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james-the-professor Archive

View 0 posts and 81 comments by james-the-professor on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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1

Have you set the expectation that she needs to have an identity outside of being a mother? I.E. - she needs (healthy) friendships. - she needs some alone time - she needs to not lose herself in being a mother - she needs to prioritize the marriage, which involves sex What's this about her refusing help?
/r/askMRP26/09/23 01:24 AM
3

This is the obvious answer.
/r/askMRP26/09/23 01:21 AM
22

It seems apparent that the man of the house has not set expectations about how we treat each other, how we manage conflict and how to come back together and resolve conflict. Therefore the woman of the house bears the responsibility. She sounds unskilled and lacking of experience, kindness and generosity. You get what you tolerate my man.
/r/askMRP25/09/23 02:58 AM
1

It's been two weeks. I'm interested in an update if you are willing to share.
/r/askMRP15/09/23 03:53 PM
4

The question is, how do you feel about your partners having male friends? My wife doesn't have her own male friends because she realized before I was ever in the picture that they just want to fuck her. She tried it and found out through her experience. It's a non-issue in my relationship. I think she's wise and mature.
/r/askMRP03/09/23 10:19 PM
3

I don't want to seem weak You are fucked as long as this drives your behavior, pop psychology yoga culture bullshit rituals or not. Resentment is also a relationship killer, so have fun holding onto it. At the end of the day it's pretty clear to me you are just a scared little boy. Can you give that scared little boy what he needs, or not? Can you let go of your resentment, or not? Can you see it's something that is important to your wife and participate without losing yourself by shutting down,…
/r/askMRP29/08/23 03:00 PM
2

You have no frame. Everything you do is calculated with a woman at the center of your universe. You are also a coward for not breaking up with her and behaving poorly so she will break up with you - because although "you don't care", it's painfully obvious you do. You're immature with rigid thinking: "I'm only going to give a long term relationship a try once". GTFO with that bullshit. We all know it's not true. You think a 6 pack makes you "Alpha" ... You're delusional. Frame is what happens wh…
/r/askMRP24/08/23 01:05 AM
1

You're being an idiot.
/r/askMRP24/08/23 12:57 AM
1

I think you would be wise to run your finances on a budget. If you think you are already, then you need to update your budget to include: Kids activities Car repairs Family emergency (death in family) Can 100% guarantee all of these expenses will come up again. Make the budget. Let the numbers make the decisions.
/r/askMRP18/08/23 11:23 PM
1

She was not excited but I bought her ticket regardless Well, there you go!
/r/askMRP31/07/23 03:23 AM
3

Is this a deal breaker or just a phase? Jesus H. Christ. Be your own mental point of origin and make your own decisions based on your own standards. Stop farming out decisions about your life to the internet. The whole point is that you are your own person. Bottom line - are you willing to accept a dry pussy and fake pleasure? Sounds like objectively bad sex to me ... You're so caught up in needing a woman though you'll settle for it. You clearly have not read NMMNG on the sidebar.
/r/askMRP28/07/23 07:18 PM
7

Getting drunk and sexually promiscuous Attention/Validation seeking on social media Young and lacks life experience You do not trust or like her friends Sounds like marriage material. When are you proposing?
/r/askMRP23/07/23 01:14 AM
1

How's your relationship with your father? Now? And when you were a child?
/r/askMRP22/07/23 01:41 AM
8

It's not a shit test. It's bad sex. You're addicted to sex and/or validation, so you accept it. Stop accepting bad sex. Go read NMMNG
/r/askMRP18/07/23 03:48 AM
5

Lifting is therapeutic, it is not therapy. You get vastly different results. Only someone who has not benefited from therapy would say "Lifting is therapy". The blind leading the blind.
/r/askMRP18/07/23 03:43 AM
2

Go to AA you fucking pussy!
/r/askMRP18/07/23 03:41 AM
2

Congratulations on your sobriety. Keep it up. 12 years sober here, so I know how hard that first 6 months can be. Congratulations, your sobriety is allowing your brain to grow and mature in ways it couldn't before. Congratulations, you've removed your primary coping mechanism to deal with big emotions (alcohol). Do you have a way to handle those big emotions now that you've taken the alcohol away? This is a rhetorical question. You would be wise to reflect on it. I had decades of unprocessed gri…
/r/askMRP06/07/23 03:24 AM
2

