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jambazaza540 Archive

View 6 posts and 163 comments by jambazaza540 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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2

“Starting Over” by Chris Stapleton
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/26 08:46 PM
1

This sounds like a great problem to have.
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/26 10:42 AM
2

I appreciate all that, my man.
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/26 10:41 AM
1

You make a really great point here that I hadn’t considered.
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/26 10:40 AM
3

Well, that’s encouraging.
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/26 12:44 AM
4

They’re people I already know in real life.
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/26 12:40 AM
1

I’m noticing this.
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/26 12:31 AM
2

Who TF knows man, the signals were pretty strong until she cancelled on me.
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/26 12:31 AM
2

I am done with the having kids game. Also, not necessarily looking for a relationship—at this point, I’m just looking for a good time.
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/26 10:03 PM
1

Appreciate that. I know I need to work on my patience, so…
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/26 10:03 PM
14

All I can say is that I’ve been there, and as others in this sub will tell you, it does get better. What worked for me during the private kind of hell we all go through was focusing on what little I could control, and for me, that meant health and fitness. I cut alcohol entirely, began eating very clean, and was in the gym six days a week. Yes, my circumstances sucked, but for some reason, having a clear head and being proud of what I was doing for my health made all the indignities just a littl…
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/26 09:32 PM
1

I was also fortunate to keep most (though not all) of my friends. However, I learned that I had left a lot of friendships on cruise control and had to put in the work to reinvigorate them. Not gonna make that mistake again. My social infrastructure is so valuable to me, and the hard lesson I learned was that I have to actively nurture it, regardless of whether there is a woman in my life.
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/26 01:59 AM
7

Not that I know much of anything, but I do know you don’t have to marry them.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/26 02:58 PM
7

Non-negotiable. Get one.
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/26 08:26 PM
10

Sorry to hear all this. Just a suggestion that has worked for me: after pickup, I head straight to the gym and I go hard there. It helps me transition so that when I come back home, the house feels a little more manageable, even though it’s empty.
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/26 08:23 PM
5

This definitely happens to me. I go straight to the gym after drop-off to help me process everything and mentally reset before I head back to my empty apartment.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/24 01:23 PM
24

I’d recommend that you completely exhaust the therapy route before you pull the trigger. Look, if she truly is a good person and a good mom and she is willing to put in the work to fix your issues, then you are one of the lucky ones on here. Divorce is no joke, and the strain it can put on you—emotional, financial, and otherwise—is probably going to be unlike anything you have ever experienced. It’s crushing me, and I am only three months into the process.
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/24 08:03 PM
4

Love it, man. Good for you.
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/24 06:55 PM
3

Wow, man. Incredible/inspiring story. Way to go.
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/24 10:56 PM
2

Happy birthday
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/24 01:38 PM
6

Not worth it. I would not trade my kids for anything, don’t get me wrong, but the anguish of a divorce is unlike anything I have ever experienced.
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/24 01:36 PM
4

I agree with No-Profit-1027. Get to counseling as soon as possible. Work on your marriage first. Divorce is the nuclear, last-resort option. It is wrenching, raw, and painful. I would not wish it upon anyone. Based upon the facts as you've presented them, I see indications of a communication problem. Is it possible that you're not fully expressing your wishes and desires to your wife in a way that she understands? If you think that the answer might possibly be yes, then counseling, not divorce, …
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/24 02:24 PM
5

Splitting up seems like a big mistake to me, considering the facts as you've presented them. Get yourselves into couples' counseling first and work on your issues before you consider pulling the trigger. You're describing her as an "amazing partner" and a "good person" who you "can't stop wanting to look after." Like, that's about as good as it gets, my man. As anyone here will tell you, divorce is the nuclear option. What you've described here sounds very fixable.
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/24 12:37 PM
5

Personally, I started talking and have kept talking to family, friends, and my therapist. But not her. My STBXW does not give two shits how I feel anymore. You need to vent. Hell, you did so here in this sub. Keep going. Get that poison out of you. The people who genuinely care about your well-being will understand. At the same time, though, remember that relationships work when there is a give and take. You can’t let your own emotional state become the dominant feature of your relationships. St…
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/24 06:48 PM
2

