PM
5

Only in the during right now. I learned I’m capable, strong and 100% withdrew my old self and got lost in my marriage. If this stays amicable. I hope to learn I’m freaking awesome and on a path to a healthy post-divorce version of myself.
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/24 04:11 AM
2

My lowest through this process was when there were brief moments I was told I wouldn’t have 50/50 custody. It’s astounding how fast my brain went to dark moments. I am proud to say, it is, it’s been agreed and will be true, 50/50. These are trying times and I’m glad you’re being there for your kid. Keep working on yourself, you’ve got this and us.
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/24 04:21 PM
10

wtf. We should have flair for posts like these, state how far into separation they are. Why in Gods name would you want her back? Where’s your self respect? I get it. At first, I tried to save us. Our situation is much tamer than yours. I got nothing in return and respected her decision and moved the hell on. I would be moving forward instantly if I knew she was gonna cheat. Fuck that shit. She’s not even worth an after thought.
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/24 12:21 PM
1

10 years and several months ago she dropped the bomb. I’m past the sad part, trying to focus on where I’m gonna move, how much my kid will love it. Just getting through the logistics of it all. I’m pumped to move on cause I’m ready. At first I wasn’t. Then I accepted how much of a blessing in disguise this was.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/24 06:06 PM
3

You’d have $15k~ still working for you in the account. If you can take the penalty and pay take it on that income. Take it. However, get something in return.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/24 11:26 PM
2

I don’t see a problem if you do this AFTER a separation agreement is finalized and signed. Unsure of your state / jurisdiction. In my case, I’m buying after the agreement since the bank needs proof I’m no longer responsible on the current house.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/24 06:19 PM
1

You make good money. Are you in a HCOL area? Don’t bend over backwards for anyone. Find a person who matches your vibe, not one who sees commitment as a business transaction.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/24 11:01 AM
2

I will for holiday events that involve my kid. But I’m not going out of my way or anything. Gonna try to get some distance and see what works.
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/24 08:32 PM
1

Thank you.
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/24 10:38 PM
2

Definitely don’t scream at him that you’re his only father (mine did that when I was a kid). Not sure of how your ex his or this guy. Your kid is a kid, he doesn’t know any better. Just remind him you’ll always be his dad and you’ll love him forever. It’s tooooough. If this guy is decent, just look on the bright side your son as another positive role model. But I also know how hard it feels to think you’re being replaced. Hang in there.
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/24 07:53 PM
1

In response to not agreeing with her for less than 50/50 custody, she kept me from being there for her cat while he was put down. A cat that I cared for every day while he slowly died.
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/24 03:47 PM
11

Is that normal? It's normal to feel these things. But if it happens, it happens. Today, right now, you need to accept anything out of your control is not your problem. With time, especially through this process. You will see things that will turn you off from your stbxw. Embrace that. If you feel any pain, also embrace that. Do not ignore it, do not drink / vice it away. Embrace all of it and become a better you. Protect yourself, work on yourself and make sure you have a lawyer look over anythi…
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/24 08:15 PM
4

I'm gonna go with PZHLDME
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/24 11:56 PM
4

Accept it and move on. DO NOT move out without talking to a lawyer first. Anything agreed on verbally means nothing unless a signature is written. DO NOT sign anything until a lawyer reviews it first.
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/24 10:11 PM
2

The penalties and taxes for cashing out early, I wouldn’t even want to imagine that. You’re in a pickle, no lie. I haven’t experienced stbx backing out. We’re at the stage of having ours written up after agreeing to what we wanted.
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/24 08:56 PM
2

Thank you for the in depth response. I’ll stick to the store swap meetup.
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/24 06:35 PM
2

Have you had any problems with the kid fighting changing parents and the burden falling on you instead of the other taking over? I’m on the fence between store or individual houses
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/24 06:19 PM
1

No. If she wants to separate, give her nothing beyond short answers / transactional type conversation.
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/24 10:52 AM
9

Once you get a sense of that, move on. No one is worth it. They’re putting on a show, expect you to complete them. It’s a recipe for disaster. At best, keep it casual. Don’t fall for these people. Obv this goes both ways. Don’t expect a woman to complete you as well.
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/24 01:23 PM
5

I deleted what I had on my phone in front of her. I asked for the same reassurance. She blew it off with her technical ignorance. She does have waaaaay too many pictures in general. 🤷‍♂️ I’m keeping ones with me in them, not for enjoyment. But I’m sure when I’m 70+ I’m gonna want to see my young self again unwrinkled.
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/24 01:10 PM
17