I just want to take our relationship back to what it was a couple of years ago. Take yourself back to who you were when you were independent and self-sufficient. Back to when you kind of sort of liked yourself and respected yourself - if you have ever been there. You get what you tolerate. Write a list of unacceptable behaviors from her in your moments of clarity. Establish some boundaries and stop accepting unacceptable behavior.
/r/askMRP06/07/23 03:04 AM
11

You don't have a model for what healthy looks like. This ain't it. Disrespectful Hurtful Vengeful Manipulative I'd recommend individual therapy (male therapist) with a goal to increase your self-esteem, improve your ability to establish and enforce boundaries and improve your ability to communicate. Slowly you will come out of the fog and get clarity. The other advice you got to do small things for yourself daily and keep it to yourself is the same advice, that's how you build some self esteem a…
/r/askMRP06/07/23 02:51 AM
2

It was so obvious the wife trying to avoid me. It doesn't sound like your wife likes you. She tolerates you. She withdraws. You chase. She is repulsed by this. This is the dance that declares over and over how little value you bring to the relationship dynamic. I sense it right away and try not to put any pressure on her. You have no frame for her to get under. You are conflict avoidant, which means you do not have a healthy relationship with your own anger. You have little to no self respect. F…
/r/askMRP06/07/23 02:38 AM
2

Good looks is only worth the initial attraction or an attraction enhancer of someone who has attractive qualities in their behavior. You squander that good credit with your unattractive, validation seeking, covert contract creating, nice guy behaviors
/r/askMRP06/07/23 02:28 AM
2

Respect her boundaries. Stop chasing that pussy so hard and focus on your life. She is angry because you are crossing her boundaries. It's okay to be angry It's not okay to be rude, disrespectful, hurtful, mean, etc. If it's just 1, you're probably being a horny needy annoying little sex fiend (and she's not attracted to you). If it's 2, respectfully and directly establish your own boundary and expectations about communication while angry.
/r/askMRP06/07/23 02:18 AM
21

Have trouble setting boundaries? You have a distorted relationship with anger. Anger is the emotion that informs us a boundary has been crossed. Being able to identify it, and then identify the boundary that was crossed will enable you to restore said boundary and therefore restore safety to your nervous system. Anger is your friend. Women respect men who establish boundaries. People respect other people who establish boundaries. It's part of being a fully integrated human being. Women are attra…
/r/MarriedRedPill06/07/23 02:14 AM
2

LoveIsNotEnough Also, that's not healthy love bro. You are attached, we all get it, but it's better to release this one and build something better with someone who can set boundaries and respects you.
/r/MarriedRedPill18/06/23 09:13 PM
1

Have you considered communicating directly? Lol
/r/askMRP18/06/23 09:10 PM
2

You are the definition of beta bucks.
/r/askMRP13/06/23 03:09 PM
1

This is tough. If she doesn't respect you you don't have many options, do you? Perhaps try being someone the mother of your child respects.
/r/askMRP13/06/23 03:07 PM
1

btw, i've already addressed similar cases in the past where i clearly commented - that i don't tolerate such a behavior when she told me a similar story about here friend. You left that part out. What you are saying is that this is either a test or a pattern. Here's the situation you are in: You: I don't put up with X. Her: does X You: uh oh. What do I do? You said: Too open communication if you ask me. What does that mean? Your relationship is already worn down and she is unsafe to be authentic…
/r/askMRP13/06/23 03:04 PM
1

Not being nice doesn't mean being a dick and sewing seeds of contempt. It means being an authentic man.
/r/askMRP13/06/23 02:57 PM
1

This is my experience as well.
/r/askMRP13/06/23 02:05 AM
1

Ding ding ding
/r/askMRP13/06/23 01:52 AM
9

Based on the research from the Gottman Institute, contempt is a relationship killer.
/r/askMRP13/06/23 01:47 AM
6