Ask your lawyer. Like, yesterday.
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/24 10:15 AM
3

“If anyone will not welcome you or listen to your words, leave that home or town and shake the dust off your feet.” -Matthew 10:14 Reading your story, this verse from scripture popped right to mind. Jesus forgave and forgives everything—EVERYTHING—but He was and is no pushover. Remember, this is the same guy who flipped over the money changers’ tables in the temple. Part of the challenge of the Christian life is to balance following Jesus’s example with common sense. Jesus would definitely forgi…
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/24 10:08 AM
1

Congrats!
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/24 01:23 PM
2

Thank you.
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/24 10:17 AM
3

Sorry to hear this. Wishing you strength.
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/24 10:07 AM
2

There are a lot of variables at play in your post—divorce, Lexapro, exercise, testosterone. Taking the 30,000-foot view, I think it is pretty normal to experience changes as you age, so take some initial comfort in that. I don’t know about you, but I’m definitely not the guy I was at 17, or 25, or 32 for that matter. And the same is going to be true for any woman you hook up with, especially if they are around 40 years old. It just happens.
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/24 02:55 PM
5

I would definitely fight for $$$, OP. I agree with your priorities—kids come first—but unless you are drowning in liquid reserves, sticking up for your half of the assets is pretty important.
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/24 12:34 PM
6

🤣🤣🤣 “…..like you own a snow removal company.” That was really good.
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/24 09:53 AM
7

The word was not part of my vocabulary or my worldview. It was as close to an impossibility as it could be. But now, I am neck deep in the middle of one. Life is funny like that.
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/24 08:00 PM
3

Educator here facing a similar situation (divorce not finalized). Interesting to hear how you made this work.
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/24 01:46 PM
1

Thanks for the suggestions. On water and caffeine, I am getting enough of each at good times each day. No soda, black coffee only, none after noon. I am off booze. Therapist is male.
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/24 02:13 PM
4

My wife is leaving me to preserve her own mental health. So, my point is that yes, these things definitely happen.
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/24 12:02 PM
3

I’d say it’s time for couples counseling. Like, now. Though the situation might seem bleak, take time to do intense work on the relationship before going the divorce route. Even if it doesn’t work, you’ll be glad you tried. Divorce ain’t easy.
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/24 11:59 AM
1

Thanks
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/24 12:02 PM
1

Where did I say I was a fat lazy slob, exactly? I missed that part.
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/24 12:34 AM
2

Beautifully written. Thanks.
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/24 12:33 AM
2

Thanks for the encouragement.
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/24 12:31 AM
2

Thanks for the encouragement and for the advice. EDIT: My mental issues are the main reason the divorce is happening, though there were other issues in the marriage itself in play, too.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/24 01:19 PM
1

Thanks for the perspective and recommendations.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/24 12:36 PM
1

Thanks!
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/24 12:31 PM
1

I appreciate it.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/24 11:47 AM
1

It was her idea. I was diagnosed with a serious illness that affects my behavior, moods, and judgment. That illness, and the behaviors it generates, is the root cause of the divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/24 11:46 AM
2

Thanks for the recommendations. So far, my friends have been a great support so I will continue leaning on them.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/24 11:45 AM
1

I have some pre-marital experience with this sort of thing, too.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/24 11:44 AM
-1

She denies that she is the quitter, but she’s really the quitter, if you know what I mean. I didn’t choose this, she did.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/24 11:43 AM
1

I have heard of both of these books. Time for a trip to the library.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/24 11:42 AM
0

Good to hear!
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/24 11:41 AM
3

That’s good perspective—suffering is the price to pay to grow. Thanks.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/24 11:41 AM
2

I appreciate the encouragement.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/24 11:39 AM
1

Thanks for the information.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/24 11:39 AM
1