Is your name on the house? Have you paid towards the mortgage? Do. Not. Move. Wait until your attorney gives the go ahead. Protect yourself and get what's owed to you.
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/24 12:05 AM
2

Ignore her until something official comes your way. Then contact your lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/24 08:42 PM
2

It’s a rough one. I hope you get through it with minimal anger or negative coping.
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/24 05:41 PM
3

I'm not at the end yet, but I'm in the process and there's no going back. First, get rid of the reconcile nonsense. If it happens, it happens. But there is nothing you can do to make that happen right now. Reflect and put in the work on how you may have contributed to this and improve. Make sure you get 50/50 custody if it's doable. If not, just make sure your kiddo is #1 priority. No one else. When the kiddo isn't there. You are #1 and no one else. Thinking of others with your ex, it's tough. B…
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/24 03:24 PM
2

Not shocked you haven’t seen him standing 🤣 Dude sounds like he has no spine being dragged into this.
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/24 01:44 PM
5

We often feel blindsided. Take this moment to try to reflect on how you may have contributed to it. I won’t parrot what others love to assume that cheating is involved. Without proof that just makes people feel worse. Maybe, maybe not, it’s out of your control regardless. It’s easy to split up then work on a marriage. That’s the honest truth. Accept what she wants, don’t try to win her back. Feel your pain, reflect, get a consult with a lawyer to see what the landscape looks like looks like. The…
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/24 02:51 AM
6

This. A lot of this could be attributed to the newborn. Curious, is she pumping in bottles? When my marriage was fine, taking turns every night to feed was so good for us. I also wish we did counseling before problems started brewing. Nonetheless, get into counseling. It might just lay that foundation you need so in the future you don’t need a divorce. Good luck to you both.
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/24 01:55 AM
7

I knew it was time when I was the only one wanting to put work in on fixing it. I communicated and when it got to the point where I escalated the communication because of no results or honest communication in return. It was then thrown back in my face as a reason we're done. So I returned her lack of trying and accepted it was over. This process sucks. But if she can't communicate healthy, and more red flags. Just end it, the sooner the better. Cause the process isn't quick and you gotta rip tha…
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/24 02:47 PM
3

Set some boundaries and don’t give her anything.
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/24 12:18 AM
2

Thank you very much. She’s trying week on / week off with Wednesday alternating. But summer has a mutual location to swap, requiring both parties to drive. 🤷‍♂️ I’ll adjust my ROFR, didn’t have time frame specifically listed.
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/24 12:55 AM
3

Misery loves company. I gotta make sure I put the parenting app in the agreement. So looking forward to blocking on socials and phone.
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/24 07:56 PM
4

Pretty shit. Hoping ‘25 is better depending on how this separation goes.
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/24 01:15 PM
3

I'm picturing Rider Strong near the end of Cabin Fever with the Listerine. lol
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/24 06:43 PM
2

Yup. That’s what happened to me. 🤣🙁
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/24 09:23 PM
5

Keep dating your wife. Read ‘This is how your marriage ends”. It has a lot of info that is extremely valuable when a marriage is not drifting a part. Also ‘Fair Play’.
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/24 07:46 PM
4

I can go either way. But if I find that special person, it’s this criteria I hope we both match. Life’s too short to be going through this shit again.
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/24 01:28 AM
7

It just hurts in general. I had a bad breakup once and saw someone who resembled her and crumbled. Need time to heal. Block it, breathe and take it day by day. Hopefully I take that advice when I reach that stage of post divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/24 08:33 PM
2

Well said. I’m battling ripping my heart off my sleeve and just be a roommate / coparent. Hoping when I do move out, I’ll only have to worry about summers seeing my wife as school is the swap location. So be easier then. I’m ready to become the person I lost in my marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/24 07:02 PM
1

Agreed. Just very overwhelming.
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/24 11:09 AM
1

Document every single thing that happens. And I mean everything. Could you elaborate on this part please? Document everything in terms of how the custody is going to be scheduled, etc... Or comings and goings of ex, etc...?
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/24 08:16 PM
2

Same. I had a step dad, better than my bio dad, but have vivid memories of my bio dad not taking it well and taking it out on me. Cause I was a kid and had no idea I shouldn't call the new one dad. So here I am, on the flip side. I just hope if it does happen, she picks someone better than I was. For the kid's sake. I'd be beside myself if she brought a loser into my kid's home.
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/24 08:13 PM
1

This hurting me. Mine just turned 9 and my stbx wants to tell the kid very soon. Even though we are still under the same roof and I have no idea when I'm moving out (waiting until the agreement is totally done).
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/24 08:11 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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