You are not your own mental point of origin. If you were, you wouldn't be asking us how to handle confronting your LTR partner about behavior that bothers you. Anyhow, what's stopping you from just confronting it head on and telling her you don't like that behavior, you feel disrespected and you lose trust when she takes your relationship problems to other people. Gossiping, sharing details of what you don't like about me with others is not okay with me. It really bothers me. I feel disrespected…
/r/askMRP13/06/23 01:46 AM
1

304s?
/r/askMRP09/06/23 07:37 PM
1

If it's not medical, there's a good chance she's been sexual abused. It's entirely possible the memories are repressed, too.
/r/askMRP09/06/23 02:14 AM
3

You, sir, are being abused.
/r/askMRP09/06/23 02:03 AM
12

There isn't one. He's just lonely and scared and asking for encouragement and support.
/r/askMRP07/06/23 11:05 PM
17

But couldn't help it. That's your problem right there. You lie to yourself. Don't over complicate this. That long ass post could be summed up: Help. I need some support and encouragement. I am captain save a hoe.
/r/askMRP07/06/23 11:05 PM
2

Wow. Here's what I just read: I am a validation seeking little bitch who lives my life to please a woman who I'm deathly afraid will leave me. I will abandon myself any way I think I need to in order to not get abandoned by her. I am using my relationship with her to try and have a corrective experience for the abandonment trauma and/or toxic shame i experienced as a child. She is my Mommy, and if she leaves - i will die. Keep on your path. You have a lot of work to do.
/r/askMRP04/06/23 02:00 AM
3

You seem highly focused on sex. Focus on your purpose and build positive relationships on your life and let her miss you a little bit. Most folks here talking about dating other women, but if your in a monogamous relationship it's the same, just spend your time in your frame in your life and leave her be to miss you. Stop initiating sex until You can do it with outcome independence She initiates
/r/askMRP31/05/23 08:39 PM
2

How much porn are you watching? Seriously.
/r/askMRP31/05/23 03:35 AM
1

Because the first officer isn't supposed to be in charge. The first officer is filling the void you left, "captain".
/r/askMRP27/05/23 12:48 AM
1

I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that you have very poor leadership or no leadership skills within your household. Because you have not facilitated aligning on expectations for housework, your wife will handle it with her leadership skills. Her leadership skills are: when I feel like something needs to be done I will ask my husband to do it. If this is not working for you, you would be wise to communicate that and step into a leadership role to organize the household duties in such a way …
/r/askMRP25/05/23 09:30 PM
1

If you can't control the amount you drink when you want to, you are probably an alcoholic. Get off the internet and go to AA, get a sponsor and work the steps. If your GF was wise, she would tell you the same thing. She is not the problem.
/r/askMRP24/05/23 08:22 PM
1

It wouldn't be a problem if he was able to stop on his own will.
/r/askMRP24/05/23 08:22 PM
2

You may have underdeveloped capacities in your brain's executive functioning. Holding yourself accountable is important. Setting realistic expectations for yourself is important. Being kind to yourself is important. Creating a realistic plan of action is more valuable than identifying how much of a fuck up you are. So the next time you post, drop the pity party and tell us what you're doing about it today, this week and this month.
/r/MarriedRedPill11/05/23 07:18 PM
11

You are only highlighting the general, surface level portions of his contributions to those relationships. We have no idea what went on behind closed doors. I would be slow to draw any hard conclusions from this anecdote. The fact that he provided protection, resources and (perhaps) leadership does not mean he is owed anything. The way you framed this post is revealing that YOU operate on this covert contract. We all must be discerning in who we invest our time, attention, protection, resources …
/r/askMRP05/03/23 07:28 PM
3

check on a friend who was saying some potentially worrying self-harm things Clearly, supporting this friend is important to your wife. How long have they been friends? Is the friend a male or female? Have you had any discussions with your wife about her boundaries with people who threaten self harm? Where does her responsibility start and end in these scenarios? How does it affect her?
/r/askMRP02/03/23 03:27 AM
3

Is this a pattern?
/r/askMRP02/03/23 03:19 AM
3

Just curious, do you have the source for the correction? I'd love to read it.
/r/askMRP28/02/23 11:23 PM
1