Thanks. Kids are in the picture so contact with her is going to be unavoidable. But I think you’re right in that she has a long head start on the road to recovery.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/24 11:38 AM
1

Trust me, the marriage is toast.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/24 11:36 AM
2

Thanks for the perspective and suggestions. I am glad that life is treating you well post-divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/24 11:35 AM
1

To be honest, not much. I feel like I am in survival mode.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/24 11:34 AM
1

Thank you for the perspective.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/24 11:33 AM
4

Ha!
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/24 01:41 AM
4

Thanks for the encouragement and advice.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/24 01:38 AM
4

Funny, mine looks like young, pre-botox Nicole Kidman.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/24 01:37 AM
3

Thanks!
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/24 01:37 AM
3

Just Googled 75 Hard. Sounds appealing.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/24 01:36 AM
3

I appreciate the advice!
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/24 01:35 AM
2

Thanks for the tip.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/24 01:35 AM
1

Nice to hear!
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/24 01:34 AM
1

Good call.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/24 01:34 AM
3

Thanks.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/24 10:56 PM
3

Thank you for the encouragement and the tips.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/24 10:46 PM
4

I am inclined to agree.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/24 10:28 PM
3

Thanks, bro.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/24 10:28 PM
1

Thanks for the tips and reassurance.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/24 10:27 PM
2

Ha!
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/24 10:27 PM
6

Thanks for the encouragement.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/24 10:27 PM
6

I wish you strength, sir.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/24 10:26 PM
1

This is helpful and hopeful in my case. I have a few complicating issues in my past, though nothing like a DUI with kids in the car. I am scheduled to meet with my attorney next week to strategize about this.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/24 10:25 PM
6

Ha! Thanks for the recommendation. EDIT: Just watched the Goggins video. The guy is a legend for good reason.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/24 08:53 PM
5

I am hearing this enough from different sources that I am starting to believe it. Will do!
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/24 08:52 PM
4

Thanks for the recommendations.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/24 08:51 PM
2

I appreciate it!
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/24 07:58 PM
6

Ha!
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/24 07:58 PM
5

Will do. Thanks.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/24 07:57 PM
5

Thanks. I needed a swift kick in the ass, I guess.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/24 07:56 PM
1

This is comforting.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/24 07:56 PM
4

🤣🤣🤣
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/24 07:55 PM
2

Thanks for the recommendation. I had not heard about that sub but I will check it out.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/24 07:55 PM
2

This is inspiring to read. Thanks.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/24 07:54 PM
1

I appreciate the wisdom and the advice.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/24 07:53 PM
6

Sounds simple enough! Now I just have to get my ass into the gym.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/24 07:52 PM
2

Thanks for the advice and the tips.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/24 07:51 PM
7

Sounds like we have a lot in common. To pick on one point here, the female social circle enablers are something else, aren’t they? I was acquainted with her social circle and on friendly terms with them. Now I gather that they are all “You go girl!” and offer her their best support for steamrolling ahead with the divorce. Meanwhile, most men I know have nothing like that kind of support group, and I certainly don’t. It is frustrating. Stay strong.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/24 07:37 PM
3

I appreciate the suggestions. Thanks for the well-wishes.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/24 07:31 PM
3

Thanks a lot for the suggestions.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/24 05:26 PM
7

It’s in person. I don’t move out of our place until August 1st so I see her every single day. It is tough.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/24 05:23 PM
7

I hadn’t considered that my glow-up is happening internally. That is an excellent point.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/24 05:06 PM
11

This is a healthy attitude to take. I appreciate it.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/24 05:05 PM
4

Thank you!
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/24 05:05 PM
1

Good points right here.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/24 05:04 PM
1

I appreciate the tips and the encouragement. Sounds like you developed a good strategy to deal with her BS.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/24 05:04 PM
6

Sounds like I need to play the long game.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/24 05:01 PM
5

Thanks. I have to get used to the idea that no one is coming to save me.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/24 05:01 PM
3

This is a powerful analogy. I will keep this in mind. Thanks for the tips.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/24 05:00 PM
4

Thanks, man. I am glad to hear that you are doing better on the other side of divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/24 04:58 PM
3

Thanks for the recommendations.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/24 04:57 PM
5

Don’t we all?!
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/24 03:54 PM
6

Thanks, brother. I appreciate the encouragement.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/24 03:53 PM
1

Got it. Thanks.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/24 10:24 AM
3

My therapist encouraged me to begin journaling as a way of chronicling my history and transformation during this period. I have already documented the initial shock and anger and gradual move toward acceptance that I have felt. I am also bulleting out three things I learn each day, like “Exercise is good medicine” or “Say yes to every invitation.” I think it’s helpful.
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/24 11:44 PM
1

Ugh, ok. Thanks for the info.
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/24 08:50 PM
4

I am in the middle of a divorce right now, and this is going to be a minority view, so please take this with a grain of salt. Provided that she and you both do the work necessary to strengthen and improve your relationship, then I would pursue reconciliation. Divorce is hell and I am neck deep in the sh** right now. I would not wish this on anyone. So if there is a chance that you can make it work, then I would do so.
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/24 07:31 PM
8

Not to move out of the marital home without first consulting an attorney. I could have easily f*cked myself over by doing so.
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/24 03:05 PM
5

“Flaming hellscape” is a great and accurate description. I would not wish it on anyone.
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/24 02:58 PM
3

Makes sense to me, bro. Good hunting out there.
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/24 12:59 PM
3

Just adding a vote here for therapy. I was seeing a therapist for other issues pre-divorce, but now he is helping me navigate the divorce itself. He’s been a rock for me and I am grateful to have our professional relationship during this time.
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/24 12:38 PM
2

Now that you’ve broken up, do you feel like you got back into the game too soon after your divorce? Or do you feel ready to date more women post-breakup?
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/24 12:35 PM
1

This is horrible. Wow.
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/24 12:19 PM
1

I wish you strength and patience during this period.
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/24 12:22 AM
3

I appreciate it.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/24 05:50 PM
3

Thanks, brother. Likewise.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/24 04:23 PM
7

I feel every bit of this. Wishing you strength and freedom.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/24 04:22 PM
2

This is helpful. Thanks.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/24 01:31 PM
2

Thanks.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/24 01:13 PM
7

Just wanted to say thanks for writing this. I feel all of this, hard.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/24 12:48 PM
1

My wife is doing something very similar. Always running around town with the kids doing errands, extracurricular activities, etc. It is frustrating because I am just like “Can I get an hour with the kids to myself, please?”
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/24 12:39 PM
1

My attorney did not explain the reasoning, no. I am just choosing to trust her counsel on this. Sorry to hear about your situation but it sounds like you are handling it well.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/24 11:51 AM
2

8 days does sound rough. I have become a big fan of walking the dog and letting her stop to smell absolutely everything she wants. It can burn up a lot of time and keeps me out of the house.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/24 02:15 AM
3

Definitely consult a lawyer before making any moves. Mine walked me through the potential ramifications of moving out too soon. If you have kids it can be perceived as abandonment, which is awful news for you from a financial standpoint. I got my wife to sign a document stating that my moving out would not affect custody/visitation nor would she consider it to be financially precedent-setting. This is specifically to protect me in the event that negotiations break down in some way and we have to…
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/24 11:03 PM
7

I am sorry that you’re feeling this pain today.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/24 11:17 AM
3

I had never heard this term before but it fits what I am experiencing so well.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/24 01:21 AM
2

I find both of those songs to be sad ones, which matches my mood most of the time these days. I have been listening to “Let Her Go” by Passenger on repeat quite a bit. It is also a sad song but hearing it feels therapeutic.
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/24 10:43 PM
3

Good on you, man. Wishing you well as you start this next chapter of your life.
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/24 04:39 PM
7

I suspect that all of us at one point or another feel ourselves near the absolute bottom. It’s tough and there is no sugar-coating that. It may not seem possible but it can and will get better for you. You can and you will figure it out. Trust yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/24 02:52 PM
3