Self pity, much?
/r/askMRP22/02/23 08:46 PM
3

Divorcing her right now is not my best option legally. Riiiiiiiiight. I don't trust anything that comes out of your mouth. You just want to wallow in your self pity.
/r/askMRP20/02/23 01:48 AM
1

Yeah, cuz you have zero standards. Zero expectations. You can't set boundaries and you don't even like yourself. You bet she's going to do whatever she wants.
/r/askMRP20/02/23 01:46 AM
1

Great insights, nice articulation.
/r/MarriedRedPill10/02/23 07:12 PM
5

It sounds like you are way over thinking this, and then being reactive - because you have not found an effective way to lead your household. Is this about "rocking her boat"? Is this about leading your household effectively? What are you after here? I truly can't tell. You're not being clear. You're also leaving out details about what these duties are and if you two have even aligned expectations clearly or if you're just going Rambo and trying to take control. As for accountability in running t…
/r/askMRP08/02/23 08:19 PM
3

Buddy. You're a Nice Guy. Start at step 1 with the rest of us and read No More Mr. Nice Guy. Do the breaking free exercises. There is no short cut.
/r/askMRP07/02/23 07:03 PM
2

What's your question? Any advice on how to turn this around? Turn what around? I'm not even sure what i just read. My advice would be to get the hell out of your head. It sounds like you're massively insecure, future tripping, catastrophizing and generally being a little approval seeking bitch. If your family dynamics aren't healthy for you, address it. Just like any other problem or relationship in your life.
/r/askMRP01/02/23 09:57 PM
1

This is better. What does forward thinking mean to you? What satisfies "enjoying life"?
/r/MarriedRedPill28/01/23 02:18 AM
5

I'll join toastmasters... OYS update should read: "I joined toastmasters and commit to attended once a week." We don't want to read about your grand plans. Only what you have done. This keeps your focus on action. Toastmasters is a good move.
/r/MarriedRedPill27/01/23 07:53 PM
5

Your mission is shit. Your vocabulary word this week is: "platitude" Instead of saying "what i want", outline in detail specifics about what you want. Nice job on the shit tests. Wherever there's an alcoholic, there's a co-dependant. That makes you the co-dependant. Watch for those behaviors. Is she in recovery? Alcoholics are alcoholics because they cannot stop drinking on their own. Sounds like she's in that boat.
/r/MarriedRedPill25/01/23 09:30 PM
1

When i do go quiet, it comes off as pouting. Get busy. Find an activity you enjoy and put your focus on that instead of silently moping around your wife.
/r/MarriedRedPill25/01/23 09:21 PM
1

I'll add - Measure your food. Know your basal metabolic rate and how many calories you are taking in. What has worked great for me is determining my macros and meal prepping meals to meet those. In the beginning it took a lot of effort and was daunting. I stuck with it. Now, it's easy, and i have a good intuition about the right amount of food i need. Another trap is eating less calories and leaving yourself hungry, then falling into binge eating at night. Don't do it. Measuring macros will help…
/r/MarriedRedPill25/01/23 09:19 PM
10

wife wants me to be more attractive Of course she does, dummy. What's up with the wall of text?
/r/MarriedRedPill21/01/23 05:47 PM
3

I made a mistake If you harm someone, apologize. If you fall out of your integrity and didn't keep your word, apologize - and correct the behavior so you live in integrity moving forward. No big deal. Perhaps you just need practice. My guess is she is testing to see if you are a person who is CAPABLE of apologizing, and has her guard up to watch out for guys that are not. As others have pointed out, it could also be from a place of low self esteem. Or perhaps you are getting serious and she has …
/r/askMRP21/01/23 05:42 PM
3

maybe one of the 3 stronglift exercises in the workout A or workout B schedule. What the fuck? How come you are not doing the lifting program as prescribed? I find it difficult to lift when I am in a calorie deficit. Yeah. Everyone does. Try being smarter about this. Make sure you get a meal with sufficient carbs, protein and fat 2 hours BEFORE you workout. That way your body has the fuel it needs before the workout, despite the daily caloric deficit. Also, what's up with your decision to do 30 …
/r/MarriedRedPill20/01/23 08:21 PM
2