I am 6 weeks after she filed—haven’t even moved out yet!—and I feel this. I am slowly getting used to doing things on my own again and the long stretches of uninterrupted time where she is out doing stuff with the kids. I have never lived on my own before so the prospect of moving out and getting my own place scares me a bit, to be honest.
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/24 11:46 AM
3

Lawyer up first. For sure.
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/24 12:49 AM
2

Assuming you are talking about therapy just for yourself, and not couples’ counseling, my advice would be to get as raw as possible with your therapist. All the anger, sadness, confusion, mixed emotions, etc. need to get let out fully when you meet. Don’t go in there and sugarcoat and bullshit and pretend like your problems aren’t that big a deal. They ARE a big deal and you’re paying your therapist to treat them like the big deal they are. If you want maximum value for your time and money, go c…
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/24 10:28 PM
5

Dad to two daughters here, 8 and 10. Echoing other comments, the relationship does change over time and who they prefer today is not who they will prefer tomorrow necessarily. Trust that your little girl needs you to be a strong, steady, active presence in her life, even if she may not always show it. I admit that sometimes I share your fears but then their little hugs and laughs and yelling “Daddy!” make the bad feelings melt away.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/24 07:57 PM
1

lol
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/24 08:25 PM
1

I know. We’ve explained the situation to the kids and so far they have been understanding. Moving out will be a shock to the system for them, though.
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/24 12:45 PM
2

It’s paid off.
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/24 12:43 PM
5

People have a natural need to be helpful. Just know that the advice is coming from a good, if ignorant, place.
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/24 12:42 PM
3

Poetic, man. Thanks for sharing your story.
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/24 10:42 PM
3

This is so true. The little “thank yous” are over now.
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/24 06:53 PM
2

I am staying put until my attorney says I am clear to move out.
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/24 06:52 PM
1

This is what I am coming around to now. I was mourning the loss of the house but now I’m starting to think that maybe I am the lucky one.
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/24 06:51 PM
4

This give-give-give story is one I have read a lot on this sub. I am glad you woke up, as you say, and that you are doing better these days.
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/24 06:49 PM
2

Damn. Thanks for sharing your story.
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/24 06:46 PM
3

That is awful (and I feel bad for your dog, too). Good on you for being the bigger person.
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/24 06:44 PM
2

That could work…
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/24 06:44 PM
1

Hang in there, brother. Two kids, similar ages here. We can do this.
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/24 06:43 PM
1

Long story, but it’s by mutual agreement. It’s what’s best for the kids.
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/24 06:43 PM
1

Good point
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/24 11:25 AM
1

Thanks for weighing in
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/24 11:25 AM
1

Just curious: why do you say that having the house is a disadvantage? Thanks for your response, as well.
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/24 02:13 AM
2

Thanks for the advice.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/24 10:50 PM
1

According to my attorney, her imputed income and my current income are close enough together that my spousal support payments will be fairly low, i.e. less than $100/month.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/24 09:35 PM
0

Thanks for the advice. That is a good way to think about it—a husband on paper only.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/24 09:10 PM
0

She will, yes.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/24 09:09 PM
2

Same here—I really haven’t changed anything about the chores I perform. Will be interesting to hear what others here say.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/24 08:29 PM
0

We’ve already agreed she is getting the house, but your point about valuation is spot on. Having it in good condition=bigger equity payout.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/24 08:27 PM
4

I'm 41 and right there with you, man. I'm realizing how much of my social circle existed with and through my wife. I have a few friends on my own but that's it. I'm considering starting a Meetup group for divorced/divorcing men in my area just as a way to connect with other men in the same boat. It's just an idea right now, but I'm thinking I could arrange it so that we hang out at a bar once every two weeks, that kind of thing. I figure that if I don't have a social circle now then it's on me t…
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/24 09:42 PM
7

She did.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/24 02:36 PM
2

Thanks, brother. I appreciate the advice and you sharing your story.
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/24 06:31 PM
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