You seem to be focusing on the more comfortable actions. While you admit you read to understand and enjoy the mental masturbation, you have no action plan to address this. Consider doing the first breaking free exercise from NMMNG. It's not that hard, pussy.
/r/MarriedRedPill20/01/23 08:05 PM
2

Toss them in the trash. Pay the price. Consider it a sacrifice as a show (to yourself) of how serious you are.
/r/MarriedRedPill18/01/23 08:17 AM
2

I will do it. Around March, when I run out. Don't fool yourself. If you were serious you would toss them or give them away tomorrow. Your addiction is in control. Not you.
/r/MarriedRedPill18/01/23 08:15 AM
4

Self pity, much?
/r/MarriedRedPill15/01/23 10:37 PM
3

I am now concerned at spending more time/energy/effort/hours of my weekend renovating this house ... Then don't do it. For fucks sake put yourself first. If you aren't comfortable with the idea of buying a bigger house together, then don't do it. Have a conversation and let her know that you have been reflecting and you aren't feeling comfortable with it at this point in time. Then, get your shit in order. You say yourself you are Mr. Nice Guy ... Sounds like you caused these problems. Dig yours…
/r/askMRP15/01/23 10:37 PM
1

meditation is nice because it teaches you to simply suck air while NOT stuffing food in or spilling words out. 💯
/r/MarriedRedPill12/01/23 04:02 PM
3

You don't need to think, you need to take action. Drinks are involved? Say no thank you. Don't enjoy being sober with drunk people? Make a new connection with some other men or take the lead and invite your buddies to do something YOU would enjoy. Stop making excuses and living in your head and take action.
/r/MarriedRedPill12/01/23 12:14 AM
2

First, reflection: "Weird? What does weird mean?" Get curious to see if she will tell you specifics on her observations.
/r/askMRP10/01/23 08:00 PM
2

In my opinion, NMMNG is foundational. Worth the investment. Also not surprising you don't feel comfortable talking about any of this with anyone. Us nice guys are full of toxic shame and don't let others "see the real us" often. This is one of the main problems.
/r/askMRP07/01/23 07:42 PM
1

i get the first 3 but no initiations for 90 days will get noticed. It's one of the activities in NMMNG. Read that chapter first. He recommends you communicate with your partner about it. And yes, it will give you some power back.
/r/askMRP07/01/23 07:40 PM
2

Here is my prescription for you: STFU more Lift heavier and/or add a 4th day Read NMMNG and this time do the breaking free activities. Every single one. Do not initiate sex for 90 days while you do this work.
/r/askMRP06/01/23 10:34 PM
2

The whole point is to create a life you enjoy without having your wife be at the center of your emotional compass. Did you do the activities in NMMNG?
/r/askMRP06/01/23 10:25 PM
1

Eliminate all duty sex.
/r/askMRP06/01/23 10:24 PM
2

Is it really that hard for you to apologize for hurting me? It boils down to: are you responsible for causing harm? Then apologize. Were you an inconsiderate asshole? Then apologize for being an inconsiderate asshole and STOP BEING AN INCONSIDERATE ASSHOLE. When you apologize it should be genuine and you should understand the way you caused harm so that you can STOP DOING IT in the future. So you need to ask yourself if you fucked up, honestly. Otherwise, it's: Yes. I'm not apologizing for my op…
/r/askMRP21/12/22 09:41 PM
3

You need to stop relying on her for anything. You get the kids breakfast. You have work meetings? Get up earlier. You are on the fast track to divorce where this will become your reality anyway. You would be wise to continue lifting, STFU more and stop relying on her for anything. As for disrespecting her about hitting the kids. You show no leadership in your family if you are REACTING to how she disciplines out in public. You are a REACTOR rather than an ACTOR. An actor and a leader would estab…
/r/askMRP21/12/22 04:54 PM
4

i tried that once and she just groaned that I'm always criticizing. "First, I'm not always anything, neither are you. Second, this is not a criticism. I don't like the tone of your voice and I feel disrespected. If you continue to speak to me that way, I'm going to lose interest in speaking with you. [Smile. Walk away. STFU. And get yourself in a good mood immediately. Don't sulk and get angry about it]" Same idea here, you are not getting mushy or overly emotional, just call bullshit and move o…
/r/MarriedRedPill19/12/22 09:59 PM
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